103 Sermon Illustrations on Tongue

Words can hurt. (extensive use of Ephesians 4)

1. A Christian's communication.

2. Speak no evil.

a. negativity (sarcasm, defeatism)

b. gossip

3. Four characteristics of Christian words:

a. Good.

b. Constructive. (example of Dr. William Barclay.)

c. Appropriate. (knowing when to speak is more important than what)

Especially important in times of grief.

Warm touch more important than words.

d. Gracious.

Summary of word "grace"

4. Revolutionary Communication.

Language rooted in love.

[See #30708 for concrete examples of destructive\constructive words.]

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STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES . . .

BUT WORDS CAN HURT — OR, UNDER CHRIST’S CONTROL, THEY CAN BRING HEALING GRACE.

By Jerry Harvill

They sat in front of me at the restaurant, a picture of relational despair. Their body language told the whole story: she leaned toward him with swollen, desperate eyes, pleading in urgent tones; he stretched backwards, almost horizontal, avoiding eye contact and sulking in dark silence. As I watched the anguish in her face, I couldn’t help thinking how inaccurate the child’s ditty is that says, “words can never hurt me!”

Despite technological miracles in communication, one of the most characteristic diseases of modern life is loneliness. Never have so many people experienced so much communication, yet so little contact. Evidence of this can be seen in Shere Hite’s controversial new study, WOMEN AND LOVE, A CULTURAL REVOLUTION IN PROGRESS, in which she claims that ninety-eight percent of today’s women wish for more verbal closeness with their male partners, and that the most frequently cited cause of women’s anger in relationships today is that “he doesn’t listen.”

Every person has an urgent need for communication that goes beyond empty words. We all crave conversation that is more than trivia; we all hunger for truth, for inclusion, and for affection. But in an age of image makers and of communication hype, an age distinguished by political double-talk and religious phonies, has our innocence been so shattered that we can no longer believe in words or trust talk again?

A CHRISTIAN’S COMMUNICATION

The Epistle to the Ephesians has very practical things to say concerning today’s communication crisis. Of special interest is the section Ephesians 4:29–5:2, where Paul focuses on the believer’s speech in terms of its truth, its tone, and its motivation. The message in Ephesians is that our crisis is not so much a crisis of speech as a crisis of speakers, that to radically change contemporary language we must change contemporary loyalties.

In the second main section of the Epistle, which begins at Ephesians 4, Paul emphasizes in practical, earthy tones the characteristics of the calling issued to Christians by God: It is a call to walk worthily (Ephesians 4:1–16), and also a call to walk differently from those not in Christ (Ephesians 4:17–24). Paul goes on to explain that the Christian’s calling from God also means walking in love (Ephesians 4:25–5:2). In the apostle’s view, the Christian’s love changes the Christian’s language:

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you with all malice and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. — Ephesians 4:2–5:2, RSV

SPEAK NO EVIL

Paul teaches that Christian communication must radically cut out certain talk: “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths” (Ephesians 4:29). The word for “evil talk” in this verse denotes literally what is rotten, putrid, or corrupt. Applied to language and relationships, it points to words that spoil relationships, poison another’s influence, or corrupt another’s character.

How often do we verbally poison those to whom we would not think of giving a toxic substance? Consider, for example, the poison of negativity, in the forms of sarcasm or just plain defeatism. How subtly parents poison their children’s confidence and imaginations by being perpetual wet blankets on their youngsters’ dreams! How effectively employers spoil employees’ creativity by meeting every new idea with, “That can’t work here!”

But probably the most common form of evil talk is trading gossip. When our words soil someone else’s reputation or worth, or when our stories attract attention to others’ failures and weaknesses, we’re using language that is out of place on Christian lips. But no matter what form bad mouthing takes, Paul makes it clear that God’s children are meant for better things.

But there is more to Christian communication than negative purity. A vocabulary emptied of evil remains an empty vocabulary until it is filled with good. Therefore, Paul spells out four characteristics of Christian words: “such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

GOOD WORDS

According to the Apostle Paul, the broadest feature of Christian words is that they are good words. Only conversation that has the quality of goodness is appropriate for God’s children. Broad as this criterion is, it’s a useful test to apply before we speak: Is what I’m about to say truly good? As an old Quaker used to say, “Never break the silence unless you can improve on it.”

Scripture says that only One is truly good (Mark 10:18), and that He is the source of every good in life (James 1:17). We know what good is by reference to Him. The “word of God” became flesh and entered history in the person of Jesus Christ (John 1:1–14), so that when we wonder what God is like, what goodness is, we can think of Jesus. To put it simply, good words are those words suitable for the mouth of Jesus.

Years ago a wise mentor gave me sound advice about conversation topics. As he put it, there are three classes of intellect, ranging from low to high, and those three calibers of mind correlate to three tastes in conversation. At the lowest level are those who delight in talking about people. At the next level are those whose conversation centers on events. And the highest level are those minds attracted to great and noble ideas.

That advice has stuck with me over the years, and it convicts me now as I reflect on the times I’ve neglected it. The plain truth is that goodness is a nonnegotiable baseline for those who would speak as children of God.

CONSTRUCTIVE WORDS

According to Paul, Christian words are not only good, they are good for something: “good for edifying” (Ephesians 4:29). The term here literally means, “good for building up,” or “good for improvement.”

We have an English idiom that captures this idea in our notion of constructive comments. Each of us knows instantly when someone’s comments are constructive or not. Often it depends not so much on what is said as the way it is spoken.

Whenever I think of constructive words, I think of my teacher at the University of Glasgow, the late Dr. William Barclay. When I began my graduate studies under him in 1972, I was a brassy young minister from a staunchly fundamentalist background. In my circles, aggressive religious debate was not only permitted, it was the path to status! Everyone I heard and everyone I read was a target for my rebuttals since, for me, it was a faith issue to leave no error unchallenged.

That first year was a war. Dr. Barclay, who was scarcely conservative, much less fundamentalist, patiently endured my reactionism, returning each of my research papers covered with red ink. With a kind but firm spirit he would write in the margins, “Good point, but have you considered . . .” and then he would point out a book or author or argument I’d never heard of. When we talked, he often would say, “Of course, you’re aware that . . .” or “I’m sure you’re familiar with so-and-so . . .” In those gentle ways he confronted me with my ignorance, while at the same time affirming my potential.

After about a year of theological gauntlet throwing I went to Dr. Barclay’s office for a conference. I had asked God to create a new spirit in me. I thanked Dr. Barclay for his patience with me, and for his tolerance of my insecurities, and I told him I hoped he wasn’t offended by my disagreements with him.

I can still see him as he leaned forward across his desk, piled high with his own research, and said with a twinkle in his Scottish eye, “I know this hasn’t been easy for you. This has been a hard year, but you’ve grown through it. I believe the better you get to know me, the better you’ll know three things about me.

