90 Sermon Illustrations on Conflict

I read about a man one time that went out on a boat deep-sea fishing who couldn't swim. He caught an enormous fish and in his excitement to pull it into the boat he fell overboard. He cried out, “Save me, I cannot swim!” Well, the captain of the boat very calmly reached out, grabbed him by the arm, gave a big pull, but he didn't know it was an artificial arm, and the arm came off!

Well, the man continued to kick and splash around crying for help. The captain reached out again and this time he grabbed his leg and gave a tremendous pull, but the leg came off because it was an artificial leg. The man went under the water again and he came up yelling for help.

The captain -- still calm -- grabbed the man by the hair of his head and gave a gigantic pull, but the man was wearing a toupee and it came off. At that point the captain looked at the man in the water and said, “Mister, if you won't stick together, I can't help you.”

Even God cannot help a church that is not going to stick together in heart and spirit. If we're going to be victorious and do all we ought to do as the body of Christ, we must come together, work together, love together and glorify God together.

What I want to talk about is something that God desires for his people and demands from his people. It is the one thing that Satan fears and works day and night to undo. It is something for which Jesus himself prayed just before he went to the cross. It is the one thing that the Bible says will convince people that the church has something the world does not. What is it I am talking about? Unity.

When I speak about unity, let me make it plain that I am not talking about union. Union is when you are bonded with someone with whom you may not have a common bond. I'm not talking about uniformity. Uniformity is when everyone looks alike, sounds alike and thinks alike.

I'm not even really talking about unanimity. There is no place on earth where everybody agrees with everybody on everything. I heard about a lawyer and a psychologist who were making small talk at a party. The lawyer said, “You and your wife get along very well. Do you ever have differences of opinion?” The psychologist said, “Definitely. As a matter of fact, we have differences of opinion very often, but we get over them very quickly.” The lawyer said, “How do you do that?” The psychologist said, “Simple: I never tell her about them.”

We may not always have unanimity, but we should always have unity. By unity I mean a oneness of heart, a similarity of purpose and an agreement on the basics of Bible doctrine and truth. Romans 14:19 says, “So then let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up” (NLT).

When our founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence, Benjamin Franklin stood up and said, “Gentlemen, now we must all hang together, or surely we shall all hang separately.” I believe that is true for any church.

Satan cannot defeat a united church because there is no place where he can attack the body. Every flank is covered; every side is protected. Even the gates of hell cannot prevail against a church united in its love for the Lord Jesus Christ and its love for one another. But one by one, divided against each other, any of us and all of us can be picked off by his fiery darts.

GOD EXPECTS US TO ADVERTISE OUR UNITY.

In the Bible version the Message, Psalm 133:1 reads this way: “How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along.” It is a beautiful sight to behold when God's people are united under the banner of the Lord Jesus Christ, and under the umbrella of his authority. In probably the most beautiful prayer ever prayed by anyone in the history of the world, Jesus prayed for the church in the 17th chapter of John, and this is what he prayed:

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in me through their word; that they all may be one, as you, Father, are in me, and I in you; that they also may be one in us, that the world may believe that you sent me” (John 17:20-21).

The Lord Jesus prayed that we would be one. The literal translation of Psalm 133:1 is this: “Behold how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together even as one.” We are to be one just as God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are one.

The Trinity is not a tri-unity; the Trinity is not three Gods; it is one God in three persons. It is a perfect unity. Unity is in the very nature of God himself.

Jesus goes on to say in the 17th chapter of John, verse 22, “And the glory which you gave me I have given them, that they may be one just as we are one.” In a world of political, national, philosophical and theological division, God is glorified, magnified and satisfied when his children are unified.

I want you to notice that twice in this prayer Jesus repeats the phrase “that the world may know ... believe that you sent me.” The greatest advertisement for the gospel of Jesus Christ is not a billboard, a newspaper advertisement or even a television program. The greatest advertisement for the gospel of Jesus Christ is a church that is unified in the Holy Spirit and determined to love the Lord Jesus Christ and to love one another regardless of any disagreements they might have.

You have heard it said there is “strength in numbers.” Well, that really isn't true. There is only strength in numbers if those numbers are unified and united. One brick by itself is absolutely worthless, but many bricks together can make a wall. One shingle by itself is worthless, but many shingles together can make a roof. One link alone is worthless, but many links together can make a chain.

I read about a professor in an Ivy League school who heard about a dinosaur alive in the rain forest of South America. So he launched a scientific expedition to find out if the story was true or not. After several weeks he stumbled upon a little man wearing a loincloth, standing near a 300-foot-long dinosaur that was dead.

The scientist couldn't believe his eyes. He said, “Did you kill this dinosaur?” The rain forest native said, “I sure did.” The scientist said, “But it's so big and you're so small, how did you kill it?” He said, “With my club.” The professor said, “How big is your club?” The little man said, “Oh, we have about 400 members.”

We can be a mighty club in God's hands to defeat the devil at every turn if we will be a fellowship of unity. God expects us to advertise our unity.

GOD EXPECTS US TO ADVOCATE OUR UNITY.

Somebody has said that, “Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, but working together is success.” Why should we come together and work together? Three words that should give you plenty of motivation:

First of all, think of the word family. Psalm 133 was addressed in verse 1 to “brethren.” Brethren here refers to the people of God. If you are going to be brothers you must have the same father. If you have the same father you must be in the same family. That is exactly what a church is; it is nothing less than the family of God.

A great pastor said this: “Conflict is usually a sign that the focus has shifted to less important issues, things the Bible calls disputable matters.” When we focus on personalities, preferences, interpretations, styles or methods, division always happens. But if we concentrate on loving each other and fulfilling God's purposes, harmony results. The apostle Paul put it this way: “Let there be real harmony so there won't be divisions in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thought and purpose” (1 Corinthians 1:10).

