Sermon Illustrations on Anger — page 3

Venting Anger

We've often been told to vent our anger, to get it out of our system. Not so, says Carol Tavris in her book, {Anger, The Misunderstood Emotion.} "Sometimes the best thing you can do about anger is nothing at all. Let it go, and half the time it will turn out to be an unimportant momentary shudder, quickly forgotten. The other half of the time, keeping quiet gives you time to cool down and decide whether the matter is worth discussing or not."

Dr. Tavris, a social scientist and faculty member of the New School for Social Research in New York, added, "The bottom line in learning how to handle this most important human of emotions is making a moral choice." She concludes, "The question is, 'What kind of person do I want to be?'"

The wise writer of Proverbs knew this a long time ago, when he said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but a grievous words stir up anger" Prov 15:1

Jack Gulledge, Ideas and Illustrations for Inspirational Talks, (Nashville: Broadman Press, 1986), pp. 6-7

Hostility Can Lead To An Early Death

In his book "Ideas and Illustrations for Inspirational Talks," Jack Gulledge quotes Dr. Redford B. Williams Jr., a Duke University scientist, who said the studies “suggest that an awful lot of premature mortality may be associated with hostility.”

Williams wrote that hostility and anger may be a dangerous key component of the heart attack-prone type-A individual - ambitious, impatient men and women.

“Half of the American population is considered type-A, and the incident of heart disease in this type is five times higher among hostile people than those who are more relaxed.”

________

Jack Gulledge, Ideas and Illustrations for Inspirational Talks (Nashville: Broadman Press, 1986), p. 6.

(untitled)

Uncontrolled anger often leads to irrational behavior.

Friday was a normal day at First National Bank in Homestead,

Florida, until Wayne Rogers came along. Rogers, a customer, drove

into one of the drive-through lanes to make a withdrawal. He and the

teller had a lengthy discussion about a check not clearing. As the

discussion went on, Rogers became more and more irritated. He finally

gave up and asked if he could close out his account. The teller told

him he could but he would have to see the manager inside. Rogers said

he would like that; but the problem was, the inside was closed.

At that point, Rogers backed up his truck, headed for the front

door, crashed through the glass, parked his truck, and walked in to

see the manager. When the police arrived, they found Rogers sitting

at the manager's desk.

"This is the story of a guy who had had it with the system," said

police corporal Doug Reece. "We can sympathize, but we don't drive

through banks. He got fed up, but he never got his money."

- {Fort Worth Star-Telegram, }7 September 1986, 1A

(untitled)

In Iceland there is a spring. Nothing will grow near it. Many

visitors go to see it and peer cautiously into its deep crater. Then,

to rouse the spring to action, they drop in a stone. Soon a gurgling

sound is heard, and up shoots a column of dirty boiling water,

carrying with it sticks, mud, and stones. I know another spring. It

lies like a mirror framed in grasses and heather among the moorland

hills, lifting its face to heaven, and reflecting God's beautiful sun

and clouds. Drop a stone, and there is no angry response. Only for a

monent is the reflection broken; then the stone is taken into its

bosom, and peace is restored. Many people resemble one or other of

these two springs. Provoke some, throw them an unkind, or even a

teasing, word, and in a moment they boil over with passion and

resentment. Others, like the quiet mountain spring, just tremble a

little, then hide the hurt within their heart, keeping their own

spirit sweet and calm. It is the "soft answer" that "turneth away

wrath."

- J.A. Clark, Leicester, England

(untitled)

The Quaker's habit of calm sometimes deceives onlookers as to his

real feelings. There was an occasion on which Mrs. Abigail Gray's

peaceful countenance aroused resentment in the heart of her niece, one

of "the world's people." "I don't see how you could sit there Aunt

Abigail, and hear that man talk, and never look as if you cared," she

said tearfully, referring to a late interview with an unprincipled

shopkeeper; "there I was boiling, and not even so much as one of your

cap ruffles stirred." "If thee could have seen far enough below the

capruffles," replied Mrs. Gray, sedately, "thee would have seen that I

was boiling also, but without steam, my child." We may feel grieved

at injustices and persecutions - but it is our privilege to keep the

spirit in perfect control.

- Nettie Newell Annable, East Troy, PA, from {The Youth's

Companion}

(untitled)

Proverbs 15:18

One of the South's leading business men relates the following as

his own experience: "My father was invalid, and as his son it felt to

me to manage his affairs. On one occasion I had more than the usual

amount of overseeing to do, and I asked father, who was able to be

about a little, if he would do the choirs around the home that day

while I finished up my work on the lower farm. He assented, but when

I returned late, tired and worn, he told me that he had not done what

he promised to do. The hot words were just ready to leap out, but

somehow I choked them back, and said, "It's all right, father, I'm not

so very tired after all," and I started off, when father called me

back, and laying his hand on my head, he siad, "George, you're the

best son a father ever had; God bless you." I went to my tasks and

performed them. When I returned my father could not speak to me - he

was done with all earthly tasks - but from that day to this, whenever

the temptation to anger has come, I have felt the pressure of his hand

upon my head."

- {The Sunday School Times}

\reference{Proverbs 15:18}{Proverbs 15:18}

(untitled)

Sometimes anger is explosive, and it takes no account of who gets

hurt. Someone said, "I explode, and then it's all over."

"Yes," said a friend, "just like a shotgun, but look at the damage

left behind."

This is the kind of anger that was released on a golf course in

Sebastopol, California, several years ago.

Christopher Chappel was late for his golf date. He rushed to join

his foursome on the fourth hole. When he arrived, one of his teed-off

golfing buddies blew up and repeatedly clubbed him with a five-iron

and a seven-iron. He was taken to Palm Drive Hospital where he was

treated for a broken arm and a bruised kidney.

Police said Chappel refused to identify his attacker and did not

press charges because the assailant was his best friend.

- {Fort Worth Star-Telegram, }27 May, 1985, 7A

(untitled)

Proverbs 16:32

Dwight D. Eisenhower commanded an army and was president of the

United States. But when Eisenhower was a child, he had an explosive

temper.

Once when his parents did not let him do something with his older

brothers, he flew into a rage. He ran outside and began pounding his

fists into the trunk of an apple tree. The next thing he remembered

was his father grabbing him, shaking him, whipping him, and sending

him to his room without supper. Moments later his mother came in,

washed and bandaged his hands, and then read \reference{Proverbs

16:32}{Proverbs 16:32}: "He that is slow to anger is better than the

mighty."

At that moment Dwight Eisenhower made a decision that for the rest

of his life he would control his anger and his anger would not control

him. This was one of the most decisive moments of his life.

- David L. Chancey

Execute Your Old Nature

Colossians 3:1

Sermon in Colossians series. Colossians 3:1-11

EXECUTE YOUR OLD NATURE

=======================

I. Attitudes at an execution.

II. Change your focus. 3:1-4

A. Only union with Christ can break cycle of sin.

B. Jesus is coming back, and we will be with him.

III. Put to death what you once were. 3:5

A. Controlling your sexuality.

B. Greed.

C. Avoid the wrath of God. 3:6

IV. Control your thoughts and words. 3:8

A. Emotions.

B. Tongue - three laws for Christian speech.

C. Put off old, put on the new.

V. Put off old prejudices. 3:11

A. People divide themselves along many lines.

B. There should be unity in Jesus.

C. Be a reflection of Jesus, not society.

*

Woman Arrested in Grocery Store Flap

A woman was arrested for allegedly beating up another supermarket customer in Lowell, Massachusetts, who brought too many items into an express checkout line.

Karen Morgan, 38, punched and kicked a 51-year-old woman outside the store on Sunday, police said.

Morgan was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, her foot.

The victim, whose name was not released, said the dispute began when she accidentally brought 13 items into a 12-items-or-fewer checkout lane.

________

c 2002 The Associated Press

washingtonpost.com: Woman Arrested in Grocery Store Flap

Holy Anger

Ephesians 4:25

Holy Anger

Read: Ephesians 4:25-32

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. --Ephesians 4:26-27

Aristotle said, "Anybody can become angry--that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way--that is not easy!"

