FAREWELL, MY SON! We will see you soon!
Our 23-year-old son was killed on May 31, 1998. His car struck a tree on Makakilo hill in Hawaii. We see some of the definite fingerprints of God's providence surrounding his death. We are so glad for the intimacy of God's loving care! While speaking at Family Camp in Clear Lake, Iowa, I shared some memories from the heart. This series of farewells ends in a truth that I think will touch your hearts too and bring glory to our God.
When Micah was a little child of three, we began to understand that awesome pain in a farewell. We left him with family so we could formally enter missionary service in another state. He did not want a separation. What emptiness as we left him behind! Finally, the business was accomplished, the miles covered and the weeks passed. What a happy night when we shut off the engine and hurried to his sleeping side!
As a young man, Micah was a student at Faith Baptist Bible College in Ankeny, Iowa. We stood by the curb and cried together. Then we said good-by and left for our ministry in Hawaii. His life was blessed abundantly; but the ache in our farewell was very hard!
Later Micah came to us and made the Islands his home. Will we ever forget that memorable day in 1997 as we concluded our mission? Weeping, Micah left the church service to regain his composure. But he accepted God's purposes as we followed His will.
Last May, the time apart seemed so long. We wrote, "Like a passing ship - Micah was born into our lives 23 years ago. Now he is an ocean away." Then on May 31, the ocean was suddenly reduced to a single heartbeat. We are still asking, "When will we see him again?" Heaven is another dimension - separated by the valley of the shadow of death. We have many precious but fading memories. We groan as we say, "What an aching in our hearts to bid that last farewell!"
Our daughters surprised us with a beautifully framed picture for our 25th wedding anniversary. What a treasure! It was taken during the last evening with Micah. Moments later he boarded the plane for Hawaii. How painful to gaze into his somber eyes! More than ever we concur, it hurts to say farewell!
Micah's body was flown to Iowa. Pausing at a stop sign in my home town, a hearse suddenly flashed into the intersection. Agony struck me deep - like a stake right through my neck! I cried inside, "That's him! They got my boy home!" In just a day the funeral was over!
Weeks before, talking to Micah on the phone, he was very concerned as he asked, "Did Julie get her present yet?" That gift caught up with her on the day that he was buried. Then in the evening, she opened his box to find a beautiful backpack from "big brother!" He enclosed a card which read,
Julie,
Can't believe that you have graduated. Seems like you should still be a
little sister. Not a college student. This present is also for your
birthday so Happy 18th Birthday. Wish I could of bought you something
nicer. Hope you had fun trying to open this. I would of wrapped it but
I thought this would be more fun. Miss seeing you all. Wish I could be
there for your graduation but I am broke. If you still want to come see
me this summer I have a Buddy Pass for you and Angela. Hope to come see
you all when you move to Utah. Can't wait! Love you!
MICAH
P.S. Here is a picture of me and my girlfriend.
What precious reminders of his love! Julie sat in the grip of her Uncle John and just cried for a long while. In our day of struggling with this farewell, Micah expressed his own longing and hope for the future! Then he introduced us to a very special person in his life. His friends said that he expected to move to Utah to be with us. That evening, we understood better than ever, how deeply hard it is to say farewell!
Several days later we landed in Honolulu and stared out the window at the ramp area where Micah worked. During the days to follow, we embraced many of his friends. Time seemed to stand still during that solemn assent to the scene of the crash. Then apprehensively, we visited his vehicle. Eagerly, we went to the places where he ate, played, worked and worshiped. With a sigh, we weakly turned the key and stepped into his apartment. At last, we looked sadly out the window as the jet backed away. It all looked so empty as we bid farewell to the life we knew with the son we loved!
Weeks passed as we waited for Micah's death certificate. Finally, I held in my hand the saddest paper that I have ever read! Clouds of agony stormed my soul as a howling gale! I struggled for days, suffocating in grief! We were to resume our furlough ministry. Then about 9:00 AM Sunday morning, God answered prayer! "My help cometh from the Lord who made heaven and earth!" Ps. 121:2. He lifted me so gently from the valley floor and breathed into me His heavenly CPR! How wonderful this rescue of grace! And how hard, HOW VERY HARD, to say, farewell!
Busy with life I find myself mentally off guard at times, then the truth blind-sides me again. I groan, "Oh no, Lord! Not Micah!" He was born to live and so full of life! Our love reached out to protect him from danger as we wanted his life to be happy, long and full.
High over the Pacific, we closely examined the fatal tree, our minds imagining the impact of the dark and awful scene. Firemen pulled Micah from the crash site; death was soon to follow! We sure hurt when we viewed the bruised and broken body of our precious son! We learned more about the struggle and agony of a last farewell!
Yet there is one farewell that remains IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND! Please read this slowly and meditate on each phrase. See what you think.
"And when I think that God . . .
His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die . . .
I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross . . .
my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died . . .
to take away my sin."
Imagine!! "His Son not sparing ... Sent Him to die?" All the farewells of history pale in comparison to this! I cannot comprehend...
the dark and awful scene that day,
the hill God made or the tree God grew,
the willingness to leave glory for a trip to the grave,
the way that God holds the world like a tiny tear,
the wicked brutes torturing the innocent Lamb,
the explosion of passion the Father felt for His Son,
the depth of Jesus' loneliness as He suffered for hours,
the extent of His injury - or the trauma from our sin,
the demonic attack as mighty angels waited on wing,
the day the sky turned black and earth shook in horror,
the cry from a bloody cross or silence in a garden tomb,
the awe as Heaven's inhabitants watched in wonder, or
the great endurance of His loving Father's restraint!
Who can understand the holy One dying for us sinners? Who can understand that gigantic step from the throne to the womb? Was Heaven silenced as the Lord made His way to the gates of Glory? What was it like when Christ breathed this foul air of human depravity? As our sin grieves the Spirit of God; how great was His grief as Jesus bore our sin? Ponder the Heavenly Father's pain as He bid farewell to His own beloved Son!
As I pause by the grave of my boy, I take courage knowing that one day his grave will experience more power than Hiroshima and Nagasaki put together! Resurrection power blew the doors off hell for every blood-bought child of God! Neither a stone tomb in Israel nor a cemetery plot in the Iowa countryside are a match for the Son of God!
"Then sings my soul ...
my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art ...
how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul ...
my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art ...
how great Thou art!"
I understand sinners, guilty and confused, fleeing from a holy God. Sad loss! The devil never showed them anything about a father's love! I do not understand why believers, who ought to know and appreciate what God did for us, fail to live for Him! I understand working to provide for the family. I do not understand workaholics who sacrifice family relationships for the stuff of this world! We miss our son and we are restless now, just waiting at the end of this series of farewells. Micah always was fast! He just beat us home!
"For God so loved the world,
that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in Him,
should not perish,
but have everlasting life!" John 3:16
- In loving memory of Micah John Brocka,
Dad
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