In this sermon, the preacher discusses the importance of men assuming the role of manhood and not remaining in a state of adolescence. He emphasizes the responsibility of women to prioritize their children and the role of men to provide for their families. The preacher also challenges the idea of dating, suggesting that it is not a biblical concept and encourages a deeper understanding of God's Word. He concludes by sharing a hypothetical scenario to illustrate the importance of submitting to God's Word in all aspects of life.

Brother Paul, I'm a father of three boys, and I want to raise them as godly as I can. I've taken a lot of criticism lately because I won't let my children date until they're 18 or until they're mature enough to be able to handle the responsibilities of it. I know from listening to your sermons that your views on dating are pretty close to what I am, but I was just wondering if you would want to share those with us. Okay. I don't agree with dating. It's not really found in the scriptures, and it's really a phenomenon to the West. We don't really see it in history or anything. And it's really something that the last hundred years, and you can see what kind of fruit it's produced. I mean, a tree is known by its fruit, especially what we would call recreational dating. And let's say there's a boy, and he gets younger every year, 15 years old or whatever, and he wants to go out with a girl. And my immediate question to him is, so when did God show you that you should marry this girl? And the young boy just, I don't know, I didn't say that. I just want to go out with her. I didn't say I want to marry her. I mean, I'm 15. I mean, I can't marry her. So why are you going out with her? You're going out with her to participate in the privilege for which you're not willing or able to assume the responsibility. You're using her. You say, well, we're good friends. Hold it. What are you doing? Look, even if you date a whole bunch of people before you get married, even if there is no physical contact, you've left a piece of yourself with everyone. Dating is one of the most dangerous, harmful, and unbiblical practices in the evangelical church today. You know, there's a whole teaching on it. I mean, I could just sit here now. It's almost impossible to answer. Let me just give you a few things to think about. I brought some of my notes because I knew this would be a thing that would probably jump up. First of all, we're talking about dating. First of all, we must be aware of our present reality as a people. And I mean as the people of God. Here's a statement. In those days there was no king in Israel. Every man did what was right in his own eyes. The idea is there was no authority, and so everyone did what was right in their own eyes. Basically, evangelicalism today has no authority. Because you can't really seriously tell me that everyone is standing up on Scripture. Because even some of you here today would, if I wasn't saying something now, would think dating was okay. But did you go to the authority of Scripture? No, you did not. You did what was right in your own eyes. You think what is right in your own eyes. And you never tested the Scriptures to see, is dating, especially recreational dating, should I be allowing my children to do this? You never questioned it. You just did what was right in your own eyes. I hope this hits you right between the eyes. And I'm not going to pull any punches. Think about it. Did you go to Scripture to study whether or not this idea of dating was even biblical? No, you just assumed that it was. That's what gets us in trouble. Again, dating is a recent phenomenon, even in the United States. In the last hundred years, less than that. And look at the fruit it's produced. My people are destroyed, Hosea 4, 6, for a lack of knowledge. All right. What is the biblical knowledge with regard to how a young man and a young woman might begin their relationship? What is it? What does the Bible teach? See, we have a lack of knowledge. Because of it, we're destroyed. We must be convinced. I'm going just briefly through this. We must be convinced that the entirety of our life is to be submitted to God's Word and to abound to His glory. If you're not going to move in that kind of circle, you've got to decide who's right and who's wrong. You've got to ask yourself a question. Did God save us and then just cut the rope and say, okay, now do whatever culture says? I don't think so. Now, a context. Here's another thing before we even think about dating. If you're a parent, your primary obligation is to know the Scriptures. If you're a father, if you're a mother, but especially if you're a father, your primary obligation is to know the Scriptures. It is. Also, parents must strive to be biblical examples. That's your greatest task. So many men tell me, well, I'm just trying to provide for my family the things I never had as a kid. It's the very things you never had as a kid that gave you the character you have. And it's all the things you're giving your children that's destroying them. It is said that the greatest generation fought in World War II. It just happened to be the same children that went through the Depression and had nothing. Like my father, just a little tiny boy selling newspapers for 10 cents on a street corner in Detroit, Michigan. As parents, we have got to realize that we must be involved in the lives of our children. Do you realize that most children, I've tried to figure this out the best way I can, but most children get somewhere around 15,000 hours, children that go to public school, of training in unbiblical secular thought. Organized training in unbiblical secular evolutionary thought. They watch thousands and thousands of hours of television where they are also immersed in. And most children leave the home at 18 and have received less than a few hours of biblical instruction from their father and mother. And even combined in the church, it's less than 500. And then you wonder why we have these problems. See, my primary