Ephesians 4:26 makes it clear that anger has a place in the Christian's life. In fact, the lack of it could indicate spiritual weakness. The Pulpit Commentary says that anger "arms the passions quickly against evil, and operates with the force and effectiveness of an instinct. If it is mingled with malice, it becomes sinful; but if it is associated with a holy disposition, it is safe and good. Jesus hated as well as loved. The two emotions hang for their life upon each other. They are but the two sides of one sublime emotion which turns life, so often insipid and dull, into a vivid, balanced, and joyful activity. So it is with anger. Under the inspiration of a holy nature, it may flash forth with a marvelous power against wickedness, untruth, and dishonor."

Becoming angry with someone because of personal resentment or envy is sinful. But a holy anger, aroused by injustice or evil, and accompanied by a sincere desire to see God's will performed, is both healthy and effective.

Lord, help us to be angry and sin not. --RWD

When anger springs up in my heart, dear Lord,

Because of the evil I see,

Just help me to channel the wrath that I feel

And do something noble through me. --JDB

The person who's not angry at evil lacks enthusiasm for good.

(untitled)

ANGER

A man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the wannabe robber ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The frustrated man stormed out of the restaurant.

Preaching Today

ANGER

(FORGIVENESS OF)

Bruce Goodrich was being initiated into the cadet corps at Texas A & M University. One night, Bruce was forced to run until he dropped -- but he never got up. Bruce Goodrich died before he even entered college.

A short time after the tragedy, Bruce's father wrote this letter to the administration, faculty, student body, and the corps of cadets: "I would like to take this opportunity to express the appreciation of my family for the great outpouring of concern and sympathy from Texas A & M University and the college community over the loss of our son Bruce. We were deeply touched by the tribute paid to him in the battalion. We were particularly pleased to note that his Christian witness did not go unnoticed during his brief time on campus."

Mr. Goodrich went on: "I hope it will be some comfort to know that we harbor no ill will in the matter. We know our God makes no mistakes. Bruce had an appointment with his Lord and is now secure in his celestial home. When the question is asked, 'Why did this happen?' perhaps one answer will be, 'So that many will consider where they will spend eternity.'"

Our Daily Bread

March 22, 1994

Razor-Sharp Buckles

In November 1996 Sports Illustrated reported a bizarre story of competitiveness gone too far. According to the magazine, in a New Mexico high school football game between Albuquerque Academy and St. Pius X on October 12, 1996, several of the Academy players found themselves with strange cuts, slashes, and scratches on their arms and hands. One boy was bleeding freely from three cuts that later required ten stitches to close. Another boy told his coaches, "It feels like they've got razor blades out there."

Well, almost. Referee Steve Fuller inspected the equipment of the opposing team. What he found on the helmet of the offensive center were two chin-strap buckles sharpened to a razor's edge. In the investigation that followed, the offending player's father, a pediatric dentist, admitted to milling the buckles. He had been angered in the previous game by what he thought was excessive head-slapping against his son by opposing linemen. This was his solution.

Sports Illustrated reported, "Several observers describe the father, who was working on the sideline chain gang during the Albuquerque Academy-St. Pius game, as a hothead. He was so vocal in his criticism of the officiating during St. Pius's game against Capital High on Sept. 28 that he was asked to leave the sideline crew."

Hatred and anger-they're as ugly and violent as those razor-sharp buckles.

________

Choice Contemporary Stories & Illustrations For Preachers, Teachers, & Writers

Craig Brian Larson, Baker Books, p. 115.

(untitled)

ANGER

(DESTROYS)

According to Edward Barnes in Time (3/14/94), a Sarajevo man named Pipo is a Bosnian Serb sniper who has shot down 325 individuals for the sake of revenge.

Before becoming a sniper, Pipo was a partner in a Sarajevo restaurant with a Muslim man. The two were friends as well as partners--until Pipo's mother was jailed and beaten by Muslims. Pipo recalls, "When she got out, she wouldn't talk about it. That's when I picked up a gun and began shooting Muslims. I hate them all."

Killing for revenge has changed Pipo. "All I know how to do is kill," he says. "I am not sure I am normal anymore. I can talk to people, but if someone pushes me, I will kill them.... In the beginning I was able to put my fear aside, and it was good. Then with the killings I was able to put my emotions aside, and it was good. But now they are gone."

After shooting 325 people, Pipo has no more fear, no remorse, no feelings at all. He states plainly, "I have no feelings for what I do. I went to see my mother in Belgrade, and she hugged me, and I felt nothing.

"I have no life anymore. I go from day to day, but nothing means anything. I don't want a wife and children. I don't want to think."

Vengeance consumes and destroys us.

Leadership Journal

The Happy Kind of Mad

Ephesians 4:25

Our daughter was gone for the morning and a friend had come to baby sit our two grandsons. She's a brave lady! Actually, she had a relatively problem-free, crisis-free morning - except for one time when she just had to reprimand our three-year old angel. Being a firstborn, he's very sensitive to being corrected. His later comment indicated that he had clearly recorded what was really a very gentle reprimand, the kind you do with a smile in your voice, not a snarl. But when Mom returned and asked our little guy how his morning with "Miss Wilma" had gone, he invented a new phrase to describe her correction - he said, "Miss Wilma got mad at me - she got happy mad."

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "The Happy Kind Of Mad."

I found the idea of being "happy mad" intriguing. And, in fact, the Bible actually describes a kind of "mad" that God considers, more or less, the "happy" kind. It's the kind that doesn't tear down the person on the other end.

God's description of "righteous" anger is both realistic and helpful - especially in Ephesians 4:25-27. That's our word for today from the Word of God. It says, "Laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

Apparently, it's possible to be angry with someone and deal with it in a way that isn't sinful - "happy mad," as my grandson might say. Sadly, we do a whole lot of sinning when we're angry. So we all need to know how to "be angry and yet not sin" as it says here. Righteous anger must first be truthful, not exaggerated. "Speak truth," as the Bible says. No exaggeration, no inflation, no stretching or embellishing the truth to make your point. Stick to the facts.

Secondly, righteous anger needs to be kind, not cruel. Two verses later we're told, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building others up..." (Ephesians 4:29) Nothing that will tear the other person down. God is calling us to express our frustration and anger in such a way that you attack the issue. You don't attack the person. So I'm not going to resort to calling you a name ... to belittling you. It means saying something like this: "What you said makes me feel like my feelings don't matter" - instead of saying, "You don't give a rip about how I feel, do you?" One sticks to the facts about how I'm feeling ... the other attacks and accuses you.

One other characteristic of righteous anger - it's short-lived, not stored up. "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." No day should ever end with you still angry. When you store it, it grows and deepens and turns into hard feelings and bitterness. All that can be avoided if you never "let the sun go down on your anger."

God knows we'll get angry - but He's spelled out for us a way to deal with it that doesn't leave scars, walls and regrets. Be honest ... be kind ... and get right to it. If there's such a thing as "happy mad," that's what it's like.

________________

*

(untitled)

Matthew 5:38

This record once included illustration now found only at HolwickID #18195

-----------------

Source/Attribution: John Gillmartin "It's Only Candy"

Read: Matthew 5:38-45

If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. --Matthew 5:40

At first the man was annoyed. But he became angry as groups of teenagers without costumes kept coming to his door shouting, "Trick or treat!"

"I'm not going to put up with this!" he announced to his wife. "If any more older kids without costumes show up tonight, they're not getting anything from me. And if they don't move on, I'll call the police."

As he talked, his face became red and his breathing rapid. His wife looked at him with a curious gaze and said, "George, it's only candy."

I've often pondered those three words: "It's only candy." That put the issue in perspective. How easily we become agitated over our rights, our property, and our preferences, only to be reminded that we have allowed something inconsequential to consume us.

The words of Jesus sound so strange to us: "If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two" (Mt. 5:40-41). The Lord wants us to respond to our circumstances in ways that reflect our trust in Him and our commitment to heaven's values.

So much of our anger could be avoided if we would only pause and say, "You're right, Lord. It's only candy." --DCM

THINKING IT OVER

Am I ever tempted to take justice into my own hands?

What do these verses from Proverbs say about anger?

