Menu

53 Sermon Illustrations on Fool

53 illustrations Page 1 of 2

In Christian preaching, a fool is one who rejects God's wisdom and lives in spiritual folly, often leading to ruin and judgment (Psalm 14:1; Matthew 5:22). Illustrations portray folly through pictures of foolish decisions, stubbornness, and the tragic consequences of ignoring divine instruction, emphasizing the stark contrast between worldly foolishness and godly wisdom.

They Blew Their Jackpot

Mark 10:28

Vic and Lillian Cooper (51,34) of Maltby, England, won $77,481 in a bingo jackpot. Four months later it was all gone and they have applied for welfare. "It may be a cold day in Hell before they get it, say welfare authorities." They spent $6,300 on a car, $7,200 on a vacation trailer, $7,200 on furniture, and $56,781 on miscellaneous (largely gifts for relatives and toys for their son Darren, 4). They are now $144 behind in rent and living on $49 a week, including a $13 government allowance and a previous loan.

"It's very difficult when you get money for the first time in your life not to go out and spend it," said Vic. "We used to look in the shop windows and never be able to afford anything."

You'll End Up In Hell.

Calling someone a "Fool." Contempt is also condemned.

A. Jesus says it has a steep penalty - fires of hell.

B. Grandma Holwick illustration.

Years ago my sister and I were messing around in our grandma's

living room.

My sister did something irritating, so I called her a "fool."

Immediately, Grandma whirled around and said,

"Don't call her a fool or you'll go to hell!"

All week long I had been calling her a nitwit and a moron, but

"fool" was apparently special.

from Old sermon by Rev. David Holwick · Rev. David Holwick (personal Illustration) via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

The President Was A Fool

Those who are filled with Heaven's wisdom will submit to reason.

On one occasion Abraham Lincoln, to please a certain politician, issued a command to transfer certain regiments. When Secretary of War Edwin Stanton received the order, he refused to carry it out, saying the President was a fool. When Lincoln was told of this, he replied, "If Stanton said I'm a fool, then I must be, for he is nearly always right. I'll see for myself."

As the two men talked, the President quickly realized that his decision was a serious mistake, and without hesitation he withdrew it. A teachable, open spirit is often a major key is defusing conflict.

from James: Faith That Works · R. Kent Hughes via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database reproofrebukelincoln

Scalia: Devout Christians Are "fools"

Luke 23:11

On April 9, 1996, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia delivered an historic address at the invitation of the Mississippi College School of Law, a Baptist school. His speech generated a firestorm of criticism among indignant members of the liberal press. Scalia's address dealt with the ridicule of Christians in the United States and the disdain in which their cherished beliefs are held by the cultural elite. Perhaps his comments on that day were motivated by cover stories in Time, Newsweek and US News and World Report, each questioning the historic validity of Jesus' resurrection. Not surprisingly, those stories ran during or near Easter week, when Christians were celebrating the risen Savior.

Scalia's speech was reported in this manner: "Devout Christians are destined to be regarded as fools in modern society." "We are fools for Christ's sake," the conservative jurist said, giving a glimpse of his private views. We must pray for courage to endure the scorn of the sophisticated world." Scalia said intellectuals through history have rejected miracles and the Easter story. "The wise do not investigate such silliness," he said sarcastically. "They do not believe (in the resurrection of the dead)," it's "irrational" to reject miracles. "One can be sophisticated and believe in God. Reason and intellect are not to be laid aside where matters of religion are concerned." He took note that the word "Cretin" or fool, is derived from the French word of "Christian."

To be honest about it, that is the view of Christians taken by modern society. "Surely those who adhere to all or most of these traditional Christian beliefs are to be regarded as simple-minded," he told 650 persons. "To many Americans, everything from Easter morning to the Ascension had to be made up by the groveling enthusiasts (disciples) as part of their plan to get themselves martyred."

from Focus On The Family Newsletter · James Dobson via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database easterfool

Testing Faith

Luke 4:9

A splinter group of Jehovah's Witnesses that tests their faith by standing in traffic, lost one of their members when she was struck by a vehicle on Interstate 55 while professing her beliefs to the passing motorists. It was not her first attempt to win converts in the middle of the busy freeway, but it was certainly her last.

________

2000 Darwin Award Nominee

Confirmed True

DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2002

Submitted by: Andrew Lias

Reference: News of the Weird, Springfield [Illinois] State Journal-Register

I Wonder If This Is Loaded?

Luke 11:40

Collin and a fellow University of Illinois police officer were good friends who shared a disaffection for their employer. They often relaxed after work to gripe about policies and enjoy an unusual game they had invented to relieve their frustrations. They called the game "Sweet Release," "65% Disability," and "Million-Dollar Wound."

On New Year's Eve, Collin's partner handed over his Glock semiautomatic handgun, saying, "Sweet Release." The two men had exchanged their duty weapons in their game on prior occasions, but this night was different.

"I wonder if this is loaded?" With those portentous parting words, Collin stuck the gun in his mouth and played his final round of "Sweet Release."

Investigators interviewed the two men and three women present during the fatal shooting, and all agreed that Collin was his normal, happy self, and did not intend to commit suicide.

Although Collin had been drinking with friends for several hours on the night of the accident, his blood alcohol level at 0.09% was barely over the Illinois legal limit for driving. This level is high enough to dull reflexes, but is not sufficient to seriously impair cognitive function.

The deceased had worked for the Charleston Police Department and the Champaign County sheriff's office before taking a job at the University. But in all his years in law enforcement, he had apparently never fully absorbed the cardinal rule of handling weapons, stated by investigator Jim Rein: "Whether civilian or police officer, the assumption [should be] that every weapon is loaded."

2001 Darwin Award Nominee

Confirmed True

DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2002

Reference: MARY SCHENK of The Champaign-Urbana [Illinois] News-Gazette

Stupid Human Tricks

Luke 11:40

Several years ago a brand new locomotive was brought in for repair after being involved in an accident. While the shop was fixing the fuel tank, a significant amount of diesel fuel was spilled on the floor. The foreman assigned two shop laborers to clean up the fuel.

As they worked, the laborers began to argue about the flammability of diesel. One claimed to have seen a demonstration on the David Letterman Show the previous night, in which a science teacher extinguished Mr. Letterman's cigar in a jar of diesel fuel.

The worker decided to demonstrate this principle to his coworker, but he was unable to find a match. So he climbed into the cab of the locomotive and retrieved a road flare. He struck the flare and threw it into the spilled fuel.

Unfortunately for all concerned, road flares burn much hotter than cigars, and the spill was not deep enough to submerge the flare. In addition, flares contain both fuel and oxidant. The diesel fuel ignited quite easily. The workers escaped injury, but the locomotive was a total loss, and the repair facility suffered extensive damage.

Remember to use common sense when duplicating feats from TV, kids!

DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2002

Submitted by: Carl T. Hand

Accident Prone

Luke 11:40

A waitress I work with came in with a cast on her arm and nasty bruises covering the back of her head and neck. Concerned, we inquired what happened. Without embarrassment she told us she'd fallen while shaving her legs.

"In the bath tub?" we asked.

"No, in the sink in the washroom at a bar."

"Why were you shaving your legs in a bar sink?"

She explained that she was in a wet T-shirt contest trying to impress a particular guy, so she wanted to wear hotpants too, which necessitated a quick shave. But she was drunk and while her leg was braced on the sink, she slipped and fractured her wrist.

We asked her if the bruises on her head and neck were also caused by the shaving mishap.

"No, after I hurt myself in the bathroom, I went backstage to wait for my turn in the competition. When I walked onstage, it was already wet from the other competitors, and I fell off and hit my head on the edge of the stage. But I won the competition!"

We asked if her head hurt, and she replied, "Yeah but it's not my head that I really care about, it's my wrist." Well, OBVIOUSLY...

DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2002

Submitted by: Tanyss

Moody's Response To A Heckler

Psalms 14:1

When D. L. Moody was conducting evangelistic meetings, he frequently faced hecklers who were in violent disagreement with him. In the final service of one campaign, an usher handed the famous preacher a note as he entered the auditorium. It was actually from an atheist who had been giving Mr. Moody a great deal of trouble. The evangelist, however, supposed that it was an announcement, so he quieted the large audience and prepared to read it.

Opening the folded piece of paper he found scrawled in large print only one word: “Fool!”

The colorful preacher was equal to the occasion. Said Moody, “I have just been handed a memo which contains the single word -- ‘Fool’. This is most unusual. I’ve often heard of those who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard of anyone who signed his name and then forgot to write the letter!”

Taking advantage of the unique situation, Moody promptly changed his sermon text to Psalm 14:1, “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God!”

from Fredericksburg Bible Illustrator Supplements via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database fool

Catfight: Are All Men Idiots?

Anyone watching this year's NFL playoffs has probably seen Miller Lite's newest commercial. The ad features two attractive young women seated next to a fountain. They are debating what's best about the beer: “tastes great” or “less filling”?

Suddenly the argument degenerates into “an angry, clothes-shredding, wrestling match,” and the women end up in the fountain. They strip each other down to their undergarments before continuing the match in a cement trough. How degrading to these women.

The ad then cuts to a bar where it turns out that the fight was merely a male fantasy. It was two guys' idea of the perfect beer ad. In the network version, their dates then look at them in a way that says, “What morons!”

Miller has drawn fire, to put it mildly, for this latest ad, named “Catfight.” Laura Ries, a media and image consultant, called the ad “degrading” and “explicit” in USA TODAY. Miller acknowledged that married women with families, especially those over forty, are especially put off by “Catfight.”

But then, these women aren't Miller's target audience. The beer company claims to have hit a “home run” with twenty-one- to thirty-one-year-old males who, Miller claims, see the ad for what it is: an “insight into guys' mentality” and “a lighthearted spoof of guys' fantasies.”

In other words, Miller is saying that every young American male is at heart what advertisers and media experts call a “mook.” A mook is a perpetual adolescent. He is pre-occupied with sexual matters and cannot rise above the level of the trivial.

As Douglas Rushkoff of New York University says, the mook is entirely “the creation of marketers.” He is designed to sell to young men by appealing to an exaggerated version of their worst instincts.

What then happens is that, in what Rushkoff calls a “feedback loop,” young men imitate what they see on the screen, which in turn prompts similar images -- a vicious circle, in which what people see shapes their self-understanding, as well as their behavior.

That's bad because the mook is everywhere. In one beer ad, the guys depicted are so slothful that they tunnel into their neighbor's refrigerator and steal her Bud Lite beer rather than go to the store. In another ad, guys “debate” the outcome of a battle between the Bionic Man and Wonder Woman.

TV shows are also filled with mooks. Male characters on popular shows like FRIENDS exhibit mook-like characteristics. Anything aimed at a young male audience is expected to feature immature behavior, like bathroom humor and sexual innuendo.

Throughout mass media, the message is usually the same one Ries got from the Miller Lite commercial: “All men are idiots.”

Thus, media and advertisers have succeeded at doing what generations of feminists only dreamed of: rendering young American males as ridiculous, maybe even superfluous -- the kind of dimwitted and trivial being that a woman is better off without.

I'll warn you: Now that you know what a mook is, you'll see him everywhere -- even in church. If you watch the game Sunday, watch it with your kids. Look for the ads with the mooks, and take the opportunity to talk to them. Explain why mooks are lousy role models and how women are degraded in these ads. Better to step in before worldviews get injured in the game.

FURTHER READING AND INFORMATION

Michael McCarthy, “Miller Lite's 'Catfight' ad angers some viewers,” USA TODAY, 15 January 2003. http://www.usatoday.com/money/advertising/2003-01-14-beer_x.htm

Douglas Rushkoff discussed the creation of the “mook” in PBS's Frontline report, “The Merchants of Cool.” http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/tour/tour2.html

Charles Colson, “Merchants of Cool,” CHRISTIANITY TODAY, 11 June 2001. http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2001/008/48.112.html

Christina Hoff Sommers, WHO STOLE FEMINISM?: HOW WOMEN HAVE BETRAYED WOMEN (Touchstone, 1995).

____________

Copyright (c) 2003 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #14583]

from BreakPoint Commentary · Charles Colson via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

A Letter With Only His Name

Reverend Henry Ward Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letter awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word "Fool". Quietly and with becoming seriousness, he announced to the congregation the fact in these words: "I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter."

==============

Another version with a different evangelist!:

Dwight Moody was preaching when someone passed a note to him through the usher. It had only one word, “Fool.” Moody looked at and said, “I've often received notes that weren't signed. This is the first time I've received a note that someone forgot to write but signed.”

from Fredericksburg Bible Illustrator Supplements via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database enemyrebuke

Safety Last [2 Versions, With Update]

Luke 11:40

Human life is exceedingly cheap and but little value is put upon it Never was there a time when man cared so little for life and so flirted with death for a few coins and a little publicity, as now. In New York City, thousands of people halted on Broadway before the Martinique Hotel to see Harry F. Young, “The Human Fly,” climb the outside wall of the building to the roof. It was March 5, 1923. As he approached the top, foothold and handhold failed him and the great crowds experienced the sickening and awful sensation of beholding him fall from the great height to his death on the pavement. His wife, who watched him make the ascent, fainted as well as many others who had stood to watch his human folly in its defiance of all natural laws. As Mr. Young climbed the building, he had attached to his back a placard on which were the words: “Safety Last.”

“Safety First,” is the part of wisdom, “Safety Last” is a fool’s mockery. There are thousands who are more foolish than Mr. Young. They have no protection, no safety, no security in this life or in the life that is to come. They stand on the perilous edge of a yawning eternity to amuse the crowds. “Safety First” is the most necessary thing in the world.

________

William Moses Tidwell, “Effective Illustrations.”

==========================

Version by H. A. Ironside:

THE HUMAN FLY

“They ... weave the spider’s web: ... neither shall they cover themselves with their works” (Isaiah 59:5-6)

Some years ago there came to Los Angeles, the great metropolis of Southern California, a so-called “human fly.” It was announced that on a given day he would climb up the face of one of the large department store buildings, and long before the appointed time, thousands of eager spectators were gathered to see him perform the seemingly impossible feat.

But slowly and carefully he mounted aloft, now clinging to a window ledge, and to a jutting brick, again to a cornice. Up and up he went, against apparently insurmountable difficulties. At last he was nearing the top. He was seen to feel to right and left and above his head for something firm enough to support his weight, to carry him further. And soon he seemed to spy what looked like a gray bit of stone or discolored brick protruding from the smooth wall. He reached for it, but it was just beyond him. He ventured all on a spring-like movement, grasped the protuberance and, before the horrified eyes of the spectators, fell to the ground and was broken to pieces. In his dead hand was found a spider’s web! What he evidently mistook for solid stone or brick turned out to be nothing but dried froth!

Alas, how many are thinking to climb to heaven by effort of their own, only to find at last that they have ventured all on a spider’s web, and so are lost forever.

________

ILLUSTRATIONS OF BIBLE TRUTH, H. A. Ironside

=======================

Update by David Holwick:

There are some interesting stories about "Human Flies" or "Human Spiders" in the first decades of the last century. The great early film comedian Harold Lloyd was in Los Angeles one morning in 1919 and saw Bill Strother climb the Brockman Building. The event inspired Lloyd's famous scene in his movie "Safety Last!" (1923) where the bespectacled actor dangles from the hands of the skyscraper clock above a busy street. Strother had also been a supporting actor in an earlier movie called "Safety First." Was Harry Young's placard an advertisement for the 1923 movie? [See ]

Harry H. Gardiner (1871-?), better known as the HUMAN FLY, was an American famous for climbing buildings. He began climbing in 1905, and successfully climbed over 700 buildings in Europe and North America, usually wearing ordinary street clothes. He used no special equipment. He also played upon the tension contained in Ironside's illustration; one website says:

The crowd gasped as he let go of all but one hand

and hung there. He swung himself back and forth in

a pendulum motion until he had thrown himself

safely onto the next ledge.

