42 Sermon Illustrations on Listening

When you say the wrong thing at the wrong time:

Alice Fryling was on her way to Hopkins Airport in Cleveland. Riding with her in the limousine was one other passenger. When she asked why he was traveling, he replied that his business partner had died suddenly and he had come to Ohio for the funeral. Misunderstanding what he said, Alice smiled politely and commented, “Oh, how nice!”

Immediately, she knew her response had been inappropriate. Embarrassed, she asked, “Pardon me?” When he repeated his answer, she realized how she had misunderstood him, and that her polite reply was a disaster.

Rest of article shows how to listen and understand those who grieve.

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Listening with understanding is most important way to help console:

1) Limit words to two sentences.

2) The key to good listening is first to stop talking.

a) Eager to relieve another’s pain, we are often quick to pontificate.

b) Job:

1> He blurts out his own troubles. 10:1

2> He wants his friends to shut up. 13:5

3) How to respond.

a) Paul Welter says that “a response no longer than 12 seconds is usually an effective length in a counseling or helping situation.” In 12 seconds, one can say two sentences, or a total of about 25 words. Welter says “a consistent response length of over 20-30 seconds presents a major problem.”

What we communicate by more lengthy answers is, “I want to talk TO you rather than talk WITH you.” If our responses are long, then the focus is taken off the person we are trying to help and the helping process is slowed down.

b) One of the reasons we talk rather than listen is that we do not like to face negative feelings.

1> We don’t feel comfortable when friends are angry at God, or feel they are losing their faith.

2> These feelings challenge our own faith - and we don’t have easy answers for them.

4) Listening requires an understanding spirit.

a) Listening requires more than not talking.

b) Try to understand what lies behind the words we hear.

5) After listening, show your friend you have heard them.

a) Often a one sentence paraphrase is enough.

b) They can then clarify, or add more information.

Henri Nouwen, in “Out of Solitude,” says, “When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.”

#58

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How families communicate:

The magic test is phrase: “Take out the trash.”

Whenever I hear my beloved wife say that, I immediately drop everything and rush right down to do it -- because as your pastor I must set an example.

Some of you have reacted skeptically. So I’ll be honest. In truth, if I were to do everything my wife asked, right away, she’s have a heart attack then and there. Once she called out “Dinner’s ready” and I came down immediately, only to wait 20 minutes for the food. Dads know what moms REALLY mean.

American author Alvin Toffler said, “The illiterate of the future are not those that can not read or write. They are those that can not learn, unlearn, relearn.”

By now we should all be aware that in order to improve one’s position in life, we must continue to learn new things. But in order to grow personally we must also be able to unlearn the behaviors that put obstacles in our personal development paths, and relearn the new behaviors that will put us back on course.

Let’s look today at three of the key behaviors we should consider replacing with new behavior.

Listening – Listening is not a passive activity. It is unfair to the person who is speaking to have a person there in body but not in mind. Just because we are the person being quiet does not mean we are listening. As a listener we must be in the present and taking in the speakers message in the proper context. It’s not the time to be thinking about what to have for lunch or your next witty comeback. Be fair to the speaker and have a clear and open mind.

Choice – I believe that we are where we are today because of the accumulative effect of all our choices. We have thousands of choices to make each day and we control our lives by those choices. Having the ability to choose equals power. Once you give someone else the ability to make choices for you, whatever they may be, you give up power. Once you realize you have the power of choice, life happens for you, not to you!

Self-Talk – All day, everyday, we talk to ourselves. Sometimes we even talk to ourselves out loud. When we talk to ourselves what we are really doing is giving commands to our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is a very powerful tool. It carries out its orders efficiently and effectively. It does not know the difference between right or wrong and caries no judgment.

It just does what it is told. Are you telling your subconscious that you are smart or dumb, useful or useless, wealthy or poor, athletic or a coach potato. Whatever you are telling your subconscious mind you become.

Success is not a destination, it is a journey. Sometimes along the way we need to correct our course by unlearning the behavior that derails the journey and relearn new behavior to get us back on track. If you feel you may be a little off track, that’s OK. Identify the possible problem, it might even be one of three subjects in this article, and replace the behavior.

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #4537]

A Wise old owl sat in an oak,

The more he saw the less he spoke;

The less he spoke the more he heard;

Why aren't we like that wise old bird?

