The husband-wife relationship in Christian preaching highlights mutual love, respect, and submission as modeled by Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Illustrations often use everyday domestic scenes and marital dynamics to reveal biblical principles of care, sacrifice, and unity within marriage, emphasizing the sacredness and commitment inherent in this covenant (1 Peter 3:1-6).
Else Weise of Linz, Austria, told police her husband Helmut had cut off his head while shaving. Actually she did it with a machete. Had been married 31 years. She was large and muscular and hen-pecked the skinny guy. But police found the bloody machete. She was convicted but still insists he did it while shaving.
At my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, my Dad was reminiscing about their courtship and marriage. “We didn't have much money,” he told us, “and I had to decide whether to buy a new tire for the car or a marriage license.” After a pause he continued, “I think I made a good investment, because the tire wouldn't have lasted 50 years.”
*
[Original illustration at this number was deleted for being obsolete]
"The goal of our life should not be to find joy in marriage, but to bring more love and truth into the world. We marry to assist each other in this task. The most selfish and hateful life of all is that of two beings who unite in order to enjoy life. The highest calling is that of the man who has dedicated his life to serving God and doing good, and who unites with a woman in order to further that purpose."
-- Leo Tolstoy, in a letter to his son
Patricia Hager, an angry housewife in Osnabruck, West Germany, marinated her bound and gagged husband Albert in garlic sauce for six hours while threatening to cook him alive after she caught him with another woman. The bathtub was filled with salad oil (ten gallons) and garlic cloves (two pounds). Her barbecue had a raging fire going in it.
Marriage of Roberta and John Hestenes. Whole family is Christian. John has quit his job to follow her. Not a miracle marriage - different personalities, hard to communicate, conflict at two points in marriage. Counseling was helpful. Roberta's family is part of the newness God began at her conversion, and explains why she has little use for an "organizational-chart" view of marriage. "Every marriage has its own uniqueness," she says. "You don't live in the marriage by rules or by law. You live under grace and freedom."
#692
*
In the Greek world, wives were respected but totally isolated.
1) Famous philosopher Demosthenes laid down this rule:
"We have ladies of the evening for pleasure,
we have mistresses for daily co-habitation;
we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately
and of having a faithful guardian for our household."
2) Philosopher Socrates shows how companionship was not valued:
"Is there anyone to whom you entrust more serious matters
than to your wife -
And is there anyone to whom you talk less?"
Among Jews, wives fared a little better.
1) But they still had a low view of marriage.
2) Man's prayer: "Thank you that you have not made me a Gentile,
a slave, or a woman."
3) In Jewish law, women were not persons, but things;
they were absolutely their husbands' possession. [1745]
*
Families are not designed to stand alone, but should be enmeshed in strong webs of supportive relationships. The church should provide these.
What churches can do to help families:
1. Instruction on healthy relationships.
2. Instruction on child rearing.
3. Breaking down age segregation.
4. Interaction with other parents.
5. Weekly family night-at-home.
6. Retreats or festivals for families.
7. Matching children with adults.
8. Ministering in family groups.
9. Counseling family units.
Gives homey view on Bible's advice for marriage. Phil Donahue had 3 Christian couples on who believed in submission and they were ridiculed. But the Bible's instruction is true.
#1084
*
If you went to the bank and withdrew a $10,000 bill, you would esteem that bill as something valuable, wouldn't you? You wouldn't let it get lost or torn. That is how we are to treat our wives - with the care and consideration we'd give a $10,000 bill.
A customer brought a fancy greeting card to the counter and reached for his wallet. The clerk rang up the card and announced, "That will be five dollars, please."
"Five dollars?" the man bellowed. "Forget it!" He jammed his wallet back into his pocket and left the store. The clerk picked up the card and returned it to the rack. It said, "To My Wife, Because You Mean So Much."
#1085 *
I know it is not natural for most men to say, "I love you," to their wives. Researchers have found that from the earliest years, little girls talk more than little boys. After wiring a playground for sound, researchers found that 100 percent of the sounds from little girls' mouths were audible, recognizable words, but the boys didn't talk as much and, when they did, only 68 percent of the little boys' sounds were words. The remaining 32 percent were sounds like "uh," "Zooooom!" and "Yaaaaaah." No wonder we men find it hard to tell our wives the things they need to hear. That's also why Paul reminded women to be quiet!
#1086
*
Hints for a heavenly household:
1. Authority
2. Appreciation
3. Adaptability
4. Acceptance
5. Availability
6. Affection
7. Attitude
#1225
*
"We're so different! I'm not sure I want to stay married to you. And if I had a choice, I doubt that I would choose you again!"
As a marriage therapist I often hear such complaints. These particular declarations were flung with pain, anger, and even despair. This time, however, my heart was pounding. Panic began to rise within me. The person I was listening to was not a client, but my wife.
1. The Goal of Intimacy
2. Myths of Intimacy
a. Myth #1: Acceptance is easy
Reality: Initial "acceptance involves accepting the image a person
presents.
Truth: Acceptance is a process.
b. Myth #2: Intimacy means being just alike.
Reality: In trying not to be different, we lost boundaries that helped
to define us as different people. My wife and I sought a
closeness that was actually enmeshment.
Truth: Two different individuals can become one.
c. Myth #3: We can make each other happy.
Reality: Joyfully doing my duty to make my wife happy lasted about as
long as the honeymoon.
Truth: We need to serve each other.
d. Myth #4: If I do my duty, God will change you.
Reality: If I am committed to my marriage and do my homework, my wife
may change for the better. But there is no guarantee.
Truth: My commitment is to God and His process.
3. Healthy Intimacy
First, in spiritual warfare, our struggle is no longer with each other
but with spiritual powers (Eph 6:12).
Second, we understand that our Lord Jesus is the only Source of intimacy.
Intimacy is a key to a good marriage.
1. Intimacy in the Bible
The Bible, of course, does not use the term intimacy. Instead, it speaks of oneness in marriage, a oneness that has been designed to meet our need for companionship and completion and to relieve the loneliness that is part of being human.
First, the husband-wife relationship is designed to reflect God’s image. The New Testament reveals something even more mysterious: God has chosen the one-flesh union of husband and wife to picture the intimate closeness and permanent love relationship of the Lord Jesus Christ and His people.