“First, nobody loves a good debate more than I. Second, nobody dislikes more than I students who merely swallow everything I say. Third, nobody desires more than I that you keep your strong convictions. But I want you always to earn the right to disagree by first giving to every man a fair and honest hearing.”

During my years at Glasgow I did, indeed, learn that those three things were true of him. But most of all, I learned what a difference it makes when a teacher creates a positive climate in which students feel valued. Dr. Barclay is gone now, but his influence isn’t. His reproof and correction always left me feeling, I’M CAPABLE OF BETTER WORK THAN THAT, because his criticism left me with a sense of my strengths rather than of my weaknesses. Dr. Barclay’s words were always constructive, or, in the Apostle Paul’s terms, “good for edifying.”

APPROPRIATE WORDS

In the third place, Paul insists that Christian words are appropriate and timely words, in the sense that they “fit the occasion” (Ephesians 4:29). It is possible to offer good words, even edifying words, which nevertheless are not genuinely helpful for the needs of the moment.

Knowing just what to say, and just how to say it, is never easy, but it is the Christian communicator’s ideal. As today’s gospel on legs, God’s voice to our generation, we must recognize how crucial rhythm and timing are to our speech.

So often the problem of knowing what to say is less a problem of what than of when. We get the message right, it’s just sent at the wrong time.

The solution is to get more in touch with God’s seasons. These seasons are not so much external as they are heart-times. As one ancient poet put it,

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die . . .

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance.

— Ecclesiastes 3:1–4

I know how easy it is to blow right past this responsibility to speak timely words, and to neglect it in the names of honesty, candor, and truth. My motto as a young minister was from 2 Tim. 4:2, “Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage.” I always loved that rebuking part!

It was only in later years that I discovered a crucial omission in my motto. The last portion of Paul’s statement to Timothy in that verse is, “with great patience and careful instruction.” That call to patience is a charge to adjust to God’s seasons and to temper our rebuking with longsuffering.

Perhaps the toughest times in which to speak words that “fit the occasion” are times of great grief and sorrow. I know people who will not visit friends or even relatives in the hospital because they feel they don’t know what to say. In their view, it’s better to say nothing than to risk saying the wrong thing.

I believe this is a profound mistake, for at least two reasons. The first is that because of the nature of interpersonal relationships, it is impossible not to communicate. Your absence at the bedside is itself communicating something. In relationships the issue is never to communicate or not to communicate, but always WHAT KIND of communication to offer. Something is going to be heard, and it may be false and distorted inferences.

The second reason it is a mistake to remain silent is that often what is needed most in difficult circumstances is not talk but a warm touch. A generous hug can be poetry in motion to those who are afraid or brokenhearted. In some situations the most eloquent words are not words at all, but rather the simple vigil of your presence.

I remember a crisis years ago in Ames, Iowa, that changed my life. It was my second church, and I was green and insecure. Funerals were my biggest fear. What would I say? How would I find just the right words of comfort?

Then an early morning car crash on a foggy rural highway left one of our finest young fathers dead. George left behind two small children, a new baby, a young wife, a blossoming career as a nuclear physicist, and a church full of close friends who were stunned and grieving.

As I drove to the house to comfort the widow, I ached over what to say to her and the others. I prayed that the Lord would help me to find the right words. He heard those prayers, and answered them — but not in the way I expected. When I walked into the room where the young widow sat, the grief in the air was so heavy it took my breath away, and with it, all my glib platitudes. As our eyes met, the burden of her loss was so visible on her face that words became a mockery. All we could do was hug each other and cry together.

But that was some of the best “preaching” I’ve ever done. And it taught me that a lot of our worry over finding the right words in times of crisis is misguided.

Love has many tongues. It speaks through a touch, a tear, a silent vigil. Therefore, don’t discount yourself because you’re not eloquent. If you can give a hug or a shoulder to cry on, if you can laugh or listen, you can create music for the brokenhearted. I have learned that what best “fits the occasion” is not what is slick and facile, but what comes from the heart.

GRACIOUS WORDS

Paul’s fourth stroke in his portrait of Christian words is that speech must be gracious, “that it may impart grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Grace is virtually a one-word summary of Paul’s gospel. CHARIS, the Greek word for GRACE, is a derivative of CHAIRO, “to rejoice,” and connotes that which created joy in either the hearer or the observer.

In its Christian usage, CHARIS has special focus on the grace of God. The key to its meaning in Scripture is not simply that it points to joy that comes from God, but that it means UNEARNED favor from God. In Paul’s teaching, therefore, CHARIS is contrasted with MISTHOS (reward), so that the true counterpoint to divine election, for example, is not damnation, but payment, or reward. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8–9; cf. Romans 3:27–31). To put it simply, at the heart of grace in Scripture is the idea of receiving what one does not deserve.

Words that “impart grace to those who hear,” therefore, are words that are concerned not with what others deserve or have a right to, but with what others need. Grace-talk takes many forms. Indeed, as with the other criteria in Paul’s list, the category of gracious words has less to do with vocabulary lists than with attitudes of the heart.

I am aware how maudlin all this sounds in a culture where rights function as battle lines and a lawyer for every 350 Americans makes us the most litigious society on earth. In such an atmosphere gracious words may seem like the language of wimps.

But grace-talk is not the language of wimps, but of winners. I disagree with the notion that in relationships victory goes to those who demand their rights. In my experience, the times of greatest peril in my relationships have been those periods when I have been most preoccupied with guarding my own interests.

The human personality, as Sidney Harris has pointed out, it is not an apple that has to be polished, but a banana that has to be peeled. And the reason we remain so far from one another, the reason we neither communicate nor interact in any real way, is that most of us spend our lives in polishing rather than peeling. We shine the surface: appearance, clothes, manners, charisma. Our focus is on selling the package, not the product. It takes courage and strength to love, to risk, to be vulnerable to the peeling process of authentic self-disclosure and discovery. In today’s culture, the wimp is the relational Scrooge who is too afraid to risk.

That is why perhaps the greatest form of grace-talk we may practice today is the simple phrase, “Will you forgive me?” Built into this almost miraculous formula is grace as a gift of forgiveness that is beyond our human capabilities, plus an awareness of the shared ground for all forgiving: the undeserved forgiveness we have received.

The beginning of most human rifts that sabotage relationships is what John Powell, in THE SECRET OF STAYING IN LOVE, calls “wounded spirits.” For example, I say something that hurts you, and you are crushed. Often, you do not tell me about your pain, but instead retaliate, which soon escalates a back-and-forth contest of getting even. When this happens, says Powell, “the lines of communication are down, the relationship is bleeding and there is a great need for healing.” This is where the acknowledged need for forgiveness, both given and received, becomes a balm of healing. The grace to forgive affirms our worth while it cements our bonds.