Edward Hersey Richards

WHEN GOD SPEAKS

President Franklin D. Roosevelt had a great sense of humor and was known for

being mischievous at times. Once he was welcoming the ambassadors of various

countries to a formal dinner at the White House. Of course, FDR had done

this many times, and as usual he was saying pleasant things such as "Good to

see you tonight;" "I'm so glad you could come;" etc. In the midst of it all,

FDR thought, "These people really are not listening to me. I could say

anything and the response would be the same."

To prove his theory, he decided to say something outrageous. As the Swedish

ambassador took his hand, FDR leaned forward and whispered, "I murdered my

mother-in-law this morning." With a big smile, the ambassador responded,

"Keep up the good work, Mr. President." Next, the Canadian ambassador

stepped forward to shake the president's hand. Again FDR leaned forward and

whispered, "I murdered my mother-in-law this morning." The ambassador

quickly responded, "God bless you, Mr. President. You are doing a wonderful

job.

This went on for several minutes with no one really acknowledging FDR's

words. At some point in the proceedings, the French ambassador stepped

forward to greet the president. FDR took his hand and said very softly, "I

murdered my mother-in-law this morning." The French ambassador hesitated for

a second. He then moved very close to the president and said, "Mr.

President, if you did it, I know she deserved it." That man was really

listening.

When God speaks we need to listen. The prophet Isaiah went to the temple to

worship. As he stood there, he refused to allow the world to silence the

voice of God. His faith allowed him to hear God asking, "Whom shall I send?

And who will go for us?" Because Isaiah was listening, his faith also

enabled him to say, "Here am I. Send me" (Isaiah 6:8). God speaks in

worship, and we need to hear His voice.

--Larry Kennedy

(The Timothy Report, Swan Lake Communications, SwanLake@webcombo.net,

February 28, 2000

My Source:

TRUTH #436

From Kiev, Ukraine

… … … … … …

Author: Roger D. Campbell

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WHAT DO MEN DO WHEN THEY DO NOT LIKE OR CANNOT ANSWER THE TRUTH? — Continued from Previous Mailout…

“Let’s quit arguing about little things and just work together to preach Christ.” This is what some brethren say when we point out the error that they are openly teaching or supporting.

• First of all, in the New Testament “to preach Christ” (Acts 8:5,Acts 8:35) means the same as “to preach the word,” “to preach the word of the Lord,” and “to preach the gospel” (Acts 8:4,Acts 8:25). Thus, if one is really “preaching Christ,” then he is preaching the truth, not only about the earthly life of Jesus, but also the teaching that comes from Christ.

• Second, when a brother in Christ teaches that one can receive the remission of sins before baptism, we do not consider it a small thing, for the Scriptures teach that baptism is for one who is not yet saved (Acts 2:38; Acts 22:16).

• We could never consider it a small thing for a congregation to have sisters leading prayers and songs in worship services or preaching when men are present, for the Holy Spirit clearly shows that men are to be in the role of leadership in the church (1 Timothy 2:8,1 Timothy 2:11,1 Timothy 2:12).

• We also do not consider it a small thing when one teaches that a man can divorce his wife (not for her fornication) and then marry another woman, and that God approves of this second so-called marriage. Jesus called this relationship “adultery” (Matthew 19:9), so how could we consider it a small thing?

I mention these three specific examples of departure from the Scriptures because these things are currently being propagated in the Ukraine. We have no desire to be the kind of people with whom it is difficult or impossible to work in peace. Our sincere desire is to strive “to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3), but we will not compromise the gospel just in order to please men and avoid division. We hate division in the church, but compromising the truth is not the answer to avoiding division. We can have true unity only when we walk together in the light of God’s word. “You think you know everything.” This is what some say to us when we stand strong for the truth and against their false positions. This accusation is not pleasant to hear, because we know that it is not true. “God knoweth all things” (1 John 3:20), but we do not. We have many times confessed “I don’t know the answer” when we have been asked questions in a Bible class.

However, there are some things that we must know. We must “understand” the will of God (Ephesians 5:17). We must “know” the truth before it can make us free(John 8:32). We “understand” that God created all things by His word (Hebrews 11:3). We “know” that God sent His Son to the earth (John 17:23), and we “know assuredly” that God made Him Lord and Christ (Acts 2:36). We can know how to become a Christian, and then how to live faithfully in Christ.