ministry is not what you're seeing me do here this week. My primary ministry must be my wife. My secondary ministry must be my children. My third ministry is you. As a matter of fact, 1 Timothy chapter 3 tells me that if I do not manage my own household, a preacher of the gospel. Men, you turn your wives over to other people. Men, you turn your children over to other people. Now, I'm not saying there can't be help from the church, and that all Sunday school or all youth group is evil. I'm not saying that. But I'm saying that we can no longer tolerate the unbiblical practice of men not assuming their role as men. Now, the heresy of recreational dating. Why do kids go, you know, I want to date. I'm 13, 12. Here's something that's really good for you fathers. A guy walked up to my little boy Ian when he was about 6. Good looking little rascal. And said, man, you're a good looking young man. I bet you've got a lot of girlfriends. I said, sir, will you step over here for a second? He said, don't you ever, ever talk to my son like that again. He said, what's the problem? I said, you're the problem. I said, I am to guard my children. My little boys aren't supposed to think about girls. They're supposed to think about slaying dragons and tree houses and BB guns. I'm to guard their innocence and not allow love to be awakened before it's time. You see? The little boys and little girls. It's unbelievable. They're 9, 8 years old, 10 years old. They're talking about these things. That's why they're so dwarfed in their mind and in their bodies. Young men, you shouldn't be thinking about girls. You should be thinking about God. You should be thinking about your studies. You should be thinking about how many thousands and thousands of push-ups and pull-ups you can do before you leave the home so you can leave the home with a chest. You should think about developing everything you are. Girls? What are you? Like little animals running around the mall looking for a man? How many of you know how to manage a home? You want a date, but do you know how to manage a home? Do you know how to manage a home's finances? How much has your mother taught you about being a godly woman? Young boys, are you saving up your money so you can get a down payment on a house or so you can buy an Xbox? I'm saying these things kind of hard, but I kind of want to shock you a little bit. Why do young people want to go out? First of all, to satisfy the lusts of the flesh. Either immorality or entertainment. Even grown men and women that I have seen be very wise in every area of their life. When they came to their children, they'd be very careful. Another reason why people want to go out is to satisfy heartfelt passions that may be biblical. That may be biblical, but they want to satisfy those passions in an unbiblical way. And we all know that. Also, there's a consumer mentality. You need to date around. I mean, don't just latch on to the first guy or girl that you see. I mean, you need to test the waters. What is that? And that's a consumer mentality. Another is we allow it to happen because we're just ignorant as a people. My people perish for... Now, again, each one of these is a lecture in itself, but I just want to give you... Instead of dating, I want you to think about biblical courtship. Now, when I mention this, I do it with a great deal of trembling because there's a lot of books on courtship out there that are severely... Well, they're more based on Victorian principles than they are the Scriptures. The Bible does not teach a lot about courtship, regardless what you think. But the Bible does give us principles of wisdom. Not many, but some. And they don't have to do so much with courtship as they do with just godliness. But I want us to look at some things. First of all, when should a young man and a young woman start thinking about the opposite sex? As wanting to enter into a relationship, a young boy or young girl. First of all, when young people are awakened to the opposite sex, and parents, you need to make sure that happens at the right time. Not when they're 8, not when they're 9, not when they're 10. You need to protect their innocence. You need them to develop as a person. We are not wild animals just seeking to mate. We are to grow in our personality, in our character, in our skills. When young people are awakened to the opposite sex, it is not a sign for them to participate, but a sign to prepare. It is my task as a father, from the moment my sons and my daughters are born, to begin to prepare them to leave the home. Their greatest need is that Christ be formed in them, that they be converted. Their next greatest need is that Christ is formed in them for them to grow to maturity to a fine man. Manhood has been extended tremendously in the sense of, it used to be a boy, and still in some cultures, would enter into manhood around 12, now it's early 30s in America. And so, the first thing that we've got to realize, when a young boy or a young girl is awakened to realize that the opposite sex is wonderful, then the parent really accelerates the program. It is a time not for their participation in a relationship, but a time for their preparation. I'm preparing my boys right now, my little girl is four, I'm preparing my boys right now. They know it. They're 10 and 7. They are not, you know, if I were to mention that to most little boys, they would snicker and laugh. My boys are taught that this is one of the most precious things God will ever do in their life, and they're to keep pure and strong, and brave and courageous, that they're to pray for their wives, because there's a good chance they may be born already, and they need prayer. That they're to be faithful to their wives now. That's why there's no consumer mentality, you see. You think that because you're not married, you're allowed to enter into a whole bunch of different relationships? You should treat yourself now as being faithful to the woman that you will marry. Consider now you're going to be faithful to the husband you will