Sermon Illustrations on Parents — page 2

Letting Go of Your Little Ones

1 Samuel 1:27

It's common to most every religious tradition - some ceremony or service where you dedicate or commit a new child to God. In some Christian traditions, it takes the form of baptism. Others have a brief baby dedication. The last baby we dedicated was our youngest child - and that was more than a few years ago! I held the little guy in my hands. Times have changed. Oh, I don't pick him up anymore, I'd hurt myself. He picks me up - literally. He'll greet me at the airport, for example, pick me up off the ground and spin me around. That's my baby. A lot of things have changed. One thing never has.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Letting Go of Your Little Ones."

Well, all three of our children grew up. But the transaction that took place that day we dedicated each of them to God is one thing that is still being repeated today. No, we cannot physically hold them in our hands anymore. But we can - we must - keep giving them over to the One who gave them to us. The problem is that, all too often, we actually try to keep them in our hands, don't we?

There is no more beautiful "release your child" model in all the Bible than Hannah, the woman who prayed fervently for years that God would bless her infertility with a child. God answered that prayer by giving her a boy named Samuel, who was destined to become one of the great leaders of Israel. In obedience to God, Hannah brought her young son to the temple to be trained for spiritual leadership. In part of her prayer in 1 Samuel 1:27 and 28 is our word for today from the Word of God. She says of this child for whom she had waited so long: "So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given over to the Lord."

Do you know how often we moms and dads need to tell God that? Every day for the rest of your life - no matter how old or young our children are. No matter how close to God or far from God they are. But be careful -we're talking here about releasing our son or daughter to God. Which means helping them become the person God created them to be, not trying to shape them into the person we want them to be. It means talking to God far more about your child than talking to your child about God, as important as that is.

For some of us who tend to be controllers, we have to make sure we're not trying to "play God" ourselves in our child's life. Parents who truly place their son or daughter in God's hands can lay off the nagging, the manipulating, the meddling, and the criticizing. What we try to control we often end up crushing. Our job is to say to God each new day, "You gave me this child, Lord. Again, for this new day, I'm giving her, I'm giving him, back to You. I'm available for anything You want me to do to join you in what you're doing in their life - whether You ask me to speak up, or remain silent, to apologize, to forgive, to sacrifice, or even change."

A surrendered parent is a parent at peace - a parent who knows that this treasure God has entrusted to them has this day been placed again in God's all-powerful hands. A God who knows the plans He has for that boy, for that girl - plans for good and not for evil, to give them a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). No matter how big your little ones get, remember Whose they really are.

________________

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A Boy Genius? Mother Admits Faking Tests

DENVER, Feb. 23 Justin Chapman was the smartest little boy in the world.

There were documents to prove it: An I.Q. test, given when Justin was 6, recording his score at 298- plus, the highest on record. A perfect 800 on the math portion of the SAT. Another intelligence test, taken when he was 3, on which he maxed out the scale.

Based on such achievements, Justin enrolled in an online high school at 5, and at 6 he took courses at the University of Rochester in New York.

He met with Gov. George E. Pataki of New York. He was featured in a BBC documentary about child geniuses. He spoke at conferences about the special needs of highly gifted children.

His mother, Elizabeth Chapman, told reporters how her son walked and talked precociously, evinced a relentless hunger for learning and needed only two to five hours sleep each night.

But in an interview with The New York Times after a newspaper raised doubts about Justin's accomplishments, Ms. Chapman admitted that many of the records attesting to superior intelligence were a sham. Ms. Chapman said she falsified the records of the I.Q. test given when Justin 3. The SAT scores, she said, belonged to a former neighbor's son. She also said Justin had studied the manual for the Stanford Binet Intelligence Scale before taking the test in April 2000.

She said that Justin was unusually bright and that she was trying to open doors for him that would otherwise have remained closed.

"I didn't plan on it," she said. "It just happened, and I let things get out of control." The Rocky Mountain News reported on Feb. 13 that Justin had been hospitalized for psychiatric problems and had been taken from his mother and put in foster care, facts confirmed by documents provided to The Times. The article raised questions not only about Ms. Chapman's claims about her son but also about the methods used to assess Justin's I.Q. by the experts who pronounced him profoundly gifted.

Exactly how smart Justin is remains unclear.

The strongest clues that something was wrong came from the child himself. Last fall, Justin, now 8, began to show increasing signs of emotional turmoil. In September, after moving here from upstate New York, his mother enrolled him in the Brideun School for Exceptional Children in nearby Broomfield. Marlo Payne Rice, the school's director, said Justin did fine for a while, but in November began refusing to do any work, threw temper tantrums, kicked hole in a school wall and confessed to a social worker that he did not want to live anymore.

On Nov. 18, he told a psychiatric evaluator at St. Anthony Hospital North, where his mother took him after she she found him with an empty Motrin bottle, that he wanted "to be someone else," according to records provided Ms. Chapman.

The hospital found no harmful effects from the Motrin (Justin later said he had taken only one pill) and sent the to Devereux Cleo Wallace, a treatment center for emotionally disturbed children. The Department of Human Services in Broomfield County took temporary custody of Justin and charged his mother with neglect.

In court documents provided to The Times by Ms. Chapman, the department alleged that she had repeatedly interfered with Justin's psychiatric care, tried to take him from the hospital, failed to supervise him properly and means of a rigorous speaking and travel schedule in order to display her child's intelligence has produced an identifiable and substantial impairment of the child's functioning or development."

A trial on the neglect charge is scheduled for the middle of this month.

Justin's mother said her son spoke at only seven conferences in 19 months and enjoyed doing it. She said she tried to remove him from the hospital because she was concerned about the drugs the doctors wanted to prescribe.

Ms. Chapman, who had steadfastly maintained that Justin's test scores were legitimate, said she decided to tell the truth in hopes it would help her regain her son, who was placed with a foster family in late December.

She added that she also hoped to recover the trust of the experts on highly gifted children who gave her and her son emotional support and found financial sponsors for them. Some children who become known as profoundly gifted receive speaking fees and monetary support from organizations or individuals.

Among those who trusted her, Ms. Chapman said, was Dr. Linda Silverman, a psychologist and the director of the Center for Gifted Development in Denver, who had administered the Stanford Binet test to Justin two years ago.

Dr. Silverman, who has spoken publicly about Justin, uses a controversial form of the Stanford Binet test that some experts believe produces inflated scores.

"He's way beyond genius," Dr. Silverman had told one newspaper. "He's probably unique in the world."

Ms. Chapman said Dr. Silverman gave Justin the test in good faith and knew nothing about his preparation. She said that Dr. Silverman asked if Justin had been coached and that she told the psychologist he had not.

Dr. Silverman "has been nothing but supportive of us and wanted to help in any way possible," Ms. Chapman said. "She loves Justin like a grandmother."

Ms. Chapman said she had apologized to Dr. Silverman and had informed the human services department about falsified scores.

Contacted by The Times, Dr. Silverman, who is scheduled to testify in the case, declined to comment.

Ms. Chapman, a 29-year-old single mother, who had largely home- schooled Justin, said she was only trying to do what she thought was best for her son.

"I love Justin very much and I want him to be home and to be able to help him," she said. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone in doing this."

"I'm just sorry I didn't speak up sooner," she added.

Ms. Chapman said Justin never took the SAT's. Instead, she scanned the score report sent to a former neighbor's into a computer and substituted Justin's name. When Justin, at 3, was given the Wechsler Preschool and Primary Scale of Intelligence-Revised, he completed only 2 of the test's 13 subtests. Ms. Chapman said she later filled in rest.

Ms. Chapman also said that a month or so before taking the Stanford Binet, Justin found a copy of the manual in the University of Rochester library and memorized the answers.

She denied coaching Justin. But she said she did tell him: "When you take the test, make sure you don't say the full answers and make some mistakes."

Ms. Chapman said that although she lied about the records, Justin demonstrated his own abilities in his college and high school work and in the syndicated column he wrote, called The Justin Report.

"The problem is that it's hurting Justin because he is still a really gifted boy," she said.

"I know what I did is wrong, but what social services is doing now by treating him like an average 8-year-old is also harmful," Ms. Chapman said.

Efforts to find objective evidence of Justin's greatly accelerated abilities were unsuccessful. Most of his exchanges with teachers and mentors took place by way of e-mail. And much of his classwork was completed on the Internet.

Justin did take courses as a non- matriculating student at the University of Rochester during the spring and fall of 2000 and the spring of 2001, said Robert Kraus, of the university's public relations office. But in telephone interviews, several of Justin's professors said that they gave only take-home exams in their classes and that their contact with him was largely through e-mail.

Adeline Basil, a school principal who is on the board of Advocacy for the Gifted and Talented, said she heard Justin give a speech about age discrimination in the fall of 2000.

"He was a little kid but very poised and confident," Mrs. Basil said.

Justin used charts and tables to illustrate his talk, she said, and seemed passionate about his subject.

Ms. Chapman said Justin, whom she now sees only in supervised visits of one hour a week, did not like being separated from his best friend, his schoolmates, his room with its blue Harry Potter bedspread and his white cat, Jedi. He did not feel comfortable with his foster family, she said. Ms. Chapman also said she was concerned that he was not receiving the stimulation he needed in the public school he now attended.

She conceded, however, that Justin had been worried about cheating on the I.Q. test. "It was driving him crazy in a sense," she said. "I tried to justify to him that it wasn't cheating because he did the test himself."

[A spokesman for the Broomfield Police Department said on Friday that investigators were looking into Ms. Chapman's actions "to see if a crime had been committed."]

Byron Howell, deputy city and county attorney in Broomfield, said state laws on confidentiality prevented him from commenting on any aspect of the case. The court records of cases involving child abuse or neglect are closed in Colorado.

But in a clinical report from Children's Hospital, where Justin was transferred in November at his mother's request, psychiatric evaluators said Justin "has not either been given a chance or has chosen not to develop his own sense self" and "can no longer meet the expectations that have now become his identity."

The evaluators said Justin was given an I.Q. test at the hospital and scored "in the average range of intellectual functioning." But they noted that he became very upset during the testing, hiding under furniture, throwing toys calling the questions "stupid."

Other experts in child development said the results of intelligence tests given when a child was emotionally upset had little meaning.

In their report, the evaluators at Children's Hospital recommended that Justin's mother undergo a thorough psychiatric evaluation and take parenting classes.

A psychiatric evaluation of Ms. Chapman by a court-appointed psychiatrist, the report of which she provided to Times, said she did not have "any typical type of psychosis."

But it questioned her parental judgment and noted that her "values and belief system are heavily involved with the talented and gifted ideas around her son."

Ms. Chapman said her parents, who live near Rochester and did not respond to a telephone message left at their home, have filed for custody, as has Justin's father, James Maurer.

She said Justin was conceived out of wedlock after she had been dating Mr. Maurer for only a short time. Mr. Maurer, who lives in Raleigh, N.C., confirmed that he had filed for custody, but declined to comment further.

Since the publication of the Rocky Mountain News article, Justin's story has stirred discussion among teachers, parents and experts concerned with the education of highly gifted and talented children. Several experts said they feared that the case might have a negative impact.

"Anybody who works with these children has a sense that these kids are different," said Ms. Rice, the director of the Brideun school.

The circumstances of Justin's case, she said, risked tainting "the whole view of a population of children that have heck of a time getting their needs met anyway." The school enrolls many children who are "twice exceptional," in that they are gifted but also have learning disabilities.

Whatever happens to Justin, his future life is likely to be less centered around intelligence testing. Ms. Chapman said that last week, she told her son what she had done.

"He was so forgiving when I told him the truth," Ms. Chapman said. "He gave me a hug and said, `I understand.'

*

More teens lashing out at parents, study says Adults too lax

Teenagers seem to be punching, kicking, threatening to kill and otherwise abusing their parents in increasing numbers, partly because permissive mothers and fathers are not keeping a tight enough rein on their children, says a new Health Canada study.

Terrified parents should stop treating their offspring as friends and equals and begin to act as the loving authority figures they are supposed to be, says the report by Barbara Cottrell, a Halifax-based researcher.

She also says society has hidden and downplayed "parent abuse," much as wife battering was treated two decades ago, and must begin to shine a spotlight on the phenomenon.

"The abuse usually begins with verbal abuse. For most parents, the abuse is a daily occurrence that follows a pattern, usually with the child showing no signs of remorse or guilt," said the study.

"We have to break the silence that surrounds it. Because parent abuse is still not recognized, it is often considered acceptable behaviour."

The report, submitted to Health Canada earlier this year, is a follow-up on Ms. Cottrell's first examination in 1996, which was based on interviews with more than 100 parents, teenagers and child- welfare experts in Nova Scotia.

To prepare the updated report, which had been requested by the Health Canada, she interviewed another group of parents and social workers.

Many professionals believe parent abuse is increasing, the new study says. But police and shelters keep no statistics on the phenomenon and, outside of the study, there has been little research on the problem, Ms. Cottrell wrote.

Dr. Michael Seto, a psychiatrist at the Toronto-based Centre for Addiction and Mental Health whose specialities include young offenders, said he did not know much about the subject and could not name an expert who would.

"It's not studied widely," said Dr. Seto.

The report said both boys and girls can be abusive toward their parents, but mothers are more likely to be the victims, perhaps because they are seen as more vulnerable.

The physical abuse can include hitting, slapping, kicking, shoving, breaking things, punching holes in walls, throwing objects or spitting. They can also engage in psychological and emotional "terrorism," which includes threatening to injure, maim or kill their parents, yelling and swearing, and playing mind games.

The report also cited financial abuse, such as outright theft from parents, selling family possessions and demanding their guardians buy items they clearly cannot afford.

Children sometimes lash out at their parents because they have never faced clear rules and guidelines for their behaviour, the study says. The lack of control can leave the teenager fearful, prompting them to misbehave, wrote Ms. Cottrell.

Parents of the baby-boom generation often feel they should treat their children as friends, not as dependents who need their authority and guidance, the study said.

The report recommends that parents set clear limits for their children and enforce them resolutely. When abuse happens, they should consider calling police, which has proven to be an effective deterrent, said Ms. Cottrell.

*

The Reason For White Hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Momma?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

*

A Child's World

Deuteronomy 6:6

A Child's World

Read: Deuteronomy 6:6-25

The words which I testify among you today, . . . command your children to be careful to observe. --Deuteronomy 32:46

A popular pizza restaurant that caters to children advertises itself as "a place where a kid can be a kid." Actually, a child should be able to be a child anywhere.

But creating a child's world goes beyond letting a kid be a kid. Parents must understand their responsibilities in guiding that child. And for that we need to look at what the Bible says about parenting:

* Parents must teach God's truth (Dt. 4:9; 32:46).

* Parents must lovingly discipline children because they are immature and need guidance (Prov. 22:15; 29:15).

* Parents should not exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4).

* Parents' wise decisions bring blessing to their children (Dt. 30:19-20).

* Parents who are godly teach their children to obey (Eph. 6:1; 1 Tim. 3:4).

* Parents who faithfully train their children can be confident that their efforts are not in vain (Prov. 22:6).

Above all, to create a child's world, your home needs to be a place where you serve one another through God's love (Gal. 5:13). And it doesn't hurt to have some pizza now and then too! --JDB

O speak the truth to these your precious ones--

For guidance tell your daughters and your sons

Of One who loves them even more than you,

Who wants to be their guide a lifetime through. --Anon.

A parent's greatest responsibility is to point the way to God.

(untitled)

I must say that the biggest lesson you can learn in life, or teach your children, is that life is not castles in the skies, happily ever after. The biggest lesson we have to give our children is truth. And that's what I'm saying: That we're all built with illusions. And they break.

-Goldie Hawn

Children are influenced more by our character than our accomplishments.

Children may not inherit their parents talents, but they will absorbe their values.