Proverbs 15:1; 16:32; 19:11; 29:22

Always keep a cool head and a warm heart.

Five Injured in Road Rage Brawl

Tuesday August 7 8:06 AM ET

Five Injured in Road Rage Brawl

MONTREAL (Reuters) - Five people were injured in a case of road rage in Montreal involving a fight with golf clubs and crowbars, police said on Monday.

Montreal police officer Luc Belhumeur told Reuters that the brawl started late on Sunday night after a car cut off another one, then pulled into a private parking lot.

All seven occupants in both cars got involved in a fight with golf clubs and crowbars after arguing over the incident.

"Five of them were taken to a local hospital with minor injuries to the head, as well as lacerations. Two men and one woman in their mid-thirties and twenties were arrested on charges of assault with weapon," Belhumeur said, adding that they were to appear in a Montreal court on Monday.

Source: http://dailynews.yahoo.com/htx/nm/20010807/od/roadrage_dc_1.html

What's Eating Your Home

Hebrews 12:1

My wife Karen was waking up to a sound she hadn't heard before - and she couldn't identify. It sounded like crinkling cellophane - and it was coming from inside our bedroom walls! Now, somehow I missed this little symphony, but Karen sure picked up on it. Since we were pretty sure no one was actually crinkling cellophane in our walls, we looked into other possibilities. Like carpenter ants, for example. And sure enough, that's what it was! Those little marauders were feasting on the wood in our house ... and they were gradually eating our home! We didn't even have to think about what to do. "Hello, Mr. Exterminator?"

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A WORD WITH YOU today about "What's Eating Your Home."

Obviously, you need to take drastic measures when something is eating your home - including some invaders that do far more damage than some hungry, little bugs. There may be some forces that are eating away right now, not at the building you live in, but the family who lives in it!

You can hear some of the sounds of deterioration - the angry words that are causing such deep wounds ... or that chilly silence ... or the negativism. Far more comments on what people are doing wrong than what they're doing right ... the exasperation, the frustration over not being listened to. Don't ignore those "sounds in the walls". The longer you do, the harder it's going to be to repair the damage. If there's growing tension or growing distance, or growing hard feelings or frustration, then it's time for radical action. It's time to attack what's eating your home.

Our word for today from the Word of God may be a statement that you need to take as a charge for you and your family. It's from Hebrews 12:1. It says this, "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." Now if something is slowing you down or entangling you as a family, throw it off! Get rid of it! Or call the exterminator!

Maybe what's weakening your home is too much criticism ... maybe too little affection shown ... or maybe too little listening. Or it could be hypocrisy that's eating at your home - a big gap between the "church you" and then the you they see at home. Maybe there's favoritism or perfectionism that's driving everyone crazy. Or maybe your family is just feeling the effects of too little of your time ... of a schedule that often has no room for them in it?

But listen, will you, to the sounds of a home slowly being eaten away. It's time to take strong corrective action - to "throw off everything" that is hindering your family and the sin that is tripping them up. And let the change begin with you. Get to your knees and confess to your Lord the part that you've been playing in the problems at home. And ask Him to change you from a thermometer who reflects everything that's going on there, to a thermostat that sets a whole new temperature.

Where you've been wrong, tell your family. You won't lose their respect - you'll gain it. God says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:16) There are few words more healing than, "I was wrong." I wonder how many marriages could have been saved if someone could have said them ... or how many children. As this verse says, healing also comes when you begin to pray for each other-and for family healing. And if you need outside help, don't let your pride keep you from seeking that help.

Would you say to God, "Lord, I can hear the sounds of our home being slowly eaten away, and I want it to stop. I dedicate myself today to stopping it ... by stopping it in me first." Those bugs will destroy your home only one way - through your denial or your neglect. It's time for the exterminator - before any more damage is done.

________________

*

Gravity of Evil Requires the Duty of Indignation

John 2:15

In a relativistic, therapeutic society, it is not surprising that moral indignation and retribution have fallen on hard times. After all, who are we to judge? And how can we countenance bitterness?

Listening to talk radio a few days after the trauma of Sept. 11, I heard one caller give his testimony of mental healing. Someone had murdered his brother and, at the time, he wanted to kill the guy who did it. He had the same impulse when they acquitted the accused. But then he realized that none of this would bring his brother back, so he got over it. He thought this was good medicine for the United States -- we need to stop thinking retaliation, for it won't bring those folks back.

A second caller faulted our leaders for "having that male testosterone thing going." Just then I drove by a once-Baptist church, more excited about the Parliament of the World's Religions and the normalization of homosexuality than expository preaching and evangelism. The posted sermon title concerned "fighting our inward terrorist."

Back home, I turned on the television in time to see a young lady emerging from a candlelight service, rhetorically asking the interviewer, "We can't think of retribution, can we?" I turned to a stack of newspapers, where I found clerics and politicians condemning "vengeance" and "revenge."

Okay, okay. Yes, vengeance is the Lord's. Yes, anger can make you stupid. Yes, the fruit of the Spirit is gentleness. But if that's all your Bible says on the subject, you have a heavily edited Bible. Something's missing.

I think we do well to turn to the writing of a divine of another day, Bishop of Durham Joseph Butler (1692-1752). In his extraordinary "Fifteen Sermons Preached at the Rolls Chapel," he drew a careful distinction between two sorts of resentment, hasty/sudden and settled/deliberate. The first is prone to evil, the second is a God-given spur to do the necessary things of justice, as noted, for instance, in Romans 13:1-7.

In Butler's words: "Since therefore it is necessary for the very subsistence of the world, that injury, injustice and cruelty should be punished; and since compassion, which is so natural to mankind, would render that execution of justice exceedingly difficult and uneasy; indignation against vice and wickedness is, and may be allowed to be, a balance to that weakness of pity, and also to anything else which would prevent the necessary methods of severity."

Without the spur of settled indignation, growing out of our innate capacity to judge the gravity of evil, we would be lost -- serenely turning not only our own other cheek, but also our neighbor's other cheek.

"Blaspheming" indignation is not as serious as blaspheming the Holy Spirit, but it is wicked nonetheless. Indignation may be aided by testosterone, but who put the testosterone in place?

I'm grateful that Lance Morrow addressed the issue in his Time essay after the Sept. 11 tragedy: "For once, let's have no 'grief counselors' standing by with banal consolations, as if the purpose, in the midst of all this, were merely to make everyone feel better as quickly as possible. We shouldn't feel better.

"For once, let's have no fatuous rhetoric about 'healing.' Healing is inappropriate now, and dangerous. There will be a time later for the tears of sorrow.

"A day cannot live in infamy without the nourishment of rage. Let's have rage."

Well, we don't have to endorse rage to appreciate his message. Rather, we should cherish the still, small (or large) voice that remains when the rage has died, the one that gets and keeps us on the moral track to settle the things of duty.

*

The Latest Rage

Mark 3:5

It appears to be the rage right now: rage, that is. It comes in all varieties - road rage, grocery store rage, airplane rage, youth sports rage, restaurant rage, standing-in-line rage, can’t-get-in-line rage, etc. There seems to be no end of short tempers and bad manners on public display these days.

Think about the sports pages of your newspaper. Poor sportsmanship and anger literally "beat out" scores and game highlights. The fiercest action is in the stands. A Texas mother slaps the mother of a girl on the winning basketball team at the end of the game. A Florida high school baseball coach breaks an umpire’s jaw after a disputed call. A Massachusetts father beats another father to death in an argument over rough play at their sons’ hockey practice.

All sorts of explanations are offered for this epidemic of anger. Social scientists blame stress, high expectations, and multi-tasking (whatever that is!). This isn’t merely a psychological problem. It’s a moral issue that reflects a lack of the virtue called self-control. It is also a lack of respect for other people, and reflects the childish sentiment some never outgrow that everything must happen "my way."

If Jesus taught his disciples to suffer persecution for the gospel without retaliating and to turn the other cheek to personal insults, what implications do you think his teachings have for getting cut off in traffic or a referee’s bad call?

The late Henri Nouwen told the story of John and Sandy.

"We’ve never had an argument," said John. "Let’s have a squabble like other people have."

"But how do we start an argument?" asked Sandy.

