100 Sermon Illustrations on Loneliness

The mind has a powerful impact on our health. Lonely people and stressful people (esp. due to tragedy) are more likely to get sick. Mortality is three times higher among those with the fewest close relationships. Having good friends and relatives seems to afford a measure of protection from stressful life events.

Positive mental attitudes can encourage good health. May be physical reasons for it. Not just New Age philosophy. Immune system and brain interrelate with each other. However, sickness or a lack of healing is not always due to a bad attitude.

Unmarried, middle-aged men are twice as likely to die as those who have spouses. Living together doesn’t help, you have to be married. 23% of men ages 45-54 who lived without a spouse died within 10 years, compared with 11% of those who lived with their wives. Women are much happier single.

Marriage apparently breeds better living habits, with single men drinking and smoking more and eating less well.

[see #1235]

The Europeans who came here to settle North America found it vast and

unexplored. "Self-reliant" was the watchword, and the scout, the mountain man

or the pioneer, with his axe and rifle over his shoulder, became the national

hero.

In those early days the government gave away quarter sections of land to

anyone who would homestead, in order to encourage settlement. People flocked

west from crowded cities and villages to have their own land at last. Before

they could farm the land they had chosen, their first job was to build a sod

hut to live in, and we know that most families built them right smack-dab in

the middle of their quarter section. The reason was obvious. People who had

never owned land before had a new sense of pride and ownership. They wanted

to feel that everything they saw belonged to them.

But that custom changed very quickly. This chosen isolation did strange

things to people. Occasionally, photographers went out to record life on the

frontier and returned with photographs of weird men, wild-eyed women, and

haunted-looking children. Before long most of these families learned to move

their houses to one corner of their property in order to live in proximity

with three other families who also lived on the corners of their property.

Four families living together, sharing life and death, joy and sorrow,

abundance and want, had a good chance of making it.

#1589

*

As we’ve said before on BreakPoint, America has a growing heroin epidemic. And as tragic as this is, it is an opportunity for the Church to be the Church.

Do you remember the “Just Say No” anti-drug campaigns of the 80s? One ad showed a rat frantically licking a water bottle laced with opiates. And a voice declared, “Only one drug is so addictive, nine out of ten laboratory rats will use it. And use it. And use it. Until dead ... And it can do the same thing to you.”

This ad was referring to research published in 1978 that found when lab rats were given access to large quantities of opiates, they drugged themselves to death. These experiments supported the “chemical hook” understanding of drug addiction.

But in a recent TED talk, writer Johann Hari claimed that everything we know about addiction is wrong, including the ‘chemical hook’ model that most of us take as settled science. Hari came to this view after talking with medical researcher Bruce Alexander, who noticed that the rats in the original experiments were locked alone in cages with nothing else to do but use the drugs.

Alexander wondered if the rats would behave differently if they weren’t isolated and bored. To find out, he created an elaborate colony called “Rat Park,” which had plenty of food, fun, and company. In his experiment, the rats in isolation drank up to 25 milligrams of morphine-laced water daily, compared to less than 5 milligrams for the rats in Rat Park. Alexander concluded that isolated rats almost always become junkies, while rats living among other rats almost never will.

That experiment, along with other research, led Hari to conclude that the “War on Drugs” is missing a crucial point. It is focused more on stopping the supply of drugs than on figuring out why people feel the need to use them in the first place.

Hari argues that the problem “of addiction doesn’t lie in what you swallow or inject — it’s in the pain you feel in your head.” Or as one recovering crack and heroin addict told him, “Addiction is a disease of loneliness.”

If Hari is right, there are incredible possibilities for the real-world mission of the Church since we live in an increasingly isolated world. Greater numbers of people seek escape from pain, fear, and the loneliness that comes from family and social breakdown. Hari suggests that we don’t have an addiction problem so much as a bonding problem. He writes that “if we can’t bond with other people, we will find a behavior to bond with, whether it’s watching pornography, or smoking crack or gambling.”

This situation is tailor-made for Gospel-centered churches. Christians have always been a community of the walking wounded. Rather than presenting churches as places of perfection, we can reach out to substance abusers with vulnerability and honesty about our own need for recovery from the ravages of sin.

Yet, that’s easier said than done. In his book, “Life Together,” Dietrich Bonhoeffer described a big challenge Christians have in creating healing communities. He said that although people “have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and the fellowship.” If this describes your church, you might have a problem.

Alexander believes that we’ll only find lasting healing when we move past treating individuals and embrace what he calls “social recovery.” He asks, “How can we rebuild a society where we don’t feel so alone and afraid, and where we can form healthier bonds? ... where we look for happiness in one another rather than in consumption?” The answer, of course, is the Church, the body of believers living in fellowship with Jesus and with each other. As Hari says, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. It’s connection.”

Resources

Everything You Think You Know About Addiction Is Wrong

Johann Hari | TED talk | June 2015

Hard-Wired To Connect: The Field of Social Neuroscience

Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | April 30, 2007

[HolwickID #34499]

________

Copyright (c) 2015 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

The German philosopher Schopenhauer compared the human race to a bunch of porcupines huddling together on a cold winter’s night. He said, “The colder it gets outside, the more we huddle together for warmth; but the closer we get to one another, the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills. And in the lonely night of earth’s winter eventually we begin to drift apart and wander out on our own and freeze to death in our loneliness.”

Christ has given us an alternative: to forgive each other for the pokes we receive. That allows us to stay together and stay warm.

-- Wayne Brouwer; Holland, Michigan

The “Atlantic Monthly” (11/94) told about superstar tenors Jose Carreras, Placido Domingo, and Luciano Pavarotti performing together in Los Angeles. A reporter tried to press the issue of competiveness between the three men.

“You have to put all of your concentration into opening your heart to the music,” Domingo said. “You can’t be rivals when you’re together making music.”

That’s also true in the church.

Sermon in Fresh Look at Jesus series. Jesus and relationships. John 15:15

[full text at end]

==============================

WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS

==============================

I. What would it be like to run into Jesus?

A. He gets a lot of attention this month.

B. Learning about Jesus teaches us about ourselves.

C. Jesus was fully human, just as much as us.

II. Everybody needs somebody.

A. Loneliness is not God's will for us. Gen 2:18

1) He put their needs ahead of his own. Mark 6:45-50

2) He always had time for them.

3) Jesus even had a favorite friend.

III. Jesus revealed God's secrets to his friends.

A. Parables of Kingdom of God.

B. Prophecies about the future.

C. Jesus knew what made his friends tick.

IV. Jesus never gave up on them.

A. Even when they abandoned him at the cross.

B. "Greater love has no one than this..." John 15:13

C. He wants to be our friend forever.

#4424

[seemed too flat, with not enough application]

==============================================================================

Full text:

Rev. David Holwick ZO "A FRESH LOOK AT JESUS" sermon series

First Baptist Church

Ledgewood, New Jersey

December 6, 1998

John 15:12-17

==============================

WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS

==============================

SERMON SUMMARY: Jesus was a friend to his disciples but he also needed

friends himself. Christians can learn from Jesus on how to nurture

relationships.

I. What would it be like to run into Jesus?

A. He gets a lot of attention this month.

1) Everybody must adore him.

a) In reality, he is more of an excuse than a reason.

b) Most people like to party and get gifts.

2) The real neat thing about Christmas.

a) Bible says God became a man.

