143 Sermon Illustrations on Friendship

One morning in spring, two youths were walking arm in arm in a wood. "Let us try," said the one to the other, "to find the image of our friendship; for man loves to find the picture of his own life in nature."—"Behold the ivy clinging to the young oak! The tree grows in youthful beauty and vigor, like the column of a temple which youths and virgins have adorned with the first foliage of spring. The tender ivy clings to the oak, as if it strove to become one with the tree; but for the oak, it would creep in the dust." Krummacher.

He that is absent will not be the heir.—Latin.—The dead and the absent have no friends.—Spanish.—The absent are always in the wrong.—French.—Friends agree best at a distance.—English.—Love your neighbor, but do not pull down the hedge. Let the guest go before the storm bursts.—German.—Better be unmannerly than troublesome. Too much familiarity breeds contempt.—English.—He that quits his place loses it. French.

The rhinoceros is frequently accompanied by a bird, which, at the approach of danger, gives a shrill cry of warning. The rhinoceros can only see what is immediately before him, and may be approached from the leeward within a few paces. The bird sees better, and is his sentinel and friend; often saving him from death. A bird similarly defends the African buffalo. The bird hops on the ground beside the beast, or rides upon his back; but his flight is the signal of alarm. The little monkeys of the tropics form similar friendship with larger animals. A lion and a dog, and a tigress and a dog, have been fast friends.

Damon was sentenced to die on a certain day, and sought permission of Dionysius of Syracuse to visit his family in the interim. It was granted, on condition of securing a hostage for himself. Pythias heard of it, and volunteered to stand in his friend's place. The king visited him in prison, and conversed with him about the motive of his conduct; affirming his disbelief in the influence of friendship. Pythias expressed his wish to die that his friend's honor might be vindicated. He prayed the gods to delay the return of Damon till after his own execution in his stead. The fatal day arrived. Dionysius sat on a moving throne, drawn by six white horses. Pythias mounted the scaffold, and calmly addressed the spectators: "My prayer is heard: the gods are propitious; for the winds have been contrary till yesterday. Damon could not come; he could not conquer impossibilities; he will be here tomorrow, and the blood which is shed to-day shall have ransomed the life of my friend. Oh! could I erase from your bosoms every mean suspicion of the honor of Damon, I should go to my death as I would to my bridal. My friend will be found noble, his truth unimpeachable; he will speedily prove it; he is now on his way, accusing himself, the adverse elements, and the gods: but I hasten to prevent his speed. Executioner, do your office." As he closed, a voice in the distance cried, "Stop the execution!" which was repeated by the whole assembly. A man rode up at full speed, mounted the scaffold, and embraced Pythias, crying, "You are safe, my beloved friend! I now have nothing but death to suffer, and am delivered from reproaches for having endangered a life so much dearer than my own." Damon replied, "Fatal haste, cruel impatience! What envious powers have wrought impossibilities in your favor? But I will not be wholly disappointed. Since I cannot die to save, I will not survive you." The king heard, and was moved to tears. Ascending the scaffold, he cried, "Live, live, ye incomparable pair! Ye have borne unquestionable testimony to the existence of virtue; and that virtue equally evinces the existence of a God to reward it. Live happy, live renowned, and oh! form me by your precepts, as ye have invited me by your example, to be worthy of the participation of so sacred a friendship." If heathenism had such friendships, what may be expected of Christianity?

FRIENDS, Distrust of "Friends!" said Socrates, "there is no friend." Another says, A friend is a changeable creature, like the colors of the peacock. Many friends are not more fickle than false; like deep ponds, clear at the top, and muddy at the bottom. Try before you trust, and, when you have tried, trust not over far, lest you cry out as Queen Elizabeth, "In trust, I have found treason;" or as Julius Caesar, when stabbed by Brutus, "What! thou, Brutus!" He received twenty-three wounds, mostly at the hands of those whose lives he had spared. Buck.

Some years ago, a traveller, passing through Clermont, wished to see the country house in which the celebrated Massillon used to spend the greater part of the year, and therefore applied to an old vicar, who, since the death of the bishop, had never entered the house. He consented, however, to gratify the traveller, notwithstanding the profound grief he expected to suffer from revisiting a place dear to his remembrance. They accordingly set out together, and the vicar pointed out to the stranger the different places of importance. "There," said he, with tears in his eyes, "is the alley in which the excellent prelate used to walk with us; there is the arbor in which he used to sit and read; this is the garden he took pleasure in cultivating with his own hands." Then they entered the house, and when they came to the room where Massillon died, "This," said the vicar, "is the place where we lost him;" and as he pronounced these words his affectionate feelings overcame him, and he fainted away.

