66 Sermon Illustrations on Excuses

Sermon series on Proverbs: The Sluggard.

1. Sluggard is a comic, tragic figure.

2. Problems of a sluggard:

a. Won't begin things.

b. Won't finish things.

c. Won't face things.

3. Results:

a. Restless.

b. Helpless.

c. Useless.

4. Alternative - be a winner.

The day after Mrs. Zelkin’s funeral, the rabbi dropped into console the widower. To his astonishment he saw the bereaved on the sofa kissing a dazzling redhead.

“Zelkin!” roared the rabbi. “Your beloved wife is not even cold in her grave, and already you’re… “

Mr. Zelkin cried, “In my grief, should I know what I’m doing?”

In order to make it possible for everyone to attend church next week we are planning a special no-excuse Sunday.

1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, "Sunday is my only

day for sleeping in".

2. Eye drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from watching TV

too late on Saturday night.

3. We will have steel helmets for those who believe the roof will cave in if

they how up for church services.

4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is too

cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say the church is too hot.

5. We will have hearing aids for the parishioners who say, "The pastor doesn't

talk loud enough." There will be cotton for those who say, "The pastor

talks too loud."

6. Score cards will be available for those who wish to count the hypocrites.

7. We guarantee that some relatives will be present for those who like to go

visiting on Sunday.

8. There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can't go to

church and cook dinner, too.

9. One section of the church will have some trees and grass for those who see

God in nature, especially on the golf course.

10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter

lilies to create a familiar environment for those who have never seen

church without them.

See you in church!

#1466

*

John Leo writes in U.S. News and World Report:

"We are deep into the era of the abuse excuse. The doctrine of victimology -

claiming victim status means you are not responsible for your actions - is

beginning to warp the legal system.... Juries have traditionally been very

open-minded about whether a defendant committed an alleged crime, but very

tough on excuses. Now the trial revolves around excuses. Traditionally,

defense lawyers tried to create doubts. Now they just put the actual victim

on trial. The irony of this seems to escape victimologists. A movement that

began with the slogan, 'Don't blame the victim,' now strives to blame murder

victims for their own deaths."

#3309

*

In his book with Ken Blanchard, EVERYONE'S A COACH, Don Shula tells of losing his temper near an open microphone during a televised game with the Los Angeles Rams. Millions of viewers were surprised and shocked by Shula's explicit profanity. Letters soon arrived from all over the country, voicing the disappointment of many who had respected the coach for his integrity.

Shula could have given excuses, but he didn't. Everyone who included a return address received a personal apology. He closed each letter by stating, “I value your respect and will do my best to earn it again.”

There are two ways to gain respect. One is to act nobly. The other is, when you fail to do so, to make no excuses.

If you're like me, when you heard the news reports about the outrageous comments made by John Rocker, the pitcher for baseball's Atlanta Braves, you probably thought he should have his head examined. Well, little did you know that baseball officials Would take that suggestion literally.

During an interview with Sports Illustrated, Rocker openly insulted New York, Asian women, and immigrants, among others. His comments were so inflammatory and received so much attention that Major League Baseball had to act, so it ordered that he receive psychiatric evaluation.

Send him to a psychiatrist? Well, here we go again.

Sending Rocker to a shrink continues the trend that gave us the "abuse excuse" and the "Twinkie defense." What it boils down to is that something is responsible for people's bad actions - anything except the person who committed the act. People aren't responsible for the bad things they do - they come from dysfunctional families, or sucked their thumbs too long. It's today's psychobabble.

This case is an example of what psychiatrist Walter Reich of George Washington University calls "the transformation of bad into mad." Writing for Slate internet magazine, Reich describes it as the "inclination to see bad behavior in pathological rather than moral terms."

The problem is that in this modern age we've embraced a false worldview. We've jettisoned the doctrine of original sin and fallen for the lie that people are basically good. In truth, the only disorder responsible for bad behavior is the one we call sin. People don't do bad things because they're sick -- they do them because they are sinners.