Again, there are some Biblical matters of which we personally do not have full understanding, but this will not cause us to stop preaching the gospel, nor will it cause us to cease pointing out and rebuking “the unfruitful works of darkness” that brethren are supporting (Ephesians 5:11). Some members of the church just leave one congregation and begin to attend services at another when they do not like the hard preaching that they hear at the first one. There is nothing wrong with making a decision to attend a different congregation, as long as we leave the first one in peace (that is, if the congregation is sound in the faith), and the one that we begin to attend teaches and upholds the truth. But, for one to decide to leave a church because the truth is being preached there and he just does not like to hear the whole counsel of God, well, that is not going to help anyone, and will in no way build up the body of Christ. Let all of us think on these things and determine to strive to please the Lord in all things (Galatians 1:10), not allowing Satan to cause us to waver in our stand for the truth.

11 SEPTEMBER 1998 CHURCH OF CHRIST, P.O. BOX 828, KIEV 252067, UKRAINE

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My Source:

Friends of the Gospel Email List

Mailing 222

Author: Earl Gieseke

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HOW TO IMPROVE THE PREACHING!

by Earl Gieseke

MAILING 222

HOW TO IMPROVE THE PREACHING!

All recognize the need for the best preaching possible in every congregation of the Lord's people. No one feels the need more than the honest, sincere preacher who struggles from week to week to come up with lessons which are in harmony with the doctrine of Christ, and beneficial to as many as possible. It may surprise some people to know that almost every congregation could improve the preaching without changing preachers. How? Glad you asked.

First, prepare yourself to receive two sermons each Sunday. One of the ways you can do this is sincerely to pray each previous week: "God, make me a better hearer, plus a doer of the Word."

Second, listen just as closely as you would to a speaker who was going to give clues where you could find a great treasure! Tell yourself that the clues given each week are for finding the finest mansion ever built, and that the KEY will only belong to the ones who get the right clues! Believe that one or more clues will be given in each lesson, so if you are forced to miss due to a REASON (not an excuse), ask someone who was here about the clues given.

Third, take notes as if you were going to be tested on the materials presented. Then go home and review the materials presented, and study the passages as soon as possible. ALWAYS TAKE YOUR OWN BIBLE to every service, and if you have time while taking notes, turn to the passages used in the

lesson; if not, read them as soon as possible after getting home.

Fourth, do not listen for mistakes in grammar. Simply listen for the great truths from God's message for you! REMEMBER: THE MESSENGER IS NOT WORTHY OF THE MESSAGE!

Fifth, read your Bible every day so that you are personally and intimately acquainted with the things discussed in the sermons. The preacher is not the only one who should study the Bible (II Timothy 2:24)! If you are really interested, discuss with others the sermons of the previous week. See how many "clues" each has found. Most preachers would be flattered if you asked for a copy of his notes in order to amplify your own.

Sixth, pray for the preacher as well as your self. Pray that he may preach the things needed, not the things which may please. Also pray that YOU may apply any thing needed.

Seventh, feel free to give the preacher suggestions for sermon themes which would help to meet your personal needs, for others may have the same needs, but will not ask. Most preachers appreciate enough interest to suggest topics.

Eighth, treat the preacher just the way you wish to be treated: no better or worse.

Ninth, do not let anyone or anything keep you from carrying out YOUR PERSONAL responsibilities which you learn from the Bible.

Tenth, do not go to services to be entertained. If the preacher was an entertainer, you would not be able to afford his services. Approach every service with reverence toward Christ who promised to BE in the midst of those gathered in His Name. Do not feel you must compliment the sermon. If both YOU and the preacher have done your best, that is all that is necessary.

FINALLY, bring a big bucket for your spiritual food. GET INVOLVED! (Earl Gieseke)

Earl Gieseke, Evangelist

Heath church of Christ [West Paducah, KY]

"The best is always ahead for the Christian!"

eegieseke@hcis.net

Editor & Publisher of FRIENDS OF THE GOSPEL

A FREE electronic mailing designed for members

of the church of Christ.

Sent upon request.