True friendship translates itself into deeds (v. 5). Absolutely frank (v. 9). Warns of danger (v. 9). Devoted (v. 41-42)

Col. Byrd, of Virginia, fell into the hands of the Cherokees, and was condemned to death. In the tribe was a chief that had before been his friend. At the approach of the executioners, the Indian threw himself up an the intended victim, saying, “This man is my friend; before you can get at him, you must kill me”; which saved him.

At a “home” in the country which the children of the slums are allowed to visit for a short time in the summer, the following incident occurred. A party of about one hundred youngsters was returning to the city. The attendant noticed that one of the girls, Rosie, was walking rather clumsily. This is the way the New York _Tribune_ tells the story:

When the attendant heard a chorus of gibes all aimed at little Rosie, she saw that the girl was wearing a pair of shoes of large size. Then the attendant remembered that Rosie had had a new pair of shoes, and the little girl was asked about it.

“Well,” said Rosie, “you see, the shoes ain’t mine. They’re Katie’s. I know they’re awful big, but her mama ain’t had any work lately, so she couldn’t buy her a new pair. She just gave her own shoes to Katie.

“Katie felt awful bad about it, and cried all the way to the station. The girls all laughed at her. I just lent her my new ones and took hers.

“You see, teacher,” said Rosie, raising her eyes to the attendant’s face, “Katie’s my friend.”

“What is the secret of your life?” asked Mrs. Browning of Charles Kingsley; “tell me, that I may make mine beautiful, too.” He replied, “I had a friend.” Somewhere in her “Middlemarch,” George Eliot puts it well: “There are natures in which, if they love us, we are conscious of having a sort of baptism and consecration; they bind us over to rectitude and purity by their pure belief about us; and our sins become the worst kind of sacrilege, which tears down the invisible altar of trust.”

— WILLIAM C. GANNETT

The following poem was written by His Majesty Mutsuhito, the Emperor of Japan, for the students at the Peeresses’ School of Tokyo. It is translated by Arthur Lloyd:

The water placed in goblet, bowl or cup Changes its form to its receptacle; And so our plastic souls take various shapes And characters of good or ill, to fit The good or evil in the friends we choose. Therefore, be ever careful in your choice of friends, And let your special love be given to those Whose strength of character may prove the whip, That drives you ever to fair wisdom’s goal. (Text.)--_The Independent._

John Macy says in _The Atlantic Monthly_:

Poe lived, worked, and died in such intellectual solitude that Griswold could write immediately after his death that he left few friends. Tho at the height of his career in New York, “between the appearance of ‘The Raven’ and the time when poverty and illness claimed him irrevocably, he appears as a lion in gatherings of the literati, yet it is asserted that among them his only affectionate friends were two or three women.”

No brilliant fame can atone for the lack of true friendships.

See KINDNESS.

FRIENDSHIP, CONCEPTIONS OF

The Greek idea of friendship is represented by the figure of a girl, with uncovered head; one hand on her heart, the other resting on an elm struck by a thunderbolt, and about which a vine, heavy with grapes, is entwined. Her dress was high and close fitting, her attitude chaste. The Roman conception of friendship was more complicated and modern. The girl’s dress was cut _á la vierge_, her head crowned with myrtle and pomegranate flowers; she held in her hand two hearts enchained. On the fringe of her tunic was written, “Life and death”; on her forehead were the words, “Summer and winter.” With her right hand she pointed to her left side; exposed over heart and on it was written, “From far and near.”--DORA MELEGARI, “Makers of Sorrow and Makers of Joy.”

The motives of some men in cultivating friendships may be compared to that of the foxes mentioned below:

To see a fox get round the farmer’s dogs, in order to make friends with them, is one of the most astonishing revelations of character. Usually the dogs seem hardly to know at first what to make of his advances, but the fox is pretty certain to succeed in bringing him to his side in the end, and after that they may be seen playing together day after day.--WITMER STONE and WILLIAM EVERETT CRAM, “American Animals.”