If Baseball determines that Rocker's comments merit action, they should take it precisely because he was responsible for his words and his words bring disrepute to baseball and set a bad example for others.

But Major League Baseball will have some explaining to do if it does act. We would all have to ask why John Rocker is held to a higher standard than his boss, Ted Turner -- the Braves' owner. Remember, just last year Ted Turner made yet another of his highly inflammatory comments about a particular group. Not immigrants or any ethnic minority. No, Ted's target was Christians.

To hear Turner tell it, Christianity is irrational, and Christians are all "dummies." Not only that, but Turner has ridiculed the Pope, and made any number of other false characterizations of the Christian faith.

Mind you, I don't wish Mr. Turner any ill. Right now, he's going through a difficult separation from his wife, Jane Fonda -- who, if press reports can be believed, has become a born-again Christian. I might add that this astounding but wonderful news doesn't surprise me. Some years ago, Jane's then-husband, Tom Hayden, told me she was on a spiritual search and asked me to give her a copy of my book, Born Again, which I did.

So, as for the Rocker controversy, what's fair for the pitcher is fair for the owner -- let's see them held to the same standard. And that works in both directions, by the way. These men do not need therapy -- they need to face up to their responsibility. And that would not only be good for baseball, it'll be good for their souls.

___________________

Copyright (c) 2000 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

*

Reasons I Stopped Attending Football Games

1. Every time I went, they asked me for money.

2. The people sitting next to me didn't seem very friendly.

3. The seats were too hard.

4. The coach never came to call on me.

5. The referee made a decision I disagreed with.

6. I was sitting with hypocrites - they came only to see what others were

wearing.

7. Some of the games went into overtime and I was late getting home.

8. The band played songs I didn't like.

9. The games were scheduled when I wanted to do other things.

10. My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

11. Since I read a book about football, I know more than the coaches, anyhow.

12. I don't want to take my children, because I want them to choose for

themselves what sport they like best.

(Teresa’s Jokers)

*

Charles Spurgeon once said that as Christians we should become addicted to prayer.

We know how important it is to pray. We also are excellent at finding excuses why we don't have the time. Primarily, our lives are structured around the things we consider important. When God is important enough to us, the end result will be prayer. The decision to pray is the battle. Once that decision has been made, most of the battle is over.

Common excuses to put off prayer:

* I'm too tired. Being tired is really common. You can still

spend time in prayer despite your weariness. If you allow

weariness to keep you from prayer, you will always be kept

from prayer because fatigue is part of this fast-paced life.

* Give God the best time of the day. Choose the time of day

when you can be the most effective. David would often pray at

night (Ps. 63:6); Abraham got up early to pray (Gen. 19:27);

religious Jews liked to pray at the ninth hour - which was

3:00 p.m. (Acts 3:1); and Daniel prayed at three different

times each day: morning, noon, and night (Dan. 6:10).

* Pray audibly. Praying out loud helps you stay focused.

* Pace. If you get drowsy while praying, get up and move

around. Pacing is deliberate walking to help you concentrate

on God.

* If you've ever fallen asleep in prayer - simply pray when you

wake up.

* I'm too busy. You need to develop an attitude about time that

is similar to the one you have about money. The more time you

give God, the more time you have from God. Following the

principle of sowing and reaping, God will give back what you

give to Him, then He increases it. Most people are busy, but

not too busy to pray.

* I'm too dry. You might not feel like praying. If you waited

until you felt like praying you would pray very little. Jesus

told his disciples that they should always pray and not give

up (Luke 18:1). Should is an act of the will. Simply make

yourself do it. It's a spiritual discipline. Certainly you

should pray every time you feel led to pray, but for the most

part, you lead yourself to prayer.

* I'm too lazy This is not something you'd like to admit.

Prayer itself is not difficult. You will never run out of

things to pray for. The biggest obstacle is making the

decision to pray. Once you are in the place of prayer, it's

not that difficult to pray. The struggle is getting yourself

in that position. Getting up out of the easy chair or out of

that warm bed in the morning, turning off the TV or radio,

and putting yourself in a position to pray is where most of

the battle lies.

