27 Sermon Illustrations on Conversation

In Andrew Fuller's diary is the following entry:—"Jan. 3, 1782. This afternoon being on a visit, as I stepped aside from the company, I overheard one of them saying, 'I love Mr. Fuller's company, it is so diverting. 'This expression moved me much. Oh, wretch that I am! Is this to have my speech seasoned with grace? O Lord, forgive me! Some humbling thoughts for the above in prayer."

Cuba’s dictator Fidel Castro loved to talk. He gave a speech before the United Nations that lasted 4 hours, and one in Cuba that went on for 7 hours and 10 minutes.[1]

Radio personality Tavis Smiley visited Cuba in 1998 and had an impromptu interview with Castro. Smiley said it went on for hours and he only got about six questions in. Castro never seemed to come up for air. When Smiley tried to interrupt him, Castro wagged his finger at him and kept on talking.[2]

Probably only you love your own voice. Let others share their words, too. Listening well is one of the greatest talents of a good communicator.

Ecclesiastes 5:2

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”

Proverbs 10:19

“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”

________

1. “Longest Speeches in History,” by “etriplett,” no date; .

2. “The Time I Stood Up to Fidel Castro,” by Tavis Smiley, Time magazine, Nov 28, 2016; .

*

[Original illustration at this number was deleted for being obsolete]

Alan Redpath once formed a "mutual encouragement" fellowship at a time of stress in one of his pastorates. The members subscribed to a simple formula applied before speaking of any person or subject that was perhaps controversial.

T - Is it true?

H - Is it helpful?

I - Is it inspiring?

N - Is it necessary?

K - Is it kind?

If what we are about to say does not pass these tests, we should keep our mouth shut. It works!

All conversation between men and women" according to Roy McCloughry, "is cross-cultural conversation." If he's right, any preacher may communicate well with only part of the congregation and miss the other part.

As a woman who has listened mostly to male preachers during the past six decades, I've reflected during many sermons on why some connect with my world and others don't.

HOW MEN AND WOMEN THINK

Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse compares the male and female thinking processes to two kinds of vision we all use: macular and peripheral. Macular vision focuses on one thing to examine its details. Peripheral vision takes in the larger context. We use both every day; in fact, the two taken together allow us to see more fully what is there.

Barnhouse likens macular vision, focus, to the masculine way of thinking. Men tend to analyze problems, figure out their parts, and choose among the options.

She compares peripheral vision to feminine thinking. Women tend to consider the context, trying to keep all issues in view. This makes arrival at a "right" answer more complex.

For example, a couple talk about buying a car. He may check several models and compare prices, horsepower, extras included, etc. The decision looks pretty straightforward. When he brings up the subject at dinner, his wife asks a new set of questions he may consider irrelevant: What impression would the neighbors have if we start driving such an expensive car? Could Aunt Maude get in and out of the car easily when we take her grocery shopping? Would the pastor think we should increase our giving to the church if we're able to drive such a nice car?

He looks at the car; she looks at the context in which the car will be used.

From birth, girl babies respond faster to human contact and are relatively uninterested in things. Boy babies like things from the start.

Carol Gilligan underlined the female tendency to put relationships before other values. In studies of children at play, researchers found that boys' games last longer because they settle disputes by elaborating rules. Girls, on the other hand, end the game when disputes break out; relationships are more important than continuing the game.

Roy McCloughry concludes, "Men and women live in different cultures: he in a world characterized by independence, and she in a world characterized by intimacy."

What are the implications of this for preaching? What types of texts or illustrations are most likely to resonate with female listeners? What emphases are they most or least likely to hear?

HOW TO TRANSLATE

During the years my husband and I worked as missionaries in Europe, I often served as an interpreter. With practice I could do that without thinking. One time I caught myself "translating" a French sentence into other French words. That was not my job! I was supposed to carry meaning from one language into another.

A woman in the pew goes through that process almost every time she listens to a man preach. Most of the time she isn't aware she is doing it. If she has been active in church, she has developed such skill in translating, it has become second nature to her. But she is still translating. By attending to three areas, a skilled preacher can learn to speak in a woman's "native tongue" and thus reach the entire congregation.

1. Translate masculine images into feminine images. While reworking a series of Bible studies for women, I chatted with Haddon Robinson about the project. He helpfully suggested illustrations for points I wanted to make. One was about a football player, another was a quote from a baseball player, etc. Gratefully, I included them.

But before the book went to the publisher, I took those illustrations out. They just didn't fit. While some women follow sports, others feel that competitive sports violate the values they hold for relationships. The idea of winning is connected with somebody losing. And the violence of sports such as football or hockey does not communicate positively for many women. Unless a woman can translate illustrations from sports or business into relational values and experience, she may not connect emotionally with the point.

Several years ago a large Bible church invited me to speak at their Sunday services. During the first service, I used an illustration from my sewing machine. When I was about halfway through, I stopped and said gently, "I know that this baffles some of you men, but you need to know that this is my sweet revenge for all the sports illustrations I've had to listen to all of my life." There was a titter, and then a roar of laughter, and then applause. Afterward, women came up to me and said, "Thank you for talking about the sewing machine. That connected with me." The experience underscored for me that men and women live in different worlds. But the two worlds can be bridged.

