07. Part 1, Chapter 4. Private and Family Prayer
CHAPTER IV. OF PRIVATE, OR FAMILY PRAYER.
Having spoken of the first branch of continued prayer, even public prayer, we must now speak of private, or family prayer, required also implicitly in this injunction, “pray without ceasing;” respecting the families in the church of Thessalonica, as well as the whole church collectively considered. Family prayer is either extraordinary or ordinary, both are duties in their seasons. Of extraordinary family prayer, such as to which fasting is joined, is that 1 Corinthians 7:5, “That ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer,” namely, considered as members of the family privately, as of the church publicly, whether upon occasion of removal, which may and must be done by one family alone, sometimes as well as by many families joining together at other times, Ezra 8:25, “That we may seek a right way for us, and our little ones,” etc. upon occasion also of public loss of some pious rulers as those of the Jews did for Josias, 2 Chronicles 34:24-26, unto which allusion is made, Zechariah 12:11. Occasional private prayer is when divers godly acquaintance of sundry families meet in some one family to pray and to edify one another unto which such places look, Malachi 3:16. Jude 1:20. Colossians 4:12. James 5:13-16, of which I might declare the manifold precious uses and benefits, but I forbear; that which we intend chiefly to speak to, as our duty implicitly here enjoined, is not that which is prayer in the family, but that which is properly economical, or prayer of the Christian family. “Pray with all manner of prayer,” reaches also this manner of prayer by the family. Christian families are or should be churches, wherein the master of the family should offer up acceptable prayers and praises to God. Paul, writing to Philemon in his Epistle, mentions not his prayer alone, but others with him, “I trust through your prayers I shall be given to you,” he mentions the church in his house. Cornelius is commended for his prayer alway, or upon all occasions. He prayed to God alway, namely, as in his house alone, so with his family; hence such care had, that the prayers of man and wife be not hindered, meaning their joint prayers together in the family, as well as those severally made in their closets: “Pour out thy wrath upon the families which call not on thy Name.” Which notion of families comprehends households, as Joshua 7:14. “The families shall come by households,” and a sad curse, then, is upon the households which are not conscionable of this duty of household or family prayer. God would have the “houses of his people dedicated,” Dent. 20:5, namely, to holy uses, and this of household prayers especially; and Psalms 30:1-12 :title, David therefore mentions the dedication of his house; hence such care also in the godly Patriarchs in the removals of themselves and household, still to be building altars to call upon God; so Abraham, Genesis 12:8; Genesis 13:18. And thus did Isaac, Genesis 26:25. Thus did Jacob, Genesis 33:20; Genesis 35:1. “God charges Jacob to go up to Bethel, and there make an altar to him, and Jacob applies the charge to his household, saying, “let us arise and go up to Bethel ;“ and as a godly man, Jacob must pray alone, and did, Genesis 32:25-28, with Hosea 12:3-4, he made supplication; but considered as a master of a family, it is not enough to send away his household over Jabbock, and make supplication alone; but he must pray, and offer up sacrifice with his family; yea, in that sense Jacob rightly expounds the charge of God, bidding him to arise, and go up to Bethel, to refer to his household too, “let us go up to Bethel,” Genesis 35:1; Genesis 35:3, compared; his whole household, wives, children, sojourners, servants, all must go up to Bethel, and join in the worship; none must be absent. Reasons enforcing this duty:—
1. Because God promised actual respects, and acceptance of his people’s prayers indefinitely, are extendable to his people’s prayers with the family, as well as congregation, or those in their closets. While they speak there also he will hear. His ears are open to their cries. Cornelius’s prayers then also came up in remembrance before God. Paul is given to the prayers of Philemon and his household church.
2. Because the Lord pours out a spirit of grace and supplication to be exercised with the several households in their tribes, as well as alone by the husbands and wives apart: “They shall mourn (in their prayers which with contrite hearts they pour out) the families apart, and their wives apart,” whether in an extraordinary way of prayer with fasting, or in an ordinary.
3. Because family occasions being also sanctified by prayer call for it; as Saul with his military family would first seek God for good success. So should the guides of other families before their families set about their occasions. Out of fear Job would sanctify his family day by day, when to go abroad a feasting, “He sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, it may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus did Job continually.
4. Because family prayer is a special means to season the family with a religious fear and respect to God and his ways. Cornelius, a devout man, and one that feared God with all his house, prayed to God alway. Godly Onesiphorus’ house is a very seminary to the church. He who is so much exercised this way, bath a church in his house as before showed. A godly praying Abraham, the master, will come to have a gracious praying Eliazar, the servant, who is the fittest for choicest service.