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have

the habit of making excuses."

- George Washington Carver

- _Instant Quotation Dictionary_, p. 127.

“I never go to church,” boasted a wandering member. “Perhaps you have noticed that, pastor?” “Yes, I have noticed that,” said the pastor. “Well, the reason I don't go is because there are so many hypocrites there.” “Oh, don't let that keep you away,” replied the pastor with a smile. “There's always room for one more.”

- Unknown

Football in the fall. Basketball in the winter. Baseball in the spring and summer. This pastor has been an avid sports fan all his life. But I've had it! I quit this sports business once and for all. You can't get me near one of those places again. Want to know why... Every time I went, they asked me for money. The people with whom I had to sit didn't seem very friendly. The seats were too hard and not at all comfortable. I went to many games, but the coach never came to call on me. The referee made a decision with which I could not agree. I suspected that I was sitting with some hypocrites -- they came to see their friends and what others were wearing rather than to see the game. Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home. The band played some numbers that I had never heard before. It seems that the games are scheduled when I want to do other things. I was taken to too many games by my parents when I was growing up. I don't want to take my children to any games, because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.

- Author Unknown, At Calvary, Covington, KY

=============================================

Another version from the Abe Kudra Collection:

The reasons why I’m giving up sports: football in the fall, baseball in the summer, basketball in the winter. I’ve had it all. I quit attending sports once and for all, and here are my 11 excuses:

1. Every time I went, they asked for money.

2. The people I sat next to didn’t seem friendly.

3. The seats were too hard and not comfortable at all.

4. I went to many games but the coach never came to call on me.

5. The referees made decisions that I couldn’t agree with.

6. The game went into overtime and I was late getting home.

7. The band played numbers I’d never heard before and it wasn’t my style of music.

8. It seems the games are always scheduled when I want to do other things.

9. I suspect that I was sitting next to some hypocrites. They came to see their friends and they talked during the whole game.

10. I was taken to too many games by my parents when I was growing up.

11. I hate to wait in the traffic jam in the parking lot after the game.

*

The wife of a man who had left the church and joined a fraternal

order was asked why he was no longer a church member. She replied:

"Well, sir, they never gave my husband anything to do at the church,

but as soon as he joined the lodge they put a helmet on his head and a

sword in his hand, and made him keeper of the royal and ancient arch,

and he is there every night." --H. A. Proctor

A minister conversed with a man who professed conversion. "Have you

united with the church?" he asked him. "No the dying thief never

united with the church and he went to heaven," was the answer, "Have

you talked to your neighbors about Christ?" "No, the dying thief never

did." "Have you given to missions?" "No, the dying thief did not."

"Well, my friend," said the minister, "the difference between you two

seems to be that he was a dying thief, and you are a living one."

--Otterbein Teacher

My Source:

THE INFORMER

Volume 52, #49, 9//26/99

Author: Ben Vick

File Under: Attendance

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

BECAUSE

by Ben Vick

"BECAUSE" is a conjunction that means: (1) for the reason that; since; (2) the fact that; that. It is also used as a preposition to mean by reason of or on account of. Whether the word is used in a sentence as a conjunction or as a preposition, it tells the reader that something is to follow, usually an explanation or reason for a certain thing or action. But perhaps we have all heard it used when what follows the "BECAUSE" was nothing. The listener has had then to fill in the blanks, guessing at the excuse or the reason. A small boy was asked by his father why he had disobeyed his parents. The child's response was, "BECAUSE why?" The boy answered, "Just BECAUSE." Such might lead to a spanking just on the principle of "BECAUSE."

We have heard it said that when someone was asked by she did not go to Bible classes and worship with her children, the response was, "BECAUSE." It has been the experience of many preachers and elders to hear all sorts of excuses as to why people do not attend services. The usual ones are:

"I don't have time,"

"I work late,"

"Company came over just as we were leaving

for services,"

"I had a headache,"

"My dog got sick."

On and on we could go. There are about as many varied excuses as there are faces in a crowd.