Dr. D. Martin Lloyd-Jones was riding in England shortly after World War II, and as he was recalling the terror of all of the bombing attacks of Hitler's Luftwaffe, he made this observation:

“How often during that last war were we told of the extraordinary scenes in air- raid shelters; how different people belonged to different classes, there, and the common need to shelter from the bombs and death, forgot all the differences between them and became one. This was because in the common interest they forgot the divisions and the distinctions. That is why you always tend to have a coalition government during a war; in periods of crisis and common need all distinctions are forgotten and we suddenly become united.”

GOD EXPECTS US TO ADVANCE OUR UNITY.

David not only compares unity to oil, he compares it to dew.

“It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing -- life forevermore” (Psalm 133:3).

Now why did David use dew as an example of unity?

Dew makes the land green, it makes it fertile, it makes it fruitful, it increases productivity. Dew gives the land its greatest potential to do what it was created to do -- to be fruitful for its creator. What dew does for the land, unity does for the church.

In a parable she entitles, “A Brawling Bride,” Karen Mains paints a vivid scene describing a suspenseful moment in a wedding ceremony. Down front stands the groom in a spotless tuxedo -- he is handsome, his shoes are shined and every hair is in place. He is anxiously awaiting the presence of his bride. All of the attendants are in place. The magical moment finally arrives as the pipe organ reaches its high note and the wedding march begins.

Everyone rises and looks toward the door for their first glimpse of the bride, and there is a horrified gasp. The wedding party is shocked; the groom stares in embarrassed disbelief. Instead of an elegant woman dressed in white, smiling behind a lace veil, the bride is limping down the aisle. Her dress is soiled and torn. Her leg seems twisted, ugly cuts and bruises cover her bare arms. Her nose is bleeding; one eye is purple and swollen and her hair is disheveled. Does not this handsome groom deserve better than this? asks the author.

Then the clincher: “Oh no, his bride, the church, has been fighting again!”

Brothers, it is time for us to lay out our arms against one another; forgive and forget; come together around the cross, the gospel and the Lord Jesus Christ; and take the gospel to a world that needs to hear about Jesus. No matter what else we say, if the world does not see brothers who love one another, they will never come to Jesus.

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Merritt is pastor of the Atlanta-area First Baptist Church in Snellville, Georgia

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[Original illustration at this number was added to HolwickID #16633]

We've seen some very painful scenes at Ground Zero in the rubble of the World Trade Center - firemen, policemen, emergency personnel, combing through the wreckage for their fallen brothers and sisters. Later, pausing for a moment of silent tribute as the remains of one of them was carried out. But at a time when there was talk of reducing the number of workers at the site, we saw a scene that was painful in a different way. Tempers flared in the raw emotions of that moment, and some of those firefighters and police who had been fighting together to save or find people in the rescue and recovery effort were suddenly fighting with one another at Ground Zero.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "Rescue Glue."

The moment was short-lived, but it still hurt - people who on September 11 and the days that followed had been so united in trying to rescue the dying, were now fighting with each other. That kind of heartache is something God has been all too familiar with for a long time. His people, who should be united in an all-out effort to rescue the spiritually dying, are instead battling one another.

Unfortunately, it's not a new issue. Way back in Philippians 4:2 and 3, our word for today from the Word of God, Paul was writing about some rescuers who had turned on each other. He said, "I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. (These two women had been co-workers of his.) Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life."

Now, notice, when these women were actively involved in "the cause of the gospel" - that's getting the life-or-death message of Jesus to people -they were together. But when they drifted away from the rescue mission of Christ, they stopped contending for the Gospel and started contending with each other. That's still happening today.

Rescue unites God's people. When believers, when a church, when a ministry is focused on rescuing the dying, whatever it takes, there's no time to battle with each other. They're too busy battling for the lives of lost people around them. There was no conflict between those New York police and firefighters when they were in that wreckage, desperately working together to bring some people out alive. Turf and ego and divisive issues just don't seem important when people are dying.

But so many of us, so many of our churches, are focused on ourselves rather than on those who are dying spiritually. And when we start focusing on our issues, our kingdoms, our likes and dislikes, our agendas, we start bickering, forming cliques and power blocs, criticizing our brothers and sisters, and elevating things that are relatively trivial to being way too important. Important enough even to fight over.

Remember this: rescue unites, self-focus divides. It's a sad scene when the people who are supposed to be rescuers start turning on each other. You see, while God's spiritual rescuers are battling with each other, we're losing the battle for people who will die if we don't get to them. We have to fight for them, not against each other!

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. 'Practical Answers to Real Life Issues'

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A young rabbi found that in his new congregation, during the Friday service, half the congregation stood for the prayers and half remained seated. Each group looked scornfully at the other and the young rabbi discovered that any attempt to resolve the issue simply resulted in a shouting match, with each side insisting that theirs was the true tradition.

Finally, in desperation, the young rabbi sought out the synagogue's 99-year-old founder. He met the old rabbi in the nursing home and poured out his troubles. “So tell me,” he pleaded, “was it the tradition for the congregation to stand during the prayers?”

“No,” answered the old rabbi.

“Ah,” responded the younger man, “then it was the tradition to sit during the prayers?”

“No,” answered the old rabbi.

“Well,” the young rabbi responded, “what we have is complete chaos! Half the people stand and shout, and the other half sit and scream.”

“Ah,” said the old man, “THAT was the tradition.”

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Barbara Lemmel, "Makeshift communities," Christian Century, January 6-13, 1999, 15.

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“If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that [it is] good. But now, [it is] no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but [how] to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will [to do], I do not do; but the evil I will not [to do], that I practice.” (Romans 7:16-19 NKJV)

Sin The Motive Power In The Carnal Mind

• if…not, etc. — tribute of conscience to goodness of the law

• now then [but], etc. — sin in me overmasters my better self, and keeps reason and conscience in abeyance

• know — by experience

• that…flesh — Gen 6:5, 8:21, Job 15:14, Ps 51:5, Prov 20:9, Isa 64:6, Jer 17:9, Hon 3:6, Eph 2:3 — my sinful nature

• good — essentially

• will…present — to incline lies near me

• but how, etc. — I can get no farther than the wish (illustration: sculptor good, stone bad: penman skilful, paper coarse — Robinson)

• good…not — having no moral power to carry out the desire

• evil…do — having no power to repress the inclination

Internal conflicts.

