65 Sermon Illustrations on Bitterness

Sermon series on parables. Matthew 18:23-35

"IN DEBT TO THE MAX" The King & Debtors

I. Forgiveness as a character issue.

A. The inability to forgive can cost us even more - eternal life.

B. Are you a forgiving person? A test:

1) Does memory of how someone hurt you still stir up pain?

2) If that person were sitting beside you this morning, would

II. A story of forgiveness.

III. What the parable is really about.

A. We are in great debt to God.

B. God forgives our debt because he loves, not because we're worthy.

IV. The parable continues.

A. The forgiven debtor finds someone who owes him. 18:28

B. Chokes him and demands payment.

C. The response of the king. 18:32

D. Why is the king so forgiving, yet so ruthless?

1) A God of such compassion and mercy cannot possibly accept as

2) Those who can't forgive are incapable of accepting it.

V. How we can forgive others.

A. Forgiveness is hard and unnatural.

B. Unforgiveness is even harder and more unnatural.

C. God can help us forgive.

1) Keep in mind what God has done for you.

2) Take a small first step. (Swallow your pride)

3) Don't expect miracles overnight.

VI. Forgiveness has an awesome healing quality in the end.

A thankful heart comes easy for many Americans. Even those whose circumstances provide reasons for sorrow and hurt can find something for which to express gratitude.

In her book, “A Thankful Heart,” Carole Lewis offers her testimony of how God can cultivate thanksgiving every day of the year, bringing hope and healing that lasts into eternity.

“Often, the holidays are very depressing times for families as we’re tempted to key in on their dysfunction, critical spirits and anger problems. Every family’s got them,” said Lewis, national director of First Place, a Christian weight-loss program that grew out of First Baptist Church in Houston.

“Sometimes it seems like there are more bad moments than good in life,” she writes in her book. “The problem is that if we don’t stop and take a clear look at our perceptions of these situations, pretty soon we find that we have bitter, negative experiences all day long. Soon enough, having negative experiences all day long turns into having negative experiences every day, every year, every decade.”

From dealing with traffic to feeling overwhelmed with work to suffering from illness and disease, Lewis writes, “It is easy for even the ordinary irritations of life to build into occasions for continual grumbling and dissatisfaction.” Over time, “We wake up and discover that these experiences have transformed us. It isn’t the situations that are negative now -- it’s us. We’ve become bitter, negative people,” she observes, adding, “And we hate who we’ve become.”

Negative attitudes eventually spill over to one’s health and well-being as the mind and body communicate with each other, she writes. “I’ve found it to be a simple truth -- when I do not practice developing a thankful heart, the person this hurts the most is me.

“Gripe about your job for a week and see how long you stay employed. Or snap at your husband every night when he comes home and see what sort of marriage it produces. It’s in our best interest to not fall into the trap of focusing on what’s wrong with life. Becoming a thankful person is a benefit to our lives that we absolutely cannot overlook.”

If anyone could give a reason not to be thankful, it’s Carole Lewis. She experienced financial devastation that led to bankruptcy, felt derailed in her own weight struggle due to health problems and continues to walk alongside her husband in his battle with stage four prostate cancer. But it was on Thanksgiving Day four years ago that Lewis faced the greatest challenge to a thankful heart.

Her daughter, Shari, son-in-law Jeff and their three daughters had celebrated the holiday with the Lewis family before traveling to dinner with Jeff’s family. As Shari stood behind their SUV, a drunk driver swerved from behind, ricocheted off a light pole and sent Lewis’ 39-year-old daughter into a field. A few hours later she died in a Houston hospital.

Several years later Lewis was asked by her publisher to write a book on grief. “I didn’t have that in me. Undeniably, Shari’s death has been the hardest thing our family has ever gone through,” she said in an interview. “Though the days following her death were full of pain for all of us, I can also say with thankfulness that they are not a blur.” Lewis’ own prayer journal relates 22 things for which she gave thanks in those days after the tragedy. Some are to be expected -- the Christian friends who gathered at the hospital. Others are surprising -- a granddaughter witnessing about Jesus to the young drunk driver. And some are amazing -- Jeff’s mom and brother accepting Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord one hour after Shari’s death.

“I never dreamed that thankfulness might be one of the things God would use to heal the huge void left in my heart,” Lewis wrote after pondering why she never experienced some of the stages of grief that are presumed to be a healthy response to such difficult times. Though she was shocked by her daughter’s death and ultimately learned to accept it, Lewis said she anticipated the stages of denial, anger and bargaining, but never experienced them.

“Could thankfulness in the midst of a circumstance as shattering as the death of my child propel me from shock to acceptance without my having to experience the other three stages?” she asked in the book. “I know that people grieve in different ways and that everyone is different, but I have come to believe that being thankful in the midst of a tragic circumstance is the key to moving toward healing.”

Through her own journals, Lewis has been able to see how God answered prayer during the death of a sister and sister-in-law, her own surgeries and her husband’s cancer, calling these her spiritual markers. “I used to wonder how you could ever know the Lord’s will,” she reflected, “but I cannot get out of His will if I’m walking with Him every day.”

Saved at the age of 12, Lewis admits in the book, “I had pretty much run my life my way since that time and until it was totally shipwrecked.” When poor money management, the loss of a business and ultimate bankruptcy turned her world upside down, God got her attention so dramatically that she finds herself grateful for the experience.

“Was I thankful at the time for the financial straits our family was in? Of course not!” she writes. Yet, when she thinks of all the ways God has prospered her family since, she is more amazed than anyone. “I am forever grateful for our money woes, because they were the vehicle that drove me to God,” she recounts. Eventually, they recovered their credit rating, paid off debt, began to tithe and even saved for retirement.

“I believe our God is able to work absolute wonders on our behalf if we can learn to thank and praise Him in the middle of any stressful situation of life,” Lewis writes. “When we’re not thankful, we tend to focus on what’s wrong. When we focus on the muck and grime of stressful situations, we begin to grumble and complain -- and that makes the situation appear worse than it actually is.”

Even as holiday gatherings bring to mind difficult relationships with family and friends, Lewis suggests learning to thank God for those people. “Instead of our running from the difficult people in our life, God desires to change us first as we learn how to thank Him for our difficult person.” In her own experience, Lewis has found God either heals the other person or moves them on to some other place.