5. Family prayer is a special means to prevent family disorders, and to keep every one in his station and duty. When the apostle had enjoined husband, wife, father, child, master, and servants, the several parts of the family their general duties, he closes all with this, as an help and means to all the first, “Continue in prayer.” When each one in the family hears their several sins confessed, pardon thereof begged, grace against them pleaded for, it is a quickening admonition and help against them. It helps to wean their hearts from inordinacies in matter of cares, fears, or desires, and the like, respecting worldly matters or occasions: “Let your moderation appear to all men. Be careful for nothing.” But what means should we use for that end? In every thing by prayer, make your request known to God. The peace of God shall keep your hearts and minds. These are sacred fruits of prayer in the family, as well as congregation or closet.
6. Because servants usually want frequent opportunities of secret prayer, and this way, by the advantage of family prayer, they are much helped.
7. Because Christ himself is a pattern herein, of whom as we read, that he was oft exercised in secret prayer alone; so twice it is recorded of him as thus praying with his family privately, or with his disciples which ordinarily abode with him: “As he was alone in a certain place praying, when he had done, one of his disciples said to him, Lord, teach us to pray.” It is a sign that his disciples were with him then in private at his prayer; and that his praying in such sort was a lively means to do them more good, and to quicken and enamor them with holy desires to pray in like sort. Now let us proceed to consider some questions touching this.
Question. Who must pray in the family?
Answer. The master of the family especially. Husbands must dwell with their wives as men of knowledge, that their prayers be not hindered by any defects of theirs in the business of praying with them. The apostle, writing to masters of their duty adds, in the next place, (as next concerning them as heads of the family,) continue in prayer. Only Cornelius, of all the house who feared God, is mentioned as praying always. If the rest feared God, surely they prayed oft alone. But in the family Cornelius himself was more constantly employed as the mouth of the rest. For indeed every gracious master of a family is an holy priest to God, not as a gracious man only to offer for himself, but as a gracious master also in relation to his family, to offer up sacrifice of prayer and praise on their behalf. And the priests of old, as masters of families, had their offerings for themselves and families, as well as officers to the church, had their offerings for the congregation.
2. Prayer, being one special part of God’s service and worship, a godly master undertakes for himself and household to attend it: “But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord;” namely, jointly as well as severally, and so to pray together as well as asunder. And if the master be the chief undertaker, it is fit he should be the chief actor.
3. Masters of families ought to teach their children diligently the word and precepts of God, and speak of them in their house when they lie down, and when they rise up, namely, the first that they do daily at morning, and the last thing at evening. Now if it be so in instructing their family, then so also in praying for a blessing on them. Yea, practically they will instruct them in obedience to the first and fifth commandments, when they give such good examples to their families of praying to the Lord with them and for them. Abraham had both ways instructed his family, Genesis 18:19, and so had Christ and John their respective families, [disciples.] Teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples, practically as well as doctrinally. But must not the wife in some cases pray with the family?
Yes, in case of absence or sickness of her husband, for she is to be a help-meet Genesis 2:18; namely, in all such communicable duties and services respecting the family: “So is the law of kindness to be in the good wife’s mouth, to instruct them as occasion is offered.” In which, as in sundry other respects, her husband must trust to her. If God call him from home, he has a gracious wife to whom he can safely leave the trust of his family for matters of religion, such as family worship of God is, as well as those of this life. Godly matrons should really make conscience of that which the others hypocritically pretend. The godly wife will look well to the ways of her household, that they be well exercised this way, as well as any other way. The wife is compared to the moon, the husband to the sun, so Jacob and his family are represented. Now the wife, then, as the moon, may and must chiefly give forth her spiritual light and influence in the family, in the absence of her husband, who is as the sun thereto.
2. In case of the unregeneracy, and spiritual in- abilities of the husband, she is to supply his defects. May not a godly servant perform this duty of prayer? Yes, in case of the absence or sickness of both the family guides. A godly Onesimus may this way, amongst many others, be profitable to his master, and in case of special praying abilities given such an one, and denied the guides of the family. In this respect, also, such a servant may be owned and improved as a brother. This way also God may, and often does make such of his saints a blessing to the places and houses where they are. May not one not of the family be occasionally desired to pray in it?