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DRL NOTE: Brother Earl is a faithful preaching brother who lives in west KY. He has some excellent suggestions about improving the preaching. What if these suggestions were universally followed among us? Who thinks that it would not favorably impact our congregations? Oh, for listeners herein described--they are the preacher's delight!!! More importantly, they produce fruit for the Lord (Matthew 13:23).

Deacons should serve as agents for settling conflict in the church, not jump in the middle of it, a Florida Baptist Convention leader said.

"You have to help the church regain its sense of direction and purpose, and you can't be a part of the conflict if you are mediating it," said Roy Saint, associate director of the Florida convention's pastor staff leadership department.

Deacons and all church members should realize that God is bigger than any single conflict, Saint said.

"The work of God will go on with or without our help," he said.

Still, a church in harmony is more effective in evangelizing a lost world, Saint said, and today's leaders could get some pointers from what those in the early church did to resolve conflict.

"First, they listened to their people. In any conflict situation, the key is to listen."

Those who listen well might learn the conflict goes deeper than what is actually being discussed, Saint said, noting, "Sometimes, what you are hearing is not the conflict."

The early leaders also took people and their needs seriously, Saint said. "Something might not be a crisis to you," he said, "but it is to some people."

Third, they built flexibility into the system. "Sometimes we are too rigid in our approaches or thoughts," Saint said. "In a world of change, we have to make changes. Conflict can sometimes alert us that we need to make that change."

Saint added, "There can be something positive to conflict. At least someone is concerned about something so much they become agitated about it."

He listed three types of conflict: intrapersonal, interpersonal and substantive.

Intrapersonal conflict begins within an individual and might include feelings of frustration, confusion, unrest or guilt, Saint said.

Symptoms of intrapersonal conflict listed by Saint include:

• The same person causes conflict over and over.

• The person is encountering problems in his or her life.

• The person is going through development stages or passages in life; is experiencing stress; is physically ill or emotionally unstable.

Interpersonal conflict, Saint said, is between two or more people and can grow out of intrapersonal conflict.

"It's not based on issues as much as it is on what one person or group thinks and feels about another. Sometimes it includes conflict that hasn't been taken care of in the past."

Symptoms of interpersonal conflict, he said, include:

• Withdrawal. "Those involved avoid each other."

• Rationalization. "Those involved try to explain each other by theories and thereby explain their dislike or inability to be in accord."

• Denial. "Those involved refuse to acknowledge conflict exists."

• Fight behavior. "Differences erupt into personal attacks, name-calling, and such. When it gets to fight behavior, it's gotten to full-blown trouble."

Substantive conflict is disagreement over issues, Saint said. "This grows out of differences about goals, methods or facts and can include issues such as a new building program, renovation project, whether to move a piano or the structure of the church budget."

In substantive conflict, Saint said, the issue continues to resurface until it is clear intrapersonal or interpersonal conflict is not the source of the problem.

Conflict in churches can start for several reasons, he said, including stress, confusion, use or misuse of power, change, diverse membership and poor communication, unmet needs and fear.

"But poor communication is the number one cause of conflict," he said. "George Bernard Shaw said, 'The biggest problem with communication is the assumption it has taken place.'"

Deacons must learn to confront conflict in healthy ways, Saint said, noting:

• They can approach every situation with love and compassion, using prayer as a primary tool.

• They can help the church regain a sense of direction and hope.

• They can help the church reaffirm its ministry priorities.

"Good leadership skills can help deacons properly manage conflict," Saint said. "Be proactive rather than reactive. Be transformational, not transactional. And remember, it's a journey, not a destination."

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“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” — Ernest Hemingway

Questions to Ponder

1. How well do I listen?

2. Do I like to listen?

3. Who do I need to listen to more closely today?

[One of the greatest lessons that I learned in my years in business — and one which it seems that God has to keep teaching me over and over — was from a gentleman who, though he made no profession of Christian faith, lived in a fashion that many Christians could emulate. In particular, when you had a discussion with David, he listened attentively to every word you said, without interrupting, and treating what you said as having obvious value. So when he spoke to you, you couldn’t help but treat what he said as having obvious value, too. – RGH]

Here are three listening skills that will help you practice attentive listening.

1. Repeat the main idea of the speaker. Don’t repeat word for word, but listen for the main idea and then repeat the message back to the speaker to make sure you understand what’s being said.

