148 Sermon Illustrations on Relationships

An earth-en pot and one of brass were one day carried away by a great inundation. "Brother," said the latter, "do not be afraid: I will do you no harm."—"Oh! keep away from me, I pray you," replied the former; "for if it happens that the current dashes you against me, or me against you, our constitutions are so different, that you will break me into a thousand pieces."

A young man overtook a lady on the street, and accosted her with, "How does the world use you?" — "Well," she replied: "how does it use you?" — "The world uses me well," he said; "but the people in it do not." — "Do you use the people in it well?" This is the key to good usage.

As the astronomers tell us that it is probable that there are in the universe innumerable solar systems besides ours, to each of which myriads of utterly unknown and unseen stars belong, so it is certain that every man, however obscure, however far removed from the general recognition, is one of a group of men impressible for good, and impressible for evil, and that it is in the eternal nature of things that he can not really improve himself without in some degree improving other men.

— CHARLES DICKENS

In 1992 Kerrin-Lee Gartner of Calgary, Alberta became the first Canadian in history to win Olympic gold in the women's downhill. In Canada she was an immediate sensation.

Shortly after her victory, an announcer interviewing her commented that this must surely be the most significant day of her life.

"No," she replied. "The most significant day was the day of my marriage -- but this ranks pretty high."

Even the greatest of achievements cannot compare with the greatest of relationships.

Nan Berman set up business in Newton, Massachusetts, called "Enough is Enough." Billed as "creative revenge for today's world." Mailed a three-foot dead bluefish to a philandering husband in California and delivered a burned and messy suit to a lawyer who implied his girlfriend was "unsuitable" for him. More common are 13 dead roses, sent in a beribboned black box for $25. She has invested $30,000 in venture. She bought a cactus to deliver to an insufferable boor with the sign "Sit on it."

Christians need to rediscover intimacy and closeness. The desire for it does not mean the believer is self-centered.

1. Our need for intimacy.

Theology behind intimacy. Verses given.

2. We must seek intimacy.

3. Three fallacies about intimacy:

a. Mistake frequency for intimacy.

b. Marriage is only full human relationship worth developing.

c. Intimacy and sexuality are somehow inevitably intertwined.

4. Marks of an intimate relationship. (used 11/18/90)

a. Intimate friends can share openly about themselves.

b. There is a sense of acceptance by one another.

c. There is a sense of reciprocity in the relationship.

d. Times of sharing about past events in their lives.

e. Seem to include the freedom of not worrying about making sense.

f. Includes accountability.

g. Allows people to disagree and get hurting angry, with the expectation

the other person will stick around.

h. Results in a willingness to share the other person with others.

Seven Tips for Defeating Jealousy

1. Figure out the source of your jealousy. Have you been hurt? Cheated on? Dig deep down into your soul to find out why you might be jealous.

2. Communicate with your partner. Share your feelings of insecurity and isolation with him/her. Work together to end your jealous feelings.

3. Accept your partner for who s/he is. Don’t place unreal expectations on your partner.

4. Be positive and confident. Believe your partner when they tell you they love you, and realize YOU are worthy of love and affection.

5. Stay away from situations that trigger your jealousy.

6. Build your own separate support system of friends.

7. Consider talking to a professional to help you sort out your feelings.

Campolo is over 50 years old. One night, when his children were very small, his wife called him into their bedroom. She pointed to them stretched out in their beds. Even now, he can see the angelic expressions on their faces and their peaceful innocence.

His wife whispered in his ear, "Look long and hard, Tony, because they'll never be like that again." He wishes he had done more such reflecting.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has rocky relationship with Maria Shriver. He acts like a tyrant, showing her how to wash dishes and demanding meals when he wants them. When she replied, jokingly, "Make it yourself," he said, "Don't ever talk back to me again! You are my wife and I want breakfast now!" A guest was present.

Variety of articles on the passages concerning weaker brothers and stumbling blocks. Liberty on non-essential issues is explored.

#903

*

Gives homey view on Bible's advice for marriage. Phil Donahue had 3 Christian couples on who believed in submission and they were ridiculed. But the Bible's instruction is true.

