114 Sermon Illustrations on Guilt

We bear guilt due to sin. Do Christians harp too much on it, make people sick so we can "forgive" them? British religion writer Gerald Priestland thought so, and discovered forgiveness on the psychiatrist's couch.

Stott - we tell people they are sick because they actually are, and Jesus is the Great Physician. Jesus claimed all people need healing. Those who feel healthy and have no need of Christian "salvation" are sickest of all. Gospel is contrasted with secular attitudes toward sin and guilt.

Yancey grew up in bigoted fundamentalism. Guilt is ingrained in him, but this is not necessarily bad. A survey he filled out asked him to assess the positive and negative effects of growing up a fundamentalist.

Lonely woman met widower at church, had an affair. She had no guilt or remorse. "He makes me feel wonderful about myself and I help to meet some of his needs," she told Campolo. "Nobody's hurt. Nobody suffers."

"What about Jesus?" Campolo responded. Her sin causes him to suffer, even if no one else does.

#758

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Even psychiatrists see the value of guilt.

Dr. Willard Gaylin is the professor of psychiatry at Columbia University. In a recent article he wrote: "When you have actually done something morally wrong, it is always good to experience guilt - always."

If you never experience guilt, you have no standards of decency.

Sermon on guilt.

1. Many people are destroyed by guilt.

a. It is not a religious invention to control people.

b. Guilt really exists.

2. What is guilt?

a. Objective reality.

b. Emotional response.

3. How to remove guilt.

a. Price must be paid.

b. Confession of sin.

c. Sorrow for sin.

d. Fruit of repentance.

4. Accept God's forgiveness.

a. Peace of mind results.

Old story: A man and his son were riding on their heavily-burdened donkey when a passer-by rebuked them. "Why are you burdening that poor beast? Don't you know that he is as much a creature of God as you are?" The man, ashamed, got down off the donkey. A few yards later, the boy got off. When they entered the town, each of them was carrying the donkey's burdens. By the time they left the town, they were carrying the donkey.

Some people are overly sensitive to suggestions and criticism.

In "A Forgiving God in an Unforgiving World," Ron Lee Davis retells the true story of a priest in the Philippines, a much-loved man of God who carried the burden of a secret sin he had committed many years before. He had repented but still had no peace, no sense of God's forgiveness.

In his parish was a woman who deeply loved God and who claimed to have visions in which she spoke with Christ and he with her. The priest, however, was skeptical. To test her he said, "The next time you speak with Christ, I want you to ask him what sin your priest committed while he was in seminary." The woman agreed.

A few days later the priest asked, "Well, did Christ visit you in your dreams?"

"Yes, he did," she replied.

"And did you ask him what sin I committed in seminary?"

"Yes."

"Well, what did he say?"

"He said, 'I don't remember.'"

What God forgives, he forgets.

#2045

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The Law.

One of the vivid memories I have of childhood goes back to a vacation our family was on.

Our station wagon was packed with sleeping bags and kids, and we were making our way through some nameless city. Eventually we came to a particularly complicated intersection, which was cluttered with traffic lights and route signs. My father had pulled up too far to see his signal, so he waited for the one ahead to change, then he went across.

My vivid memory is my Dad's reaction when he saw the police car lights in the rearview mirror. He slammed his fist on the steering wheel, cursed out loud and pulled over. My dad was polite enough when the officer gave him the ticket (but we were under the threat of physical abuse if we opened our mouths).

I quickly learned two things about the law - you never give it a thought until you break it, and you're caught.

Lawrence Wright's "Remembering Satan" is a chilling true-crime narrative

about false-memory syndrome gone haywire. A few years ago in Olympia,

Washington, two sisters, 18 and 20, began to talk, separately, about gross

sexual abuse each said she had experienced as a child and had only recently

begun to remember. Charges were filed against the girls' father, Paul Ingram,

who seemed dazed and confused, but who denied them.

Ingram was the chief civil deputy of the county sheriff's department and

chairman of the local Republican Party. He was also a religious

Fundamentalist. With great earnestness he told investigators - his fellow

officers - that although he knew his children did not lie, he couldn't

remember any episodes of abuse. The associate pastor of his small religious

sect urged him to let go, to remember what he was repressing. God wouldn't

let him remember falsely, the pastor said.

Eventually, Ingram developed a technique for recovering memories. He took

each fresh, unfamiliar accusation and prayed over it until he went into a

trancelike haze. Two or three days later he would offer his interrogators a

detailed script of the scene, complete with dialogue and a cast list.

Lists were needed because the sisters' denunciations came to include their

mother and two adult brothers; two of their father's male friends (against

whom charges were brought); a sister of one of these men; assorted other

children and adults; additional members of the sheriff's department, including

the most convinced of the investigators; and a couple of police dogs used by

the department. Quite late in the process the notion of satanic rituals was

introduced by an investigator and enthusiastically agreed to by the sisters,

who had recently seen a Geraldo Rivera TV show on the subject. One sister

said that over several years she had been forced to witness the ritual murders

of 25 people and that an aborted fetus from her own pregnancy had been

ritually dismembered.

No dead babies were ever found, nor any evidence of pregnancy or abortion.

Nor did the sisters turn out to have the scars they claimed to have received

from ritual burnings and knifings. There was no physical evidence of any

kind. Further, the stories told separately by the sisters did not agree. As

the membership of the supposed satanic cult began to take on the size of an

amateur theatrical troupe and as the other Ingram family members began to

sound doubtful about their confessions, charges against Ingram's two male

friends were dropped and the investigation collapsed. Its premise, Wright

reflects, "was that something must have happened. At no time did the

detectives ever consider the possibility that the source of the memories was

the investigation itself - there was no other reality."

Paul Ingram, however, had already confessed. Appeals have failed, and he is

serving a 20-year prison sentence. Wright quotes with approval a troubling

question asked a couple of years ago by psychologist Elizabeth Loftus: "Is it

fair to compare the current growth of cases of repressed memory of child abuse

to the witch crazes of several centuries ago?"