"It’s very simple," replied John. "I take a brick and say, ‘It’s mine,’ and then you say, ‘No, it’s mine.’" And then we have an argument. So they sat down to find out what quarreling was like, and John took a brick and said, "This brick is mine."

Sandy looked over at him gently and said, "Well, if it is yours, take it."

Where did I get the idea that I am entitled to everything I want whenever I want it? Has our materialistic and narcissistic age so infected us all that no one can do without, wait her turn, or lose an athletic contest? Do others have rights?

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the sight of everybody," said the apostle Paul. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:17-18).

If you’re clutching a brick of anger or resentment today, don’t let fly. Let go!

_____________________

Road Rage

Mark 3:5

In 1999 on Halloween night a girl driving a Volkswagen Jetta with several passengers in it pulled out onto highway 114 right in front of Steven Kolhonen, who was driving a large Ford Expedition. Kolhonen hit the brakes and avoided ramming into the back of the Volkswagen but it made him angry. So when the Volkswagen slowed for a stoplight, Kolhonen did ram into the back of the Volkswagen Jetta pushing it through the intersection. He continued to pursue the Volkswagen down the highway ramming it again and again. At one point it was reportedly pushing the Volkswagen down the highway at 55mph, with the Volkswagen’s brakes fully applied. It was about as flagrant and frightening an act of road rage as I could imagine short of using other weapons.

Eventually both cars pulled off the road. There was much screaming and yelling at Kolhonen who sat in his vehicle and just stared straight ahead. The police were called and charges were filed. Five days later, someone set fire to Kolhonen’s Ford Expedition and it burned up in his driveway.

What do you think about that? I had been thinking that he ought to lose his drivers license for the rest of his life or twenty years or something, but I must admit that I chuckled because I didn’t think that burning his car was a bad alternative. However, when his house was burned down two days later, it became apparent that revenge is no solution. The anticlimactic postscript to the story was that revenge had nothing to do with it, as some months later, Kolhonen was found guilty of burning his own car and his own house, hoping to collect the insurance money.

How I Took Steps To Process My Anger

Colossians 3:1

[Editor’s Note: The following short piece comes from a subscriber of the CLO e-newsletter. The author, Jim Wetterau, wrote me (Dave Goetz) about a devotional I wrote about suffering, saying he had read the article while on his way to a funeral. Jim also mentioned in the e-mail that he had lost his mother when he was 11. After the recent devotional on anger, Jim sent this response:]

This reply ties in to another correspondence you and I had recently. When I e-mailed you about sharing grief as I was on my way to a funeral in Texas in November, you replied that I seemed to have suffered some deep losses. You were right.

One result of those (premature) losses was a deep and abiding anger, coupled with fear of future rejection and loss. I have had to deal with my anger directed at spouse and children. The question of how to unlearn anger biblically is relevant to me.

Might I suggest the following process, derived both from painful experience and from (I believe) biblical directive:

1. Dealing with your anger at the time of high emotion is almost impossible if a process of handling it has not been developed earlier in the coolness of thoughtful and prayerful analysis.

2. Developing a mindset of positive alternatives does wonders. (What does Colossians 3:1 say? “… set your heart on things above, not on earthly things… ) On a recent trip home with extensive delays culminating in a bus ride from another airport delaying my arrival home further — cause for anger — God helped me use the time on the bus to reflect and think of his glory. That turned the darkness of a bus to a prayer room. I am learning God substitutes his best in our circumstances.

3. Hold on to those positives and apply them when the negative hits — to redirect your anger. (Scripture commands us to flee from evil.) I was faced with another disappointment recently, and my wife asked me if I was upset. I wasn’t. I honestly told her that while I wished the disappointment had not happened, the positive alternatives to it were still attractive; it didn’t really bother me. She said she thought my outlook was truly different than what she had seen in the past.

So you can teach an old dog new tricks — or at least our loving heavenly Father can.

Hope For The Difficult Emotion - Anger

Hope for the Difficult Emotion — Changing sinful patterns happens in community

Last issue’s devotional on the subject of anger uncorked a geyser of responses. Here are only a few:

•”Last week I lost my temper with another member of my congregation, and God dealt with me firmly for it. I regretted the words as they were coming out of my mouth. I come from a rough background, and my anger has been an ongoing battle ever since I got saved. I had to go back to that person and apologize for my performance and ask for forgiveness. I was forgiven, but I still beat myself up for it.”

• “Did Jesus sin when he, in anger, picked up a whip to drive the money changers out of the temple? Do you think he struck any of the money changers when he was driving them out?”

• “Anger, righteously, rather than selfishly motivated, is God’s intuitive gift. If it is of the Spirit rather than of the flesh (or of human nature as the GNB puts it), it can alert us to danger: physical, emotional or moral. But then we have to resist the temptation of over-balancing into destructive self-righteousness.”

• “Good devotional, but would have been better if you included some information or resource on HOW TO UNLEARN anger on a biblical basis.”

Guilty as charged. How does one unlearn angry responses?

Change in behavior, slathered with prayer, most often happens in community — with a spouse who speaks the truth in love, with a therapist who opens our eyes to our destructive patterns and the reasons behind them, with a friend who loves us in spite of ourselves, with a child who mirrors back to us our unhealthy patterns, with a small group that dares to love us unconditionally.

There seems to be both an internal and external component to change: the insight that sheds light on the reason we’re angry (internal) and the intervention (external) that aids us in getting us over the hump of change.

Where is God in all this? He makes change possible, working through those around us to say to us what needs to be said and strengthening our will to overcome the impossible. May this Christmas season Christ’s love overcome all your anger.

Themes In Proverbs: Anger & Benevolence

Mark 3:5

Themes in Proverbs — Anger & Benevolence (verses from the New American Standard Bible)

A. Anger

1. a selection of verses

a. 14:7 — A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, And a man of evil devices is hated.

b. 15: 1 — A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

c. 14:29 — He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

d. 15:16 — A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger pacifies contention.

e. 16:32 — He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

f. 19:11 — A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.

g. 21:14 — A gift in secret subdues anger, And a bribe in the bosom, strong wrath.

2. What do you think about that last verse?!?!

3. What are the benefits of observing these verses?

4. What are the dangers of ignoring these verses?

5. Which fruit of the Spirit are related to these verses?

6. Does the Sermon on the Mount have any comment on this?

7. What are some practical ways to control anger?

8. What bad example is there in the Scriptures of someone who did not control his anger?

9. What good example is there in Scriptures of someone who did control his anger (other than the Lord Jesus)?

B. Benevolence

1. a selection of verses

a. 3:9–10 — Honour the LORD from your wealth, And from the first of all your produce; So your barns will be filled with plenty, And your vats will overflow with new wine.

b. 11:24–26 — There is one who scatters, yet increases all the more, And there is one who withholds what is justly due, but it results only in want. The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered. He who withholds grain, the people will curse him, But blessing will be on the head of him who sells it.

c. 14:21 — He who despises his neighbour sins, But happy is he who is gracious to the poor.

d. 19:17 — He who is gracious to a poor man lends to the LORD, And He will repay him for his good deed.

e. 22:9 — He who is generous will be blessed, For he gives some of his food to the poor.

2. Another word for “Benevolence” is G_______________; in what commodities can it be shown?

3. What are the benefits of observing these verses?

4. What are the dangers of ignoring these verses?

5. Which fruit of the Spirit are related to these verses?

6. Does the Sermon on the Mount have any comment on this?

7. What things inhibit our being benevolent?

8. What things make it easier?

9. Which Bible character do you think of who showed this characteristic (other than the Lord Jesus)?

When the Tapestry Is Unraveling

Ephesians 4:16

I hope I don't have to be an expert on a subject to talk about it - in this case, weaving a tapestry. Actually, Carol, our receptionist, is a very “crafty” type woman, and that includes making some beautiful tapestries. She taught me something about this kind of artwork the other day - that it likes to unravel. All those threads that she so skillfully weaves into a creative pattern have this natural tendency to unravel, thus destroying that design that she's worked so hard on. So how do you keep it together? Carol says you put this frame around the tapestry, and with everything held together by the frame, you can keep weaving the tapestry without it unraveling.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “When The Tapestry Is Unraveling.”