#1084

*

Rev. J. Robert Williams was first openly gay Episcopal priest to be ordained at end of 1989, but angered Bishop Spong by calling monogamy and celibacy an “unnatural” state and a “crazy” ideal. In a talk on same-sex relationships to a group of Detroit Episcopalians earlier this month, Williams also contended that a gay couple can be faithful to each other but still have other relationships as long as they return to their “spouse.” Extensive screening had determined Williams was monogamist. The chairman of the screening committee said inquiries were made into the stability of his relationship. “We require a letter from the mate, significant other, spouse or partner, a detailed letter regarding the prospect of their being part of” a priest’s life.

September 18, 1991. Williams renounces his priesthood and the teachings of the Episcopal Church.

Evangelism is not salesmanship, but being a matchmaker. We are introducing people (brides) to Jesus (the groom). We must focus on the bridegroom instead of the wedding, and we must let others close enough to see our relationship with the groom. Share what Jesus has done for you in your personal life. In Africa the number of converts who fall away rivals the U.S. Divorce rate.

The dynamics of forming and building intimate relationships.

Potential hindrances:

1. Americans on the Move. Since relationships may be temporary and hurtful

when terminated, we often choose to avoid them.

2. Busyness.

We must determine our priorities.

3. Muddling Misconceptions.

a. Intimacy goes beyond sex.

12 kinds of intimacy (Clinebell)

1. Sexual intimacy

2. Emotional intimacy (being tuned to each others wavelength)

3. Intellectual intimacy (closeness in the world of ideas)

4. Aesthetic intimacy (sharing experiences of beauty)

5. Creative intimacy (sharing in acts of creating together)

6. Recreational intimacy (relating in experiences of fun and play)

7. Work intimacy (the closeness of sharing common tasks)

8. Crisis intimacy (closeness in coping with problems and pain)

9. Conflict intimacy (facing and struggling with differences)

10. Commitment intimacy (mutually derived from common self-investment)

11. Spiritual intimacy (the we-ness in sharing ultimate concerns)

12. Communication intimacy (the source of all types of true intimacy)

b. Two is not enough.

We should always feel free to reach out to others.

c. No easy intimacy. [used 12/13/92]

It is a fallacy that intimate relationships evolve spontaneously

with no special effort on anyone's part.

In reality, relationships take time and work.

4. Unresolved issues.

Our past can haunt us. Counseling may be necessary.

5. Pride and prejudice.

We may have stereotyped ideas of whom we want as a friend.

THE RULES between men and women:

The FEMALE always makes THE RULES.

THE RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No MALE can possibly know all THE RULES.

If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all THE RULES, she must immediately

change some or all of THE RULES.

The FEMALE is never wrong.

If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct

result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the

FEMALE.

The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The MALE must remain calm at all times unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry

or upset.

The MALE is expected to read minds at all times.

Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

The FEMALE is ready when she is ready. The MALE must be ready at all times.

#1358

*

Series in Minor Prophets. Malachi and Our Relationship with God.

1. Background of Malachi.

2. God's relationship with his people.

a. Motivated by love.

b. Father/son relationship.

c. Master and king.

d. Covenant is main expression.

e. Breaking this covenantal relationship is sin.

3. How the Jews despised God.

a. Bored worship.

b. Short tithes.

4. Broken relationship with God leads to broken relationships with people.

a. Divorce.

b. Malachi has high view of family life.

5. Getting right with God.

a. It is possible to return to God.

b. Scroll of remembrance.

c. Future Messiah.

Letter from a young person to God:

Dear God,

I am a boy. You need to know that to help. My girlfriend Fran is one year

older than me. Do you think that's okay? Her mom does not know about us.

Thank you,

Bryan, age 8

#2144

*

Good article on dealing with difficult people, especially in ministry.

I. Dealing with difficult people.

A. Example of Liz, who was absorbed in self-hate and responded

with a razor-like tongue.

1) Being burned by someone in life. (She had bitter divorce.)

2) Dwelling on grudges and negatives.

B. Being catered to with no expectations or boundaries.

1) Selfishness is endemic in our society.

2) Selfish people find it hard to relate to others.

C. Raised in negative atmosphere.

1) Intolerance and hatred.

2) Vengeance and assigning blame.

3) Family background doesn't force us into a bad mold, but is

a definite influence.