Gracious words are concerned with words as gifts, not payments. It may be true that men are “pigs,” or that women are “ruthless,” and that neither deserves the other’s love. But that’s the whole point of grace, and the difference between Christian words and secular ideas of communication. Grace-talk is the Christian’s way of spreading around God’s undeserved gift of forgiveness; it is our way of passing on our experience of the Word of Life by translating it into words of love.

REVOLUTIONARY COMMUNICATION

Frederick Williams, in his book THE COMMUNICATIONS REVOLUTION, observes that we’re living in an age in which communication has been radically altered. There’s no turning back; no way to time-warp back to leisurely days full of the art of conversation, to past innocence when a promise was all the contract one needed and when no news was good news. Today, whatever our options, we cannot avoid communicating.

The Christian can bring an old solution to the contemporary communication crisis: language rooted in love. Instead of using our words to destroy, like the couple I witnessed in the restaurant, our communication can bring light and truth to the dark world around us. As believers, we can create a counter-revolution with words that are good, that are constructive, that are appropriate and timely, and that bring unearned joy to the hearers. Simply put, the Christian perspective on communication is that because of the Cross, love changes our language.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jerry Harvill teaches speech communication at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, Kentucky.

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#267

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An untrue rumor circulated that Mayhall and her husband, who have a marriage ministry, were divorced. God abhors gossip.

1. The roots of gossip.

a. Desire to be important.

2. Gossip vs. Love

a. Origin of gossip is 'godparent'. We gossip with best friends.

b. True agape love and gossip are incompatible.

3. Kicking the habit.

a. Think good thoughts. Phil 4:8

b. Focus on Jesus.

4. Things to do to avoid gossip:

a. Acknowledge gossip is sin. God despises it.

b. Pray. Ps 141:3

c. Plan ahead.

d. Exercise discipline. Ps 17:3

Examples of conflict in the home, according to the Bible. Words hurt. Special communication is needed in marriage. Conflict is inevitable - some people never "fight" but everyone has disagreements. "If two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary."

To solve conflict we must serve the other person, as Jesus did, and think of their needs.

The quality of our words matches the condition of our hearts: how words are used in Eph 4:1-32

“Can’t you do anything right?”

“He’s such a jerk!”

“The people there are all hypocrites.”

“Did you see the way she was flirting?”

“You idiot!”

Angry words. Ugly words. Words meant to wound. We’re all guilty of them. We’ve all felt that stab of regret as such words left our lips and wished desperately that we could take them back.

The Epistle to the Ephesians has very practical things to say about talk, about how to make words heal rather than hurt. Beginning in Ephesians 4, Paul describes the heavenly calling issued to Christians: It is a call to walk worthily (Ephesians 4:1–16), to walk differently than nonChristians (Ephesians 4:17–24), and to walk lovingly (Ephesians 4:25–5:2). In the apostle’s view, the Christian’s love changes the Christian’s language:

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is

good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace

to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in

whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all

bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away

from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another,

tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave

you.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in

love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant

offering and sacrifice to God. — Ephesians 4:29–5:2, RSV

This passage begins by defining Christian words as those that are (1) good, (2) constructive, (3) appropriate, and (4) gracious (Ephesians 4:26). Most of us would praise the uncommon “sense” of these verbal baselines, yet they are anything but easy to practice. Why? Because our words spring from our feelings: We can’t escape the fink between the habits of our hearts and the words on our lips. As Jesus put it, it’s bad hearts that account for bad speech.

Paul profiles in Ephesians 4:31 the pathological feelings that give rise to “evil talk”: bitterness, wrath and anger, and malice. Our crisis is not a crisis of words; we need far more than doctored word-lists. We need new spirits.

Where do we start? And harder still, where do we draw the strength and motivation to keep on trying? Thankfully, Paul has provided answers to these questions in the same passage from Ephesians.

Paul identifies three cardinal feelings, or attitudes, that we must cultivate in order for love to change our language. In Ephesians 4:32 he says, “and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Here, then, in the attitudes of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness we find the biblical wellspring for words that heal rather than hurt. Here is where good words come from.

KINDNESS

Paul’s word for KINDNESS is one of my favorites in the Greek New Testament. The term is CHRESTOS, and it is difficult to translate into any single English word. It can mean kindness, gentleness, or even friendliness. Peter tells us it is the Lord’s CHRESTOS that we have tasted as “newborn babies” (1 Peter 2:3).

I’ve always loved that thought: that when we come to Him, we find not a stern face full of cold justice, but CHRESTOS, goodness-with-a-smile. We find, in fact, the warmth of a Father’s embrace (Luke 15:20). This association of the Lord with kindness echoes Jesus’ invitation for all who are heavy laden to come to Him and to take up His yoke, which He described as “easy” (CHRESTOS) and “light” (Matthew 11:30).

By contrast, we’ve all seen the type of goodness that is cold, aloof, and repellant. The Scots use the word DOUR to describe that kind of pinched propriety. A dour spirit is goodness-gone-sour, the opposite of the spirit of CHRESTOS. CHRESTOS is warm and attractive; it’s goodness wearing a smile; it’s goodness that draws you by its warmth.

Years ago I encountered such kindness in a home where I was a guest. The experience is still vivid in my memory because of an unusual contrast. I was preaching week-long evangelistic services in small towns in Missouri and happened to stay in two homes that were as different as night and day.

The first home was perfect: spotless and finely furnished, everything in its place, like something straight out of the unlived-in pages of BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS! The hosts were perfect, too, polite and dignified, always monitoring my needs. Yet at the end of the week I was as much a stranger as when I arrived.

At the next town, I stayed in a not-so-perfect place: a home inhabited by Siamese cats and giggly kids. When I arrived, my hosts hugged me as if I were a lost relative, told me I was “family,” and proceeded to make good on that description by having me help bathe the cats! I’ve never forgotten that home. There was love there, and warmth that reached out to an insecure young preacher and drew him in. I felt from the first that I belonged. I’ve stayed in more luxurious homes, but I’ve never stayed anywhere where the kindness was more warm, easy, and appealing. That home and those hearts were full of CHRESTOS, and it left its mark on me.

That’s what our hearts and vocabularies need today in double measure: plain old kindness that’s gentle, warm, and cheerful. In nature warmth softens things, and warm kindness softens hearts and voices, too. According to Ephesians, to fill our hearts with CHRESTOS is to fill our mouths with treasure.

COMPASSION

Paul adds to kindness the important attitude of compassion (Matthew 11:32). The word is translated in the RSV as “tenderhearted,” literally “good-boweled,” and pictures a sensitive person whose feelings can be touched by the needs and problems of others. Unlike the calloused, uncaring person described earlier in the chapter (Matthew 11:17–22), the compassionate person is emotionally vulnerable. He is like the Good Samaritan, who, when he saw the wounded traveler on the Jericho Road, “had compassion, and went to him” (Luke 10:33).