Suppose a male preacher wants to speak on perseverance or determination, topics for which illustrations from sports would be ideal. He can still connect with women by reaching into the world of the Olympics, where usually an individual competes against a standard. Figure skating, for example, does not require violence against an opponent in order to win (besides, it is beautiful). In a similar way, an illustration from Chariots of Fire could show the necessity of discipline in order to achieve, while not being associated with violence.

However, after such an illustration from sports, it would be helpful for women to hear an illustration from another arena of life -- for example, professional music. Here, too, great discipline and perseverance are required.

2. Translate abstract principles into terms of concrete relationships. When I listen to a sermon, I want to know how the biblical principles fit my life -- not merely as an individual, but in my complex web of relationships. How does this point affect me in my role as wife, as mother, as grandmother, as neighbor, as church member? How will it change the way I speak to my husband in the car on our way home from church? How will it alter the decisions I make about the use of my time when women in distress call me on the phone? My life is about people, a lot of lonely, confused, and hurting people. I want to know how biblical principles work in my world.

Women want to hear the Word of God in a way that applies to our lives in relationship. Effective communicators to women translate abstract principles by using illustrations drawn from relationships.

Consider substitutionary atonement, a principle that can remain abstract for many listeners. Women will relate to it best when the preacher uses human illustrations -- for example, a man who donates a kidney in order to keep a family member alive, or a woman who loses her life while giving birth to a child, or a teenager who rescues a toddler from a burning building but dies in the rescue attempt.

Even an abstract principle such as spiritual war (Eph. 6), which many men relate to positively, can be made appealing for women by explaining it in relational terms. If using an illustration from war, for example, it's important to de-emphasize the bloodshed and emphasize what was at stake for the people involved. For example, if illustrating from the Second World War, emphasize the freedom from Nazi tyranny it won. Or women might relate to a war for independence that freed people from brutality and gave them security.

3. Translate masculine language to feminine language. Much biblical imagery is masculine. Jesus the Son called God "Father," a masculine image. Christian women can hear that and, unless they were sexually or physically abused by a bad father, appreciate the rich image of relationship that Jesus gives us in that name.

But much more than masculine biblical imagery crops up in many sermons. Most Bible translators don't discriminate between the Greek words for "male" and for "humanity." A preacher can help women in the pew by clarifying what translators usually leave unclear. In 1995 it is no longer acceptable to use man or mankind as a generic word for humanity. Even for women so accustomed to translating that they don't know they're doing it, man or men doesn't fully translate.

Perhaps a dozen years ago, I heard a woman speaker change the noun and pronoun from masculine to feminine as she quoted 1 Corinthians 5:17 -- "If any woman is in Christ Jesus, she is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." I sat there stunned, then realized that tears were running down my cheeks. This meant me. I was included.

Had you asked me ten minutes earlier if I were included in the text of 1 Corinthians 5:17, I would have said, "Of course!" Intellectually, I can grasp that. Emotionally, I cannot. A preacher who cares about communicating to women will not draw back from reiterating the text with feminine pronouns here and there. Saying "men and women" or "women or men," rather than merely "men," helps women feel included.

We understand the need to communicate cross-culturally when we speak to different races or ethnic groups. Do we understand that it also applies when men and women attempt to communicate with one another?

Women in general are good listeners. It's part of being relational. But they are often puzzled listeners. Preachers can make a difference in what women are able to hear as they work to include and affirm both women and men as they speak.

***************************

Alice Mathews is dean of the Philadephia Center of Seminary of the East in Dresher, Pennsylvania.

Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP Journal

Ptipsmrjtips075A6g

#3991

*

Something more than fifty years ago [Holwick: 150?], there was a dinner party at the other end of Jordan. The ladies had withdrawn, and under the guidance of one member of the company, the conversation took a turn, of which it will be enough here and now to say, that it was utterly dishonorable to Jesus Christ our Lord. One of the guests said nothing, but presently asked the host permission to ring the bell. When the servant appeared, he ordered his carriage. He then, with the courtesy of perfect self-command, expressed his regret at being obliged to retire, but explained that he was still a Christian. Mark the phrase, for it made a deep impression at the time -- "Still a Christian."

Perhaps it occurs to you that the guest who was capable of this act of simple courage must have been a bishop, or at least a clergyman. The party was made up entirely of laymen, and the guest in question became the great prime minister of the early days of the reign of Queen Victoria. He was the late Sir Robert Peel.

--Canon H. P. Liddon

"The reason you don't understand me, Edith, is because I'm talkin' to you in English and you're listenin' to me in dingbat!" -- Archie Bunker

Archie was right about finding a common language or wavelength, but it takes two to communicate -- the speaker and the listener. Both need to make the effort to understand each other. According to a French proverb, "The spoken word belongs half to him that speaks and half to him who hears."