The principles are these: Leave all else; cleave unto each other; become one flesh. And the result: You can be naked and unashamed before one another.
2. The Leaving Principle
I discovered this as a young wife even before I trusted in Jesus Christ. I had just won a national public relations award and my career was moving ahead at an accelerated pace when my husband, Dan, was offered a promotion. The price tag: a move to a northern city.
Everything within me said NO! until I opened a Bible one night. Turning the pages in frustration and perplexity I came across the Genesis account of Abram and Sarai’s departure for parts unknown. As I read their story, God broke through my self-centered preoccupation to show me that marriage means leaving- -in my case, leaving personal ambitions and private goals in order to find the new life my husband and I were meant to build together.
3. The Cleaving Principle
Space, in a good marriage, signifies times when we need to be alone for a while. The danger comes when we stretch beyond that initial need into an emotional distance that finally becomes impassable. As a divorced person observed, “Once you start moving away, it’s hard to reverse directions.”
For example, as I worked with a group of young wives on an army base, it became clear that when the women spoke of their “space”, they did not mean time for themselves; they meant distance from the normal obligations of marriage. As the leader told us, “These girls -- and their husbands too -- equate “space” with wanting their own way and doing their own thing. The attitude that comes across is, “I’ve married you. Now don’t bother me!”
Though I couldn't remember its name, I asked my wife to pass me a tool I needed for some repairs I was doing. She asked me which tool I wanted. Frustrated that I still couldn't remember, I finally said, “Oh, just read my mind!”
“I am,” she replied with a smile, “but I'm drawing a blank.”
________
Submitted by Lorraine
*
[Original illustration at this number was deleted for being obsolete]
THE RULES between men and women:
The FEMALE always makes THE RULES.
THE RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No MALE can possibly know all THE RULES.
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all THE RULES, she must immediately
change some or all of THE RULES.
The FEMALE is never wrong.
If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct
result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the
FEMALE.
The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The MALE must remain calm at all times unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry
or upset.
The MALE is expected to read minds at all times.
Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
The FEMALE is ready when she is ready. The MALE must be ready at all times.
#1358
*
Sermon in Ephesians series. "Husbands, Love!" Ephesians 5:25-33
I. Husbands, love wives. 5:25
A. How many wives had their husbands say "I love you!" this morning?
B. We usually see this the other way around.
C. As a command, love is something husbands should do more than feel.
II. Love as Jesus loves. 5:25
A. Give self up.
B. Make her holy. 5:26
C. Cleansing her with water.
III. Love wife as own body. 5:28
A. Selfish motive?
B. Loving your wife is a way of loving yourself.
C. Feed and care for her. 5:29
D. Ancient principle - one flesh. 5:31 (Genesis 2:24)
IV. God wants husbands who love as He loves.
A. Sometimes it is not easy-Hosea and Gomer.
B. Will you be a faithful, loving husband? [1755]
*
The June 1990 issue of “Good Housekeeping” article called “Faithful Attraction” by Andrew Greeley (pp. 132-137) gives researched data that offers encouragement to faithfulness in marriage.
Unfaithfulness is no longer “chic.” 90% of respondents said they had had only one sexual partner for the duration of their present marriage. 60% described their marriage as “very happy” and 80% said they would marry the same person again.
10% of the marriages had some serious problems and 25% said it was not working as they would prefer. 77% said their spouse is kind and gentle; 76% said spouse is physically attractive; 64% said their spouse makes them feel important. These outlooks make marriage an enriching experience as God designed it to be.
Higher income (over $25,000) were more likely to be very happy, as does higher education. “Religion is by far the most powerful correlate of marriage attitudes and behavior yet discussed – and prayer is a more powerful predictor of marital satisfaction than frequency of sexual intercourse.”
32% of American spouses pray together often, and 75% who do so report their marriage is very happy (as opposed to 57% who don’t pray as often). Both regular church attendance and frequent religious retreats also relate positively to marital satisfaction. 76% of those who go to retreats (vs. 60% who do not) say they are very happy in their marriage. 70% of those who attend church regularly (as compared to 57% who don’t) are very happy.
The fact that prayer, church attendance, and an interest in the Lord’s work are a key for a happy home are not just preacher talk. They are solid facts that must not be ignored by any husband, wife, or young person.
Another observation of interest was that religiously mixed homes were less likely to say they were happily married by 7 percentage points. Such marriages showed more strain and conflicts over children, hurting the effectiveness of the relationship.
1,400 years ago the great Christian preacher named Chrysostom (golden mouth) made this comment on Ephesians 5:25-33:
“Have you seen the measure of obedience? Hear also the message of love. Do you want your wife to obey you as the Church does Christ? Then care for her as Christ does the Church. And if it becomes necessary that you should give your life for her, or to be cut to pieces a thousand times, or endure anything whatever, don't refuse it... Christ brought the Church to his feet by his great care, not by threats or fear or anything else; so should you conduct yourselves toward your wife.”
Clint Eastwood made a movie called "Heartbreak Ridge" ... There is a side story in that movie where Eastwood - the 24-year-veteran Marine gunnery sergeant, Congressional Medal of Honor winner - has lost his wife, who doesn't want anything to do with him. This big macho man is quite pathetic. He doesn't know what to do, so he starts buying women's magazines. You have a remarkable picture of Clint Eastwood reading women's magazines to find out what on earth his wife really wants. The tragedy is that it's perfectly obvious to everybody else, but not to Clint."
A few years ago there was a television miniseries about Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. Since they lived in the White House for 12 years I wouldn't call them a typical American family. But they still had some things in common with the rest of us. The scene I remember has the two of them sitting at the breakfast table. Franklin has a cup of coffee in one hand, while the other held the morning paper, which he was immersed in.
Eleanor proceeded to chat with him -
“Franklin, did you know the Smiths have built a new home in Arlington?” Without moving a twitch he responded,
“Nuh huh.” [no]
“Well, isn't that marvelous? Now they'll be so much closer.”
“Uh huh.”
“Some other news I heard is that Sarah Jones is marrying a British diplomat.”
“Oh really...”