… What is good we know

And feel, but do it not; through listlessness

Some want the spirit to act; and some prefer

The fav’rite pleasure to the work of virtue;

For life hath various pleasures; ill-spent hours

Of frivolous conversation, indolence,

A pleasing ill. and shame; but there are two

Of these, the one not ill, the other sinks

The house in misery; were the use of each

Clearly distinguished, they no more would be

Two, with the self-same letters each inscribed. — Euripides

“This inward conflict between opposing principles constitutes the very distinction between the regenerate and the unregenerate, and forms part of the recorded experience of the most advanced, and elevated, and spiritually-minded believers. Freedom from this conflict is not to be expected here by any child of God.” — Dr Wardlaw

THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES:

• Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long

Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner

• My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions

• He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster

• (On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College

(On the back) Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with

No Boys

• Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight

(Slogans for T-shirts suggested to the Washington Post)

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Eleven monks were treated in hospital after a fight broke out for control of the roof of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, the traditional site of Jesus's crucifixion, burial and resurrection. The fracas involved monks from the Ethiopian Orthodox church and the Coptic church of Egypt, who have been vying for control of the rooftop for centuries.

It is not the first time monks have come to blows at Christendom's most holy place, but it is one of the most serious in recent times. As black-clad monks threw stones and iron bars at each other, the Israeli police were called to restore order. Seven Ethiopian monks and four Egyptians were hurt and one of the Ethiopians was reported to be unconscious in hospital.

The fight erupted over the position of a chair used by an Egyptian monk near the entrance to the roof. He sits there to assert the Copts' claim to the rooftop, which is mainly occupied by a few African-style huts which the Ethiopians, who have been evicted from the main church over the centuries, use as their monastery.

On a hot day, the Egyptian monk decided to move his chair out of the sun. This was seen by the Ethiopians as violating the “status quo” in the church, set out in a 1757 document which defines the ownership of every chapel, lamp and flagstone.

After several days of rising tension, the fists began to fly on Sunday. The Egyptians said their monk was teased and poked and, in a final insult, pinched by a woman. Yesterday there was a silent stand-off on the roof, with the Ethiopians defending their property with a row of chairs.

The church is a cockpit of rivalry between Christian sects and, in the words of one historian, the “most unchristian place in the world”. It is shared among six denominations, with the more powerful ones taking ruthless advantage of any weakness by their rivals.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE....

In September 2004, Roman Catholic and Greek Orthodox clerics had a fistfight (resulting in at least five injuries) after a Catholic left a door open during an Orthodox service.

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The old television programs bring back fond memories. Many seemed harmless enough, although they dealt with serious matters. In the 1950s the “Honeymooners” often made comedy out of conflict in the home.

It seemed harmless then, but today Jerry Springer makes entertainment out of conflict in the home -- and people should cry. Conflict in the home is a reality that isn’t really funny or entertaining. It is serious. It can be very painful, hurtful and divisive. And many times the conflict arises simply from what we say to each other and how we say it. To avoid that we must get with it and learn how to successfully control what we say to each other.

James gives us simple and powerful guidance for how to make our communication in the home helpful rather than hurtful (James 1:19).

First, we are to be eager to listen. This is one of the most effective techniques for building a positive environment in the home. Better listeners understand better. When you become a better listener, you not only “hear” what the other person is saying, you can “catch” the feeling behind the words.

How can we be a better listener? First, practice the art of concentration. I know this can be a challenge for me. Often I can become so focused on what I am doing that I listen casually. When I do, I communicate disinterest and can miss the real meaning behind what is said to me. So, listen with the intention to hear, understand and feel with the family member. James said, “Be eager to hear.” Good advice.

Second, we are to be careful what we say. Our tongues are small parts of the body but they are powerful. James compared it to a bit that controls the movements of a horse. He also compared it to a ship’s rudder. It, too, is small but controls the direction of the ship. So, the tongue is small, but it has a lot of power (James 3:5).

What we say has the power to be destructive or constructive. Our words can hurt and destroy. Or they can bless and build.

Adolph Hitler and Winston Churchill were separated by the English Channel. But the difference between them was so much greater than that. Both were powerful and influential speakers. But they did not use their abilities as speakers in the same way. Hitler used the power of his tongue to destroy. Churchill used the power of his tongue to bless.

So it is with each of us in the context of the family. It is our choice as to whether we will use our words to encourage and build others in our families or not. We can make the choice.

But the choice made is not a choice easily fulfilled. Why? Because of the power of the tongue. James warns that the tongue is unruly and not easily controlled. As a matter of fact he says it cannot be controlled by natural means. But the great news is our words can be controlled by the Holy Spirit of God. He guides us in what we say and how we say it as we surrender to Him each day. Then our words are used to build healthy, happy and holy environments in our homes where we can flourish according to God’s precious purpose for all of the family.

God gives us four simple suggestions that can help make what we say a blessing to others in our homes:

• Actively listen to each other with intention to hear what is said and what is meant.

• Avoid as much conflict as possible by being thoughtful and helpful in what is said.

• Give negative emotions to God through earnest prayer and consistent practice.

• Dedicate time to talk with each other about everything.

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Claude Thomas, whose column appears each month in Baptist Press, is the former pastor of the Dallas-Fort Worth-area First Baptist Church in Euless.

A couple I'll call Tim and Janet flew off on their honeymoon, blissfully happy. Each thought the other was the perfect mate.

But just three months later, this couple was on the brink of divorce. They fought constantly over money. Janet wanted more attention, but Tim felt suffocated by Janet's demands. They even fought over whose turn it was to feed the dog.

The tension had become unbearable.

Tim and Janet aren't alone. In his book Marriage Savers, Mike McManus explains that before the wedding, most couples experience a glow of romantic enchantment. Bride and groom see each other as perfect.