1> Fully divine, fully human.

2> Hard for us to grasp.

3> Even most Christians relegate him to lofty heaven.

b) How do you view Jesus?

B. Learning about Jesus teaches us about ourselves.

1) Since the Bible says he was the only perfect human, we

can find out much about ourselves by looking at him.

2) This series will try to take a new look at him and how

we can know him.

C. Jesus was fully human, just as much as us.

1) It wasn't a thin veneer like in Sci-Fi "alien movies."

2) If he needed something, we need it as well.

3) One thing Jesus needed was relationships.

II. Everybody needs somebody.

A. Loneliness is not God's will for us.

1) From beginning, we were created to need others. Gen 2:18

2) We can live without others, but at a terrible price.

Charles Swindoll gives a vivid description of one poor

rich man:

Howard Hughes was one of the richest men in the world, with

the destinies of thousands of people -- perhaps even of

governments -- at his disposal.

Yet he lived a sunless, joyless, half-lunatic life.

In his later years he fled from one resort hotel to another

-- Las Vegas, Nicaragua, Acapulco.

His physical appearance become odder and odder.

His straggly beard hung to his waist and his hair reached

to the middle of his back.

His fingernails were two inches long, and his toenails hadn't

been trimmed for so long they resembled corkscrews.

"As far as I know," a Hughes confidant once said, "he's

never loved any woman.

It's sex, or a good secretary, or good box office--that is

all a woman means to him."

Hughes often said, "Every man has his price or a guy like me

couldn't exist."

Yet no amount of money bought the affection of his

associates.

Most of his employees who have broken the silence report

their disgust for him.

Why was Hughes so isolated and so lonely?

Why with almost unlimited money, hundreds of aides, and

countless beautiful women available to him, was he so

unloved?

Simply because he chose to be.

It is an old truth that God gave us things to use and

people to enjoy.

Hughes never learned to enjoy people.

He was too busy manipulating them.

#1575

B. By contrast, Jesus DID learn to enjoy people.

1) Jesus desired intimate closeness and he achieved it.

2) His ministry on earth was basically spent pouring himself

into twelve ordinary men.

III. Jesus cared about his friends.

A. He put their needs ahead of his own.

1) Evidence in feeding 5,000 and walking on water. Mark 6:45-50

a) Fed people because he had compassion on them.

b) He sent disciples ahead to rest.

2) He must have been dead tired himself.

B. He always had time for them.

1) His words of assurance as he walked on the water didn't

just prove he was Son of God, but that he wanted to

help them out.

2) When his ministry got most intense, he took them to a

beautiful secluded area to "de-compress."

3) He wanted to be with them.

a) Temptation of modern world - passive, isolated

entertainment.

b) Most recent example is the Internet, where even those

who communicate daily feel no intimacy.

C. Jesus even had a favorite friend.

1) The apostle John is described as "the one whom Jesus loved."

2) Pretty remarkable - to be Jesus' best friend.

3) What would it be like if such a thing were done today...

What would happen if in 1998 someone were identified

from all of Christendom as Jesus' best friend?

Barbara Walters would do the interview.

Time and Newsweek would have them on the cover.

What do you think it would do to that person's life?

Do you think that person would write a book or cut a CD

or go on the road on a Best-Friend-of-Jesus seminar?

Wouldn't it have the high potential of ruining that

person's entire life?

It also could have done more - he could have ruined

Jesus's life.

Jesus needed friends he could trust.

#3091

IV. Jesus revealed God's secrets to his friends.

A. Parables of Kingdom of God.

1) He used easy terms when he preached, unlike the rabbis.

2) Sign of his friendship is he revealed everything to them.

John 15:15

B. Prophecies about the future.

1) Olivet Discourse on future of world. (Matthew 24)

2) He even let them know their own destinies.

a) Peter heard that he would be sifted like wheat.

b) Then he heard that he would betray Jesus.

c) Finally, Peter heard how he would die.

1> Each time, Jesus was trying to strengthen him

and prepare him.

V. Jesus knew what made his friends tick.

A. Gave nicknames like "Sons of Thunder." Mark 3:17

1) He enjoyed them.

2) They tried to impress him, but he knew them right down to

their very thoughts.

3) He treated them as equals, as disciples, as friends.

B. They could ask him any question they wanted.

1) His answers could be soft - with an edge. Mark 9:33-37

2) Little child as an example of greatness in God's eyes.

C. He took initiative with people.

1) He healed people even if they didn't ask him to.

2) As soon as he met them, he called them "friend." Luke 5:20

VI. Jesus never gave up on them.

A. Even when they abandoned him at the cross.

1) John abandoned Jesus with the rest, but at the cross Jesus

entrusted his mother Mary to him. John 19:25-27

2) He had compassion in his voice when he spoke to them.

3) He reached out to them in their greatest failure.

Jackie Robinson was the first black to play major league

baseball.

While breaking baseball's "color barrier," he faced

jeering crowds in every stadium.

While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he

committed an error.

His fans began to ridicule him.

He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans jeered.

Then shortstop "Pee Wee" Reese came over and stood next

to him.

He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd.

The fans grew quiet.

Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved

his career.

#1751

B. "Greater love has no one than this..." John 15:13

... that he lay down his life for his friends.

1) Jesus gave his friends the greatest gift of all,

salvation.

2) He had qualms but never wavered from God's will.

C. He wants to be our friend forever.

1) Revelation gives image of Jesus standing at door, knocking.

2) He wants us to be friends with each other.

a) 65% of new people come to church because of friends.

b) New members should have 7 friends in six months.

=======================================================================

SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:

This series was inspired by Issue 56 of Discipleship Journal, March 1990,

and this sermon is modelled on the article "The Friend," by

Mark R. Littleton, page 20.

#1575, "Dropping Your Guard," by Charles R. Swindoll, page 56.

#1751, "To Illustrate: Brotherhood," by Larry Wise, Leadership Magazine, Spring 1990,

page 48.

#3091, "The Art Of Positive And Negative Preaching," by Craig Brian Larson,

Leadership Magazine, Winter 1995, page 79.

These and 4,300 others are part of a database that can be downloaded,

absolutely free, at http://users.nac.net/wdh2000/illust.html

*

Chin Wee's funeral was a graceful metaphor for his long life. It was simple and dignified. And it offered the mourners comfort and reassurance.

In a thoughtful eulogy, the officiating minister, the Rev. Michael Waco, used details and anecdotes to honor Wee's 82 years, citing his long-ago emigration from China in search of a new life, his military service for his newly adopted country, a long and devoted marriage. And he marveled at Wee's dedication in accomplishing a lifelong goal of sending his five children to college.

The mourners would not have guessed that Waco never met Wee -- or that it was his fourth funeral that day for a stranger.

It's among the most difficult of clerical tasks: to find the words, with barely a day's notice, to sum up an entire life that is wholly unfamiliar.

"My goal is to make the service as personal as possible," Waco said. "The greatest compliment I can get is to have the family say afterwards, 'It's as if you knew him.'"

Every day funeral homes scramble to find ministers to officiate at services for people with no pastors of their own. They're needed to bury the unchurched, the isolated and sometimes even the unidentified. Regular churchgoers' pastors may be unavailable, or ministers may have congregations so large that they aren't acquainted with every member.