God's been weaving you into one of His tapestries - your family, your church (that's the tapestries that He does), maybe the people you minister with, your network of Christian relationships. The threads in God's masterpiece are His children, who like threads are in any tapestry, are very different from one another. People who are mostly head, people who are mostly heart, soft people, rough people, outspoken people, soft-spoken people, compliant folks, controlling folks, race horses, plodders.

In Ephesians, God describes His family as a healthy body, “joined and held together by every supporting ligament,” a body that “grows and builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:16). We're supposed to be held together in love and harmony. But, like a tapestry, there's this tendency to unravel. Which may be what is happening with the tapestry you're part of. There's strain, tension, misunderstanding, negativity, criticism, maybe backbiting or backstabbing, there's unrest, trash talk, growing resentments, little cliques or power blocs, or walls developing between people.

God knows we tend to unravel from each other. That's why He gives us a framework for keeping the tapestry together in our word for today from the Word of God in Ephesians 4:2-3. “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” That “make every effort” word is the Greek is a verb from which we get our word energy - “put a lot of energy into staying unified.”

If the tapestry of believers around you seems to be unraveling some, would you be the one who does whatever it takes to stop that unraveling? You may need to be the peacemaker, or maybe the confronter of what's causing the problem, or it could be that you need to play the role of the forgiver who allows a healing process to begin. If you're harboring any anger or resentment, if you're nursing a grievance, if you're allowing distance or harshness to develop, then you are contributing to the unraveling of the tapestry that God has so carefully woven together. To keep the tapestry together, you need to be that person who is “completely humble and gentle ... patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Allow no walls to develop and no wounds to go untreated. Aggressively try to keep everyone's eyes on Jesus, the Frame Who holds us together forever. We've all been to the same cross to have our sins forgiven. We're all indwelt by the same Holy Spirit. We'll all be together in the same heaven forever. We all bow at the same name, the name of Jesus. Jesus has worked hard to weave the tapestry you're part of. He's spent an awful lot on it. Don't be a part of letting it unravel.

________________

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Putting Anger To Rest

Mark 3

Have you ever known someone who seemed persistently angry? With their critical and grumpy attitude, you could always sense them coming from a mile away. Maybe you are that way yourself.

Angry people are easy to spot. Like an out-of-control tornado, they seek to destroy everyone and everything in their path. Instead of identifying the source of their animosity and resolving the true issue, they usually vent their frustrations on innocent individuals around them. Hurtful words, hateful tones, and harmful attitudes follow them like a black cloud. Quite simply, angry people seem to wallow in bitterness.

Unfortunately, anger permeates our society. In a culture that often operates under a "what have you done for me lately" mindset, we are bombarded by the consequences of uncontrolled, selfish anger. School shootings, road rage, domestic abuse, and terrorism are a few. Sometimes it's easy to look at these extreme examples and believe that all forms of anger are sinful; however, that simply is not true.

In Mark 3, Jesus heals a man with a withered hand in the synagogue. After watching Him perform this miracle, the Pharisees and Sadducees accuse Christ of healing on the Sabbath. Jesus looks at them in "anger, grieved at their hardness of heart" (verse 5). He could not believe they were so cold-hearted toward this disabled, disadvantaged man. So, through the example of Jesus, we can see that all anger is not sin.

But when does justified anger - or righteous indignation - become selfish and sinful? Like Christ, a righteously indignant person is solely concerned with correcting a wrong in someone else's life, not their own. Justified anger isn't explosive, rage-filled, and selfish. It isn't an excuse to hate someone but, rather, it is a caring, unselfish anger entirely focused on improving someone else's circumstances.

Think of how Christ handled His emotion. Did He explode and attack the Pharisees and Sadducees? Of course not. Jesus actually "grieved" over their callousness. He didn't become enraged toward them, but He sorrowed over their spiritually deprived state. Even though Christ was frustrated with them, He was also saddened by their hardened heart.

Unfortunately, though, most of our anger is far from righteous. Resentment and rage, if unmanaged, can lead to devastating consequences such as depression, an unforgiving spirit, and a host of physical ailments.

In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul tells us to "be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger," he says, "and do not give the devil an opportunity." These harmful feelings must be dealt with swiftly, because if we allow them to sit, seethe, and build up inside of us, our unforgiving spirit will alienate us from God and we will become prime targets for Satan.

Unless we turn to God and release our bitter spirit, Satan will begin manipulating our thoughts and actions. Resentment will turn to rage, rage may turn to violence, and we will ultimately find ourselves in a dire predicament-all because we allowed our emotions to control us.

We must make a conscious choice to let go of bitterness. Regardless of how we have been wronged, we cannot expect to live for Christ while this debilitating emotion consumes us. Selfish anger builds a barrier between us and God. With this sin in our life, we are useless to God, unable to display the forgiving nature of Christ to those who need His message.

1) Identify sources of anger in your own life. Who and what provokes you? Is there bitterness you need to let go or people you need to forgive? Prayerfully hand over your burdens to God.

2) Read the key passages for this month and think back on instances in your life where you became angered easily. How have these verses given you insight into what God expects of you when you are dealing with anger?

3) Do you know people that are being mistreated? Just as Christ defended the disabled man in the synagogue, how can you come to the defense of those that may need your help?

4) Commit Ephesians 4:26 to memory and recite it every night before you go to bed. Make a point to deal with your anger swiftly and never go to sleep in a foul mood. Instead, release your burdens to God and enjoy the peaceful rest that comes with a clear conscience.

Anger, Domino Effect

Four-year-old Angelo wakes up and discovers that his new beagle puppy has chewed up his plastic guitar. The little fellow has a fit of grief. Mom's nerves tighten. She snaps at husband Tony as he leaves for the office. Still feeling the unhappy send-off, Tony greets his secretary with some cold and unreasonable instructions. She picks up the mood, and at coffeebreak tells off a fellow secretary. At closing time the second secretary tells her boss she's ready to quit. An hour-and-a-half later, after fighting heavy traffic, the boss walks into his house and blurts out an angry word to little Nelson, who had left his bike in the driveway. Nelson runs to his room, slams the door, and kicks his Scottish terrier. Where does it all end? Each person may think he or she had reason to be upset. But what was needed in this imaginary situation was one person who would absorb unjust treatment without lashing out. This is when Christians have a unique opportunity. By knowing the Father's will, by heeding the Son's example, and by relying on the Spirit's help, we can endure bad treatment in order to show others a better way. In chain reactions of frustration and anger, we can be where it all ends. -Mart De Haan It was a hasty, thoughtless word, Sarcastic and unkind, That chilled the day and dimmed its light And left a sting behind. -Anon. When you're wronged, don't do what comes naturally; do what comes supernaturally.

Feelings of Anger

Ephesians 4:31

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander by put away from you, along with all malice (Ephesians 4:31).

Feelings of anger should prompt us to reexamine what we believe and the mental goals we have formulated to accomplish those beliefs. My daughter Heidi helped me with this process one Sunday morning while I was trying to hustle my family out the door for church. I had been waiting in the car for several minutes before I stomped back into the house and shouted angrily, “We should have left for church 15 minutes ago!”

All was silent for a moment, then Heidi’s soft voice floated around the corner from her bedroom: “What’s the matter, Dad? Did somebody block your goal?” She was blocking my goal to get to church on time, but she wasn’t blocking my goal to be the husband and father God wants me to be. The only one who can block that goal is me.

A wife and mother may say, “My goal in life is to have a loving, harmonious, happy family.” Who can block that goal? Every person in her family can block her goal — not only can, but will! A homemaker clinging to the belief that her self-worth is dependent on her family will crash and burn every time her husband or children fail to live up to her image of family harmony. She will probably be a very angry woman, which could drive family members even farther away from her and each other. Her major goal in life should be to become the wife and mother God called her to be.

A pastor may say, “My goal in ministry is to reach this community for Christ.” Good goal? It is a wonderful desire, but if his self-worth is dependent on that desire being fulfilled, he will experience tremendous emotional turmoil. Every person in the community can block his goal. Pastors who continue to believe that their success is dependent on others will end up fighting with their boards, praying their opposition out of the church or quitting.