When people begin to make excuses about why they are not attending Bible classes and worship services, it would be good for us to try to help them remove their excuses. O.T. Starling, my wife's grandfather, on a Saturday was trying to get a man to go to church services the next day. The man used the excuse that he could not go BECAUSE he was trying to remove a tree stump and would probably have to work on Sunday to get it removed. Brother Starling, who was in his eighties at the time, without a word in response to the man, went home, got his tools and proceeded to remove the stump. The man was at church the next day. We know there are times when the ox falls into the ditch, but there is no need to push him into the ditch nor for his falling into the ditch every week. Regardless, let us help our brothers and sisters in Christ to remove the ox from the ditch if we can.

But the excuse, "BECAUSE," is difficult, if not impossible, to answer. I suppose that it is just as good an excuse as any of the others that I have heard down through the years; for after all, one excuse is just as good as another, since all excuses are nothing more than dressed-up lies. One who does not attend Bible classes or worship services, "JUST BECAUSE," evidently, recognizes that the does not have a good excuse; so he, basically, is saying, "I do not know why I am not attending the services of the church."

Let those who use the excuse, "BECAUSE," for not attending church, turn temselves around and look with us at some divine "BECAUSES" for being faithful to the services of the church.

BECAUSE of God's love for us, we should faithfully attend the services of the church. Loyal service to him is nothing in comparison to what he has done for us. John wrote, "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us" (1 John 4:9-10, 1 John 4:19). We often sing...

Why did He drink the bitter cup of sorrow, pain, and woe?

Why on the cross be lifted up?

BECAUSE He loved me so!

What have we done in comparison to His sacrifice? All the time, energy, and talents placed upon the altar of sacrifice for Jesus is nothing in view of what He has done for us (2 Corinthians 8:9).

BECAUSE of the brevity and wickedness of this world, we should use our time wisely. Paul said, "Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is" (Ephesians 5:15-16). We should buy up the opportunities to learn the will of the Lord. What better place to do so than in Bible classes each Sunday morning and Wednesday night?

BECAUSE the old devil is on the prowl, we should attend the services of the church. Peter wrote, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). We need to be sober, i.e., calm and collected in spirit, and "vigilant," i.e., give strict attention to or be cautious, because the devil is out there, seeking to devour us. What better way to be prepared to meet our adversary than to fill our hearts with the word of God (Psalms 119:11; Matthew 4:1-11; 1 John 2:1)?

Most "BECAUSES" people use for not attending church services are just excuses; but in the case of some, they are standing with the church at Ephesus. jesus gives the real reason why some were not what the should have been when He said, "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love" (Revelation 2:4). If your "BECAUSE" is followed by the explanation of having left your first love, then we urge you to remember from where you have fallen, repent, and do the first works (Revelation 2:5). Do this today before it is toolate. Remove the "BECAUSE" and attend the services of the Lord's church.

Ten Best Excuses when you are caught napping...

-------

10. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”

9. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.”

8. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!”

7. “I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”

6. “I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”

5. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

3. “The coffee machine is broken...”

2. “Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot...”

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. “...in Jesus' name. Amen.”

*

A Christian once visited a farmer to talk to him about Christ. "I wouldn't come to church up there." the farmer said. "I know old so and so church goer who claims to be a Christian and So and So who attends church there who claims to be a Christian and they don't live any differently from me. I'm as good as they are."

Everywhere the farmer went he told about the hypocrites in that Church. Months passed and the Christian brother went to see the farmer again.

"I want to buy a hog", said the Christian. The farmer showed all his best hogs to him. Then they came to the runt. "I believe I will take that one" the, Christian said. BUT you don't want that one. He's the worst runt to the litter. "I sure do" said the Christian. So they loaded the runt in the truck. "Now," said the Christian "what if I take this pig here from your farm and ride all over this area telling folks that this is the kind of hogs you raise?"

"That's not fair!" the farmer exclaimed. "I have some nice hogs and you want to show people that runt?!"

To which the Christian replied, "If it's fair for the church it's fair for the hogs!"