2. Listen between the lines for the attitudes being expressed. Sometimes words and emotions don’t mix. For example, you ask someone, “How are you?” and they say, “I’m fine,” while they keep their arms folded or grit their teeth. Obviously they’re not fine! If you just listen on the surface you might get fooled by the speaker. That’s why it’s important to listen “between the lines.”

3. Hear the speaker out until he/she is completely finished speaking. This means physically not interrupting the person and mentally not preparing what you’re going to say when it’s your turn to respond. Focus on the speaker!

Listening has many benefits. It reduces the chances of misunderstanding. It cuts down on time spent doing the wrong work. It also can eliminate hurt feelings.

More than anything, listening can communicate that you care about the other person and what that person is saying to you. Think about one of your best friends, one of your favorite people. Is he/she a good listener? You probably said yes. That’s because we enjoy being around people who make us feel worthwhile and important.

Try these three suggestions and you’ll begin listening actively. When you do, people will respond to you in ways that you may never have experienced before.

In the Feb. 11 issue of Rick Warren’s Ministry Toolbox, Rick advises, “One of the most common causes of frustration and friction in ministry is that we don’t really listen to each other. Too often we talk at each other rather than with each other.

“Research shows that we spend about 40% of our waking hours listening, yet most of the time we’re only listening at 25% efficiency, and that creates many of our problems.”

Rick goes on to offer three “hearing aids”:

1. Listen with your eyes – Approximately 80% of communication is non-verbal. Facial expressions and body language usually tell the real story. Look at people when you listen to them!

2. Listen with your heart – Be sympathetic. Tune in to the emotions behind the words.

3. Make time to listen to the people around you – Tom Peters calls it “Managing By Walking Around.” (MBWA)

Imagine how your ministry could be transformed if you focused on carefully listening to those around you. Doesn’t it really all just come down to caring about people as Jesus cared for those around Him? It means re-prioritizing your life to value the people who God has placed around you.

It is about 9 in the evening. My wife Ginny and I are sitting in our living room. I’m reading a book. Suddenly she says, “Honey, I want to talk with you for a few minutes.” She begins to talk– then she abruptly asks, “Are you listening?”

I’m tempted to reply, “Of course I am. I’m only 2 feet away from you.” But actually my mind is still on what I’m reading. I need to close the book and give my full attention to what Ginny is saying. She deserves that from me.

Job too was frustrated because his friends weren’t paying attention to what he was saying to them. He sensed that while he was talking they were planning their next response. They were bent on trying to convince him that his suffering was punishment for sin in his life. They were not listening to the deep cry of Job’s heart.

Many of us are poor listeners too. Teenagers can be frustrated because their parents always have a quick answer, when actually they just want someone to listen to their struggles and accept them. One teen said, “Sometimes I would just like to talk until I know what I want to say.”

Deep relationships are built on acceptance, understanding, and being a good listener. — Herb Vander Lugt

When our friends encounter suffering,

We can help them if we’re near;

Some may need a word of comfort,

Others just a listening ear. — Sper

Listening may be the most loving thing you do today.

What kind of Christians are we — sprint Christians or endurance ones in for the long haul? Some new believers get off to a fast start and become very zealous, but pretty soon the newness wears off and they fall by the wayside. Lack of a good support network for new Christians could be at fault, and that is something that our churches need to address.

Our churches need to have an atmosphere of study and support in order to keep folks steady and on track. We need more than hype and programmed enthusiasm to produce solid long distance Christians.

In Matt 13, Jesus uses a parable about seed falling on different kinds of soil. Then in verse 12 He says, “To those who are open to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But to those who are not listening, even what they have will be taken away from them.” There’s the key — TEACHING, and that requires more than whooped up enthusiasm. We need to get folks involved in solid Bible teaching to have Christians who last for the long haul. If you are not involved, you are one of those “who is not listening.”

He went in therefore, and shut the door. 2 Kings 4:33.

When thou prayest, enter into thy closet and . . . shut thy door. Matthew 6:6.

A man was standing in a telephone booth trying to converse, but he could not make out the message of the other party. He kept saying, “I can’t hear, I can’t hear.” The other man said sharply, “If you’ll shut the door, you can hear.” The door of the booth was not shut, and he could hear, not only the man’s voice, but the street and store noise too. The spiritual hearing 0f some of us is very poor because our door, the door of the heart, has not been closed tightly. Man’s voice and God’s voice have become mixed in our ears. We cannot distinguish between them. The trouble is partly with the door. If we will shut the door, we will be able to hear.