#2972

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Shame can’t be legislated, but must arise out of the “moral sense” that exists in all humans. Theologian Richard John Neuhaus thinks that shame faded away not in the moral relativism of the 1960s, as is usually argued, but in the Pollyannaish 1950s, when spiritual leaders like Norman Vincent Peale argued that “you could have the positive side without the negative, which is philosophically and practically impossible.” After all, adds Neuhaus, “we SHOULD dislike much about ourselves, because there is much about ourselves that is not only profoundly dislikable but odious. It’s not for nothing that the Ten Commandments are put in the negative.”

Properly calibrated, shame falls somewhere between mild embarrassment and cruel humiliation. The goal is not mere retribution but conformity - good conformity, the kind that makes it easier for people to form communities. Somewhere along the line shame picked up a priggish, finger-wagging connotation that has lingered in our moral attics. But now the pendulum seems to be swinging again, this time away from making people feel good when they do bad. I’m OK, You’re Not.

In the wrong hands, shame is the nitroglycerin of emotions. WWII was largely the result of the humiliation of Germany after WWI. ... But if the means of provoking shame are rooted in hardheaded compassion, the results can indeed be redemptive. The kneeling technique with juvenile offenders and other techniques that show signs of success depend not on imposing shame but imposing punishment - then giving the person a choice of feeling shame as a way back to the fold. [Examples of legal impositions of shame given.] Requiring a father who is not paying child support to stand outside the courthouse with a sign stating NEED JOB TO SUPPORT CHILDREN may have been “a throwback to the days of the stockades,” as an Indiana court said. But agencies that help people collect child support say that one of the most effective and little-used techniques available is for the wife to carry a sign denouncing her ex-husband outside his office.

Shame’s usefulness against crime is limited. Public humiliation tends to harden people. “Bringing back a stigma is not going to work for people for whom it was never there to begin with,” says Judge Joe E. Brown. But the public is open to a little humiliation. Author David Anderson calls this “expressive justice.”

“A stronger sense of shame about illegitimacy and divorce would do more than any tax cut, or any new government program, to improve the life circumstances of children,” says David Blankenhorn. “Compassion doesn’t mean accepting whatever other people do. And judgment doesn’t mean being hard-hearted.”

This raises the larger problem with shame: it’s so much easier to judge others than it is to judge ourselves. Child abuse and drunk driving are easy. But single-parenthood and divorce strike close to home. Restoring shame requires being judgmental. That makes people uncomfortable. Indeed, breaking through to a clearer sense of shame may require nothing short of IN-tolerance, a word that has received a bad rap in recent years. Shame means being intolerant of certain types of behavior that are either illegal or simply destructive to the social contract. If the public believes that those who transgress will be called to account, its cynicism may ease a bit. That could make a little more finger-pointing worthwhile.

[Sidebar on “Megan’s Law” and vigilantism in New Jersey.]

Forgiveness is illogical and unjust, but the only alternative to endless bloodshed and hatred.

I. "The Sunflower" by Simon Wiesenthal.

A. SS soldier Karl asks for forgiveness.

B. 30 troops had been killed by booby traps in Dnyepropetrovsk,

Ukraine, and so 300 Jews where herded into a three-story

building and set ablaze.

"I am left here with my guilt," Karl concluded at last." In the

last hours of my life you are with me. I do not know who you are,

I know only that you are a Jew and that is enough. I know that

what I have told you is terrible. In the long nights while I have

been waiting for death, time and time again I have longed to talk

about it to a Jew and beg forgiveness from him. Only I didn't know

whether there were any Jews left.... I know what I am asking is

almost too much for you, but without your answer I cannot die in

peace." Simon Wiesenthal, an architect in his early twenties, now

a prisoner dressed in a shabby uniform marked with the yellow Star

of David, felt the entire weight of his race bearing down on him.

He stared out the window at the sunlit courtyard. He looked at

the eyeless heap of bandages lying in the bed." At last I made up

my mind," he writes, "and without a word I left the room."

A. Haunted by the hospital scene, he asked 32 people of various

faiths and backgrounds to comment.

"What would you have done in my place?" he asked.

"Did I do right?"

1) Out of 32 writers, only 6 said he had done wrong.

2) He had no authority to forgive on behalf of others.

3) The crimes were too enormous to be forgiven.

a) "Let the SS man die unshriven. Let him go to hell."

4) The whole concept of forgiveness is wrong.

a) It is merely an act of sensual pleasure.

II. Unforgiveness has a terrible, crystalline logic.

A. In a world of unspeakable atrocity, forgiveness seems

unjust, unfair, irrational.

1) Philosopher Herbert Marcuse said, "One cannot, and should

not, go around happily killing and torturing and then,

when the moment has come, simply ask, and receive,

forgiveness."

B. There is conflict between justice and forgiveness in Christianity.

1) Some, like Luther, assign justice to Caesar and forgiveness

to the church (and individuals).

2) Is it too much to expect high ethical ideas to be transferred

to the brutal world of politics and diplomacy?

III. Comparisons with Bosnia.

A. Forgiveness has one thing going for it - it is the alternative.

1) Where unforgiveness reigns, essayist Lance Morrow has pointed

out, a Newtonian law comes into play:For every atrocity

there must be an equal and opposite atrocity.

2) Serbs are following the terrible logic of unforgiveness.

a) The Nazis tried to "cleanse" the Serbs in WWII.

b) Serbs kill tens of thousands; Croats killed hundreds of

thousands.

3) One major flaw in the inexorable law of revenge: it never

settles the score.

a) The Turks got revenge in 1389, at the Battle of Kesovo;

the Croats got it in the 1940s, now it's our turn, say

the Serbs.

b) If everyone were to follow the "eye for an eye" principle

of justice, said Gandhi, the whole world would go

blind.

c) "As long as you cling to 'justice' you will never be

guiltless of injustice... In reality, insistence on

justice is servitude. Only forgiveness frees us from

the injustice of others." Theologian Romano Guardini

B. Examples of law of unforgiveness in history:

1) "Godfather" trilogy.

2) IRA bombings because of atrocities committed by Cromwell.

3) Republics of Soviet Union.(Chechnya)

4) Iran's plea for apology from President Carter.

IV. Forgiveness in the arena of nations.

A. Germany and reparations to Israel. East Germany followed.

B. 1983 mass by Pope John Paul II in Warsaw, with throngs of

worshippers passing the Communist party's Central Committee

Building and chanting in unison, "We forgive you! We forgive

you!"