Hand over hand, his fingers finding crevices and

holds between bricks and great blocks, he climbed

toward the roof. An intense moment occurred when,

as Gardiner hung onto the face of the building with

one hand, he reached sideways and upwards with the

other. A piece of stone broke off. The crowd

gasped. Gardiner carefully picked it up and handed

it to his manager, who was looking out of a nearby

window.

George Gibson Polley also spiced up his performances by pretending to slip and fall from one windowsill to another; he climbed 500 feet up the Custom House Tower in Boston in the 1920s.

The danger was not imaginary. Harry Young died in 1923; two others died in stunts in 1924. Many cities subsequently enacted ordinances prohibiting the scaling of buildings. The lure remains, of course. George Willig, a toy maker from Brooklyn, used homemade climbing equipment to scale the World Trade Center on a windy May day in 1977. The building's legal department pressed criminal trespass against Willig, then iced the cake with a $750,000 civil suit. The bad publicity caused them to change their minds. Ironically, Willig's mother working in the Empire State Building when a B-25 bomber crashed into it; she survived. []

The Guinness Book of World Records gives the longest vertical climb on the face of a building as the one by Daniel Goodwin of California. On May 25, 1981, he wore a Spiderman costume as he climbed a record 1,454 feet up the Sears Tower of Chicago, using suction cups and metal clips for support.

from Fredericksburg Bible Illustrator Supplements · William Moses Tidwell, ''Effective Illustrations'' via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database safetyfooltrustdangerfall

He Knows Why He Jumped the Second Time

While drunk on vodka, Alexei Roskov, 22, jumped out the window of his Moscow, Russia, apartment. Despite falling from his fifth-storey flat, Roskov was not at all injured, and managed to stagger back upstairs to his apartment. And then he did it again.

An ambulance crew who was summoned for the first call asked him why he jumped. “I have no idea why I jumped the first time,” Roskov said, but he knows why he jumped the second time: to escape his wife’s nagging over the first jump. “When I came back up and I heard my wife screaming angrily at me I thought it was best if I left the room again,” he said. He says he has now given up alcohol.

________

Press Association

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #3148]

from This Is True · Randy Cassingham via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database fool

Bad Reasoning Causes Bad Conclusions

Here are a few examples of bad reasoning causing bad conclusions. Though humorous, the principles are based somewhat in truth.

Ignoring the Advice of Experts Without Good Reason:

Example: Sure, the experts say you shouldn't ride a bicycle in the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory.

Following The Advice of Known Fools:

Example: Uncle Horace says eating pork makes you smarter. That's good enough for me.

Reaching Bizarre Conclusions Without Any Information:

Example: My car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns.

Failure to Recognize What's Important:

Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and tell them to hold my mail!

Blinding Flashes of the Obvious:

Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty.

Blaming The Tool:

Example: I bought an encyclopedia, but I'm still ignorant.

Taking Things to Their Illogical Conclusion:

Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you know he'll be lopping your limbs off.

Judging the Whole by One of its Characteristics:

Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore, the planet would be better off without the sun.

__________

Source: Quotes of the Day

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #12227]

Did They Retrieve the Keys?

In February 2001, prosecutors in Orleans County, Vermont, finally got around to filing a murder charge against Jamie Ovitt for killing his ex-stepfather Duane Perry in April 2000. Allegedly, Ovitt shot Perry because he was mad that Perry was spreading the word around town (truthfully) that Jamie and his mother were fathered by the same man (a fellow named "Hebe" Ovitt).

According to the prosecutor, the murder was not smooth: Ovitt's fatal bullet went right through Duane Perry and hit the ex-Mrs. Perry (who was helping Jamie), bloodying her knee, and after they buried Duane in a deep grave, they jumped into Duane's truck to get away, only to realize that the keys were still in the victim's pocket.

[Valley News (Lebanon, N.H.)]

from Internet · Valley News via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database fool

A Time To Laugh: Watching Human Folly With St. Mugg

Years ago, I visited with Malcolm Muggeridge, the great curmudgeonly journalist and convert to Christianity. He was dubbed "Saint Mugg" by the WASHINGTON POST.

During tea, I remarked on one of our many cultural travesties of the day. I don't remember the subject, but I was outraged.

Muggeridge leaned back in his chair and started laughing uproariously. "Oh, Chuck! Don't you get all heated up over these kinds of things. This is simply human folly. What we're witnessing is human beings going through all the foolish and stupid things they do. In the end, God will have to work it all out. At my age" -- Muggeridge was then seventy-three -- "it just all looks so ludicrous, I laugh at it."

I thought perhaps Muggeridge was getting a bit senile, but now that I am approaching that age myself, I appreciate what he said. Some of what goes on is so bad that you'll end up ranting and raving like a madman unless you laugh. It's nothing more than the idiocies of human beings. How utterly preposterous we are!

I thought of Muggeridge when I read a recent article by Frank Rich in the NEW YORK TIMES titled, "Religion for Dummies." Yes, you're getting the point about what it's about. In the article, he took the Catholic church to task for its handling of the pedophilia cases and then gratuitously brought in a few others for condemnation.

He cited Tom DeLay, the House majority whip, who had the audacity to say, to a church audience, no less, "Only Christianity offers a way to live in response to the realities that we find in this world" -- a statement, by the way, right out of my book HOW NOW SHALL WE LIVE?

I had to laugh. What does belief in a religion mean if not a conviction that it provides the ultimate answer for how we're to respond to the realities of life? We all -- including Mr. Rich -- choose a worldview by which we order our lives. And we all believe it's the best response to reality, or we wouldn't have chosen it. Mr. DeLay's statement is no more scandalous than saying, "I get up in the morning and think I'm a human." It's stating the obvious.

I suspect Mr. Rich won't see the humor in this, but it's really comical.

Rich goes on to bash John Ashcroft, the attorney general and target of choice these days for angry liberal columnists. Ashcroft had the audacity to say, "We are a nation called to defend freedom -- freedom that has not been granted by any government or document, but is our endowment from God." Rich writes that "Ashcroft has therefore dispensed with the constitution, which defines our freedoms."

Really? No, Mr. Rich. The Declaration of Independence says that all are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights including liberty. That was the point of the American Revolution. We fought believing that rights come from God, not from King George.

And wasn't it Thomas Jefferson -- not John Ashcroft -- who said that we abide by the laws of nature and nature's God?

Mr. Rich insists that John Ashcroft is "pumping up the volume of his preening sanctimony." Can it be that Mr. Rich really doesn't know American history? He needs to go back to the books.

Rich's column is a farce, and Malcolm Muggeridge had it right. The world is a foolish place filled with foolish people making foolish statements. The best thing you can do sometimes is to laugh.

================

For further information:

Russell Kirk, "Malcolm Muggeridge's Scourging of Liberalism," Heritage Foundation Lecture no. 229, 21 September 1989.

Frances Stead Sellers, "A Satirist in Search of Salvation," THE WASHINGTON POST, 3 March 1996.

Frank Rich, "Religion for Dummies," THE NEW YORK TIMES, 27 April 2002. (Free registration required.)

_________________________

Copyright © 2002 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. 'BreakPoint with Chuck Colson' is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

from BreakPoint Commentary · Charles Colson via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database liberty

Next of Kin

Ruth 3:12

Upon arriving at his church office one fine Monday morning to a preacher was surprised to find a dead donkey in the parking lot. He immediately called the police. However, since there was no apparent foul play, the dispatcher referred the man of God to the health department. They said since there was no public health threat at the time, he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the donkey without authorization from the mayor.

Now the preacher knew the mayor and wasn’t eager to phone him. The mayor had a nasty temper and was, in general, hard to deal with ... but the minister telephoned him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint - he immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor, saying, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The preacher paused for a moment to seek the Lord’s wisdom and then said, "Yes, your honor, it is my job to bury the dead, but first I am required to notify the next of kin!"