Preparing a funeral for a stranger calls on a host of ministerial skills, not the least of which is the ability to prepare and deliver a sermon on a tight deadline, often interrupting routine clerical duties.

But those who make it a habit to "free-lance" funerals say they regard the job as part of their calling.

"If the family asks me, I feel like I have an obligation to that family," said Harold Elliott, a longtime Baptist minister and chaplain to the Arlington (Texas) Police Department. "If a funeral home asks me, I don't have any right to say no."

Over the years, Elliott has officiated at funerals in difficult, often painful circumstances.

"Homicides, suicides, traffic fatalities, crib deaths, everything you can name," he said. Those are not the times to grill families about the deceased's churchgoing habits, he said.

One of the saddest occasions, he said, was the funeral in September for a newborn baby girl, found dead in a trash bin outside a convenience store. Police have never found the baby's parents.

Elliott delivered a moving eulogy for the infant, christened "Angelica," during a service planned and paid for by donors who included police officers, firefighters and an Arlington funeral home.

"Angelica has now seen the face of God, and she will never experience darkness or sadness again," he said during the service, which drew 50 people to mourn a baby they never knew. "She will never be abandoned in the presence of he who promised never to leave or forsake her."

Far more common are funerals for those who, by choice or circumstance, have no regular pastor.

"It doesn't matter whether they're members or not," said the Rev. Dudley Dancer, an associate pastor at Lovers Lane United Methodist Church. "I strongly believe this is a service we need to provide, because I strongly believe that we're all children of God."

Willingness to take on strangers' funerals can involve the occasional bending of theological rules. Protestants have performed last rites to comfort grieving Catholic families; one Church of Christ minister recalls blundering through a Greek Orthodox service.

Some parish priests won't conduct funerals for nonparishioners. But Monsignor Larry Pichard of Cathedral Santuario de Guadalupe in Dallas said he never turns families away.

"Our intent is to bring God's care to that family, no matter where they are on their journey," he said. "The judgment is really up to God, not to us."

But it's sad and awkward, he said, when nonpracticing Catholics insist on a full funeral Mass in which they have forgotten how to participate.

"I do find it difficult to celebrate the Mass when the people don't know how to pray it," he said, citing the participatory ritual of prayers, responses and kneeling.

Instead, Pichard said, he encourages such families to choose a less ritualized service.

The Catholic tradition, he pointed out, does not call for a eulogy specifically for the deceased during the funeral.

"We're not really talking about that person's life, but about the mystery of Christ's death and resurrection," he said. "Of course," he added, smiling a little, "when we can put some icing on the cake, we do it."

Waco, a Disciples of Christ minister, served three congregations over 30 years, but now he specializes in funerals. He is a part-time staff member for several area funeral homes; the largest is Restland in North Dallas.

It is, he agreed, an unusual calling, but a valuable one. Conducting services for people who don't have a pastor is, in a sense, the emergency-room version of the pastoral care business. He has performed as many as six funerals in one day, and his self-imposed task is to tailor every service to the person who has died.

"Just because they may have been unchurched people doesn't mean we can't celebrate the life that was," he said. "I've done funerals forever, but it's only recently I came to realize how important they are."

Some families ask Waco to officiate at subsequent funerals; the son of a man whose funeral he performed last year asked this year for him to officiate at his wedding.

"In a sense, I become their pastor for a time," he said. "This is the time when people are the most vulnerable, and they need that care and compassion."

Yet sometimes there is no one for whom to care, nothing but a body to commit to the ground.

"I had one service with nobody there but the trust officer who settled the estate," Waco said. "There are some where no one is there but me and the funeral director at the graveside."

In those cases, he said, he can only offer what he believes everyone is entitled to in death.

"I just do a prayer, and words of commitment," he said.

Dancer said such services are sad and memorable. He has conducted lonely services for friendless paupers and for those who outlived their contemporaries.

"It's simple," he said. "Just Holy Scripture and the Lord's Prayer and a commitment into the hands of God. But it's something you don't forget."

And then there are funerals for those about whom there is little good to say.

"If you have a person who was exceedingly bad and everyone knows it, it's very difficult," Elliott said. But he officiates nonetheless. Every life, he said, is entitled to a funeral, even if it was squandered.

"I've known of some people who had no service, who just died and were cremated," he said. "We've not honored or dignified that person. Somebody, somewhere, probably cared for that person at some time."

Pichard agreed. "Even Mafia members have funerals," he said. "You hope for salvation; you hope for them to be with God."

Dancer said that when he meets a family -- often briefly and only once -- he tries to get as much information about the deceased as he can. And he seeks to offer pastoral care to survivors with no regular pastor to whom they can turn.

"It's what I call 'kitchen table theology,'" Dancer said. "It can really be in some ways a psychological release" for families stricken with grief or exhausted from nursing a relative through a final illness.

And sometimes, especially in cases where the deceased suffered a long illness, the family needs encouragement to remember the loved one's best years.

One family, he said, abruptly recalled that their father had been a crack naval engineer who helped develop crucial technology for building pontoon bridges. Another reminisced about their grandmother's love of opera music.

And often there's healing laughter as family members swap stories: "In most cases, it's the first time since the death they've sat down across the table and said, 'Let's talk about Dad.' Or they'll start telling the story of how Uncle Bill fell off the porch," Dancer said. "Nine times out of 10, they'll end up laughing."

Sometimes, Dancer said, he has to gently dig to pry the memories loose.

"They'll say, 'Dad's been in the nursing home with Alzheimer's for five years,' and I'll have to ask them to remember him before that," he said. "I'll start asking, Did he raise cats? Did he like the Cowboys? Did he have a garden?"

Dancer and other ministers say they count on such meetings to prepare their remarks for the funeral.

The stories create mini-portraits of a human life, and sometimes, Dancer said, he regrets not having known the deceased.

"I had an 87-year-old woman who, two weeks before she died, was riding a motorcycle," he said. "I told the family, 'She was my kind of gal.'"

It's those memories and anecdotes, Dancer said, that give the minister -- and, in turn, the mourners -- a chance to celebrate a life rather than a dry set of facts.

"The statistics in the obituary are not the person," he said. "The stories are who they are."

_______________

(c) 1998, The Dallas Morning News.

http://www.dallasnews.com/

Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #15817]

A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited.

The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet fascination. As the one lone ember's flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and “dead as a doornail.” Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday.”

1. A number of years ago the following ad was placed in a Midwestern newspaper: “I will listen to you talk for 30 minutes without a comment for $5.00.” Sounds like a scam, doesn't it? It was not. Person placing ad received 10-20 calls a day.

2. Paul Tournier tells of a Swiss woman who lived in a large apartment house and worked with many people. Each evening she tuned in to the sign-off of the radio station just to hear a voice say, “We wish you a very pleasant good night.” She imagined that voice speaking just to her.

3. Loneliness. It's not uncommon. The world is full of Eleanor Rigbys. Thomas Wolfe: “The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.”

The birth of every child is special, but my younger son’s birth was extraordinary. My wife nudged me in the middle of the night to inform me her water had broken. A race to the hospital ensued. Fifty-two minutes from the water breaking and 17 minutes after entering the hospital, our third child, Hutch, came into the world. But the precipitous labor was not the special part.

An Uncommon Providence

Hutch was an unexpected pregnancy. We discovered his life four months after his older brother died. Hutch was born on November 13, the one-year anniversary of his older brother’s funeral. Everything about his conception and arrival came saliently from the hand of God.