D. God's people should be a sanctuary for difficult people.

1) God has a special love for cast-offs. Luke 15

2) We should not be hard-hearted or tightfisted. Ex 23:6;

Dt 15:7-9

3) Not caring for needy brings us under judgment. Jer 2:34

4) Bring in the poor. Lk 14:21

5) Don't just love your own. Too easy! Mat 5:46

II. Positive ways to handle difficult people.

A. Be personal and loving.

1) One-on-one attention works best.

a) Don't fight with them.

b) Don't ignore them or run away.

c) Some problems DON'T work themselves out on own.

2) Few people want to be difficult.

a) Most have not had someone with enough love and courage

to be honest with them.

b) Challenge them directly, and they may respond.

3) A loving person can make a world of difference.

a) Humbly apply the Bible so that sinful behavior patterns

can be identified and discouraged.

b) Encourage growth in godliness.

4) Have a vision for who the person can become in Christ,

rather than just want to "fix" them.

B. Set clearly understood limits and consequences.

1) Improper flirter has to be confronted.

2) Most people are uncomfortable with confronting others.

a) We have to remember that those who are not sensitive

enough to recognize normal limits often need help

in learning what those limits are.

b) When confronting is done with gentleness, love, and

perseverance the Holy Spirit can make great use of

our boldness.

3) Learning to live within boundaries when you've never had

them is a painful process.

a) Most people do not enter into boundaries without

incentives.

b) That's why pointing out the logical, natural consequences

of their behavior is so important in helping them

learn.

C. Make the person responsible for their actions.

1) Difficult people want to shift blame rather than accept

responsibility.

a) Current trends in counseling encourage shifting blame.

1> Blame parents, etc.

b) After a lifetime of victimization, how can anyone

expect us to change?

2) God calls us to obedience in spite of any difficulties we

may face.

a) To grow out of bad behavior, only we are responsible.

b) Do not allow others to excuse their sin as someone else's

fault.

c) Harboring bitterness keeps us from God, and from others

as well.

D. Expect change.

1) God can transform lives. Rom 12:2

2) Realize that weakness in one person affects all of us.

3) Expectations give us something to grow toward.

a) Just remember we cannot DEMAND change.

b) Free people always have option to go own way.

c) Nabal himself stayed rigid, died from fright. 1 Sam 25:38

William Shakespeare wrote in "Macbeth" -

"Love cools, friendship falls off, brothers divide; in cities, mutinies; in countries, discord; in palaces, treason; and the bond cracked twixt son and father."

The adopted family, not the nuclear family, is the New Testament model, according to Diana Garland, who recently resigned from the Carver School of Social Work at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, Kentucky.

“It is the job of the church to cut across boundaries of blood and marriage and define family the way the Bible defines it, not as culture does,” she told the governing board of the Texas Baptist Christian Life Commission.

Garland led members of the Texas CLC in an examination of Jesus’ teachings on family at their April 18-19 quarterly meeting near Dallas. At that meeting, the commission adopted a comprehensive proposal to enhance family life in Texas.

“All of God’s children need family. We are created not to be alone. Jesus linked the people he loved into family in a new way,” she said.

Garland took Jesus’ words from the cross commending his mother to the care of the apostle John and his special relationship with Mary, Martha and Lazarus as examples of family formation.

“Jesus did not sit down on the hillside and talk to us about how to be family. Sometimes I wish he had. But what he did was model it for us. And that is more powerful,” she said.

Shared faith creates stronger family ties than bloodlines, Garland said. Pointing to Jesus’ words in Matthew 12 regarding his own mother and siblings and the wider family of God, she noted, “Jesus doesn’t paint them

out. He’s widening the circle, breaking the bounds. He is saying that family is not limited to biological and legal kinfolk.

“The New Testament model is not the nuclear family. It is the adopted family. In God’s kingdom, nobody has to be alone. Family transcends kinship for us.”

Garland drew a distinction between universal “neighbor love” and the special love that exists within families. While Christians are called to love their neighbors unconditionally, expecting nothing in return, family love makes demands and confronts conflict.

“Family is based on covenant, and that is mutual,” she said.

Strengthening families is central to the church’s task in evangelism and ministry, Garland said. “It is the church’s job to seek out lonely -- to mend families that need mending,” she said.