“Chances are, you didn’t receive something you needed from certain family members, and you’ve wasted a lot of time trying to receive that particular something from those people,” she writes, adding that they “may not have a clue about your need.” She suggests reversing the pattern: “We can get what we’ve missed, not by grasping or clutching from those people, but by giving to them.”

With parents, a Christian can give the respect, courtesy and gentleness that was needed but never received, she writes. With spouses, admiration, encouragement and unconditional love should be offered. Parents can begin giving children the love, attention, boundaries and devotion they may never have received during their own growing-up years. “I’m talking about the type of lavish giving that expects nothing in return,” she states.

From 1 John 4:20, Lewis is reminded that if anyone says he loves God but hates his brother, he is a liar. “Our love for God can be best seen in our love for people. If we don’t love others, we don’t love God. Those are strong words.”

Even in casual contact with other people, Lewis advocates speaking blessings on them. “When someone cuts in front of us in traffic, we can ask God to bless him or her instead of railing against the person’s lack of courtesy.” We never know what other people are going through. By asking God to bless them, we are extending the same grace to them that God has extended to us.”

Through the loss of her own daughter, Lewis is even more convinced that “family is the most precious commodity we have.” Even when a person may not have caused an offense or separation, she encourages Christians to be “the sacrificial lamb” in such relationships. “Begin thinking about and watching for things in your family that you can be thankful for. Try not to key in on their dysfunctions,” she advised. “If you’ve got family members you’re not speaking to, call or write them now. If we’ve prayed about it, God’s going to go before us and He can heal our families. He wants to do that.”

“As we begin practicing thankfulness today, God will begin an amazing transformation in our hearts,” she writes, reflecting on 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Lewis said her family has watched every year to see what God is going to do on Thanksgiving Day that is especially for them. “When you lose a loved one on or near a holiday, it doesn’t matter that it’s always on a different day. It’s always the holiday,” she said. While it is never easy, she does feel it’s getting easier. “God just got us through it and he’s done that every year.” For Lewis, thanksgiving is a heartfelt response.

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[Original illustration at this number was deleted for being obsolete]

Sermon on bitterness.

1. Bitterness is common and afflicts many Christians.

2. Causes of bitterness.

3. Effects of bitterness.

a. Steers you away from God.

b. Breaks down human relationships.

c. Turns your focus to worldliness.

4. Victory over bitterness.

a. Don't let it start to begin with.

b. Do something about it.

c. Turn your thoughts and actions toward love.

5. Our response.

In an article in “Guideposts,” Corrie ten Boom told of not being able to forget a wrong that had been done to her. She had forgiven the person, but she kept rehashing the incident and so, couldn’t sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help in putting the problem to rest.

“His help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor,” Corrie wrote, “to whom I confessed my failure after two sleepless weeks. ‘Up in that church tower,’ he said, nodding out the window, ‘is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First ding, then dong. Slower and slower until there’s a final dong and it stops. I believe the same thing is true of forgiveness. When we forgive, we take our hand off the rope. But if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for a while. They’re just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down.’

“And so it proved to be. There were a few more midnight reverberations, a couple of dings when the subject came up in my conversations. But the force - which was my willingness in the matter - had gone out of them. They came less and less often and at last stopped altogether. And so I discovered another secret of forgiveness: we can trust God not only above our emotions, but also above our thoughts.”

Victim-thinking permeates our society, including the church. The trouble with bitterness is that it does not stay the same; like a cancer, it grows. It distorts reality. It keeps us chained to the past. In a world of inequity, we're going to have our share of bitter experiences.

Ten steps to becoming better rather than bitter.

1. Acknowledge the problem.

2. Stop feeding bitterness.

3. Stop making excuses for what happened.

4. Live in forgiveness.

5. Give yourself time to process your feelings.

6. Initiate reconciliation.

7. Rid yourself of every root of bitterness as soon as possible.

8. Renew your mind.

9. Make things happen.

10. Proclaim God is sovereign.

Psalm 10 is called the "victim's psalm" by the author. A fill-in-the-blank self-study follows.

Incredible as it sounds, Alexander Whortley lived in a mini-trailer 3 feet wide, 4 feet long, and 5 feet high until he died at the age of 80. It was made of wood, had a metal roof, and it housed him and all his meager belongings. No matter where he worked, Whortley chose to spend his life in that cramped space, even though larger quarters were always available.

I can’t imagine why anyone would choose to live in a box - certainly not if housing with far more elbow room were available. But are we allowing ourselves to be squeezed into narrow boxes of a different sort? Are we hemmed in by selfishness, an unforgiving spirit, bitterness, or sinful habits? Are we boxed in by unbelief with its coffin-like narrowness of vision, seeing only this little world and this brief lifetime as the hope-suffocating sum of our existence?

God wants us to live in the expansive joy of His strength, realizing the security of His protection and the blessing of His favor (Psalm 84:11). He lovingly urges us to dwell in the spacious mansion of faith and freedom in Jesus Christ. But to do this, we must, in obedience to the Lord, move out of our spiritual boxes and abandon the doubt, the guilt, and the fear that constrict our souls. -VCG

The Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. — Psalm 84:11

There’s a wideness in God’s mercy

Like the wideness of the sea;

There’s a kindness in His justice,

Which is more than liberty. — Faber

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #4698]

One of the worst cases of hatred I have ever come across is found in a will written in 1935 by a Mr. Donohoe to his two daughters. It says, "Unto my two daughters, Frances Marie and Denise Victoria, by reason of their unfilial attitude toward a doting father, ... I leave the sum of $ 1.00 to each and a father's curse. May their lives be fraught with misery, unhappiness, and poignant sorrow. May their deaths be soon and of a lingering malignant and torturous nature..The last line of the will is so vicious I shudder to quote it. It reads, "May their souls rest in hell and suffer the torments of the condemned for etemity." Such utter contempt didn't develop in a day. It had to grow over a long period of time. We should never allow our minds to become fertile soil for the seeds of hatred. We would do ourselves a world of good by heeding the words of Paul, "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath" (Eph. 4:26).

Victor Frankl, the eminent German Jewish doctor, was arrested by the Gestapo during World War II. As he was being interrogated by the Nazi secret police, Frankl was stripped of all his possessions -- his clothes, his jewelry, his wedding band. His head was shaved. He was repeatedly taken from his prison cell, placed under bright lights, and questioned for hours. He underwent many savage, senseless tortures. But Frankl realized he had one thing left: "I still had the power to choose my own attitude. Bitterness or forgiveness, to give up or go on."