Yes, every one’s spiritual gift being given of God with respect to others’ good as well as their own, and members being to lend help to the rest, as occasion is offered; yea, as Paul’s and Cephas’, and Apollo’s gifts arc the saints to improve occasionally, so are other gifts likewise: “Many were met together praying,” Acts 12:12. Now one and then another of other families prayed by course in Mark’s mother’s family. Only as the church in that case intimates her case to those she would have seek the Lord for her, Song of Solomon 5:8-10, some hints would be given to such, of some special things respecting the family, which they should in prayer with them commend to the Lord. Who must be present at family prayer with the master thereof praying?
All the whole family must join with the master of it, as wife, children, servants, sojourners; none should ordinarily be absent. All Jacob’s household were to join with him and set themselves to worship God with him in Bethel, only he is principally to act therein: “Arise, let us go up to Bethel, and there I will build an altar to the Lord,” etc.
Reasons hereof: 1. From the care of all, and each of their souls which lies upon the masters of the family. It was typed of this that they were to provide manna for all their households according to their eating, and they were to provide a lamb for their household according to their eating. So the priests as masters of their families, were to offer up sacrifice, as for themselves, so for the cleansing of their household sins. David as a king prays with, and for his people first, that the Lord would bless them, but as a guide of his own household, his care is to return thither to bless them, 2 Samuel 6:20, or pray for a blessing upon them, verse 20. And hence by the blessing of God on such godly care of guides of families, as well as on other means, families have become churches, Romans 16:4-5. The second reason is taken from the proportion of ordinary private worship, and seeking of God in an ordinary way, to that of seeking the Lord in an extraordinary way. Many causes might exempt sundry of the family in this case rather than the other. Yet in such a case Esther will have all the maids to fast and pray with her. The whole families apart do also in an extraordinary manner humble themselves thus before the Lord. The third reason from the proportion of our private worship, and seeking of the Lord in a private manner to that of seeking God in public with our families. All and every one as far as any way capable, are therein to be present, as Deuteronomy 12:7, Deuteronomy 14:26. Deuteronomy 16:11, and other Scriptures show, and there also herein. The fourth reason, because the whole family do or may share in the blessings upon the family; and, therefore, it is meet they should join in family prayer and praises for them. Both children, servants, and sojourners were thankfully to rejoice before the Lord upon this ground, because God blessed his people’s increase, and the labors of their hands. The fifth reason, because the whole household is something involved in the guilt of the sin of the guides, who thereby trouble their houses, as Achan did his. It is meet, therefore, that all of them should partake in the good gifts and services of their guides, and with them seek to divert the evils which may else bring judgment on the family.
Suppose some of the servants be ungodly, must a godly guide pray with them?
Care would be had that we look out the most faithful to dwell with us.
If others be cast upon us, yet we are to join with them at this family worship, because they are not to be denied the help of any appointed means which may further their spiritual good, as in public so in private; we may, and must pray with, and for all sorts, who have not sinned a sin unto death, as one means of their being saved. A sinner may thereby be turned from the error of his way. Only prayer with such would be shaped in many particulars, so as their particular cases may be laid open before the Lord.
Suppose some one of the family be more obstinate, and either refuse to join with the family; or if present, does occasion usually wrath and disturbance there,
1. That rule, 1 Thessalonians 6:14, respects all in either relation, and so masters in theirs, to admonish the unruly, and when they have done, to have patience towards all sorts; as ministers in their places towards their people, are in meekness to instruct them that oppose themselves, if peradventure God may give them repentance. So are masters in their lesser assemblies; Christ the master of his household, as he calls himself, did not refuse to pray with them, though Judas was amongst his household disciples, and he knew him to be a devil.
2. The help of the magistrate is seasonably to be used, if patience in the use of fairer means avail not, “For he is a terror to evil-doers,” Romans 13:4.
3. If neither means work amendment, such as make deceit their work and trade in lying, ever and anon telling lies, notwithstanding all means used to reclaim them, should not abide in any godly David’s house. The bond-servant’s child, who will be scoffing at the promised seed, and persecuting him, must out with his mother, and all from Abraham’s family.
What is to be done in case of occasional scattering of the family, as when many of Jacob’s family are occasioned to be in Dothan, divers miles distant from the rest of the household; or that Moses must be in Egypt, and his family in Midian? In answer hereunto, let us show some cases wherein it may be lawful for the guides of the family to be absent from the whole or part of the family for a season. Let us annex some cutios about it. To the rest, I answer, such absence may be lawful.
1. When it is occasioned by zealous attendance on the means of grace which they want where they are, as when those of the tribes are fain to travel far to the worship of God at Jerusalem. Divers there were for divers days absent from their families attending upon Christ’s ministry, and not reproved for it, but encouraged to it, as appears by the miraculous provisions made for them.