marry. He's there, girls. He's there, she's there, boys. Be faithful to her now. Pray for her now. Long for her now. Seek her good now. Seek His good now. I want to talk for a moment about the lie of adolescence. Adolescence is a lie. It is a lie. It's a psychological construct, a sociological construct. It's based primarily on evolution. It's a lie. Now, the lie of adolescence. Adolescence is usually defined as the stage between childhood and adulthood when a young person is discovering his or her identity and asserting his or her independence. It's basically rebellion. Find that in Scripture. Find it in Scripture. A rebellious child is a rebellious child. It cannot be covered up by adolescence. Throughout history, there's not been adolescence. There were two things. And I'm going to talk mainly to the young guys right now. But it applies to the girls also. If a bunch of you guys were standing around and I looked at you and I said, Boy, come here. You'd look at me like, Who you calling boy? You'd get mad. Here's the problem. What am I supposed to call you? Are you a man? What are you? Society has conveniently made a third category. You're not assuming the responsibilities of a man. You play like a boy. But you demand the privileges of a man. And that's adolescence. It's a lie. You go to Africa. And you're a boy or you're a man. In many of the tribals, 12 years old is a man. A movie came out several years ago, Master and Commander with Russell Crowe in it. And it shows Lucky Jack Aubrey and the British hunting down the French privateers. There's an unusual thing about the film. If you notice that when the two ships lash together to do hand-to-hand combat, the one leading the British into battle is a boy about 15 years old. That's because they were men then. The boy handling the helm was younger and had one arm that had been blown off already by a cannonball. Do you see what they've done to us young men? You're told that you're little boys. And you're told to play with toys. And you don't work. There's no calluses on your hands. And you'll probably stay that way until you're 30. You'll go to college and you'll run around with other boys. You'll get out and get a job and you'll run around with the other boys. That's not what you were made to do. You were made to grow up quickly and assume the role of a man. Assume the role of a man. But you don't want to assume the role, but you demand the privileges of manhood. That's a very dangerous thing. Let me just... The result of adolescence, which is a lie. The result of it is this. A youth passes to adolescence where he or she is allowed to participate in the privileges of adulthood without being required to assume the responsibilities of adulthood. I want a car, Dad. Can't even pay for the insurance. I want to go out with this girl. But you can't assume the responsibilities of her. I hunt with a longbow. Longbows have to be very powerful. Very hard to pull back. The arrows have to be very heavy because the shaft is not going to move fast. The broadhead has to be exceedingly sharp. So sharp that you put it on with a tool even when you glue it on the wood. My boys are pretty good with bows, but they're not shooting broadheads. Just practicing with a broadhead. You can stab yourself in the leg, you can kill yourself. They're not going to use broadheads until they can assume the responsibility of a broadhead. I'm not going to turn over them to a girl or turn my little girl over to a little boy until both are able to assume the responsibility thereof. Now, there's several things that I could teach on. But let me say this. When should a young man begin to think that he has this privilege to start thinking about someone else of the opposite sex in a relationship? First of all, the Bible teaches he must be willing and able to separate from father and mother and form a new family unit. Genesis 2.24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall be one flesh. Now, I want you to look at something. The word leave here in Hebrew is very strong. It means to leave behind, depart from, forsake, abandon, neglect. The point is not that we should neglect or forsake our parents. But the fact is, if you're a young man, can you leave your father and your mother? Not only that, young man. Can you leave your buddies? All these boys running with boys. Can you leave them and all their games and all their hobbies behind and cleave to a woman? I have a lot of friends who are men. But they're not in my life very much. I don't run around with them. Maybe once a year, I'll go hunting for a few days Why? I have a woman. And I would rather have a woman than a bunch of friends, a bunch of buddies. I have a woman. Any free time I have, she takes priority. This is what I do. This is what I am. This is what we are as men. Join means to cling to. To cling to the woman. To stick to the woman. To stay close. To cleave. To keep close. A new relationship with a spouse results in marked changes in other relationships with siblings, best friends, co-workers, even co-workers in the ministry. Especially with the opposite sex. When you say yes to a man in marriage or you say yes to a woman in marriage, you're saying no to every other woman on the planet. You're cleaving to one woman. When as a young man, when should he start thinking about dating? When he's a man? And you say, well, Brother Paul, I go to college and you know it's not like I have a big job that I could marry. Well, maybe you ought to work harder if you really want a wife. If you really want a relationship, maybe you ought to work harder. But there is a time when a young man proves himself to be manly. He goes to college, sees a young lady and he thinks about, she's the one that God would want me to marry. I don't have a problem with the father of that young man still helping out a bit with the schooling and things like that. But as long as that young man shows that he's going to bed every night very tired, not because he's running around with his angry birds, but because he is working to