We need that kind of compassion so urgently today because terrorism — communicational terrorism — has become a part of our daily lives. Communicational terrorists aren’t hard to spot; we are the verbal bullies who are always right, always in a power play to dominate others, quick to tear others down in order to build ourselves up. Like political terrorists, we’re ready to commit relational suicide rather than admit we’re wrong. We hold loved ones hostage through our moodiness, guilt-trips, and other psychological sabotage.

What is missing from our hearts when we assume “tough guy” roles is compassion. I won’t feel inclined to hurt you when your pain is mine, when your grief touches me. I can’t “take you” in the modern sense when your loss is my loss. When I care about you, I can’t be “tough” and indifferent about your pain. I can’t speak words to wound, because being tenderhearted means that your predicament gets to me and moves me to help, not to hurt.

Only tender hearts produce words that heal rather than hurt. We need the kind of heart King David described in Psalm 51:17 (TLB): “It is a broken spirit you want — remorse and penitence. A broken and a contrite heart, O God, you will not ignore.” Jesus congratulated this kind of heart when He promised, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). They mourn for their own sins and for the sins of the world, and out of that shared brokenness comes dialogue that heals.

Compassion is not a weakness; it’s a gift of love. Tenderness will change your tone and fill your language with what William Barclay used to call “grace notes.” Toughness may be the spirit of our age, but the Man from Galilee has called us to model a different spirit entirely (Ephesians 4:24).

FORGIVENESS

The third attitude that Paul says generates Christian words is forgiveness. He tells us to practice “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). The original word here is a form of CHARIS, “grace,” and reminds us by its form that grace-bought men and women must be gracious. It’s the forgiven who know the meaning of forgiving.

I suspect it’s because we do not think often enough about our own unearned forgiveness that we fail to forgive others. I find that my relationships are in most peril when I demand my way, my share, my rights. At that point I am least like the model of how God has dealt with me in Christ. He doesn’t give me the “death wages” I’ve earned (Romans 6:23) or the rejection I have coming. Instead, He gives me what I have no right to expect: He embraces me as a beloved child (Ephesians 5:1). That’s what grace is: undeserved generosity. It’s a hug when I deserve a slap. And that spirit of forgiving is the soil from which grow words that “impart grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Whenever I think of this kind of generosity, I think of a beautiful young girl whose face had been disfigured in a tragic fire. She was bright and witty, an excellent student, popular at school and she had an incredible zest for life. But she didn’t have boyfriends. Her sister did; her friends did, too. In spite of everything, she maintained a beautiful spirit of patience, saying, “Someday the right person will come along!” Then one day she raced toward me, her face beaming. “It’s happened! I’ve finally met someone who sees beneath my scars!”

Every relationship needs this gift: the gift of seeing past the scars. We need selective “blindness” by which we focus on the good instead of the bad in each other. The bad, the ugly aren’t difficult to find.

But getting beyond the scars is a challenge. Forgiving someone who has hurt you, someone who has lied to you, or who has been unfaithful is anything but easy or magical. Indeed, saying the words “I forgive you” is the easy part; meaning the words is the hard part. That’s why it is so important to remind ourselves that Paul’s teaching concerning forgiveness involves much more than talk-encompassed are the attitudes and feelings and experiences, rooted in our life in Christ, that are the driving forces of our lives. Forgiving goes deeper than saying words. Behind our words is our life in the Word.

But a significant question still remains: What can motivate us to develop the qualities of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness? Where can we find the power to change our hearts?

POWER TO CHANGE

In this same passage in Ephesians, Paul alludes to two fundamental realities in the Christian’s experience that can transform our hearts and lives. The believer’s experience of divine grace and the dread of causing divine grief combine to provide powerful incentive to let love change our language.

DIVINE GRACE. At the end of Ephesians 4, Paul reminds the Ephesians of the model for their behavior: the divine grace of God. God the Father adopted us, not because we are lovely, but because He is. Jesus Christ sacrificed Himself for us, not because we were worthy, but to demonstrate God’s grace. Every believer is the recipient of unearned generosity.

God’s gift of grace is such that no one who truly knows life without it could ever take it for granted. To be without God’s grace is to be without a future, without roots, without promise, without hope. It is to experience what C.S. Lewis used to call “the bad news” that is the indispensable prerequisite to the Good News. When you’ve known life in terms of death (Ephesians 2:1), darkness (Ephesians 4:18), and dirt (Ephesians 4:19), then new life experienced as light and love brings spontaneous joy and generosity.

When I’m aware of being loved, I’m loving. When I experience forgiveness, I’m forgiving. When the Word of Life dwells in me, I speak life-giving words.

The key to practicing my calling, therefore, lies in my focusing on who I am in Christ. I have received a call from heaven, to heaven (Ephesians 4:1–3); a call to become what I am — a beloved child of God (Ephesians 5:1). My speech, therefore, is simply words that echo His Word. The power to change my heart and my language comes from nurturing awareness of God’s grace in my life.

DIVINE GRIEF. The second great motivator that Paul alludes to in this text is the Christian’s dread of divine grief. For a long time I passed right over this important truth, puzzled by what appeared to be an extraneous and cryptic reference to “grieving the Holy Spirit of God” (Ephesians 4:30) in a context of words about words (Ephesians 4:29) and feelings (Ephesians 4:31).

Then it struck me. In Ephesians 2, the apostle explains how the Gentiles are part of the “holy temple in the Lord” which is “a dwelling place in which God lives by his Spirit” (Ephesians 2:19–22). The Holy Spirit is the architect of God’s spiritual house (Ephesians 2:22).

Suddenly, Paul’s warning against grieving the Holy Spirit, in a context dealing with words that hurt rather than heal, made sense. When my attitudes are cruel and hostile and my words tear down my brother and sister, I am tearing down the “house” that the Spirit is trying to build. I am grieving the Holy Spirit!

Now, this is startling, especially since the term used here for GRIEF is a very strong word. It can cover the spectrum of hurt from being offended (cf. 2 Cor. 2:1) to the pain of childbirth (cf. John 16:21). But this term has a very special history for the believer because it is the word that the gospels use to describe the anguish and pain of Jesus in Gethsemane (Matthew 26:38; Mark 14:34; Luke 22:45). His deep grief surrounding the crucifixion was such that His perspiration was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44).

That’s why I’ve come to hear Paul’s language in Ephesians 4:30 with new power. His warning against grieving the Holy Spirit is the strongest kind of motivation, because I hear it as an appeal not to put God through Gethsemane all over again. That’s what destructive words and attitudes do to the heart of God. Sin doesn’t just break God’s law, it breaks God’s heart. And when you love someone, I mean really love them, you can’t willingly put them through that.