But after the wedding, a period of disenchantment sets in. Many couples are shocked by the conflict that erupts in their relationship.

In one survey, half of all newlyweds reported “significant marital problems.” They never expected the changes that can take place after saying, “I do.”

This is a critical period for marriages. On one hand, it can be the time when the seeds of divorce are planted.

On the other hand, this period can be one of the teachable moments in a person's life when the Church can effectively intervene. Newlyweds are often baffled by the changes in their relationship, and they're eager for help.

One of the best programs available is ENRICH, a survey that gives a penetrating x-ray of any relationship. From a single half-hour test, a counselor often learns more about a couple than from weeks of informal discussion.

Christian couples generally score high on compatibility of religious beliefs — which gives them a big edge over nonbelievers.

But even Christians often score low on relational skills: on ability to communicate, resolve conflicts, manage finances. Through its questionnaire, ENRICH highlights weak areas and helps couples work on them — before the weaknesses become entrenched habits.

The couple then works with an older couple, who act as mentors. By candidly sharing their own problems and solutions, a mentor couple provides a vivid model of how to save a marriage.

The idea that newlyweds need special nurturing goes back to the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 24 says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” For a whole year newlyweds in ancient Israel were not to take on any stressful outside responsibilities. Clearly, the lesson for us today is that the Church is meant to tenderly nurture its young couples.

The divorce statistics in America are shocking — tripling over the past thirty years. What's even more shocking is that nearly three-fourths of those weddings took place in a church. Obviously, most churches are neither preparing couples before the wedding nor nurturing them afterward.

But you can help change that. Why not start a program for newlyweds in your church? If you're a mature couple, why not become mentors for younger couples?

You can help young couples like Tim and Janet and be a part of turning your church into a marriage saver.

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Copyright (c) 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

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A 54-year-old male was stabbed once in the stomach and once in the chest after an argument in an alley, police said.

He appeared to be sitting and drinking with the suspect in the 300 block of W. Center, Milwaukee, said department spokeswoman Anne E. Schwartz.

Police reports indicate the two men started arguing about not having an argument.

The suspect, a 47-year-old male, then pulled out a knife and stabbed the victim, Schwartz said. Police have arrested the suspect. The victims injuries are not life-threatening, she said.

If you’re fascinated by tornadoes, you’re not alone. When the summer storm season heats up, companies such as Silver Lining Tours, Tempest Tours and Cloud 9 Tours spring into action. They’re called storm chasers, and they hit the road with a vanload of travelers who want to get close to the vortex. These tours routinely sell out six months in advance, so now’s the time to book for next year.

Tempest Tours, which chases storm systems in Tornado Alley (from Texas to the Dakotas), has six to 10-day tours that run from $1,900 to $2,700 per person. That includes guides. You’re responsible for meals and getting to the base city, usually Denver or Oklahoma City. Companies like Silver Lining even offer on-call storm chasing, contacting you via e-mail about 48 hours in advance. But remember, there are no guarantees that you’ll see a tornado.(1)

You might see this as a metaphor for life. Some people seek conflict and turmoil as a way to add zip to life. But Christians are called to be reconcilers and peacemakers, not storm chasers.

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1. Everett Potter; USA Weekend, September 9-11, 2005, http://usaweekend.com

Vibrant worship is at the heart of church growth, according to the biggest study of American congregational life ever undertaken. Congregations that are “plugged in” to God in praise also tend to make more room for the Holy Spirit, says the Faith Communities Today (FACT) report released yesterday.

Fifty-six percent of congregations reporting a high commitment to “uplifting inspirational worship” were experiencing growth, compared with only 27 percent of those that gave it a low priority, researchers found.

They also discovered that the increasing use of electronic instruments was accompanied by “a profound shift in the location of religious authority,” with “a radical increase in the authority of the Holy Spirit, and a dramatic decrease in the emphasis in creeds and human reason.” But they were undecided about whether the changes in worship style were “a passing fad or… enduring.”

The worship findings were part of a good news report that concluded most congregations were “vital and alive,” and many making “major contributions” to their communities through outreach programs. Conducted by the Hartford Institute for Religion Research in Hartford, Conn., the five-year study involved 41 religious groups–including the Assemblies of God, Church of God in Christ, National Baptist Convention U.S.A., and the Southern Baptist Convention.

The positive verdict on the state of health of American congregations came in marked contrast to the most recent report from Christian researcher George Barna. His Barna Research Group “State of the Church” survey released last week found the country to be “spiritually stagnant,” despite an increase in the number of born-again Christians.

The FACT report, funded by the Lily Endowment and participating groups, asked more than 200 questions of over 14,000 of the country’s estimated 325,000 congregations. It found them attempting to maintain “a complex network of worship, educational, fellowship and outreach activities, often in difficult conditions with meager resources,” and concluded that without their “texture… woven into the life of virtually every corner of our society, the culture of the United States would be far less than our best.”

Although megachurches get most media attention, the report found only 10 percent of congregations with more than 1,000 members, while half had fewer than 100 regularly participating adults and a quarter less than 25.

There were some “disturbing” discoveries, though — among them that seminary-trained leadership could have “a negative impact on many basic religious values.” Only 46 percent of seminary educated leaders highly emphasized sexual abstinence, compared with 75 percent of those with Bible college degrees or no ministerial education.

The report also concluded that congregations led by clergy with a seminary education were much less likely to deal openly with conflict and disagreements. It said that the findings suggested the need for “a careful review of the educational process of leadership preparation.”

The research also suggests that, for a growing number of people, their personal needs rather than a sense of neighborhood dominate their search for a church. Among congregations formed since 1990, there is a noticeably higher percentage of members who commute more than 15 minutes to services. For them, “religious community is increasingly less equal to residential community,” said the report.

What is tearing this country apart is not merely politics. It is something far deeper, far older, and far more consequential. We are witnessing a moral rupture.