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Another version by David Holwick:

Whenever I think of horrible circumstances, the Nazi concentration camps in World War II come to mind. In those camps Hitler murdered more than six million people, mostly Jews. They weren’t just killed outright. Many of them starved to death or were so weak they died from common illnesses. One of the few survivors was a psychologist named Victor Frankl. After the war he wrote a book called “Man’s Search For Meaning.” In one passage he says: “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last pieces of bread. They may have been few in number but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing cannot – the last of human freedom to choose your attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose your own way.”

Paul had this approach to life. You could beat him up but you couldn’t touch his soul. This gave him a tremendous ability to cope with life’s problems.

[see also HolwickID #14791]

There is an "if" in the middle of "rift". If one allows Satan to do so, he will cause a root of bitterness to spring up, even out of the heart of one who had been sanctified. However, when Satan "goes on a tear," like the lion that roared against Samson, seeking to rip things apart spiritually, happy is he who so maintains his charity for all the brethren, unity with all the brethren, and equanimity among all the brethren. When there is a time of division, it is possible that "Out of the eater (shall come) forth meat, and out of the strong (differences shall come) forth sweetness" in the souls of those who remain sanctified. (Judges 14:14)

Consider the following adaptation of Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" [the original poem follows]:

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.

If you can trust (The Lord) when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too.

If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken,

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools.

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you.

If all men count with you, but none too much.

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run.

Yours is God's Heaven and everything that's in it,

And, which is more, you'll be a sanctified, man, my son.

--Duane V. Maxey

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"If" by Rudyard Kipling:

IF YOU CAN KEEP your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aiin;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same,

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with womout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so bold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

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"Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness."

-- William Arthur Ward

The best memory is that which forgets nothing but injuries. Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust."

-- Persian Proverb, Bits & Pieces 8/21/02

"Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness."

-- David Augsburger

"When death, the great reconciler, has come, it is never our tenderness that we repent of, but our severity."

-- T.S. Eliot, poet, QFTM 5/17/03

“How can we understand forgiveness if we haven't recognized the depth of our sin?”

-- John Henry Newman

A friend of mine and his son love to take off backpacking along a beautiful river near their house. And they’ve learned some interesting "tricks of the trade" to make sure they have clean water to drink without the weight of having to carry water with them all the time. They take iodine pills with them on their hikes. Now apparently, they can collect some water from the river, dissolve iodine in it, and the water comes out clean. But then who would want to drink it? Iodine-flavored water isn’t exactly the taste sensation that’s sweeping the nation. But that’s where the Kool-Aid comes in. They mix in some Kool-Aid. It actually makes that bitter water sweet, they tell me!

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "The Sweetener."

When God’s people were navigating the wilderness in the Old Testament, well, of course, Kool-Aid hadn’t been invented yet. But they did have a bitter water situation - and a miracle that changed everything. The story is in Exodus 15, beginning with verse 22 - it’s actually our word for today from the Word of God.

Here’s what it says. "For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter ... So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, ‘What are we to drink?' Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood He threw into the water, and the water became sweet." Amazing. God miraculously changes what was bitter into something sweet. You know, He’s still doing that miracle today. With bitter people. Bitter feelings. Bitter situations.

And that might be exactly what you need to be praying for right now. Actually, "crying out to the Lord for," as Moses did. That’s not just a casual, trite little prayer. That’s a desperate cry to God for something so hard that only He can do it. Right now, you may be thinking of someone in your personal world who is bitter. There’s resentment, sarcasm, cynicism, anger, maybe unforgiveness. The good news is that God is the world’s leading Heart Surgeon - He can change a heart in ways that no human could ever dream. But you need to be faithfully, fervently praying for God to do whatever it takes to change the heart of that bitter person. Especially if that bitter person is you.

The Bible makes it clear that you "miss the grace of God" when you let a "bitter root" grow in you. And your bitterness will, according to God, "cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15) But maybe your bitter pond isn’t a person - it’s a situation you’re in right now. God has the power to sweeten a bitter situation, as well as a bitter person.

But God may have a "piece of wood" He wants you to throw into the bitter waters. Maybe it’s that apology you need to give ... a letter you need to write ... some forgiving you need to do ... a healing step you need to take. As you pray about the bitter, ask God if there’s a step He wants you to take in bringing about that sweetening miracle.

Don’t underestimate the power of Almighty God to sweeten what you thought would always be bitter. If you’ll trust and you’ll obey - trust God to change things and obey His orders to make it happen. With a God as powerful and loving as ours, no bitter pond has to stay bitter. Not when God does His miracle of making bitter things sweet.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

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In the house where I grew up, we drank a lot of milk. In the house where my wife grew up, they tried to get her to drink a lot of milk. But there was one glass of milk Karen had when she was a little girl that sort of ruined milk for her from then on. It had this really bitter taste - and her parents, not knowing how it tasted, forced her to finish drinking it. Well, as Farm Girl explained it to City Boy here, their cows had apparently been eating something called bitterweed - which turns what they produce into something bitter. Just ask my wife.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Feeding On Bitterweed."

When cows feed on something bitter, they start producing something that's bitter. So do we. That's why God warns us in Hebrews 12:15, our word for today from the Word of God: "See to it that no one misses the grace of God." Now, that's a horrible thought. God's grace is something we cannot afford to miss. How does that happen? It goes on to say "...and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Don't let any bitterweed - or bitter root - grow up in your heart. If you do, it will ruin the taste of many things in your life.

And bitterness grows when it's fed. When you allow yourself to feed on things that are bitter. And there is always plenty of bitterweed to feed on if you let yourself. You can focus on your frustrations (there are always plenty of those) ... on your failures or the failures of others. You can focus on how you've been hurt or how you've been mistreated. You can hang out with positive people or negative people. You can listen to and participate in conversations that tear people down or that build people up. You can store up resentment in this emotional savings account, constantly rehearsing the bad things that have happened - or you can count your blessings and concentrate on the positive things around you.

A bitter spot in your heart never stays the same size. It just keeps growing if you don't deal with it. And one problem with bitterness is that it really doesn't much hurt the person you're bitter against, but it eats you alive on the inside. You don't hold a grudge - a grudge holds you. Those spiritual toxins you've allowed to grow in your system can ruin some of the beautiful things in your life. Remember, bitterness "causes trouble and defiles many" - including people you live with, people you work with, and people you go to church with.