(untitled)

DESATERO RODIÈOVSKÝCH PØIKÁZÁNÍ

1. Nauète je èíst a používat Boží slovo - Bibli (5. Mojžíšova 6:6-9)

2. Uète je rozlišovat, co je zlé a co dobré. (1. Královská 1:6)

3. Hleïte na nì jako na dar Boží a ne na svoje vlastnictví. (Žalmy 127:3)

4. Usmìròujte je a ukazujte jim Boží cestu. (Pøísloví 22:6)

5. Napomínejte je - uète je disciplínì. (Pøísloví 29:17)

6. Milujete je bezpodmíneènì a obìtavì. (Lukáš 15:11-32)

7. Neprovokujte je k hnìvu. (Efezským 6:4)

8. Získejte si jejich úctu dobrým pøíkladem. (1. Timoteovi 3:4)

9. Starejte se o jejich tìlesné potøeby. (1. Timoteovi 5:8)

10. Pøedejte jim svoji víru. (2. Timoteovi 1:5)

Zítøejší charakter vašich dìtí závisí na tom, co je nauèíte dnes.

- Chléb náš vezdejší, 1989 -

(untitled)

PRIORITIES

(FAMILY)

Dear Heavenly Father, can you forgive me for hurting my children?

I came from a poor background so I thought that a big house would make my children feel important. I didn't realize that all it takes is my love.

I thought money would bring them happiness, but all it did was make them think that things were more important than people.

I thought spanking them would make them tough so that they could defend themselves. All it did was stop me from seeking wisdom so that I could discipline and teach them.

I thought that leaving them alone would make them independent. All it did was force my one son to be the father to my second son.

I thought that by smoothing over all of the family problems I was keeping peace. All I was teaching them was to run rather than lead.

I thought that by pretending to be the perfect family in public that I was bringing them respectability. All I was teaching them was to live a lie and keep the secret.

I thought that all I had to do to be a father was make money, stay at home and supply all their material needs. All I taught them was that there is more to being a dad. The problem is they will have to guess what being a dad really is.

And Dear God,

I hope you can read this prayer. My tears have smudged a lot of words.

Stories From The Heart

Alice Gray, Multnomah, p. 172.

(untitled)

Ida and David both wanted all their sons to graduate from college. They knew their boys would have to pay their own way since David never made more than $150 a month. Still, they encouraged their sons to achieve all they could. Arthur, however, went directly from high school to a job. Edgar began studying law. When Dwight graduated he didn't have a goal in mind, so he and Ed made a pact: Dwight would work two years while Ed studied, sending Ed as much as he could, and then they would reverse the arrangement. While working Dwight found an opportunity that appealed to him more than college - West Point.

Both Ida and David were crushed by Dwight's decision. Ida was deeply convinced that soldiering was wicked. Still, all she ever said to him was, "It is your choice." David also remained silent, allowing his adult son full freedom to forge his own future.

Yes, Ida and David wisely held their tongues - but they never withheld their applause, especially on the day their son, General Dwight Eisenhower, became President of the United States of America.

From God's Little Devotional Book

Wanted: Deliberately Christian Parents

While I was in college I served on several church staffs in short-term positions. One of the things that continually bothered me is the lack of overt Christian conviction so many parents showed in respect to how they raise their children. These weren't just the halfhearted church “members” who show up only for special holidays and controversial church conferences. Many of them were committed members of the church, even spiritual leaders. They served as deacons, Sunday School teachers and committee chairpersons. They sang in the choir. They prayed publicly in worship services. They probably had daily devotions. Unfortunately, too many of them did not actively minister to their children.

I have often reflected on reasons why so many of these parents could be open about their faith at church, yet do little or nothing when it came to actively teaching their children about the Christian faith. There are probably several reasons, but I think one looms above all the rest. These parents had abdicated their role as the shepherds of their children's hearts. This is partly because pastors have failed to teach their people what it means to be a Christian parent.

I doubt this relinquishing was a deliberate act for most of these parents. The majority of them no doubt desired to be godly parents and raise godly children. Unfortunately, when it came to practice, the spiritual nurture of their children ultimately became the job of the church. There were Sunday School classes where the kids could memorize Scripture and learn about God. There were children's choirs where the kids could sing songs to God. There were children's ministries where the kids could have fun in a Christian atmosphere under Christian supervision. There were of course Vacation Bible Schools where the kids could have Christian-oriented summer activities.

Each of these things are good and useful ministries in many local churches. The problem is these ministries are meant to be supplementary to what parents do within their homes. They were never supposed to take the place of Christian parents teaching and training and loving and praying their children into the Kingdom of God themselves. I fear that too few parents today have the privilege of leading their children to faith in Christ. That has become the job of church camps, VBS teachers and pastors.

Of course, many children do not have Christian parents or guardians. To many of these children, the only Gospel they will ever hear comes from a Sunday School teacher or VBS worker. Unfortunately, this scenario is far too common in homes where one or both parents are Christians, and often “committed” ones at that. The church is doing what God ordained Christian parents to do; nurturing their children in the faith.

Our churches need more parents who will strive to be deliberately Christian in the way in which they raise their children. This doesn't just mean raising their children in a home where Christian values abound, though that is critically important. It means actually parenting in such a way as to seek to lead your lost children to saving faith in Jesus Christ, then actively helping them to grow in that faith.

The good news is, there are some encouraging trends in evangelicalism that just might help bring about a needed reformation in Christian parenting. First there is homeschooling. While not for every family, many a parent has realized that homeschooling provides a natural atmosphere where they can actively evangelize and disciple their children. The teaching parent, normally the mother, spends quality time with their children every day. Many homeschooling curricula are Christ- centered, making it easier to talk to children about spiritual things. By all indications, homeschooling is only going to become more popular as time goes on.

Many families have family devotions, where they regularly gather together to read the Bible together and discuss what they find. They pray together as a family, and many also sing hymns of praise together. This can be scary for many parents because it means somebody (ideally the father) has to actually teach their family what specific Bible passages mean. Fortunately, there are many resources available for the parent who is somewhat intimidated about leading their family in formal devotions. Many Christian bookstores carry a variety of helps for the parent interested in leading family devotions. It is wonderful that so many families are realizing that worship is not just for the church, but for the household as well.

One of the most exciting trends is the rediscovery of catechisms by many young Baptist parents. A catechism is a series of questions and answers dealing with basic Christian doctrine. The children (and their parents) memorize specific theological questions and the corresponding answers. Oftentimes the relevant Scripture passages are memorized along with the specific question and answer. Catechizing children teaches them from an early age who God is, what Jesus Christ has done on behalf of his people, and what we can do to be reconciled to God. This sounds very countercultural to many people, but it should be noted that the Baptist Sunday School Board (now LifeWay Christian Resources) was printing catechisms as late as the 1950s.

A highly-recommended Baptist catechism is available online from Desiring God ministries at http://www.desiringgod.org/library/what_we_believe~ /catechism.html. Catechisms are not a new thing, but a rediscovery by contemporary Baptists of a practice that has a rich heritage in the Baptist tradition and the church universal.

These are just a few of the things that God is doing to build stronger families. As our culture becomes increasingly decadent, the time is now for parents to raise their children under the lordship of Jesus Christ. If we do not, we may well lose them. We cannot count on our local churches to do what God has called believing fathers and mothers to do.

My wife and I do not have children yet, but we hope to one day in the not-to-distant future. We pray often for our future children even now, and we look forward to the challenges and rewards that come from being deliberately Christian parents.

_____________

Finn is a student at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky.

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Why Parents Have Gray Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put-out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "Me."

*

Taxi Driver's Passenger Is His Long-Lost Son

Friday August 10 9:52 AM ET

Taxi Driver's Passenger Is His Long-Lost Son

LONDON (Reuters) - A taxi driver has found the son he last saw 34 years ago -- as a fare in the back of his cab.

The chance reunion came when Barry Bagshaw, 61, picked up a fare at a motel near Brighton in southern England.

A short time into the journey, the woman accompanying the man in the back spotted the driver's identity badge and noticed he had the same surname as her boyfriend.

"The blood just drained out of me when he said `I'm your son'," Barry told BBC radio. ``I didn't recognize him at first. It certainly won't be another 34 years before I see him again."

His son Colin, 39, a chef, who was about to leave the area for good, had thought his father was dead -- even though they found they lived just streets apart.

Barry, who has another son and a daughter, lost touch with his children when his marriage broke down while he was serving in the army in Hong Kong.

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/htx/nm/20010810/od/taxidriver_dc_2.html

Montreal Mom To Get Psychiatric Examination After Handicapped Daughter Dies

Acts 7:19

A woman described by a neighbour as a "devoted" mother was ordered Wednesday to undergo a psychiatric exam to determine if she's fit to be tried on a charge of first-degree murder in the death of her handicapped daughter. Seated at the end of a row of burly, shaven-headed defendants in the prisoner's dock at arraignment court, Rachel Capra Craig looked deeply sad and drawn as lawyers discussed her case.

The 46-year-old Craig, who wore a red sweater and sat with her hands manacled in front of her, entered no plea and will return to court on April 4. She often averted her eyes to the floor.

Craig is accused of killing her daughter Chelsea, 14, on Monday.

Police said the teen, who suffered from Rett's syndrome, died after consuming a "poison cocktail" and that the mother had ingested the same drink. She was treated in hospital and released to police.

Unlike with the other prisoners, the attitude of the court seemed to soften when the tiny, dark-haired Craig stood to face the proceeding and Quebec court Judge Michele Toupin gently told her to sit.

It was not the only place protectiveness was being shown to Craig and her family.

Administrators at Chelsea's school didn't want photographs taken of a poster in the building's entrance expressing sympathy for the girl's death and didn't want students interviewed.

"We don't want you talking to our kids," said one school official as youngsters stood nearby.

Neighbours were equally protective, telling reporters to go find out why the parents of handicapped children don't get more help.

One neighbour who spoke on condition of anonymity described a loving family dealing with the challenges of having a daughter with a debilitating genetic disease.

"She couldn't communicate," the elderly man said of Chelsea. "She was badly handicapped. She wasn't able to look after herself. She had to be fed so it was a real chore to look after her."

The man, who said he spoke frequently to Rachel Craig, described her as "a very nice lady and very devoted to the child."

He said he used to see Chelsea being picked up by the school bus and he had the family as guests at his summer cottage last year.

"They were always nice to talk to but as far as I know they didn't entertain or go out very much."

Chelsea didn't play with other children.

"She was very shy," he said. "They had a trampoline there and her father used to swing her back and forth on the swing there."

The man said he never got any sense that the family was overwhelmed or that something was wrong.

"The mother was very protective and I guess the child needed that," he recalled. "Any time you saw them the child was sort of clinging to the mother although she could walk by herself.

"This was such a shock. I first realized something was wrong when I happened to look out the upstairs window and I saw a truck out there with flashing lights."

Helene Rumak, a spokeswoman for a Quebec group that advocates the rights of the disabled, said parents with disabled children face a lack of services or badly co-ordinated services.

"We have to think about what kind of society we want," said Rumak, spokeswoman for Handicap Vie-Dignite she said.

Dick Sobsey, who trains teachers to work with disabled children, has spent the last 15 years tracking cases of handicapped children who have died in their parents' care.

There have been about 50 such cases in Canada since the 1970s, said Sobsey, who teaches educational psychology at the University of Alberta in Edmonton.

"In many cases, these do not get to court," he said Wednesday.

Sobsey said parents or caregivers who are prosecuted can receive light sentences.

"There's kind of sympathy for someone who says, 'I was under terrible stress and I wasn't getting the support I need.' Often people are allowed to plead guilty to a lesser charge."

Craig's husband James and two other relatives sat in the spectators' section of the courtroom on Wednesday and would not comment when chased through courthouse corridors by media as they left.

Her lawyer Marc David would not make any comment, only saying that a decision on a plea would be made after the evaluation at a Montreal psychiatric hospital.

Irish teachers urged to drop "Mummy and Daddy"

DUBLIN, Ireland (Reuters) - The Roman Catholic Church in Ireland has urged teachers to drop "Mummy and Daddy" from their classroom vocabulary to recognize the growing number of one-parent families, the Irish Independent newspaper said Friday.

Instead, teachers should use phrases such as "the adults who live in your house" or "the people who look after you," the paper said.

The language was part of the Church's new Irish religious education program for four- to five-year-olds which was launched in Belfast, Northern Ireland, Thursday.

"Whereas in the past a family had a Mummy and a Daddy, now we don't say those kind of things," the paper quoted one of the organizers of the campaign as saying.

^REUTERS@

No Business Re-creating

Ephesians 2:10

Aunt Betty's wedding ring had been in the family for three generations - and it's been passed down to my wife Karen. There's probably no piece of jewelry that she treasures more. But she couldn't wear it because Aunt Betty's ring size was a lot larger than Karen's little fingers. Karen identified a jeweler whose craftsmanship she trusted, and she entrusted this heirloom to him to be downsized. To be honest, she was a little nervous leaving it with anyone, but she did commit it to this jeweler. When he called that the ring was ready, Karen could hardly wait to see what he had done with it. Well, the diamonds were intact, the ring looked the same - but it fit her perfectly. He didn't make it into a necklace or a pendant; he didn't change the setting of the stones ... of course not. He took what Karen entrusted to him and made it better.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "No Business Re-Creating."

A jeweler shouldn't try to re-create a piece of jewelry into something else when the one who trusted it to him just wanted him to enhance what it already was. We understand that about jewelry - but often we don't seem to understand that about the child that God has entrusted to us. God gave them to us to enhance what He made them to be - we keep trying to make them into something else!

The problem is, a lot of parents didn't get the child they wanted. You wanted an athlete and you got a scholar ... you wanted a musician and you got a mechanic ... you wanted a quiet one and you got a loud one ... you wanted a loud one and you got a quiet one - the list goes on and on. So maybe you didn't get the child you wanted - but you got the one God wanted!

You got what is described in our word for today from the Word of God in Ephesians 2:10. In fact, you could put the name of your child, or each of your children, right in this verse. It says, "We are God's workmanship" - if you'd like, put the name of a child of yours right there at the beginning - "__________ is God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" - or "for ___________ to do."

Your business is to step back and recognize the unique person God made when He made your son or daughter - with all their personal strengths, with all their great qualities, and with all the limitations and weaknesses He gave them, too. Then your job is to hold up a mirror regularly for them and let them see the incredible person God made when He made them. Affirm who God made them to be, praise them, compliment them - even when you need to correct him, do it in the context of affirming who he is.

A mom came to me recently, concerned about the offbeat sense of humor her 8-year-old son has. Actually, she asked me if I was like that at that age. I'm still not sure what that was all about, but he seems like an anomaly in a family that is otherwise fairly serious. But I encouraged her to fan the flame of his sense of humor - it is something God can use mightily to open doors and hearts her son's whole life. Our son used to frustrate us when he would come to us with a whole itinerary he had planned out meticulously for him and his friends - only asking us after everything was already set. We needed to correct that a little, but I'm glad we didn't put out the flame of a budding planner. God is using those same abilities mightily right now in a trailblazing ministry!

So remember - God didn't trust the treasure of that child to you to reshape him into what you want him or her to be. God gave you that child for you to develop and enhance the person He made them to be. Don't try to re-create the workmanship God has created!

________________

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Living Proof

Romans 8:31

Our daughter, Lisa, is all grown up and married, and even a mom. But the other day she told me about the Bible verse she learned as a little girl and never forgot: "If God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) Then she told me why she never forgot it. One day when she was pretty young I had brought her to my office, and at lunchtime, we walked downtown to get something to eat. And, as Lisa remembers very vividly, we passed this storefront that must have been a fortune teller's place. There was a picture of a big human palm in the window, signifying that the occupant did palm reading. Lisa tells me that I explained to her what that all meant - and that night she got to thinking about it. And really she was too scared to go to sleep. At which point she says I knelt next to her bed and I gave her a word for today from the Word of God: "If God be for us, who can be against us?" She went to sleep repeating those words. She never forgot them, and she hung onto them many times in the years to come.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "Living Proof."

Lisa said to me, "Dad, you know why that Bible verse became part of me? Because it was linked to a real experience." There's nothing new about that. That's how God's been telling parents to make God real to their children for 3,000 years.

Our word for today from the Word of God is Deuteronomy 6:5-7 - instructions for parents who are trying to raise children in a morally confusing, increasingly pagan culture. That was the situation in the time this statement was written. It's the situation today. And God's parenting strategy? Oh, it's still the same, too.