Given the unique circumstances of Hutch’s birth, I have a cautious hopefulness about his life. I wonder if God has special plans. Perhaps Hutch will reach thousands of people for Christ. Maybe his life will demonstrate massive kingdom impact. Hopefully he will embody godly character and a loving spirit. Whatever it looks like, I have a sense Hutch will be special.

Make Him Safe?

Alongside these hopes I hold for my son resides another view into his future. Having experienced the incredible pain of losing a child, I possess a desire to shield him from suffering. I tremble at the idea he may be bullied, or friendless, or experience depression, or struggle with addiction, or encounter failure, or be a victim of violence, or have his heart broken, or — God forbid — lose a child.

So, in my mind, I begin to scheme. How can I insulate him? How do I best protect him? I start mentally engineering his life to avoid suffering. We can hover over him at the playground. We can put him in a “safe” school. We can buy him the right sneakers so he never feels like a loser. We can prohibit contact sports. We can delay dating and driving until as late as possible. We can forbid all social media until college.

As I listen to myself drift into this fantasyland of futile control, I realize I’m walking up to Jesus and kneeling beside the mother of James and John, as depicted in Matthew 20. I foolishly ask for my son to have a seat at his right hand, without weighing the costs. I assume he can rise to a place of impact in God’s kingdom without as much as a scrape on his knee.

To the mother of the sons of Zebedee and to all parents who foolishly think we can shield our children from all suffering, while believing our children can gain Christian character without it, Jesus first says this: “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” (Matt. 20:22)

No Crown Without a Cross

On Jesus’s way to redeeming the world he encountered betrayal, injustice, torture, violence, condemnation, imprisonment, and alienation. He opened the door to glory through a cross. How deluded I am when I think an alternate path exists for my child’s “hoped for” service to God’s kingdom. He will not wear the crown of glory unless he bears a cross.

And how forgetful I am about my own formation as a Christian. Any Christian character I’ve gained in life has come at a price. There were humiliating failures in Little League and crushing (in my mind at the time) breakups in dating relationships. There was a sprained ankle days before a championship swim meet and a tantrum that landed me on the bench in junior varsity baseball. There were moral failures, lonely seasons, a bout with depression, and a job demotion. God’s Word and Spirit worked in me during these glorious humiliations and disappointments to instill empathy, perseverance, and compassion — all of which I still need more and more.

All of us parents know this is true: no person gains any character, humility, empathy, or integrity in the context of comfort. These attributes grow by God’s grace in the fertile ground of pain, struggle, and humiliation.

True Greatness

Hear the second statement Jesus made to the mother of James and John, and to us: “Whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matt. 20:28).

The hope of the Christian parent is to raise a child who lays down his or her life in service to God and neighbor. But faithful servants have very little ability to give their life to God and others when they’ve never found themselves lying in a gutter or two along the way. With each painful circumstance my son encounters, God will help him accumulate empathy for others. And this compassion acquired through suffering will provide a foundation for his ability to minister to others.

I want my baby to be a special servant of the Lord, and so I entrust his circumstances to the good and sovereign Lord. Knowing life inherently holds more than enough pain, I will protect him as much as common sense tolerates. But in handing over his life to God, I must brace myself for the reality that a painful road awaits him.

I take comfort knowing the Lord has already suffered for sinners like him. I find assurance knowing Christ has carried me through my own hardships, and I pray he’ll do the same for Hutch. I have hope anticipating that he may taste the joy of being redeemed, comforted, sanctified, and known by Jesus.

"The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence."

-- Thomas Wolfe

We are told that, after a visit to the palace to visit with Queen Victoria, the great poet Alfred Lord Tennyson commented, "Up there, in all her glory and splendor, she was lonely." Nothing, whether it is royal status, wealth, public success, or bustling activism, can remove that need we have for other people.

In the later years of his life Vance Havner, one of the best-known and most beloved Bible teachers of this century, talked poignantly about the loneliness he felt after his wife went to be with the Lord. Havner had married somewhat later in life, and always had a keen sense that his wife was a special gift from the Lord. Havner continued his ministry after her death, but referred to himself as a “lonely old man” and looked forward to their reunion in heaven.

“Please come home early.” This was the most unreasonable request ever made by my wife of almost 40 years. She didn't make this request often. It came mostly on Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays, but it seemed that I always had so many things to do that in spite of her gentle urging, I rarely came home early. I don't want to give the impression that I was never at home. I was at home a lot. We rarely did anything out of the ordinary. We enjoyed the kids and the grandchildren. We listened to music, read the paper, and had meals together. Sometimes we would just talk about how the day had gone.

Now I know why she asked me so often to “Please come home early.” She wasn't just lonely, she was lonely for me. When she passed away a short time ago, I learned firsthand what loneliness is all about. I have a supportive family and many good friends. I'm free now to go places and do things, but I'm lonesome. Lonesome for her. Now that she's gone, I've found the time to “come home early,” but there is nobody to come home to. There is nobody to do those simple little things with, such as watching the evening news, listening to music, and reading the paper. And nobody cares how my day went. If I should get a call from the good Lord to “Please come home early,” I won't fight it.

Words like loneliness, isolation and alienation describe how many people feel about their existence. We have become such a transient people that few people live near their nuclear family. We move so often that we find it challenging to make friends; as a result, many people simply don’t try. The people around us are little more than faceless and anonymous acquaintances.

Sounds depressing doesn’t it? Yet the apparent loneliness and the need for fellowship provide one of the greatest opportunities for the church to advance the Kingdom. If people need and desire fellowship and the church is the only place where authentic fellowship can occur, then why are we failing to make the connection? Tragically, many people who have attended our churches indicate that they have not experienced fellowship. Exit interviews with those who have dropped out of church indicate that many left the church because they sensed that they didn’t belong and that no one cared about them.

I am a guest in a different church nearly every week, and I know that most believers do care. How, then, do we express our concern in such a manner that those attending our church will experience genuine fellowship? I think our largest barrier is that we often attend church so focused on our own needs that we fail to minister to others. What we need is a Kingdom refocusing and an intentional strategy for expressing fellowship.

FIVE UNDENIABLE TRUTHS

• Fellowship is not optional to biblical Christianity. Man was created for fellowship. From the very beginning, God declared that it was not good for man to be alone. While this statement was the prelude to the declaration on marriage, it nonetheless indicates man’s need for community. In His final instructions to His disciples, Jesus repeated a single command three times: “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34; 15:12, 17). It is an inescapable truth -- we cannot belong to Christ without belonging to a community of believers.

• Fellowship with other believers is essential to personal spiritual growth. One of the most powerful prayers for the church is found in Ephesians 3:14-21. Paul prays that believers would know the love of Christ which “surpasses knowledge.” How can we know something that surpasses our understanding? The key is found in the critical phrase, “with all the saints.” None of us know all there is to know about God’s love, but together we have a larger picture of His love. To think that we can individually grow in our love of Christ while we neglect other believers is utter nonsense.

• Fellowship is essential to ministry since the unified body is the platform for the proper functioning of the spiritual gifts. In every passage where spiritual gifts are mentioned the issue of unity of the body and the common good are always preeminent. The imagery of the properly functioning body in 1 Corinthians 12 establishes the need for fellowship among body members.