Source: Monday Fodder

mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder

I don't know anyone who would go swimming in the Amazon near a school of piranhas. I mean, some things make no sense at all. Like lighting a match to see if your gas tank is empty. Or stroking a rhino to see if he's tame.

And yet there are Christians running loose today who flirt with risks far greater than any of the above. And they do so with such calm faces you'd swear they had ice water in their veins. You'd never guess they are balancing on the tightwire of disaster without a net.

Who are they? They are the ones who rewrite the Bible to accommodate their lifestyle. We've all met them. Outwardly they appear to be your basic believer, but down inside, operation rationalization transpires daily. They are experts at rephrasing or explaining away the painful truth of texts.

Here is a sampling of accommodating theology:

God wants me happy. I can't be happy married to her. So I'm leaving -- and I know He will understand.

There was a time when this might have been considered immoral. But not today. The Lord gave me this desire and wants me to enjoy it.

Look, nobody's perfect. So I got in deeper than I planned. Sure, it's a little shady, but what's grace all about, anyway?

Whenever they run across Scripture verses or principles that attack their position, they alter them to accommodate their practice. That way, two things occur: (1) all desires (no matter how wrong) are fulfilled, and (2) all guilt (no matter how justified) is erased.

That way everybody can do his own thing and nobody has any reason to question another's actions. If he does, call him a legalist and plow right on...

The consequences of sin may not come immediately -- but they will come eventually. And when they do, there will be no excuses, no rationalization, no accommodation.

The Tale Of The Tardy Oxcart

Charles R. Swindoll, Word, pp. 569-570.

Twelve things you shouldn't say to a police officer:

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says, "Gee, Son ... your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" you probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee, Officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

EXCUSES FOR MISSING CHURCH

Why I stopped going to ball games:

1. Whenever I go to a game, they ask for money.

2. The other fans don't care about me.

3. The seats are too hard.

4. Coach never visits me.

5. The referee makes calls I don't agree with.

6. Some of the games go into overtime and make me late for dinner.

7. The band plays songs I don't know.

8. I have other things to do at game time.

9. My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

10. I know more than the coaches do anyway.

11. I can be just as good a fan at the lake.

12. I won't take my kids to a game either. They must choose for themselves which teams to follow.

CITATION: Mike and Amy Nappa, A Heart Like His (Barbour, 1999),

pp. 182-183.

KEYWORDS: Attitudes; Church; Church Attendance; Excuses

SCRIPTURE: Romans 12:4-5; Romans 12:10; Hebrews 10:25

Christian workers have an unusual opportunity to listen to people. In the course of their many conversations, many promises are given, statements made, and excuses offered. Perhaps it is easy to see, then, that some people do not “say what they mean”:

“THEY SAY” usually means, “I heard it from at least one source, but everybody must believe it.”

“IT NEEDS TO BE DONE” means, “I'm not going to do anything about it, but the church ought to.”

“I'VE HEARD SOME CRITICISM”

Usually means, I'm against it but I don't have the nerve to state my belief.”

“THE WHOLE CHURCH IS UPSET"

Usually means, “two or three loud mouths have turned lose their venom.”

“IT MIGHT BRING CRITICISM” means, I know it should be done but it take too much effort for me to do it.”

“IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME RIGHT” really means, “I'm going to say something I'm not sure of, whether true or false, but if somebody discovers I'm wrong, then I can always blame my memory.”

“PREACHER, I WILL BE THERE IF I'M NOT PROVIDENTIALLY HINDERED” nearly always means, If I am not there, you can blame God for it.”

“I'LL COME EVERY TIME I CAN”

Usually means, “If I do not have something better to do I'll be there.”

“I WON'T PROMISE, BUT I'LL DO MY BEST” means, “Don't expect much out of me.”

“I'M STILL STUDYING THE QUESTION” usually means, “I want to stay in a position to agree with both sides.”

You can take it from there! Christians should be far more careful to mean what they say and say what they mean than people of the world. (Matthew 5:36-37).

________

Source: Monday Fodder; submitted by Charles Kitner

*

He … said … I … hid thy talent in the earth … His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant. — Matthew 25:24-26.