Here's what it says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Notice here that God says that you should be showing your children a love-relationship with Him, not just a religion. He goes on: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children." OK, impress your son or daughter with them - don't just tell them about it. How do you do that? Here's what it says, "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road ,and when you lie down and when you get up."

God says show them your Lord and His ways, not just in formal spiritual settings, but in the casual classroom of everyday life. This is spontaneous stuff, not pre-planned. It's teaching that looks for and prays for teachable moments to arise in a child's life, and then gently introduces God's statement into that situation. When a verse is a response to a real-life experience, and when your child can use it to handle that experience, that verse is part of them! They have just experienced living proof that God and His Word are the real deal.

It's a basic principle of learning that we learn what we live. And that we don't really learn something until we're in a situation where we really need it. Just before the Gulf War, I heard a soldier admit that most of them had paid little attention when chemical warfare was talked about in basic training - but that now when it was covered, they were taking noted and listening intently! Why? Because suddenly, they were in a situation where they would need that information.

So God advises parents to communicate His truth in real-life situations ... sitting at home, walking or driving somewhere together, when you're getting up, when you're wrapping up the day. It's those spontaneous lessons - responses to things that happen in the course of a day - that are not ever forgotten.

So look for, pray for those wonderful, teachable moments in the life of your child. And let the daily experiences of your child's life be the blackboard on which you write the powerful words of God.

________________

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A Parent's Hardest Job

Genesis 2:24

One of my daughter's favorite books as a little girl was "Misty of Chincoteague." Now, Chincoteague is an island off the eastern shore of Virginia, and it's best known for its beautiful, wild, white ponies, like Misty. At one point in the book, Misty and her mother, Phantom, are in a horse pen on this farm. And the two children who live there are distressed because they see Phantom kicking her colt Misty. They yell at her to stop. Well, enter Grandma, with the wisdom of the years. She says to the children, "Kids, Phantom isn't trying to hurt her foal. She's actually loving her in the hardest way there is. She knows the time has come for Misty to be on her own, and she's trying to get her ready for it." That's pretty good horse sense, huh?

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "A Parent's Hardest Job."

It's always good to know your goal - if you're flying an airplane, if you're running with a football, if you're raising a child. And a parent's ultimate objective is described to the first parents, Adam and Eve, in our word for today from the Word of God, Genesis 2:24. Now, talking about the concept of family that He has just created, here's what God says: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother (did you get that? Leave his father and mother) and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

There's that hard word, "leave." Ultimately, your son or daughter is supposed to leave you. Which tells us that our children are not ours to keep. And our mission from God: to prepare our children to leave us - to live without us, not to make them tied to us, always dependent on us. Apparently, horses know they have to do it. Although I'm not sure you should employ the same method like Misty's mom did, like kicking your child! I think you should have the same goal.

This process of preparing our children to live without us actually starts very young. You don't come every time they cry or call. You don't solve every problem for them. You teach them how to solve that kind of problem; you teach them a problem-solving process. You don't give them an endless supply of money - you give them ways to earn money and then you show them how to plan their spending. And when they're out, they're out - just like you and me, huh?

As your children grow older, you don't make every decision. You teach them how to make it; how to evaluate the plusses and minuses; you give them good questions to ask - and you let them make some mistakes. Getting a child ready to stand on his or her own means giving something better than a rule for every occasion, which, of course, is impossible. You teach them a personal set of principles that will cover every moral choice in life. You don't just load them up with right answers - you teach them how to ask good questions. A second-hand faith will never survive. You need to help them find their own first-hand, personal relationship with Jesus Christ in their own way.

Everything in us as parents wants to protect them from every hurt or every mistake ... we want to hold on, something to tie our identity to theirs. But that's not how our Creator meant for it to be. We are assigned by God to nudge our children slowly but surely toward the gate of personal responsibility by giving them greater and greater opportunities to exercise it. If you carry out your divine assignment well, your son or daughter will one day rise up and call you "blessed" because you succeeded in a parent's hardest and most important job - you loved them enough to get them ready to leave.

________________

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Teen couple details abuse

SHELTON, Conn. (AP) - A teen-age couple say they've become the target of abuse ever since their parents announced they were getting married, making them stepbrother and stepsister.

It was love at first sight for Jesse Murcko, 17, and Kati Bungert, 15, who have been dating since May 2000. The connection was just a strong when Bungert's mother, Joanne Brown, met Brian Murcko a month later.

Life for the teens has been troubled after word got out in January that Brown and Brian Murcko planned to wed.

One student threatened to shoot Jesse Murcko, and another assaulted Bungert in a school hallway, Brown said.

Police arrested Kevin Giardini, 16, in April on charges of threatening to shoot Jesse Murcko in March.

Brown said harassment in Shelton schools prompted her and Brian Murcko to remove their children from the public high school and home school them.

School board Chairman Joseph Pagliaro Jr. said lawyers for the Board of Education are reviewing the transfer request.

Mayor Mark A. Lauretti said he has met with Brown to talk about the situation, but he has little control over the school board.

"Society has their own mind on what's OK and what isn't," Brown said. "We're dealing with it as a family."

"It's obviously different from most situations, but that doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing or a good thing," said Alice Colonna, child psychoanalyst at the Yale Child Study Center. "These parents, if they get along, shouldn't be stopped just because the kids are dating."

Drug abuse biggest problem facing kids, poll finds

02:17 PM ET 12/08/97

Drug abuse biggest problem facing kids, poll finds

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - People think drug abuse is the biggest single problem facing American children today, according to a survey published on Monday.

The survey, commissioned by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health, found that despite dramatic media coverage of incidents of child abuse, most Americans do not think it is an overwhelming threat.

"Three issues dominate the public's concern about the future of children in this country -- drugs, crime and home life breakdown," said Robert Blendon of Harvard University, who directed the study. "Almost every other concern about the problems facing children has been overwhelmed by these issues."

Asked what the two or three most serious problems facing American children today were, 56 percent said drugs or drug abuse, 24 percent said crime, 17 percent said poor quality education and 16.6 percent the breakdown of home life.

Only 1.2 percent said child abuse and 0.2 percent said sexual abuse were the most serious problems,

"These numbers contrast dramatically with what was reported by a Harris survey in 1986, when drugs were mentioned 52 percent of the time, home life 46 percent, child and sexual abuse 28 percent, poor quality education nine percent and alcohol abuse nine percent," the foundation, a health care charity, said in a statement.

AIDS and drugs were the top health problems named by the 1,500 adults surveyed for the poll.

Most thought American children were better off or about the same in terms of health than 10 years ago, but 53 percent thought they were worse off when it came to parental care and attention.

The survey of adults nationwide, conducted by Survey Research Center for Harvard, found most believe children's health is the responsibility of parents, but 60 percent said they would personally be willing to pay more taxes to provide health insurance for children who lack it.

^REUTERS@

Palestinians & the Incomprehensible: Pushing Children To Their Deaths

Daniel Pipes PHILADELPHIA (BP)--Hours after the killing of 15 Israelis in a Jerusalem restaurant on Aug. 9, the brother of the 23-year-old suicide bomber delightedly announced that "This is a unique operation for its quality and success. ... Palestinians everywhere can now hold up their heads."

Likewise, after a 22-year-old suicide bomber two months earlier killed 21 Israelis at a Tel Aviv discotheque, his father announced, "I am very happy and proud of what my son did and, frankly, am a bit jealous. ... I wish I had done it myself."

And so it has been with nearly all suicide operations -- family members rejoicing at the "martyrdom" of their brothers and children. Some fathers even publicly announce a hope that their children will kill Israelis in suicide operations.

Puzzled by this apparent denial of the primal human urge to protect one's young, President Bush has commented, "I just can't understand this." He is hardly alone.

Two main factors account for this bizarre behavior. The first concerns the Palestinian Authority drumming into impressionable youth the glory of suicidal death while killing Israelis.

PA television harps constantly on this message. On the "Children's Club" (a "Sesame Street"-like children's program), a young boy sings, "When I wander into Jerusalem, I will become a suicide bomber." A repeatedly shown television clip calls on children to "Drop your toys. Pick up rocks." In another, the words to a children's song go: "How pleasant is the smell of martyrs, how pleasant the smell of land, the land enriched by the blood, the blood pouring out of a fresh body."

Ikrima Sabri, the PA's ranking religious leader, has said, "The younger the martyr, the greater and the more I respect him," while praising mothers who "willingly sacrifice their offspring for the sake of freedom." PA schools indoctrinate students on the virtues and joys of martyrdom, then honor and celebrate suicide killers. Four summer camps are currently training 8-to-12-year-olds for suicide bombings.

Organizations like Hamas promise to look after the financial needs of the killers' families.

In all, notes Meyrav Wurmser, a Hudson Institute specialist on the indoctrination of students, the PA has developed "a state-run ideology that pushes [children] to their death."

The second factor explains why this indoctrination works and why Palestinian families enthusiastically send their children to die. What pressure could overcome the human instinct to protect one's beloved?

That pressure is not hard to locate, for it pervades Middle Eastern life. It is an unrelenting, compulsive preoccupation with family honor. The power of this obligation goes far beyond anything Westerners encounter.

The fixation on family honor takes two main forms. The negative one, called "'ird" in Arabic, concerns the sexual purity of women and it accounts for the Middle Eastern custom of murdering female relatives for perceived offenses to the family. Such honor killings are intended to purify the family from its shame; thus do brothers kill sisters, cousins kill cousins, fathers kill daughters and even sons kill mothers.

These men do so not because they want to -- almost nothing could be more horrifying in the context of the tight-knit Middle Eastern family -- but because they feel obliged to. Allowing a dishonored woman to remain alive brings ridicule and disdain on the entire family. In such circumstances, mere love for a daughter or sister dwindles into insignificance; she must be killed.

Thus, after an Egyptian father strangled his unmarried but pregnant daughter, cut her corpse in eight parts, and threw those down the toilet, he explained his reasons: "Shame kept following me [before the murder] wherever I went. The village's people had no mercy on me. They were making jokes and mocking me. I couldn't bear it and decided to put an end to this."

The positive form of honor ("sharaf" in Arabic) involves efforts to enhance the family's status by taking steps to win it praise and renown; and nothing can win a family as much glory as its willing sacrifice of a family member for a noble cause. Thanks to PA propaganda, suicide bombing has become a highly honored act. Thus, the Tel Aviv bomber's father crowed about his son, "He has become a hero! Tell me, what more could a father ask?"

Combined, the monstrous social environment created by the Palestinian Authority and the families' preoccupation with social status goes far to explain why Palestinians glory in the destruction of their youth.

--30--

Pipes, director of the Philadelphia-based Middle East Forum, is author of numerous books on the troubled region. His website is DanielPipes.org.

Each Child Is Custom-designed

Luke 2:41

The year was 1809. Jedidiah, a middle-aged pastor, shut his eyes tightly to keep his son from seeing them roll. Once again, 18-year-old Samuel was pleading to be allowed to study art at the university. Jedidiah had tried to explain to Samuel that he would probably never make a living as a painter. He would get no respect. How could that be his choice when he could do so much more with his life? He had so hoped that Samuel would become a member of the clergy, following in his footsteps.

But then Samuel, with pleading eyes and a solemn tone explained, "I was made for a painter." That did it. Jedidiah realized then that there was indeed a calling on Samuel's life, even as he knew there was on his very own. As a clergyman, Jedidiah supported the doctrine of Calvinism, believing that Christianity was intended to effect a positive change in all of society.

With this in mind, he had completed the first comprehensive geography of North America in 1796. After all, how could anyone share the gospel of Christ across the New World unless they knew where they were going? Jedidiah believed he had been born to spread Christianity. Samuel's calling may have been different from his, but it was quite the same in its undeniable urgency. Jedidiah felt a new kinship with his son, and he sent him to the university to study art with his blessing.

Ah, what a gift to be made for a painter! It's incredible to see the genius that explodes on a blank piece of canvas when a true artist holds the brush. Sometimes I think that we see our children as blank canvases on which we can paint a glorified picture of what we want them to be or what we wish we could have been. The truth is that children aren't blank canvases.

They arrive with certain talents and abilities and personalities, custom-designed by the Creator. Our job as parents is to train up a child in the way he should go. Yes, there is a certain amount of painting to be done on our part. There are plenty of blanks to fill in. The story of Jedidiah and Samuel, however, reminds me that it is all too easy to try to make our children be something they are not.

While our job as parents certainly includes the role of teacher, at the same time it is vital that we ourselves become students. We must study our children so that we can point them in the direction of their talents, natural gifts and abilities -- their strong suits. It's also important to take note of their weaknesses so that we can help them in those areas, lifting them up to God in prayer. A friend once shared with me that he had been praying for God to show him his children's weaknesses. He said wryly that in doing so, God had also shown him his own. The same goes for me. Often the things I notice as trouble spots for my children are things I struggle with myself.

So we are not only parents and teachers but also detectives. Just how do you break your child's code and understand how God shaped her and how you can direct her in the way she should go?

-- Encourage interests. A child that is talented in music should definitely be encouraged in that direction. Does your toddler love to bang pots and pans together? Put on some music and let him have his own concert! Does he love to draw? Keep him well stocked with paper and other art supplies. See what he enjoys and go from there.

-- Understand differences. The Lord often pairs an outgoing mother with a shy child (and vice versa). Encourage that child with some behind-the-scenes roles, and watch her shine as you assure her of her value and importance.

-- Get ready to be surprised. Children are constantly growing and changing. Don't be too quick to put your child into a categorical box. They will develop new talents, God will reveal timely gifts and attributes, and they will acquire additional interests as they experience life.

Parenting is all about surprises. Can you imagine the surprise of Mary and Joseph upon finding their 12-year-old son Jesus in the temple among the religious teachers? If you recall the story in Luke 2:41-52, Mary and Joseph had gone to Jerusalem for the Passover. They have been traveling home for a day when they realized that Jesus was not with their group of relatives and friends. Jesus -- obedient, never-any-trouble-out-of-this-kid Jesus -- is not where he is supposed to be. They find him "in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions" (Luke 2:46). Sometimes perhaps we are surprised that our children's gifts and talents, their strengths and weaknesses, reveal themselves before we are ready for it to happen.

Then again, there is a blessing all its own in that of a "late bloomer." Jedidiah's son, Samuel, used the creative intellect that was constantly spilling over his canvases to develop the first successful electric telegraph in the United States. He was Samuel F.B. Morse -- artist first, inventor second -- known by all as the genius behind the Morse Code. His invention made it possible to send messages to all the places on his minister/geographer father's maps.

His first message? "What hath God wrought" (Numbers 23:23 KJV), which is translated in my NIV Bible as "See what God has done!"

As you go about breaking the code today, remember the One who invented your child will be your best resource for deciphering her.

___________________

Powell is the author of the devotional book "Baby Boot Camp: Surviving the First Six Weeks of Motherhood," available by calling toll-free 1-877-421-READ (7323) or on the Internet at www.rebeccapowell.com.

The Cost of Raising A Kid

The government has calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition!

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be “rich.” It is just the opposite.

What do your get for your $160,140?

Naming rights --- first, middle, and last!

Glimpses of God everyday.

Giggles under the covers every night.

More love than your heart can hold.

Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and

skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or

how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.

You get to fingerprint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney Land, and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

Enjoy your children.

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #5959]

Are Parents To Blame When Teens Go Bad?

The first question for many people after young American John Walker Lindh was found fighting with the Taliban in Afghanistan was: What was he doing there? But the next question was: Where were his parents in all of this?

What were they thinking when they bankrolled their son's travels in search of an Islamic ideal, first in Yemen as a 17-year-old and later in Pakistan and Afghanistan as a young adult?

After practically every school shooting or other act of wrongdoing by a teen-ager, the sins of the children are visited on their fathers and mothers in sometimes fiercely critical post-mortems of their parenting.

"People assume that there's a very direct correspondence between what kids do and what their parents did for them or to them," said James Garbarino, who talked with the parents of one of the Columbine High School gunmen for his recent book, "Parents Under Siege." For his part, Garbarino says that parents are not necessarily to blame for what their children do.