C. Civil War in America. Tecumseh Sherman and "scorched earth."

D. Racism in America shows that forgiveness in itself does not

undo injustice. Yet blacks voted for George Wallace.

V. Forgiveness focuses on individual, personal acts.

A. The cure, like a vaccine, must be applied one person at a time.

1) Martin Luther King, Jr., in Birmingham jail.

2) Corrie Ten Boom.

3) John Paul II went into the bowels of Rome's Rebibbia prison

to visit Mehmet Ali Agca, a hired assassin who had tried

to kill him and nearly succeeded. "I forgive you," said

the Pope, as video cameras whirred.

4) There will be no escape until our hearts are changed.

B. The Pope is an image of one who did not survive an

assassination - Jesus.

1) Pilate, soldiers, etc, were "just doing their job,"

similar to excuse of Nazis.

2) The Cross put an end to the law of eternal consequences.

3) The leap from personal forgiveness to corporate forgiveness

crosses a deep chasm.We need only to look at Christian

history after the Cross.

C. Forgiveness can be a powerful weapon in the making of peace.

[see also HolwickID #986 and #17244]

Sermon in King David series. David & Bathsheba. 2 Samuel 11 & 12

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MOTEL ROOM THEOLOGY

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I. Comfort, or conviction?

II. The five-fold cycle of sin.

A. The actual sin.

1) Are sins nuisances or cancer?

2) David progresses from one sin to another in a downward spiral.

3) Is adultery a big deal anymore?

B. Guilt.

1) David quietly struggles with his guilt.

2) False and true guilt.

C. Repentance.

1) Restoring a right relationship with God is paramount. Ps 51

2) The objective of repentance is to bridge the gulf before God.

D. Punishment.

1) How God punishes people.

2) You don't just affect yourself.

E. Forgiveness.

1) When we do sin, we face choices on how to respond.

2) God is greater than our consciences. Psalm 32

III. It is time to get serious about sin.

A. We don't just affect ourselves, but everyone around us.

B. Don't just avoid sin, but uphold faithfulness.

C. Anything we have done, can be undone. Our God is a forgiving God.

Catherine Marshall tells in one of her books about how devastated she was when, following a routine physical examination, she was informed that she had tuberculosis. She was not mentally prepared for that. No one ever is.

She was ordered to bed 24 hours a day indefinitely. Fifteen months later, she had gained 15 pounds. After a year and a half in bed, there was no noticeable progress. It was at this point that tormenting thoughts began inundating her mind. Had she committed some unforgivable sin at sometime in her life? Had she wronged someone and needed to make things right with them?

Was there something about her life so offensive to God that her prayers were being short-circuited? What could she do? She apologized to her husband for everything she could think to apologize for. She wrote acquaintances and purged her conscience. She prayed to God and asked what else she could do.

What else could she do? Finally, one day she conceded defeat. She had run out of ideas. She had fought and struggled, and worried until there was nothing left. Standing by her bedroom window, she prayed. The prayer, recorded in her diary, was: “From this moment I promise that I’ll try to do whatever you tell me for the rest of my life, insofar as you’ll make it clear to me what your wishes are. I’m weak and many times I’ll probably renege on this. But Lord, you’ll have to help me with that too.” That was the moment of surrender. She got out of the way. Within six weeks, her condition improved until she was taking walks, working in the garden, making jelly, and eventually resumed her “normal life.”

Catherine Marshall’s story may be summarized in these words: God can, if we will let him.

________

Larry Powell, BLOW THE SILVER TRUMPETS, CSS Publishing Company,

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[Original illustration at this number was deleted for being obsolete]

Even Jesus didn't do it all. [main source for 10/19/97 sermon]

I. Jesus' verses that tell us to give all. Mt 5:42; Mk 8:34

A. Too much ministry.

B. Crises.

C. Stress.

D. Serving more, but enjoying it less.

II. How to handle people's demands.

A. When you need to set boundaries. [sidebar]

1) Your time and conversations are consumed by ministry.

2) You have nothing to give, even if you WANT to serve.

3) You feel persistently tired or resentful.

4) You no longer see fruit from your service.

B. Set healthy boundaries.

1) Escape on boat. Mk 3:9-10 (LB only)

2) Stay near people and minister, but keep self from being

crushed.

III. Boundary #1. Listen to the Father, not the crowd.

A. "How did I get into doing all this?"

1) List the immediate reasons.

2) Deeper reason - we never say no.

a) We want people to like us.

b) We want to be loved and affirmed. (approval)

B. Jesus had only one boss. Jn 8:28; 9:4

1) He was sometimes so busy he didn't have time to eat. Mk 3:20f

2) Other times he abandoned the crowd for solitude. Mt 14:22-23

a) He went away from people's needs and into God's presence.

3) We can say no, if we say yes to something more powerful.

a) Say yes to God, who loves and accepts us.

4) Jesus didn't burn out because he listened to the Father.

a) Don't listen to crowd.

b) God gives strength to say no.

c) God gives a healthy boundary against insecurity-driven

over-commitment.

IV. Boundary #2. Find your specific mission.

A. God hasn't asked us to do everything.

1) (I can do everything through him who gives me strength??)

2) Jesus had a specific, narrowly defined ministry.

a) Lost sheep of Israel. Matt 15:24 (crumbs)

1> (Romans had 57,000 miles of roads)

b) He focused.

B. What is our focus? Calling?

1) If you are a husband, you have certain priorities.

C. God will give you strength for what he has specifically called

you to do.

V. Boundary #3. Accept your human needs and limitations.

A. Even Jesus had to walk, eat and sleep.

1) God designed us with physical limitations.

2) Recognize that you are mortal.

B. God is not limited.

1) (Friends needed counseling, he had to renege, but they

worked it out between themselves with God's help.)

VI. Writing blank checks.

A. Do we promise to do anything, no matter how late, anytime?

1) It is dishonest and ends up hurting people.

B. What happens when we allow people to "over-withdraw."

1) I help person, but feel mad and frustrated.

2) I realize I cannot do task, and renege and hurt them.

C. Do not overdraw your time-and-energy account.

VII. Where do we find the strength? Ps 121

A. God sometimes calls us to risk.

1) Boundaries can be broken, if God says so.