_________________

Source/Attribution: From jaxclassenclan via www.gcfl.net (3 June 2002); modified for SIEW

*

from Gillmartin's Sermon-illustrations-each-week (SIEW) · John Gillmartin via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Getting Rid of Stupidity

Luke 11:40

James Watson (co-discoverer of the structure of DNA) said on British television in March 2003 he sees no reason why "stupidity" could not some day be corrected by gene therapy just as other "disorders" are now being addressed. "If you're really stupid, I would call that a disease," he said on the Channel 4 documentary "DNA." "I'd like to get rid of (stupidity)."

___________

New Scientist, 2/28/03

*

[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate]

from Internet · New Scientist via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Dying For A Principle

'Only a fool would die for a principle . . . unless he had grasped the fact that a holy God will ultimately hold him accountable for his actions.'

Dwight Hill, The Fax of the Matter, March 19, 1997

Take It From the Labels (2 versions)

Be warned: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

That label on a pair of shin guards beat out nearly 100 competitors Wednesday to win the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch's Wacky Warning Labels contest.

Runners-up included:

A label affixed to a toilet inside a public restroom: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft."

A warning on an electric router: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

A warning on a novelty rock garden set (called "Popcorn Rock"): "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth!"

________

Source: Pearls of the Net, http://www.topica.com/lists/pearls/

=============================

Another version:

In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) began a contest to expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about potential frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural phenomenon: the wacky warning label.

Over the years, M-LAW has received hundreds of warning labels from people around the world. M-LAW verifies the authenticity of each label and selects the “Top 5” for each year.

Following is a list of some of the best labels from the first five contests:

A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”

A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to “Remove child before folding”

A prescription of sleeping pills says, “Warning: May cause drowsiness

A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: “Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.”

A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”

A snow blower warns: “Do not use snow thrower on roof.”

A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”

A CD player carries this unusual warning: “Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult.”

An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”

A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”

*

from Source not recorded via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database warningfool

Stupid Criminal Stories

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up!"

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank

4. THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "this is her husband!".

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

8. THE GRAND FINALE

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putt-putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard... (Remember, this is true) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

*

from Email · Submitted by Carol Kagdis, Ledgewood Baptist Church via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Worker Evaluations

These quotes were taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large U.S. Corporation:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom ... and has started to dig deeper."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't-be'."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"This employee should go far ... and the sooner he starts, the better."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his point pointless."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one of them looks bored, he's the other one."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge ... he only gargled."

"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

______________

Rev. Kelly Boggs, Baptist Press on January 10, 2003:

Acting legend John Wayne is reported to have said, "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."

*

from Email · Submitted by Sgt. Ross Corbett via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

A Thousand Teachers

Proverbs 9:8

I've been going to same barber for many years - and giving him increasingly less to work with. But one day I chastised him for actually throwing away all that good hair on the floor. You know, some of us could use that stuff! Well, anyway, Steve has been a barber for over 50 years - he's really a craftsman at what he does. His dad came to America as an immigrant and made a living as a barber. So Steve literally grew up in a barber shop. Now, as he was cutting my hair the other day - both of them - I learned how he became so good at what he does. He said, "Different men would come to my father's shop to cut hair, and I tried to learn something from each one of them. Each one had something different that you could learn from him."

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "A Thousand Teachers."

Now, looking at everyone you meet as someone from whom you learn something ... that's an outlook that can make you a millionaire - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally. Our word for today from the Word of God actually defines major differences between a wise person and foolish person. We're beginning with Proverbs 9:8 - "Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning ... If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer." OK, one person is teachable, and therefore wise ... and therefore enjoying rewards. Another person is not teachable, therefore not wise ... and therefore suffering.

Life is exciting when you look at each person you're with as someone you can learn something from. Like my barber realized watching those men cutting hair in his father's shop, each person has something different to show you. Last week I met a man who's a surveyor. I said, "What makes someone a good surveyor?" so maybe I could maybe a life principle. I also met a man who's a consultant to real estate developers, so I asked him, "What's the most common mistake real estate developers make?" And he said, "Well, they stay with a bad thing too long." I thought that was a good standard by which to evaluate a lot of things in life.

One practical facet of humility is teachability - the open-hearted attitude that "I don't have all the answers." You can learn so much from a Christian who's different from you - they probably have a window on God that has shown them something that you may have missed from your window. You can learn so much from children! In fact, their perspective on life is one Jesus told us we should all have. You can learn so much from your critics, even though it's not much fun. Your critic sees something that may be a blind spot for you. Even if he's only 10% right, consider that 10%. There must be something there that makes your critic reach that conclusion.

If you're married, I hope you're letting your mate be your teacher. If you'll lower your defenses and stifle your pride, you'll find your husband or wife has so much to give you. You can learn from your parents if you'll just listen and ask questions. Listen to your family ... learn from your family. God gave them to you for them to learn from you, and for you to learn from them.

I wonder if the people around you would call you a teachable person, or a person who is stubborn and closed and always talking, seldom listening? Open up your heart, open your life to the people around you. Let them be your teachers. You'll get something different from each one, like a bee gathering pollen from each flower. And people will really think you're smart - because you treat them as if they're smart. Life is boring when you're standing still. And the man or woman who sees every person as someone to learn from is never standing still. The wisest people in the world get that way from opening up to a thousand teachers!

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

*

from A Word With You by Ron Hutchcraft #3823 · Ron Hutchcraft via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Moronic Fallout

As the squad stood in formation at the Naval Air Station, the flight instructor growled, "All right, all you worthless morons fall out!" As the rest of the squad wandered away, one pilot in training remained at attention. Without a word, the instructor walked over until he was eyeball-to-eyeball with the courageous young Marine. Cocking an eyebrow, he demanded, "SO?" The threatened pilot-to-be smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, wasn't there, sir?"

_________________

Source/Attribution: From www.cleanlaffs.com [20 June 2001]; edited for use, SIEW

from Gillmartin's Sermon-illustrations-each-week (SIEW) · www.cleanlaffs.com via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database confidence

Jerks of the Bible Teach Teens

Jerks are everywhere. They cut us off on the interstate, take the parking space that was rightfully ours, talk too loudly during a movie, hurt our feelings and make fun of us. They're at work and at home and in our classes, our clubs and our address books.

And they're in the Bible, author Margaret Brouillette notes.

In her book, "Famous Jerks of the Bible," Brouillette introduces a familiar cast of characters, which includes Judas, Samson, Saul (father of Jonathan) and Jonah. But the book - penned as an interactive Bible study designed for teens -- takes a sharp turn away from the familiar approach to these classic tales to get its message across.

"It's a message of wisdom and choices," Brouillette said. "Biblical righteousness doesn't just happen. The Bible tells us to fear God and do good. I think there's a window between 12 and 18 where we make many choices, so that's why it was important for me to focus on teens."

For Brouillette, the goal of Famous Jerks of the Bible wasn't to retell the stories of these characters, but to present them in such a way that teens could recognize their own character flaws and, in the process, learn how to be people of God.

"A lot of the character flaws have to do with choices," Brouillette said. "There are things we can avoid, but I also think that there is a self-control issue ... an important issue for teens."

In writing the book, Brouillette said she also studied the qualifications and character traits needed to be a good church leader. "I think that the character traits I looked at in Jerks are the opposite [of what is needed]," she observed. "These are people who broke all the rules."

In her book, Brouillette allows the rule-breakers to tell their own stories. Each chapter takes on a new character and a new character flaw, whether it's Nebuchanezzar's conceit, Pharaoh's passion for power or Saul's disobedience. After each character's first-person account, Brouillette follows with a short evaluation and Bible study.

The decision to approach the book this way wasn't an accident, she said. "I thought it was very important for me to try to understand what made that person tick," the author said of the Bible characters discussed in her book. "I really had to read and re-read their stories, because otherwise it's very easy to make judgments from outside and not understand what the real problem is."

Understanding the real problems and issues that teens face was an important part of why Brouillette wrote Famous Jerks of the Bible.