At this point Mrs. Roosevelt was obviously perturbed, because her husband was obviously oblivious. So she added one more bit of news.
“Aunt Gertrude is very upset. She lost her head two days ago and hasn't been able to find it.”
“Uh huh.”
“FRANKLIN!! Put down that newspaper this instant! You haven't listened to a word I've said.”
Without lifting his nose out of the paper, he replies: “On the contrary, Babs. The Smiths have moved to Arlington, Sarah Jones is not the wife of a British diplomat, and Aunt Gertrude misplaced her head two days ago. Knowing her, it's not much of an inconvenience. A refill, please.”
WIVES, does that sound like your husband? (except for the final comment)
HUSBANDS, don't you wish you could come back like that?
#2306
*
Claude Lewis, social commentator, writes:
No matter how long I live, I’ll never be able to understand what makes certain folks tick. Some criminals are awfully fortunate in the forgiveness shown them by relatives, judges and politicians.
Case Number 1: “Nobody’s perfect.”
“People make mistakes,” said a step-daughter in defense of her mother’s husband, Mark Benson, now serving 80 years in jail for the first-degree murder conviction of his first family in Boise, Idaho. His crime was discovered years after he married wife number two.
The murderer spoke with his slain wife’s family for the first time on the “Sally Jessy Raphael” TV show last week [late February 1993]. He attributed the killings to his dependency on drugs and alcohol and to his general poor health.
After he had remarried and been with his second wife for more than a decade, Benson confessed to murdering his first wife, Barbara, and his two sons, ages 8 and 15, with a hatchet and hiding their bodies in a rented storage shed. Investigators were unable to find a trace of the missing family until their remains were accidentally discovered and Benson confessed.
For nine years, Benson’s second wife dutifully paid the storage fees on the shed, thou she was unaware of its grisly contents. “I just got tired of paying the fees, so I stopped paying them,” said the second Mrs. Benson. And despite learning of her husband’s crime, she said her mate was “one of the finest husbands anybody every had.” And she still loves him.
Asked by a member of the television audience if she had any regrets, Mrs. Benson said her biggest regret was that she had stopped paying the storage fees on the shed without telling her husband. To that, Sally’s typically shockproof audience heaved a collective gasp.
Review of book on traditional gender roles. Critiqued for being too
positive about patriarchalism.
I. There is a biblical basis for traditional patriarchy.
A. Husband is supposed to be the ruler and provider-protector.
B. Wife is organizer and maintainer of household.
II. Men and women differ significantly in emotional, intellectual,
and social responses.
A. Subordination principle in Bible cannot be denied.
B. Feminism is a danger to the family.
III. Drawbacks.
A. Patriarchalism can be an obstacle to the spiritual unity of a
family as well as to Christian unity.
B. Patriarchalism has affinities to fascism.
C. Patriarchal imagery is used in the Bible, but is radically
transformed in Jesus Christ.
1) Principle of headship is reinterpreted in NT as servanthood.
2) Subordination is now seen as loving support rather than
servile submission.
3) Subordination in Biblical sense doesn't denote inferiority.
4) Christ's love for his church is the new paradigm of the
man-woman relationship within marriage.
Women are different, but many gender roles are not from Bible.
I. Equal but different.
A. Hard for us to think in these terms.
B. Differences lie deeper than our social conditioning.
1) Only women can give birth.
C. The Bible speaks of women as nurturing, but also with careers.
1) Lydia, Priscilla, Prov 31 woman.
2) Jesus did not define a woman's place as in the kitchen.
D. Feminist: "Someone who believes women are human." (Alan Alda)
II. "Woman in the home" is a modern adaptation.
A. Years ago, whole family worked out of the home.
#2511
B. Past assessments have often been warped. [this issue?]
1) In 1830's, higher education was seen as a threat.
2) In 1920's, voting was seen as dangerous.
"The new woman has cast the church aside, because it
teaches subordination of the wife to the husband.
The church also encourages domestic duties from which
the 'taste' of the new woman revolts.
The new woman hates children, and is madly exerting her
ingenuity in frustrating the intent of marriage."
LUTHERAN WITNESS, 1898
3) Current standards are often read into Bible.
Gender roles are ambiguous in Bible, and may be for a good reason.
I. Ambiguity over gender roles may be God-inspired.
A. Both sexes are in the image of God. Gen 1:26-28
B. Side-by-side complementarity is God's intended plan. Gen 2:18-25
C. In Christ, the curse is substantially reversed.
1) Formerly politics of rule and revolt in the home. Gen 3:16
2) Now grace of mutual submission. Eph 5:21-33
D. Full equality in Christ. Gal 3:28
E. Joint heirs of spiritual gifts and co-leaders. 1 Cor 12:1-31;
Rom 12:3-8; Eph 4:11-16; Acts 2:17-18
II. Observations:
A. Great physical differences, incorporated in norms of societies.
B. Male priority is found in creation, not culture. 1 Cor 11:8;
1 Tim 2:13
C. Sexual distinctions must be made in ministry. 1 Cor 11:2-16;
1 Cor 14:34-36; 1 Tim 2:11-15
D. Husband is head of wife, as Christ is head of church. Eph 5:21-33
E. Much feminine imagery of God, but God is not to be called
Mother. God is our Father. Ps. 22:9; 36:8; 123:2
III. Two genders, one image.
A. Gender is a paradox that can only be understood from God's height.
1) Rational stance is inadequate.
B. Creation in God's image is a social metaphor.
1) Cleaving is evocative of life in God.
2) "Sex" means to cut or divide; to be one, we need each other.
3) Sexuality is meant to turn us Godward.
C. Culture reduces sexuality to a physical act.
1) Conservatives reduce sexual identities to roles and
hierarchies that require no faith.
2) Liberals dissolve the mystery into egalitarian togetherness
with no differences except for the genitals.
IV. Two into one.
A. The Trinity is a social being.
B. To Orthodox Christians, spirituality is the participation in the
mutual love, order and interdependence of the Trinity.
1) Becoming a Christian is to be taken by the Spirit into the
actual relationship Jesus has with the Father.
V. Becoming what we worship.
A. Full emancipation of the sexes requires a spiritual solution.
B. Confusion of the sexes.
1) Welcome liberation.