In recent weeks, the spotlight has been put on the parents of Charles Bishop, the 15-year-old who crashed a small plane into a Tampa, Fla., high-rise, leaving a suicide note expressing support for Osama bin Laden. Also in the news were the parents of Richard Reid, the 28-year-old accused of trying to detonate explosives in sneakers during a trans-Atlantic flight.

The criticism of Marilyn Walker and Frank Lindh, Lindh's estranged parents, has been scathing, and has been aimed at both their actions and their environment - liberal, wealthy Marin County just north of San Francisco.

There has been speculation that Lindh lost his moorings amid the confusion of his parents' separation and his mother's own spiritual wanderings, which ultimately led her to convert to Buddhism.

It didn't help when his parents said immediately after their son's arrest that he is a "good boy" and that they had supported his pilgrimage to world trouble spots.

Lindh's "road to treason and jihad didn't begin in Afghanistan. It began in Marin County, with parents who never said, 'no,'" columnist Jeff Jacoby wrote in The Boston Globe.

The 20-year-old Lindh, who was captured in November, was charged Tuesday with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens and could get life in prison. The Bush administration decided against a military trial or charges that carry the death penalty.

His parents, after weeks of silence, said through their lawyer that they still love and support their son.

Lindh's parents had paid for his solo trip to Yemen, one of the world's most dangerous places for Westerners, despite misgivings that prompted Marilyn Walker to repeatedly call representatives of the Yemen Language School, seeking assurances that he would be OK.

Lindh repeatedly got in trouble with authorities there. He considered himself a more pious Muslim than most Yemenis, and made illegal attempts to meet with militants, according to those who encountered him.

During a second trip to the Middle East eight months later, he sent an e-mail from Pakistan asking for more money. His father wired him $1,200, and Lindh was off to meet bin Laden. Lindh's parents did not see him again until he appeared on CNN, a wounded and disheveled prisoner.

"Clueless," is one of the milder epithets that has been aimed at Lindh's parents.

The parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the teen-agers who in 1999 killed 12 students and a teacher at Columbine High School and then committed suicide, were similarly criticized. In that case, the criticism was not that the parents were too tolerant, but that they were ignorant - they should have known about their boys' dark fantasies and weapons cache.

Phyllis York, co-founder of Toughlove International, which urges parents to set limits on unruly offspring, said she is not surprised at the criticism. "We live in a culture where parents don't count, yet they're blamed as scapegoats," she said.

Child psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Berger sees fear behind the outrage.

"When a person in an unexpected way does something grotesque, it is terrifying," she said. "Everyone says, 'Lord, there but for the grace go I.' Rather than tussling with that humbling and humanitarian idea, frequently they push that away by asserting - 'This could not possibly be me.'"

Child experts agree: Teens are good at fooling their parents.

Garbarino asked freshmen at Cornell University, presumably a group of high-achievers, if they had hidden anything scary from their parents. They had, everything from suicidal leanings to drug busts.

Berger, author of "Raising Children With Character," would not comment on the Lindh household and said no outsider can deliver a clinical analysis of what is surely a complex situation.

She said she does not absolve parents from all responsibility, but in general, "one cannot work backward from a troubled offspring and assert that the parents zigged when they should have zagged."

*

Hearing Your Child

James 1:19

There was something particularly memorable about Miss America 1995. Like all Miss Americas, Heather Whitestone was beautiful, poised, and talented. But unlike any Miss America before or since, Heather Whitestone was deaf. Not long ago, she was in the news again - and what she said was as impressive to me as anything she did as Miss America. Now Heather Whitestone McCallum, she had a cochlear implant surgically placed in her right hear. She decided to have the operation when her 2-year-old son, John, fell in her back yard. Here's what she told reporters: "I couldn't hear him crying. I need to be the first one to hear him."

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Hearing Your Child."

If you're a mom or dad, you need to hear what the first deaf Miss America said about hearing - that you need to do whatever you have to do to be able to hear your children. Some of us parents whose physical hearing is just fine have often been deaf to what our children may be thinking, or feeling or needing.

That's why James 1:19, our word for today from the Word of God, is an important verse for all of us to whom God has entrusted a child. It may be one of the most disobeyed verses in all the Bible. Here's what it says: "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." Actually, listening, hearing someone out - getting the whole story - is one of the most effective antidotes there is to losing our temper; to dumping our anger on someone we love.

And if anyone needs to be "quick to listen" and "slow to speak," it's a mom or dad. Unfortunately, many parents - and husbands and wives, for that matter - just move the words around a little bit in that verse. "Be slow to listen and quick to speak." And when we live like that, there is no way we can understand the other person, to know what the need is behind their deed, to discern whether love or discipline is needed, and to answer the real question.

That's why the Bible says, "He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame." (Proverbs 18:13) Heather Whitestone has it right - a parent needs to be the first one to hear their child. And it could be that your son or daughter feels that you've been almost deaf to what they're saying and feeling. For a former Miss America, it required surgery to hear her child better. For most of us, it requires some surgery on our attitude or our approach ... or even our priorities.

When your child is talking, give them your focused attention - not the preoccupation that says "I'm either coming from or going to something more important than you." Rearrange your schedule, if necessary, to be there for the times they're most likely to open their heart. Pass the test of listening to all the little stuff - if you flunk the test of the little stuff, they'll never tell you the big stuff. If there's conflict between you, apologize for your part so the wall can come down. Have unstructured times with your child - take them with you as much as possible.

Those unguarded moments are prime time to hear their heart. And when your child is talking to you, don't do the things that make a child stop talking - like expressing shock, giving quick answers, or expressing condemnation, or jumping to conclusions, or later using what they said as a weapon against them.

We all can learn from a Miss America who knew she could no longer be deaf to her child. Do whatever you have to do to hear - to really hear - the child God entrusted to you.

________________

*

Death in Milwaukee: the LORD OF the FLIES for Today

A few weeks ago, Charles Young was beaten to death on the north side of Milwaukee. On the face of it, the murder wasn't particularly noteworthy. It's a rough part of town.

But what captured people's attention were the ages of those charged with the crime. Charles Young was killed by a mob of children as young as age ten.

It all began when a thirteen-year-old boy threw an egg at Young, who chased the boy and punched another one who intervened. Then the hunter became the hunted as a mob of nearly twenty males chased Young, caught him, and beat him with brooms, shovels, and bats. Eerily, none of the boys uttered a word as they went about their grim work.

Among the sixteen boys charged in Young's death was a 10-year-old who is believed to be the youngest person ever to face homicide charges in Wisconsin. At a preliminary hearing, Dennis Cimpl, the court commissioner, asked the question that was on everybody's mind: "Where were the boys' parents?" One parent, the father of the ten-year-old, had no real answer, but told reporters, "Kids will be kids."

An equally important question is, "Who are the parents?" According to the MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL, at least nine of the eleven minors charged in the crime have at least one parent with either a felony conviction or a record of serving time in prison. The rest -- like a boy whose father was stabbed to death outside a methadone clinic -- come from equally unstable homes.

This is what social workers have in mind when they talk about "at-risk children." These boys have grown up in a world devoid of fathers or any other effective adult supervision. Thus we shouldn't be surprised when they reenact a scene from William Golding's LORD OF THE FLIES on the streets of Milwaukee.

It's in stories like these that the need for ministries like Prison Fellowship is most keenly felt. At BreakPoint, for the past decade, we have been telling Christians about the link between family breakdown and crime.

Listeners have learned that the children of offenders are the kids most at risk for drug and alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy, poor school performance, and criminal activity. Eighty-five percent of juveniles arrested for their first serious crime report having a sibling or parent in prison -- a statistic that came into clear focus in Milwaukee.

But Prison Fellowship is doing more than describing the problem. We offer Christians an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of the children of prisoners through Angel Tree Christmas gifts. These gifts let kids know that someone cares.

In addition, they can serve as the beginning of a relationship with these at-risk kids -- a relationship that can lead to forgiveness and eternal life through faith in Christ. Programs like Angel Tree Camping and mentoring can help children keep from following in their parent's footsteps and can break the cycle of crime and despair.

Unfortunately, it's too late for those kids in Milwaukee. But there are other kids who are just as vulnerable -- thousands, hundreds of thousands -- kids who can still be helped before their actions capture people's attention in the worst way imaginable.

Parents Struggle To Teach Kids Morals

Sixty-one percent of parents rate their generation as "fair" or "poor" at raising children, according to a study that shows parents are struggling in instilling values in their kids.

The findings are part of a nationwide survey of parents conducted by Public Agenda, a nonpartisan think tank. The survey found big gaps between parents' efforts to teach good values to their children and their perceived success in doing so.

While 83 percent said it is "absolutely essential" to teach self-control and self-discipline, only 34 percent said they have succeeded in teaching those values.

Ninety-one percent said it is essential to teach honesty, but only 55 percent said they have succeeded in doing so.

The report also found that 53 percent of parents believe they are doing a worse job than their own parents did.

"This study suggests that, despite the efforts parents are making, they're having trouble," said Deborah Wadsworth, the president of Public Agenda. "They have no difficulty laying out a vision of the values they think essential to impart to their child, but succeeding at the job is another matter."

The study, titled "A Lot Easier Said Than Done," was based on telephone interviews conducted between July 31 and Aug. 15 with a random sample of 1,607 parents or guardians of children aged 5 to 17. The margin of sampling error was 3 percentage points.

Quotes On Family, Parenting

John 8:35

"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened, and maintained."

-- Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965), British prime minister

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces."

-- George Santayana

"Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice."

-- Reinhold Niebuhr

"None but a mule denies his family."

-- Anonymous

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

-- Ogden Nash

"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have."

-- Ring Lardner

"He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too."

-- Benjamin Franklin

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven."

-- John Bowring

"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended--and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended."

-- Robert Frost

"Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other."

-- Ed Howe

"I would rather start a family than finish one."

-- Don Marquis

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

-- George Bernard Shaw

“One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community.”

-- Albert Einstein

“What a father says to his children is not heard by the world; but it will be heard by posterity.”

-- Jean Paul Richter

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children one of the greatest of all blessings.”

-- Brian Tracy

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”

-- Josh Billings (Reader’s Digest, March 2002)

"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children."

-- King Edward VIII

". . .churches alone do not and cannot have much influence on children. In fact, the greatest influence a church may have in affecting children is by impacting their parents."

-- George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting, p.xvii

“The Hebrew word for parents is horim, and it comes from the same root as moreh, teacher. The parent is, and remains, the first and most important teacher that the child will ever have.”

-- Rabbi Kassel Abelson, SermonCentral.com

What Love Means To A Child

John 13:1

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4- to 8-year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.”

Rebecca - age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Billy - age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

Karl - age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

Chrissy - age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.”

Terri - age 4

“Love is when my Mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Danny - age 7

“Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

Bobby - age 5

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate.” Nikka - age 6

“There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them.”

Jenny - age 4

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

Noelle - age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

Tommy - age 6

“My Mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”

Clare - Age 5

“Love is when Mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.”

Elaine - age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”

Chris - age 8

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

Mary Ann - age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

Lauren - age 4

“I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.”

Bethany - age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”

Karen - age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.”

Mark - age 6

“You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

Jessica - age 8

*

Will Your Children Go to Heaven?

One congregation found that where both parents were faithful to the Lord, including active interest in the local congregation's programs, 93 percent of the kids remained faithful. On the other hand, if only one of the parents was faithful, that figure dropped to 73 percent.

Where the parents were only what we would call reasonably active in the Lord's work, only 53 percent of the young people maintained their faith.

Now here comes the shocker: In those cases where both parents attended only infrequently, the percentage of their children who remained faithful to the Lord dropped to 6 percent. Want your children to go to heaven? Then make certain you are leading them.

Parents Provoke Their Children When...

1. They are over-protective.

2. They show favoritism toward one of their children.

3. They compare the accomplishments or abilities of their children.

4. They push achievement, aims, and goals, and in so doing, put un-due pressure on their children.

5. They do not reward or encourage their children.

6. They fail to allow childishness; that is, they do not understand that a child is a child, and not an adult.

7. They neglect their children's needs: spiritually, socially, intellectually and physically.

8. They nag their children.

9. They abuse them with hateful, ugly, and bitter words.

10. They punish them cruelly, or when the punishment is too harsh or severe for the mistake that was made.

Parents Blunder When...

1. They give a child everything he wants.

2. They laugh at a child when he does or says something wrong.

3. They avoid the words "no" and "wrong."

4. They pick up after their children instead of giving them the responsibility of doing it.

5. They take the side of their children against neighbors, teachers, and other responsible adults.

6. They make every decision for their children.

7. They bail them out of every situation instead of letting them face the consequences of their mistakes.

8. They are over-protective, and do not allow their children to do normal and healthy things.

9. They let their children talk back to them.

10. They criticize others openly in front of their children.

A Dollar for Your Child

Ephesians 6:4

"Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).

His name was Rusty, and he was barely 11 years old. He still had the look of a little boy. He was homeless, not old enough to be hardened, but certainly old enough to be frightened. His mother lived in town, but she didn't want him.

Rusty lived in the alley behind the shop of one of our church members.

He slept in a cardboard box.

In an effort to get legal custody transferred to a Christian foster home, a little group met in an attorney's office: Rusty, Rusty's mother, the social worker, the attorney, and a pastor. They were severing all legal ties between Rusty and his mother ...and she did not care. The attorney carefully explained to Rusty's mother what was happening. He wanted to make sure that she understood that, in effect, she was losing all rights to her boy. Everyone was on the verge of tears-all except Rusty's mom.

Then came the question. The attorney worded it carefully, "Mrs. Brown, do you understand that when you sign this form, you are signing over all legal custody to the designated children's home?" She nodded her head in the affirmative. "Mrs. Brown, do you have any questions?" She had only one. "Do I get any money for this?" she asked. Everyone seemed dazed by this sledgehammer query. There was a long pause.

Finally, 11-year-old Rusty pulled out his pocket book, extracted a dollar he had earned sweeping floors, and gave it to his mother. And she took it!

In less obvious ways, all over America, there are parents who are trading their parental responsibilities for the almighty dollar. Kids shouldn't have to grow up by themselves. Let me paraphrase: "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world ...and loses his own children?"

The Christian and the Decalogue — Authority

Exodus 20:12

«The leader’s material is “em-braced” by these braces; excluded from handouts.»

The Christian and the Decalogue — Authority — Exodus 20:12

2 I am Jehovah thy God, … 12 Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long in the land which Jehovah thy God giveth thee. — ASV

Where the commandments are repeated, this one in Deuteronomy 5:16 (ASV) reads Honour thy father and thy mother, as Jehovah thy God commanded thee; that thy days may be long, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which Jehovah thy God giveth thee.

A. This commandment is sometimes referred to as the “first of the second tablet”

1. how does it correspond to the “first of the first tablet?” «— the first of the first is to do with our relationship of faith to our Heavenly Father; the first of the second, with our relationship of respect to our earthly father and mother; in this fashion it forms a transition from the first to the second tablet»

2. what distinguishes this command from those before?

a. «those before are all God-ward, this is man-ward»

b. What do Ephesians 6:1–3) and Colossians 3:20 tell us?

(A) «this is a continuing command to believers»

(B) «this is the first commandment with a promise attached to it.»

3. what is meant by “honour”? «The root meaning of the word used in the Hebrew (kabhadh) is “to be heavy, weighty, even burdensome” So to honour is to give due recognition to their influence, their dignity, and their authority. It is not merely feeling a happy, emotional relationship with one’s parents.»

4. What is presumed in this command respecting the parents?

a. Deuteronomy 11:19-2 2

(A) «teach their children »

(B) «live the commandments themselves»

b. what about the context in Ephesians and Colossians?

«An illustration of the wrong way to demand respect was given by James W. Hewitt [Holwick illustration #5189]: A young second lieutenant at Fort Bragg discovered that he had no change when he was about to buy a soft drink from a vending machine. He flagged down a passing private and asked him, “Do you have change for a dollar?” The private said cheerfully, “I think so, let me take a look.” The lieutenant drew himself up stiffly and said, “Soldier, that is no way to address an officer. We’ll start all over again. Do you have change for a dollar?” The private came to attention, saluted smartly, and said, “No, sir!”»