2) The Christian life is an adventure.

B. We must depend on an adventurous God.

1) He is our only source of strength.

2) He doesn't slumber or have limits. Ps 121:1-3

a) He who made the mountains can help us across them.

C. If God is calling you to do something, he'll give the strength.

#3578

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James Boice was once talking to a Christian psychiatrist about the problem of forgiveness and the need people have for it. The psychiatrist said, “As far as I am concerned, most of what a psychiatrist does is directly related to forgiveness. People come to him with problems. They feel guilty about their part in these problems. They are seeking forgiveness. In effect, they confess their sins to the counselor and find that he forgives them. Then a pattern is set up in which they can show their change of heart in tangible ways toward the other person or persons.”

We have a great need to be forgiven by people. This is actually only a shadow of the far greater need we have to be forgiven by God.

The head of a large English mental hospital once said, “I could dismiss half my patients tomorrow if they could be assured of forgiveness.”

Even the most noble vision means little if people aren't motivated to fulfill it. But how do you instill genuine motivation? How do we avoid guilt and pastor-wearying pushing? Roger Thompson is more convinced than ever that guilt (more properly called shame) was never intended as the fuel of Christian enterprise.

It was going to be great! A youth trip with a purpose. Out of our group of twenty-five high scholars, twenty-two had signed up for seven days of nothing but service and discipleship. We were serious: eight hours of work each day, plus Scripture memory and Bible study.

We had talked up, psyched up, and signed up every available body. That's what comes from good teaching, strategizing, and planning, I told myself. And the kids were even paying their own way!

The final week came. As I made call after call, the excuses mounted. Heavy lines crossed off all the leaders and most of the followers. I was reduced to begging. Instead of an impressive caravan of youth missionaries, we piled into one station wagon: four silent "fringe" teenagers, two sponsors, and myself. I was into Round One of an expensive lesson in leadership and motivation. I was angry and befuddled.

MYSTERIOUS MOTIVATION

Motivation is a suspect enterprise, a pseudo-science. It is loved or hated. Creating and maintaining motivation among God's people is variously viewed as carnal mass manipulation, flimflam fundraising, or somewhere between B. F. Skinner and the black arts.

But motivation is an unavoidable part of any people ministry. Avoidance, fear, or ignorance of the motivational dynamics in a congregation is disastrous -- both occupationally and spiritually.

I've known churches on both extremes in their views of motivation.

One extreme is the bigger-and-better SissBoomBah hype. "We can do it if we all do our part!" Its stock-in-trade is contagious enthusiasm, colorful charts or graphs or thermometers, achievable goals, and constant reinforcement. Every program is launched by means of visible reward. Numbers are important. Busyness abounds.

The other extreme, for supposed spiritual giants, is the disdain-of-anything- tangible school. This approach implies we shouldn't have to work at motivating people. It is beneath the dignity of mature Christians to publicize, thank, or reinforce. All truly spiritual motivation is invisible, intrinsic, mysteriously implanted by God at conversion, all at once. We simply call upon that sense of duty whenever a job needs to be done.

A sell-out to either extreme eventually results in anemic, reluctant compliance by a congregation. Absent is the joy of serving, the want-to motivation so necessary for long-term effectiveness.

GUILT GETS 'EM GOING (FOR A WHILE)

Success sellers like Stephen Covey and Zig Ziglar have turned motivation into a major new service industry (one seminar can cost you $10,000; one hour for a corporation $3,500). Few churches are able to invest that heavily. Nor are they inclined to. Many a church and Christian leader have discovered a much less expensive incentive: Guilt.

Many of us, wittingly or not, expect a lot from guilt. It is the leverage we use to prop up a sagging budget, enlist volunteers for the nursery, or get movement down the aisles.

Guilt often becomes the pastor's closest and most effective associate. When it comes to getting people moving, it just plain works! And after all, we might ask, why shouldn't people feel guilty for not participating? Not giving? Not serving?

But things are not always as they seem. Guilt, in fact, is a lousy motivator, effective only in the short run. It is a merciless taskmaster and a joyless mentor. Guilt is an impetus with diminishing returns. It is a major cause of the musical-chairs memberships being exchanged in many metropolitan churches.

Chuck, for instance, was a skilled technician who installed the new sound system in his church, ran the tape ministry, sang in the choir, and repaired the organ. As a new Christian, he felt constrained to do whatever the pastoral staff asked. The pressing needs and his overactive conscience always kept him overcommitted. After two years of four-nights-per-week service, however, he finally gave up. Completely quit. He went seeking a church where he could find some rest. Guilt had run its natural long-term course.

(All of us, certainly, must deal with real guilt. Sin and sloth, when exposed by the piercing ministry of the Holy Spirit, place us guilty before God. But real guilt is a warning light, a corrective leading to repentance and forgiveness. It is not meant to fuel the Christian enterprise.)

When people run on guilt, it is like burning regular gasoline in a car designed for unleaded. There is no initial difference in performance. In fact, the first fill-up is cheaper. But eventually the system begins to clog. Power diminishes; the wheels stop rolling.

Our churches are strewn with many rusting hulks. After the stewardship campaign, the visitation blitz, and the Sunday school recruiting drive, inertia often sets in, the residue of being fueled by guilt.

What is missing is a creative environment where guilt-free, confident Christians pursue a few things wholeheartedly. Reaching this enriching environment does not require groping in dark, shrouded mystery. It has a lot to do with applying genuine biblical motivation.

I've come to see that true motivation depends on several factors. They might be called the Three R's of Motivation: right rewards, right relationships, and right reasons.

RIGHT REWARDS

It is safe to say the average lifelong member of a church has been "incentived" to death. Countless attendance thermometers have risen to the top as he invited friends to Sunday school rallies. Pins, Bibles, trips, titles, and strokes have been dangled, and he has pulled like the lead husky.

But has he learned a spiritual discipline or simply salivated under the right stimuli?

In Genesis, people were created with something to do. From the very beginning, God gave us the capacity to "rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air," to subdue the earth and fill it, and to work the garden. The Imago Dei is expressed in dominion and work.

This affects our view of motivation and reward. Work really matters! To stay motivated is to find reward in one's work. The Scriptures do not argue this; they assume it. People are rewarded naturally by seeing that they are actually working, not just staying busy.