2) Refuse to undermine sexual distinctives. Resist unisexing.
VI. Shared ministry and marriage.
A. Both sexes are needed in church leadership.
B. One NT reference to decision-making in marriage, and it stresses
mutuality. 1 Cor 7:5
C. Scripture is silent on marriage roles.
VII. Male headship.
A. Headship is PRIORITY within a relationship of equals.
1) Not heirarchial, but sacrificial.
B. Submission is not intrinsically bad; neither is headship.
C. Bow and string: sexuality requires both sexes.
Series of articles on feminism and the Bible.
I. The church should be open to women.
II. Key passages are succinctly dealt with:
A. Gal 3:28. Equality.
B. 1 Cor 11. Women can publicly pray.
C. Acts 18:26. Women can teach men.
D. 1 Cor 14. Women can take part in worship.
E. 1 Tim 2:11-12. Silence should not be universalized.
III. The role of women in the home is more difficult to determine.
A. A parallel is drawn between Christ and husbands.
Related Articles in issue:
**************************
The Ordination of Women. (Pro and Con) p. 12.
The "Head" in the NT. p. 20.
Headship in marriage. p. 23.
Dealing with unequally yoked marriages. p. 28.
How families communicate:
The magic test is phrase: “Take out the trash.”
Whenever I hear my beloved wife say that, I immediately drop everything and rush right down to do it -- because as your pastor I must set an example.
Some of you have reacted skeptically. So I’ll be honest. In truth, if I were to do everything my wife asked, right away, she’s have a heart attack then and there. Once she called out “Dinner’s ready” and I came down immediately, only to wait 20 minutes for the food. Dads know what moms REALLY mean.
One morning as a woman woke up and saw her husband getting ready to leave for work she said, with a big smile on her face, "Honey, I’ll bet you do not know what day this is." Her husband had a hard time remembering birthdays and anniversaries, but since he was about to leave for work he excused himself from the embarrassing situation by walking out of the door while saying, "Honey, how could I ever forget. This is the best day of our lives."
All during the day he kept trying to remember what month and what day his wife’s birthday was, and when their anniversary was, but he could not remember. The day wore on and it was getting close to time to get off from work and he knew he was going to have to go home and face his wife not knowing what made this day so special. He finally thought of a plan to save his hide. He rushed into the house and said, "Honey, get your best dress on. We are going to paint the town red to celebrate this outstanding day in our lives!"
While she was getting ready he rushed down to the florist and bought her a lovely bouquet of flowers. He took her to the most expensive restaurant in town. He had spent $150.00 to celebrate this day and he did not even know what he was celebrating.
It was on the way home that he finally discovered what day it was. His wife snuggled real close to him, placed her arm around his shoulder, planted a soft kiss on his cheek and said, "Honey, this is the best Ground Hog Day we have ever enjoyed together."
Are you honoring your wife with your time?
At a Promise Keepers' rally last summer the preacher gave the men a test. The true value of a man's life, he said, can be seen in his wife's face. One man in the audience winced when he heard that. His name was Bill McCartney, and he is the founder of Promise Keepers.
During a later rally he stood before thousands of men and made a confession. "My wife was in so much pain. I became convicted that I was not doing everything I could to bring my wife to splendor in Jesus Christ." "Once I faced that, the issue became: Is continuing in coaching the best way to do that? For 32 years we had chased Bill McCartney's dreams, not Lyndi's dreams. She was married to a man who was so focused, so driven, so possessed. ... It was like God opened my eyes."
Adding insult to injury, one of football's fiercest competitors had added another obsession to his life -- Promise Keepers. This nondenominational movement for men had grown from 4,200 in 1991 to 700,000 in 1995. 1996 will have three times as many rallies.
Just what McCartney's family needed: a showdown with God and the gridiron. Lyndi McCartney described one moment: "I told him I needed to be on his calendar, so he began penciling me in. But then I got erased a couple of times. So I went back and told him I wanted to be written in ink -- `It's ink or nothing,' I said."
The coach listened, concluding that he had been sinfully selfish -- a taker, not a giver. As the 1994 regular season ended, he took advantage of a exit clause in his 15-year contract and quit.
-------------------------------
Internet version:
Bill McCartney answers his own Promise Keepers altar call.
As the Promise Keepers band soared into the anthem "Godly Men," Bill McCartney stood and lifted his hands high in praise to God.
"Lord help us turn from sin and begin again, as godly men," sang the former University of Colorado football coach, along with 52,000 men who last weekend filled RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C. "Though we know we sometimes stumble, may the promise that we keep, be to honor you with all our hearts and to worship at your feet."
Spotting the coach perched near the press box, many men rose, raised their hands and sang with new vigor. The warm-ups were over and another two-day Promise Keepers marathon had begun. It would be 12 more hours of preaching, cheering, singing and praying before McCartney took to the pulpit to urge them to repent, be faithful to their wives, serve their families, support their brothers and stop worshiping their careers.
But this sermon had a twist. Five years after his first vision of men packing stadiums, McCartney explained how this message finally cut into his heart and left him in the poignant position of needing to heed his own altar call.
The true value of a man's life, he said, can be seen in his wife's face. Last year, this test left McCartney shattered.
"She was in so much pain. ... I became convicted that I was not doing everything I could to bring my wife to splendor in Jesus Christ," he explained during a break in the rally, using one of his typically scripture- soaked metaphors. "Once I faced that the issue became: Is continuing in coaching the best way to do that? ... For 32 years we had chased Bill McCartney's dreams, not Lyndi's dreams. She was married to a man who was so focused, so driven, so possessed. ... It was like God opened my eyes."
Adding insult to injury, one of football's fiercest competitors had added another obsession to his life -- Promise Keepers. This nondenominational movement for men had grown from 4,200 in 1991 to 278,000 in seven 1994 gatherings. Participation doubled every six months during four often chaotic years. The group expects to draw 700,000 to 13 rallies this summer and its leaders are studying 36 possible sites for 1996.
Just what McCartney's family needed: a showdown with God and the gridiron.