Christians need to rediscover intimacy and closeness. The desire for it does not mean the believer is self-centered.

1. Our need for intimacy.

Theology behind intimacy. Verses given.

2. We must seek intimacy.

3. Three fallacies about intimacy:

a. Mistake frequency for intimacy.

b. Marriage is only full human relationship worth developing.

c. Intimacy and sexuality are somehow inevitably intertwined.

4. Marks of an intimate relationship. (used 11/18/90)

a. Intimate friends can share openly about themselves.

b. There is a sense of acceptance by one another.

c. There is a sense of reciprocity in the relationship.

d. Times of sharing about past events in their lives.

e. Seem to include the freedom of not worrying about making sense.

f. Includes accountability.

g. Allows people to disagree and get hurting angry, with the expectation

the other person will stick around.

h. Results in a willingness to share the other person with others.

Atsuko Tsunemi was a Japanese student in the U.S. She went to a church's international student outreach because they were going to the zoo. She grew up in a non-religious home and knew little of Christianity. They gave her scientific proofs of Christianity and she secretly believed. She made a full commitment to Jesus after talking it over with her parents; her father gave her his blessing.

"My nearness to God felt bigger and bigger. I had a feeling of God that I never had before. It was like someone telling me, 'Why don't you come?' Like someone knocking ... knocking." One of the girls in the group told her, "That is Christ asking to come into your heart." "Why not?" she said, "I really want to be His child." The little group prayed for Atsuko. "I prayed, too," she whispered. She was baptized at the First Presbyterian Church in Gadsden, Alabama.

Those who take the risks necessary for intimate friendship gain a treasure that will transform their lives.

1. Places in the Heart.

Friends have a special hold on us.

David & Jonathan

Paul & the Ephesian elders

2. The Divine Pattern.

The perfect model for intimacy is found in the heart of God.

According to John 14:20, there is a mutual residence in our hearts.

3. Beyond the Living Room.

Deep mutual knowledge is the practical content of the term intimacy.

4. The Details and the Depths.

Friends must know one another deeply.

5. Dirty Laundry.

By allowing God into our darkest corners we can be a better friend.

6. Building Intimacy.

a. Common Faith

b. Common Interests

c. Time together

d. Vulnerability

e. Sensitivity

f. Loyalty

g. Prayer

7. Power to Transform.

In the loving acceptance by friends we can find the courage to forgive

ourselves and change.

Life of Howard Hughes:

He was the world's ultimate mystery--so secretive, so reclusive, so enigmatic,

that for more than 15 years no one could say for certain that he was alive,

much less how he looked or behaved.

Howard Hughes was one of the richest men in the world, with the destinies of

thousands of people--perhaps even of governments--at his disposal, yet he

lived a sunless, joyless, half-lunatic life. In his later years he fled from

one resort hotel to another--Las Vegas, Nicaragua, Acapulco--and his physical

appearance become odder and odder. His straggly beard hung to his waist and

his hair reached to the middle of his back. His fingernails were two inches

long, and his toenails hadn't been trimmed for so long they resembled

corkscrews.

"As far as I know," a Hughes confidant once said, "he's never loved any woman.

It's sex, or a good secretary, or good box office--that is all a woman means

to him." Hughes often said, "Every man has his price or a guy like me

couldn't exist," yet no amount of money bought the affection of his

associates. Most of his employees who have broken the silence report their

disgust for him.

Why was Hughes so isolated and so lonely? Why with almost unlimited money,

hundreds of aides, and countless beautiful women available to him, was he so

unloved?

Simply because he chose to be.

It is an old axiom that God gave us things to use and people to enjoy. Hughes

never learned to enjoy people. He was too busy manipulating them. His

interests were machines, gadgets, technology, airplanes, and money--interests

so consuming as to exclude relationships.

#1575

[see #1689]

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Reasons why people join a church...

1% Join because of a special crusade or revival.

2% Join because of the general visitation by the pastor.

4% Join because of some special and unique need.

6% Just walk in and join on their own.

6% Join because the church has a good pastor.

7% Join because of a good Sunday School.

10% Join because the church has a good program for children & adults.

65% Join because they are INVITED by friends, relatives or church members!

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Another question is why people stay.

Two leading reasons are Christ-centered friendships. And good Bible teaching/preaching.