Here is a power for cleaning up our communication that is stronger than fear, stronger than threat or guilt. Here is an appeal to bonds of love, bonds that inspire us to loyalty and sacrifice. The dread of God’s grief prompts the Christian to let love change language.

WHERE WORDS COME FROM

The Quakers have a saying that we must do more than listen to words; we must listen to where words come from. They are profoundly correct. Words are rooted in feelings, and if the roots are bad, then the words will be bad too. Calloused hearts don’t produce compassionate lips; aggression is incompatible with graciousness. Therefore, if we would stop saying words that wound, we must go beyond words to the attitudes behind them.

We need all need new spirits, “created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24). Hearts full of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness generate words that are good, constructive, appropriate, and gracious. And those words of healing will only spring from the transforming experiences of divine grace and the dread of divine grief.

It makes all the difference in the world where words come from. And that difference is the difference between which world we set our hearts on.

________

CHANGE OF HEART

1. Who, ultimately, transforms our hearts? (Ezekiel 11:19)

2. What must be our first step toward a renewed heart? (Psalm 51:1–12; Psalm 51:17)

3. In Romans 12:2, Paul exhorts, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” How can a Christian renew his mind?

4. Study Col. 3. What is the Christian’s responsibility in the process of renewal?

________

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jerry Harvill teaches speech communication at the UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKY in Lexington, Kentucky.

*

All that I ever really needed to know about uncivil language I learned in the fifth grade. At a small, Dutch Calvinist school in a New Jersey city, I was playing with other students just before classes started. Some black kids came by on their way to the public school. One thing led to another, and soon our two groups were yelling insults at each other. One of the black students tossed a rock, and it grazed by head. I was livid. I spat out the "N" word and ran back to school.

There was the early 1950s, and we weren't thinking much about civil rights in those days. But the young stone thrower must have sensed that he had a case to make: He marched straight to my school and reported my verbal behavior to the principal. Soon the principal and I were facing each other alone in his office. Mr. Dykstra told me how disappointed he was with me. I began to cry: "But he threw a STONE at me! He HIT me with it."

Mr. Dykstra's response was kind but firm. "Yes, he shouldn't have done that. But Richard, you have done something much worse. He tried to harm your body. You responded by trying to harm his soul. God is much more saddened by what you did to that young man than by what he did to you."

Mr. Dykstra's preferred means of punishment was to assign "lines" - writing a prescribed resolution such as "Never again will I chew bubble gum in class" 50 or 100 times. In the more serious cases, the miscreant had to have the final product signed by a parent. My punishment for saying the "N" word established a new record for "lines" writing at school. I had to copy the Ten Commandments 100 times - with parental signature required.

I think that even then I had a vague notion that Mr. Dykstra was on firm theological footing when he gave me that assignment. In hurling my rude epithet at the young black man, I really was violating God's Law. I was bearing false witness against my neighbor. I was not being a truthful person. And God takes truthfulness very seriously.

"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness or abilities that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

-- William Penn, Words for All Occasions by Glenn van Ekeren

“Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel in order to be tough."

-- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

“Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand."

-- Christian Nestell Bovee

“The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love."

-- William Wordsworth

“A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.

-- Washington Irving

“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve."

-- Joseph Joubert

“We hate the kindness which we understand."

-- Henry David Thoreau

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."

-- Benjamin Franklin

“Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home."

-- Kin Hubbard

“Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind." And the third is to be kind."

-- Henry James

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime."

-- Dale Carnegie

“You will regret many things in life but you will never regret being too kind or too fair."

-- Brian Tracy

“Be kind and merciful. Let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier."

-- Mother Teresa (1910-1997), Catholic missionary

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

-- Mother Teresa, Catholic missionary (Bits & Pieces)

“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

-- Dave Barry, humorist

“Kind words and good deeds are eternal. You never know where their influence will end."

-- H. Jackson Browne

“On the whole, my impression is that mercy bears richer fruits than any other attribute."

-- Abraham Lincoln

“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people."

-- Abraham Heschel (1907-1972), theologian and philosopher, B&P

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, because you never know how soon it will be too late."

-- (unknown); cited in The Best of BITS & PIECES

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."

-- Lao-Tzu (sixth-century B.C. Chinese philosopher)

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

-- Plato (c. 427-347 B.C.), Greek philosopher

“The kinder and more thoughtful a person is, the more kindness they can find in other people.”

-- Leo Tolstoy, 1828-1910, Novelist and Philosopher

“More people have been brought into the church by the kindness of real Christian love than by all the theological arguments in the world.”

-- William Barclay

A few people seem to have control over their words. President Calvin Coolidge is a famous example. Teddy Roosevelt's daughter Alice said Coolidge acted like he'd been weaned on a dill pickle.

At a White House party a beautiful woman came up to him. She said, “Mr. President, could you please help me? My friends have bet me that I can't get 3 words out of you.”

Coolidge replied, “You lose.”

A cousin of gossip is innuendo. Consider the ship's first mate who after a drunken binge was written up by the captain on the ship's log: "Mate drunk today." The mate's revenge? Some months later he surreptitiously wrote on his own entry, "Captain sober today." So it goes with the word unsaid, the awkward silence, the raised eyebrows, the quizzical look.

========================

Another version:

On a sailing vessel the mate of the ship, yielding to a temptation, became drunk. He had never before been in such a state. The captain entered in the log of the ship the record for the day: "Mate drunk today."

When the mate read this entry he implored the captain to take it out of the record, saying that when it was read by the owners of the ship it would cost him his post, and the captain well knew that this was his first offense. But the obdurate captain refused to change the record and said to the mate, "This is the fact, and into the log it goes!"

Some days afterward, the mate was keeping the log and after he had given the latitude and longitude, the run for the day, the wind and the sea, he made this entry: "Captain sober today."

The indignant captain protested when he read the record, declaring that it would leave an altogether false impression in the minds of the owners of the vessel, as if it were an unusual thing for him to be sober. But the mate answered as the captain answered him, "This is the fact, and into the log it goes!"

This is a good example of how, by an accuracy of statement, but by misrepresentation of circumstances, one can injure the reputation of another.

________

McCartney

In November 1963 Central Committee's secretary for ideological affairs called for intensification of anti-religious propaganda. Four members from the Kalunda community in Western Siberia were arrested for illegal activities in an unregistered congregation and given prison sentences.

One of the men, Nikolai K. Khmara, had been converted only a few years before after leading a life of drunkenness. His conversion had transformed him into a model husband, father, and active church worker.