achieve something. To care for a daughter of God and to raise up a godly heritage unto the Lord. If you want to, fathers, if you want to look at what kind of man, Vody Bokum. He's a dear friend of mine. He's written a book, What a Young Man Must Do. It must be a terrifying thing to think about marrying his daughter. But here's some things that I want you to think about. When is a young man able to even think about the opposite sex in a relationship, entering into a relationship? When he can live with personal unaided devotion to God. When his parents don't have to keep him on track with regard to the Scriptures. With regard to godliness and piety. When he has a devotion in his heart, he understands God's purpose for the family. That he is clinging to a woman in order to demonstrate how much Jesus Christ, that through his marriage, other men will see and other women will see how much Jesus Christ loves his bride. He understands the purpose of marriage, that he has been called principally to wash his... that she might be presented pure and without spot before Christ. When he realizes that children will come and should come and are the greatest blessing. And that he wants to take all his Bible knowledge and the things that God's built into his life and he wants to pour it into his children. His children. These are things that, you know, I just... Well, let me get this... There's several of these. I mean, when I do this seminar, but here's something, young man, I want you to think about. Voting, one time, we were on a platform together teaching and someone asked... He said this. He said, after I look at a young man's spirituality and determine that he... The first thing after that, that I'm going to ask... Do you delight in God honoring labor? Do you delight in hard work? Because if you don't, get out of my house. Young boys, listen to me. Our culture has so changed. And young men, when I was a boy, I can remember just standing around with men and they boasted about how hard they worked. They did. I mean, it was their pride. They boasted about how hard they worked, that they could work any man under the table. Now our culture is completely flip-flopped. Men stand around and boast about how they get out of work. I mean, it's unbelievable. If you're a man even that works hard, but you hate to work hard, you just do it for some other reason, maybe a monetary gain, you're still not a worthy man for marriage. You must realize that we have been called to work and you delight in hard work. I'm not going to turn my daughter over to a young man who does not delight in hard work. Who is slothful. No, not at all. Slothfulness was considered one of the seven deadly sins in the early church. Mortal sins. Hard work and diligence are greatly honored before God. Fathers, if you want to do something, teach your boys to work. Work them to the bone. Mothers, if your boy is five or six years old, don't you make his bed. Don't you pick up his laundry. My goodness. Teach that boy to make his bed. Teach that boy to pick up his laundry. Teach that boy to wash his plates. What are you doing? You're killing your kids. I've walked in rooms of teenage girls and literally thought, goodness gracious, someone called animal control or something. Guys, just a little hint, okay? Again, this is all in different seminars, but I just got to shoot at you. Here's something you want to just remember. Before you think about marrying a girl, ask her dad if you can go look at her room. If it's a filthy mess, I don't care how beautiful she has run, because it's going to be a fight in your marriage. A filthy home is also a boy's. If she does not honor her father, she will not honor you. Girls, if he does not respect his mother, he will not respect you. I love teaching on this stuff. There's so much, and I don't even know where to begin or end. The win of courtship for a young woman. Let's just throw that out for a minute. She is mature in the fear of the Lord. Proverbs 31.30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Girls, beauty is a good thing. I'm sure Eve was beautiful. I'm sure when God presented Eve to Adam, he said hallelujah or something. There's nothing wrong with being beautiful. Sensual, on the other hand, sensuality is a vicious, horrid, disgusting thing. And there's a difference. And men know it that quick. I know a friend of mine and my wife, she could have been a supermodel. She could walk in this room right now, and every man, if they turned around and looked at her, they would go. Then there are other ladies that aren't half as beautiful as she is, and they can walk through that door. And the moment the men turn around, if they're godly, they'll have to turn their face. Men, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Beauty is a good thing. Boys, sensuality. If the girl displays her wares, she'll do it after you're married. Do not marry a sensual woman. Marry a beautiful woman. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. A woman who fears the Lord is greatly to be blamed. She recognizes her role as her husband's helpmate to carry out his divine appointment. Boy, that sounds chauvinistic, doesn't it? Eve was created for Adam. Now, guys, okay, husbands, let's nail ourselves here. Women are called to submit to their husbands and to promote their husbands. Here's what I want you to see. When a woman looks over at the man she's supposed to submit to and sees a man that's 40 years old and he is a self-centered little boy who wants to buy toys for himself and run around with his friends and participate in hobbies and do everything else, she may be godly enough to grit her teeth and go ahead and submit, but in time it may create the greatest of... But when a woman looks over and sees a husband that etched into his life is, Hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done. And he's pouring his life into his wife and he's pouring his life into his children and he's using his headship to promote the godliness and prosperity of his wife and children. A woman looks over