Make it your goal to be what God has called you to be. No one can keep you from reaching that goal but you.

Father, help me see Your long-range view of life so I can learn not to blow up at minor, short-term irritations.

The Enemy In Family Conflict Is 'Your Heart'

James 4

Family members often quarrel because they misunderstand the source of their anger and fail to see the idolatry of their own hearts, noted author and teacher Paul David Tripp said at a conference.

Tripp said that all fallen men have a common knee-jerk reaction to conflict -- blaming it on the other person. The conference theme was “The Gospel and the Family.”

“We instinctively look [outwardly] to try and explain our anger,” he said. “We say, 'It's my husband, it's my wife, it's my boss, it's my neighbor, it's the traffic.’ But [the Apostle] James says [that is] heresy.... It is something we should not accept because that conflict is a window into something that is going on in our hearts that is dramatically spiritually important.

“You will only understand your anger by looking inward. Your anger is not caused by people and situations around us. They are the occasion in which your heart expresses and reveals itself in anger. Your anger is caused by your heart. How humbling is that?”

Reflecting on James 4, which he called “the Bible's comprehensive treatise on conflict and anger,” Tripp said the passage offers both the diagnosis -- the source of conflict is our “pleasures that wage war within” us -- and the antidote: the abundant grace of God.

Many Christian marriages, relationships and even churches have had divisions for years and will never be healed until they realize that idolatry in the heart of the combatants is the primary cause, he said.

Tripp traced the pilgrim's regress through several stages.

First, the winds of war begin to blow lightly -- and usually unnoticeably -- in a person when their desire for something trumps their desire for Christ, Tripp said. From there, the desire becomes a demand -- something a person must have. Then the person begins to view it as a need -- as something essential to their joy and happiness.

These desires subtly constrict to take the heart captive, Tripp said. Such desires can include things such as success, self-affirmation, a desire to be respected, and an endless list of other things, Tripp said.

“Literally anything can war for our hearts and lay claim to the position that only God can have and should have,” Tripp said. “The catalog is endless. There is for us, this side of heaven, an endless catalog of God-replacements.”

Once a desire becomes a need, it begins to manifest itself within our relationships and the skirmishes play out in everyday, mundane activities, Tripp said. Here, a person will lash out and even attempt to punish anyone within a close relationship who fails to affirm the desire that now rules their hearts, he said.

As an illustration Tripp spoke of a father who virulently demands respect from his son by confronting the son and even disciplining him until he gives the desired respect. A desire for respect -- itself not an ungodly desire -- has replaced Christ as the supreme desire in the man, Tripp said. Though the man is blaming the son's lack of respect for their constant grousing, the man's idolatrous heart is actually the source of the conflict.

“This is more revealing of the heart of the father than the son,” Tripp said. “Desire is not a bad thing, but desire for even a good thing becomes a bad thing when that desire becomes a ruling thing because I must not be ruled by anything but King Christ.”

This internal war is common to all people and is the very definition of biblical spiritual warfare, he said.

“This is what the Bible means when it speaks of spiritual warfare,” Tripp said. “The war is for what set of desires will exercise sovereignty over my heart, what desires will rule me. Romans 1:25 helps us here. We tend to exchange worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of the creation.

“This is the war: Will my life be structured and motivated and oriented by a desire of God and a pursuit of His glory, finding identity, meaning and purpose in Him? Or will my life be oriented to some desire for some created thing?

“It could be possessions, it could be position, it could be affirmation. It could be anything. There's always this tug and tarrying.... When the love that I have promised to Christ is now being given to some aspect of creation, I will somehow, somewhere be in conflict with the people around me.”

Bickering between parents and children is sometimes a manifestation of this struggle, he said.

“If a desire for a certain thing is in possession of my heart I can only look at you in one of two ways: If you are helping me get what I want, I love you and I thank God for you that you are in my life,” Tripp said, “but if you stand in the way of what I want, I am spontaneously irritated and angry and I lash out in my anger.”

“Parents, at 9 o'clock at night you are not yelling at your children because they are sinners. You are yelling at your children because, in their sin, they are stepping on your idols. ... That is your heart being ruled by your desire for comfort and you can't believe that these children can make life so uncomfortable for you.”

Tripp pointed out that the victory over the idols of believers' hearts has already been won at the cross. The cure is found in the Gospel itself, he said. Once a person realizes they have been crucified with Christ, they will live to the glory of God as servants and not as idolaters whose hearts are bowing to another king, he said.

And once these idols have been thrown down, the Christian will no longer selfishly wage war with family members or fellow believers because their own law of self-love has been properly replaced by God's law, which will express itself in love for God and love for neighbor, he said. This “great exchange” can take place, Tripp said, because God has given the believer abundant grace in the union with Christ.

“You do not have to go where your desires are leading you,” he said. “Because of the life, death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ that you are identified with, you don't have to defeat the idol.

“You just need to start living the Gospel and step forth in faith and courage. Don't give way to that anger. Don't give way to that irritation. Begin to address those desires that lie under it and watch your Redeemer renew and sanctify. Isn't it wonderful that the promise of the New Covenant is a new heart -- maybe we should say a new and being renewed heart?”

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A Good Reason For Insomnia?

Don Nut of Lamesa, Texas, has been married to his wife fifty years. He says that the secret is that they never went to bed without settling any differences between them. But Don concedes there have been times when he went ten days without sleep.

Quarreling with God

I was greatly struck with a story a dear sister told me yesterday. She was very nearly being removed from the church; she had quarreled with the Lord for taking away her husband, and she would not go to any place of worship, she felt so angry about her loss. But her little child came to her one morning, and said, "Mother, do you think Jonah was right when he said, 'I do well to be angry, even unto death'?" She replied, "O child, do not talk to me," and put the little one away, but she felt the rebuke, and it brought her back to God, and back to her church again, humbly rejoicing in him who has used this instrumentality to set her right with her Lord.

Don't Hold Grudges

It was a beautiful spring day for softball practice and our church team was excited about our first practice. I was the player-coach and shared their enthusiasm.

As the players arrived, I suggested that they start the practice session at the same position they played last season.

Jack, who played second base last year, didn’t show up so I assigned a new rookie to play his position.

We enjoyed throwing the ball around and then started a practice game. During the second inning of the practice game Jack showed up, walked over to second base and told the rookie that he would take over now. The rookie, a younger man excited about getting to play, responded that I had asked him to play second and refused to leave. Jack walked over to me and said, “I’ve played second base for three years. Are you replacing me?”

“No,” I explained, “but you were not here so I asked the new guy to play second for awhile.”

“I’m here now and ready to take over,” he said in a determined manner.

As coach, I made the decision to leave the rookie at second for awhile and told Jack he could resume his position a little later in the game. It seemed like a logical plan since Jack arrived late and I had already asked the rookie to play second. Jack’s feelings were hurt and he demanded that I put him in the game at second base immediately.

I assured him that I would put him at second base after a couple of innings, but he became angry and shouted at me, “Just kick me off the team because I’ m a few minutes late!”

We glared at each other, then he walked off in a huff. “I’ve had it! I quit!” he shouted back at me.

Jack and I had been good friends for a long time. I was disappointed over this incident but I assumed it would blow over and be forgotten in a few days.

I was wrong. It didn’t. Jack avoided me at church. His ego was wounded.

But so was mine. It seemed to me that the fault was all on his side, not mine. After all, he was the one who started the trouble.

As the days went by, nothing changed. It seemed that our friendship was over. I could live with that if it was the way he wanted it. It’s his problem, I thought, not mine.

A few days later I read in my Bible that if we do not forgive people who offend us, God will not forgive us. The words pricked my conscience and I read it again. It read the same.

And I thought of Jack.

Reading further, I found that God expects us to forgive many, many times.

And I thought of Jack again.

The next Sunday at church I saw Jack coming down the hall towards me. He saw me at about the same time and looked away. Stepping directly in front of him, I said, “Jack, I want to apologize to you for the way I acted at softball practice. Will you forgive me?”

I offered him my hand.

He looked at me without a smile and ignored my hand.

People were watching us.