Lyndi McCartney rarely speaks to the media. But in a newly revised edition of her husband's autobiography, "From Ashes To Glory," she describes one tense moment: "I told him I needed to be on his calendar, so he began penciling me in. But then I got erased a couple of times. So I went back and told him I wanted to be written in ink -- `It's ink or nothing,' I said."
The coach listened, concluding that he had been sinfully selfish -- a taker, not a giver. As the 1994 regular season ended, he took advantage of a exit clause in his 15-year contract. His last University of Colorado ties end June 30 and, on July 1, he joins the Promise Keepers staff, with the title of "founder."
History is full of fierce, focused and even fanatical religious leaders who light spiritual fires and then fall in flames -- often taking their movements with them. McCartney is trying to back away from the abyss, settling into a life of private prayer and public speaking. The general will try to go on retreat.
"Everyone in (Promise Keepers) is so busy. ... The numbers are expanding so rapidly. Everyone is caught up in a beehive of activity. Somebody has to stop and be quiet before the Lord," he said. "Right now, I'm not worried about whether I'm going to build a building or a movement or anything else. All I can see is what a vile heart I have and how far away from God's will I have been. All I am, right now, is one man who is broken- hearted before God."
______________________
Terry Mattingly teaches communications at Milligan College in Tennessee. He writes this weekly column for the Scripps Howard News Service.
Sermon in Family series. Promoting intimacy. Romans 12:10-12
==============
FAMILY SECRETS
==============
I. Your family life can be satisfying.
II. Words of affirmation that build up the other person.
A. Positive feedback and compliments. Eph 4:26
B. "If you affirm something, you'll get it."
III. Gifts, showing that you think of them.
A. They are concrete expressions of love.
B. Small gifts count as much as big ones.
IV. Acts of service.
A. Concept of service is at heart of Christian love.
B. We can fall back into love by serving our spouse.
V. Spending quality time.
A. Make appointments for your family.
B. Where we spend our time shows our real priorities.
VI. Physical touch.
A. The power of affection.
B. Be committed to fidelity. Prov 6:20-25
VII. Our family can be sources of strength and contentment.
Paying too much attention to a spouse's back pain can make it worse, according to a study presented by German psychologists.
A better strategy is to distract the pain patient with other activities, the study suggests.
Researchers at the University of Heidelberg applied painful electric stimulation to the backs of 20 people with chronic back pain and measured their brain activity in response. Half the patients were married to solicitous spouses, who generally responded to their chronic pain by giving massages, fetching medicine, waiting on them and doing other such things.
The other patients had spouses who tended to play down the chronic pain, sometimes leaving the room or distracting the person with other activities.
For patients with solicitous spouses, the mere presence of that spouse in the room increased the brain activity in response to the painful stimulation. These patients were also more likely to moan or make other expressions of pain. "It's as if the spouse has become a stimulating cue for the pain," Flor said.
In contrast, no effect on brain activity appeared in the other patients when their spouses were in the room.
For a spouse, playing down pain appears the better course of action, Flor said.
"A spouse can be overly supportive almost to the point where they're enabling the pain," said Dr. Eugene Melvin, an Orlando pain specialist. "Just a little bit of pain on the patient's part can cause a severe overreaction to the point where they don't let the patient do anything for themselves."
Also Sunday, researchers Haverford College in Pennsylvania reported finding that untreated pain at birth may lead to lowered sensitivity to pain later in life.
In the study, Wendy Sternberg and her colleagues performed abdominal surgery on 40 mice the day they were born. Half of the mice received morphine and half received only salt water solution.
For a control, the researchers also treated mice that did not have surgery with either morphine or the salt water.
When the animals reached adulthood, they were then given a series of tests that measured their responses to pain.
"We found an overall lowering of pain sensitivity among those subjects who had surgery with no pain treatment compared to those that underwent surgery and received morphine and compared to those who did not undergo surgery," Sternberg said.
She said the research may eventually help scientists determine why adults have very different perceptions of pain.
*
[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #6327]
Praying with your spouse can strengthen your marriage.
The benefits of prayer:
1. Prayer gives a couple confidence they are not alone in life's journey.
2. God takes a couple's prayer seriously.
3. Prayer together brings insight into our spouses' lives.
4. Prayer together with our spouses brings intimacy.
Getting started:
1. Schedule time and a place to pray.
2. Have realistic expectations.
3. Be creative and diverse.
4. Be sensitive to your mate and to the Holy Spirit.
God made people different, and for a good reason. Even those traits we consider handicaps are often a necessary part of a larger design.
This principle is well demonstrated in the marriage of Martin and Katie Luther. All through his life, Luther was plagued by morbid introspection and depression. His wife, Katie, was a runaway nun who became his lighthearted encourager, always looking for a way to lift his spirits. At one point, after Luther had shut himself up in his study for three days, she hired someone to remove the door. When he saw Katie standing in the door-less passageway, he asked, rather innocently, “Why did you do that? I wasn’t doing any harm.”
Luther’s melancholy could have been a source of real marital tension. Yet this trait, while sometimes difficult to live with, was an integral part of the very makeup that made Luther a sensitive, thorough student of the Bible. His books and teachings provided the seminal undergirding of the Reformation. Katie seemed to realize, early on, that Luther’s weakness was actually the flip side of this man’s greatest strength. And in the real world, it’s rarely possible to have one without the other.
Sermon in 1 Peter series. Submission of wives. 1 Peter 3:1-6
==================
A QUIET REVOLUTION
==================
I. An embarrassing topic?
II. The position of the Bible.
III. Submit!
A. Submission is something every Christian (and Jesus) does.
B. Every team needs a captain.
IV. Evangelism begins at home.
V. What makes a woman beautiful.
A. Society has strong views on beauty.
B. Beauty is inward, not outward.
VI. A sterling example.
Six years ago Bill and Amy Chastain were watching their now 13-year marriage disintegrate around them. Today, they are hoping to teach other couples to learn from their mistakes.
"God radically renewed and changed our relationship and our lives," Bill Chastain said while leading the seminar, Breaking through Barriers to Intimacy.
"Satan's great lie is that intimacy only means having a sexual relationship with someone," he told couples who packed a Ridgecrest classroom. "Society, the media and the world tell us that."
But God has a different idea, he added.