there and goes, yeah, I can do this. Husbands, even though you're called to be leaders, you're not called to lead like Caesar. You're called to... You use your authority for the benefit of your wife. When a young girl has grown to the point where she can be a caregiver, teacher, and disciplinarian to children. Young ladies, let me ask you a question. Well, let me just share with you something. My... Regarding what goes on in my house, I mean, finances, I almost don't have a clue about anything. Home economics is not learning how to cook pop tarts. My wife manages our home. She manages it like a manager. She knows. I have a certain calling on my lot. She knows she's married to a difficult man. A man who must do a lot of things and fight a lot of battles. She manages our home. I don't have to worry about credit cards. I don't have to worry about her... My wife will go to... She doesn't have to. My wife will shop at Goodwill. Frugality. Homeschools my children. While you're young, instead of thinking about going out on dates, learn how to manage a home. Mothers. Daughters. What are you doing? Teach your daughters how to manage a home. And you're not going to do that by doing their laundry when they're fifteen. Young women and young boys, you're not living on a farm. Your mother, basically, ought to be kind of running the care of that house, and you doing all her work. What do you think? Boys? You know, some of you, I just ought to take out and just behind this building, just whip the snot out of you. You lay around, you expect your mom to pick up your dirty socks and underwear, and you expect her to cook. Mom, when's dinner? When's this? When's that? Now, if you were all living on a farm and working cattle all day, or hauling hay or something else, I'd say, yeah, maybe mom should do more. But parents, when these kids get old enough to do stuff, they ought to be doing it. And fathers, you need to make sure that your sons know they are called to serve their mother. Their mother is not called to serve them. Well, that went over good. Alright, let's go on. A woman must be able to organize the home, finances, cooking, cleaning, laundry. Her husband trusts in her to manage the home and family. Listen to Proverbs. She does him good and not evil. She is industrious. She is the very opposite of a sluggard. She delights in her work. She arises while it is still night. You know, girls, if you get up at like six in the morning and you look at the alarm clock and you go praise the Lord five more hours of sleep, you're not going to make a good wife. You have no business going out with some man. She arises while it's still night. Her lamp does not go out at night. She does not eat the bread of idleness. She is knowledgeable in practical duties. She has strength of character and body. She is prepared for the future. She has a bring it on mentality with regard to her home. She goes beyond need to beauty. She doesn't just see that her family is clothed in something. She clothes them in purple. You know, it's amazing what's neat. You know, most people think being a godly Christian means wearing, you know, just ragged, beat up house and all sorts of things. Well, it can. But you know what's even better? Prayer and frugality. Never forget, on our honeymoon, I thought, well, you know, buy my wife something, you know. So we go in this store and it's just dress or skirt or something. And I said, well, do you like that? And she goes, it's $85. I'm getting that. A few days later, on our honeymoon, she says, there's a Goodwill. She goes in there and finds the exact same one, a little bit different color for $5. Bam. Now she's wearing an $85 dress, but it cost her $5. The frugality of being able not to just, you know, pinch pennies, but the idea of, you know what? I'm going to take the world on. I'm going to dress my family better than the world and I'm going to do it at a fourth of the price. And people are going to see how God blesses a man. See? She's charitable. She is marked by kindness and wisdom. She is fruitful. She delights in her gain and it encourages her. Her husband is honored by the most respected men of the city because of her. She fears the Lord and it's the basis for everything that she does. Girls, have you read Proverbs 31? Boys, how many of you have read Proverbs 31? You know, Proverbs 31 wasn't written for a girl. It was written for a boy. But girls can learn something from it. Now girls, let me warn you something. You ever read the Proverbs 31 woman and you find yourself really hating this lady? Women, have you ever read Proverbs 31 and you're like, man, I hope my husband never reads this. I'm tearing this out of the Bible. I don't believe this part is inerrant. I believe this was added later. Because you sit there and you go, who is this, you know? Well, I was getting ready to teach on this and I was kind of struggling with this super woman in this page. My wife walked in and she goes, what are you studying? I said, Proverbs 31. I'm going to teach it. But I said, I just have a little bit of trouble. Super woman. She goes, what are you talking about? I said, well, look at all she does. She goes, you're just not understanding the text. I said, really? She goes, yeah, really. She goes, this is not a day in the life of this woman. This is the entire life of the woman. There was a time when she wasn't trading with merchants. She was raising her children. When her children got old enough to work alongside her, then maybe she became a little bit more... And if you scoot all through that... Women, let me share something with you. If you have children, they're your primary... Men, we are called to provide for our families. There are times, I suppose, when a woman may have to work. You're leasing expensive cars because you bought a home that's far too big, far too much. You're a slave to debt, and your whole family has to work. Don't do that. Don't sell your children or your family for a bowl of wine. Set yourself free from a debtor. The most important thing is to have a family. And