Jack still refused to respond.

Oh well, I tried. Now it’s us to him.

Then someone seemed to whisper in my ear, “How many times should we forgive others?”

And the answer was very clear: “Seventy times seven.”

I breathed a quick prayer and tried again. “Please forgive me, I want to be your friend again.”

Jack pushed my hand away… then smiled and gave me a big hug. He said, “It’s okay, Joe.”

We were friends again and it felt good. No hard feelings. No guilty conscience. Soon Jack was playing second base again. He was his old self.

Our team had a good record that year. It looked like we would make the playoffs.

A few days before the playoffs were to start, I received a call from Jack’s wife. He had a terrible headache and had to miss a game.

The next day they put him in the hospital for tests. The doctors discovered a major blood vessel had burst in his head. It was inoperable. Jack was bleeding to death.

I saw Jack one more time. He was laying in his hospital bed, dazed and weak. “Joe,” he said in a squeaky whisper, “hold my position for me. I’ll be there in time for the playoffs.”

I assured him that his position on the team was secure and we shared one last smile.

Our team didn’t make the playoffs that year, after all, but I know that Jack is playing on a much bigger and better team now. And I know he’s a great team player.

I’m so glad that Jack and I forgave each other. And that we didn’t wait too long. Jack was one of my best friends when he was alive and I thank God he was still one of my best friends when he died.

How about you? Are you holding any grudges?

Think about it!

Let Go of the Anger

Ephesians 4:31

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. — Ephesians 4:31.

“Be ye angry and sin not” (Eph. 4:26, 27). Righteous anger is communion with God in His indignation against evil (see Mark 3:5). But even if anger produced in us by the Holy Ghost be nursed, it will soon pass into a natural feeling, and thus we are told, “Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath.” And then the injunction follows, “Neither give place to the devil.” To cherish a feeling against anyone is to give place to the devil. — E. D.

Put away the wrath and anger–every evil thing–

Or some blight your soul will suffer, others, too, will taste sin’s sting.

“Put away”–the words are simple, but it takes Christ’s cleansing power;

“Put away”–let God sustain you in temptation’s darksome hour.

Anger In Public Discourse: the Rules of Engagement

John 8:1

As I mentioned on yesterday’s broadcast [see #34364] about Peter Wood’s new book, A BEE IN THE MOUTH, anger has become the new norm for public discourse today. Just think about any arguments you have had — or heard — lately about the war in Iraq, global warming, gay “marriage,” or abortion.

Clearly, our nation and our culture are polarized. Discussion and debate have been replaced with yelling and demonizing. We Christians cannot retreat from the public square. We are called to speak the truth in love. But how do we engage others in a world where sound bytes compete and angry rhetoric is the order of the day?

As I have thought about this cultural trend, I have been reminded of a famous speech by Dorothy Sayers, “The Lost Tools of Learning,” presented at Oxford in 1947. In it, she discusses the three pillars of a classical education: fact-gathering (or “grammar” as it is referred to), logic, and rhetoric.

We can apply this classical way of learning to our own discourse: Gather facts, apply logic, and then use effective principles of communication. Thankfully, there are a number of Christian classical schools across the country teaching kids exactly this.

But this does not get us quite far enough in this postmodern world. How do we engage with others who may have tossed logic to the curb long ago?

For starters, we might look to Jesus Himself as a model. Throughout His ministry, Jesus engages in conversation by probing people so that they examine themselves. How does He do it? He asks them questions of His own: Why do you call me good? Whose image and word are stamped on this coin? Who was the neighbor to this man? Some eighty-two questions of Jesus are recorded in the book of Matthew alone.

Take a look, for instance, at the story of the woman caught in adultery. The Pharisees come dragging a woman before Jesus to put Him between the rock of the Mosaic Law and the hard place of a public bloodbath. Stewing in their anger against Jesus, the Pharisees asked Him what they should do with the woman. Jesus could have responded in anger. Instead, He stoops and scribbles in the sand, creating a silent moment in a volatile situation.

Then, knowing that this teachable moment has more to do with exposing the Pharisees’ hearts than the heart of this already-exposed woman, Jesus says, “If anyone is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” It’s an implicit question: Who among you is sinless?

Jesus was not merely trying to win an argument, nor was His main goal even diffusing anger. He was trying to win the hearts and minds of those who might listen.

The Pharisees had come with an agenda, and their anger, like the anger of so many around us today, was merely a symptom of a deeper problem. Of all people, Jesus could have shown a judgmental attitude. Unlike us, He is, after all, a righteous judge. But instead through a humble heart, and an implicit question, Jesus gently exposes the real issue.

You know, if our priority is winning over our opponents, instead of merely beating them in an argument, God can give us grace to do the same as Jesus did.

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Man Eaters

Galatians 5:15

If you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another! —Galatians 5:15

Have you ever heard of one snake eating another snake? According to zookeepers, two of these reptiles will sometimes grab different ends of the same piece of food. Sooner or later their struggle for that last bite brings them nose to nose. But then comes the surprise. The snake with the widest bite will keep right on going and actually swallow the other!

Christians have been known to “consume one another” too. We may say something unkind to a fellow Christian, who then becomes defensive, and an argument develops. We know we would be better off if we held our tongue and trusted the Lord for the outcome, but we just keep going.

It’s easy to assume that we’re too mature to let things go too far. But the apostle Paul reminded us in Galatians 5:15 that words and emotions can get out of hand — even among Christians. When this happens, feelings get hurt, friendships are destroyed, the church becomes divided, and the body of Christ suffers.

It is crucial that we ask the Lord daily to help us to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32). Only as we rely on Him will the love of Christ in our hearts replace the man-eating impulses of a sharp tongue and a bitter spirit. — MRDII

It’s only a word! But a word may harm

And open a wound with its lingering smart;

And a word may heal or a word may charm

If it comes direct from a loving heart. —Anon.

It’s better to bite your tongue than to make a biting remark

What Part of No Don't You Understand?

Acts 5:29

“Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.” (Jesus in Matthew 12:12, NIV).

A “Daily Encounter” reader writes in response to yesterday’s message on being peacemakers. It’s a good point that will apply to many us.

“As you know, meaningful relationships require boundaries. Sometimes this means letting the other person know you are offended even if they do not react the way you might wish. At times keeping your boundaries may even mean terminating an unhealthy relationship.

“BUT — what about when the relationship is one you cannot terminate, say with a parent, spouse, or other family member who is also a believer? I am not speaking of blatant abuse situations but the gray areas in which a lot of people, myself included, often find themselves. What about when parents have deep unresolved anger and hurt which they will not confront, so they wind up shoveling it off onto their children? As children we are taught to obey and accept, and this can extend to accepting that which is not healthy for us, even as adults.

Then when you do find the courage to call a halt to dysfunction, you face the guilt that comes with disobeying.” We are to obey God more than man, and to try to live in peace, real not false, as much as possible.

“So where is the line? How do you honor your parents AND keep your boundaries?

True, the Bible does say we are to obey our parents, but it never says that we are to accept everything they or anybody else do to us.

Meekness isn’t weakness. Jesus, of course, is the prime example of one who had very healthy boundaries. He didn’t allow anyone to do anything to him without his permission. And he always confronted evil. And, by the way, anything that we, our spouses, siblings, or our parents do to each other that isn’t nurturing, is a form of abuse.

Also, while we are also told in the Bible to obey our leaders, when they or anyone else are abusive, evil, or do wrong, the higher law for us to follow is the law of God … and his law is always to do the loving thing. Oft times that will require tough love which means wherever possible, we are never to allow anyone to abuse us or to be boundary busters with us.

When Peter and the other apostles were commanded by the religious leaders not to preach about Jesus, Peter said, “We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29). And they kept preaching.

And think what Jesus did to the religious Pharisees who abused the House of God (the temple) and were also abusing the poor, he drove them out of the temple with a whip and called them a brood of vipers! Gentle Jesus, meek and mild — no way when he was confronting evil and wrong.