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Recently, a man informed a friend of mine — by text message — that he could no longer maintain a friendship with him because of his “Republican values,” which he described as “ungodly.” He insisted he bore no hatred, yet declared the relationship effectively over. In just a few lines on a phone screen, a friendship ended. It was heartbreaking, but something increasingly common. It also reveals the real nature of our national divide.

What we are experiencing is not primarily a contest between parties or platforms. It is a conflict between moral authorities. One vision holds that moral truth is received — revealed by God and preserved in Holy Scripture — while the other increasingly treats moral truth as constructed, fluid, and subject to cultural reinvention. The consequences of this divergence now dominate nearly every major debate in our public life: marriage, sexuality, the sanctity of human life, the definition of family, human nature, and even truth itself.

The Bible warned us of this moment. “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20), the prophet Isaiah declared. This inversion is no longer theoretical; it is institutionalized. Long-standing moral boundaries are being erased and rewritten, while those who hold to historic Christian teaching are portrayed as dangerous, intolerant, or unfit for civil society. Increasingly, citizens are encouraged not merely to disagree with people of traditional faith and moral absolutes, but to sever relationships with them — and in some quarters, even to treat them as enemies.

In 1858, standing before the Illinois Republican Convention, Abraham Lincoln spoke words that still echo across American history: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” Lincoln was not addressing party politics as we know them today. He was diagnosing a moral estrangement — the growing conflict between the self-evident truth of human dignity and the institution of slavery. Lincoln understood that a nation could not endure half committed to freedom and half committed to bondage. One ethical vision would ultimately have to prevail over the other.

He was absolutely right.

The division did not heal itself through polite disagreement or procedural compromise. It hardened and deepened. In time, it tore the nation apart in civil war. Lincoln’s warning remains painfully relevant in every generation: a society cannot survive for long when its people no longer agree on what is morally true.

This is where we find ourselves today. What we are witnessing is not merely political conflict, but a clash of competing worldviews — over good and evil, truth and falsehood, human responsibility and divine authority. There was a time, not so long ago, when Americans broadly agreed that life at every stage possessed inherent dignity, that marriage had a God-ordained structure, that religious conviction deserved respect rather than suspicion, and that truth was not endlessly negotiable. Today, these foundations are openly contested. Just as in Lincoln’s day, the result is not mere disagreement; it is destabilization.

Yet while the cultural conflict is real and the moral stakes could not be higher, the Christian response must remain radically different from the spirit of this age. We do not surrender conviction in order to preserve peace, nor do we surrender love in order to defend truth. We tenaciously hold to both — without compromise and without bitterness.

Jesus never retreated from moral clarity, but neither did He withdraw from those who opposed Him. He spoke truth plainly, and He loved relentlessly. The apostle Paul captured this posture with rare precision: “Speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). That balance is not weakness. It is the highest form of strength.

The tragedy of moments like the one my friend experienced — when he received a text ending a long-standing friendship — is not simply the loss of that relationship. It is the replacement of tolerance with political tribalism, the elevation of ideology over the commonality of our human dignity, and the quiet assumption that loyalty to a political party now determines righteousness. God help us.

The Church doesn’t navigate moral storms by retreating into factions or mirroring the hostility of the culture. It traverses the treacherous terrain by standing unflinchingly on the authority of God’s Word, while extending grace to those who reject it. Genuine Christianity does not fear disagreement. Neither does it answer rejection with resentment. Nor does it abandon the Gospel of reconciliation when reconciliation becomes costly.

The path before Christians in this moment is narrow but clear: unwavering allegiance to biblical truth, combined with an unwavering commitment to Christlike love — even toward those who misunderstand, oppose, or reject us.

Sometimes this witness is carried in the simplest of replies. When my friend received the sad text message, he was deeply saddened and contacted me to ask what he should do. I suggested he might respond by sending the following text in return:

“I’m truly sorry you feel that way — truly I am. I have always valued the time and friendship we’ve shared, even though we have often seen some things very differently. But I don’t believe our differences should cancel our human connection. There are still areas of life where we agree, and we may need each other someday. Nevertheless, I respect your decision. I wish you all the best, and I’ll leave my door wide open if you ever want to reconnect.”

If the world must divide, let it never be said that Christians forgot who they were and to whom they belonged.

________

Rev. Mark H. Creech is Executive Director of the Christian Action League of North Carolina, Inc.

“Hope has 2 beautiful daughters: Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are. Courage to ensure they don’t stay that way.” - St. Augustine

“Where there is no vision, there is no hope.” - George Washington Carver

Christians need to take unity seriously. But how to do that?

To a large degree, Jesus has already provided the vision for unity and civility. Shortly before his passion, Jesus prays that his followers, present and future, would “all be one.” In the same discourse, Christian unity provides the strength for believers to be in the world, but not of the world. It is in our loving unity that Jesus says “the world will know that you are my disciples.”[1] Such a clear and compelling vision set forth by Jesus himself would surely provide enough to get the church started toward the realization of a civility-conscious vision. However, it is often hard for people, even Christians, to imagine civility as a beneficial endeavor. Perspectives can be skewed by false and fuzzy perceptions of what such a reality would and would not look like. The following article addresses a couple of misconceptions regarding civility by examining what civility is not.

What Civility Is Not

Civility is not the absence of conflict.

While preaching through a sermon series on marriage, I prepared an entire sermon on the reality of conflict in marriage and principles for couples to approach their disagreements with civility. A couple approached me after the service. The husband was most upset that I would “endorse” conflict in a marriage.

For him, an ideal Christian marriage should be one that resembled his own: a relationship free of conflict. He went on to claim that they had enjoyed more than 15 years of marriage without a single argument. Of course, the husband did all of the talking. Come to think of it, I don’t believe I have ever heard his wife speak.

The interaction raises a common misperception about unity and civility. Does a vision of Christian civility demand the absence of any conflict? Is it somehow uncivil to disagree at all, to hold convictions, and to passionately articulate and defend to convictions?