Two weeks after the trial, his family received word that he had died due to illness. Contrary to instructions, the Kalunda believers insisted on opening the coffin and found a brutally mutilated body. There were chain marks on his arms, scorch marks on his hands and feet, his finger- and toenails had been torn off, and there were gaping wounds in his abdomen made by a hot object. The most revolting part occurred when someone pulled the cotton stuffing out of his mouth and discovered that Khmara's tongue was missing. Other prisoners later informed them that Khmara had talked about Christ till the end and therefore his captors had torn out his tongue. Khmara had also suffered psychological torture, receiving injections to create a personality change. This brought to five the numbers of persons who had died in prison and exile.

#2719

The power of words can edify or mortify. A word aptly spoken gives life.

Summary of article:

I. Words are powerful.

A. Wise words.

B. Encouraging ones.

C. Searing sentences.

1) "looks like a girl's sweater"

II. Words matter.

A. God created world by speaking.

1) Therefore pay attention to how you speak.

2) Be conscious of HOW you deliver words.

B. Communication training.

1) Moral approach - how we should talk.

2) Psychological approach - this is why I talk this way.

3) Helpful approach - here is how we can talk effectively.

III. Learning to communicate.

A. Acting sincerely is not enough.

1) But people notice.

2) Like using left foot for soccer - feels unnatural, but

you eventually get the hang of it.

a) Seems phony, but is not.

b) Decent communication skills lead to deeper friendships.

c) Others benefit when we know how to talk.

B. Jesus says our words reveal our real selves.

1) Speech is never truly accidental.

a) A mouth opens, and out pops a heart.

b) Proof is found when we try to change.

1> Eliminate harsh words and they still crop up.

2> It's not just careless words, but yourself.

c) We need to be transformed by God.

2) Importance of affirmation.

a) It has a powerful influence on people.

C. Bible speaks much of controlling the tongue.

1) Examples:

a) Proverbs.

b) Jam 3:2-5

2) We can control ourselves by controlling our tongues.

a) It is a small instrument with much power.

Words are powerful. Many people, if they take time, can think of wise words from a teacher, parent, or friend that made a great impact on their life. Many people can spotlight an encouraging word that lifted them at a very low time. Many people can also remember some searing sentence, the memory of which brings blushing shame even today, years later.

My mother was a great knitter. She never went to meetings without her ball of yarn and a sweater-in-progress. At home she was forever holding up sections of a new work against my arms or chest or back, to see whether they would fit. Unfortunately, not all of her sweaters were triumphs. Often the size or shape or color was decidedly odd.

I do remember one outstanding creation, however. When I was in the seventh grade, she gave me for Christmas a bright red, cable-knit sweater, very distinctive and attractive. I proudly wore it to school, where a boy noticed it and looked it over critically.

"It looks like a girl's sweater," he said.

I never wore the sweater out of the house again.

Our words matter. The Book of Genesis portrays God creating the world by speaking. In a related way, we create the world we live in through our words. Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that we pay attention to our words -- both those we intend and those that slip out when we are not paying attention. And we also need to be conscious of how we deliver the words we use. No matter how encouraging the actual words are, they will lose their positive values if accompanied by an uninterested voice or lack of eye contact. The way we talk to each other can build a world full of love and security, or a world of bitterness and anxiety.

Take a married couple. The man does not talk. To compensate, his wife talks too much. In particular, she shoots off her mouth about his mother. If you pressed him, he would admit that his mother is far from perfect. But he simply does not want to hear it all the time, especially from his wife. To him, the running down of his mother is like a dripping faucet. It is not any particular drip that kills him; it's the wearing effect of the whole thing.

She, on the other hand, is worn down by his silence. She wants to hear that her husband loves her and likes the way she looks. He does compliment her cooking, but that does not help. She knows she is a good cook. Her attractiveness is what she needs affirmed.

Her husband is not a sentimental person, and she knew that when she married him. She did not know how wearisome it would be. She is tired of taking the initiative. She wants him to bring a little romance to the marriage. For a long time she tried to wheedle it out of him, but she has given that up. He just won't listen to her needs, she says.

Can anyone help these two? A moralistic approach will not work; they both can give you nine yards of reasons why they are justified in their behavior. You could take a more psychological approach, trying to delve into their pasts. But there is no certainty you will ever get to the basis of why they behave as they do, or that they would be able to change their behavior if you did.

Without taking anything away from a moral approach or a psychological approach, I would suggest another way. It would help a great deal, I believe, if both would learn how to talk. The woman needs to learn to limit her critiques of her mother-in-law. The man needs to learn some ways to say, "I love you," so his wife can hear it. Both of them need to learn new ways of bringing up sore subjects without starting fights that make everything worse. If they learned such skills, it might not put an end to all their troubles, but it would be a huge and helpful start. It would stop the bleeding and begin to let their love flow through.

Such training in talking you do not get at school. You get it -- if you get it -- at home. It is typically transmitted mother to daughter, father to son. Unfortunately, a lot of people miss out. Such training takes time, and it requires confidence on the part of the parents. If they themselves do not know how to talk, they cannot very well pass it on.

I am peculiarly, painfully aware of this need for training because I missed out on so much of it. I grew up in a wonderful family, but it was the kind of family where, if you thought someone's opinion was stupid, you said so. We had great debates around the kitchen table, my siblings, parents, and I. I learned how to think in my family, but I cannot say I learned how to talk. I was well into my college years before I learned that telling someone that his favorite movie is incredibly dumb may hurt his feelings.

Perhaps this had more to do with my personal makeup than with my family makeup. I was shy, and often shy people retreat into themselves, unknowingly giving the impression of unfriendly aloofness. In college, I began to realize that other people's image of me did not match my image of myself. Those who did not know me well saw me as stern, aloof, and judgmental. Nobody told me so directly. Once I began to catch on, however, I was hit by the message from all sides.

This pained me deeply, because it was not true. I knew what was inside me. I was as aloof as a puppy dog. I was soft-hearted, if anything. I cared about people. I craved friendship.

I began to try to rewrite my life. I began consciously to say nice things to people, to let them know that I appreciated and liked them. I tried to act warmly. I began to hold my tongue when I had something to say that might be construed as critical or snobbish.

And I hated it. It felt horribly unnatural. I despised having to watch my words, having to mull over every interaction to see whether I had handled it well and gotten my message across. Why couldn't I just be myself? I was, I suppose, a true child of the sixties: I believed that acting sincerely was enough. Now I felt that I was acting insincerely, putting on an act.

My changes did bring noticeably better results, though. People told me I was different. They told me I seemed warmer, happier. People opened up to me. People sought me out. I liked those differences. And I found that I got used to the act I was putting on. Over months and years it grew comfortable. Eventually, it became liberating. It became me.

For years, I have coached youth soccer. Most of the under-10 kids I get only know how to kick with their right foot. They may be fairly skilled at kicking with their right foot, but when they try to kick left-footed, they look incredibly uncoordinated. Usually they give a pitifully weak kick that dribbles the ball a few yards in front of them. Sometimes they miss the ball entirely and fall on their rears.