Shut in with Thee, far, far above

the restless world that wars below,

We seek to learn and prove Thy love,

Thy wisdom and Thy grace to know.

Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. — Proverbs 8:34.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. — James 1:19.

The words “He that hath an ear to hear, let him hear” are repeated sixteen times in the New Testament. Dr. Samuel Zwemer says, “We may well ask what these words signify and why they are so frequently repeated. Most people are impressed with the responsibility of declamation and proclamation and voice culture rather than the far greater responsibility of silence, and EAR-CULTURE and hearkening to the word of the Lord; the lost art of listening to our fellows - men or to the whisper of God.”

Master speak! and make me ready,

when Thy voice is truly heard,

With obedience glad and steady,

still to follow every word.

I am listening, Lord, for Thee;

Master, speak, oh, speak to me! — F. R. Havergal

Sermon in Book of James series, #5. James 1:19-27

YOU NEED MIRACLE EAR!

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I. How families communicate.

A. The magic test.

B. Communication is a complicated affair.

C. Communication is also central to our spiritual life.

II. Listening to the Word. 1:19-20

A. Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

B. Good listening is a difficult trait to acquire.

C. Listening slowly - to God.

III. Receiving the Word. 1:21

A. Get rid of moral filth.

B. Humbly accept the Word.

IV. Doing the Word. 1:22-27

A. Paying attention is not enough.

B. The purpose of listening to truth is to act upon it. 1:22

C. Alternative - listen, do, be blessed. 1:25

V. Three specific areas where truth should be put into practice.

A. Speech. 1:26

B. Concern for people who hurt. 1:27a

C. Concern for personal holiness (pollution by world). 1:27b

[This sermon duplicated a previous one given on May 8, 1994]

[Edited]

Of all the things our modern, electrically-powered society has destroyed, none is so easily overlooked as “silence.” A century ago, a world without radios, televisions, CD players, pagers, and cell phones provided numerous opportunities to be alone with one’s thoughts. Today, we seem to fear silence, afraid of what we might hear if we were forced to stop and listen.

Five weeks ago I began an experiment: I turned off the radio in my truck for the entire month. No music, no news, no talk. Just silence. And in that month of silence I came to love those twenty or thirty minutes a day without noise.

At first it was hard. In fact for the first few days I felt so unnerved by the silence that I found myself talking out loud, even though I was the only one there. But even those one-sided discussions usually focused on something I was worried about or some idea I was trying to develop, so while I may have looked strange talking to myself, the time was productive.

As the days passed, I came to enjoy the silence, since it provided my one chance all day to simply sit and think. I have never had much success praying while driving, but during these days of stillness I definitely received insights I would not have found otherwise. I think maybe I heard what Richard Foster describes as “the divine Whisper” once or twice.

Despite His hectic schedule, Jesus often sought out solitude and silence. His forty days in the wilderness … just before choosing the twelve … after the feeding of the 5000 … following the healing of the leper … before he faced the cross; in each case, Jesus intentionally withdrew to spend time alone in prayer, solitude, and silence.

Your car may be the one sanctuary on earth where you can regularly experience silence. But even there, you must choose silence over noise. It might be worth a month for you to give it a try – I got so much out of it that I’m going to continue it.

There’s a lot to hear in silence. Are you willing to listen?

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." –Luke 6:31

The headline on the front page of our city’s local news section said:

“BAGEL GUY” WELCOMES, KNOWS TEEN CUSTOMERS

The story profiled a man named Ray who runs a downtown bagel shop where a lot of high school kids come for lunch. All of them say that Ray is a rare man who treats them like people, not pests.

“He makes you feel like a good person, no matter what,” one young lady said.

“He overlooks the stereotypes,” another added. “He helps you down the road you’re on right now.”

A young man said he comes there because he feels welcome. When he walks through the door, Ray greets him by name.

Why should that make the news? Simply because it is so out of the ordinary for an adult running a business to treat high school kids with dignity and respect.

As we grow toward Christian maturity, it’s great to plumb the depths of Romans and grapple with the profound truths of Ephesians, but it’s also good to return to the familiar words of our Savior: “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31).