again, that's a whole life. Let me just go to some principles of courtship. Man, it takes me a long time to answer questions, doesn't it? Okay. Let me give you some... Now, this is a perfect world scenario, okay? These are just principles. But the wisdom you're going to have to work at... First of all, in the principles of courtship, in the Bible, the relationship is always initiated by the young man. Now, there's a couple of things to be looked at here. It says, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother. In the Bible, women who pursue men are always labeled as immoral. Okay? Now, guys, this thing about you telling your friend, Man, I really like her. Hey, would you go and talk to her friend to see if she likes me? Again, you need to be slapped. What a coward! I see 20-year-old guys doing this kind of stuff. Well, you go see if she's... What is wrong with you? Be a man! Get rejected! I mean, don't go over here and send a posse to find this person and a diplomat to go back over here to an ambassador. Send your goofy friend over to talk to her goofy friend. I mean, what kind of men are we raising? Don't do that. Don't do that. I think biblically you can be smacked if you do that. A young man should carefully evaluate his own motives as to why he's being attracted to a certain lady. Guys, you really need to be careful on these motives. The physical is a wonderful thing, but it can carry you away. Let me tell you something. I have a pretty wife. Okay? I know men that have supermodel wives and their lives are a living hell. Women don't manage the home. They don't know... It's like the one guy... One guy told me, he said, Man, a thief stole my credit card the other day. And I said, Well, have you gone to the authorities? He said, No. I said, Why not? Because he spends less money than my wife does with it. The point is, you need to find a woman you can trust. You see a woman walking down the street, a girl walking down the street. Is this the woman that I want to raise my daughter? Is this the kind of girl that I would want raising my daughter? You want a faithful woman. Now, when we talk about this faithful woman thing and submission and all these things, it scares me to talk about it because there's always these legalistic mean-spirited men who are cowards and want to find somebody to crush. That's not what submission and headship is about. Something you need to understand. The wife is to submit to her husband. The husband is to love his wife unto death. To literally die to all his selfish desires in order to serve her. Another thing you should understand is your wife is not an extension of you. One day, the Bible says she will receive a white stone from her Savior with a name written upon it, except her and Christ. Sir, you won't know it. She's a person in her own right. She belongs to God. And men, if you look at it this way, men, how many of you have daughters? Okay. I know we're Christian and everything, but how many of you would kill for your daughter? It's like, you want to really get on my bad side. You touch my daughter. Okay. Well, you're married to God's daughter. If you being evil could love your daughter so much that you would die a thousand deaths for her. If you being evil can love your daughter... And maybe this is why your prayers are... I mean, she's his daughter. You need to be very, very careful. Careful. Let's see, where are we? Okay, a young man needs to prayerfully evaluate. Are you attracted to biblical beauty or sensuality? That's a question you need to ask yourself. Now, are you attracted to virtue or personality? Man, there are some girls that are just exploding with personality, but still they have no character. You marry a woman who has no character, and you'll hate the day you did. You look for character. We need to create character in our daughters, don't we? We need to teach them. We need to create character in our sons. Alright, what should a young man do? Let's say that you're in a church, and there's this girl, and you're praying, and you think, Man, this is maybe the girl God wants for me. What should be the first thing that you do? I would say that the first thing you should do would be to seek out godly counsel from authorities that God's put over you. I would go to my father and I'd say, Father, do you think that I have developed into a man, that I could pursue a relationship with a woman? If your father says no, then that should be a great red flag for you. But fathers, please, look at the response. Look, fathers are non-existent. Let's just admit it. Come on, guys. It's our responsibility to raise these boys to be men. I will have no greater joy than to see my sons marry at 17 or 18. Not that I will demand it or even want it, but if it did happen... And you say, Brother Paul, why? Let me share with you something. And I've got to be careful here with my speech. Used to a young man might marry when he was 16. Now let's say that a young man is awakened to the opposite sex in more primitive times, when he was 12. So he has four years in which he's awakened to the beauty of a woman and he must struggle with that temptation without being able to fulfill it. Four years. Four. Four years. That's all. But now look at our society. A young man is awakened now when he's 8, 9, 10, and then for the most part doesn't get married until he's 30. So he's got to go 20 years fighting against some of the strongest temptation that can come against a man. Do you see how our society is so warped? It's almost like it's constructed in order to defeat godliness. But he should go to his father. It says, Oh, hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding. Proverbs 4.1 He should go to elders. 