"I think these stories have been told and retold in a kind of classical way ... but these character flaws go on today," Brouillette said. "I tried very hard to be accurate, but retell the stories in a language we understand today. I don't think teens are very interested in repeating the same pat answers. Life is gritty, and God can meet us in the grit. He's where the rubber hits the road."

Brouillette hopes her book will help lead teens down the right road -- God's road -- by helping them learn to dig into the Bible and its stories to find important life lessons. More than that, she wants them to learn what's important to God.

"Character issues matter to God," Brouillette said. "Traditions and human judgments don't."

And maybe, she said, the book will help create a world with a few less jerks.

*

A Really Bad Day

Michael Anthone Jacobs, 18, allegedly committed a string of robberies in Mesa, Arizona. But things didn't go particularly well, witnesses say. At the first robbery, he dropped his gun -- and it broke. At the second, he had to pause during his getaway to use an asthma inhaler. On his third, he found his keys locked inside his getaway car. Once he drove away, he was pulled over by the police because he was driving at night without his headlights. He was arrested and charged with three robberies, and is a suspect in two others.

(AP)

from Email · Associated Press via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Identify Yourself

1999 Darwin "Natural Selection" Awards - Criminal Section, Runner-up # 8

Colorado Springs, Colorado:

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put that in the bag as well, but he refused and said "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.

At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he had got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Definitely the Wrong Party

Leonard Garland and David DeCristofaro, both 20, saw a lot of cars parked on a street in Ashland, Massachusetts. Figuring it was a party they “crashed” it. Indeed there was a party and, witnesses say, Garland asked one of the hosts if he wanted to “get high.” The host asked if he had something to get high with, and Garland and DeCristofaro produced psychedelic mushrooms and cocaine. They also chatted about a local “jerk” narcotics cop, Matt Gutwill, who the duo didn't like because he was so effective at arresting drug dealers. It was about then that the host identified himself -- as narcotics officer Matt Gutwill -- and arrested them.

“The look on their faces was like they saw death knocking on their door,” said Gutwill, who was wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with “Burlington Police Academy” at the time. It wasn't difficult to detain the two men: most of the 20 people at the party were cops. “I've met a lot of dumb drug dealers,” Gutwill said later, “but none this dumb.”

______________

Framingham Metrowest Daily News

from Internet · Framingham Metrowest Daily News via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database crime

Caught In the Act

Job 18:8

A thief in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, broke into a glue factory and stole several cans of glue. On his way out he stopped to sniff the glue,

passed out, dropped the glue, fell down and became stuck to the factory

floor.

__________

Source: The Oregonian, Copyright (c) October 23, 2002,

http://www.oregonian.com/; submitted by Barbara Henry

*

The Wilderness Is Way Too Wild

Job 40

Comments on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:

“A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”

“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”

“Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”

“Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”

“Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”

“All the mile markers are missing this year.”

“Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.”

“Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”

“Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”

“Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”

“Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”

“The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”

“Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.”

“Need more signs to keep area pristine.”

“A McDonald's would be nice at the trail head.”

“The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”

“Too many rocks in the mountains.”

“A big hotel with a golf course and even a convention center would attract more people to this natural beauty.”

“I like all the trees but you need to plant some flowers. Flower gardens would be so pretty in the forest.”

“I was stung by a bee; you should have warning signs.”

“It would be nice to have the Kodak scenic markers so we could identify the photographic sites.”

“More families would enjoy the parks and city children could learn more about nature if the Parks Department would provide services that include arcades, water slides and child care.”

“The giant trees are spectacular but there are too many of the same kind; you should plant different types, for variety.”

“You should have a petting zoo here so that the children could touch the squirrels, deer and bears.”

__________

Roshan's Humour List

*

[Original illustration at this number duplicated material at HolwickID #18837]

Over the Limit

While we normally don't concern ourselves with speeding arrests, we're making an exception in the case of one Dr. William Faenza. The 35-year-old New York City man was arrested in August 2003 after Pennsylvania cops clocked his 1997 Lamborghini Diablo going a remarkable 182 mph on State Road 443 (a 55 mph zone). According to the criminal complaint, a tipsy Faenza was not only moving at Jeff Gordon speeds, he was driving recklessly and sped away from pursuing cops. After getting stuck in traffic at about 6 PM, Faenza, a research chemist who was in the area visiting family, refused police orders to exit the blue sports car, but finally relented and “stumbled out of the vehicle.” Faenza failed a field sobriety test, which cops administered after smelling booze on his breath and noting that his eyes were bloodshot. Faenza is now facing a variety of charges, including driving under the influence, resisting arrest, and reckless driving.

Some People Never Learn

Luke 11:40

Several days after getting out of jail, where he had served time for drunk driving and other charges, Ronald A. Mahner stopped at the Seminole County (Florida) Sheriff's Office to pick up his personal belongings. He provided his driver's license as identification. A clerk checked him in the computer and found the license had been revoked for life. She sent a co-worker to get the license number on the car he was driving. The car, which Mahner had parked in a fire lane, was reported stolen the day Mahner got out of jail. He was arrested as he tried to get back in the car.

____________

Orlando Sentinel

from This Is True · Orlando Sentinel via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

I Promise That I Won't Do Anything Stupid

Luke 11:40

Donald Sebastian imagined himself to be a law enforcement marshal.

One day, he was going about in his car, “with several antennas on it and a marshal's baseball cap in the rear dash”, dressed in uniform, complete with a gun, when another car crossed his path. Sebastian got that driver to stop, and did what officers are trained to: He called the police for backup.

When a cop came in response, Sebastian introduced himself as “canine officer” and drove away. It was only later that the cops found that marshal's service did not have a canine officer. Thereafter, it didn't take too much effort to nab Sebastian, aged 54, on charges of impersonating a federal agent.

During inquiry, what they found was that Sebastian could not achieve his dream of becoming a marshal owing to his criminal record — 29 arrests since 1975, including state and federal gun convictions. He told the investigators how it made him feel special to put on the marshal's uniform, even though he couldn't function as one. They found his home full of marshal service accessories, such as business cards, shirts, jackets, leather gloves and so on.

What puzzled the cops was that most people who impersonated an officer did so to commit a crime, but this guy was different. When they asked Sebastian why, he replied that he played the trick as a “way of giving back to the community.” According to a report in THE PLAIN DEALER (“Ohio's Largest Newspaper”), when the case came up for hearing, the U.S. Magistrate David Perelman was not amused: “You're lucky you didn't mess with the wrong person and get your darn fool head blown off,” he told Sebastian. “Did the thought ever occur to you that you could end up dead from nonsense like this?”

A few days back, there was drama in the courtroom: Sebastian had to read “with sincerity” a note that read: “I promise that I won't do anything stupid.” This, the magistrate felt was better than putting him in pre-trial detention. “If I can't lock him up, I'll embarrass him,” Perelman had said.

He also added that the note should be put where Sebastian can see it every morning. That must be the mirror on top of the washbasin, perhaps.

“If Mr Sebastian is a danger to anyone, he is a danger to himself,” Perelman is reported to have said. That comment, however, could apply to many.

It is a different issue altogether whether ultimately there would be one more jailing to add to Sebastian's track record.

*

Plane Stupid

Luke 11:40

When Louis Kadlecek turned 21, he went on a bender, drinking for four days straight. He was familiar with the Brazoria County (Texas) Airport, since that’s where he performed community service after “one of his previous arrests.” He went there, broke into several hangers and stole a plane.

Kadlecek, who had never flown a plane before, loaded it with a case of stolen beer, threw the instruction manual on the seat beside him, and took off. Within a mile he hit twin 100,000-volt power lines. The first one snapped and knocked out electricity to two towns. The second one caught his plane and sent it tail-first into a muddy field.

Louis was pretty loose, and crawled out of the plane unharmed. The airport’s director said, “If stunt pilots tried 1,000 times to do the same thing, they would have been killed 999 times.”

Kadlecek blamed poor airport security for his actions. “If there had even been a tall chain link fence with barbed wire on top of it, I would have just turned around and went on home,” he claimed. The jury didn’t buy it, and he got six years in prison. Apparently he didn’t believe it himself because when the police came for him, he had his toothbrush in hand.