#2406

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Sermon in 50 Day Adventure series. #3 - Relationships. Eccl 4:9-12

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TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE

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I. People need other people.

A. Modern life leads to isolation.

B. Why are we so isolated?

C. If you were in trouble, is there a Christian you could trust?

II. God made us to need each other. Gen 2:18

A. Not just true of families - also true of Christians.

B. Advice from the Bible. Eccl 4:9-12

C. A long history among believers.

D. Different styles.

III. What a spiritual friend can do.

A. Friends can lead to significant spiritual growth for us.

B. Immense support simply from another's presence.

C. A close spiritual friend can help us make sense of everyday life.

D. Ground our spirituality in something more solid than feelings.

IV. How to be a spiritual friend.

A. Listen, and encourage honest sharing.

B. Create a climate of encouragement.

C. Focus us on Christ and Christlikeness.

V. When in doubt, pray.

A. Prayer is a strong glue for relationships.

B. Share your concerns with one another, and with Lord.

C. Every relationship needs three strands.

#2831

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Leith Anderson’s sermon “Can Jesus Trust Us?” develops one point negatively to help us grasp the positive:

“Jesus ... trusted John with his love. It is a most extraordinary thing to be described as ‘the one whom Jesus loved,’ to be Jesus’ best friend. It smacks of something inappropriate, but the fact is, that’s what their relationship was.

“I wonder what it would be like if such a thing were done today.... What would happen if in 1995 someone were identified from all of Christendom as Jesus’ best friend? Editors would be lined up for an interview. That person would be on the cover of every magazine. What do you think it would do to that person’s life? Do you think that person would write a book or cut a CD or go on the road on a Best-Friend-of-Jesus seminar? Wouldn’t it have the high potential of ruining that person’s entire life? Wouldn’t there be a temptation to arrogance? Wouldn’t there be the possibility of treating others in an inappropriate and disparaging way?

“And yet, didn’t Jesus have as much right to a best friend as any of us? If so, wasn’t it critically important that he choose someone whom he could trust to be his best friend, with the confidence that that person would never misuse their relationship?”

Discover the value of impromptu discipleship. Many significant "teachable moments" in Jesus' ministry took place during social events.

#3057

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The important role of spiritual mentors.

I. Spiritual guides are helpful.

A. Example of friend pointing out birds.

B. Has a long history among believers.

1) Jesus and 12 disciples.

2) Outsiders sought out Jesus for his wisdom.

3) Paul and Timothy.

4) Examples in church history.

C. Descriptive terms.

1) Spiritual director.

2) Spiritual friend / companion.

3) Guide.

II. Few have a spiritual friend.

A. Seventy percent of Americans have many acquaintances but few

close friends.

1) Mobility of society? Culture of entertainment?

2) More likely: exposing our inner selves frightens us.

a) Cuts against "rugged individualism."

b) Undercuts our direct dependence on God.

1> We distrust human spiritual authority.

B. Opening up to others can lead to growth.

1) We are isolated because of fear or pride.

III. The benefits of a spiritual mentor.

A. We can expect to find immense support simply from another's

presence.

B. A guide can help us make sense of everyday life.

C. They help us ground our spiritual life in something more solid

than our own feelings.

1) They can point out our spiritual blind spots.

2) They can remind us of our priorities.

3) When depressed, they can remind us we are cherished by God.

IV. What to look for in a spiritual friend.

A. Someone who will listen, and encourage honest sharing.

B. Someone who will create a climate of encouragement.

1) Unjudging and unshakable.

C. They focus us on Christ and Christlikeness.

1) Focus is not on personality, but on coming to know God better.

V. Sources of spiritual mentors.

A. Daily contacts.

B. House-churches and home Bible studies.

VI. Mentors can lead to significant spiritual growth for us.

A. We learn by the example of others.

B. We gain new insight or courage.

Things We Can Learn from a Dog:

1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure

ecstasy.

3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

4. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.

5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

6. Take naps and always stretch before rising.

7. Run, romp, and play daily.

8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

9. Be loyal.

10. Never pretend to be something you're not.

11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them

gently.

13. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

14. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

15. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

16. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

17. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

18. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing

and pout. Run right back and make friends.