Between the great things we cannot do and the small things we will not do, the danger is that we shall do nothing. Monod

Lord, 0 teach me what to do,

Make me faithful, make me true,

And the sacred trust renew.

Help me, ere too late it be,

Something yet to do for Thee,

Thou Who hast done all for me.

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk

Abraham was too old

Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar

Leah was ugly

Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem

Gideon was afraid

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer

Rahab was a prostitute

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

David had an affair and was a murderer

Elijah was suicidal

Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God

Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt

Peter denied Christ

The disciples fell asleep while praying

Martha worried about everything

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zacchaeus was too small

Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer...AND

Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses! God can use you to your full potential.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” Ali MacGraw said in the 1970 tearjerker “Love Story,” a line whose iconic status belies its lack of any discernible logic. But that was so last millennium. In 2006, a better line might be: “Apologizing means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Rarely have there been so many prominent public apologies coming so close together, saying at once so much - “That wasn’t really me, it was the booze talking, I have inner rage, I have a dark side, I’m in rehab” - and so little. So little, that is, about the actual transgression that made them necessary.

Entertainers, politicians, media figures, religious leaders. Why have public apologies become such a mainstay of our culture? It seems that the minute a transgression occurs, be it small or large, we wait for penitence. It’s the other shoe that needs to drop before we can move on.

Maybe it’s because as much as we love scandal - and we love it especially now that we can capture it on cellphone video or stream it on YouTube - we love something else even more: “Everybody,” says Ken Sunshine, a veteran publicist in both entertainment and politics, “loves a story of redemption.”

And so, a thematic look back at a year in apologies, if you can call them that:

THE “I AM NOT A (FILL IN THE BLANK)” APOLOGY. The most recent specimen: Michael Richards, aka Kramer from “Seinfeld,” who’s having an unwanted second moment in the sun with his stunning “n-word” rant. In the first of several apologies, Richards made an awkward appearance on David Letterman’s “Late Show” and explained that it was rage at being heckled that sparked his tirade: “I’m not racist - that’s what’s so insane about this.” (His publicist said he also planned a personal apology to the men he targeted.)

Was it effective? “There’s a piece of it that doesn’t fit for me,” says Jerry Deffenbacher, a psychology professor at Colorado State University who studies rage. “It’s not unusual for a comic to be heckled. I would want to know more about his impulse control history.”

Impulse control was clearly a problem for a much bigger star - Mel Gibson - on the July night when he was pulled over for drunken driving and spewed anti-Semitic comments at the arresting officer.

“Please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite,” Gibson said in a statement soon after the incident. “I am not a bigot.” Jewish leaders said the healing would take work. “Anti-Semitism is not born in one day and cannot be cured in one day and certainly not through the issuing of a press release,” noted Rabbi Marvin Hier, dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles.

For cultural critic Roger Rosenblatt, the whole apology business is just that - a business. “It’s basically the way you get on with your career,” says Rosenblatt, an author and essayist at Time magazine. “It wouldn’t be made - or publicly received - if there weren’t some tacit understanding that this is what you do in order to keep earning a living.” Which means that those who accept the apology - the public, in other words - are part of the deal.

IT WAS THE (FILL IN THE SUBSTANCE) TALKING: Gibson fits in here too. Diane Sawyer eventually got the big interview, and the movie star blamed his problems on alcohol: “Once you’re loaded, you know, the balance of how you see things - it comes out the wrong way.” The claim led experts to debate whether booze could actually change one’s social beliefs. In any case, Gibson is hardly the only figure this year to attribute his troubles to alcohol.

Rep. Mark Foley, the Florida congressman forced to resign over his sexually explicit computer messages to congressional pages, never made a public apology himself, but through attorneys announced he had alcohol problems (some colleagues were skeptical), was gay, and had been abused by a priest as a teenager. He recently finished about a month in treatment for alcoholism.

Rep. Bob Ney of Ohio resigned late this year after pleading guilty in the Jack Abramoff influence-peddling investigation. Apologizing in September, he said he’d checked into an alcohol-abuse program.