Many of us need fences. The Ten Commandments provides this kind of boundary but it is no guarantee you won’t be stupid. Even fences with barbed wire can be overcome.

________

See also http://www.foxnews.com/story/2004/03/05/drunken-pilot-is-plane-stupid/ and http://forums.jetphotos.net/showthread.php?t=14259

Dumb Warning Labels, Part 2

You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a spilled cup of coffee. However, there are many other silly lawsuits involving products that have received far less attention. For example, did you know a man received $50,000 when he sued a small company that makes basketball nets because he claimed the company was responsible when he caught his teeth in a net while dunking a ball? People who make products hear about these outrageous lawsuits, and they often decide to slap common sense warnings on their product... “just in case.”

In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) began a contest to expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about potential frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural phenomenon: the wacky warning label.

Over the years, M-LAW has received hundreds of warning labels from people around the world. M-LAW verifies the authenticity of each label and selects the “Top 5” for each year.

Following is a list of some of the best labels from the first five contests:

A container of underarm deodorant says, “Caution: Do not spray in eyes”

• A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”

• A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”

• A label with a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping”

• A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”

• A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”

• A Bathroom Heater says: “This product is not to be used in bathrooms”

• A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”

• A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”

• A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”

• A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.

________

Submitted by John L. Hoh, Jr., http://www.geocities.com/hohjohn/

*

Dumb Bank Robber

Ronnie Darnell Bell, 30, was arrested in Dallas in 1998 and charged with attempting, all alone, to rob the Federal Reserve Bank. (In the movie “Die Hard with a Vengeance,” knocking off the New York Federal Reserve Bank required a small army of men and truckloads of weapons.) According to police, Bell was initially confused because there were no tellers, so he handed a security guard his note, reading, “This is a bank robbery of the Dallas Federal Reserve Bank, of Dallas, Texas, give me all the money. Thank you, Ronnie Darnell Bell.” The guard pushed a silent alarm while an oblivious Bell chatted amiably, revealing to the guard that only minutes earlier he had tried to rob a nearby Postal Service office but that “they threw me out.”

________

Dallas Morning News, February 27, 1998

from News Of The Weird · Chuck Shepherd via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Agnostics Are Ignoramuses

Spurgeon told of an individual who approached him, proundly announcing, “I'm an agnostic.”

“Oh,” noted Spurgeon, “that's a Greek word isn't it? The Latin word for that, I believe, is ignoramus.”

Later Spurgeon wrote, “He did not like that at all. Yet I only translated his language from Greek to Latin. These are queer waters to get into, when your philosophy brings you only the confession that you know nothing, and enables you to glory in your ignorance.”

________

Submitted by Craig Watters, Senior Pastor, First Baptist Church of Louisville, Colorado

*

Moros

1 Corinthians 1:18

In our daily use also, the words “foolishness,” ”folly” and “fool” all have negative meanings. A person who acts in a childish manner might be called foolish.

And it's considered foolish when we do something that needlessly brings harm upon ourselves - like getting drunk, or taking drugs.

Foolishness is also what we call it when someone refuses to accept what seems obvious to everyone else, and stubbornly holds onto their plans against the good advice of caring friends.

But when we begin to talk about the cross, the meaning seems to change, or at least it appears that foolishness isn't such a bad thing after all. “For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18)

Let's clarify one thing. Paul is not saying here that the “activity” of preaching is foolish. The NIV helps us with the translation “message”. Actually, the word used is “logos”, elsewhere simply translated “word”.

But why is the “message of the cross” considered to be foolish?

It might help to understand where this word “moros” comes from. It probably comes from a derivative of the word “muo”, which literally means “to shut the mouth” - it carries the idea of “mystery”. The relationship with “foolish” is that it refers to those things which hidden, and not obvious to the understanding. “The secret counsels which govern God in dealing with the righteous, which are hidden from ungodly and wicked men, but plain to the godly.”

So it's not “foolish” as we would think about “silliness”, or lacking reason, or mental instability.

It's just that the “Greeks” don't get it. But who are the “Greeks”? Simply those who do not believe. What we have to realize is that faith comes first, then understanding. “I believe, therefore I understand.”

That Jesus died on the cross outside of Jerusalem is a fact of history. But - so did a lot of other people. In fact there have been millions who have died the martyr's death. So why is the death of Jesus different? The world would say, there is no difference. It's “unreasonable”, i.e., “foolish” to think otherwise. But the person of faith says, “Jesus' death on the cross may seem foolish to others, but to me it makes perfectly good sense. Not only that, it is God's power (dunamis) to save.” When the crucifixion and resurrection are both included in the “message of the cross”, it is the display of God's power to save us from our sins.

*

Idiots

Proverbs 1:22

Sermon in Proverbs series. Proverbs 1:22

IDIOTS

======

I. They are everywhere.

A. Dumb criminals:

B. Proverbs' definition of idiot.

II. Where idiots go wrong.

A. Their mouth. 17:28; 29:11

B. Their mind. 12:16; 14:16

C. Their actions. 14:1,9

D. Their destiny. 26:11; 18:7

III. Getting rid of stupidity.

A. The scientific approach.

B. The Bible approach. 1:7

IV. Wisdom matters.

A. Sad situation at the Roxbury Circle Motel.

B. Choose God's way of living.

from Condensed sermon outline (handout) by Rev. David Holwick · Rev. David Holwick, Serm06o.pco via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

The Pastor Tripped Over the Beer

Mom and dad baptized the first three boys Methodist. The youngest of four boys wasn’t baptized at all. I’ve always envied my youngest brother a little for never being forced to be baptized

We grew up in a small farming area of Ohio not too farm from Columbus. Once I got in school I figured it was time to give this God thing a try. Actually if the truth be known I started going to the Baptist church because Lisa Maria Yutzy went there and I had a crush on her. Reverend Night was a nice man and all and I was genuinely giving this God thing, this belief thing a try.

My dad was a hard working man and he figured Levi’s work shoes, white sock and a tee-shirt were fine for work and play then they were fine for wearing to church also. Reverend Night didn’t see it that way and pointed out my dress one day in Sunday school in front of the whole class. I stopped going to church at that very moment.

Reverend Night decided to stopped over to our house one Saturday to see why I stopped going to church. When Reverend Night walked through the front door my dad was doing exactly what he did every Saturday during football season. He had two cases of Burger beer sitting by the couch and the game on. Reverend Night fell over the cases of beer.

Reverend Night spent the next twenty minutes telling my mother and father and all four of us boys how we were sinners and we were going to hell if we didn’t start living God’s plan.

Once Reverend Night was done I swore at him and told him that he was not welcome in our home and that I would never enter his church again.

From that point on I decided that God and belief in anything had to be a individual journey and a very personal experience.

I figured church and structured religion was just not the way to go about finding anything out, at least not for me. I have never regretted my decision.

If there were a line that was giving out the meaning of faith I would be the first one in line but here are no lines giving out faith and it takes at least fifty years of a life to finally figure out that faith is oneself is the only form of faith that will allow everything else to make sense.

A wise man is an older man that has lived through his mistakes. A fool is that same young man that died from those same mistakes.

from www.thisibelieve.org; National Public Radio, Morning Edition: This I Believe · Michael; Columbus, Ohio via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database rebukefool

How Was Your Day Today?

Amos 5:19

The bad part: an unidentified 39-year-old man in Moenchengladbach, Germany, lost his keys. The good part: he was pretty sure he had accidentally tossed them into a public trash bin with some papers. The bad part: it had a narrow opening, and the top doesn’t come off easily. The good part: he could fit his head and arm into the opening. The bad part: he got so stuck he couldn’t move. The good part: a friend happened by, and called the fire brigade to come help. The bad part: they couldn’t get him out either, so they widened the hole and shoved him the rest of the way in. The bad part: it took another half-hour before they were able to get the top off. The good part: by the time he finally emerged, he had found his keys.

________

AFP

from This Is True · Randy Cassingham via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Danger: Avoid Death

Here are some words to live by, from a warning label on a small tractor: “Danger: Avoid Death.”