All skills require learned behaviors and rules.

The rules for good listening involve basic courtesy, sorely needed by Archie, and common sense. Some of the rules may seem obvious, but it is amazing how many people forget them and unintentionally insult the speaker.

Often, without intending to be rude, your enthusiasm for a subject and your own desire to hear yourself talk cause you to forget courtesy. At other times you may be so involved with your own point of view that you forget to listen to what your client is saying; you just plain stop listening!

So, when conversing with another person, be aware of and practice the following rules:

1. Let others tell their own stories first.

When others explain their situations, they may reveal interesting facts and valuable clues that will aid you in helping them solve their problems or satisfy their needs. By letting them speak first, you also save time. When their interests are revealed you can tailor your discussion to their particular needs, goals, and objectives and can dispense with inappropriate conversation.

2. It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time.

This basic rule of effective listening is most often broken, especially by Archie Bunker. People anxious to add their own views to the conversation try to interject comments while another person is speaking. They wait for a pause in the conversation and "rapid fire" their comments at the other person. This interjection of random comments is irritating to the speaker and actually slows the conversation because the initial speaker must dodge the comments and still keep his train of thought. Why not wait until the speaker's point is made? Then you will have your chance.

An enormous benefit of listening to your client is that he may "sell himself." He may solve his own problems or even come up with some product benefits that hadn't occurred to you. In addition, encouraging the client to talk keeps him from feeling pressured into a sale. Building confidence and reducing tension strengthen the trust bond between you and your client.

A client who "sells himself" is likely to be more fully committed and less likely to have "buyer's remorse." He may become a staunch defender of your product, be open-minded in future dealings, and be more likely to listen to you.

3. Listen for the main ideas.

Specific facts are only important as they pertain to the main theme. They can cause misinterpretation if taken out of context. Relate stated facts to the arguments of the speaker and weigh the verbal evidence used. Take advantage of the superior speed of thought over words and periodically review a portion of the discussion that has already been completed.

A good listener also tries to guess the points the speaker will make. Ask yourself: "What is the speaker getting at?" or "What is his point?" Then get feedback. If you guess correctly, your understanding is enhanced, and your attention is increased. If you are incorrect, you learn from your mistake.

4. Be sensitive to your emotional deaf spots.

Deaf spots are words that make your mind wander or go off on a mental tangent. They set off a chain reaction that produces a mental barrier in your mind, which in turn inhibits the continued flow of the speaker's message. Everyone is affected by certain words so it is important to discover your own individual stumbling blocks and analyze why these words have such a profound effect on you.

5. Fight off distractions.

Train yourself to listen carefully to your customer's words, despite such external distractions as a ringing telephone, passersby, or other office noise. Localized distractions, such as the idiosyncrasies of the speaker, may also be irritating, but make a conscious attempt to judge the content of the message -- not the delivery.

Focus your attention on the words, ideas, feelings, and underlying intent. Through practice you can improve your power of concentration, so that you can block out external and internal distractions and attend totally to the speaker.

6. Do not trust to memory certain data that may be important.

Take brief notes because listening ability is impaired while you are writing. Remember -- you cannot effectively do two things at the same time. Write notes in words and phrases rather than complete thoughts. All you need is something to jog your memory later in the day, and then you can recall the complete content of the message. Read your notes as soon as possible to make sure you understand what you put down on paper and always review them before subsequent contact with your clients.

7. React to the message, not the person.

Don't allow your mental impression of the speaker to influence your interpretation of his message. Good thoughts, concepts, and arguments can come from some of your least favorite people. George Jefferson planted the seeds of many ideas in Archie's fertile imagination.

8. Try to appreciate the emotion behind the words (vocal and visual messages) more than the literal meaning of the words.

Try to ask yourself these questions when another person is speaking:

a. What are the other person's feelings? B. What does he mean by what he is saying? C. What is his point of view? D. Why is he saying this? E. What is implied by what he says?

9. Use feedback.

Constantly try to check your understanding of what you hear. Do not only hear what you want to hear. In addition, check to see if the other person wants to comment or respond to what you have previously said. Archie and Edith could have avoided many misunderstandings by simply using feedback.

10. Listen selectively.

Critical messages may be hidden within the broader context of a conversation. Listen in such a way that you can separate the wheat from the chaff. Always ask yourself: "What is he telling me that can help me satisfy his needs, solve his problems, and accomplish his goals?"

11. Relax.

When another person speaks, try to put him at ease by creating a relaxed, accepting environment. Do not give the speaker the impression that you want to jump right in and speak. Give him a chance to speak his mind.

12. Try not to be critical of the other person's point of view.

Hold your temper and your emotional feelings and try to listen to truly understand. Be patient, Archie. Allow the speaker plenty of time to fully finish his train of thought. You might find that what you were initially going to disagree with wasn't such a bad idea after all. Keep an open mind. If you give the other person half a chance to tell you his views, you might find that you have learned something.