Author Unknown, from Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul, Copyright 1998, Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Marty Becker and Carol Kline

#4404

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Six minutes to six, said the great round clock over the information booth in Grand Central Station. The tall young Army lieutenant who had just come from the direction of the tracks lifted his sunburned face, and his eyes narrowed to note the exact time. His heart was pounding with a beat that shocked him because he could not control it. In six minutes, he would see the woman who had filled such a special place in his life for the past 13 months, the woman he had never seen, yet whose written words had been with him and sustained him unfailingly.

He placed himself as close as he could to the information booth, just beyond the ring of people besieging the clerks...

Lieutenant Blandford remembered one night in particular, the worst of the fighting, when his plane had been caught in the midst of a pack of Zeros. He had seen the grinning face of one of the enemy pilots.

In one of his letters, he had confessed to her that he often felt fear, and only a few days before this battle, he had received her answer: "Of course you fear...all brave men do. Didn't King David know fear? That's why he wrote the 23rd Psalm. Next time you doubt yourself, I want you to hear my voice reciting to you: 'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me.'" And he had remembered; he had heard her imagined voice, and it had renewed his strength and skill.

Now he was going to hear her real voice. Four minutes to six. His face grew sharp.

Under the immense, starred roof, people were walking fast, like threads of color being woven into a gray web. A girl passed close to him, and Lieutenant Blandford started. She was wearing a red flower in her suit lapel, but it was a crimson sweet pea, not the little red rose they had agreed upon. Besides, this girl was too young, about 18, whereas Hollis Meynell had frankly told him she was 30. "Well, what of it?" he had answered. "I'm 32." He was 29.

His mind went back to that book - the book the Lord Himself must have put into his hands out of the hundreds of Army library books sent to the Florida training camp. "Of Human Bondage," it was; and throughout the book were notes in a woman's writing. He had always hated that writing-in-habit, but these remarks were different. He had never believed that a woman could see into a man's heart so tenderly, so understandingly. Her name was on the bookplate: Hollis Meynell. He had got hold of a New York City telephone book and found her address. He had written, she had answered. Next day he had been shipped out, but they had gone on writing.

For 13 months, she had faithfully replied, and more than replied. When his letters did not arrive she wrote anyway, and now he believed he loved her, and she loved him.

But she had refused all his pleas to send him her photograph. That seemed rather bad, of course. But she had explained: "If your feeling for me has any reality, any honest basis, what I look like won't matter. Suppose I'm beautiful. I'd always be haunted by the feeling that you had been taking a chance on just that, and that kind of love would disgust me. Suppose I'm plain (and you must admit that this is more likely). Then I'd always fear that you were going on writing to me only because you were lonely and had no one else. No, don't ask for my picture. When you come to New York, you shall see me and then you shall make your decision. Remember, both of us are free to stop or to go on after that - whichever we choose..."

One minute to six - he pulled hard on a cigarette.

Then Lieutenant Blandford's heart leaped higher than his plane had ever done.

A young woman was coming toward him. Her figure was long and slim; her blond hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears. Her eyes were blue as flowers, her lips and chin had a gentle firmness. In her pale green suit, she was like springtime come alive.

He started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was wearing no rose, and as he moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips.

"Going my way, soldier?" she murmured.

Uncontrollably, he made one step closer to her. Then he saw Hollis Meynell.

She was standing almost directly behind the girl, a woman well past 40, her graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump; her thick- ankled feet were thrust into low-heeled shoes. But she wore a red rose in the rumpled lapel of her brown coat.

The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away.

Blandford felt as though he were being split in two, so keen was his desire to follow the girl, yet so deep was his longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned and upheld his own; and there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible; he could see that now. Her gray eyes had a warm, kindly twinkle.

Lieutenant Blandford did not hesitate. His fingers gripped the small worn, blue leather copy of Of Human Bondage, which was to identify him to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even rarer than love - a friendship for which he had been and must ever be grateful.

He squared his broad shoulders, saluted and held the book out toward the woman, although even while he spoke he felt shocked by the bitterness of his disappointment.

"I'm Lieutenant John Blandford, and you - you are Miss Meynell. I'm so glad you could meet me. May... may I take you to dinner?"

The woman's face broadened in a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is all about, son," she answered. "That young lady in the green suit - the one who just went by - begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said that if you asked me to go out with you, I should tell you that she's waiting for you in that big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of a test. I've got two boys with Uncle Sam myself, so I didn't mind to oblige you."

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By Sulamith Ish-Kishor from A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

#4526

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