Blogger, author, and Bible teacher Frank Viola writes, “Civil disagreement and even debate, when done in the spirit of Christ, are healthy and helpful.”[2] The two terms healthy and conflict may sound like an oxymoron. Wouldn’t healthy relationships be characterized by avoidance of conflict? The answer depends on what you think of when hearing the word, conflict. Communication scholars report most people share words like war, hate, battle, failure, anger, lose, and argue, when associated with the term conflict.

From a semiotic standpoint, the word “conflict” conjures negative images and experiences. Therefore, it is naturally avoided.[3] However, the Christian community can imagine a better way regarding conflict, seeing it as redemptive, productive, and instructional.

It is often the very resistance brought on by healthy conflicts that cause relationships to deepen in trust. Conflict among fully engaged individuals is a catalyst to growth. Pastor and church consultant Mel Lawrenz imagines civility through the idea of engagement. In his vision, Christ followers remain consistently engaged with God, one another, their community, and their world. As such they are in a consistent position to establish and maintain healthy relational connections.[4] However, Lawrenz recognizes that such relational connections are not free from conflict, for the connections are between human beings. “Conflict is inevitable as long as we are human. The questions become how to lessen the frequency of conflict and how to deal constructively with conflict when it does arise.”[5] Communication professors Tim Muehlhoff and Todd Lewis remind Christ-followers, “Conflict is common, and in a sense inevitable to all relationships.”[6] The tension present within relationships of inevitable conflict helps us keep in mind that civility is in the best sense of the word, “practiced.”[7]

Practicing conflict is hardly a new concept for the followers of Jesus. The early church was not a sanitized, conflict-free environment. Jesus was in constant conflict with the religious leaders of his day and led a band of constantly squabbling disciples.[8] Paul confronts Peter publicly over his uncivil table manners toward Gentile believers.[9] The Jewish church was deeply and passionately divided over whether or not to recognize Gentile converts to the Way.[10] Paul played referee to warring factions in Corinth, and pled with two women in Philippi who could agree on nothing else, to “agree in the Lord.”[11]

The community of the Prince of Peace has been a laboratory of civil conflict since the beginning. Yet as much as they zealously debated their differences, their practiced goals were to pursue Shalom between one another for the sake of Christ’s gospel of peace. Civility calls believers to the gymnasium of grace to wrestle vigorously with their differences. Civility also calls us to the laboratory of love wherein our diversity is contended, tested, and our conflicts seek to be resolved. The Christ-follower can emerge with greater strength, depth of character, and a clear perception of what it means to choose civility.

Civility is not the absence of conviction.

In April of 1862, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote an essay for The Atlantic magazine. In it, he praised President Lincoln for his resolve in seeking to emancipate slaves; an action perceived by many in the south as a threat to their established civilization. Emerson observed that America was attempting “to hold together two states of civilization: a higher state, where labor and the tenure of land and the right of suffrage are democratic; and a lower state, in which the old military tenure of prisoners or slaves, and of power and land in a few hands, makes an oligarchy: we have attempted to hold these two states of society under one law. But the rude and early state of society does not work well with the later, nay, works badly, and has poisoned politics, public morals, and social intercourse in the Republic, now for many years.”[12]

Emerson continued, asking, “should not the best civilization be extended over the whole country, since the disorder of the less civilized portion menaces the existence of the country?”[13] Emerson’s polished yet passionate plea is grounded in his belief that true civility is connected to firm convictions. “There can be no high civility without a deep morality.”[14]

Pulitzer Prize winning journalist J. Anthony Lukas stated his belief that the moral decline in his city is realized because “we have let our standards of civility and truth waste dangerously away.”[15] Emerson and Lukas each in their own way convey an approach to civility that is essentially connected to conviction. It is the reversal of what W.B. Yeats describes in his poem, “Second Coming,”: “The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity.”[16]

Such a reversal is needed, for the concern of some is that along with civility comes passionless indifference, or even a posture of compromise. Lutheran pastor and scholar Martin Marty framed the concern as follows; “people who are good at being civil often lack strong convictions, and people with strong convictions often lack civility.”[17] If we desire to be more civil, however, it need not be at the expense of our convictions. Richard Mouw calls this “convicted civility.”[18]

Expressing civility and pursuing unity does not mean we’re prohibited from prophetic criticism of the thinking, beliefs, behaviors, and other systemic realities of the times. While it may be true that civility calls for us to affirm the right of another to express their beliefs, civility does not demand that we accept, affirm, or approve of those beliefs and their resulting actions. Saying one has the right to express their convictions is one thing; saying they are right in how they express them is something different. Civil conviction calls us to the former, not the latter.

The next post will address how civility and unity navigate questions of relational chemistry – Does being civil mean I have to like everyone? [HolwickID #64885]

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[1] John 13:35

[2] Frank Viola, “Warning: The World Is Watching How We Christians Treat One Another,” Beyond Evangelical (web log), January 14, 2013, http://frankviola.org/2013/01/14/warning/.

[3] Muehlhoff and Lewis, Authentic Communication, 104.

[4] Mel Lawrenz, Whole Church: Leading from Fragmentation to Engagement (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2009), 12.

[5] Ibid., 21.

[6] Muehlhoff and Lewis, Authentic Communication, 104.

[7] In this sense, practice does not make perfect, but it allows for improvement and reveals the space for further improvement. It is an effort of repetition where the end is not completion, but continued execution much like attorneys “practice” law or doctors “practice” medicine. “Practicing” Christians “practice” their faith.

[8] A concise exploration of Jesus’ conflict with and between his disciples as well as the religious leaders of his day is offered in Graham Stanton, The Gospels and Jesus (Oxford [England: Oxford University Press, 1989), 44-47.

[9] Galatians 2:8-15

[10] Acts 15:1-35

[11] 1 Corinthians 1:10-17, Philippians 4:1-3

[12] Ralph W. Emerson, “American Civilization,” The Atlantic, April 1, 1862, 2, http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1862/04/american-civilization/306548/?single_page=true.

[13] Emerson, “American Civilization.”