5. What are the two parts of the promise in Exodus 20:12?

a. «long life»

b. «a land given by God»

6. How does Deuteronomy 5:16 qualify one or both of these?

a. with respect to life, what was important as well as its duration

(A) Joshua 14:10–11

(B) Psalm 23:6

(C) Psalm 91:16

b. what is the frequent description of the land that God was giving them? «Flowing with milk and honey»

7. so looking at their quality, we see the two parts as

a. P______________ fulfilment« personal»

b. N______________ (or societal) fulfilment« national»

8. How did the Israelites follow this command (Judges 2:6–10)? «When some godly ruler died, they ceased to obey.»

9. What was the cause of failure (Hosea 4:6)? «The lack of knowledge implies that parents didn’t teach their children.»

10. What is the immediate implication for Christians? «The first responsibility for teaching the truth lies in the home»

B. This command can also be looked at by the Christian in terms of authority, and,

1. in particular of the matter of authority in

a. the family

b. the church

c. the nation

2. Authority is a responsibility to be held and not merely a power to be practised. This is indicated in the two epistles of Paul by his words to two other groups as well as parents and children

a. Ephesians 6:5–8, Colossians 3:22-25: «Slaves, servants»

b. Ephesians 6:9, Colossians 4:4: «Masters»

3. A favourite self-description that Paul used was “Paul a ________—__________ of Jesus Christ” seeing himself as having been bought by a loving master who fully lived up to the ideal in His exercise of authority over Paul

4. What does the Roman centurion teach us about authority (Luke 7:1-8)? «That to wield authority properly one must recognize those who have authority over him as well as the authority that others may have.»

C. In the church there is to be a recognition of human authority.

1. What is the responsibility to church leaders (1 Timothy 5:17, 1 Peter 5:5)? «Be subject; given honour»

2. How should church leaders lead (1 Peter 5:1-4)? «As well as in humility (verse 5) by example rather than power.

I read the following account of Rev. Jack Hyles. At a church banquet a visitor asked Hyles how he got such loyalty from his workers. Hyles turned to a young associate next to him and said, “Stand up.” He stood up, and the crowd hushed and turned their attention to him. Then Hyles said, “Sit down.” Sheepishly, the young man sat down. Hyles ordered him once more, “Stand up!” The associate did, almost in tears. Hyles turned back to the visitor who asked the question and replied, “That’s how [I get loyalty].” — [by Dr Robert Sumner in The Biblical Evangelist, May 1, 1989, from Holwick illustration #833, sermon #916] — This is not Christian leadership.

»

3. What other passages describe how leaders should lead? «1 Timothy 3:1–13, Titus 1:7–9»

D. How about authority in the nation?

1. Romans 13:1–7: it is to be … «obeyed as God’s representative»

2. 1 Timothy 2:1–2: it is to be … «prayed for»

3. are there qualifications?

a. what over-ruled in Exodus 1:17 «fear of God — a higher honour was due»

b. what over-ruled in Acts 5:29 «obedience to God — a higher authority — about 15 years ago, after defrauding a U.S. government program and giving the money to the poor, Marilyn Louise Harrell quoted this verse by way of justification. Obviously, we need to be very sure that we have it right [Times Reporter, Holwick illust. #930].»