"He tells us that intimacy is the deepening relationship with someone, of gaining a better understanding of who they are and who he is. Intimacy is the process of moving deeper into a relationship."
While the Chastains may have looked as though they had the perfect marriage, Amy Chastain said the couple was living a lie.
"We looked really good. We pretended well, even in front of our parents, our friends and our church," she said.
But the couple was too busy putting up barriers and walls around their emotions to share the intimacy that makes a marriage work, she said.
It all finally came to a head after the realization they may have fallen out of love. It was "the lowest point of my life," Bill said. "We didn't want to live the lie anymore. So we made a conscious decision to make it work."
Bill and Amy said they struggled with the reality that it's "OK not to be perfect. It's OK to hurt."
"If our inside scars were visible on the outside, people would rush to help us," Bill said. "But they don't see the scars and we don't tell them, so we suffer by ourselves."
Some barriers to intimacy the Chastains mentioned during their seminar include:
• Control.
• Inability to express personal needs.
• Anger.
• Shifting the blame or responsibility.
• Living in the past.
• Fear of being intimate out of fear of being rejected.
• Selfishness.
• Betrayal of a confidence.
• Avoidance by using distractions such as TV, sports, etc.
• Putting on masks as if everything is all right when it's not.
• Fear of honesty.
• Shame and guilt.
• Pride.
The Chastains suggested ways couples can begin breaking down barriers in their marriages. They include:
• Prayer. "Cry out to God and ask him for wisdom," Amy said.
• Ask the tough questions of yourself and others, such as "What do you
really see in me?" and "How can I please God in my life?"
• Communicate honestly with one another and others. "The only way for
people to see into you is if you tell them what's going on," Bill
said. "They're not mind readers, and even if they want to help you,
they can't unless you let them."
Amy said couples should look at the word intimacy as instruction.
"Perhaps we should see it as 'into me see,'" she said.
*
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck!"
Bob was in his usual place in the morning - sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Marlene with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
Marlene replied, "Why thank you, dear!"
[Source Unknown]
Source/Attribution: Sermon-Illustrations-Each-Week 2000
*
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000!!
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doilie." The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving? He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the rest of the doilies."
*
[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #13206]
George Bernard Shaw was visiting with a reporter, and his wife was there. As they talked back and forth, the reporter noticed that Shaw's wife was busily knitting. Finally he turned to her and said, "You seem very absorbed in your knitting. Is that a strong interest?" "Not really," she said. "You see, I've heard these stories of Bernard's for years. And if I didn't do something with my hands, I'd strangle him."
Once while lecturing in Utah, Mark Twain got into an argument with a Mormon on the subject of polygamy.
"Can you find a single passage of Scripture that forbids polygamy?" asked the Mormon.
"Certainly," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."
________
Robert G. Lee, SERMONIC LIBRARY, p. 91.
When all else fails, love opens doors.
Shortly after her marriage to Prince Albert, Queen Victoria had a quarrel with her new husband. Albert walked out of the room and locked himself in his private apartment. Victoria hammered furiously on the door. "Who's there?" called Albert.
"The Queen of England, and she demands to be admitted." There was no response, and the door remained locked. Victoria hammered again.
"Who's there?" The reply was the same, and still the door remained shut. More fruitless and furious knocking was followed by a pause. Then there was a gentle tap.
"Who's there?" Albert asked.
"Your wife, Albert," the Queen replied. The prince opened the door at once!
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week."
Where upon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."
Your goal should be to become a gentle, loving, and tender husband who does not lecture. Lectures during stressful times only create more stress. This was a new concept to me because I wasn't fortunate enough to have a father who knew how to be tender to his wife. I wasn't aware of my wife's needs for tenderness until a few years ago. No one had ever told me that one of a woman's greatest needs is tenderness and a husband who will listen instead of lecture, and even if someone had, I don't think I would have understood. (I should have been able to figure it out, though, because when I am down, I like people to be gentle and comforting to me.)
I'll never forget what one woman told me: “If my husband would only put his arms around me and hold me, without lecturing me, when I am feeling blue!” But lecture #734 would begin as he told her she would feel better if she took an aspirin...if she were more organized...if she wouldn't wear her self down so much...if she would discipline the children better....
“Have you ever told him what you need?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? I'd be embarrassed,” she laughed. “Come on, you're kidding.”
“No. He probably doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know you need to be held instead of lectured. Why don't you tell him during a calm conversation some day?”
“That does kind of make sense to me. A lot of times when I am down and crying and all upset, he'll ask, 'What do you want me to do?’ I just flare up and say, 'If I have to tell you what to do, it would wreck the whole idea.'“
As a husband, I recommend that you ask your wife when and how you need to hold her when she needs to be comforted. Ask her what circumstances prompt her to seek your gentle caring arms and touch. You can't dream them up on your own. We just can't perceive the deep feelings of other people. We've got to draw them out and then practice, practice, practice the skills of meeting our wives' needs.
The first time I ever tried to ski, I rode a rope pulley to the top of a small hill. The hill looked a lot bigger from the top than it did from the bottom.
I thought, no way am I gonna go down this hill. So I sat down on the back of my skis and scooted all the way down.
Even if you have to scoot instead of ski your way through the skills in this chapter at first, remember that you'll eventually be able to get to your feet. This book is certainly not an exhaustive marriage manual, but it is a start. Believe me, if you practice what is written here, you and your wife can have a more loving marriage.
When I was first learning the art of comforting my wife, we had an experience that took every ounce of self-control I could muster. But I came through a stronger man, encouraged by my new-found strength. I want you to imagine yourself in my situation. How would you have reacted?
I had bought a dumpy-looking boat for $400 because we wanted to do more things together as a family. That same night my son and I decided to take it for a quick trip to the lake, only five minutes from our house, just to see how it ran. Because of my inexperience as a boater, the wind blew the boat back to the bank the first time I put it in. I got wet and frustrated trying to push it out again. After an irritating ten minutes trying to start the cantankerous thing, the boat wouldn't go faster than ten miles an hour. Something was obviously wrong. I was quite a way from the shore before I realized I had better get back in case the motor stalled.