As their coach, I know that soccer players have to learn to use both feet. So I encourage them to use the "off" foot. There is no magic trick I can teach them. They just have to do it. If they do, they will get better at it, and one day they will feel as natural kicking with the "off" foot as they do with their primary foot. Learning to talk is the same way. Sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable, do things differently -- strange as that may feel -- until you become comfortable again.

What worries people about such an approach is that it seems calculated and artificial. It seems phony. I am sure that it could be. This was not my experience, however. On the contrary, though it initially felt phony, it helped me develop far deeper and more authentic relationships with people.

When I learned how to stop putting people off with my seeming aloofness, when I learned how to say that I liked people and to show an interest in their lives, I began to make more free and open friendships. They, in turn, made me into a far more confident, friendly person -- naturally. I can honestly say that learning how to talk changed my life. It enabled me to be myself.

At the same time I was changing the way I talked to people, I was studying with a teacher who was a genius at mining dumb comments for gold. I took his seminar in nineteenth-century theology, and I don't think I was the only student at sea among the Schleiermachers and Kierkegaards. Again and again, we made blundering stabs at the thoughtful questions Professor Irish put to us. Often I did not know what my fellow students were trying to say, and I was not sure they did, either.

But Professor Irish could somehow see a kernel of relevance in those answers, draw it out, and move the whole discussion along. He made us feel we had remarkable insight -- and when he guided our discussion, we did! I began to see that learning to talk has implications beyond just one-to-one interactions.

When people know how to talk, they are not the only beneficiaries. Society profits. What kind of world would it be if every classroom, every business conference, every committee, every school board meeting, and every legislative body were dominated by people who knew when and how to speak for the mutual edification of the group? I know this for sure: it would be a world where I would not hate meetings so much.

Jesus taught that our words reveal our true selves. He said: "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him" (Matt. 12:34-35, NIV).

Our speech is never truly accidental. If you listen to someone talk for long enough, you will know what kind of person he or she is. Careless words may reveal more than carefully planned speeches. A mouth opens, and out pops a heart.

If you have ever tried to change your way of talking, you have realized this. Just try, for example, to eliminate harsh words. This does not sound all that difficult. But the unwanted words always crop up in the most unruly way. They rush out of your mouth without warning. Through the effort you will discover how much meanness is in your heart, for it keeps bubbling up. You will have to face not just your careless words, but yourself.

Or try to begin honestly praising someone whom you find hard to affirm. Why won't the words come out? Why is it such an effort simply to say, "I love you," or, "Your friendship is very important to me," or, "I really appreciated your work"? The reason can only be that, at heart, you are not an admiring and a giving person. To change your words, you must change your heart as well. This kind of metamorphosis requires prayer, meditation, the help of loved ones, and above all, the help of God.

But it also requires a recognition that changing your speech is not merely a superficial and outward activity. It is not "acting nice." It goes to the heart. Your talk is a rudder by which you can steer your life.

Years after I became aware that the way we talk is vastly important, I met the woman who became my wife. Popie was (and is) the warmest person I had ever met. I liked her right away, and I wanted her to like me. She obviously did, and let me know it. But then, she let everyone know how she liked them. She was lavish with her affirmation.

Affirmation is only one way of talking, but it is an extremely important one. Popie's affirmation of others was extravagant. I saw that it made an extraordinary difference in her friends. They were different when she was around them, and they stayed different after she was gone. [...] And what was her technique for influencing their lives so powerfully? She said encouraging things to them.

Seeing how Popie affected others (and me), I began to see words as very powerful tools. I had always wanted to be a powerful person. I never knew it was so possible. The key was as close as the words that came out of my mouth.

The Bible has much to say on this very subject. Many of the Proverbs concern the way we talk. They teach the skill of speaking well in everyday conversation. And the epistle of James states, "If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check."Perfect? Was this sheer hyperbole? I used to think so, until I looked again.

James underlined the thought with two comparisons: "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body..." (Jam. 3:2-5, NIV).

These metaphors suggest that we can control our lives by controlling our tongues. Even more startling, they imply that if we are able consistently to choose our words well, we can make our lives all that they are meant to be, and all that God wants them to be.

You cannot direct either a horse or a ship by pushing. They are too big and unwieldy. You must use -- skillfully -- small instruments of control. For horses, the bit. For ships, the rudder. For human lives, the tongue.

________

Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./CHRISTIANITY TODAY Magazine

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#3817

*

Lorenzo Scupoli (c. 1530-1610) was a popular Italian spiritual writer. Exerpts on his views on the tongue are given.

#3294

*

Words we regret come not from our lips but from our hearts.

1. Looking below the surface.

2. A change of heart.

a. Repentant hearts.

b. Thankful hearts.

c. Hearts that know God's love.

d. Hearts that love God.

e. Hearts that love people.

f. Humble hearts.

3. Straight from the Spirit.

4. A tongue-taming God.

People of high intelligence talk about ideas. People of average intelligence talk about things. People of no intelligence talk about other people. Where are you in the lineup? From Ann Landers column (Gem of the day)

In one of his books, William Hordern tells a story about a woman touring in Europe, who cabled her husband: "Have found wonderful bracelet. Price seventy-five thousand dollars. May I buy it?" The husband promptly cabled back, "No, price too high." The cable operator in transmitting the message, missed the signal for the comma. The woman received a message which read, "No price too high." She bought the bracelet; the husband sued the company and won.

They had just gotten the call to go to Afghanistan. Warriors from America's 101st Airborne were, with relatively short notice, on a plane transporting them to the unpredictable and still dangerous military environment in post-Taliban Afghanistan. The news report on their assignment was describing their long flight to their mission - and the moment in their flight when the atmosphere suddenly got more intense. It was late in their journey when their ammunition was handed out to them. One man described the sobering reality of holding his ammunition in his hand. Here's what he said: "Once you pull that trigger, there's no way to get that round back."

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Bullets You Can't Get Back."

A bullet is so easy to fire. A bullet can do so much damage. A bullet can't be taken back ... even if it's a verbal bullet. Maybe especially if it's a verbal bullet.

Proverbs 12:18, our word for today from the Word of God, actually likens our words to weapons. Since there were no bullets when it was written, God uses a sword to describe how destructive our words can be. Here's what He says. "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Now, we all know that's true - we've all felt the wounding power of someone's reckless words.

Then why do we do the same thing - often to people we actually care about? Our angry, or reckless, or critical words are bullets - and it's all too easy to pull that trigger. In fact, it takes the help of God and our personal discipline to keep from firing off a round of wounding words. But once you pull that trigger, there's no way to get that round back. Long after you've forgotten what you said, that person is still feeling the hurt of it ... still hearing it over and over again in their heart. The words take a moment; the wounds can last for years.