13. Listen attentively.

Face the speaker with uncrossed arms and legs; lean slightly forward. Establish gentle, intermittent eye contact. Use affirmative head nods and appropriate facial expressions when called for, but do not overdo it. Occasionally respond to your customer with "uh huh," "go on," or "yes," to demonstrate that you are listening.

14. Create a positive listening environment.

Shoot for a private atmosphere away from sources of distraction. Make the effort to ensure that the environment is conducive to effective listening.

15. Ask questions.

Ask open-ended questions to allow the speaker to express his feelings and thoughts. A simple "yes" or "no" is not enough. Use development questions like "How can I help you?, or "Where do we go from here?" to ask the speaker for more details on specific subjects. Clarifying questions seek information by restating the speaker's remarks.

These techniques demonstrate that you're hearing correctly. If you keep the other person talking, potential ambiguities clear up. The effective use of questions also allows you to contribute to the conversation.

16. Be motivated to listen.

Without the proper attitude all the foregoing suggestions for effective listening are worthless. Try to keep in mind that there is no such thing as an uninteresting speaker, only disinterested listeners. Put out the extra effort to try to listen.

Learning to listen effectively pays off in stronger trust bonds and increased sales. Others feel relieved to find people who actively listen and try to understand what they have to say about their problems and needs. Once that occurs, the speaker generally reciprocates by listening when it's the other person's turn to speak. That leads to an open, honest information exchange; the kind Edith Bunker was yearning for. Isn't that what communication is all about?

*

"A man who spends so much time talking about himself that you can't talk about yourself."

-- Melville D. Landon

"People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone can be of another person."

-- George Bernard Shaw

"There are few wild beasts more to be dreaded than a communicative man having nothing to communicate."

-- Christian Nestell Bovee

"A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary."

-- Walter Winchell

"The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore."

-- Samuel Butler

"Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half of the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it."

-- Bertrand Russell

"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal."

-- H. L. Mencken

"A person who talks when you wish him to listen."

-- Ambrose Bierce

"Any subject can be made interesting, and therefore any subject can be made boring."

-- Hilaire Belloc

"We always get bored with those whom we bore."

-- François de La Rochefoucauld

Even in the New Testament, talking with God is mostly unilateral. But he does answer.

________

“You’re not listening to me!” My daughter Emma and I were talking about a touchy subject: Why God commanded Israel to kill her Canaanite enemies.

“Don’t say I’m not listening to you, Dad. I am. You just keep repeating the same thing, and I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

She was right. I had assumed that a simple model of communication — which I had learned about in college as a speech major — was sufficient. The model works accordingly:

• I (the sender) have an idea (what the Greeks called logos);

• I use words (rhemata) to express my idea;

• you (the receiver) hear my words (rhemata) and now have the same idea (logos) that I have.

But conversation doesn’t work that way. Conversation can’t be reduced to a sender transmitting ideas to a receiver. There are too many variables that create interference: poor diction, nonverbal communication, ambient noise, personal histories, cultural differences. Simply repeating the same words over and again — and believing that misunderstanding lies exclusively with the receiver — is a naïve approach to communication. It can also lead to a frustrating conversation.

All this led me to think about prayer, which many evangelicals describe as conversation with God. Is it?

To be honest, most of my prayers are a monologue. I tell God what’s on my mind, and then my prayer time is done. The communication flows one direction. And most of the time I don’t even verbalize my prayers. I simply offer words in my head. Of course, that’s not an obstacle for God. He already knows my thoughts (Ps. 139:4). And if God can read my mind, I don’t have to worry about him misunderstanding me.

But if the self-revealing God of the Bible is a sender and not just a receiver, how does he “talk back”? Some say he puts thoughts in our head. Others say he directs our attention to certain parts of Scripture, where he will then communicate to us more directly. While it’s possible that God can communicate to us in these ways, it’s not how he does it in the New Testament.

God’s Verbal Communication

The Bible doesn’t use language of conversation in connection to prayer. Instead, it most often describes prayer as praise, lament, thanksgiving, confession, and petition — unilateral actions.

But it’s not always one-way communication. After Jesus prays for the Father to glorify his name, a “voice came from heaven” and said, “I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again” (John 12:28). Some in the crowd interpreted the sound as thunder, while others said it was the voice of an angel (v. 29). Jesus didn’t specifically identify God as the source of the sound and simply referred to it as “this voice” (v. 30). Yet other times a heavenly voice was interpreted as coming directly from God (Matt. 3:17; 17:5; Rev. 4:1).

When Paul prayed for God to remove the thorn from his flesh, the Lord responded, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:8–9). Whether Paul heard an audible voice or simply sensed God’s response in some spiritual or mental way, we do not know. But it is possible God spoke to him verbally. After all, Paul heard a heavenly voice speak to him on the road to Damascus (Acts 9:3–6). And of all the New Testament examples of God talking back, Paul’s experience in Jerusalem comes closest to prayer as a dialogue (Acts 22:17–22). Paul was praying, and then Jesus commanded him to flee Jerusalem in order to escape persecution. Then Paul basically responded, “Leaving Jerusalem won’t be enough. I will be recognized by people in synagogues all over the region.” Jesus answered, “Go! I will send you far away to the Gentiles.”