The greatest reward is seeing progress and achievement in something you perceive as eternally significant.

But note: The newer the venture, the less developed my talents, the more fear I have. In these areas an achievable goal is paramount. When people are just beginning, immediate reinforcement is more important. If the job appears too big or the reward too far off, many will not risk venturing out.

During the poverty days of seminary, necessity spurred my wife and me to begin building our own furniture. A close friend would often stop and chat, asking questions about lumber, costs, glue, and tools. When I challenged him to build some items for himself, he would back away, claim lack of aptitude, and retreat to his studies.

One Christmas, however, Phil wanted to surprise his wife with a small shelf for her spices. He came for advice, but what he got was encouragement. Every step was cause for counsel and deliberation. He drew plans, figured board footage, asked about finish and mounting. Pointers may have been helpful, but the real task was helping to overcome the intimidation of actually doing it. Support was the real curriculum.

My friend has long since surpassed my ambitions and abilities. He has produced a houseful of early-American furniture, a custom-made wood stove, and most recently, he designed and built an activesolar family room! Small incentives don't guarantee great advances, but they help insure that first steps will be taken. And who knows where that will lead?

Though we discourage people from asking, "What's in it for me?" we do well, whenever we begin a new program, to ask, "Can my people find legitimate and immediate reward in participating?"

Obviously, this can be abused. But remember, we are addressing only the initial steps of behavior, not the full scope of character development.

While raising our children, I discovered the power of rewards. When the momentous task of potty training, room cleaning, or household chores must be tackled, hosts of parents have discovered that the behavior can be launched by the promise of a star on a chart. Similarly, verbal kudos, personal affirmation, and progress reports can help people climb the mountain of Christian discipleship.Paul did this with Timothy, Jesus with his disciples.

The impetus of incentive is most necessary at the beginning, and it can produce phenomenal short-term results. The key is the perceived value of the incentive.

On the bicycle trips we took each year with our youth group, we traveled about 350 miles through the Colorado Rockies in five rather stressful days. One discipline we wanted to instill during all those hours in the saddle was memorizing a life-related Bible verse each day. We discovered an incentive that never failed: No verse, no lunch. Verses got memorized that way!

All of us need to be shown that we can succeed in spiritual enterprise. Sound incentives can insure a successful launch.

Incentive, extrinsic reward, and reinforcement need not be disdained if we understand their function. They are simply not the whole picture. Other aspects need equal recognition.

RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS

Without a shared excitement, any discipline can become lifeless plodding. Without a sense of teamwork and support, we risk burnout or latent bitterness.

Lone Ranger workers may continue for years, but they often have a degenerating perspective. They may feel unappreciated, perhaps perceiving themselves as martyrs. Frequently, this attitude is well disguised but flares up at the suggestion of change, improvement, or evaluation.

The Creation account provides us with a second essential quality of mankind. We are uniquely relational. Men and women were created to be in continuing relationships with God and each other.

In the garden, Adam and Eve knew they mattered. This unconditional love from God and each other was to produce purpose, confidence, and lasting motivation.

This may help us understand why, after seeing a midweek club ministry grow from twelve to one hundred, Mike and Sue burned out. They felt unappreciated. Their ministry, though productive, was isolated from pastoral or parental relationships. They labored without appreciation, support, or integration with the whole.

As a result, their once-tenacious spirit gave way to disappointment, discouragement, and feelings of alienation. They had accomplished much, but how did it fit? Who cared? Did it really matter to anyone? They needed a significant relationship to remind them it mattered to the people of the church, and most of all, to God.

We do not live by incentive alone. To move from one achievement to another, without intimate personal partnership with people and God, is meaningless. The greatest achiever of all time, Solomon, concluded that.

The mysterious internal combustion called motivation is sustained, even in the absence of extrinsic rewards, when one knows he or she is important to a worthy cause. This fuels tenacity -- pushing ahead through conflict, grief, perceived failure, or loss of direction.

As I recently faced a season of misunderstanding and sleep-disturbing conflict, my motivation was sorely tested. Everything lost its luster; it was a time of emotional dullness, physical fatigue, and futile efforts. The phone became the conveyor of bad news; church growth seemed less important than personal survival.

In God's grace, however, I was surrounded with veteran spiritual warriors who refused to accept my interpretation of life. They painted the horizon a different color than I was able to see. While affirming my growing awareness of my blind spots, they doggedly refused to let me retreat. My strengths were called upon and my contributions demanded.

Sustained by those relationships, my motivation to endure, learn, and overcome was kept alive. Motivation that lasts is fueled with love, respect, and appreciation. Much spiritual work, by its very nature, precludes external incentives. How precious at those times is the cadre of care givers.

RIGHT REASONS

A third essential ingredient of motivation became apparent when five couples met to discuss their Sunday school class. These were the faithful and the teachable. But their enthusiasm for their young-married class was faltering. The atmosphere was not friendly, the lessons not stimulating, the socials sparsely attended. They weren't ready to quit -- they were in it to the bitter end -- but they were being reduced to mere endurance, with little vibrancy or expectation.

As we talked, numerous agendas became apparent. Some felt the hour on Sunday needed more doctrinal "meat." Others felt it should concentrate on relationships. Others felt they wasted too much time with coffee and donuts.

Once these struggles were heard, we reviewed our philosophy of ministry for adult Sunday school. For us, it falls between the two extremes of Bible college and coffee klatch. We want to present life-sized segments of biblical teaching, wrapped in an affirming atmosphere that anyone can enter. The standards for leadership need to be high, the entry qualifications low. We want to teach for the insiders but structure socially for the outsiders to be drawn in.

Reviewing our reasons for Sunday school automatically eliminated many of the frustrations. The couples saw it was not a choice of either/or but both/and. They stopped fighting the agenda war and began planning for growth.

We brainstormed how the hour could be structured, leadership selected, and plans laid. That renewed their drive to make the class count. They were reminded of its relationship to the whole and thereby liberated to concentrate on doing a few things well. Motivation has returned.

A sense of duty isn't enough for long haul motivation; a sense of purpose is.

William James said, "Habit is the flywheel of society." Habits carry us through lives that are constantly under change and stress. Good habits -- such as giving, serving, teaching, or ushering -- are the bedrock of church programs.