• Authentic fellowship can only be found in Christ. One of the key Greek terms that is translated “fellowship” in our English Bibles is “koinonia.” In secular Greek, a public park might be referred to as “koinos” because it belonged to everyone. When applied to people, “koinonia” could indicate a business or marriage partnership. For the early church “koinonia” was a group of believers who were bound together by their common loyalty to Christ. Our fellowship crosses racial, cultural, gender and other artificial boundaries to find its basis in Christ alone.

• Fellowship is essential to Kingdom expansion. Since people are created with a need for fellowship, the church that practices biblical fellowship will function like a magnet to the fellowship-hungry world. This truth is articulated by John in his first letter. In the first two verses of the first chapter, John speaks of believers declaring what they had experienced concerning the Word of Life. Why? “What we have seen and heard we also declare to you, so that you may have fellowship along with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ” (1 John 1:3). Notice that fellowship by definition could never be diluted by numerical growth.

THE ACTS MODEL

You can’t read Acts without developing a profound appreciation for the deep level of fellowship enjoyed by the early Christians. These early believers, Jew and Gentile alike, were thrust together by their common conviction that Jesus was the Messiah. No doubt, many of those radical enough to declare their loyalty to Christ were cut off by former family members and friends. After all, they had identified themselves with a group of persons who many deemed to be a dangerous and heretical splinter group from historic Judaism. Thus fellowship was not an option but a necessity. The new community of believers had literally become family.

In Acts 1:14 we have our first hint of the depth of first-century fellowship. We are told that they were “continually united in prayer.” The word “continually” indicates that these early believers spent a large amount of time together. Luke uses the word “devoted” to indicate the depth of the commitment of the early believers to their fellowship (2:42). Fellowship was not an occasional pot luck meal with people one barely knows by name; it was an intimate family connection that created a passionate desire for daily communion. Listen to this description of the early church: “And every day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple complex, and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart” (2:46).

The fellowship of the church had practical implications. “Now all the believers were together and had everything in common. So they sold their possessions and property and distributed the proceeds to all, as anyone had a need” (2:44-45). This does not suggest that they established a commune -- they did not dispose of all earthly possessions and retreat to an outpost in the Palestinian desert. While they maintained personal property rights, they willingly sold excess property and possessions as the needs of others dictated. Simply put, they responded to one another’s needs as family members would -- spontaneously and generously.

BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS

The Pauline letters are filled with imagery that speaks of the intimate nature and necessity of fellowship in the church. He often illustrates the work of the church by comparing it to a physical body which must be unified to function properly. He declares that God has “placed the parts, each one of them, in the body just as He wanted” (1 Corinthians 12:18). He indicates that the body members are so interrelated that the suffering of one member impacts the entire body (1 Corinthians 12:26).

But let’s be honest. The church today is made up of such a widely diverse population that unity and fellowship are challenging at best. We are diverse in terms of gender, age, race, financial strength, musical tastes, leadership styles, giftedness -- and the list goes on. This diversity could become a barrier to fellowship. In Ephesians 2, Paul explains how such barriers can be broken down. Paul speaks of the most formidable barrier of his day -- the barrier between Jew and Gentile. In his description he uses words like “excluded,” “foreigners,” “far away,” and “with no hope.” What could overcome this isolation? “But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away have been brought near by the blood of the Messiah. For He is our peace, who made both groups one and tore down the dividing wall of hostility” (Ephesians 2:13-14).

In Ephesians 4 Paul entreats believers to walk in a manner worthy of their calling. One aspect of that worthy walk requires believers to accept “one another in love, diligently keeping the unity of the Spirit with the peace that binds us” (2b-3). Paul follows this with the sevenfold unity that believers have in Christ. “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all” (4-6).

THE NECESSARY ATTITUDE

In Philippians 2 Paul speaks of the attitude necessary for building fellowship. Paul begins with several statements which anticipate a positive response. “If then there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal. Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (1-4).

What would happen in your church and in the broader Christian community if we began to embody the truths of these verses? Do you think such a level of fellowship is possible? Before you answer, remember it is the work of the Spirit to create this fellowship. Perhaps you noticed that our unity is based not only on our common relationship to Christ but on our sharing of a common goal -- God’s Kingdom and His glory.

What would happen if everyone in your church shared this common goal? That is what the Kingdom-centered church is about. I continually tell people that the longer I live, the simpler I become. I don’t believe that anything or anyone will change the hearts and minds of our people except the Holy Spirit as He applies Scripture to the hearts and minds of our people.

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #1933]

Glynn Wolfe recently died alone in Los Angeles at the age of 88. No one came to claim his body; the city paid to have him buried in an unmarked grave. This is sad, but not unusual. It happens all too often in large cities where people tend to live disenfranchised lives.

Glynn's situation was unique, though, because he was no ordinary man. He held a world record. The Guinness Book listed him as the Most Married Man, with 29 marriages to his credit. This means 29 times he was asked, “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife...forsaking all others do you pledge yourself only to her, so long as you both shall live?” 29 times Glynn Wolf said, “I Do,” but it never quite worked out that way.

He died leaving behind children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, a number of living ex-wives, and innumerable ex-in-laws -- and still, he died alone. He spent his entire adult life looking for something he apparently never found -- and he died alone.

Glynn Wolf is an extreme example of how people spend their lives drifting in and out of marriages, in and out of relationships, only to find themselves isolated and alone. Even worse, there are others who spend their lives married to the same person and still end up feeling isolated and alone.

The fact is, if we look for ultimate fulfillment in marriage, or romance, or friendship, or family, we will never be satisfied. As important as these relationships are, they cannot take the place of the Ultimate Relationship for which we have been created.

Our primary purpose is to love God. When we allow secondary relationships to take God's rightful place in our lives, we become dissatisfied and frustrated. The result is, like Glynn Wolf, we end up isolated and alone.

When Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment of all, he responded by saying...

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30)

Part two of this commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Our success in loving others is dependent upon our willingness to love God above all else, with all that we have.

I admire my friends who are marathon runners. I don't want to be one of them, but I admire them. I actually did have a bit of a running program going when my kids were little. Every morning, I used to run around the block twenty times, until my son moved the block! Uh, now, while I've never run a marathon, I have watched some. And I've talked to my friends who have done the whole 26-mile distance. If you've ever watched or run a marathon, you've seen those volunteers that are stationed all along the way - the ones with orange slices and the water. As the miles become more and more grueling, the body can actually begin to shut down. Water is desperately needed to avoid dehydration; the potassium in those orange slices replenishes an important deficit in your body. It's questionable if many runners could make it if it weren't for those little refreshment stands.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “Walking, Talking Refreshment Stands.”

In a way, I guess all of us are marathon runners. I mean, just look at the course you have to run every day, then every week, then every month, and so on. And all of us reach those points where we feel like we can't go on, where vital systems seem to be shutting down. And that's where the refreshment folks are desperately needed. I hope the folks around you consider you one.

Every one of us needs people who will be our refreshers. Every one of us knows people who need for us to be their refresher. Here's a great example of one of those unsung heroes, as recorded in our word for today from the Word of God. In 2 Timothy 1:16-18, Paul is writing about this lonely season of his life, isolated in Caesar's prison, awaiting what will ultimately be his execution. Now this man who has helped so many run their race needs someone to help him finish his.