E. so the teaching of children to honour their parents is a first step in teaching them respect for authority in general — in the school, in the work-place, in the church, in the nation. But it has to be accompanied by a life that deserves such honour, and which lays the lesson that God is the ultimate authority and actions must confirm to His revealed will in His word.

~~~~~~~~~~

This set of lessons was inspired by part II of “Ethics of Decision” by George W. Forell, The Muhlenberg Press, Philadelphia, 1955 (Library of Congress 55-7767).

Salutations To the Ones Who Shaped You

The day began like any other. There was the usual anticipation of victory and the usual preparation for possible loss. Amidst the different expectations for the day was one about the meeting to take place later that evening. This was a meeting like none other. It would be more important than the first interview in the US Embassy in India as I prepared to answer questions regarding my reasons for wanting America. This meeting would surpass the anxiety of the first job and the last raise. This was the moment I had waited for all of my life. This was going to be the Christmas to remember.

As the evening came closer my nervousness increased and my heart raced as I searched for a vision of the outcome of this meeting. I arrived at the company Christmas party, and as soon as the hosts greeted me the questions began. Are they here yet? Are they here yet? We were all waiting for the same meeting. We were all searching with bated anticipation for the people who had been credited with raising me. The doorbell rang and the hosts gathered closer to the door to see for the first time the man and woman who had received such acclaim in speeches past. This was going to be a night to remember.

Finally the much-awaited moment arrived. There were no sounds to announce the heralded arrival of my father and mother as they stepped into the house of the legendary motivator Zig Ziglar. The folks who raised me had finally met the people who taught me. This was my life at an imposing crossroads. My personal life that began in the heat of tropical India was connecting with my professional life in the heart of God’s America. My heroes hugged and smiled and hugged some more. They exchanged pleasantries and hugged some more. I maintained a stoic front as my insides crumbled amidst a heap of tears. My heart shivered as I searched for someone to tell me that this was real.

I cringed at the thought of a possible let down. What if they compare notes and find out that the son and the employee are two different tales? What if my heroes did not like each other? What if the moment passed with no feeling of grandeur and splendor? Amidst the questions the answers of love and genuine happiness surfaced. On the ride back home my father touched my shoulder and said with a cracked voice that he loved me. The man who raised me was happy with his crop and was grateful for the field in which his crop chose to blossom.

“Trust in God. Believe in yourself. Dare to Dream.” Robert Schuller.

Parenting Pearls of Wisdom

PARENTING PEARLS OF WISDOM

• I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!

• We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic

• Got Pickles? (on a maternity shirt)

• Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase

• You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to

Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up

(Slogans for T-shirts suggested to the Washington Post)

*

Divorce Works Wonders

Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama.”

The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up.”

“But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?”

“It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.”

“But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?”

“No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.”

“Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there.”

“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in New Jersey and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore.”

A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. “Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there.”

Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well, it worked this time, but what are we going to do to get them to come down next year?”

*

Twisting the Torah?: Misuse of Religion In the Public Square

Like many Christians, I’ve been encouraged to hear Senator Joseph Lieberman talk openly about his faith on the campaign trail. He’s dead right arguing that religious perspectives belong in public discourse. And he argues, as well, that we should obey the Ten Commandments.

But we have to be careful. There’s a fine line between using faith to guide our policies and using it as a prop for political maneuvers.

Now I always make a point of avoiding commenting on partisan matters — as an ex-offender, I can’t even vote. So don’t take these as partisan comments. I would say the same thing were the candidate Republican or Democrat.

But there are some references to Scripture by candidate Lieberman that concern me — in particular, his selective reading of Holy Scripture.

And it’s true: too many Americans have forgotten the important role of our Judeo-Christian tradition in this nation’s history. They’ve even missed the fact that the Civil Rights movement was driven, in large part, by the religious commitment of men like Martin Luther King and, yes, Joe Lieberman.

But if we inject faith into the campaign, we then have to be prepared to live according to its dictates. The Hebrew Scriptures make it clear that taking innocent unborn life is a sin, which is why Orthodox Jews — along with evangelical and Catholic Christians — are strongly pro-life. And support for abortion rights unmistakably contradicts the same Bible that gives us these Ten Commandments.

So that’s why I find it hard to square Senator Lieberman’s arguments with his pro-choice stance. While I certainly respect his faith and his good will, his reading of Scripture, I think, is off-base.

Take another example. Speaking in a Detroit church last week, the Senator said that the Fifth Commandment — “honor your father and mother” — provides a good reason to support Vice President Gore’s plan for funding prescription drug benefits. Whoa! Wait a minute! The Ten Commandments were directed to individual Israelites to care for their own parents, just as Ezra and Proverbs make it clear that parents are to care for their own kids.

Now, I’m willing to grant that honoring our parents includes concern for their health care — and one could argue that this principle carries over into our political concerns. But the leap to federal funding of programs to confer drug benefits is a matter of political philosophy, not theology — and a philosophy much more indebted to nineteenth-century utopianism than Judeo-Christian ethics.

That utopianism is rooted in the belief that humanity’s problems can be solved by creating a perfectly just society — the problem isn’t man, they say, it’s government. But utopian myths like these deny individual responsibility and foster ever greater dependence on the state.

The spirit of the Fifth Commandment is infinitely richer — and more radical — than any government program could put into practice. The apostle Paul, a Jew and a Pharisee himself, said: “if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.”

In short, the Judeo-Christian tradition requires us to care for our own families, and not foist off our obligations onto the state.

I have great respect for Joe Lieberman’s devout faith. And I’m delighted to see religion being taken seriously in the public square. But as I explain in my book, KINGDOMS IN CONFLICT — written some years ago but still a definitive work on Christians in politics — we must be careful that we bring faith to bear in politics and not the other way around.

Life Beyond the Cubicle: Where Do Our Priorities Lie?

There is a scene in the movie ELF — a great family film sure to become a holiday classic — that should be familiar to many American families. When the father, played by James Caan, arrives late to dinner, he doesn't stop moving. Instead he fills his plate while telling his wife and son that he'll be eating in his bedroom because he's “very busy” and has brought home a pile of work he has to do.

The film comes to a climax when the son arrives at his father's office, where he's working late on Christmas Eve of all nights, and the father has to decide between his job and his family.

Work or family: That's a decision moms and dads face every day. Americans pride themselves in a strong work ethic, but that ethic has disintegrated into a contest for who can work the most.

Columnist Amy Joyce of the WASHINGTON POST has been following the lives of 80-hour-a-week Washingtonians. Recently, Joyce wrote about Lisa, whose father worked long hours and died before he could pursue any of his dreams and hobbies. This left Lisa “with strong feelings regarding the importance of maintaining a work-life balance.” Then there's Kate, who has found a good balance: “Work will come and go, she reasons. But there is only one life.”

Similar thinking is going on in New York City. Recently in the NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE, Lisa Belkin traced the lives of eight highly successful women who “had it all” — and found it all unsatisfying.

These eight women had Princeton degrees and Harvard and Columbia law degrees. “They chose husbands who could keep up with them” and “waited to have children because work was too exciting” — the feminist dream? Not exactly. “I don't want to be on the fast track leading to a partnership at a prestigious law firm,” said Katherine Brokaw, who left the workplace to stay home with her three children. “Some people define that as success. I don't.” Said Vicky McElhaney Benedict, another successful lawyer who quit to stay home with her children: “This is what I was meant to do. ... I like life's rhythms when I'm nurturing a child.”

In one sense, feminism has had a positive effect, argues Belkin. Capable female employees are coveted for their talents, but in a backlash against the feminist ideal, they're also more willing to leave, generally claiming family obligations. The “glass ceiling” was not the problem; it was their deep-down desire to be mothers. Many companies are recognizing the need to eliminate the dilemma of deciding between work and family by granting extended leave and, in some cases, sabbaticals. That, in turn, has had a positive impact on men as fathers have taken advantage of this benefit and are able to manage their schedules around their family life, reversing the “absentee father” model.

This illustrates plainly the natural order — that is, the way God created us. We're wired for work, of course, to be productive, but we're also created to have children and raise them. Women wanting to be home with their children is a good sign, not only of biology, but of moral disposition. It's a good sign, as well, that more and more women are discovering the lies of feminism: that what really matters are those moments with the family — not reaching the next rung on the corporate ladder.

FOR FURTHER READING AND INFORMATION:

• Amy Joyce, “Pursuit of Happiness and Power Suits,” Washington Post, 9 November 2003, F05. (See also past columns: “Never an Off Day in Washington“ and “Time Off for Urgent Family Matters.”)

• Lisa Belkin, “The Opt-Out Revolution,” New York Times Magazine, 26 October 2003. (Archived article; costs $2.95 to retrieve.)

• Kate Rice, “Happy at Work and Home,” ABC News, 10 November 2003.

• Peter Edman, “Too Tired for Life,” BreakPoint Online, 2001.

• BreakPoint Commentary No. 030730, “It's about Time.”

• BreakPoint Commentary No. 030919, “Loving Mondays.”

• Christina Hoff Sommers, Who Stole Feminism? (Touchstone, 1995).

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Handle Your Business - Girls and Violence

Job 16:17

Twelve-year-old Nicole Townes is out of a coma but still struggling to recover after being pummeled and stomped at a birthday party in a beating that was shocking not just because of its savagery, but because it was meted out by other girls. Authorities say it is symptomatic of a disturbing trend around the country: Girls are turning to violence more often and with terrifying intensity.

“We're seeing girls doing things now that we used to put off on boys,” former Baltimore school Police Chief Jansen Robinson said. “This is vicious, 'I-want-to-hurt-you' fighting. It's a nationwide phenomenon and it's catching us all off guard.”

Police and prosecutors said Nicole's beating Feb. 28 began when a boy at the party, acting on a dare, kissed the girl on the cheek. The other children exploded with “eeeewws” and laughter, according to the police report. The 36-year-old mother of the birthday girl apparently was offended, because the boy was supposed to be her daughter's boyfriend. So the mother allegedly urged her daughter to “handle your business,” an order police said meant the girl was supposed to defend the family's honor.

Nicole was scratched, pummeled, kicked and stomped by as many as six women and girls, police said. She was in a coma for nearly three weeks and is still hospitalized. Her family said she may have permanent brain damage.

“We're just stunned and disgusted and we still can't understand how such a thing could have happened,” said the family's pastor, the Rev. Durrell Williams of the Full Gospel Deliverance Church. Williams described Nicole as a timid girl, “not one of your fighters.”

Around the country, school police and teachers are seeing a growing tendency for girls to settle disputes with their fists. They are finding themselves breaking up playground fights in which girls are going at each other toe-to-toe, like boys. Nationally, violence among teenage boys - as measured by arrest statistics and surveys - outstrips violence among teenage girls 4 to 1, according to the Justice Department. But a generation ago, it was 10 to 1. Schools report a similar pattern in the number of girls suspended or expelled for fighting.

Experts say the trend simply reflects society - girls are more violent because society in general is more violent and less civil. Some say that the same breakdowns in family, church, community and school that have long been blamed for violence among boys are finally catching up to girls. And some believe the violence is also fueled by the emergence of movies and video games such as “Tomb Raider” in which women wreak violence with the gusto of male action heroes.

The assault on Nicole illustrates how some parents are almost as immature as their children, said Rosetta Stith, principal of a Baltimore public school for teen mothers.

“You keep hearing that phrase, 'Handle your business,' 'Handle your business,’” Stith said. “Now I ask you - What business could a 13-year-old possibly have? But for a lot of girls, it's all about respect, defending your turf, fighting for your man.”

Last May, girls were videotaped beating and kicking other girls during a hazing at well-to-do Glenbrook High School in suburban Chicago. And fighting among girl gangs in cities such as Los Angeles and Chicago has educators and community workers scrambling for solutions. “It's a high-priority topic that resonates with any school, any principal today,” said Bill Bond, who heads a project on school safety for the National Association of Secondary School Principals. “I've been to 17 association meetings this year and the topic has been addressed at every meeting.”

Phil Leaf, director of the Center for the Prevention of Youth Violence at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, said society should not have been caught by surprise by the surge in girl violence.

“In retrospect, we can see girls falling prey to the same influences as boys,” Leaf said. “A decade or so ago, we were worried about the lack of male role models in the home. Today, there is a dearth of effective female role models as the mothers who used to be there are forced back into the job market or get rendered ineffective through abuse of drugs and alcohol.”

Leaf said the situation in Baltimore and other cities reminds him of the William Golding novel “Lord of the Flies”: “We're seeing the effects of children growing up in a world without adults.”

04-26-04 1441EDT

Copyright 2004 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

Parents On Strike

The dishes, garbage and dirty laundry would pile up for days when Cat and Harlan Barnard's two teenage children refused to do their chores. So the parents decided to take a picket line to the picket fences of American suburbia.

In early December 2004, the Barnards went on strike. They moved out of their house and into a domed tent set up in their front driveway in the central Florida town of Enterprise. The parents won't cook, clean or drive their children - Benjamin, 17, and Kit, 12 - until they shape up.

“We've tried reverse psychology, upside down psychology, spiral psychology and nothing has motivated them for any length of time,” Cat Barnard, 45, said Wednesday as she sat in a lawn chair at an umbrella-covered table decorated with Christmas lights in her driveway.

The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home from school Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten signs that read “Parents on Strike” and “Seeking Cooperation and Respect!”

Concern caused a well-intentioned neighbor to report the Barnards to sheriff's deputies, who checked up on the family three times Tuesday. They were satisfied that the children were safe. One of Kit's teachers also stopped by the house, thinking she had been abandoned, after the teenager told her that her parents had moved out of the house.

Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mom, and her 56-year-old husband, a government social services worker, decided their children needed to learn about empathy and responsibility. The Barnards unsuccessfully tried smiley-face charts and withholding allowances to get their children to do chores. They even sought help from a psychologist. The tipping point may have been when Benjamin didn't offer to help his sweating, struggling mother work on the lawn Sunday, even though she should have been resting after recovering from serious oral surgery.

“I had already made the decision to it then, but I had absolutely no motherly guilt after that,” said Cat Bernard, who has the linguistic habit of calling her family members “husband,” “daughter,” and “son” rather than by their names.

The Barnards have slept on air mattresses in the tent during their strike and have barbecued while their children fended for themselves with frozen TV dinners inside the house. The parents only go inside to shower and use the bathroom.

The strike seems to have struck a nerve. The phone has been ringing incessantly with requests for media interviews from around the country. “Good Morning America” and other national television shows planned to interview her.

Passers-by from this bedroom community between Orlando and Daytona Beach have shouted out words of encouragement. One woman driving past the Barnards' house rolled down her car window Wednesday and shouted “Good for you! You should put the kids outside!”

Mark Rapport, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Central Florida, said teaching children responsibility is one of the most important tasks parents can undertake, but parents are busy and often times it's easier for parents to do chores themselves then repeatedly nag their children to do them. “This seems to be a last-ditch effort of driving home a point,” Rapport said. “We judge effectiveness by outcome.”

A visibly angry Benjamin returned from school on Wednesday to find a dozen reporters in his parents' front lawn. He refused to say anything to them and went into the house followed by his mother, who tried to console him.

Rapport said he didn't have a problem with the Barnards' strike as long as there is no abusiveness, psychological damage to the children “or starving children.”

“Obviously, you can't break the law,” he said.

Cat Barnard said she and her husband will keep up the strike until they see some changes. “If we have to stick it out here until Christmas, then ho, ho, ho, we're out here,” she said.

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #2114]

Learn From Your Kids By:

Parents often try hard to do everything right for their children. But no amount of effort can guarantee that kids will turn out the way parents desire, and even the most diligent parents are bound to fail sometimes.

Ironically, the way you can best raise your children is to let them raise you. By letting go of the pressure to make sure your kids succeed and focusing on learning from them, you can become a better parent – and a better person.

Here are some ways you can listen to your kids to learn from them:

• Thank God for your kids. Realize that your children are God’s gifts to you, meant to help you grow in maturity. Understand that your kids will change you to the core of who you are, and that they can teach you more than you could ever teach them. Know that God wants to reveal Himself to you through your children.

• Discard parenting myths. Don’t assume that your influence and involvement in your kids’ lives will automatically cause them to succeed in life. Don’t expect that simply following certain principles will program your children to succeed. Understand that the process of parenting is what’s most important. Strive to read your children well, understand them better, and build stronger bonds with them.

• Listen for your kids’ core questions. Know that every child is constantly asking two core questions: “Am I loved?” and “Can I get my own way?”. Realize that the answers you give them set the course for how they live. Understand that these same questions are at the core of your own heart. Let your kids know that you love them unconditionally. Give them the boundaries and discipline they need to grow in healthy ways.

• Ask God to give you wisdom. Ask God to help you understand each of your children’s unique bents so you can accurately interpret how He has made them. Take the time to study them, think about them, and pray about them. Let go of the temptation to superimpose your own bent onto your kids. Seek to discover who they are, separate from you, and accept them no matter how much they differ. For example, if you’re athletic but your son doesn’t do well on the soccer field, don’t push him in that direction. Try something else instead; perhaps you’ll discover that he has a gift for music or science. Rely on God to help you understand what truly matters so you don’t let minor matters take on more importance than they should. Allow your kids to explore, experiment, risk, and fail so they can grow.

• Strive to raise leaders who will do God’s work in the world. Confront the growing complexities and difficulties of today’s world by preparing your children to enter it as activists for God. Ask God to help you demonstrate mercy and strength in equal measure as you interact with your kids. Rather than modeling an oversimplified, black-and-white faith in a world full of gray shades, teach them to rely on God’s moment-by-moment guidance to navigate life’s complexities. Make sure they learn God’s Word and stay connected to His Spirit regularly through prayer.

• Break free of your past. Don’t let your parents’ voices from the past drown out God’s voice speaking to you right now. Honor your parents, but choose the parenting path that God is leading you down, recognizing that it may be different from the one they chose. Don’t try to use your parenting to prove anything, seek approval, fix anything, or pay your own parents back for harm they caused you. Instead, seek God’s healing so you can listen to your kids in the present and follow His lead into the future.

• Turn down cultural voices. Don’t allow the media, your friends, your church, or your children’s school to dictate your parenting decisions. Focus on your kids themselves, responding to their unique God-given bents.

• Work on building a healthy marriage. Understand that your children will learn a great deal about love and faith from the quality of your marriage. Work with your spouse to grow closer to God together so your kids can see you wrestle with the deepest matters of the heart in healthy ways.

• Strive to reflect God’s character into your kids’ lives. Give your children opportunities to take risks to grow in maturity. Courageously pursue creative endeavors in your life and help your kids do so as well. Provide security so your kids can grow stronger; shower them with tenderness so they can become more free. Be open and honest about your own failures, and let your children see you turn to God for forgiveness and grace. When your kids’ sin, help them learn from it and encourage them to grow to their fullest potential.

• Dream God’s dreams for your children. Give your kids the freedom to take risks, and show them grace when they fail, trusting that God is working a greater good in them through the experience. Persevere through the hard times, holding onto hope that God will accomplish His purposes for their lives. Know that the dreams God dreams for your children are greater than you – or they – could ever dream apart from Him. Let go of dreams you have that don’t align with God’s will and invite God to do His powerful work in your kids’ lives. Focus as God does – less on your children’s external accomplishments (such as getting into a certain college) and more on their internal character, the kind of people they’re becoming.

• Let your kids “name” you. Engage in frequent dialogue with your children to understand how they view you, and why. Pray about how the ways they see you and label you reflect God’s work in your life.

• Let your children reveal more about God to you. Write down what your kids teach you in a journal, and pray about what you’re learning so you can grow closer to God. Strive to hear the voice of God speaking to you through your children.

• Play with your kids. Take the time to join your children in their play. Don’t worry about measuring results from this time together; focus on enjoying the process instead. Fully participate and celebrate with them, trusting that God will strengthen your bond with them as you do.

Attention Parents: Look In the Mirror

Each child is unique. American children and teenagers are all over the map in terms of religious experience. A few are devoid of anything that looks like personal faith while others have passionate devotion. Trying to lump them all together is simply a mistake.

Parents' greatest fear may be that their children will enter some awful rebellious period and reject the faith. That fear is mostly unfounded. Contrary to popular thinking, children generally do not become teenagers who are alienated from the church or its ministers and members.

Researchers report that more than 80 percent of teens say they believe in God, and two-thirds describe Him as involved in people's lives; 71 percent of teens say they feel “very close” or “somewhat close” to Him. Among teens who describe themselves as religious, only 5 percent report having had a number of doubts about their faith in the previous year, while 70 percent of church-going teens say their congregations are a “very good” or “fairly good” place to talk about serious life issues.