These sort of occasions in the New Testament, however, are rare — even for Jesus and Paul.

Examples of turning to Scripture during prayer are even rarer in the New Testament. That doesn’t mean, however, that Scripture did not inform the prayers of early believers.

After the Sanhedrin arrested, interrogated, and released Peter and John, members of “the Way” lifted their voices in prayer and quoted the Psalms as they talked to God (Acts 4:23–30). But what Luke describes here differs from the common modern practice of praying to God with an open Bible and searching the Scriptures to hear him respond.

In New Testament times, most individuals didn’t own personal copies of Scripture. People had to attend synagogue or go to the temple to hear it read. And worshipers would do more than simply listen; they recited portions of Scripture and sang Psalms. God’s Word was written on their hearts. That’s why early believers were able to recite passages of Scripture when they prayed. For them, Scripture was more an aid to their words to God than God’s specific answer to their immediate request.

It remains that for us today. Recently, I found myself praying during a routine surgical procedure being performed on my daughter Grace, and I recalled the lines from a song inspired by Scripture: “Lord, you are more precious than silver. Lord, you are more costly than gold. Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds, and nothing I desire compares with you.” It was as if the Spirit himself was “speaking words of wisdom” to turn my heart to him and comfort me (Prov. 3:14–15).

Responses beyond Words

If we want to understand the extent to which prayer is conversation, we must contemplate the activity of the Holy Spirit. As Paul said, “We do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Rom. 8:26).

It’s not uncommon in social discourse for people to respond to devastating news with the expression “There are no words to describe...” Sometimes nonverbal communication speaks most powerfully. For instance, the groans of a mother whose baby has died, or of a father who lost a child in a car wreck, speak volumes. And if you’ve tried to comfort a loved one in a situation like one of these, you’ve discovered words often cause more pain. Nonverbal communication — an embrace or simply being present — is what really comforts.

Just as we sometimes don’t know how to respond to others, so we don’t always know how to pray. Sometimes when I don’t have the energy or faith to pray, all I can do is groan, knowing that God understands my frustration and pain. According to Paul, this is the type of prayer the Spirit inspires in us. Prayer, therefore, is not bound by intelligible human language. God not only understands but also inspires nonverbal communication.

And perhaps that’s how God communicates most often to us. Answered prayer — when things work out according to our requests — is a form of divine nonverbal communication. Petitioning prayer assumes God hears our pleas and will meet our needs accordingly. He may not speak back, but he does respond.

The New Testament is filled with examples of divine nonverbal communication. When the 11 apostles asked God who should replace Judas Iscariot, and the lot fell to Matthias (Acts 1:24–26). When the early church prayed for the courage to face persecution, and God shook their meeting place and filled them afresh with his Spirit (Acts 4:29–31). When God, in response to prayer, sent an angel to believers to give instructions and promise gifts (Luke 1:11–17; Acts 10:1–8).

If we approach prayer as a verbal dialogue, we’ll no doubt be disappointed. But if we realize God responds nonverbally, then we’ll begin to see his love and faithfulness in new ways. Even then, we so often misunderstand his nonverbal cues. God says he loves us, but we don’t always sense his love. Many people pray, “Give us this day our daily bread,” yet continue to starve. Jesus preached, “The kingdom of God is at hand” (Mark 1:15), but where is justice? And when Jesus cried out on the cross, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34), heaven was silent. The sky grew dark, and the ground shook. God seemed angry.

The divine comeback, God’s ultimate response to evil, injustice, sin, and death — what could be called the epitome of divine nonverbal communication — is the resurrected Christ. “God has not only raised the Lord,” Paul said, “but will also raise us up through his power” (1 Cor. 6:14). We may be tempted to believe that evil, suffering, and death prove God’s silence. But these are only ambient noises, and one day they will be silenced once and for all. God will have the last word when he raises us from the dead, when we are the embodiment of answered prayer.

Until then, let us continually pray, “Come, Lord,” (1 Cor. 16:22; Rev. 22:20). God understands our plight and never gets tired of the conversation (Luke 18:1–5), because he’s the one who started the conversation in the first place (John 1:1–14).

________

Rodney Reeves is dean of Courts Redford College of Theology and Ministry and professor of biblical studies at Southwest Baptist University.

20 Questions that turn a Conversation Christward.

=================================================

1. People invest time and energy into developing their careers, their

bodies, and their relationships, but often neglect the spiritual

dimension of their lives. How do you actively pursue spiritual

growth?

2. Do you think much about spiritual things? (This usual leads to

conversation about what "spiritual" means - i.e.. religion vs.

relationship)

3. How has this experience affected the way you look at God?

4. We've never had a chance to talk about your religious background.

Where would you say you are in your spiritual pilgrimage?

5. May I tell you how I established a personal relationship with God?

6. What is your concept of God?

7. Have you ever come to a point in your life where you trusted Jesus

Christ as your personal Savior and Lord, or do you think that is

something you've still moving toward? May I tell you how I came to

that point?