And along comes a man with a name that's a mouthful and a ministry that is wonderful. Paul says, “May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains. On the contrary, when he was in Rome, he searched hard for me until he found me. May the Lord grant that he will find mercy from the Lord on that day!” Onesiphorus - that name literally means “profit-bringer.” It's something all of us who can be. Someone who makes a person richer because they have been with you.

To be one of God's refreshment stands, you're there for someone when it's awkward and you don't know what to do or what to say ... you're there when it's hard ... when it's inconvenient ... when they're unloveable ... when you have to “search hard” to find a way to get to them. You go out of your way to bring some love and support to a person who needs it. You walk in when everyone else is walking out. Your ministry of refreshment can take many forms. Sometimes it's just a hug. Other times it's a compliment ... a word of encouragement ... a letter or email ... a visit ... noticing something good ... praying with them. It's usually just a matter of obeying, instead of squelching, the prompting of the Holy Spirit to go to someone He knows needs you. Learn to listen to those promptings from God.

God's promise to you is this: “He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” He will give back to you with the measure you give. So what effect are you having on the people around you? Are you making it harder for them to run their race? Or are you one of those holy heroes who is offering them the refreshing care they need? You may be the difference in someone running the distance!

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #4531]

"After all these years, I see that I was wrong about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her." -- Mark Twain

It was Christmas, 1968. I had just emigrated from England to Canada, and I didn't know a soul. As Christmas day approached, I felt homesick and lonely in a strange city. Being of the Jewish faith, my family never really celebrated Christmas, but mother always cooked the traditional kosher turkey. No tree or presents. We only listened to the Queen's message.

I had begun working in a Montreal law office. The young girl who sat next to me was 19, six years my junior, but seemed more my contemporary. A few days before Christmas, I became melancholy.

“What's wrong?” Cathie asked one snowy morning.

“I just feel down about being alone for Christmas.”

“Then spend it with my family,” she blurted out.

“Thanks. But you can't invite strangers over.”

“We always take in strays at Christmas.”

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I felt like a stray cat with no home.

“We're having our neighbour over too. Her husband just died, and we don't want her to be alone either,” Cathie went on.

So, on Christmas day, Cathie's father picked me up. My first real Christmas in the home of strangers. I was excited. The place looked like a winter wonderland - outside a snowman - inside a carefully decorated Christmas tree with loads of presents underneath, and even one with my name on it. I placed my gift with the others. An elderly lady was there. The other “stray,” I thought.

All in all, I spent three wonderful Christmas dinners with Cathie's family before I moved to Vancouver. I didn't even miss the Queen's message.

Cathie Watters, wherever you are now, I truly hope that this Christmas will be as memorable and wonderful as the ones you made for me.

____________

Angela Goodman Vancouver, BC

The Japanese have a new business: paying strangers to come to private homes, pretend they are the occupants' relatives, and exchange family gossip. According to an August Miami Herald dispatch from Tokyo, Kazushi Ookynitani's "convenience agency" supplies "friends" for weddings and funerals and even to sit in at college lectures (to keep a professor's spirits up). Recent wedding-party "friends" of one bride, who were paid about $500 each, were given detailed biographies of who they were to pretend to be, so as to mingle more interestingly with the bride's actual relatives.

The Rev. Arthur Gustafson will shuffle to the pulpit of his small church this morning, just like he does every Sunday. The pews will most likely be empty, just as they are on most Sundays.

Gustafson, the 78-year-old leader of the Emmanuel Evangelical Covenant Church since 1947, is a pastor without a congregation; a preacher with no one to preach to, a shepherd without a flock.

But still he preaches.

"If no one is here, God is here and he hears prayers," Gustafson said, looking across his empty church in this central Wisconsin community of 9,500 people. "I felt I heard the Lord say to stay so I stayed."

One by one, church members have drifted away, and the last member of his congregation left town about two years ago. Even his church building, owned by the Central Conference of the Evangelical Covenant Church in Chicago, is for sale.

"Sometimes, we have a number of visitors. A family from Pine River has been coming fairly regularly," Gustafson said, a smile covering his bearded face.

"When someone is here, I am encouraged," he added. "When they are not here, I just feel this is the way it is and this is the way I accept it. There's a lot to thank the Lord for."

Gustafson is the church's sole supporter, donating some of his Social Security check and an investment that earns $62 a month. The Park City Baptist congregation in Merrill helps with the bills by leasing Gustafson's church for services Sunday morning and evening.

The church was formed almost 100 years ago to meet the needs of Scandinavians settling in central Wisconsin. Since he's been pastor, the congregation seldom exceeded 30 people, he said. "It has always been a small struggling church."

These days, Gustafson, a frail, man of slight build, struggles with his health, too. "My hearing isn't so good. I wear a couple of hearing aids."

Every Sunday, Gustafson prints six church bulletins, listing the order of worship and a few announcements. His service is simple. He reads the Bible, gives a short sermon and sings. For hymns, he plays the melody on a piano with his right hand, faintly singing the words.

Paul Nulton, pastor of the Christ United Methodist Church in Merrill, believes Gustafson hasn't retired because his church and its rows of pews with cracking paint are like family. "If he quit preaching, he would die," Nulton said. "He doesn't have a family. He doesn't have any other reason to be Art Gustafson unless he is a preacher."

Other ministers understand Gustafson's devotion and realize that for him to get active in a thriving congregation would be difficult, Nulton said. "It would be kind of like a 78-year-old person joining a new family because his old family died off. It just doesn't work that way," Nulton said.

Gustafson became a minister after becoming disgruntled with his career as a Chicago banker more than four decades ago. He said he had problems because he believes lending on interest is a sin.

The Lord will tell him when to retire from the pulpit, he adds, saying church leaders have urged him to move into a retirement center in Chicago and continue his ministry there. "We will just have to wait and see. You know, it is interesting how we discover the Lord's will. I seem to hear the Lord say very definitely that I should stay. And that is the last word I seem to have."

Last Sunday, Gustafson prepared enough wine for 12 people to drink during communion, the church's celebration of Jesus Christ's last supper with his disciples.

No one showed.

"I always like to have plenty," he said, smiling.

*

Research suggests that forming social bonds is just as important to good health as regular exercise and a sensible diet. Social scientists at the University of North Carolina analyzed four studies involving more than 14,000 people ages 12 to 19, The Washington Post reports. The results indicate that the number and quality of a person’s social connections affect specific measures of health over the course of a lifetime.

Older adults who feel socially isolated are more than twice as likely to develop high blood pressure, making loneliness a more significant risk factor for the condition than diabetes.

Social ties are also crucial early on in life. Lonely teens, for example, are as likely to develop inflammation as young people who are sedentary, the study shows.

For all age groups, researchers theorize, social connections mitigate the harmful effects of daily stress. “Do have a good and healthy diet, and exercise,” advises study author Yang Claire Yang, “but also try to have a good social life.”

Even before I finished dialing, I somehow knew I'd made a mistake. The phone rang once, twice - then someone picked it up.

"You got the wrong number!" a husky male voice snapped before the line went dead. Mystified, I dialed again.

"I said you got the wrong number!" came the voice. Once more the phone clicked in my ear.

How could he possibly know I had a wrong number? At that time, I worked for the New York City Police Department. A cop is trained to be curious - and concerned. So I dialed a third time.

"Hey, c'mon," the man said. "Is this you again?"