1 Peter 5.5 Young men, likewise, be subject to your elders. He should go to other godly Christians. Proverbs 11.14 Where there is no guidance, the people fail, but in abundance of counselors there is victory. And the one question is, have I become a man? Would you other men affirm that I am a man? No one even talks like that anymore. If father, if you tell your son no, then don't leave him there. Please, pour your life into him. Ramp up the education. Do whatever you need to do to make him a man. To help him grow into a fine man. Now, afterward, what should happen? The young man should seek permission from the authorities in the young woman's life. If she has a father, it's the father. If she has no father, it's the mother. If you're a pastor here, and you have a woman in your church that has no... But, young man, yes. Well, let's look at a couple. Well, first of all, Ephesians 6, 1 and 2. It says, Honor your father and your mother. Now, guys, you live in a culture that can't understand this. So do I. So I'm going to try to explain it as clearly as I can. Let's say it is... Tomorrow morning is October 1st. Which everybody knows is godly. It's deer season. Okay. So, I've got my truck all loaded up. And I'm just... Can't even sleep. Just looking out the window waiting for the sun to peek over the trees. But I go out at, let's say, 5 in the morning. I'm getting my truck. My truck's gone. My truck's gone. I mean, it's ugly, but it's my truck. And it's gone. So I'm pacing back and forth for about four hours trying to figure out what happened to my truck. And all of a sudden, one of you young guys comes and pulls up in my driveway with my truck. You jump out and go, throw me the keys. Thanks, Mr. Washer. I needed your truck. I've got a place where I bury guys like you. I mean, think about that. You did what? You little runt, you did what? You took... You just came into my garage and you just took my truck? You didn't even ask me? My daughter is worth a million trucks. And so you... I wept when she was born. I prayed for her for 20 years. I held her in my arms. I worked to raise her. I did everything. And you're going to come up and just take my daughter? Do you guys... Do you guys... Are you beginning to see how just... Just disgusting that is? I mean, it's just downright... Horrid. And guys, like I said also today. And... You... You walk up, smack my daughter on the back. You won't use that arm again. I mean, think about that. This is my daughter. This is my daughter. And you're going to come and just say, Hey, babe. Sup? Go with me. You... You primate. You have dishonored... There is no way in which you could dishonor me more. Do you know what her hand in marriage means? It actually... It means this. My daughter is in my hand. Her hand is in mine. Until the day I take her hand and I put her hand in yours. She's my daughter. And you've done this to me. You've done the greatest offense you possibly could do to me. Let me give you another example, young man. So you just... Because a young lady broke this up today. But this is another story. It has nothing to do with her. But... I was a godly family in another church I was in. And... They're both about 15 and 16 or something like that. Well, all the young guys at the church. You know, the young teenage guys are standing outside. You know, outside the church. Kind of standing there, you know. And... And then all of a sudden these... The family came out. You know. From the church. And the two girls came out. Before their parents. And were walking out. And I saw the young teenage guys. They go over there. Put their arm around them. Comfort them. Doing all this stuff. I wasn't the pastor. But afterwards... I walked up to this young man and I said, What do you think you just did? What do you think you just did? Are you their father? No. Are you a brother? No. It is not your place. To go to that young lady. Wrap your arms around her. And let her put... Or try to get her to put... Look. If you want to play the man. Be a man and go get yourself your own woman. Now some of you think. You are just making too big a deal out of this. No. You are in a culture. That just doesn't care about these types of things. Unless she is going to be your wife. You are hugging another man's wife. It is just not your place young man. You pray. It is not your place. To build these emotional relationships. To do these types of things. That is going to create bindings. Between you and another girl. Be careful. Be careful. I know that I sound super radical. And all these types of things. But look at your culture. Look at your culture. Now you should go to her father. Here is another thing. The young woman's father in the Old Testament. Had the right to deny permission immediately. Exodus 22, 16-17. And Numbers 30, 3-5. He had the permission. So obviously there is some asking going on here. Young man. If you go to the father. And you say. Sir I am very interested in your daughter. I really think that this is. Maybe the woman that God wants me to marry. Father. What should you do? You can shoot him. You can electrocute him. You can do all sorts of things. Now what should you do? Well. If he is a fine man. And you know he is a fine man. You should not look at him and say. Ok I give you permission. That is the worst thing you can do. You should listen to him. And say something like this. Thank you very much. I will pray about this for a couple of weeks. And I will contact you. Then you should go to your daughter. If your daughter says. Well. At the mention of your name. She gets nauseous and throws up on her shoes. You pretty much know this is not the guy. But if your daughter says. No daddy. No. Then what you should do as a dad. Is you should sit there and go. Ok honey pray about it. I respect your decision. But he is a good man. Pray about it. So she prays about it. She comes back and she says. No daddy. Then as a father. You should call that young man. And when he comes in. You do not say this. You do not say. Well I have talked to my daughter. And she says no. Because now you have put your daughter. In conflict with another man. He has at least the possibility. Of holding animosity against your daughter. And you are the man. You protect your daughter. With other men. And so you say young man. I have considered this. And I have my answer. It is no. You are taking the brunt of it. Not