And it apparently limits what God can do in your life. Either the grace of God pushes out your bitterness or your bitterness pushes out the grace of God. Think about it. Do you find yourself turning harder, more critical, more caustic, more negative? Then consider what you've been feeding on. It could be you've allowed yourself to spend way too much time grazing on bitterweed.

If you need to forgive someone, forgive them. If there's something you need to let go, please let it go. Apologize if you need to apologize. Go talk to that person if you need to. Drop out of the gossip chain. Avoid those negative people. Do whatever it takes to attack the bitterweed in your heart, or it's just going to keep growing and you've got to stop before it grows any more before it makes everything taste bitter.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

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The other day in the airport, I saw a mother and her daughter hustling to make a plane. But the little girl's face was covered with a mask that was basically a screen - she could see through it, but it was protecting her face. In just a glance, I could see that her face had been badly burned. She had long sleeves and long pants on ... my guess is that she probably had burns on other parts of her body, too. I really felt for her - and for her mother. She appeared to be a burn victim, doing all she could to heal and recover.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "When You've Been Burned."

It's tragic to be a burn victim - even if you've been spiritually burned. Maybe especially if you've been spiritually burned. Physical burns affect your outside, and they can often be treated medically. When you've been burned spiritually, the scars are inside where they're hard to get at. Someone's reading today who is just such a burn victim.

It can happen many ways. Often you get hurt by some people who claim to be Christians ... or you have a bad experience with a church or a ministry. And whether the causes are real, perceived, or a combination of both, there are way too many people who have withdrawn to the spiritual sidelines because they feel burned. Maybe you've been hurt or disillusioned ... and maybe you've withdrawn and isolated yourself from Christian things ... or you've become reluctant to make any spiritual commitments ... or you've just tried to protect yourself by hardening your heart ... or maybe you're using the hypocrisy of others as an excuse to do wrong things. You're one of Christianity's burn victims.

We probably don't need to talk anymore about your hurt - we need to talk about your healing. Which God talks about in our word for today from the Word of God. I'm hoping that these wonderful promises from Isaiah 61, beginning with verse 1, will help you make today a turning point day - a day when you begin to move from burn victim to burn victor.

In a passage describing the Messiah's mission, the Lord says, "He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted ... to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair." I so want those words to be about you ... and God so wants to do those things for you - if you'll let Him.

God's program of burn therapy and plastic surgery on your soul will include several action steps on your part. They're challenging, but they're the road to healing. It starts when you focus on Christ and not on Christians. Jesus didn't burn you - and the heart of being a Christian is Jesus' simple command - "Follow Me." Next, you need to open up to healing. You've nursed and rehearsed your wounds long enough - now it's time to get well. You also need to recognize your own imperfection. We've all been hurt - but we've all been hurters, too. You and I stand as guilty of hurting people as the people who hurt us.

That makes the next step slightly easier - release the bitterness. The grudges inside are an emotional cancer that poison so much of your life. Ask God to heal you of the bitterness that costs you so much of His grace. (Hebrews 12:15) Then, forgive the hurters - as Colossians 3:13 says, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." And then I hope you can rejoin the family of God where you belong and become part of the answer. You know what's hurting people in the Church - use that knowledge and experience to help model how it's supposed to be.

Hard steps ... important steps ... steps to healing. Jesus heals burn victims - and replaces their mourning with gladness, their ashes with beauty, their despair with praise. Let Him work that healing miracle in you.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

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I've got this one black blazer that I really like to wear. Unfortunately, it has this one little problem. It's wool. Which means it's sort of magnetic - especially for lint and anything else that might jump up and attach itself to that jacket. I'm having to brush that blazer off all the time. It just picks up all this stuff!

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "Lint Collectors."

Now, it's not just clothes that are like that. There's way too many people like that - they seem to pick up anything that's negative in the air and hang onto it. They have a tendency to pick up any "lint" that's around.

Maybe you have a tendency to be like that - and maybe you don't even know it. But when there's something negative in the air - frustrations, gossip, negative comments about someone, negative feelings about someone, people's mistakes, tensions between people - well, you just sort of gravitate to that stuff. You collect negatives. You like to hear about problems ... talk about problems.

Of course, all this is the opposite of the way Jesus expects us to be. Take, for example, our word for today from the Word of God, beginning with Ephesians 4:26. "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry ... do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building others up ... get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice ... Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you."

In short, eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive. I wonder if you're basically a positive person? It's one of the words that should describe every follower of Jesus Christ. Of course, even a positive person can have a tendency to pick up way too much lint - I mean, negative. You actually have to make a conscious decision to close your ears to the negative lint that's floating in the air ... to walk away from it ... to refuse to pass on anything negative about a person.

Remember, love, according to the great love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13, "is patient, love is kind ... it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil ... it always protects." That's "protects," as in the opposite of "attacks." Instead of wearing a personality that collects the lint in the air, God says to "clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

It might be time to evaluate the input you've been welcoming into your heart - and the output that's been coming from you about other people, especially the ones you have a hard time with. Is it possible that you've been collecting negatives? Focusing on negatives? Spreading negatives? That's actually something to confess repentantly to your Lord. Those people you may have been criticizing or judging or putting down are people God's Son gave His life for. He doesn't enjoy hearing about them being talked about or treated disrespectfully. Ask your Savior to begin changing the kind of personality that you put on each morning - to one that doesn't collect all that lint!

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

In SHOAH, Claude Lanzmann's documentary on the Holocaust, a leader of the Warsaw ghetto uprising speaks of the bitterness that remains in his soul over how he and his neighbors were treated by the Nazis. "If you could lick my heart," he says, "it would poison you." One can easily understand how he felt, and how difficult it is to forgive a crime so great when the sins committed were of such a heinous, horrific nature. But let us look at the cost of such bitterness.

In order to put forgiveness into perspective, we would do well to consider the logic of unforgiveness, to which Bosnia provides a most graphic example. The wholesale slaughter of people in Bosnia and Rwanda is a bloody reminder of poisonous hearts, the fearsome result of unstoppable human vengeance. The ongoing cycle of repaying vengeance with vengeance undoubtedly contributed to the twentieth century being the bloodiest century the world has ever seen.