I guess the beginning of disarming this weapon called our tongue is just to realize the power your words have! According to Proverbs 18:21, "The tongue has the power of life and death!" By what you say, you can literally make someone feel more alive or more dead inside. Maybe you need to stand back and recognize the tremendous effect your rash words are having on people around you, on people you love, people you work with, people at church, anyone who's close to you.

Then, it's time to consciously, consistently start controlling your words - specifically making this a major Lordship issue with you and Jesus. Repenting is always a good place to start changing. And our verbal sins need to be repented of before our Lord. If we don't recognize the seriousness of what we're doing with our words, then we'll just keep firing randomly and wounding people in our line of fire. David actually gives us a specific prayer that we can pray every day, maybe throughout the day - it might be worth memorizing. It's Psalm 141:3 - "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." This is not a battle you can win alone - but it's a battle your Lord is very anxious to help you win.

We've all wounded enough people with our verbal bullets. It's time to learn to hold our fire, because once you pull the trigger, there's no way to get that round back.

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. 'Practical Answers to Real Life Issues'

*

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a resaurant if he could use a million frog legs. Naturally, being rather shocked,he asked the farmer where he could get so many. The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs. They croak night and day and are about to drive me crazy." Finally an agreement was made for the farmer to bring several hundred frog's legs in the following week.

A week later, the farmer returned, looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny, little frogs. He told the proprietor, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in that whole pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise."

LESSION: The next time you hear someone criticizing the elders, the preacher, some member or members, remember the story. It is probably no more than a couple of chronic grouches.

The practice of scratching obscenities, boasts, and invitations on walls in public restrooms has been going on for as long as there have been public restrooms. Even the excavated walls of Pompeii--The Roman city covered by lava and ash from an eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in the 1st century--were scrawled with unprintable "gems."

In a remote English country church cemetery there's an old, gray tombstone. The epitaph reads: "Beneath this stone a lump of clay; Lies Arabella Young; Who on the 24th day of May; Finally began to hold her tongue."

A young man asked the Greek philosopher Socrates to teach him the skill of oratory. Upon meeting the famous teacher, the young man began to talk and kept up a constant stream of words for some time. "Young man," Socrates finally interrupted, "I will have to charge you a double fee." 'Why?" the young man asked. "Because I must teach you two sciences," Socrates replied-'first, how to hold your tongue, and then how to use it.' As Christians, we should pray that the Lord will deliver us from all idle words and give us positive, uplifting speech that will bring honor and glory to his kingdom.

"The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart."

- Benjamin Franklin

- _Instant Quotation Dictionary_, p. 155.

When John Wesley was traveling around and preaching the gospel, he came to one village, where he asked if he could preach in the service on Sunday. The minister of the church refused because he, along with many others of the day, believed Wesley to be a heretic. So Wesley went to the cemetery, and stood on one of the tombstones, and preached to the crowd that gathered to hear him - the largest congregation the town had ever seen.

He did this night after night, preaching also at several of the surrounding villages. Many people were saved, and lives were changed. Some of their angry neighbors seized an entire wagon-load of these new heretics and took them before a magistrate. When the magistrate asked what they had done, there was a deep silence, because no one had thought about that. Finally, someone said, “They pretended to be better than other people,” while another said, “They prayed from morning to night.” One man said, “They have converted my wife. Till she went among them she had such a tongue, and now she is quiet as a lamb!”

When the magistrate heard this, he proclaimed, “Take them back! Take them back, and let them convert the entire town!”

__________

Adapted from Tyerman's Life of Wesley, http://www.biblecd.com/wesher4.htm;

The Timothy Report, Copyright (c) 2003 Swan Lake Communications, http://www.swanlake.twoffice.com

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[Original illustration at this number was added to HolwickID #26255]

There is a small island in Indonesia called Sumba. On the Eastern Coast of this island there is an area called the Tanjung Undu, which in English means, "The Land of the Undo People." After extensive research on this area, I have decided that this is where I would like to live. Due to an atmospheric anomaly, and the way the rotation of the earth affects that part of the world, the people of this region have been gifted with a genetic Undo function that allows them to quickly and easily take back the last thing they have said without anyone knowing that it was ever said: A husband speaks harshly to his wife; no harm done, just use the Undo function. Two neighbors gossip about what the pastor's wife was wearing on Sunday; no sin committed, just use the Undo function. A word is spoken in anger between two lifelong friends; no relationship broken, just use the Undo function. "But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil, and full of deadly poison." (James 3:8)

The gift of communication is perhaps one of God's dearest gifts to us. Using simple words, we can express love, gratitude, honor and many other positive emotions that we feel for others. But words can also express pride, fear, distrust and other negative emotions that we struggle with each day. There have been many times I have laid awake at night regretting the things I said that day. Things that have hurt or embarrassed others, or alienated those that I love and respect. "And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)

While God did not create an Undo function for the words we say, he did create the repentance and forgiveness function. And perhaps more than any other function, it is this ability to ask for and receive forgiveness from others, that holds the Body of Christ together. It is one of the central functions that separates us from the world around us. And, unfortunately, it is a function we do not use enough. Perhaps it is fear that our repentance will not be received by our brother, that keeps us from asking. Perhaps a hardened life keeps us from forgiving someone. Perhaps it is weariness that keeps us from opening up our lives one more time to those that have hurt us, or whom we have hurt, and beginning the long, sometimes difficult process of restoring relationships. "I... entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:1-3)

While there is a place called Tanjung Undu on the East Coast of Sumba, in reality, the people who live there struggle with the problems their words create, just as we do. And as nice as it might be to have an Undo function to correct the things we have said and done, odds are unlikely scientists will develop this in our lifetime. Fortunately, God has shown us how to repent and restore. So as you use the Undo function on your computer this week, let it serve as a reminder to repent of the harmful words you have spoken and to forgive the words that have been spoken against you.

Can it be that the average person spends one-fifth of his or her life talking? That's what the statistics say. If all of our words were put into print, the result would be this: a single day's words would fill a 50-page book, while in a year's time the average person's words would fill 132 books of 200 pages each! Among all those words there are bound to be some spoken in anger, carelessness, or haste.

The ancient philosopher Zeno once said, "We have two ears and one mouth, therefore we should listen twice as much as we speak."

Strange news stories make their way into the press from time to time. For example, not long ago a 34-year-old man died of blood poisoning in Varna, Bulgaria. It seems his wife, after eating contaminated fish, playfully bit the lobe of his ear.

This story graphically illustrates what the Bible teaches: "What comes out of your mouth can harm those you love."

See: Proverbs 17:26-28

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Mark Sutton, Day to Day Devotions, Missions Today, Feb. 1996, p. 26.