[14] Ibid.

[15] J. Anthony Lukas, “Something’s Gone Terribly Wrong in New York,” review of The Closest of Strangers, The New York Times, September 9, 1990, http://www.nytimes.com/1990/09/09/books/something-s-gone-terribly-wrong-in-new-york.html.

[16] Richard J. Finneran, ed., The Collected Works of W.B. Yeats, 2nd ed., vol. 1, The Poems (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1996), 182.

[17] Martin E. Marty, By Way of Response (Nashville: Abingdon, 1981), 81.

[18] Mouw, Uncommon Decency, 14.

Saying they have taken the wrong approach to marriage counseling for three decades, more than 100 scholars, religious and civic leaders pledged to turn the tide on divorce.

The pact to take a new tack in fostering strong marriages was signed Thursday at a conference addressing the breakdown of the family and growing divorce rates.

"For the past 30 years, marriage counselors have been operating with faulty information, and the divorce rate has soared," said Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education. "It's not because we were bad or stupid, we just had the wrong information."

Counseling policies are now based on the acceptance of family breakdown and focus on dealing with the aftermath instead of prevention, leading to a 50 percent divorce rate nationwide, she said.

Those policies stemmed from studies of failed marriages that cited frequent disagreements as the cause of failure. When researchers went back to study successful marriages, they found those couples also disagreed over some of the same issues such as money, sex and children.

Those whose marriage ended in divorce concluded they picked the wrong person because of frequent fights, Sollee said.

"We need to get out the message now, and tell people before they get married that it's OK to fight," she said. "Right now, we're sending couples out onto the football field and not telling them the rules."

Counselors should teach couples communication skills and how to handle their disagreements.

Leo Godzich of the National Association of Marriage Enhancement said churches bear part of the blame. His group released a survey of 532 churches from 17 denominations that showed the divorce rate among churchgoers is equal to or greater than the general population.

"When one considers that more than three-quarters of marriage ceremonies are performed in a church, it seems that those conducting weddings perceive marriages to be better than they are," Godzich said.

On the Net:

Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education:

http://www.smartmarriages.com

National Association of Marriage Enhancement:

http://www.hammondfirst.org/NAME.htm

AP-NY-06-30-00

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.

They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000!!

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doilie." The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving? He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the rest of the doilies."

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #13206]

It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week."

Where upon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."

Quotes about Conflict and Church:

“Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited — until you try to get into their pew.” — George Goldtrap

“Quit griping about the church; if it were perfect, you couldn’t belong.” — Monsignor Joseph Dooley

“I don’t know why some people change churches — what difference does it make which one you stay home from?” — Reverend Denny Brake

“If you can’t walk on water, don’t rock the boat.”

“The more a pastor works for change in a congregation, the more likely the congregation will change pastors.”

Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ. –Ephesians 4:15

A local driver violated not only the law but also basic common sense when he drove his pickup truck past roadblocks and tried to cross a partially completed overpass.

The bridge was being built to span a future highway. According to the newspaper, the pickup crossed more than half the bridge on the I-beams before falling 35 feet to the ground below, injuring the driver and his two passengers.

Even though it’s not polite to laugh when someone gets hurt, it’s hard to keep a straight face in the light of such sheer stupidity. But before we get too smug in our self-righteous assessment, let’s look at another kind of bridge–a bridge that most of us try repeatedly to cross before it’s finished and then wonder why we get so banged up.

Last year at the annual conference of Peacemaker Ministries, the founder and president Ken Sande said the way to live in peace is to “build bridges of love that can bear the weight of truth.”

When I thought about all the conflict I have seen and have been part of (or even caused), I quickly realized he was right. On many occasions I have boldly (and foolishly) spoken words that I believed were true to people I didn’t even like, much less love. Looking back, I know that my words, no matter how truthful, were just as wrong as the behavior I was speaking out against.

Bridges of love take a long time to build, and matters of truth often seem too urgent to be held up in the wait. But when we take time to look at the bloody, broken bodies lying at the foot of truth, we realize how much harm we can do when we use truth apart from a structure of love.

On the other hand, when truth comes from the lips of someone who does love us and whom we trust, we are more likely to survive hearing it, no matter how much it hurts. This is why . . .

• Parents who love their children are better at disciplining them.

• Pastors who love their people are better at leading them.

• People who love themselves are better at self-discipline.

• People who know God loves them are better at accepting His discipline.

So the next time you’re in a hurry to give someone a piece of your mind, try giving him a piece of your heart first. –JAL

REFLECTION

• Has anyone ever used truth to clobber me? How did I feel?

• Which is more important, truth or love? How can we express both when the need arises?

Truth gets lost without love.

A couple I'll call Tim and Janet flew off on their honeymoon, blissfully happy. Each thought the other was the perfect mate.

But just three months later, this couple was on the brink of divorce. They fought constantly over money. Janet wanted more attention, but Tim felt suffocated by Janet's demands. They even fought over whose turn it was to feed the dog.

The tension had become unbearable.

Tim and Janet aren't alone. In his book Marriage Savers, Mike McManus explains that before the wedding, most couples experience a glow of romantic enchantment. Bride and groom see each other as perfect.

But after the wedding, a period of disenchantment sets in. Many couples are shocked by the conflict that erupts in their relationship.

In one survey, half of all newlyweds reported “significant marital problems.” They never expected the changes that can take place after saying, “I do.”

This is a critical period for marriages. On one hand, it can be the time when the seeds of divorce are planted.

On the other hand, this period can be one of the teachable moments in a person's life when the Church can effectively intervene. Newlyweds are often baffled by the changes in their relationship, and they're eager for help.

One of the best programs available is ENRICH, a survey that gives a penetrating x-ray of any relationship. From a single half-hour test, a counselor often learns more about a couple than from weeks of informal discussion.

Christian couples generally score high on compatibility of religious beliefs — which gives them a big edge over nonbelievers.