8. Do you find that faith and spiritual values play a role in your work?

Marriage? perspective on life?

9. If you could be sure there is a God, would you want to know him? (or)

If you could know God personally, would you want to?

10. Bring a friend to your church or a Christian event; then ask - What

did you think of it? Did it make sense to you?

11. Do you go to church? Why or Why not?

12. I'd hate for you to come to my church and not understand what it's all

about. Would you want to get together and discuss our basic

beliefs?

13. We've been friends for quite some time now, and I've never really

talked to you about the most important thing in my life. May I take

a few moments and do so?

14. Is church something that has had an influence in your life? Are you

at a point now that you want church to be a bigger part of your

life? What prompted this? Would you want to hear our basic

beliefs, so you'll know if that fits in with what you're looking

for?

15. How do you think a person becomes a Christian?

16. Can I share the thing I've found most important to me as a (dad) (mom)

(boss) (student) ?

17. What do you think about when you go to sleep at night? (If anxiety or

guilt robs them of sleep, introduce the peace found in a

relationship with Christ).

18. Most people in America say that they believe in God. What does

believing in God mean to you?

19. Before I came to know Christ personally, God was a vague concept I

could not relate to or grasp. How would you describe your view of

God? Of Jesus? Is He a reality to you or more of a vague concept?

20. If you were to die tonight, are you sure you'd go to heaven? Has

anyone ever explained how you can know for sure?

*

20 Questions that turn a Conversation Christward.

=================================================

1. People invest time and energy into developing their careers, their

bodies, and their relationships, but often neglect the spiritual

dimension of their lives. How do you actively pursue spiritual

growth?

2. Do you think much about spiritual things? (This usual leads to

conversation about what "spiritual" means - i.e.. religion vs.

relationship)

3. How has this experience affected the way you look at God?

4. We've never had a chance to talk about your religious background.

Where would you say you are in your spiritual pilgrimage?

5. May I tell you how I established a personal relationship with God?

6. What is your concept of God?

7. Have you ever come to a point in your life where you trusted Jesus

Christ as your personal Savior and Lord, or do you think that is

something you've still moving toward? May I tell you how I came to

that point?

8. Do you find that faith and spiritual values play a role in your work?

Marriage? perspective on life?

9. If you could be sure there is a God, would you want to know him? (or)

If you could know God personally, would you want to?

10. Bring a friend to your church or a Christian event; then ask - What

did you think of it? Did it make sense to you?

11. Do you go to church? Why or Why not?

12. I'd hate for you to come to my church and not understand what it's all

about. Would you want to get together and discuss our basic

beliefs?

13. We've been friends for quite some time now, and I've never really

talked to you about the most important thing in my life. May I take

a few moments and do so?

14. Is church something that has had an influence in your life? Are you

at a point now that you want church to be a bigger part of your

life? What prompted this? Would you want to hear our basic

beliefs, so you'll know if that fits in with what you're looking

for?

15. How do you think a person becomes a Christian?

16. Can I share the thing I've found most important to me as a (dad) (mom)

(boss) (student) ?

17. What do you think about when you go to sleep at night? (If anxiety or

guilt robs them of sleep, introduce the peace found in a

relationship with Christ).

18. Most people in America say that they believe in God. What does

believing in God mean to you?

19. Before I came to know Christ personally, God was a vague concept I

could not relate to or grasp. How would you describe your view of

God? Of Jesus? Is He a reality to you or more of a vague concept?

20. If you were to die tonight, are you sure you'd go to heaven? Has

anyone ever explained how you can know for sure?

*

Each Monday afternoon, I meet with three or four of our young pastors at a fast food cafe near my house. We sit there for an hour or more, drinking coffee or soft drinks, and sharing about our lives and ministries.

Recently, I threw out as a conversation starter: “Give us your life-verse, the Scripture that explains you.” I started with mine, Job 4:4, “Your words have stood men on their feet.”

Then Mark said, “Philippians 3:10, ‘That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings.’ I just want to know the Lord more and more. It’s all about Jesus.” He thought for a moment, then said, “And if you want to really know Him, you must be willing to suffer for Him. It’s a tough way, but it’s worth it.”

Mark told the group about some of the suffering in his life. He’s been through enough for several humans -- including the loss of both parents, difficulties in his church, depression in his personal life.

Someone said, “You never know that Jesus is enough until He’s all you have.”

While this discussion was going on, I was the only one who could see the two women employees who were having their late lunch in our little corner of the restaurant. The first one was reading her newspaper while working on her salad, but it would have been impossible for her not to hear what we were saying. The second woman came and went several times. A man sat at a booth not far away, clearly taking in the conversation.

When we first started meeting six months ago, we discussed meeting in a back room at one of their churches. I even thought of inviting them to my home. But everyone agreed the most convenient place was this little restaurant where people come and go all the time, where the coffee is cheap and hot, and where we will not be disturbing anyone by our meeting. I thought at the time, “And who knows -- the Lord may decide to use our witness to someone eavesdropping.”