That warning is the winner of the 11th annual “Wacky Warning Label Contest,” sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. The contest is part of an effort to show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, a Detroit suburb, won the $500 grand prize for submitting the tractor’s “Danger: Avoid Death” label.

The $250 second place prize went to Carrianne, Jacob and Robby Turin of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, for a label they found on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Massachusetts, earned the $100 third-place prize for a label on a baby stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns: “Do not put child in bag.”

Contest organizer Bob Dorigo Jones says the silly labels reflect how broken the U.S. civil justice system is. “Predatory lawyers know they can file ridiculous lawsuits against innocent product makers and blackmail them into a cash settlement - even in cases in which a user has ignored common sense,” Dorigo Jones said.

Honorable mention went to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City for a label on a letter opener that says: “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”

Ann Marie Young of Fillmore, N.Y., took the second honorable mention for a warning she found which cautions users: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.”

The Police Car Didn't Need A Lawman To Do Its Job

Job 18:5

A man who broke into as many as nine cars was arrested after he chose the wrong target: an unmarked Ocoee, Florida, police vehicle. Lake County sheriff’s deputies say the thief took a Taser, a baton, two pair of handcuffs, a magazine for a police pistol, and other items. Investigators discovered that when the thief found the Taser, he accidentally discharged it, shocking himself. Then, he “locked the handcuffs on himself and had to call the Clermont Police Department to respond to release him,” reports say. Shane Thomas Williams-Allen, 19, was arrested before he could accidentally beat himself with the baton.

________

Orlando Sentinel

from This Is True · Randy Cassingham via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

I Dunno, What Do You Wanna Do?

Two 17-year-old cousins in Plymouth, Wisconsin, wondered what it would be like to be shot. The two decided to shoot themselves to find out, until a 34-year-old relative stepped in and put a stop to it -- by offering to do it for them. Each sought medical treatment after being shot in the leg, and the older man was arrested.

________

Associated Press

from Internet: This Is True (…-admin@lyris.net) [don't Distribute] · Randy Cassingham via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

I'll Wait

John 10:10

An unidentified 80-year-old man, out walking near his home in Summerton, N.C., was stopped by a man in a car who demanded money at knife point. The victim said he didn't have any money on him, but he did at home, so the robber offered to give him a ride. After arriving at his home, the victim went inside and called police as the robber waited in the car for him to bring out the cash. Police dispatchers could hear the robber impatiently honking his horn over the telephone. The car's 54-year-old driver was arrested and charged with kidnapping and attempted armed robbery.

________

The Sumpter, NC, Item

...The Bad News: robbers expect drive-up window service. The Good News: cops still pick up.

from Internet: This Is True (…-admin@lyris.net) [don't Distribute] · Randy Cassingham via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database fool

Fill 'Er Up!

Construction workers in Dublin, California, watched a man drive up in a new-looking Volvo to their cement truck. He "asked the concrete workers to fill him up for a job he was doing," a police spokesman says. While the driver remained behind the wheel, the workers aimed the concrete chute through the window and did as he asked. He then drove away with wet concrete filling the inside of the car up to the steering wheel. Police say they are "at a loss to explain the case." (Fremont Argus)

Cassingham: It's not so odd. The man found the car in his driveway. It belongs to his wife's boyfriend.

==============

From This Is True site:

Readers wondered, is this story REALLY true? Several insisted it was impossible: the concrete would weigh too much for a car. The lye would burn the man. He wouldn’t be able to operate the pedals.

Another group noted that it was an old urban legend/joke. I didn’t RECALL seeing such a joke until after the story was out and I found it on Snopes, but I HAVE seen just about every joke that ever went around on the ‘net, so perhaps a subconscious memory is why my tagline and the joke’s punchline are extremely similar. But the entire argument is silly. By saying “it’s just an old urban legend,” these readers seem to be saying it’s therefore IMPOSSIBLE for such a scenario to ever happen in real life. Yeah, right. Doesn’t it make more sense to suppose, when confronted with real evidence like this, that someone may have been inspired by a good joke -- life imitating art? That sounds a LOT more plausible!

Therefore, I’ve been keeping my eye out for updates on the story to help corroborate it, and the OAKLAND TRIBUNE has made my wait pay off. In a 20 August 2002 story, the TRIBUNE notes “he’s been spotted again -- this time on Thursday in Brentwood, across the street from a site he had already visited in May.”

Foreman Ruben Gaytan said Superintendent Bobby Garrigan spoke to the man, who asked for some asphalt. The man had previously been seen driving a maroon Volvo, but this time he was behind the wheel of an early ‘70s, white Oldsmobile station wagon, Gaytan said. “They asked him if he was ‘the concrete guy,’” Gaytan said. “He said, ‘Yes.’”

Gaytan said he recognized the man -- because he was on the job when “The Concrete Guy” visited a construction site in May. At that time, he tried to get construction workers to fill his car with asphalt -- and Gayton said he looked inside the car and saw, he estimated, 800-900 pounds of concrete. He refused the request for asphalt, saying they didn’t want liability for burning him with the hot material. He said Concrete Guy was “filthy and had concrete smeared all over him.” Another story I found mentioned he had concrete smeared on the steering wheel, all over the passenger seat and on his legs and hands. “There was concrete on the steering wheel and all over the passenger seat, forcing the man to sit awkwardly.” One foreman noted, “It didn’t look too comfortable, to say the least.” Concrete Guy is described as skinny, blond, white, and in his 30s.

As for the car, construction workers say “the car leaned to the right because of the weight the concrete put on the car.” He has been reported at construction sites all over the San Francisco Bay Area, including Dublin, Fremont, Santa Clara and Tracy. His last known address was a homeless shelter in Santa Cruz.

Concrete Guy says the police have already caught up with him for a chat, but the police say the man is not in trouble -- he has committed no crime (which is apparently why newspapers are withholding his identity). So why is he doing this? Maybe Concrete Guy is in on the joke. He reportedly has told construction workers, “Well, I’m trying to get back at my ex-wife. She left me and took everything I have.”

Surely we haven’t heard the last of this guy. If nothing else, we want to hear from his ex-wife. At least, we hope she’s not a stiff....

from Internet: This Is True · Randy Cassingham via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Sermon: Saved From Stupid

Luke 11:31

Sermon on the mental mistakes Christians often make. Ephesians 5:15-17

SAVED FROM STUPID

=================

I. Stupid people are everywhere.

A. Actual crimes committed by actual criminals:

B. Stupidity isn't limited to criminals.

II. Don't believe stupid things.

A. Religious people are prone to this.

B. Uncritical acceptance of "proof."

III. Misguided approaches to faith.

A. Seeing too much good.

B. Seeing too many coincidences.

C. Seeing too many enemies.

D. Magical thinking.

IV. Don't believe the right things in a stupid way.

A. Be careful of speaking above your level of knowledge.

B. Don't say stupid things.

V. We are all stupid sometimes. Eccl 7:20

from Condensed sermon outline (handout) by Rev. David Holwick · Rev. David Holwick R via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database knowledgeignorance

Toilet Paper Turmoil

Job 20:26

According to Cheryl Crausewell, neighborhood kids “TP’d” her family’s Dora, Alabama, home, throwing rolls of toilet paper into a tree in their front yard. Crausewell and her son cleaned up as well as they could, but there was still some toilet paper stuck in the tree. So, Crausewell decided to burn it out — lighting the toilet paper with her lighter.

The wind blew a piece of burning paper into the yard. “It just popped out into a little patch and we tried to put it out and it just kept going, so I was trying to keep it from going down the front porch and came down the bank and around the back of the house,” Crausewell said. The fire spread into the backyard, where it’s believed a propane tank caught fire, and the house went up in flames.

Nobody was hurt, but the house was destroyed. “I just realize life is really precious,” Crausewell said. “I mean, you know that already but it just brings it home how precious life is and all these things really don’t matter.”