"Yeah, it's me," I answered. "I was wondering how you knew I had the wrong number before I even said anything."

"You figure it out!" The phone slammed down.

I sat there awhile, the receiver hanging loosely in my fingers. I called the man back.

"Did you figure it out yet?" he asked.

"The only thing I can think of is...nobody ever calls you."

"You got it!" The phone went dead for the fourth time. Chuckling, I dialed the man back.

"What do you want now?" he asked.

"I thought I'd call ... just to say hello."

"Hello? Why?"

"Well, if nobody ever calls you, I thought maybe I should."

"Okay. Hello. Who is this?"

At last I had gotten through. Now he was curious. I told him who I was and asked who he was.

"My name's Adolf Meth. I'm 88 years old, and I haven't had this many wrong numbers in one day in 20 years!" We both laughed.

We talked for 10 minutes. Adolf had no family, no friends. Everyone he had been close to had died. Then we discovered we had something in common: he'd worked for the New York City Police Department for nearly 40 years. Telling me about his days there as an elevator operator, he seemed interesting, even friendly. I asked if I could call him again.

"Why would you wanta do that?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, maybe we could be phone friends. You know, like pen pals."

He hesitated. "I wouldn't mind...having a friend again." His voice sounded a little tentative.

I called Adolf the following afternoon and several days after that. Easy to talk with, he related his memories of World Wars I and II, the Hindenburg disaster and other historic events. He was fascinating. I gave him my home and office numbers so he could call me. He did - almost every day.

I was not just being kind to a lonely old man. Talking with Adolf was important to me, because I, too, had a big gap in my life. Raised in orphanages and foster homes, I never had a father. Gradually, Adolf took on a kind of fatherly importance to me. I talked about my job and college courses, which I attended at night.

Adolf warmed to the role of counselor. While discussing a disagreement I'd had with a supervisor, I told my new friend, "I think I ought to have it out with him."

"What's the rush?" Adolf cautioned. "Let things cool down. When you get as old as I am, you find out that time takes care of a lot. If things get worse, then you can talk to him."

There was a long silence. "You know," he said softly, "I'm talking to you just the way I'd talk to a boy of my own. I always wanted a family - and children. You're too young to know how that feels."

No, I wasn't. I'd always wanted a family - and a father. But I didn't say anything, afraid I wouldn't be able to hold back the hurt I'd felt for so long.

One evening Adolf mentioned his 89th birthday was coming up. After buying a piece of fiberboard, I designed a 2' x 5' greeting card with a cake and 89 candles on it. I asked all the cops in my office and even the police commissioner to sign it. I gathered nearly a hundred signatures. Adolf would get a kick out of this, I knew. We'd been talking on the phone for four months now, and I thought this would be a good time to meet face to face. So I decided to deliver the card by hand. I didn't tell Adolf I was coming; I just drove to his address one morning and parked the car up the street from his apartment house.

A postman was sorting mail in the hallway when I entered the building. He nodded as I checked the mailboxes for Adolf's name. There it was. Apartment 1H, some 20 feet from where I stood.

My heart pounded with excitement. Would we have the same chemistry in person that we had on the phone? I felt the first stab of doubt. Maybe he would reject me the way my father rejected me when he went out of my life. I tapped on Adolf's door. When there was no answer, I knocked harder.

The postman looked up from his sorting. "No one's there," he said.

"Yeah," I said, feeling a little foolish. "If he answers his door the way he answers his phone, this may take all day."

"You a relative or something?"

"No. Just a friend."

"I'm really sorry," he said quietly, "but Mr. Meth died day before yesterday."

Died? Adolf? For a moment, I couldn't answer. I stood there in shock and disbelief. Then, pulling myself together, I thanked the postman and stepped into the late-morning sun. I walked toward the car, misty-eyed.

Then, rounding a corner, I saw a church, and a line from the Old Testament leaped to mind: A friend loveth at all times. And especially in death, I realized. This brought a moment of recognition. Often it takes some sudden and sad turn of events to awaken us to the beauty of a special presence in our lives. Now, for the first time, I sensed how very close Adolf and I had become. It had been easy, and I knew this would make it even easier the next time, with my next close friend.

Slowly, I felt a warmth surging through me. I heard Adolf's growly voice shouting, "Wrong number!" Then I heard him asking why I wanted to call again.

"Because you mattered, Adolf," I said aloud to no one. "Because I was your friend."

I placed the unopened birthday card on the back seat of my car and got behind the wheel. Before starting the engine, I looked over my shoulder. "Adolf," I whispered, "I didn't get the wrong number at all. I got you."

______________________________

Jennings Michael Burch (c) 1966, from A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Hanoch McCarty and Meladee McCarty.

====================================

Version in Rev. Brett Blair, 2/16/03:

I Thought I'd Call

There is a story about a New York City policeman investigating a case. Even before he finished dialing, he somehow knew he’d made a mistake. The phone rang once, twice – then someone picked it up. “You’ve got the wrong number!” a husky male voice snapped before the line went dead. Mystified, the policeman dialed again. “I said you got the wrong number!” came the voice. Once more the phone clicked down. “How could he possibly know I had the wrong number?” the policeman asked himself.

A cop is trained to be curious – and concerned. So he dialed a third time. “Hey, c’mon,” the voice said. “Is this you again?” “Yea, it’s me. I was wondering how you knew I had the wrong number before I even said anything.” “You figure it out!” The phone slammed down.

He sat there for a while, the receiver hanging loosely in his fingers. He called the man back. “Did you figure it out yet?” the man asked. “The only thing I can think of is nobody ever calls you.” “You got it!” The phone went dead for the fourth time.

Chuckling, the officer dialed the man back. “What do you want now?” asked the man. “I thought I’d call – just to say hello.” “Hello? Why?” “Well, if nobody ever calls you, I thought maybe I should.”

____________

Dr. Gary Nicolosi, Sermon: “The Wideness of God’s Mercy”

*

My whole family and relatives live in Taiwan. They are either Buddhists or Daoists, so I was very curious about all the spiritual things when I was young. I was involved in lots of things including meditations, doing deep-breathing exercises (chi-kong), worshipping idols, etc. However, it doesn't matter how often or how hard I tried to worship Buddha or practice do chi-kong, I was still very lonely and hopeless.

After I graduated from college, I came to work in Silicon Valley by myself. At the first job, becuase of the politics within the company, I was misled and my managers broke promises with me. Therefore I was so hopeless and filled with hatred toward people.

At the end of December 1998, I cried out with deepest pain in my room. I cried, "Who can help me? Is there any God who can really help me? Is there a God?" All of a sudden, I felt great power surrounding and circling me. Compared to my past experiences in doing chi-kong, this power was awesome and beyond anything I have ever experienced before. I was not afraid of this power at all, but I was stunned at this supernatural power. I wanted to know its origin.

The following Sunday (12/20/98), I went to church by myself. I was late on purpose because I didn't want to introduce myself to anybody at the church. When I walked into the church, I took a seat that was closest to the door. So that I could leave anytime if I felt uncomfortable. However, Pastor James still "caught" me and welcomed me. As I introduced myself, I said that I came to church just because I was confused about the source of this new power I felt.