Which is what happened today.

As the men were discussing how in our suffering God becomes more precious, the woman looked up suddenly and turned our way. I said, “Want to get in on this conversation?” and smiled. The men turned in her direction.

She said, “You were talking about our suffering. My 15-year-old son was killed in a car wreck three months ago and it broke my heart. But I’m so glad to know that just a few weeks earlier, he got saved.”

That brought a chorus of sympathy from these young pastors. She went on, “I can tell you’re all Christians. I’m a new Christian myself. I go to Victory Life. I’ve just been saved a short time. And you know what I discovered? It’s hard.”

Someone said, “You’ve been floating downstream, and now you’re swimming upstream. It is hard.”

“But you know what?” she said. “The big thing now is the Lord gives me hope. I never had any hope before. But in the long run, these earthly years are just a blip. A mist. We’ll hardly even remember them in eternity. The important thing is to get our family members saved.”

Her friend joined her and told of her situation. Two miscarriages, and a stillborn delivery.

“I’m Kathleen and she’s Debra,” the first one said. I said, “Could we pray for you?” And we did, filling that back room of the fast food place with our intercession for Heaven’s blessing upon these two women who have endured so much.

We were preparing to leave when one said, “We’re in the prison system. Assigned to this restaurant.”

That got our attention.

She named a nearby parish and said they have been in that prison, one for 10 months, the other for the past 2 years.

“Prayer is all you have,” one said. “Your children are out here, you don’t know doing what, and you can’t do a thing for them but pray. And what you pray is for the Lord to save them. Because if He does that, everything else falls into place.”

One said, “I never had time for God. I was raised in the church but went astray. I would walk past my Bible and look at it and know I should stop and read it. But I never took the time. Then I got in big trouble. When they put me in prison, it was a new one with larger cells for just two people. I finally had the time and opportunity to read my Bible, and I did. It took that for God to get through to me.”

As we were leaving, one of the pastors was getting names and contact information and giving them his. We said our goodbyes, then I turned back at the door. “The Lord sent me back to give you a hug,” I said.

One of those divine appointments that the Father delights in making.

Easily, the high point of that Monday.

Each Monday afternoon, I meet with three or four of our young pastors at a fast food cafe near my house. We sit there for an hour or more, drinking coffee or soft drinks, and sharing about our lives and ministries.

Recently, I threw out as a conversation starter: “Give us your life-verse, the Scripture that explains you.” I started with mine, Job 4:4, “Your words have stood men on their feet.”

Then Mark said, “Philippians 3:10, ‘That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings.’ I just want to know the Lord more and more. It’s all about Jesus.” He thought for a moment, then said, “And if you want to really know Him, you must be willing to suffer for Him. It’s a tough way, but it’s worth it.”

Mark told the group about some of the suffering in his life. He’s been through enough for several humans -- including the loss of both parents, difficulties in his church, depression in his personal life.

Someone said, “You never know that Jesus is enough until He’s all you have.”

While this discussion was going on, I was the only one who could see the two women employees who were having their late lunch in our little corner of the restaurant. The first one was reading her newspaper while working on her salad, but it would have been impossible for her not to hear what we were saying. The second woman came and went several times. A man sat at a booth not far away, clearly taking in the conversation.

When we first started meeting six months ago, we discussed meeting in a back room at one of their churches. I even thought of inviting them to my home. But everyone agreed the most convenient place was this little restaurant where people come and go all the time, where the coffee is cheap and hot, and where we will not be disturbing anyone by our meeting. I thought at the time, “And who knows -- the Lord may decide to use our witness to someone eavesdropping.”

Which is what happened today.

As the men were discussing how in our suffering God becomes more precious, the woman looked up suddenly and turned our way. I said, “Want to get in on this conversation?” and smiled. The men turned in her direction.

She said, “You were talking about our suffering. My 15-year-old son was killed in a car wreck three months ago and it broke my heart. But I’m so glad to know that just a few weeks earlier, he got saved.”

That brought a chorus of sympathy from these young pastors. She went on, “I can tell you’re all Christians. I’m a new Christian myself. I go to Victory Life. I’ve just been saved a short time. And you know what I discovered? It’s hard.”

Someone said, “You’ve been floating downstream, and now you’re swimming upstream. It is hard.”

“But you know what?” she said. “The big thing now is the Lord gives me hope. I never had any hope before. But in the long run, these earthly years are just a blip. A mist. We’ll hardly even remember them in eternity. The important thing is to get our family members saved.”

Her friend joined her and told of her situation. Two miscarriages, and a stillborn delivery.

“I’m Kathleen and she’s Debra,” the first one said. I said, “Could we pray for you?” And we did, filling that back room of the fast food place with our intercession for Heaven’s blessing upon these two women who have endured so much.

We were preparing to leave when one said, “We’re in the prison system. Assigned to this restaurant.”

That got our attention.