And Rep. Patrick Kennedy entered rehab for addiction to prescription pain drugs in May after a nighttime car crash that he claimed not to remember. The Rhode Island Democrat was re-elected easily in November.

THE “I HAVE A DARK SIDE” APOLOGY. “There’s a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life,” the Rev. Ted Haggard wrote his congregation in November amid allegations he consorted with a gay prostitute and snorted meth.

The former president of the National Association of Evangelicals is now on a course of rehab - which is a common denominator of virtually all the prominent apologies this year.

“When in doubt, go to rehab or find God,” says Sunshine.

For one analyst of popular culture, it’s a measure of the “therapeutic culture” that we live in. “It’s like a huge moving conveyor belt. Once you declare yourself to be a client of our therapeutic culture, we say, ‘OK great! Welcome aboard,’” says Jerry Herron, professor at Wayne State University. “Somewhere, there will be a sofa waiting for you.” (It could be Oprah’s couch - remember author James Frey? - or Letterman’s, or Don Imus’ studio - remember Sen. John Kerry’s regrettably botched joke involving the Iraq war?)

One of the many problems with that approach, says Herron, is that it becomes all about one individual’s recovery - not the larger problem. Whatever the Michael Richards flap reveals about the actor, he notes, it probably says something important about latent racism in our society decades after the civil rights movement. And yet, he says, we’ll never talk about that bigger issue: “It’s all about him.”

In this very sorry year, even the pope has been called upon to apologize, for comments seen by Muslims as offensive to Islam. While not making a full-scale apology, Benedict XVI has expressed regret for offending Muslims and said the remarks did not reflect his personal views.

Herron, of Wayne State, looks back to the 19th century for a lesson on how to do an apology right in America. Grover Cleveland, running for president in 1884, was faced with accusations that he’d fathered a child out of wedlock; the bachelor acknowledged right away that he’d had a relationship with the woman and said he’d support the child even though he had no idea if it was his (this was pre-DNA testing.) He won the election.

Whoever was doing Cleveland’s PR, Sunshine, the publicist, approves. The important lessons to remember for a successful public redemption, he says, are to come clean and be honest. Don’t spin a lot of baloney. Don’t pretend to be a saint. And don’t go expecting a “quick fix” - that doesn’t work anymore in our crime-and-punishment obsessed world.

Oh, and one more thing, something our mothers told us:

“Don’t ever do it again.”

The common denominator among shoplifting addicts is a sense of victimization, of having been unfairly taken from in their lives. Shoplifting from a store is their attempt to regain lost power, to get even for a lifetimes of unjust deprivation.

Researcher Terry Shulman has found a handful of commonly held beliefs among the thousands of compulsive shoplifters he has met or counseled over the years: “Life is unfair.” “The world is an unsafe place.” “I’m entitled to something extra for my suffering.” “Nice people finish last.”

Lee Taylor, a white supremacist who belonged to an Aryan Nation gang, was executed in Texas by lethal injection in 2011. While he was in prison he had fatally stabbed a black prisoner multiple times with an 8-inch shank (home-made knife). When given an opportunity to say his last words, he said:

“Mom, I love you. For all of you people, I defended myself when I killed your family member. Prison is a bad place. There was eight against me.

I didn’t set out to kill him. I am sorry that I killed him, but he would not have been in prison if he was a saint...

Texas is carrying out a very inhumane injustice. It’s not right to kill anybody just because I killed your people. Everyone changes, right? Life is about experience and people change... I hope you don’t find satisfaction in this, watching a human being die.”

Mr. Taylor obviously felt his execution was unfair. But was it unjust? He brings up self-defense, lack of premeditation, remorse - plus a dig at the deceased. The gospel of Jesus says change, eternal change, is certainly possible. But what is possible does not always become reality. It is important for us to repent while we still have time. As God revealed to the prophet Ezekiel (18:23):

"Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?"

________

Material drawn from "The last testimony: The final words of Texas death row prisoners," by Clare Dwyer Hogg, October 15, 2001, , and the Texas Execution Information Center, .