However, even among our most faithful people, purpose must be evaluated. The repetition of behavior without purpose can sour even the most faithful. Scripture repeatedly warns us of the dangers of performance without purpose, sacrifice without love. It is the essence of pharisaism. Giving is to be cheerful, work "as unto the Lord," service "in love," and correction "in gentleness."

The longer the behavior has been established, the more important its constant realignment to God's purpose. Constantly renewing our vision helps us avoid complacency, and it averts demotivating battles over the status quo.

How can we help people maintain contact with ultimate purpose -- the right reasons?

First, help people work together, not alone. Teamwork can guard perspective. We need others to help us maintain vision.

Rick, Dave, and John have been working together in a singles ministry. As they have merged their separate gifts, strength has been obvious. There are still disappointments and an adequate dose of conflicts, but what is different in this shared stewardship is the endurance of vision. One lifts up the other, as the Preacher has stated (Eccl. 4:10). Teamwork places a net under wounded leaders. It catches them, nurtures, reminds, and recycles. Without that kind of nurture, spiritual warfare is often overwhelming. Rick, Dave, and John pray together, learn together, and struggle together. And together, they have not lost sight of their ultimate purpose.

Second, I try to teach and preach how God's timeless plan is translated into human action. Even while propounding the Great Commission, it helps to give illustrations from living models. By using our sermons to point people to positive examples of faithfulness, we help build a motivated congregation.

One living illustration is a church member who is now in his eighties. Most of his life was spent as a missionary and pastor. Now, since cancer has made him housebound, he participates in our fellowship via cassette tapes. He recently wrote me a note: "Thanks so much for the tapes. We enjoy them and play them Sunday mornings, a little earlier than your service, adjusted to our aches and pains and weaknesses. We put on the clothes we would probably be wearing if we were going to the service. We follow the bulletin and the Scriptures, and we are ordering a hymnbook so we can follow the hymns."

To call that "motivation" doesn't do justice to the depth of that life. Here is a commitment spurred on despite diminishing returns, a flame that will not be extinguished despite the hardships, a life fueled by the worship of God himself.

This is the type of character we envision when we are fueling those who are beginning the journey. Self-sustaining fellowship with God is its own reward. And people will reach that goal if they are given the right rewards, the right relationships, and the right reasons.

________

Roger Thompson is pastor of Berean Baptist Church in Burnsville, Minnesota.

Copyright (c) 1994 Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP Journal

In “Getting Sober for Christmas,” Mary Graves says during the Christmas season we need to deal with sin so Christ can truly come in our hearts -- and that raised a question.

“I was talking to a Christian therapist, a marriage-and-family counselor,” says Graves, “who was confiding in me the trouble she was having with the teaching in her church. They had done a whole teaching on the new confession of faith put out by the Presbyterian church, called the ‘Brief Statement of Faith.’ It is a great confession. The problem that she had was with one line in this confession, line 39, which says, ‘We deserve God’s condemnation.’ She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Do you realize how many people I see in my practice who are so beaten down with self-condemnation that they can hardly function? When they come to church on Sunday mornings, they don’t need to hear that they deserve God’s condemnation. They need to hear that they deserve God’s love.’”

At this point, Graves must choose either to breeze by this issue of self-condemnation or to deal with it.

“She raised a good point, something that we need to clarify before we can move on. For what does it mean to be humbled before God? What does it mean for me to say that I am a sinner who needs to be cleansed, that I need baptism, that I need repentance, that I need forgiveness? What does it mean for us to say that we are sinners who deserve God’s condemnation?

“John Bradshaw wrote a book called ‘Healing the Shame That Binds You.’ At the beginning of that book, he talks about two kinds of shame. One shame he describes as toxic/life-destroying shame. That is the shame that binds. It is the shame that cripples and condemns. It’s the shame that this therapist I was talking to was weeping over. My friends, it is the shame that God weeps over and seeks to heal.

“Bradshaw goes on and says there is also a healthy shame. There is the shame that heals. This is the kind of shame that comes from God’s truth. ... It is the shame that sobers. It is the shame that recognizes that my self-centeredness has led me astray, the shame that recognizes, ’I have been so self-absorbed, Lord, that I have forgotten about you and your ways. ...’” This is not some casual aside or homiletical meandering. Graves has first raised, then addressed, an issue that even longtime listeners want to understand.

[see #3957 for original article on preaching with illustrations]

A couple of years ago now, Karl Menniger, the pre-eminent psychiatrist, wrote of seeing a stern-faced, plainly-dressed man (perhaps he was a crazed street person) standing one day on a street corner in the busy Chicago loop. As pedestrians hurried by on their way to lunch or business, the man would solemnly lift his right arm, and pointing to some person near him, would shout at the top of his voice the single word, “Guilty!” Then, without any change of expression, he would stand stiffly for a few moments, and, then again, would repeat the gesture. He would raise his right arm, point at someone hurrying by, and shout the word, “Guilty!”

“The effect,” wrote Menniger, “of this strange ... pantomime on the passing strangers was extraordinary, almost eerie. They would stare at him, hesitate, look away, look at each other, and then at him again; then hurriedly continue on their ways.

“One man, turning to another ... exclaimed, ‘But how did he know?’” [1]

________

Theodore J. Wardlaw

1. Karl Menniger, Whatever Became of Sin? (New York: Hawthorne, 1973), pp.1-2.

In the "guilt versus grace" discussion it seems that most people have a deep sensitivity about their own guilt, flaws and inadequacies. Most of us don't need to be told we are hypocrites, we already know this about ourselves. Man can identify with the feelings expressed by Jules Fiefer in his poem, first published in The Village Voice. I felt like a fraud, so I learned to fly an airplane. At 50,000 feet I thought, "A fraud is flying an airplane." So I crossed the Atlantic in a rowboat. I docked at Cherbourg, and I thought, "A fraud has crossed the Atlantic in a rowboat." So I took a space shot to the moon. On the way home I thought, "A fraud has circled the moon." So I took a full page ad in the newspaper, and confessed to the world that I was a fraud. I read the ad and thought --- "A fraud is pretending to be honest." Submitted by Darrel Robertson, United Presbyterian and First Congregational Church, Ashland, Wisconsin.