Indeed, forgiveness is costly but unforgiveness may be costlier. I believe that ultimate forgiveness is seen best in the cross of Jesus Christ. In the cross of Christ I see the greatest price paid for one's forgiveness but also the greatest good gained in rebuilding one's own life. The cross of Christ does not minimize evil or gloss over reality; rather, it shows evil at its ugliest, even while offering a new beginning in the most profound sense of the term. But the grace of forgiveness, because God Himself has paid the price for our sinful hearts, is a Christian distinctive and stands splendidly over and against our hate-filled, unforgiving, poisoned world. God's forgiveness gives us a fresh start.

May I close with a poem? Hear the beautiful words of an elementary school teacher:

He came to my desk with a quivering lip,

the lesson was done.

"Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher?

I've spoiled this one."

I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted

and gave him a new one all unspotted.

And into his tired heart I cried,

"Do better now, my child."

I went came to the throne with a trembling heart;

the day was done.

"Have you a new day for me, dear Master?

I've spoiled this one."

He took my day, all soiled and blotted

and gave me a new one all unspotted.

And into my tired heart he cried,

"Do better now, my child." [1]

Are you in need of forgiveness? The Cross is for you. God offers you a new sheet today. Will you receive it?

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1. Anonymous, “A New Leaf,” James G. Lawson, compiler, The Best Loved Religious Poems (Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1961). Used by

permission.

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Copyright © 2002 Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). Reprinted with permission. "A Slice of Infinity" is a radio ministry of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries.

During our Mission Alaska trip to young Native Alaskans, I spent a lot of time in a little missionary aircraft. It's the only way to get to villages that are 400 miles from the nearest road! One day when the weather wasn't much fun, our pilot asked me to keep an eye on the wing on my side. He said, “Let me know if you see any icing.” Of course, I hear “icing” and I think of a birthday cake. A pilot hears icing, and he thinks danger in the air. Amazingly, a little ice on the wings adds just enough weight to endanger the plane. It interrupts the airflow that keeps the plane airborne, and it starts losing altitude. So that day over Alaska, I really kept my eyes open for ice!

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “The High Price of a Little Ice.”

Now, it doesn't take much ice on the wings to cause an airplane to start losing altitude. It doesn't take much ice in your soul to cause you to start losing altitude - to start going down spiritually.

Our word today from the Word of God addresses some of the attitudes and the reactions that start an ice buildup in your heart. Beginning in Ephesians 4:26, Paul says, “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

A little anger accumulating in your heart; hard feelings that aren't immediately confronted and resolved. Hey, how dangerous can that be? About as dangerous to your relationship with God and with that other person as a little ice on an airplane's wings. Listen to what God says about it. “And do not give the devil a foothold.” Unresolved anger, even for a day, gives the devil a wide open door to bring you down!

Then God tells us to take radical action against other destructive feelings. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” In other words, God says get rid of it! Attack it - the resentment you've allowed to build up inside you, the jealousy, the unforgiveness, the anger.

God knows you can't remove the ice in your soul without replacing it with something warm. So He tells you to treat the people who have angered or aggravated or hurt you exactly the opposite of the way you feel like treating them. He says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”

See, those last few words are the key. You make a conscious decision to remove the walls and treat that person, not as they have treated you, but as Jesus has treated you - with undeserved grace and forgiveness. Until you reach out to God for the grace to forgive that person, to treat them with compassion, and kindness, and gentleness - you will keep going down. And ultimately the weight of that ice in your soul will make you crash in your relationship with God and in your relationship with other people.

Be as vigilant about that ice in your soul as a pilot is about ice on the wings. And do not let it build up for even a day! If you do, it will ultimately bring down a relationship, a marriage, a family, a church, a ministry. And it will bring down your walk with God. There's a very high price for a little ice.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

I've been privileged to have many friends in law enforcement over the years. No, not because I was in their custody. But some of them have the intriguing and harrowing assignment of being involved with both a SWAT team and the Hostage Negotiating Team. Needless to say, they are specialists who are called in when there's an especially dangerous situation, often involving people who are being held hostage by a felon. Their mission, one way or another, is to do whatever it takes to bring out those who have been taken captive.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “Taking Back What The Enemy Stole.”

That could be the mission God is asking you to go on right now. There's something, or someone, that our enemy Satan has stolen. And your Lord wants you to fight to get back what your enemy has no right to have.

There's a memorable picture of this in our word for today from the Word of God in 1 Samuel 30, beginning with verse 3. While David and his warriors have been out on a military mission, their mortal enemies, the Amalekites, launch a sneak attack on David's camp and take prisoner “the women and all who were in it.” The Bible says, “When David and his men came to Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive.” The Bible says they wept until “they had not strength left to weep.” It's a heartbreaking scene.

But those tears then turned to bitterness - “each one was bitter in his spirit,” the Bible says. “But David found strength in the Lord his God.” So, “David inquired of the Lord” and, as a result of God's direction, he led his men to take back what the enemy had stolen. And the Bible says, “David recovered everything the Amalekites had taken ... nothing was missing: young or old, boy or girl, plunder or anything else they had taken. David brought everything back.”

That may be God's word to you today, because your enemy has stolen something or someone he has no right to. It could be he's stolen a child of yours or the love that was once in your marriage. Maybe the enemy has taken the joy you once had in serving your Lord, or he's stolen the love and unity of your church once knew, or the sense of calling you once had. Satan also steals reputations ... even years of your life, by keeping you from Jesus. Now when you've lost something to an enemy ambush, it's easy, like David's men, to succumb to bitterness and to feel like surrendering. But, like David, you need to “find strength in the Lord your God” instead of finding discouragement in what you've lost.

Then you pray for God's strategy for fighting back to recover what the enemy has stolen. Declare war on whatever has been keeping you from recovering what you should never forfeit to the darkness. Maybe you've been accepting a loss that you should never have surrendered to. You know what God is saying? It is time to fight back and realize that the Messiah, Jesus, who descended from David, has the power to “bring everything back.” You are no match for this enemy from hell, but he is no match for your Jesus!

And Jesus told us that we could pray and bind that strongman, and one stronger than he is (and he is speaking of Jesus himself) will come and overpower him and take away his possessions. And those are possessions he never should have had. The enemy may have his hands on something or someone that he has no right to. It's time for you to follow General Jesus into the battle to take back what the enemy has stolen!