Popular media portrays older children and teenagers as people who reject parents and faith as fast as they pierce body parts. Teenagers in movies view the church as a dinosaur and the faith of their parents as an emotional crutch. The only religious children and teenagers on the small or large screen are strange and unpleasant people.

This unfortunate portrayal flies in the face of the facts. Most U.S. children become teens who embrace fairly conventional, traditional beliefs about religion and the supernatural. They are not stampeding to abandon the church or the faith they grew up with.

By the time they reach young adulthood, the great majority of children will have a faith very similar to their parents. Of course there are exceptions, but not many. Most parents who want to know where their kids are headed religiously just need to look in the mirror. According to one study, only 6 percent of teens regard their religious beliefs as very different from their mothers' and 11 percent different from their fathers'.

The question is, is this good news or bad news?

Nearly all children become teenagers who are profoundly individualistic. They simply do not realize the influence their parents and their church have in shaping their faith. They really do believe they are crafting a faith all on their own.

Actually, children and teens are just exhibiting typical American individualism, that they are distinct from all others and must freely choose their own religion.

Parents grew up with Frank Sinatra singing, “I did it my way.” Now their children have come to believe the same thing.

They tend to believe the central goal of life is to be happy and feel good about oneself. God does not need to be particularly involved in one's life except when He is needed to resolve a problem.

If children grow up to believe that God primarily exists to make them happy and if children usually adopt the faith of their parents, then parents need to ask hard questions about their own convictions.

Parents' greatest fear should not be that children will enter some awful, rebellious period and reject the faith.

The greatest danger is that they will imitate that large body of adult Christians whose faith stays in the background of their lives and who believe God exists primarily to make them happy.

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Honoring Our Parents

Mark 7:1

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be long. —Deuteronomy 5:16

The year was 1727. The place was a small bookshop in Lichfield, England. A man who kept bursting into violent fits of coughing was packing books to sell in his market stall in Uttoxeter. Between coughs he asked his 18-year-old son to take the books that day. But the young man, deeply engrossed in the Latin classic he was reading, heard him but ignored the request. The stagecoach arrived, and the father stepped out into the pouring rain with his load of books to take the 20-mile ride to the market.

Fifty years later an elderly man stood for hours in the pouring rain at a market stall in Uttoxeter. When the storm finally subsided, he slowly walked back to a waiting carriage and returned home. There he bowed his head and sobbed. That man was the famous literary genius Samuel Johnson. He was still haunted by the memory of what he did so long ago.

Honoring our parents is more than an obligation. It’s also a privilege. As children we honor them by obedience; as adults, by frequent calls or visits and self-sacrificing care. Missed opportunities to show love and honor may bring deep regret years later.

The command is simple: “Honor your father and your mother.” And God always rewards obedience. —HVL

Don’t miss the opportunity

To honor and obey

The parents God has given you—

For they’ll be gone someday. —Sper

Children let their parents down if they forget who brought them up.

Faith Plays Little Role In Christian Parenting

The vast majority of parents hope their children grow up to live good lives but, for many, parental success does not include faith in God -- even among parents who are evangelical Christians, according to a new study from LifeWay Research, the research arm of LifeWay Christian Resources.

The national survey of 1,200 adults with children under 18 at home found the most common definitions of successful parenting include children having good values (25 percent), being happy adults (25 percent), finding success in life (22 percent), being a good person (19 percent), graduating from college (17 percent) and living independently (15 percent). Being godly or having faith in God is mentioned by 9 percent of respondents.

Parents who attend religious services weekly are particularly likely to emphasize faith in God, but only 24 percent of them identify that as a mark of parenting success, the research found.

“We are seeing an ever-widening gulf in American believers between private faith and a faith that is passed on,” said Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research. “Instead, we too often see an emphasis on guiding children to a social morality and toward an as-yet undefined ‘happy’ life.”

INFLUENCES AND GOALS

While the vast majority (83 percent) believes parents should be most responsible for a child’s spiritual development, only 35 percent say their religious faith is one of the most important influences on their parenting, according to the study. This leaves nearly half (48 percent) who acknowledge their role in their child’s spiritual development, but fail to consider their own religious faith among the most important influences on their parenting.

Pushing out to either end of the religious spectrum, the study found that almost a third of all parents either have no religious faith or say religious faith has little or no influence on their parenting. Conversely, among born-again Christians, 29 percent say faith is not among the most important influences on their parenting.

“When self-identifying Christians are not able to say that faith is a priority for parenting, we should not be surprised at the prevalence of church drop outs in the younger generation,” said Ed Stetzer, director of LifeWay Research.

Asked if they have a written plan or goal for what they want to accomplish as parents, a full 33 percent say they have no plan or goal at all. Among those who attend religious services weekly and evangelicals, 76 percent say they have a plan, either written or unwritten.

FEARS AND REGRETS

In contrast to visions of success, many parents are fearful for their children’s futures and some harbor regrets about their parenting, according to the research. A full 82 percent agree they feel fearful when they think about what kind of world their children will face as adults. Asked if they feel a lot of regret about what they’ve done as parents, 28 percent of parents agree, although only 5 percent feel strongly about it.

Almost six in 10 parents (59 percent) indicate they want their children to experience pain and disappointment so they can learn from it, but about three in four parents (74 percent) say they try to keep their own pain hidden from their children. More than one in three parents (34 percent) say they worry when they think about their children ‘leaving the nest.’ A full 15 percent say the prospect of their children growing up and leaving home is simply too painful to think about.

Only 14 percent of all parents say they feel they are very familiar with what the Bible has to say about parenting, even though 77 percent identify themselves as Christians. Among those who attend religious services weekly, that number rises to 36 percent.

“One of parents’ ultimate responsibilities is to prepare their children for adulthood,” McConnell said. “This study may hint at why many young adults are spiritually underdeveloped -- their parents have given little focus to matters of faith.”

The survey was conducted by LifeWay Research.

The Truth About Generational Curses

John 8:36

A relatively new teaching based on an old idea has been gaining popularity in modern Christianity. The idea is that a Christian may suffer under a curse passed down from family members of previous generations. The teaching is that in order to be set free, the curse must be identified and its power must be broken.

Many high profile preachers are proclaiming the power and prevalence of generational curses. The list of those espousing this teaching reads like a who’s who of the most influential Christian Leaders of America today: Tony Evans, Joyce Meyers, Joel Osteen, Creflo Dollar, T.D. Jakes, and Kenneth Copeland, to name a few.

Because of the saturation of the generational curses doctrine, chances are that you have been influenced by it, even if you haven’t heard of it by name. As Christians, our faith rests firmly on the person of Jesus and the teachings of the Holy Bible. Therefore, the question that a Christian must ask about any teaching is, is it Biblical? Does what I am hearing square with Scripture?

Prove All Things

The Bible clearly warns us against relying on our own reason to determine what is good and what is evil. In fact, relying on human reason instead of God’s plain instruction is what brought sin and death into the human family in the first place. As it says in Proverbs 14:12, “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” And in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?”

Given our proclivity toward deception and the prevalence of false teachings, the New Testament is filled with warnings to carefully scrutinize what you hear in light of the Bible. As the Apostle Paul admonished the church at Thessalonica, “Do not quench the Spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:19-22)

So, we as Christians don’t suppress preaching under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, nor do we take teachings lightly. Rather we, as Paul instructed, carefully examine teachings in light of the Word, holding fast to the truth, and discarding all that is false. In this way we follow the example of the Berean converts,” ... for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things {the things that Paul was teaching them} were so.”

What Is A Generational Curse?

As a phrase, generational curse seems straightforward enough. A generational curse, according to proponents, is a spiritual bondage, or curse, that is passed down from one generation to the next. Essentially, Christians may find themselves powerless to overcome some stubborn sin or the victim of a seemingly intractable pattern of failure because one of their forbearers sinned and brought a curse which God is visiting on them.

This can take many forms. Perhaps a Christian man finds himself in the grip of an addiction to pornography. Viewed through the lens of the generational curses doctrine, he may in fact be cursed with the spirit of lust because his great-grandfather was promiscuous. Likewise, a Christian woman may find it difficult to submit to her husband. Under the paradigm of generational curses, she may be cursed with the spirit of matriarchal witchcraft because her great-grandmother was a practicing witch.

Perhaps a Christian is seemingly unable to properly give and receive love. This could be an unloving spirit that attached to the family because of his grandfather physically abused his father. The permutations are virtually limitless. Alcoholism, poverty, anxiety, rage, obsessive/compulsive disorder, may all manifest themselves in the life of a Christian based on generational curses.

The Cure

The cure is always to identify the source of the curse and break its power, although there are variations in methodology. Some call for deliverance services where spirits are cast out of the Christian. Most, however, follow a formula of confessing the identified curse and verbally renouncing it to break its power.

The Rationale

The basis for this teaching is two-fold. The first part of the foundation is a description God gives of Himself in Exodus 20:5, “... I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations...”

The second part is based on simple observation. We observe that there seem to be patterns of sin and failure that trace through family lines. We notice that children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics, abused boys tend to become abusive husbands and fathers, abused girls tend to marry abusive men, children of jailed fathers tend to repeat the cycle of criminal behavior, and so on.

Putting this bit of scripture together with this observation, proponents of generational curses reason that a Christian may be bound by a spiritual curse from God because of their father, grandfather, or even great-grandfather’s sin.

The Formula

Notice the formula for reaching the conclusion that God spiritually curses Christians for the sins of their forebearers. First, a partial truth is cited. Second, an observation is made. And finally, human reasoning is applied.

The same formula was employed to deceive Eve and lure mankind into disobedience to God. God had given a plain instruction not to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or death would surely follow. In light of such a clear command and such a serious consequence, how did the Devil snare Eve?

He cited a partial truth, she used observation, added reason, and in one fell swoop, sin, pain, and death were brought into the human family. Genesis 3:1-7, 1”Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” 4 The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! 5 “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.”

In his subtlety, Satan said you won’t surely die; but you will be like God knowing [literally declaring] what is good and evil. That is a partial truth. Eve could indeed decide for herself what was good and evil, although disobeying God would certainly end in death. To the partial truth, Eve added observation, seeing that the fruit was good for food and a delight to eyes. Finally, she reasoned that it was desirable to make her wise, and she fell into the snare of deception and sin.

The Importance of Context

Before Jesus began his earthly ministry, He was drawn into the wilderness and tempted for forty days. At the peak of His physical weakness having fasted the entire time, Satan came to try and draw Him into sin as he had with Eve and Adam. Though he was still subtle, his tactics had not changed.

After Jesus repelled his first two temptations by quoting from Scripture, Satan resorted to presenting a partial truth. He actually quoted scripture out of its context to entice the Lord into sin, “And he led Him to Jerusalem and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down from here; 10 for it is written, ‘HE WILL COMMAND HIS ANGELS CONCERNING YOU TO GUARD YOU,’ 11 and, ‘ON their HANDS THEY WILL BEAR YOU UP, SO THAT YOU WILL NOT STRIKE YOUR FOOT AGAINST A STONE.’” 12 And Jesus answered and said to him, “It is said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT PUT THE LORD YOUR GOD TO THE TEST.’” (Luke 4:9-12)

Satan was quoting Psalm 91:12 which assured Jesus that if He fell, His father would send angels to catch Him. Jesus recognized, however, that Satan was taking it out of context. He wanted Jesus to doubt His identity and put His Father to the test. To answer the devil, Jesus simply put the psalm in context by quoting a balancing scripture from Deuteronomy 6:16 which warns us not to tempt God. The broader context helped make the meaning of the psalm plain. God will catch you if you slip, but it is wrong to intentionally jump.

A Closer Examination

In keeping with Paul’s instruction to carefully examine teachings, and being aware of Satan’s devices, let’s take a look at Exodus 20 with the context restored. The portion of scripture cited to support the idea of generational curses is actually lifted from the Ten Commandments. In particular, it is a part of God’s commandment not to worship idols.

“You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. 5 “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Exodus 20:4-6)

This is a clear commandment, don’t worship idols. The consequence, however, is less clear for those of us who speak modern-English. God warns that he will visit the iniquity of the fathers on the third and fourth generations of those who hate Him. Before we examine what visiting iniquity means, let us note the clear object of the warning.

Whatever visiting iniquity means, it is happening to those who hate God by disobeying His commandments. The generational curses doctrine asserts that this applies to Christians. However, God plainly says that He will show lovingkindness to, not visit iniquity on, those who love Him and keep His commandments. Clearly, a Christian loves and does not hate God, and so according to the text receives His lovingkindness, not the visitation of iniquity.

The word translated iniquity in this passage means punishment for sin. The word translated visit means to administer or see to. So here, God is saying that He will administer punishment on those who worship idols. To be clear, who does God say that He will punish? Those who hate and disobey him.

What about the third and fourth generation? Under the reasoning of generational curses, this is taken to mean that the punishment is passed down from great-grandfather, to grandfather, to father, and to son. The scripture, however, makes no reference to passing the punishment down.

In the time that this commandment was given, men lived to be about one hundred and twenty years old. Men married and began to have children at about thirty years old. So, at any given time, four generations lived side by side. That means that when Israel was punished for worshipping idols, it was brought upon the great-grandfathers, grandfathers, fathers, and sons who were committing this sin.

Broader Context

We don’t have to guess at the meaning of God’s warning in Exodus 20, we can simply read the scripture to see how He dealt with Israel. At the very moment which God was writing this commandment on a tablet of stone for Moses to take down to the people, Israel was committing idolatry. They had sacrificed some of the gold jewelry gained from the Egyptians and given it to Aaron who fashioned a golden calf. As they celebrated a festival to this idol, God told Moses to go down immediately to the people who had defiled themselves.

“Now when Moses saw that the people were out of control — for Aaron had let them get out of control to be a derision among their enemies — 26 then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, “Whoever is for the Lord, come to me!” And all the sons of Levi gathered together to him. 27 He said to them, “Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘Every man of you put his sword upon his thigh, and go back and forth from gate to gate in the camp, and kill every man his brother, and every man his friend, and every man his neighbor.’” 28 So the sons of Levi did as Moses instructed, and about three thousand men of the people fell that day. 29 Then Moses said, “Dedicate yourselves today to the Lord — for every man has been against his son and against his brother — in order that He may bestow a blessing upon you today.” (Exodus 32:25-29)

We see that God visited the punishment for breaking His commandment against idol worship on everyone who did not repent from their sin and run to Moses when he called them to the gate. The wages of their sin was death, which was no doubt visited on fathers to the third and fourth generations. The punishment was not visited on any of those who were for the Lord and came to Moses at his command. In fact, those who dedicated themselves to the Lord received a blessing that day, not a punishment.

Sadly, the nation of Israel never really ceased from this sin of idolatry. The witness of Scripture is that they would continually turn to idol worship, God would repeatedly warn them to repent, they would stubbornly refuse, and then God would punish them.

Notice Judges 2:11-15:

“Then the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals, 12 and they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods from among the gods of the peoples who were around them, and bowed themselves down to them; thus they provoked the Lord to anger. 13 So they forsook the Lord and served Baal and the Ashtaroth. 14 The anger of the Lord burned against Israel, and He gave them into the hands of plunderers who plundered them; and He sold them into the hands of their enemies around them, so that they could no longer stand before their enemies.”

In fulfillment of His word, God had shown great mercy and favor to thousands of those in Israel while Joshua and the elders lived and the people loved the Lord. After Joshua and the elders died, however, the people began to hate God by worshipping idols. As a result, God kept His word and visited the punishment of plunder and slavery on them.

Even in the midst of God’s punishment, however, He showed favor to those who loved Him and kept His commandments. When Israel was punished by being taken captive by the Babylonians, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were faithful. For this reason, the Lord was with them and delivered them through difficult trials, eventually elevating Daniel to a lofty position in Nebuchadnezzar’s government.

When Israel would repent and cry out to God, He would deliver them. This cycle repeated until, at the time when Jesus began His ministry, Israel was under Roman occupation.

The pattern of scripture is consistent and clear. God did not pass down a spiritual curse through families of those who loved Him. He did punish those who hated Him and worshipped idols- including Great-grandfathers and great-grandsons- by delivering them into slavery. Unwitting victims of these judgments didn’t have to discover their forefathers’ sins and renounce them to be released from bondage. Sinners simply had repent and cry out to God for forgiveness, and He delivered them.

God Is Not Unfair

The teaching of generational curses may be relatively new, but it is based on an old idea; namely that God punishes people for other people’s sins. In fact Israel so often accused God of punishing children for the sins of their fathers, that it became a proverb in the land. “The fathers eat the sour grapes, but the children’s teeth are set on edge,” they would say.

As a response, God inspires the prophet Ezekiel to write an entire chapter of the Bible to set the record straight. It would be well for you to read Ezekiel 18 in its entirety, but for the sake of economy we will examine the most relevant portions here.

“As I live,” declares the Lord God, “you are surely not going to use this proverb in Israel anymore. 4 “Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine. The soul who sins will die.” (vss. 3-4)

Here, God is fed up with the misrepresentation of His character. He tells Israel to stop saying that He is unfairly punishing children for their fathers’ sins. He points out that He alone is the Creator, and therefore all life is His. Then He says that He is just, punishing individuals for their own choices.

“But if a man is righteous and practices justice and righteousness, 6 and does not eat at the mountain shrines or lift up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, or defile his neighbor’s wife or approach a woman during her menstrual period — 7 if a man does not oppress anyone, but restores to the debtor his pledge, does not commit robbery, but gives his bread to the hungry and covers the naked with clothing, 8 if he does not lend money on interest or take increase, if he keeps his hand from iniquity and executes true justice between man and man, 9 if he walks in My statutes and My ordinances so as to deal faithfully — he is righteous and will surely live,” declares the Lord God.

“Then he may have a violent son who sheds blood and who does any of these things to a brother (though he himself did not do any of these things), that is, he even eats at the mountain shrines, and defiles his neighbor’s wife, oppresses the poor and needy, commits robbery, does not restore a pledge, but lifts up his eyes to the idols and commits abomination, he lends money on interest and takes increase; will he live? He will not live! He has committed all these abominations, he will surely be put to death; his blood will be on his own head. (vss. 6-13)

You may think that God is being a little tedious by laying out such a lengthy explanation of His judgment. Clearly it is necessary, however, given that His enemy, Satan, is constantly trying to convince people that God is arbitrary, vindictive, capricious, and unjustly plays favorites. Even today it seems that we are prone to think of Him that way.

Therefore, in revealing His justice, God is making an air-tight statement that He holds each person personally responsible. He goes to the trouble of showing how He handles each generation. If a father loves Him and practices obedience, he is blessed. If his son hates and practices disobedience, he is punished.

“Now behold, he has a son who has observed all his father’s sins which he committed, and observing does not do likewise. “He does not eat at the mountain shrines or lift up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, or defile his neighbor’s wife, or oppress anyone, or retain a pledge, or commit robbery, but he gives his bread to the hungry and covers the naked with clothing, he keeps his hand from the poor, does not take interest or increase, but executes My ordinances, and walks in My statutes; he will not die for his father’s iniquity, he will surely live. “As for his father, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was not good among his people, behold, he will die for his iniquity.”

“Yet you say, ‘Why should the son not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity?’ When the son has practiced justice and righteousness and has observed all My statutes and done them, he shall surely live. “The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself.” (vss. 14-20)

This is very clear and concise; in short, God is not unfair. He holds each person responsible for his own decisions, blessing those who love Him, and punishing those who hate Him to give them an opportunity to repent.

In truth, only one person has ever born the punishment for the sins of another, and that is God Himself, in the person of Jesus. His justice is so absolute, so unyielding and true, that He could not just capriciously wink at our sin and sweep it under the rug. No, His justice demanded that the penalty be paid.

His mercy and compassion, however, were so perfect and unwavering that He would pour out His wrath on His own Son, so that we might be forgiven and blessed.

Jesus Became The Curse

Galatians 3:13:

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us — for it is written, “CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE”