As a young man, Al was a skilled artist, a potter. He had a wife and two fine sons. One night, his oldest son developed a severe stomachache. Thinking it was only some common intestinal disorder, neither Al nor his wife took the condition very seriously. But the malady was actually acute appendicitis, and the boy died suddenly that night.

Knowing the death could have been prevented if he had only realized the seriousness of the situation, Al’s emotional health deteriorated under the enormous burden of his guilt. To make matters worse his wife left him a short time later, leaving him alone with his six-year-old younger son. The hurt and pain of the two situations were more than Al could handle, and he turned to alcohol to help him cope. In time Al became an alcoholic.

As the alcoholism progressed, Al began to lose everything he possessed – his home, his land, his art objects, everything. Eventually Al died alone in a San Francisco motel room.

When I heard of Al’s death, I reacted with the same disdain the world shows for one who ends his life with nothing material to show for it. “What a complete failure!” I thought. “What a totally wasted life!”

As time went by, I began to re-evaluate my earlier harsh judgment. You see, I knew Al’s now adult son, Ernie. He is one of the kindest, most caring, most loving men I have ever known. I watched Ernie with his children and saw the free flow of love between them. I knew that kindness and caring had to come from somewhere.

I hadn’t heard Ernie talk much about his father. It is so hard to defend an alcoholic. One day I worked up my courage to ask him. “I’m really puzzled by something,” I said. “I know your father was basically the only one to raise you. What on earth did he do that you became such a special person?”

Ernie sat quietly and reflected for a few moments. Then he said, “From my earliest memories as a child until I left home at 18, Al came into my room every night, gave me a kiss and said, ‘I LOVE YOU, SON.’”

Tears came to my eyes as I realized what a fool I had been to judge Al as a failure. He had not left any material possessions behind. But he had been a kind loving father, and he left behind one of the finest, most giving men I have ever known.

________

By Bobbie Gee, “Winning The Image Game,” from Chicken Soup for the Soul, Copyright 1993 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Billy Graham brought a simple message of Christian faith and hope to the intellectuals at Harvard University Sept. 26-27.

Graham spoke before capacity crowds at Memorial Church in the midst of Harvard yard and at the John F. Kennedy School of Government. Graham, 80, was honored by the university with a proclamation as "a preacher of the gospel, a Christian evangelist, and a voice for conscience and commitment," and with enthusiastic standing ovations as he entered and departed the Kennedy School gathering.

It was Graham's third visit to Harvard and his first since 1982. In the lucid and easygoing style that has been his trademark in recent years, Graham spoke Sunday morning at Memorial Church from Galatians 6:14 about the importance of the cross to an audience of some 1,200 students, faculty and friends, including some who camped out overnight with their sleeping bags to be assured of a seat.

He later told the pastor of Memorial Church that he had just preached "an old-fashioned Southern Baptist sermon." He noted that the cross, the method of Jesus Christ's execution, is seen by many people today as nothing more than an ornament or a piece of "costume jewelry." He added that many people wear a cross without an understanding of its true meaning.

Graham then reflected on his travels to the former Soviet Union and the once-thriving churches that still had a cross on top because the communists did not understand its message and thus did not remove it. He told of a boy who lived near a church and, when once he had lost his way, asked someone to "take me to the cross. I can find my way home from there."

This century's best-known evangelist said the Apostle Paul, a scholar who attended "the Harvard of his day," might have found reason for pride in his advanced education, in his Roman citizenship or in his religion, but he chose instead to "glory in the cross" of Jesus Christ. Graham called the repentant criminal who sought forgiveness from Jesus while both hung on crosses "the greatest example of faith in the Bible."

Students today who seek hope for their lives "will never really find an answer until they find it in God," Graham said, noting that the cross of Christ shows people today the depth of sin, the love of God and the only way to find salvation. He defined sin as "breaking the moral law of God. ... We're all guilty. I'm guilty." Graham urged those present to pray silently about developing or enhancing a personal faith, but he did not ask the audience to come to the altar for spiritual counsel, as he does in stadium crusades.

It was a relatively calm day in my hospital's NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Two other nurses and I were trying to have a conversation amid the customary sounds of ventilators and heart monitors. I was in mid-sentence when the shrill ring of the red emergency phone halted all conversation. "Come fast," the voice said urgently. "We need a neonatal nurse stat!"

Fear gripped my heart as I ran into the delivery room. Instantly, I knew the situation was critical. "What's happening here?" I asked.

"It's an 'oops abortion,' and now it's your problem!" responded one of the nurses. For us, an "oops abortion" meant the mother's due date was miscalculated, and the fetus survived the abortion procedure. A pediatrician was called to the scene. He ran by me with the fetus (now called a baby) in his hand and yelled in my direction, indicating he wanted me to follow him into the resuscitation room adjoining the delivery room. I looked into the bed of the warmer as I grabbed equipment. Before my eyes was a baby boy. A very, very tiny baby boy. The doctor and I immediately made an attempt at intubation (inserting a tube down the trachea from the mouth or nose of the infant to the tip of the lungs to ventilate, expand and oxygenate them). The doctor's effort at intubation failed, which further traumatized the baby. I glanced at the doctor and hesitantly asked, "Will you attempt intubation again?"

"You've got to be kidding," he replied. "It would be inhumane to attempt to intubate this poor little thing again. This infant will never survive."

"No, Doctor, I'm not kidding," I said, "and it's my job to ask."

The doctor softened for a moment. "I'm sorry, Sharon. I'm just angry. The mother doesn't want the inconvenience of a baby, so she comes to the hospital so she can pay somebody to get rid of it -- all neat and tidy. Then the whole thing gets messed up when the fetus has the audacity to survive. Then everybody takes it seriously, and they call the pediatrician, who's supposed to fix it or get rid of it." With anger in his voice, he went on, "Some lawyers will fight for the right to do whatever we want to our bodies, but watch out for what they will do when these abortions aren't so neat and tidy! A failed homicide -- and oops! Then all of a sudden everybody cares, and it's turned from a 'right' into a 'liability' that someone is blamed for!"