your daughter. And if the young man goes. Well why. He says son you just proved my point. My answer is no. Now if the girl says. You know. If the father comes in. And says so and so just came by. And says you know. He wants to have a relationship with you. Your daughter starts running around. Singing the hallelujah chorus. Now that is something else isn't it. So you still tell her. Honey pray about it. Your mother will pray about it. And we will pray about it. But ultimately if the girl. If she has been taught. And she is wise and she is mature. Then we need to let her. If we are in agreement. This is a fine man. We need to let her make the decision. By all means. Then when she says yes. Then what should happen. In a perfect world. Then. Then I will probably. Talk to his parents. And what will we try to do. We will try to create. Create the best scenario. Where our two children. Can get to know each other. Without falling into immorality. Now let me just share something with you. Parents. Parents who are even wise. With regard to other children. Are really dumb. With regard to their own. Parents let me just put it this way. You put two young people. Who are attracted to one another. For a long enough time. And they are going to fall. It is not a question of if. It is only a question of when. That is why they had parlors. In those old homes. Because it was a big open space. Kind of a door. Was like this. The young couple could sit there. They could talk. They could get to know one another. And father would pass by. Unannounced with a muzzle loader. The whole point is. It is not that they can only meet in your house. Or this or that. But the point is. You need to create parameters. Where these young people are not left alone. Now young persons. You will be told that. Well how are you going to marry somebody. I mean if you don't. If you don't kiss them. Or hug them or something. How do you know this is the person. Listen. Physical contact. Among two Christians. Who are sincerely seeking the Lord. It never promotes. The relationship. Or adds clarity to the decision. Of whether or not they ought to be married. It causes confusion. Because here is what is going to happen. If you are with a girl long enough. Unguarded and unrestrained. Sooner or later something is going to happen. Again if you say it is not. You are committing the sin of trusting yourself. The Bible tells us. To enter into hand to hand combat. With the devil. Resist the devil. He will flee from you. We wrestle not with flesh and blood. But Paul told Timothy. That young men should flee immorality. They shouldn't fight it. They should run from it. That means you should never. Put yourself in a situation. Where you have to overcome temptation. You should avoid the temptation all together. Okay. And so. Young guys. You are with a young girl. That you really think this is the one. And you have tried to be biblical. You are together too much. And all of a sudden. One night something happens. What is going to happen from that? Is there going to be greater clarity? Absolutely not. Is it going to promote the relationship? No. Here is what is going to happen. The young man is going to feel like an utter failure. And full of shame. Here I am supposed to be a spiritual leader. And I have already led her down a wrong path. The girl is going to be ashamed. Thinking I am supposed to be a pure woman of God. And look what. It is just going to cause horrible. It doesn't help at all. That aspect. Is one of the most wonderful gifts. God has ever given us. A physical relationship. It is wonderful. It has it's purpose in God's economy. But it has it's place. Within the context of marriage. A young man came to me one time. A seminarian. He was weeping. This kid was a man's man. What on earth is happening? He said, Brother Paul. I am dating. We are going out. We are courting. I knew the girl. I knew she was very godly. But sometimes. When we are together. I just do things I shouldn't do. We feel ashamed. I don't know what to do. What do your counselors tell you to do? The counselors at school say. These are hard things. Temptations. I need to be reading the word. I need to be in prayer. Please go back and tell them. Because they were. They were. They were. The Bible doesn't tell you. To get strong enough. In order to enter in. To a place of temptation. Where the same Bible warns you. Not to enter in. You are not strong enough. To fight temptation. With regard to immorality. He says flee from it. And it is the job of the parent. To not be oppressive. And all this crazy stuff. That sometimes goes on. In the name of courtship. But to create parameters. So that a relationship. Can develop. Now girls. Let me tell you one last thing. Gosh. There is so much stuff to tell you. But girls. Let's say that you get into a relationship. Courtship. Your parents are gung ho about this guy. I mean if you don't marry him. Your mom will. I mean the whole family just loves him. And you know what I am talking about. Everybody is like you need to marry this guy. You need to marry this guy. And you enter into a couple. And all this kind of stuff. But then you begin to see. This is not. This is not. This is not the man. Don't let the fact. That everybody is gung ho about this. And you think they got expectations. Don't let that. Manipulate you. And to keep going. In a relationship. That you think should not be. And father. I don't care if everybody in the church is for this. If your little daughter comes to you. And says daddy this is just not right. Then you stand up and say okay. I am with you. Don't let her get. I see this. They are afraid. The church is going to think I am ungodly. The church is going to think I am foolish. I mean after all this is a good guy. And you see your daughter start trying to convince herself. Why she should keep going in this relationship. Father stand up and put a stop to it. Protect her. Now again. There is about another 20 hours of this stuff. But maybe these are some things. That will just help you. Okay. Alright.