But even Christians often score low on relational skills: on ability to communicate, resolve conflicts, manage finances. Through its questionnaire, ENRICH highlights weak areas and helps couples work on them — before the weaknesses become entrenched habits.

The couple then works with an older couple, who act as mentors. By candidly sharing their own problems and solutions, a mentor couple provides a vivid model of how to save a marriage.

The idea that newlyweds need special nurturing goes back to the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 24 says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” For a whole year newlyweds in ancient Israel were not to take on any stressful outside responsibilities. Clearly, the lesson for us today is that the Church is meant to tenderly nurture its young couples.

The divorce statistics in America are shocking — tripling over the past thirty years. What's even more shocking is that nearly three-fourths of those weddings took place in a church. Obviously, most churches are neither preparing couples before the wedding nor nurturing them afterward.

But you can help change that. Why not start a program for newlyweds in your church? If you're a mature couple, why not become mentors for younger couples?

You can help young couples like Tim and Janet and be a part of turning your church into a marriage saver.

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Copyright (c) 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

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I suppose you'd expect a man who's been married 30 years to a beautiful, intelligent woman would be able to share with you the intimate secrets to having a perfect marriage.

But I'm going to disappoint you! That's because Kay and I don't have a perfect marriage. She is without a doubt my best friend, and we have a wonderful relationship -- but as far as a perfect marriage, well, there's no such thing.

What Kay and I do have is a marriage centered on Christ, specifically focused on glorifying God. We remain committed to each other because we remain committed to Christ and His work within us.

After three decades in ministry, I've noticed that it's not unusual for couples to float through their first year or two of marriage in a love-blinded bliss.

But, frankly, that didn't happen for Kay and me. Our first two years together were the most difficult. In fact, we were ready to throw in the towel. If we both hadn't been committed to Jesus Christ and we both hadn't agreed that divorce was not an option, we wouldn't have stayed together. It was simply too difficult.

After we were married, Kay and I discovered that, apart from our love for God, we were about as opposite in nature as two people could be. We viewed life from two different angles and argued over just about everything.

I remember Kay's father sat us down the night before we were married and said, “There are five areas where marriages usually have conflict: money, sex, in- laws, children, and communication.” He proved to be prophetic: Kay and I went five for five!

The single factor that kept us married in those early years was that we agreed on one thing: Divorce would never be an option for us. You can't leave the door open even a little bit, or eventually one of you will try to escape. Slowly, over time, God helped us not only to accept our differences, but to appreciate them.

Through the process, we learned that any successful marriage is built upon the biblical truth that God designed each of us with five purposes in mind: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry and missions.

In other words, until you realize you and your mate were placed together for God's purposes, then your marriage will be difficult, complicated and exhausting. But once you understand God's plan, your marriage takes on new meaning.

BALANCING BIBLICAL PURPOSES

Here are five biblical purposes you should keep balanced in your marriage:

-- You and your spouse were both planned for God's pleasure. A man once asked Jesus, “What's the most important commandment?” Jesus replied, “I can summarize the entire Bible in two statements: Love God, and love other people!” (Matthew 22:36-39). That includes your spouse.

Life is about relationships, not achievements. You worship God when you love and sacrifice for your spouse (just read through Romans 12 with a view of what its applications would mean to your marriage). That brings pleasure to God, and any time you give pleasure to God, you're worshiping Him.

-- You and your spouse were formed for God's family. God made an incredible promise about the gathering of even just two believers: “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst” (Matthew 18:20, NAS). So if both you and your spouse are believers, God is already in your marriage working to transform the two of you into a purpose driven family unit!

Your marriage is a lab for learning how to love like Jesus loves. Within marriage, God has created an opportunity for us to develop a true intimacy and authenticity with another human being.

To go this deep requires genuine, heart-to-heart, gut-level sharing, where you and your spouse get honest about who you are and what's happening in your lives. This happens when you both share your hurts, reveal your feelings, confess your failures, disclose your doubts, admit your fears, acknowledge your weaknesses, and ask each other for help and prayer.

-- You and your spouse were both created to become like Christ. God uses your spouse to build His values, attitudes, morals and character within you.

Once you understand this, a lot of what happens within your marriage will begin to make more sense. When you start to ask, “Why is this happening to me?” The answer is -- to make you more like Jesus!

If God's purpose for each of our lives is to make us look more like Jesus, what better tool could he use than the marriage relationship? Who better for God to use to chisel you than the person you live with seven days a week? God is using each of you to shape the other person more and more into the image of Jesus.

-- You and your spouse were both shaped for serving God. The Bible says, “God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God has made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing” (Ephesians 2:10, NCV).

God shapes us for service through a variety of methods, including the difficulties in your marriage to shape you into an effective minister to others. Who could better help somebody recover from the pain of an addiction, a business failure or a prodigal child than a couple who has been through these things and emerged with godly insights?

Could it be that the part of your marriage you regret or resent most -- that which you've wanted to hide or forget -- is the very thing God wants to use as your ministry to help and encourage others sharing the same struggle? God doesn't just use our strengths; He uses our weaknesses, and even our failures!

-- You and your spouse were both made for a mission. Your marriage not only involves ministry, it also involves mission. Your ministry is to believers and your mission is to non-believers -- allowing God to use your marriage as a means for telling others about His love.

This may take many forms, from being a witness in your neighborhood to going overseas on mission trips together. The fact is, if you want God's blessing on your marriage, then you must care about what God cares about most. What is that? He wants His lost children found! He wants everyone to know Him and His purposes for their lives.

Marriage is a life-long process designed to teach you to see the needs of another person as more important than your own. It's a difficult transition because it's not natural. To think this way requires an intentional shift that can be made only through the power of God in your life.

The reward, however, is greater than anything you could ever imagine. I've often wondered what would have happened -- or not happened -- had Kay and I thrown in the towel many years ago. There would be no Saddleback Church, no purpose driven ministry and no “Purpose Driven Life”!

God's plan for your marriage is wider and deeper than anything in your wildest, craziest dreams. May our heavenly Father help you catch this vision as you chase it into the future.

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