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

We met Gal on an Indian reservation. She wasn't easy to get to know, actually. Gal was a cute black and white dog owned by a missionary couple that our On Eagles' Wings Team was working with on a remote reservation. Most dogs run up to you when you come to the door, even if you're a stranger, and they're usually all over you. Not Gal. She ran the other way and cowered in the corner, no matter how gentle, how friendly you were to her. She just didn't want to come out of her corner for anybody. “Strange dog,” I thought. Until her owners explained that Gal had been terribly abused by her first owners. When she saw people, she saw pain.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “Everybody's Got a Story.”

You couldn't understand the way that dog acted until you knew her story. People are like that, too. You watch how they act, how they treat people, you see that attitude they have, and you say, “Forget you, buddy” or you respond with the same garbage they just dished out to you. But the “make a difference” people in this world, the healers, are the ones who never forget this critical issue in dealing with people: you can't understand the way they act until you know their story. And everybody's got a story.

I remember discovering how wrong I had been about some people in our class in college after many of them poured out their hearts at a senior retreat.Late into the night, people you thought you knew revealed the pain in their background. And suddenly the lights went on and you said, “So that's what I've been seeing all these years!” And you felt badly that you had been responding to them based on their deeds, and never considering the needs behind those deeds.

That's the kind of radical love God is calling you and me to in our word for today from the Word of God in Ephesians 4, beginning with verse 29. He says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs.” In other words, don't say things that will tear a person down, only things that will build that person up. Why? Because you're focusing on their needs, not just their deeds. You may hate their deeds, but God's asking you to develop His compassion to respond to the needs that drive their deeds. Whether that person is your child, your spouse, your parent, your friend, your coworker, someone at church.

If you knew their story, you'd understand that they've been made to feel worthless much of their life. So they make choices based on the fact that they're trash. Or maybe they treat other people that same way. Maybe their story includes some awful hurt that has turned them hard so they won't get hurt anymore. Maybe there's some morally dark chapters in their past that can make them critical and legalistic today because they hate what they used to be. They may wound because they've been wounded. Somewhere behind the way they act is a story of a perfectionist parent, trust lost because of abuse, the absence of a father's love, abandonment, failure, tragedy.

So, the Bible says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger.” That's our response to their deeds. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other...” That's how we'll respond if we operate, trying to understand there are needs beneath those deeds; there's a history behind those hang-ups. One thing I can tell you from a lot of years of learning what's really inside people - when a person is hardest to love, they need your love the most! And that's when you ask Jesus to release His love through you because your love just isn't enough. React to their bad attitude or their bad treatment, and you can be just another person who just wounds an already wounded person more. Respond with the mercy and the grace and the compassion of Jesus and you can be part of healing that wounded person. Because everybody's got a story, and you can help write a new chapter.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

[Original illustration here was a duplicate in HolwickID 25837-26027]

Stonewall Jackson was one of the South's greatest generals in the Civil War, and he died on the battlefield - shot by mistake by his own men. He's possibly the most famous victim of one of war's greatest tragedies. They call it friendly fire. It's bad enough that a fellow soldier is killed by enemy fire, but the heartbreak is compounded when someone is shot by their own.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “When You've Been Hurt By Friendly Fire.”

It happens in God's army; people who are deeply wounded, shot by their own. Hurt, betrayed, disappointed by church folks, by people who claim to be Christians. You may be one of those. You know the disillusionment that can cause, the cynicism about anything Christian, the desire to distance yourself from Christian things like you'd keep away from a dog that had bitten you. If you've been spiritually wounded by friendly fire, you're on my heart today. More importantly, you're on God's heart; whether He's on your heart or not.

When you're physically wounded, you find medical help so you can recover. How do you recover from the spiritual and emotional wounds of friendly fire? Let me suggest four steps to spiritual recovery. I don't think you want to keep living with the negativity, and self-pity, and resentment, and withdrawal of those who've been wounded; that stuff just eats you up inside. I think you might be ready for some steps to recovery.

They focus on seven little words in Hebrews 12:1-2, our word for today from the Word of God. These verses are about how to finish as a winner in the spiritual race we run here during our time on earth. It calls us to “...run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” I wish you could say these four words out loud a few times, “It's all about Jesus.” Get your eyes off Christians and churches and remember who got you started spiritually and who will be at the finish line: Jesus.

Recovery step number one is to realize it wasn't Jesus who hurt you. Maybe you've been withdrawing from Christians. Whatever you do, don't withdraw from Jesus. You've never needed Him more. Recovery step number 2: Defy Satan's strategy to isolate you so he can have you. The Bible says, “The devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Resist him...” (1 Peter 5:8-9) In Africa, lions try to catch a gazelle that's away from the herd. If they're alone, he can have them. If they're with the others, they're usually safe. God never designed for us to try to live for Christ alone. If you're holding back from getting close to some of your brothers and sisters in Christ, you're setting yourself up to be a lion lunch.

So, the third recovery step is this: Realize that God's people are where home is. That's why the Bible warns us not to “give up meeting together.” (Hebrews 10:25) There are many believers who don't shoot their own, who are imperfect but genuinely loving people. You've got to risk finding a church like that; you need them and they need you. One other recovery step: Let go of the resentment instead of letting it grow. Ask the God who has forgiven you so much to give you His grace to forgive those who've hurt you. The feelings you harbor aren't hurting them at all, but they're killing you!

Above all, don't let Christians make you miss Jesus! Jesus never said, “Follow My followers” or “Follow My leaders.” He said, “Follow Me.” It's all about Jesus - the One who died for your sins so you wouldn't have to. It's ultimately Christ you accept or reject, not Christians. It's the Cross you have to decide about, not the church. And it's Jesus you will meet when you've taken your last breath. All that's going to matter then - all that really matters now - is what have you done with Jesus? If you've never fully given yourself to Him as your only hope, don't let anything or anyone keep you from Him one more day!

Your wounds are not a reason to stay away from Jesus. In fact, they're a reason to run to Him. He's waiting, as He has been for a long time, with arms wide open to love you.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

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[Original illustration at this number was added to HolwickID #6238]

The idea of teamwork in marriage isn't really that tough. For example, my wife prepares a meal and I clear the table and rinse the dishes. Now, I'm known as the mad cleaning man around our house. I might clean your plate while you're still in mid-bite, you know? I like to get my job done. Now, I've had some people say to me over the years, “Oh, leave the dishes. Don't worry about them now. Come on into the living room with us. The dishes will wait.” I have never known the dishes to rinse themselves or put themselves away. In fact, it is a wise discipline to rinse a dirty dish immediately.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I'd like to have A Word With You today about “The Longer it Waits, the Harder it Gets.”