________

WBRC Birmingham

from This Is True internet newsletter · Mike Straw via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

The Five Universal Laws of Human Stupidity

Luke 11:40

In 1976, a professor of economic history at the University of California, Berkeley published an essay outlining the fundamental laws of a force he perceived as humanity’s greatest existential threat: Stupidity.

Stupid people, Carlo M. Cipolla explained, share several identifying traits: they are abundant, they are irrational, and they cause problems for others without apparent benefit to themselves, thereby lowering society’s total well-being. There are no defenses against stupidity, argued the Italian-born professor, who died in 2000. The only way a society can avoid being crushed by the burden of its idiots is if the non-stupid work even harder to offset the losses of their stupid brethren.

Let’s take a look at Cipolla’s five basic laws of human stupidity:

Law 1: Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.

No matter how many idiots you suspect yourself surrounded by, Cipolla wrote, you are invariably lowballing the total. This problem is compounded by biased assumptions that certain people are intelligent based on superficial factors like their job, education level, or other traits we believe to be exclusive of stupidity. They aren’t. Which takes us to:

Law 2: The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.

Cipolla posits stupidity is a variable that remains constant across all populations. Every category one can imagine — gender, race, nationality, education level, income — possesses a fixed percentage of stupid people. There are stupid college professors. There are stupid people at Davos and at the UN General Assembly. There are stupid people in every nation on earth. How numerous are the stupid amongst us? It’s impossible to say. And any guess would almost certainly violate the first law, anyway.

Law 3. A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.

Cipolla called this one the Golden Law of stupidity. A stupid person, according to the economist, is one who causes problems for others without any clear benefit to himself.

The uncle unable to stop himself from posting fake news articles to Facebook? Stupid. The customer service representative who keeps you on the phone for an hour, hangs up on you twice, and somehow still manages to screw up your account? Stupid.

This law also introduces three other phenotypes that Cipolla says co-exist alongside stupidity. First there is the intelligent person, whose actions benefit both himself and others. Then there is the bandit, who benefits himself at others’ expense. And lastly there is the helpless person, whose actions enrich others at his own expense. Cipolla imagined the four types along a graph, like this:

STUPIDITY, graphed

benefits +

to others ▲

helpless │ intelligent

people │ people

- ◄▬▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬— ineffectual ▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—▬—► +

Losses people benefits

to themselves │ to themselves

STUPID │ bandits

PEOPLE │

losses ▼

to others ▬

The non-stupid are a flawed and inconsistent bunch. Sometimes we act intelligently, sometimes we are selfish bandits, sometimes we act helplessly and are taken advantage of by others, and sometimes we’re a bit of both. The stupid, in comparison, are paragons of consistency, acting at all times with unyielding idiocy.

However, consistent stupidity is the only consistent thing about the stupid. This is what makes stupid people so dangerous. Cipolla explains:

Essentially stupid people are dangerous and damaging because reasonable people find it difficult to imagine and understand unreasonable behavior. An intelligent person may understand the logic of a bandit. The bandit’s actions follow a pattern of rationality: nasty rationality, if you like, but still rationality. The bandit wants a plus on his account. Since he is not intelligent enough to devise ways of obtaining the plus as well as providing you with a plus, he will produce his plus by causing a minus to appear on your account. All this is bad, but it is rational and if you are rational you can predict it. You can foresee a bandit’s actions, his nasty maneuvres and ugly aspirations and often can build up your defenses.

With a stupid person all this is absolutely impossible as explained by the Third Basic Law. A stupid creature will harass you for no reason, for no advantage, without any plan or scheme and at the most improbable times and places. You have no rational way of telling if and when and how and why the stupid creature attacks. When confronted with a stupid individual you are completely at his mercy.

All of which leads us to:

Law 4: Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.

We underestimate the stupid, and we do so at our own peril. This brings us to the fifth and final law:

Law 5: A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.

And its corollary: A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.

We can do nothing about the stupid. The difference between societies that collapse under the weight of their stupid citizens and those who transcend them are the makeup of the non-stupid. Those progressing in spite of their stupid possess a high proportion of people acting intelligently, those who counterbalance the stupid’s losses by bringing about gains for themselves and their fellows.

Declining societies have the same percentage of stupid people as successful ones. But they also have high percentages of helpless people and, Cipolla writes, “an alarming proliferation of the bandits with overtones of stupidity.”

“Such change in the composition of the non-stupid population inevitably strengthens the destructive power of the [stupid] fraction and makes decline a certainty,” Cipolla concludes. “And the country goes to Hell.”

________

This post originally appeared on Quartz and was published April 29, 2017.

Humanity Isn’t A Problem To Solve

Job 25:6

Pixar’s Wall-E has proven to be among the most profound and prophetic films of the last 20 years. After hopelessly polluting the Earth and leaving an army of robots to clean up the planet, humans now live aboard a giant ship built by a company that promises to take care of all its passengers’ needs. Thus, humans are left with nothing to do but amuse themselves and eat a lot.

Many Christians wrote off the Pixar classic because of its hyper-environmentalist message. However, the film’s commentary on human exceptionalism and vocation, specifically the inability of our machines to do our most important work for us, was spot-on. In the world of Wall-E, human beings have a purpose, or a telos that cannot be reduced to maximizing comfort, safety, and convenience.

In the biblical account of reality, humans exist to glorify and love God, and to serve as His special representatives and co-rulers in creation. Human inventions should help towards achieving those ends, extending our abilities, and mitigating the effects of the Fall. Wanting to replace ourselves with our devices assumes that humanity is the central problem of the world that needs to be solved.

Recently in First Things, Matthew Crawford argued that an anti-human worldview like the one parodied in Wall-E now dominates our tech and governing classes. Those who are behind everything from smartphone apps to pandemic policy share a basic belief that human beings are inferior to machines. We are, as he puts it, “stupid,” “obsolete,” “fragile,” and “hateful.”

Crawford opens his essay with an example of a driverless car created by Google that froze at a four-way stop. Apparently, the drivers around the car didn’t behave as it had been programmed to expect. However, rather than admit the limits of the car’s “artificial intelligence,” one Google engineer remarked that what he’d learned from the incident is that humans need to be “less idiotic.” The premise is that humans are not the crown of creation but problems to be solved.

Of course, it is quite possible that, once they’ve worked out all the bugs, driverless cars will lead to less accidents and road deaths. However, one of the bugs to be worked out are the programmers who hate humans, which makes the point of this essay ring true. So much of our high-tech culture, from the social media algorithms that tell us what we want to the transhumanist fantasies about uploading our consciousness to computers, assumes that humanity is an obstacle to be overcome.

Much of our public life also assumes the basic idiocy and inadequacy of humans: take health officials more concerned with controlling people than limiting the spread of a virus or legislation quashing parental rights in order to “affirm” gender-confused minors.

C.S. Lewis saw this impulse decades ago and recognized how it would grant growing power to certain people over and above others. In his masterpiece The Abolition of Man, Lewis warned of those he called “conditioners,” who considered themselves above such common human frailties. Of course, as Lewis pointed out, the conditioners are also human, but in denial that they too are vulnerable to the same frailties as everyone else. Their danger lies in the fact that they are oblivious about their frailties, especially their moral frailties.

It is good that humans have bodies that limit us to one location and the need for food, sleep, and friendship. These limits are part of our design. Because we are designed, we must be guided by values and not merely algorithms. It is good that we take time to learn, to appreciate beauty, to feel wonder, and to have burning questions about what is behind all that we see. God made us this way, so that, eventually, our seeking would lead back to Him. Though He intends to redeem us from the ravages of sin, He never intends to optimize us into efficient machines. Apparently, He considers being human as something “good,” even “very good.” So much so, in fact, He took on flesh Himself.

Wall-E got it (mostly) right. Technology is good but needs a telos — a purpose for existing. That purpose cannot be to replace, transcend, or circumvent God’s good design for human beings.

In short, technology and public policy should be human-shaped, not the other way around.

________

Copyright (c) 2023 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BreakPoint" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.

from BreakPoint Commentary · John Stonestreet & Shane Morris via Kerux Sermon and Illustration Database

Everything we make is available for free because of a generous community of supporters.

Donate