2. When it is occasioned from the persecution by the enemies of grace; as those priests and Levites were forced to fly from Jeroboam’s to Rehoboam’s jurisdiction, there to provide for their families, which shortly after followed them with other people.
3. When it is occasioned from personal callings and offices to be exercised in places distant from part of their families, at least as those Levites and priests, leaving their suburbs, and part of their families, with their flocks in their fields. So Moses for a time disposed of his wife and children to be in Midian with her sons, whilst he more fully attends his work in Egypt, in which case seafaring men of Zabulon, merchants and mariners, are encouraged by the Lord to rejoice in their goings out, Deuteronomy 33:18. So military men, albeit they bad dedicated their houses to holy services; yea, the rather because they had done it, they must go out to the wars, Deuteronomy 2:1-5.
4. When it is occasioned from necessary travel and journeying, as in that parable of the nobleman journeying far off, and leaving matters to his servants. So Jacob’s sons go into Egypt once and again from their wives and their children to buy corn. So upon more weighty occasions of public messages from States, or of changes, as Epaphroditus, teacher at Philippi, yet sent to Rome to minister to Paul’s necessities. The cautions are two: First, That all wise and lawful means be used for a seasonable compacting of the family in such sort, that neither they nor we live too solitary, lest that befall us which did Lot and his daughters in the mountain.
Second. Let us appoint some godly servants or sons over that part of the family where neither of the guides can be usually present. When is family prayer to be performed?
Morning and evening, as of old they had their daily sacrifice respecting the household morning and evening, Numbers 28:8; Numbers 28:4, the two special seasons of household instruction, fittest to be so sanctified and honored, Deuteronomy 6:4. The widows which show their piety at home in prayers, there also, as well as otherwise, are to do it night and day. Should not family prayer be first performed in the morning, as much as in us lies, before any other thing be done?
Yes, when we rise up it is best doing it. For, first, it is meet that God, and not ourselves, or others should have the first of our daily time, and the first fruits of the services of our souls and bodies daily, which are preserved and daily laden with his blessings by him. The first day of the week is now his day and the first of each day should be, as much as may be, devoted in this sense to him. And if it cannot be so soon in the family, yet let them have it in the closet. David would not put off God till noon, as too many of us do, and make no morning of it, for prayer in family as well as closet, “But at morning and evening, and at noon be will be praying and praising God.”
2. That at our uprising the family is unscattered, which haply severed, is not easily gathered in any season.
3. Then if at all, before heads and hearts are actually busied in outward occasions and employments, are minds and hearts fittest for God.
4. It is most seasonable, sanctifying, and begging thereby of a blessing upon the day’s occasions, before we have begun to meddle with them.
5. In the interim of some few hours’ space, wherein morning family prayer is deferred, some sad disasters may befall some of the family, which then must needs be the more grievous. Job fearing this, through some miscarriages of his children at their festivals, sends for them each day, and, as it is, day by day sanctified them.
Let us now wind up all in a word of exhortation to an earnest performance of this duty, and the rather, —
1. In that the Lord hath honored family prayer also as well as other prayer,, with special respect; as to those of Cornelius’s prayers with his household, as well as to those in his house alone, whence he and his, got more clear knowledge of Jesus Christ, as that promised Messiah, in whom they more confusedly believed before. Besides the gift of the Holy Ghost, which they also attained, as the sequel in the chapter shows.
2. Even family prayer hastens ruin upon the church’s enemies bent to destroy them. When God will seek to destroy nations which will come up against Jerusalem, there is a mighty spirit of prayer shining in good families. He then pours out upon the inhabitants of Jerusalem such a spirit of grace and supplication, as that they are mourning in prayer before him, both privately and secretly; families apart, and wives, godly persons apart.
3. Family prayer is a very good means to clear even the house from any secret curse, which as a leprosy by reason of sin, may take hold, as it were, of the very timber and walls thereof. Let us hereby dedicate the house to God; but in the practice hereof, observe these things :—
1. Look that the household be beforehand cleansed of any known and grosser evils, which may lie upon it, or any in it; as upon Jacob’s. Household gods must be put away before he go up to Bethel with them, there to worship the Lord.
2. Let the guides of the family, as the husband and wife, look to it, that their mutual carriage be amiable and regular, that so the family prayers be not hindered.
3. Let there be some little space of withdrawing from other words or works before we set about the duty; with one breath, to be speaking carnally; or to be but then talking of a very swine, and forthwith, without any more ado, rudely and unprepared to begin so solemn a speech to the great God, is very unseemly and irreverent.