Our word today from the Word of God comes from Ephesians 4, beginning with verse 26. “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Here's the biblical clock on strained relationships. That clock runs out at sundown every day. Remember those old westerns where the marshal might say, “You better be out of here by sundown.” Well, that's what we're supposed to be saying to any anger, or resentment or conflict that comes up. “Get out of here by sundown.”

Now, there's a good reason for this. It's like those food remnants on our dirty dishes. If you deal with them right away, they're soft. They're easy to remove. Just rinse the plate, and the food falls right off. If you wait, it turns hard so you have to scrape and work, and it's tough to remove it because it's stuck. Maybe that's why we call unresolved anger “hard feelings.” Anger turns hard very quickly, and that gives the devil an opportunity to enter your marriage, or a parent-child relationship, or a friendship, a church. At the core of every marriage break-up there's probably been an issue that was once a small one, but it was not dealt with immediately. At the core of a broken parent-child relationship, a hurting friendship, a divided church, there are people who didn't clean up their anger when it first appeared, when it was still small and relatively soft, so it's led to a terrible outcome. The devil found his place.

Maybe there's a strained relationship in your life right now. Maybe there have been too many sunsets and bad feelings toward someone. It will never be smaller than it is right now. It's probably bigger than it used to be, but this is the smallest it will ever be. This issue will never be easier to address than right now, no matter how hard that might seem to you. It's only going to get harder. It's only going to get more costly, and you'll only turn darker inside.

Today is always your best opportunity to go to that person and do whatever it takes to repair things. If you need to, apologize. Confront if you need to, pray together, and talk it through with them. You say, “Well, that's going to be tough.” Not as tough as not doing it. You just cannot afford that hard spot in your heart that develops from the anger that you stuff inside, and you let it grow instead of letting it go.

See, anger never stays the same size. Bitterness never stays the same size. They always, always grow. Take it from a veteran dish rinser. There is nothing to gain in waiting to get to it, because the longer you wait, the harder it gets.

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Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

Is it difficult for you to forgive? To let the past be past? It is for me. Nearly impossible sometimes. I'm a little like the elderly Virginian woman who lived to see her beloved Richmond occupied by Union troops after the American Civil War. The matron was walking down a Richmond street when she tripped over a step and fell. A Union soldier courteously helped her up.

“How very kind of you, young man,” she said acidly. “If there is a cool spot in hell, I hope you get it.”

Maybe it was still a bit early for her to let go of those deep-seated resentments. But angry and bitter lives are never happy lives.

A beautiful legend tells of an African tribe that ritualizes forgiveness. When a tribe member acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he/she is taken to the center of the village. All work ceases and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused. Then the tribe bombards the rejected person with affirmations! One at a time, friends and family enumerate all the good the individual has done. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with some detail and accuracy is recounted. All their positive attributes, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. Finally, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the outcast is welcomed back into the tribe.

What a beautiful ritual of restoration! They replace hurt with happiness; pain with peace. Once again they are family. The rejected one is restored and the village is made whole.

Paul Boese has said, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” As brothers and sisters in our global village, is letting go of those resentments really an option?

”If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18, NIV).

If we live in the Western World and don’t already know someone who has gone through divorce, sooner or later we will. Sadly, it is happening far too much … and Christians aren’t immune from it.

Both Joan and Brad thought divorce was the answer to their problems. But it wasn’t. They left each other, but both took their own problems with them. It also created a lot of new problems — ones they hadn’t fully considered, such as severe financial problems especially for Joan who was left to take care of the three children when she became a single working parent. Then there was the problem of loneliness and bitter disappointment — especially at holiday seasons such as Christmas — with memories of happier days and now living with shattered dreams of what was or might have been.

It is true that God hates divorce. Who doesn’t? There are many other things God hates, too, such as legalism, gossip and a judgmental attitude and anything else that is destructive of human personality. That also includes destructive marriages where there may not be divorce, but there is bitterness, envy, cheating, dishonesty, fighting, physical abuse, emotional abuse, unresolved problems that hurt each other and the children, parents who are emotionally distant from each other and the children, and spouses who are already emotionally divorced from each other., etc., etc.

If divorce has happened to you, as shattering as it is, it doesn’t have to be a self-defeating experience. It can be God’s wake-up call to help you face what you contributed to your marriage breakup. And then, with God’s help and that of an understanding counselor and/or supportive friends, in time you can pick up the pieces of your shattered dreams, grow to overcome any unresolved character issues and/or personal problems you may have, and become a much healthier person as a result.

In divorce and any other disappointment or failure, the enemy will want to use it to make us bitter, disillusioned and resentful, but God wants to use it to help us grow and become the persons he envisioned us to be. We can become bitter or better. That choice is ours.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me not to be judgmental of those whose marriages have failed and where the partners have divorced, but to be an under- standing and supportive friend. And help me in all of my relationships to be the loving, kind and understanding person you want me to be. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

And for those who have been divorced …

“Dear God, it saddens me to know that my marriage has failed and where I have failed, please forgive me. Help me to see what I contributed to my marriage breakup. Please lead me to the help I need to heal my broken heart and to overcome my character defects and weaknesses so I can become a healthier person. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Bitter behavior is so common and deeply destructive that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder.

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You know them. I know them. And, increasingly, psychiatrists know them. People who feel they have been wronged by someone and are so bitter they can barely function other than to ruminate about their circumstances.

This behavior is so common -- and so deeply destructive -- that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder. The behavior was discussed before an enthusiastic audience last week at a meeting of the American Psychiatric Assn. in San Francisco.

The disorder is modeled after post-traumatic stress disorder because it too is a response to a trauma that endures. People with PTSD are left fearful and anxious. Embittered people are left seething for revenge.

“They feel the world has treated them unfairly. It’s one step more complex than anger. They’re angry plus helpless,” says Dr. Michael Linden, a German psychiatrist who named the behavior.