Then? “Dad, the boat's sinking!” Greg cried. I looked behind me and saw the foot of water that had gurgled in. The previous owner had taken the plug out the last time it had rained but had forgotten to tell me. With the hull full of water, I couldn't find the hole for the plug. Luckily we didn't sink. I put the boat back on the trailer, determined to take it back first thing in the morning. I was a little embarrassed to have the dumpy-looking thing parked in front of my house anyway.
A boat dealer told me it would take $150 to fix the engine's broken seal, so I returned it to the owner who had promised me I could have my money back if I didn't like it.
When I left home early that morning, I had agreed to be back by eleven o'clock so Norma could go shopping. Retrieving my money took longer than I had planned, and I arrived home an hour-and-a-half late. In the meantime, Norma had decided to take our minimotor home to the grocery store. Trying to turn it around in the driveway, she accidentally drove too close to the house and sheared off a section of the roof. As the roof fell, it put a huge dent in the front of the motor home.
When I pulled into the drive at 12:30, I saw part of the roof lying in the driveway next to the dented motor home. I just laughed out loud, more out of desperation than humor.
I wanted to say to my wife, “Oh, no, $500 at least to fix this. Where did you get your driver's license, at a garage sale?” I wanted to lecture her angrily and then ignore her for a while.
For once, I remembered what I was supposed to do. I told myself, “Keep your mouth shut and put your arms around her. Just hold her. Don't say anything, okay?”
However, my basic human nature told me, “Give her a lecture. Let our anger out. Express it.”
My mind finally triumphed over my will. I put my arms around her and said gently, “You must feel terrible, don't you?” Even though war was still raging inside me. We went into the house and sat on the couch. I let her talk her feelings out.
I held her, and after a couple of minutes I felt good because I could feel the tenderness begin to flow from me. Soon I was fine, and she was encouraged. Minutes later, a carpenter friend drove up who had already heard about the accident. We had the roof patched and painted in two hours.
It felt good not to be angry for once. I hadn't offended my wife, shouted at the kids, or diminished any of the beauty of our relationship. I could have reverted to my old excuse, “Well, I just can't keep from blowing up.” Instead, I had one of those encouraging victories.
My new-found sensitivity has been tested on several occasions. Once I almost blew it on a fishing trip. I normally become completely oblivious to my family and the world when I'm near a stream, totally “submerging” myself in the exhilarating environment of fishing: the smell of the air, the tension when a fish strikes, the sound of the stream. Oops! Back to the story.
When we pulled up in our minimotor home beside a beautiful steam, my heart was pounding. I could hardly wait to get my reel rigged up. First, I rigged the kids' reels and told them, “Look, if you get tangled up, you're on your own.” (I used to get so frustrated when I was trying to fish and they were yelling, “Dad, I can't get this reeled in.” I wanted to devote my entire energy to fishing on my own.)
I found the perfect spot: a nice deep hole in a pool in front of a big boulder. I threw in the lure and let it wander naturally to the bottom of the pool. It swirled around and wham! I got my first trout! I had nearly caught the limit when Greg came running up. I was sure he was about to jump into the stream and spook the fish. I was already upset and angry from his interruption when he said, “Dad! Kari broke her leg!”
Kari broke her leg! What a time to break her leg! I couldn't believe she would do this to me. It was hard for me to leave, but I gave the line to Greg and said, “Don't break it. Don't get it tangled up. Just keep it in there.” I ran in Kari's direction, avoiding the big pool. After all, I didn't want to scare the fish.
Downstream, Kari was crying. “Daddy, I think I broke my leg.”
When I looked at it, I realized it was only bruised.
“Don't touch it,” I said. “It's not broken, it's just bruised. Put your leg in this cold water to soak for a few minutes.”
I'm really embarrassed to tell the rest of the story, but maybe you can learn from my insensitivity. I ran back to the fishing hole and caught a few more trout before walking back to where Kari was crying. “Dad, this water is cold.”
I rather roughly got her up to walk, but she couldn't. When I tried to hoist her up on the bank and couldn't, she started crying again and said, “Dad, you're so rough with me. Can't you be tender?” Something flashed when she said that word. It reminded me of all the times my wife and other women have told me, “What we need is tenderness and gentleness, not harshness. We don't need lectures.” And I couldn't even be tender with my eleven-year-old daughter. I had already lectured Kari because I felt she was interrupting my day. “Why didn't you look first?” I had asked her.
Just who was more important anyway? Those trout or my precious daughter? It was hard for me to face, but those trout had been more important to me. I had let fishing and my own desire endanger my only daughter. I was wrong, and I should have known better!
When I came to my senses, I hung my head low and said, “Kari, I've been so wrong to be harsh with you. I really feel bad. Will you forgive me?”
“Yeah, I'll forgive you, Dad.”
“Kari, you are more important to me than any fish, and I want you to know that. I was so carried away by this activity today that I really hurt you, didn't I?”
We just held each other for a while, and then she looked up into my eyes and asked gently, “Dad, did you use deodorant today?”
*
[Original illustration at this number was added to HolwickID #5020]
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.
Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch* you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home."
"TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!" she yells.
"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.
_____________________
*Yiddish for "admirable person"
*
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms - calling her, "Honey", "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", "Pumpkin", etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and it seemed they were still very much in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
A bumpkin family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't go no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma..."
*
While serving aboard a gunboat in Vietnam, Dave Roever was holding a phosphorus grenade some six inches from his face when a sniper's bullet ignited the explosive. In his book, WELCOME HOME, DAVEY, he describes the first time he saw his face after the explosion: "When I looked in that mirror, I saw a monster, not a human being... My soul seemed to shrivel up and collapse in on itself, to be sucked into a black hole of despair. I was left with indescribable and terrifying emptiness. I was alone in the way the souls in hell must feel alone." Finally Roever came back to the States to meet with his young bride, Brenda. Just before Brenda arrived, Roever watched the wife of another burn victim tell her husband that she wanted a divorce. Then Brenda walked in.
"Showing not the slightest tremor of horror or shock,"Roever writes, "she bent down and kissed me on what was left of my face. Then she looked me in good eye, smiled, and said, Welcome home, Davey! I love you." To understand what that meant to Davey you have to know that what she called him when they were most intimate; she would whisper Davey, over and over in his ear... By using her term of endearment for Davey, she said, "You are my husband. You will always be my husband. You are still my man."