When we sang the last worship song, I was very touched and moved by the lyrics. We sang, "I will change your name, you shall no longer be called wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid. I will change your name, your new name shall be confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one, faithfulness, friend of God, one who seeks my Face." As I sang, all the lyrics seemed to jump vividly out from the screen up to my eyes. It’s just like someone was standing in front of me and singing this song to my heart. I had never received such encouragement and comfort in my life before, and I could not stop myself from crying. And then Pastor James had an altar call. He invited those who had any needs to come to the altar for prayer. I was hesitant and afraid at the moment. But suddenly, I heard a very gentle, kind and small voice in my heart, "Go ahead." As I heard this, I thought that I must be having some kinds of hearing problems. But the voice came up again, "Go ahead." After I heard it for the third time, I knew it was from God and I could not refuse His calling. Therefore, I went up to the altar and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord on that day.

Since I received Jesus and invited Him to dwell in my heart, I really love to pray. Everytime I pray, I know that He is with me. I can feel His sweet presence, comfort, and strength in me. Most important of all, I am at peace. I know that He has changed my heart and changed my name. I am no longer called wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid. I am called confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one.

*

Vincenzo Ricardo. If that name does not mean much to you, you are not alone. It does not seem to have meant much to anyone else except, perhaps, him who bore it. In fact it was not even his name. His real name was Vincenzo Riccardi, and nobody seemed to get it right after the sensational discovery of his mummified body in Southampton, New York. He had been dead for 13 months, but his television was still on, and his body was propped up in a chair in front of it.(1) The television was his only companion, and though it had much to tell him, it did not care whether he lived or died.

Riccardi’s story raises many unsettling questions. How can a human being vanish for over a year and not be missed by anyone? Where was his family? What about his relatives? Why was the power still on in his house? Whatever the answers are to these and other questions, one thing is clear: Riccardi was a lonely individual whose life can be summed up in one word, ALIENATION. You see, Riccardi was blind, so he never really WATCHED television; he needed this virtual reality to feed his need for real companionship. Moreover, his frequent “outbursts and paranoid behavior” may have played a role in driving people away from him.(2)

This is indeed a tragic and extreme tale, but it makes a powerful statement about how cold and lonely life can be for millions across the globe. Even those who seem to have all of their ducks in a row are not immune to the pangs of loneliness and alienation. Alienation affects us at three different levels. We are alienated from ourselves, from others, and most significantly, we are alienated from God. That is the reality in which we exist. The restoration process involves all three dimensions, but it begins with a proper relationship with God. We cannot get along with ourselves or with others until we are properly related to God. The good news of the gospel is that full restoration is available to all who want it.

This process is well illustrated in an encounter Jesus had with another deeply wounded man who lived in a cemetery. Relatives, and perhaps friends, had tried unsuccessfully to bind him with iron chains to keep him home. He preferred to live among the tombs (alienation from others), cutting himself with stones, his identity concealed in his new name, “Legion” (alienation from self). His mind and body were hopelessly enslaved by Satan’s agents, and his life was no longer his own (alienation from God). It took an encounter with Jesus for the man to be fully restored, “dressed and in his right mind” (Mark 5:15). Only then could he follow Jesus’s command to go back to his family and tell them what God had done for him.

The restoration process remains the same today. Until we are properly related to God, our true identity and potential will always elude us. No virtual reality or gadget can even begin to address the problem, for they only give back to us what we have put into them. They are like the message in a bottle, which a castaway on a remote island excitedly received, only to realize that it was a cry for help that he himself had sent out months before. As Augustine prayed, “You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.” We are finite creatures, created for a relationship with an Infinite Being, and no finite substitute can ever meet our deepest needs. Trying to meet our real needs without God is like trying to satisfy our thirst with salty water: the more we drink, the thirstier we become. This is a sure path to various sorts of addictions.

But when we are properly related to the True Shepherd who calls his sheep by name, loneliness is infused with great hope as we, with Abraham, look “forward to the city with foundations whose architect and builder is God” (Hebrews 11:10). We become members of God’s extended family. Day by day, we learn to trust God as we travel with others along a heavily trodden path that never disappoints. Friends and relatives may desert us, but we are never alone. We may grieve, but never like those without hope. We have peace and joy within, and even in our own hour of need, others can still find their way to God through us. The alternative is a crippling sense of isolation and alienation within a worldly system whose offerings, however sophisticated and well-intentioned, can never arouse us from spiritual death.

________

1. Erika Hayasaki, “He Died in Vast Isolation” LA TIMES, March 31, 2007.

2. IBID.

________

Copyright © 2007 Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). Reprinted with permission. "A Slice of Infinity" is a radio ministry of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries.

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #1990]

“I say then, has God cast away His people? Certainly not! For I also am an Israelite, of the seed of Abraham, [of] the tribe of Benjamin. God has not cast away His people whom He foreknew. Or do you not know what the Scripture says of Elijah, how he pleads with God against Israel, saying, ‘LORD, they have killed Your prophets and torn down Your altars, and I alone am left, and they seek my life’?” (Romans 11:1-3 NKJV)

God Has Not Cast Away His People

• hath…people? — Rom 9:6, Amos 9:8-9 — which some might infer from the prophecies just quoted

• forbid[Certainly not!] — for then I should exclude myself

• I…Benjamin — 2 Cor 11:22, Phil 3:5, 1 Tim 1:12 — yet not cast off; but one of God’s people by believing in Jesus

• cast away — Israel chosen as God’s people to be the foundation of Messiah’s kingdom; therefore cannot as a people be cast away (Tholuck)

• of…Elias? — 1 Kg 19:10, 18 — i.e., in the history of Elijah (Alford). “With regard to” (Luther, Erasmus, Calvin, Beza)

Mistakes concerning the number of the righteous — W. Jay

Sometimes we make them from –

I. The peculiar state of our own minds. This seems to have been the condition of Elijah. His language betrays –

1. Severity;

2. Petulancy;

3. Despair.

II. Observing multiplied instances of false profession. The apostasy of one pretender often excites more attention than the lives of solid and steady Christians.

III. The righteous themselves. Because of

1. The obscurity of their stations;

2. The diffidence of their dispositions;

3. The manner of their conversion;

4. The diversity of their opinions;

5. The imperfections of their character.

Application:

1. The use which the Apostle makes of his subject;

2. Are you among the number of the saved

3. Let all true Christians consider the Author and end of their salvation;

4. Remember also for whom you have been saved.

A Jewish appeal to Christians — A Jewish congregation, soliciting money of Christians to build them a synagogue, is a new thing. An American congregation makes this appeal: “The ‘Congregation Mischan Israel,’ of this city, propose to build an house unto the Lord their God; but being poor though Jews, they respectfully appeal to the liberality of Christians to aid them. No Christian can read the first five verses of the ninth chapter of Romans, without the feeling of kindness towards those ‘who are Israelites, to whom pertaineth the adoption, and the glory,’ and ‘of whom, as concerning the flesh, Christ came.’” On this Zion’s Herald (Methodist) says, “Let all believers in Christ read the eleventh of Romans, and help these heirs of the same promise, even in their shadowy state of faith. Such gifts will open their eyes, as Christ did their ancestors’.”

“God’s people are His jewels, not the rubbish or the off-scouring of the world, though the world esteems them so. A wise man will not cast away his jewels. They are his servants. All the willing service he hath done Christ in the world, excepting that of angels — is done by these men. A wise man will not cast away such as are truly serviceable to him.” — Caryl