Embittered people are typically good people who have worked hard at something important, such as a job, relationship or activity, Linden says. When something unexpectedly awful happens -- they don’t get the promotion, their spouse files for divorce or they fail to make the Olympic team -- a profound sense of injustice overtakes them. Instead of dealing with the loss with the help of family and friends, they cannot let go of the feeling of being victimized. Almost immediately after the traumatic event, they become angry, pessimistic, aggressive, hopeless haters.

“Embitterment is a violation of basic beliefs,” Linden says. “It causes a very severe emotional reaction.... We are always coping with negative life events. It’s the reaction that varies.”

There are only a handful of studies on the condition, but psychiatrists at the meeting agreed that much more research is needed on identifying and helping these people. One estimate is that 1% to 2% of the population is embittered, says Linden, who has published several studies on the condition.

“These people usually don’t come to treatment because ‘the world has to change, not me,’” Linden says. “They are almost treatment resistant.... Revenge is not a treatment.”

Nevertheless, Linden suggests that people once known as loving, normal individuals who suddenly snap and kill their family and themselves may have post-traumatic embitterment syndrome. That’s reason enough for researchers to study how to treat the destructive emotion of bitterness.

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Copyright 2009 Los Angeles Times

Out of the history of Napoleonic France, Leonard Griffith has given us a moving story of a political prisoner by the name of Charnet. Charnet was thrown into prison simply because he had accidentally, by a remark, offended the emperor Napoleon. Cast into a dungeon cell, presumably left to die, as the days and weeks and months passed by, Charnet became embittered at his fate. Slowly but surely he began to lose his faith in God. And one day, in a moment of rebellious anger, he scratched on the wall of his cell, “All things come by chance,” which reflected the injustice that had come his way by chance. He sat in the darkness of that cell growing more bitter by the day.

There was one spot in the cell where a single ray of sunlight came every day and remained for a little while. And one morning, to his absolute amazement, he noticed that in the hard, earthen floor of that cell a tiny, green blade was breaking through. It was something living, struggling up toward that shaft of sunlight. It was his only living companion, and his heart went out in joy toward it. He nurtured it with his tiny ration of water, cultivated it, and encouraged its growth. That green blade became his friend. It became his teacher in a sense, and finally it burst through until one day there bloomed from the little plant a beautiful, purple and white flower. Once again Charnet found himself thinking thoughts about God. He scratched off the thing he had scribbled on the wall of his dungeon and in its place wrote, “He who made all things is God.”

Somehow through the guards and their wives and the gossip of the community, this little story reached the ears of Josephine, Napoleon’s wife. She was so moved by it and so convinced that a man who loved a flower that way could not possibly be a dangerous criminal that she persuaded Napoleon to release him. So Charnet was set free. You can be sure that he dug out his precious little prison flower and took it with him and cultivated that plant in the years to come. He also pondered in his heart a verse that he put on the little flowerpot holding the plant. What would that verse be? “If God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?” (Matthew 6:30)

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David A. Seamands, “Instruction for Thanksgiving,” Preaching Today, Tape No. 62.

The writer of Hebrews said, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Not long ago, I was reminded of this power.

Preachers are called to communicate God’s Word and when they do so, they have a promise of His power to work in it and through it. When a preacher stands behind the pulpit, let the goal be to say what God has said. This truth should prod preachers to preach with passion and sobriety.

Part of the power of His Word is that it continues working years after it has been preached. God’s Word does not return void, though the results are sometimes delayed.

For me, the reminder came in an unlikely context and from an unlikely person -- an agnostic dying of cancer -- reminding me to never falter in the pulpit.

I was uncertain what I would find behind the front door of the house as I stood knocking. As a hospice chaplain, I had been summoned to visit a 78-year-old woman who had little hope of survival from pancreatic cancer. Her husband directed me to the room where she was reclining, in agonizing pain.

She was a Unitarian and had only married the year before. She had been single her entire life and had been looking forward to several years with her new husband. She was highly educated, having retired from an Ivy League university as a tenured professor of psychology. Though she had considered being a nun in her teens, she turned from her faith and never looked back -- until now. She was angry, bitter and questioning why after being single her entire life she was now dying after a year of marriage. Although she had refused to see hospice counselors, she requested to speak with a chaplain.

She instructed me to close the door and sit in front of her. I immediately had the impression she wanted privacy, perhaps from a sense of embarrassment about the conversation we would exchange.

I began making small talk, asking questions about her life and background to complete the required hospice evaluation from details of our conversation. Demonstrating her domineering spirit, she turned the tables on me and began peppering me with questions. She probed my beliefs and doctrine. She recoiled at the thought of belief in heaven, hell and the divinity of Christ, having drunk deeply from the wells of rationalism and pluralism.

We had been talking at length when she suddenly paused. She lurched forward in her chair and said, “I want to ask you something.” I knew immediately this was the reason I was sitting in her room. She was about to get to the point, her point. In a low and somber voice, she intoned, “I had a dream the other night. In the dream I heard a voice saying to me, ‘Touch the hem of his garment.’ What do you think it means?”

She was unaware of the origin or meaning of the phrase. The Holy Spirit used a fragment of biblical truth that had lain dormant within her for decades. Only God knows the preacher or Bible study leader who planted this seed in her young mind -- long before she abandoned her faith.

I momentarily froze in stunned silence. God was displaying His grace by reminding her of His Word she had learned as a child. She didn’t even remember where the phrase came from, but a merciful heavenly Father was using His Word to awaken her conscience to the truth, giving her one last opportunity to experience grace through Jesus Christ. I seized the moment and explained to her where the phrase came from in the New Testament and I pressed upon her that God was calling her to reach out for His mercy and grace. She listened politely to my words and abruptly concluded the visit. I prayed with her and left. She never requested another visit.

She died a few weeks later. I have never forgotten her or the lesson she taught me about preaching. I don’t know if she put her faith in Christ before death came. However, I do know that He was working in her heart and reminded her of His Word.

As a preacher, I desire immediate results. I want to see lives changed when I preach. However, the Word I preach will bear fruit in the lives of the hearers even if it is 50, 60 or 70 years from the time it is delivered.

In a world of massive moral shifts and devastating human turmoil, a preacher cannot do more than trust in the power of God’s Word. The prophet Jeremiah declared, “‘Is not My word like fire’ -- this is the Lord’s declaration -- ‘and like a hammer that pulverizes rock?’” (Jeremiah 23:29). Let every preacher take heart. When poor souls stand on the verge of chilly Jordan, they may very well be meditating on the Word of God which you preached in their hearing decades before.