We looked at our pathetic little patient. He was lying in the fetal position in the wrong environment, trying to get air into underdeveloped lungs that couldn't do the job. In a calmer voice, the doctor said, "Okay, Nurse, I'm going back to the office. Keep him comfortable and let me know when it's over. I'm sorry about this. Call me if you need me. I know this is a hard one. If it helps, please know it's tough for me, too." Holding the baby's hand, I watched the doctor retreat and then glanced back at the infant before me. He was gasping for air. "Lord, help!" I prayed. Almost instinctively, I took the baby's vitals. His temperature was dangerously low. I pushed the warmer settings as high as they could go. His heart rate was about 180-200 beats per minute. I could count the beats by watching his little chest pulsate. I settled down a bit and began to focus on this tiny little person. He had no name, so I gave him one. Suddenly, I found myself speaking to the baby. "Tiny Tim, who are you? I am so sorry you weren't wanted. It's not your fault."

I placed my little finger in his hand, and he grasped it. As I watched him closely, I marveled that all the minute parts of a beautiful baby were present and functioning in spite of the onslaught. I touched his toes and discovered he was ticklish! He had a long torso and long legs. I wondered if he would have become a baseball player. Perhaps he would have been a teacher or doctor. Emotions swept over me as I thought of my friends who had been waiting and praying for years for a baby to adopt. I spoke aloud once again to the miniature baby. "They would have given you a loving and a happy home. Why would people destroy you before ever considering adoption? Ignorance is not bliss, is it, Tiny Tim?"

Hanging on meanwhile, Tim put his thumb into his mouth and sucked. I hoped that gave him comfort. I continued to talk to the baby. "I'm sorry, Tim. There are people who would risk their lives for a whale or an owl before they'd even blink about what just happened to you." Tiny Tim gasped, and his little chest heaved as if a truck were sitting on it. I took my stethoscope and listened to his tiny, pounding heart. At The moment it seemed easier to focus on physiology rather than on this baby's humanity.

He wet, and with that my mind took off again. Here was Tiny Tim with a whole set of kidneys, a bladder, and connecting tubes that functioned with a very complex system of chemistry. His plumbing was all working! I turned the overhead light up and Tim turned from it, in spite of eyelids that were fused together to protect his two precious little eyes. I thought about them. They would never see a sunset, a mother's smile or the wagging tail of a dog. I took his temperature again. It was dropping. He was gasping for air and continued to fight for life. I stroked him gently and began to sing:

"Jesus loves the little children, All the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, They are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world."

A nurse walked in. "How's the mother?" I asked.

"Oh, she's fine. She's back in her room resting. The family said they don't want to see or hear about anything. They said, "Just take care of it." The nurse retreated with one last glance at the tiny patient. "For such a little person, he's sure putting up a big fight."

I looked at Tiny Tim and wondered if he knew that what he was fighting for so hard was life -- and I knew he was losing it. He was dying and his family was resting. Their words tormented me. Just take care of it! No muss and no fuss.

Then Tiny Tim moved and caught hold of my little finger. I let him hang on. I didn't want him to die without being touched and cared for. As I saw him struggle to breathe, I said, "It's okay, Tim. You can let go. You can go back to God."

His gasping started slowing down, but he still clung to my finger. I stroked the baby ever so slowly and watched him take his last breath. "Good-bye, Tiny Tim," I whispered. "You did matter to someone."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Epilogue

A few years later, Sharon Dunsmore became the manager of a psychiatric unit. One day, Kathy, a young, severely depressed woman, came to see Sharon following an unsuccessful suicide attempt. As Sharon interviewed her, Kathy said she had gone through an abortion three years before, and she was having recurring nightmares. A baby was crying for help and kept calling her name. In her dreams, Kathy searched for the baby, but she could never find him or her. As Kathy gave the name of the hospital and the names of the doctors, a disturbing realization dawned on Sharon. Kathy was Tiny Tim's mother. Because of hospital regulations, she couldn't tell her what she knew.

Time passed. Sharon was no longer a nurse or a therapist. Kathy was no longer a psychiatric patient. They ran into each other at a restaurant, where Sharon gently unfolded the story that had been hidden for so long. Tears flowed as she gave Kathy the gift of answers. Her baby was touched and loved by a mother. He was given a name. He didn't die alone. He was sent back to a loving God.

As the visit neared an end, they held each other and wept. Sharon looked into Kathy's eyes and saw new strength and calm. There were scars, but she was beginning to heal. The nightmares were being put to rest. Sharon still lives with the haunting impact of this experience. A choice that was intended to be "no big deal" turned out to be a very big deal for everybody.

Sharon Dunsmore has Tiny Tim's story available in booklet form. For more information, write "Tiny Tim," P. O. Box 84, Smiths Creek, MI 48074-0084

*

They are like a woman who, only recently retired from a brilliant career as a personal secretary, was frightened that her health was deteriorating so quickly. Suffering severe migraine headaches, terrible fits of depression, and fainting spells, she found no relief in anything her series of doctors could prescribe. They concluded there was nothing physically wrong with her. Finally, her doctor, unable to help her, sent her to her minister. After several appointments with her minister, the truth emerged. Her symptoms had their source in an affair she had thirty-five years earlier. The man was the manager of her company, a husband and father of two children. The liaison went on for six years and was never discovered. They got away with it, they thought. But a third of a century later, in the quiet of her retirement, from out of the depths of her conscience crawled the consequences of her indulgence. For thirty-five years, she had hidden an ulcer of guilt that she would let no one see, even herself, Now her body was feeling the punishment."

Guilt could be likened to a sore tooth. When a person's tooth is sore, he has basically two options. He could go through self-realization and hypnosis and try to blot out the pain in his mouth, perhaps even successfully, so some time, but the problem is still there. The other option is to pull the tooth: A painful process initially, but once it's gone, it's gone. This is like guilt. We can deny it for a while, but it will hurt us.

Wives feel resentment when it is assumed that they are responsible for everything that goes wrong around the house. This is epitomized in the television ad in which the husband is upset because there's a 'ring around the collar.' The wife breaks into tears because her detergent has not removed the dirt from her husband's shirt. The ring around the collar is seen as telltale evidence of her failure. The ad never asks the obvious question -- why didn't he wash his neck? Tony Compolo, the Power Delusion (Victor Books, SP Publications, 1983) page 137.