It’s easy to forget that “The Golden Rule” is a commandment of Christ! As His followers, we are to take the initiative in treating others with kindness, no matter how they deal with us. “Love your enemies, do good to them. … Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (vv. 35-37).

Sometimes it takes a guy selling bagels and showing respect to refocus our attention on what it means to live as a Christian.

Ray summed up his feelings by saying: “When I die, I hope there’s nobody on this earth who can say I treated him badly.”

I think that’s what Jesus has in mind for us too. –DM

REFLECTION

• To what individuals or groups of people do I tend to show little respect?

• From today’s Bible reading in Luke 6, can I find at least five specific actions Jesus told His listeners to take toward others?

• On what basis am I to show mercy? (v.36).

Measure your behavior by The Golden Rule.

“Where shall the world be found, where will the word resound? Not here, there is not enough silence.” — T.S. Eliot

At my house, the TV is off. It will be until Easter. The first time this happened, it was accident, coincidence.

Some years ago, a few weeks before Easter, a burglar took some odd pieces of jewelry, a shirt my cousin gave me for Christmas, and my VCR. Worse, he took the adapter for the cable box. The antenna reception on the television was bad, so I turned it off until I could get a new adapter. I was busy with seminary and all the stuff of Easter, anyway.

Holy Week was quiet that year. And moving. We staged “The Living Last Supper” one more time, but this time it was as if I had never seen it before. Its message sank into my bones. “Is it I?” the disciples asked Jesus of his betrayer. They waited for his answer.

So did I.

I’m from a tradition that doesn’t give up things for Lent. In fact, we often pick up the vices others lay down (bar-b-ques on Friday, Cadbury parties). So when I told my wife I wanted to do a penitential exercise, one corner of her mouth creased slightly. When I told her I would watch no television for six weeks, she laughed. She knows I love television. I worked in television. I programmed television. I eagerly tack onto the busiest work day a full night’s channel surfing. My wife long ago surrendered the remote to me. But, good sport that she is, she was now willing to give up TV altogether, for my sake.

I must confess nagging doubts in the days before our first intentional media blackout. I would miss March Madness. I’d have no water cooler patter to share with the Must-see crowd. Voyager might reach home without me. Everybody loves Raymond — except me.

Nevertheless, after the late news on Mardi Gras night, we closed the doors on the TV cabinet and entered Lent in silence.

St. John of the Cross uses the phrase “my house being now all stilled.” He refers to the stillness of his spiritual house in which the soul lives without words. In my case, the stillness must come first in a literal sense. My den is stilled before my soul is stilled. In this stilling, we go to sleep a little earlier, we read more carefully, we talk more deeply — when we choose to talk.

And we listen.

The evenings are at first very long, but in the growing quiet of the passing weeks, twilight seems as a single moment with a single thought, if any thought. By Holy Week, we are ready for Christ to break our silence however he chooses:

“One of you will betray me.”

“Father, forgive them.”

“It is finished.”

If we make room by our silence, the Word will resound.

He went in therefore, and shut the door. 2 Kings 4:33.

When thou prayest, enter into thy closet and . . . shut thy door. Matthew 6:6.

A man was standing in a telephone booth trying to converse, but he could not make out the message of the other party. He kept saying, “I can’t hear, I can’t hear.” The other man said sharply, “If you’ll shut the door, you can hear.” The door of the booth was not shut, and he could hear, not only the man’s voice, but the street and store noise too. The spiritual hearing 0f some of us is very poor because our door, the door of the heart, has not been closed tightly. Man’s voice and God’s voice have become mixed in our ears. We cannot distinguish between them. The trouble is partly with the door. If we will shut the door, we will be able to hear.

Shut in with Thee, far, far above

the restless world that wars below,

We seek to learn and prove Thy love,

Thy wisdom and Thy grace to know.

"It seems rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners."

-- Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996), syndicated columnist, cited in BITS & PIECES

"We hear only half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, believe only half of that, and remember only half of that."

-- Mignon McLaughlin, writer, cited in BITS & PIECES

"Talk to people about themselves, and they'll listen for hours."

-- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881), British prime minister (B&P)

"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."

-- Jimi Hendrix (http://www.bigwacko.com/quotes2.html)

“An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.”

-- David Augsburger, www.sermoncentral.com 7/10/03

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