To understand the grace of God poured out in Jesus Christ, we must first understand our inadequacy, our imperfection, our ugliness, as it were. But the transfigured Christ in all his loveliness, in all his holiness, in all his glory still loves us. There was no need for the disciples to be terrified, and there is no reason for us to terrified either.
A researcher believes he can predict the outcome of most any marriage with a few squiggles on a chart. John M. Gottman said a 20-year study involving more than 600 married couples shows that by carefully plotting how a husband and wife interact and then reducing those observations to a formula, researchers can tell which marriages will succeed and which are heading for the rocks.
In a report at the national meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, Gottman said studies by his Relationship Research Institute and the University of Washington show that how couples resolve differences is a key factor in whether a marriage will last.
The methods used by couples for conflict resolution can be expressed mathematically or on a simple graphic to predict how the marriage will endure. In effect, math has now found a place in love and marriage, he said.
To gather the data, a team of researchers observed videotapes of couples in interviews by marriage counselors and noted how husbands and wives responded to each other. Gottman said his team found that there basically are three types of stable marriages.
The first is a husband and wife who routinely avoids conflict. When a difference of opinion arises, said Gottman, “they will never argue. They will listen to the other, but will not try to persuade.” Such marriages, which he calls the “avoiders,” may be unemotional and distant, but they endure.
A second type is a volatile relationship “like two lawyers in a courtroom,” said Gottman. “They can argue at the drop of a hat. They are the Bickersons,” he said. Such marriages tend to last even though there are frequent and impassioned arguments.
The third type of stable marriage Gottman calls the “validating” couple. They listen to each other, respect the other's opinion and only occasionally argue. “They pick the issues they fight about,” he said.
Trouble in marriages comes when the couples are a mix of personalities that do not mesh in resolving conflicts. For instance, a husband who is a volatile arguer married to a wife who is an “avoider”, or one who flees from disagreement, may be in marital trouble, he said.
“Couples like that are usually heading for a divorce,” he said.
Researchers mathematically chart the marriage interactions by plotting not just what is said, but also how it is said and the body language and facial expression behind it. Emotions such as anger, harshness and hostility get a negative number, while humor and an eagerness to talk lovingly about the partner get a positive rating.
When these data points are given values and plotted on a chart it produces a line that dips below a neutral point into negative territory, or a line that soars above the neutral point.
Gottman said follow-up studies have shown the system works. He said an “escalating negative affect”, or a steep descent on the chart below the neutral point, predicts a couple will divorce within 5.6 years after marriage.
A more gentle descending slope below the neutral point, suggesting an “emotional disengagement”, predicts a divorce within 16.2 years after marriage, he said.
Charts with lines rising above the neutral point plot marriages that last.
By using the charts, Gottman said it is possible to help stabilize some marriages. For instance, there's little hope for a marriage where the wife is an avoider of argument and the husband thrives on heated discussion. If she can be taught to respond to his verbal attack while he can learn to tone down his volatility, then they might find a happy middle ground of marriage.
Gottman said in marriages where this counseling has been applied, about 65 percent of couples remain together for at least one year. This research, however, is still in an early stage, he said.
__________
Copyright 2004, The Associated Press
*
Bruce Wilkinson describes this poignant scene from the epic novel and movie, "Grapes of Wrath." Steinbeck's story is about families that are forever changed by the Depression-era events in the Dust Bowl of mid-America, where these huge dust storms were wiping out the lifetime work of many farmers. In one scene, an Oklahoma farm family has gathered in front of their house to watch the approach of this massive dust storm. The working men in the family are looking toward the horizon, no doubt wondering what this storm is going to do to their world. The children are hanging onto their parents' knees - their eyes are on the horizon, too. But not the women. The women are watching only their men's faces. What they need to know is there.
Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "Woman Watching Their Men."
That scene is a revealing picture of where a wife's sense of security and well-being is supposed to lie - it's in the man she married. In fact, our word for today from the Word of God in Proverbs 14:26 describes the home of a real man this way - "He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." A secure fortress - that's the kind of environment a man should provide for his wife and for his children.
God seems to have designed the home in such a way that the man is the thermostat - his marriage and his home reflect whatever climate he sets. That climate could be peaceful or stressful, affectionate or cold, communicating or disconnected. He could be setting a climate that is kind or harsh, selfish or unselfish, positive or negative. The woman seems to be the thermometer of the family, reflecting the temperature set by her man. And I guess you might say that the children are the seismograph who register every disturbance.
When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, it was Adam God came looking for - because it was the man God held accountable for the condition of that first family. When Sarah laughed at God's promise of a son in her old age, it was Abraham God confronted about unbelief. The buck stops with the man.
In our wedding ceremony, I asked God to help me be for Karen "the harbor for which the heart of woman truly longs." I haven't always been that harbor, but it's what God expects me to be - what Karen needs me to be - and what I'm trying to be more and more.
But it's hard for a woman to feel secure in her husband's love when he doesn't take time to listen to her heart - when he continually criticizes her - when he seldom praises her - when he speaks harshly in anger - when his eyes are wandering - when he doesn't seem to value what she does. A man has incredible power to build a woman up or to tear her down.
And she has every right to expect what God expects - that the man will be the spiritual leader in his home; leading them to pray, to consult God's Word, to make godly choices.
A man may be scanning the horizon, weighing what he needs to do. But if you're married, your wife is looking at you to decide whether she's safe or not. You're her horizon. Don't let her down.
________________
Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. 'Practical Answers to Real Life Issues'
*
[article from a secular women's magazine]
In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other, discuss their marriage together, and -- stop the presses -- rate their spouses as skilled lovers.
Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you (were that the case, my beloved Oakland Raiders would have won the Super Bowl years ago). But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily.
"We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution."
After two 1,000-mile moves, the birth of three children, and two job changes, all in the past four years, those difficult decisions had begun to take a toll. So when Beth asked Doug, a nonreligious and self-proclaimed man of science, to try praying with her, he figured they had nothing to lose.
"I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works."
"As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person."
Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course.
"It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power.
"Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out."
*
Everything we make is available for free because of a generous community of supporters.
Donate