Specifically, Garland said churches should:

• Foster “family” relationships among groups of 15 to 20 people within the larger family of faith. “Strengthen families by building community around them,” she said. “We need to be about the task of making sure there is nobody alone.”

• Find ways to recognize and celebrate family ties as they are biblically defined.

• Give families the tools for facing conflict and life’s struggles together.

9 attitudes to adopt when your spouse isn't growing.

1. Respect their individuality

2. Allow God to be God.

3. Compare not.

4. Take it easy.

5. Handle with care.

6. Let go of expectations.

7. Pray for your mate.

8. Walk by faith, not sight.

9. Practice unconditional love.

#4122

*

GREAT REASONS TO BE A GUY:

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

• You know stuff about tanks.

• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

• You can open all your own jars.

• Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.

• You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

• You don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.

• You can leave the motel bed unmade.

• You can kill your own food.

• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

• Wedding plans take care of themselves.

• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

• Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

• Everything on your face stays its original color.

• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

• You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

• Car mechanics tell you the truth.

• You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”

• Same work, more pay.

• Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

• Wedding dress – $2,000. Tuxedo rental – 75 bucks.

• You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.

• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, “So, notice anything different?”

• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

• You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt.

• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

• You don’t have to shave below your neck.

• At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

• Your belly usually hides your big hips.

• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

• You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocketknife.

• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes

#4375

*

A little joke about male-female relationships:

A man was walking along a California beach and came across a old lamp. He figured, why not, picked it up and rubbed it. Lo and behold, out pops a genie. The genie looks at the man and says OK, OK, you released me from the lamp and now I will grant you one wish and only one wish! The man sat down on the sand and thought long and hard about this opportunity, finally he said, "Please build me a bridge from here to Hawaii, so I can drive over there to visit."

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics, and how would the supports ever reach the bottom of the ocean, and all the concrete and steel. No way! Think of another wish."

So the man reconsidered and said to the genie, "I've been married twenty years and still don't understand women. My wife always says that I don't care about her and I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking ... know why they're crying, know what they really really want, and when to say nothing, ... and know how to make them happy..."

The genie looks at the man and with a sigh says, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

#4396

*

2 Corinthians sermon series 2 Corinthians 6:14- 7:1

Chained At The Neck

===================

I. Rules, rules, rules.

II. We are meant to be different.

A. Harsh transition?

B. Five contrasts between believers and the world.

C. Is there a real difference?

III. Don't be yoked.

A. The nature of a yoke. Deuteronomy 22:10

B. Everybody is chained to something.

C. People yokes. 1 Cor. 7:39

IV. Come out and be separate.

A. How should Christians separate from influence of world?

B. What we may have to give up to be a Christian. 1 Pet 4:3-5

C. Christians must be different.

V. Look on the bright side.

A. Striving for purity leads to a relationship with God.

B. Christian "yoke" is not a bad deal.

C. What a Christian should be able to offer you.

*

THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE

==========================

1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

--------------------

Proverbs 12:25 - "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word

cheers him up."

2. QUALITY TIME

------------

James 1:19 - "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be

quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...."

3. RECEIVING GIFTS

---------------

Matthew 7:11 - "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good

gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give

good gifts to those who ask him."

4. ACTS OF SERVICE

---------------

Galatians 6:9-10 - "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the

proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. [10]

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people,

especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

John 13:1,4-5 - "It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that

the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father.

Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the

full extent of his love. So be got up from the meal, took off his

outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. [5] After that,

he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet,

drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him."

5. PHYSICAL TOUCH

--------------

Luke 15:20 - "So he got up and went to his father. But while he was

still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with

compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and

kissed him."

Luke 5:12-13 - "While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who

was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face

to the ground and begged him, 'Lord, if you are willing, you can make

me cleane.' [13] Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I

am willing," he said. 'Be clean!" And immediately the leprosy left

him."

===========================================================================

* My primary love language is:

___________________________________________________________________________

* The primary love language of my best friend is:

___________________________________________________________________________

* If Married, the primary love language of my spouse is:

___________________________________________________________________________

* If I have children, the primary love language of my child is:

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

(For further study: "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman)

[also see HolwickID #17119]