If we ask ourselves the question, “What would Jesus do?” in every situation in which we find ourselves, and could get the correct answer, we would know what to do … and then we would need to ask him for the courage to help us to do it.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, thank you for Jesus who is the prime example for us to follow in every situation … whether warm and compassionate or angry at evil. Please help me to know what you would do in every confusing situation in which I find myself — and please give me the courage to do that without being controlled by false guilt or what some else might think of me. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Pursue Peace

Romans 14

”Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14: 19, RSV).

I recall a speaker I once heard talking about her relationship with her husband. She had a very good marriage. One reason was because, in her own words, “I know what makes him tick, and I know what ticks him off!”

Clever lady. Smart wife!

For couples, and friends for that matter, to relate well to each other — and to build each other up — each needs to know and understand each other. To do this, we need to first know and understand ourselves … and know what ticks us off and why we get ticked off (get angry)!

There are some things we ought to get angry about, such as at anything that is harmful to myself or others, but oftentimes we get angry — and overreact — because of who we are rather than what the other person has done. In other words, when I have a lot of unresolved hurt and anger from the past, it can get triggered by the slightest thing and I over-react!

What the other person does may or may not be a problem, but my hurt and my anger is always my responsibility. And to the degree that I overreact, that is always my problem!

So we need to know not only what ticks us and each other off, but also why we get ticked off … and what we need to do about it if we are to have fulfilling and meaningful relationships.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me to know, understand and accept myself, so I will be much more understanding and accepting of others. And help me to face and resolve my character issues and be a peacemaker and not a troublemaker. Gratefully in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Learning To Disagree Agreeably

Romans 12:18

”Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible” (Romans 12:18, TLB).

I know of one pastor and his wife who have agreed to never bring up a discussion about a misunderstanding or disagreement after 10:00 at night. This is because when they are tired, they tend to be more touchy and less understanding.

Sometimes it is very difficult to live peaceably even with loved ones. We not only need lots of patience, but also God’s help.

I know it’s not easy to do when we are upset, hurt or angry, but when we are having a difference, especially with a partner or close friend, I find it helps greatly to pray together that God will help each of us to see what we are contributing to the conflict, and help us to work through our differences without playing the blame game.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please give me an under- standing heart and the help I need to live and/or work peaceably with difficult people. And please help me not to be one of those persons who are difficult or even impossible to live and/or work with. Gratefully in Jesus’ name.”

All the Violence Just Makes Me So Mad

Job 16:17

A couple in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada, were watching the news -- and got into an argument. The fight escalated when the husband slapped his wife, and she retaliated by smashing a jar over his head. So what spawned such a rage? “The violence on the news was disconcerting to the woman,” said an Royal Canadian Mounted Police spokesman.

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Surrey Now newspaper

The Sun Is Still Shining In China

Mark 3:5

Pastor Jeffrey Stratton heard of a Christian couple who had a big fight. The husband had hollered at her, and she hollered back.

They dressed for bed and the wife leaned over to the husband and said, “Honey, we promised never to let the sun go down on our wrath.” He replied, “The sun is still shining in China.” ...Not exactly what Paul meant!

Attempted Murder Over A Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Mark 3:5

Daniel Blackwell’s wife cooked him a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. Then she took a bite out of it. Her 55-year-old husband was enraged and went down into his basement. Soon after, she heard shots being fired. She went down to check on him and saw him surrounded by guns and ammunition.

She went back into the kitchen and three more shots were fired, making holes in the kitchen floor near where she was standing.

She ran out of the house with her children and called the Baltimore police. When they arrived, Blackwell barricaded himself in the home for a three-hour-long standoff. He finally surrendered peacefully.

Blackwell is now facing attempted murder charges. Police are having him evaluated for mental illness and to find out why he was so enraged about his grilled cheese sandwich.

Because of prior assault convictions, Blackwell is not legally allowed to own guns in the first place. He faces multiple charges.

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Tribune Media Wire

They Had To Make Up Right There

Luke 12:58

Tact was not M. R. DeHaan’s strongest virtue. The founder of Radio Bible Class and editor of Our Daily Bread was likely to crash his fist into his hand or his desk to emphasize a point to his staff and demand that things be done his way. However, he was not reluctant to apologize, and he also mellowed with the years.

Once he and his wife had a disagreement and said nothing to each other during breakfast. When it was time to read the devotional in Our Daily Bread, she pushed it under his nose and said, “Are you the man who wrote this?” It was an article on kindness and forbearance. “That did it,” said DeHaan, “we had to make up right there.”

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Wikipedia.org, drawing from material in James R. Adair’s book M. R. DeHaan: The Man and His Ministry (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing, 1969).

Lucky For Him That's One of The Ten!

Job 33:10

In "On This Day" by Carl D. Windsor, the page for Valentine's Day includes this anecdote:

Even the most devoted couple will experience a "stormy" bout once in a while. A grandmother, celebrating her golden anniversary, once told the secret of her long and happy marriage. "On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of ten of my husband's faults which for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook," she said.

A guest asked the woman what some of the faults she has chosen to overlook were. The grandmother replied, "To tell you the truth, my dear, I never got around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, Lucky for him that's one of the ten!"

I Cut Someone Off In Traffic

I cut someone off in traffic yesterday. I’m a good driver, but I pulled out right in front of this guy, who of course leaned on his horn ... hard.

Then, as luck would have it, we pulled into the SAME store parking lot. Yay! I knew it was coming.

He arranged it so he would be standing in front of his vehicle as I rolled by slowly, looking for a spot to park. There he was, middle finger in the air (big surprise) shoving it aggressively toward me while yelling.

I braked, threw it into reverse, came up beside him, rolled down my window, and ... just listened. I let him rant.

“LEARN HOW TO %#%€ing DRIVE FOR #%#!SAKE!!”

That was probably the nicest thing he said in all of it.

When he was done, I said in an even tone that I have perfected for escalations at home: “You have a right to be upset. I cut you off, and I’m really sorry. I’m usually a pretty good driver, but that was a really stupid mistake and I’m sorry I put us both in danger.”

He sort of stuttered, still mad, but visibly trying to process what I’d just said. Then I said, “Thank you for being on the ball, and saving us BOTH today with your quick reflexes.”

He literally mumbled, “Geez ... just be careful ....” He had his head down and was still adjusting to someone being kind to him, someone who he had just called every name in the book and f-bombed about 500 times in public ... loudly.

It did shake me up, but not the way it did him.

I’ve found that I’m so much more prepared for the unexpected than the average person. I’ve also learned, through my son, that everything is a teachable moment, that one should always act with grace and good intention, and that whenever possible, give someone a chance to show their best side.

And that’s what he did.

I was pushing my cart around the store, and all of a sudden there was a tap on my shoulder. It’s the angry dude. Only he isn’t angry, he’s humble.

“You said sorry to me, but I’m the one who owes you an apology. I had a really bad morning, some bad news at work. Thank you for reminding me that everyone makes mistakes, including me. I acted really [badly] calling you names and stuff. I’m really sorry for that.”

“Thank you,” I said and smiled. Then he smiled, too. We told each other to have a nice day and I think we both did just that. We BOTH stepped out of our comfort zone to thank someone else for their actions. And it felt ... good.

[My son] Chevy has taught me that. He has taught me patience, and grace. He has taught me that however bad things may be at the moment, there is always something to learn from it and a chance to do it better the next time.”

Shared with permission via Connie Manning

He Would Kill To Pay More

Mark 3:5

Howard Vernon worked at the drive-thru window of a Burger King in Willowick, Ohio. A man drove up and ordered two sausage egg and cheese croissants, a sausage biscuit and hashbrowns. Howard told him it would be $8. The man responded, “My order can’t be right, it should be $11.” Howard explained to him that they had a promotion going on and so the price was less. The man started getting loud and cussing at him. Howard asked him why he wanted to pay more money for the food, but the man sped away. A minute later, he was back – with a gun. The man jumped out of his car, steadied the gun on the vehicle and aimed it at the drive-thru window. He called Howard a racial slur and threatened to kill him. Police have a video of the man and are looking for him.

It was Easter Sunday morning.

Why is there so much senseless anger in our world? Wasn’t Jesus resurrected to bring us to a different kind of life than this?

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Original source was WOIO Cleveland (Cleveland 19 News)

145 Sermon Illustrations on Anger