The curse, or punishment, proscribed in the law is the wages of sin. Deuteronomy 28 spells out at great length God’s blessings for practicing obedience, and His punishment for practicing disobedience. Of course, ultimately, the penalty for sin is death. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

When Jesus laid down His perfect, righteous life, He completely absorbed the wrath and punishment, the curse, for our sin. There was nothing withheld. He drained the cup of humanities vilest most depraved sin to the dregs. So hideous was the sight of all sin, that His Father turned His back on Him, and for the first time since before there was time, the Father separated from the Son, as Jesus cried out in utter anguish, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?!”

So intense was God’s wrath for sin that Jesus was beaten beyond recognition as a man. Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22 detail the brutality of the beating inflicted on the Lord. All of His bones were disjointed. His flesh flayed open, hung in quivering ribbons, exposing His organs. People could not bear to look upon His visage, so savage and severe was His punishment. His sacrifice was sufficient, covering all sin, leaving no wrath, no curse, unabsorbed or unbroken.

For those who repent from sin, and receive Jesus’ sacrifice, and practice love and obedience to Him, there is no curse, no condemnation; only freedom and blessing.

A New Creation

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) Because of the sufficiency and completeness of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, it covers every sin, cleanses every stain, heals every wound, and yes, breaks every curse for those who repent and are saved. By faith, our old identity as a guilty son of Adam under the penalty or curse of death for breaking God’s commandments, is buried under the baptismal waters. We emerge from that watery grave with a brand new identity: son of God, completely innocent of sin, blessed and highly favored. We are like the three Hebrew children, emerging from the furnace without even a hint of smoke.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4)

When we choose to walk in loving obedience to God’s commandments, we no longer walk-that is to say live-according to sinful desires in our flesh, our senses. We are now empowered by the Spirit to walk in newness of life, overwhelmingly conquering sin. “So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36)

If we do slip and fall into a sin, as the Apostle Paul explains in Romans 7, it is no longer we who sin, but the cadaveric spasms of our former self who was crucified with Christ. It is not our practice, as born-again Christians, to break God’s commandments; but when we slip and fall, God’s grace is there to catch us, just as Psalm 91:12 indicates. Yet, as Jesus rightly noted, we don’t tempt God by jumping into sin.

No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. (1 John 3:9)

Conspicuous Absence

Our faith, as Christians, is founded on the Word of God, the apostolic faith handed down to the New Testament Church, and the example of Jesus, our Lord. From the beginning Satan has attempted to draw Christians away from that foundation through subtle heresies and false teachings. That is why we must fight against every falsehood, and pattern our beliefs after the example in the Bible.

Beloved, while I was making every effort to write you about our common salvation, I felt the necessity to write to you appealing that you contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all handed down to the saints. (Jude 3-4)

It should not escape our notice that Jesus never, not one time, identified a generational curse on a person, and led them to renounce it and break its power. Likewise, there is not a solitary example of the New Testament Churches holding deliverances for generational curses. We have no Biblical instruction, no authority to do so.

Summing Up

The generational curses doctrine does not stand under Biblical scrutiny. It is built on a proof-text coupled with human reasoning. The clear consistent testimony of Scripture is that God is perfectly fair, holding each person responsible for their own choices, neither punishing the innocent nor absolving the guilty. Christians are not accursed because Jesus became the curse in His death on the cross so that Christians could receive the blessing of His unblemished perfection and eternal life. The old guilty man under punishment for sin dies at baptism. The new innocent man under God’s blessing and favor emerges from baptism. There is no example of Jesus or the New Testament Church teaching or practicing the breaking of generational curses

Intercessory Prayer

Let’s turn our attention now to the doctrine, or teaching, of intercessory prayer. Literally, the word intercession is comprised of two parts, inter-meaning between, and cede-meaning to step or come. Putting the two together, the meaning is to come or step between someone and God in prayer. This carries the idea of assailing, or making urgent requests of God on behalf of another.

The proponents of intercessory prayer view intercessory prayer as a calling or anointing from God. They see their role as that of a mediator, stepping into the gap between a just God and sinful people. While there are many Biblical examples, indeed mandates, of Christians earnestly praying on behalf of others. There is a subtle, but important distinction between offering petitions and standing in the gap, or becoming a mediator.

Moses, Ezekiel, Joshua, Samuel, Jeremiah, Job, Daniel, and many others in the Old Testament stood before the Lord and made requests on behalf of others. Each one of these men is part of the Christian Church, included in the great cloud of witnesses mentioned in Hebrews chapter 11, for their faithfulness. Obviously God moved them to faithfully pray for their brothers and sisters. But did any of them intercede, stand in the gap, mediate, or propitiate on behalf of others?

As faithful as they were, none of the aforementioned saints could stand in the gap for someone else, because each was guilty of his own sin and required a mediator himself. “There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, there is none who seeks for God; all have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is none who does good, not even one.” (Romans 3:12) Again, “ ... all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...” (Romans 3:23)

“For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself as a ransom for all...” (1 Timothy 2:5-6)

As much as we strive to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, we all fall short of the required perfection to intercede for another. Our righteousness, apart from Jesus, is dingy indeed against the backdrop of God’s absolute Holiness.

“But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags...” (Isaiah 64:6)

So we see that, while it is right for all Christians to earnestly and faithfully pray on behalf of others, we can in no way intercede for them. We ourselves have a gulf fixed between our deeds and God’s Holy standard. We can in no way step into that chasm for someone else. On the contrary, we often don’t know what to pray.

“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27)

________

A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

Mark 10:14

1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely: don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for such a short time-please take this time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement, but not your praise, to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself.

Permit me to fail; so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

9. Please don't be afraid to leave for the weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids.

Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

Why Are Parents So Unhappy?

Christians must see children as gifts from God, not as projects, understanding family life as a crucible for holiness, not an experiment in happiness.

________

NEW YORK MAGAZINE had a fascinating article about children and happiness. Not the happiness of children, but the debate over whether having children makes for parental happiness. Looking first to the sociological and psychological data, the picture looks bleak. According to the current scholarly consensus, parents are more likely to be depressed than non-parents, and parents report themselves as less happy as well.

In her article, “All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting,” writer Jennifer Senior wonders aloud why parents seem to be less happy than non-parents, but simultaneously claim that parenthood is such a great thing. What is the disconnect?

“From the perspective of the species, it’s perfectly unmysterious why people have children,” writes Senior. “From the perspective of the individual, however, it’s more of a mystery than one might think. Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so.”

Trust me on this — you really do not need to read through those academic research papers. Here is a summary: The “scholarly consensus” is that children and parental happiness just do not go together. According to the data, parents are less happy than non-parents, parents of infants and toddlers are especially not happy, single parents are less happy than married parents, and mothers are less happy than fathers. Except, that is, when it comes to single fathers, who are the most unhappy of all.

And yet, people continue to insist and hope that having children will make them happier. Why? “One answer could simply be that parents are deluded, in the grip of some false consciousness that’s good for mankind but not for men and women in particular,” Senior explains.

There is good reason to doubt the value of much social science research and many psychological studies. Nevertheless, taking the data at face value is an interesting exercise in thinking about the nature of parenthood and the question of human happiness.

In the most important section of her article, Jennifer Senior tellingly suggests that what might have changed is the way we view children and parenthood. In her words, “the possibility that parents don’t much enjoy parenting because the experience of raising children has fundamentally changed.” This is where her article becomes especially important.

She writes:

Before urbanization, children were viewed as economic assets to

their parents. If you had a farm, they toiled alongside you to

maintain its upkeep; if you had a family business, the kids

helped mind the store. But all of this dramatically changed with

the moral and technological revolutions of modernity. As we

gained in prosperity, childhood came increasingly to be viewed as

a protected, privileged time, and once college degrees became

essential to getting ahead, children became not only a great

expense but subjects to be sculpted, stimulated, instructed,

groomed. (The Princeton sociologist Viviana Zelizer describes

this transformation of a child’s value in five ruthless words:

“Economically worthless but emotionally priceless.”) Kids, in

short, went from being our staffs to being our bosses.

Interestingly, Senior introduces this article with a spectacularly horrifying account of a mother trying to cajole her eight-year-old son away from the computer in order to do his homework. The account comes from the massive film project undertaken by the UCLA Center on Everyday Lives of Families. These hundreds of hours of recorded middle-class family life show over and over again that many, if not most, parents see themselves as constant negotiators with their strong-willed children. The absence of parental authority and control is genuinely horrifying. One UCLA graduate student described the experience of watching the recordings as “the very purest form of birth control ever devised. Ever.”

What Jennifer Senior actually chronicles in her essay is the fact that parents now see children as projects to be developed. These children — especially those in middle and upper-middle class families — are constantly en route to one practice or another, subjected to class after class, and pushed into the level of academic and social success that their parents think absolutely necessary for success in life. These parents feel guilty if they allow a single opportunity for organized play or a learning activity to pass.

Yes, parenthood HAS changed. Many parents DO see their children as described by Senior — as “subjects to be sculpted, stimulated, instructed, groomed.” Parental authority is replaced by constant power struggles, lest the children be psychologically warped by a parent who stands in authority. Discipline is replaced by never-ending negotiation. The peace of the home is replaced by constant activity and frenetic energy. The earliest years of a child’s life are increasingly filled with organized activity and institutional settings.

No wonder parents are less happy now. Add to this the very important insight Senior offers about the age of parenthood. As she suggests, when couples postpone parenthood for so many years, building careers and social lives and professional profiles, parenthood can seem more an interruption than a blessing.

Senior cites psychologist Jean Twenge, “They become parents later in life. There’s a loss of freedom, a loss of autonomy. It’s totally different from going from your parents’ house to immediately having a baby. Now you know what you’re giving up.”

The Christian understanding of children and parenthood just doesn’t fit these categories. The first problem is the isolation of happiness as the major concern. Interestingly enough, the Bible doesn’t seem overly concerned with human happiness. One reason for this is surely that happiness is just too passing as a perception, and too inadequate as a category. In a fallen world, the wrong things will make us happy or unhappy. Add to this the fact that we seem to be largely incompetent at making ourselves happy, or even at knowing what will make us happy. Go figure.

The second problem is the fact that marriage and children now appear on our cultural screen as personal choices, rather than as the norm and expectation. Once these responsibilities are transformed into choices, the only reason to choose them is if we believe they will make us happy. If we do not find ourselves adequately compensated — especially in emotional terms — for making this choice, we assume it was the wrong choice.

The third problem has to do with the changes in parenting that Jennifer Senior documents in her essay. From a biblical perspective, these are not healthy changes. When children gain control of the household, the home is robbed of order, health, and peace. The child is robbed of what he or she needs most — a loving parent who is undeniably in authority.

Christians must see children as gifts from God, not as projects. We should see marriage and parenthood as a stewardship and privilege, not as a mere lifestyle choice. We must resist the cultural seductions and raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and understand family life as a crucible for holiness, not an experiment in happiness.

And when it comes to happiness, we must aim for something higher. Christians are called to joy and satisfaction in Christ, and to find joy in the duties and privileges of this earthly life. Every parent will know moments of honest unhappiness, but the Christian parent settles for nothing less than joy.

The 'Crews Missile' and Christmas

Luke 15:11

Have you heard about the “Crews missile”?

It was launched by Nick Crews, 67, a retired British Royal Navy submarine commander. But it wasn’t a torpedo aimed at the empire’s enemies; it was an email aimed at his three adult children. It blew up family relations -- and created a furor in England and beyond after his eldest daughter, 40-year-old Emily, released the message to the media.

Fed up with his children’s career failures, divorces and other assorted dysfunctions, angry at the toll their constant crises had taken on his wife and anxious about the future for his grandchildren, Crews let ‘em have it. Here’s an excerpt from his “Dear all three” email:

“Mum and I have been used to taking our own misfortunes on the chin, and making our own effort to bash our little paths through life without being a burden to others. Having done our best -- probably misguidedly -- to provide for our children, we naturally hoped to see them in turn take up their own banners and provide happy and stable homes for their own children. ... [Y]et each of you has contrived to avoid even moderate achievement. Far from your children being able to rely on your provision, they are faced with needing to survive their introduction to life with you as parents. ... none of [whom has] the maturity and sound judgment to make [wise] decisions.”

He closed with this:

“I can now tell you that I for one ... have had enough of being forced to live through the never-ending bad dream of our children’s underachievement and domestic ineptitudes. I want to hear no more from any of you until, if you feel inclined, you have a success or an achievement or a realistic plan for the support and happiness of your children to tell me about. I don’t want to see your mother burdened anymore with your miserable woes. ... I am bitterly, bitterly disappointed. Dad.”

Tough love? Crews has become both a hero and a villain in England since his blunt message became public, setting off a media storm and provoking thousands of responses. Many Britons admire his hard-hitting candor in an age of endless excuse making for personal irresponsibility. Others condemn him as unfeeling and cruel.

“My parents just don’t do tea and sympathy and never have,” reported daughter Emily, who said she was devastated by her father’s words but admitted they contain a lot of truth. Her two younger siblings insist on an apology; 35-year-old brother Fred refuses to speak to Dad until he gets one.

In a subsequent interview with the London Daily Mail, Crews said he “hated having to send [the email] and I have examined my conscience. ... I still mean every word.”

Navy commanders aren’t known for giving gentle feedback. My maternal grandfather was a ship captain, and I’ve heard lots of stories about the rough justice he delivered when his kids went astray. Sometimes it worked; sometimes it backfired. As an occasionally exasperated father, I can sympathize with Crews. As a son who inspired similar fury and despair in the hearts of my own parents more than once, I also sympathize with his children.

But angry tirades about the failings of others don’t work, contends New York Times writer David Brooks in a column about Crews. “People don’t behave badly because they lack information about their shortcomings. They behave badly because they’ve fallen into patterns of destructive behavior from which they’re unable to escape,” Brooks writes. True enough, but he proceeds to serve up warmed-over recommendations about rewarding good behaviors and ignoring bad ones. That doesn’t work in the long run, either, if the darkness inside our hearts doesn’t change.

Why do I bring up this painful family episode so close to Christmas? When I first read about Nick Crews and his anguish over his children, I thought about God, our Father. In many Bible passages, the Lord speaks of His despair and wrath caused by the sins of His people. The Old Testament prophets record a long litany of His bitter disappointments (as Crews might describe them) in His wayward children.

“I have spread out My hands all day long to a rebellious people,” the Lord cried, “who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts, a people who continually provoke Me to My face ...” (Isaiah 65:2-3). But God also promised a sign in that same great book of prophecy: “Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel” (Isaiah 7:14b).

Some 600 years before the birth of Christ, a Father whose heart had already been broken countless times was planning an act of love that would go far beyond the imagination of any earthly mind. What if He had washed His hands of us altogether? What if He had told us never to seek Him again until we could redeem our own hopelessly evil selves?

Instead, He came to live among us as a servant and went to the cross to make a way for us to return to Him.

Yes, there will be consequences -- eternal ones -- for every soul that rejects the amazing grace of God offered through His Son. But for now, the offer stands.

Here’s the message of Christmas: A loving Father is still waiting for us to come home.

Estrangement: the Silent Epidemic

Job 19:13

When ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough, take these steps to encourage healing and reconciliation.

________

Many families endure fights, says Susan Kuczmarski, an expert on family relationships who teaches at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, but some of the feuds linger, and the chasms that separate parents and their adult children are among the most painful.

Joshua Coleman, is co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families who runs a webinar for parents who want to improve relations with their adult children. He sees so much of this problem that he calls parent/adult child estrangement a silent epidemic. “Nobody wants to talk about this,” he says.

And yet people are more than willing to share their stories online. Coleman’s web forums are teeming with questions from parents seeking answers about how to heal. The Experience Project hosts a support group for parents of disaffected children. The stories are heart-wrenching — no matter how old the children, the parents want them back in their lives.

Ties That Do Not Bind

Unfortunately, when the hurt has been going on for a long time, simply saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough. “First you have to recognize what caused the rupture,” Kuczmarksi says, “and you might not like what you find.” Perhaps you crossed a line. Or maybe you said or did something that your child experienced as deeply wounding even if you never intended to hurt her.

The other possibility is that you might discover — or be forced to finally acknowledge — that something is “not quite right” with your child. Rick Casey, who refused to underwrite his son Evan’s fantasy of a post-college “year of spirituality,” cannot make peace with him a decade later.

“I could have afforded to pay for the trip. But I thought it would build his character if he worked for a bit and saved money to help finance it,” Casey says. “Instead he got furious at me. Every six months I suggest we have dinner. He’ll pick a really expensive restaurant and I go along with it because I think, Maybe he’s past his anger and wants a relationship. At the end of the meal, though, he’ll push his chair back, tell me how I ruined his life, call me a tightwad — even though I’m paying for dinner — and walk out in a huff.”

Sometimes an adult child’s behavior is so bizarre that there might be a personality disorder or mental illness at play. Rick speculated, reluctantly, that his son may be clinically depressed since he hasn’t been able to stick with a job for more than a few months.

Sometimes you never know what’s really going on. Martha Reilly had a pretty good relationship with her son, Adam — until he got married. “Emma’s family is quite rich — we thought they looked down on my second husband and me because we’re schoolteachers who live modestly,” Martha explains. “At first Emma would invite us over for holidays, yet none of her family would speak to us. When we asked Adam what was going on, he just shrugged. Then he said he was annoyed with us for being so petty.

“The invites stopped coming. Eventually Adam stopped visiting us too,” she continues. “We see him rarely anymore, and when we do, he’s a different person — nervous, agitated.” Martha expressed concern that Emma seemed to be controlling her son.

“I called him to say we were sorry that we had spoken negatively about his in-laws,” she said. “He shouted at me, ‘You just don’t get it.’ He’s right; I don’t. But I am worried about his mental health.”

Steps Toward Forgiveness

No matter how severe the alienation, family experts believe that adult children can come around to forgiving their parents (unless, of course, the parent was abusive or complicit in abuse). “You just have to lower your expectations and take it slowly,” Kuczmarski advises. When “I’m sorry” isn’t enough, think about your own behavior and try different forms of rapprochement that go beyond words.

• Try to understand. Even if you’re convinced you’ve done “nothing,” you have done “something.” After all, you are the parent. You were (and continue to be) a powerful figure in your child’s emotional life. Sometimes there’s a nugget of truth in an adult child’s complaints. For example, your behavior may have inadvertently suggested to one child that you favored the other — regardless of whether you felt that way. So the first step to making amends is to listen carefully to what your child is trying to tell you.

• Don’t be defensive. “Nothing can dilute an apology more than self righteousness,” Kuczmarski says. How can you expect your child to believe you mean you are sincerely sorry if you follow the apology with words that indicate you believe you’re right while your child is wrong?

• Put it in writing. Sometimes a letter works better than a conversation. “Words on paper can be read over and over so your child can absorb your apology,” Kuczmarski says.

• Be humble. It takes a lot of gumption to admit you’ve made a mistake. Plus, you’re modeling positive family behavior. Kuczmarski believes families should talk out problems and be honest about their feelings.

• Avoid engaging. Should your adult child feel the need to continue the fight, let her know that, for you, the argument is over. That might irk her because she’s still angry, but in the long run it can have positive consequences. You are less likely to say hurtful things in response to the child’s anger. Also, retreating from the battleground reinforces that you want to make peace.

• Find an intermediary. Perhaps you can persuade a friend or family member to approach your child with your olive branch. She may be more receptive if she hears from someone else that you would like to mend the break, Kuczmarski says. Be aware, however, that you are asking a lot here, since your surrogate could become a lightning rod for your child’s rage.

• Persevere. It may take many talks or letters to bring around an alienated child. But years may eventually wear away their defenses or soften their anger. You might also want to suggest counseling sessions (which you will pay for). If you don’t live in the same city, perhaps you can find a therapist who works with Skype.

In the meantime, if your child continues to rebuff your overtures, keep in mind this is an opportunity for you to focus on yourself. “Even people who have healthy relationships with their adult children enter a stage when they don’t need to focus so much on parenting. So give yourself permission to put the estranged child heartache on the back burner while you enjoy new experiences,” Kuczmarski suggests.

Even as you’re doing that, though, never give up on your child. “The next communication may be the one that sparks a reconnection.”