She named a nearby parish and said they have been in that prison, one for 10 months, the other for the past 2 years.

“Prayer is all you have,” one said. “Your children are out here, you don’t know doing what, and you can’t do a thing for them but pray. And what you pray is for the Lord to save them. Because if He does that, everything else falls into place.”

One said, “I never had time for God. I was raised in the church but went astray. I would walk past my Bible and look at it and know I should stop and read it. But I never took the time. Then I got in big trouble. When they put me in prison, it was a new one with larger cells for just two people. I finally had the time and opportunity to read my Bible, and I did. It took that for God to get through to me.”

As we were leaving, one of the pastors was getting names and contact information and giving them his. We said our goodbyes, then I turned back at the door. “The Lord sent me back to give you a hug,” I said.

One of those divine appointments that the Father delights in making.

Easily, the high point of that Monday.

A few years ago I found some relevant wisdom on evangelism and spiritual transformation in an unlikely place: Forbes Magazine. The article was entitled “The 3 Most Powerful Ways to Change People Who Don’t Want to Change,” by therapist and life coach Kathy Caprino.[1]

Over the years, she has studied the root causes of behavioral roadblocks and why people have such a hard time changing, even if it is likely to improve the quality of their life. Whether trying to lose 20 pounds, successfully quit smoking, or even just flossing each day, most people fail to reach their goals.

In fact, dieters in the U.S. spend $40 billion a year to lose weight, but 19 out of 20 (95%) lose nothing but their money.

To show that there are ways to help people successfully make changes, Caprino cited an experiment documented in a YouTube video done a few years ago by behavioral scientists David Maxfield and Joe Grenney.

In it, two 12-year-old boys tried to persuade smokers they encountered on the street to stop smoking. Their first approach was to hand out tracts on the dangers of smoking to every person with a cigarette in their hand and try to explain to them why they should quit smoking. The researchers followed up behind the boys, and found that 90% of the recipients had responded negatively and resentfully. They called this the “lecture approach.”

Then, the two boys were sent out again with what they called the “influential question” approach. The boys had cigarettes in their own hand and asked anyone they saw smoking if they would give them a light. Almost every time, the smokers declined to give them a light and told the boys why they shouldn’t smoke.

The boys would follow up with another question: “If smoking is bad for us, what about you? Why are you smoking?”

In this second approach, you see a receptivity and a dialogue unfold where the smokers are open and more receptive to talk without defensiveness. When the researchers followed up with this second group of smokers, 90% of these smokers committed to try to stop smoking! What a difference in the two approaches. But why did the second approach work?

Caprino interviewed Maxfield to explore this question. Maxfield identified common mistakes we often make when attempting to change behavior.

One of the biggest mistakes we make is ‘attacking’ people with information and lecturing them. We assume that if they knew more, they would change. Instead, he says, “When you’re trying to influence people who need motivation, not information, don’t offer more information. Instead, work to create a safe environment where they can explore motivations they already have.”

The way to do this is not with speeches, but with good questions. The boys allowed the smokers to feel safe and to acknowledge their own ambivalence about their behavior. The premise is that if we stop forcing people to take the wrong side of the argument by lecturing them (psychologists call this “reactance”), but instead use questions to explore their own motivations at their own pace, we’re much more likely to see them open up to our point of view.

How does this relate to evangelism?

Our tendency as Christians is to use a lecture approach. It’s not that a lecture approach is bad or wrong. If 10% of the people who hear the information about the gospel will receive it, then when appropriate, we should continue with that approach as God leads. The Apostle Paul reminds us in 1 Peter 3:15 that we should “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

In church services on Sunday, or when the Holy Spirit prompts you to personally share the gospel, if someone is expected to preach the gospel or asks you to give a reason for the hope you have, the lecture or ‘telling’ approach is appropriate and effective. People are showing you they are ready to receive that information.

But if the other 90% are more receptive to a question approach, then we should also be ready to adjust our personal evangelism style by asking influential questions. This enables people to safely explore what they believe in respectful dialogue.

While we see both approaches in Jesus’ earthly ministry, He was a master at the question approach, asking more than 300 questions in the four Gospels.

For example, in Mark 10 we read a remarkable exchange between Jesus and Bartimaeus. Bartimaeus, a blind man, was sitting beside the road as Jesus walked by, shouting for his attention over the din of a crowd. Others told him to be quiet. But when Jesus heard him, he stopped, told the people to bring the blind man over, and asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51).

Jesus didn’t ask many questions, or even a particularly profound question. His question was simple. Rather than assuming this man wanted to be able to see, Jesus asked a question that allowed Bartimaeus the dignity of communicating what he most desired — to see.

And in that moment, Bartimaeus was given the chance to reveal his faith in Jesus as He healed him.

How about you? Are you attentive to the Holy Spirit’s leading and prepared to use a question versus a lecture approach some of the time? Like Jesus with the blind man Bartimaeus, we may find that the influential question approach often gives others a better chance to reveal their deepest need and make faith decisions that will ultimately transform their entire lives.

________

1. .

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #24404]