234 Sermon Illustrations on Family

Erma Bombeck, in an uncharacteristically serious FD column, wrote about that hunger: "One morning my father didn't get up and go to work. He went to the hospital and died the next day. I hadn't thought that much about him before. He was just someone who left and came home and seemed glad to see everyone at night. He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood that when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures ... but he was never in them. Whenever I played house, the mother doll had a lot to do. I never knew what to do with the daddy doll, so I had him say, "I'm going off to work now" and threw him under the bed. The funeral was in our living room and a lot of people came and brought all kinds of good food and cakes. We had never had so much company before. I went to my room and felt under the bed for the daddy doll. When I found him I dusted him off and put him on my bed. He never did anything. I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much."

______________

(Erma Bombeck, The Ties that Bind ... And Gag! [NY: McGraw-Hill Book Co., 1987], p. 2)

It was the day of our class elections - and I hoped to be elected class president that day. I lost by two votes. Later, I found out that my girlfriend and my best friend had somehow gotten so busy that day, they hadn't gotten around to voting. While subsequent events showed me what better plans God had for that year, I wasn't too happy on that election day. Especially with two people who were pretty close to me.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Missing the Votes that Really Count."

Hey, it hurts when the people closest to you don't vote for you ... especially if it's your family. Something's wrong if the people who know you best aren't on the list of people who admire you, and respect you, and trust you.

God seems to think that it's pretty important to have your family in your corner. He makes that priority clear even when He's spelling out the job qualifications for those aspiring to spiritual leadership. In 1 Timothy 3:4-5, our word for today from the Word of God, here's what He says about spiritual leaders: "He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?" In other words, if a person is having problems in his relationships at home, don't spread that infection to the church.

Now, the issue here is really larger than just church leaders. It's clear that God places a high priority on how each of us is doing with our wife, our husband, our children, our parents. In Proverbs 14:1, God describes the difference between a wise and a foolish woman, for example - "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down" A woman has incredible power to either build her family up or tear them down. Later in that same chapter, God tells us that, "He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." So, a man is either giving his loved ones a place where they feel safe - or another battlefield.

It may be that you have the votes of folks at work - they think you're great. You may have the votes of the people who know the public you -charming, giving. And the folks at church may hold you in high regard, as well. But none of that is what matters most. What matters is what your husband or wife thinks of you, your children, your parents. They see the real you. None of the fancy speeches or public acclaim or public image matters to them - they care if you are someone who puts others first or yourself first, if your actions at home measure up to your words outside the home, if you keep your promises or break them. Your family cares if you lie or tell the truth, if you put them first or they only get your leftovers, if they feel safe in your love ... if you build them up or tear them down.

And those are things that really matter to God. If you want to see what a person is really like, see what their family thinks of them. They know you without the image, without the mask, without the nice speeches. There is no greater honor than to have your family consider you a hero. There's no greater disgrace than to have your family not believe in you. If you don't carry your home precinct, you lose. You have nothing more important to do than to be what they need you to be.

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. 'Practical Answers to Real Life Issues'

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A recent article in Christianity Today gives these suprising statistics that point to a direct link between spirituality and success in forging a long-term intimate relationship. Tim Stafford's article is called: "Why Prayer Beats Playboy(CT: 2/7/94) and he quotes this finding: "....surveying married people, the most powerful correlate of marital happiness (was) praying together. Couples who pray together often are twice as likely to describe their marriages as being in the falling-in-love stage as those who pray less often. They also report higher sexual satisfaction and more sexual ecstasy." Build your marriage by praying!

Most of the time we as fathers are unaware of that impact. I was reminded this past week when I looked at Zachary's kindergarten report card. Under the entry, "Prints his name correctly" Zachary got a "P" for "part of the time" rather than a "M" for "most of the time." An explanatory note from the teacher said, "Zachary reverts to all capital letters frequently." Want to guess who prints in all capital letters? Guess where Zachary learned it! (I print my letters in all capitals!)

Chaplain's Thoughts

April 6, 1999

Parents Certainly Are Misunderstood!

By Steven C. Staats

You thought you were happily smiling at your child from a hard stadium seat or a hot packed auditorium,

But your child looked at your face and saw approval of him and joy in what he was doing.

You thought that you were just patting him on the back or on the head or just ruffling his hair,

But your child cherished the warm loving touch and his heart was brightened.

You thought you were reading a bedtime story with all the funny and scary voices,

But your child enjoyed the fact you read every word even though he had heard them a hundred times before.

You thought you were letting your child help paint the house even though the paint got kind of runny and drippy in places,

But your child knew that you were working together as a family and felt a sense of accomplishment as a family.

You thought you were singing silly songs or counting the cows on a long boring trip,

But your child learned that it was fun being together no matter where you were.

You thought you were spending a few minutes of your time by throwing a ball in the back yard or baking some cookies,

But your child, who realized that your time is precious, knew you were investing it in him.

You thought that you asked your child's opinion about something that wasn't too important,

But your child thought you asked because his opinions and thoughts were important.

You thought you were being a good host by inviting your child's friends in for a cool snack on a warm summer day,

But your child knew that his friends were important to you and always welcome in your home.

You thought the tears in your eyes went unnoticed when your child accomplished an important goal in his life,

But your child knew that he was deeply embedded in your heart and you sensed his accomplishment.

You thought that the refrigerator was as good of a place as any for hanging all the art work and "well done" papers that came home from school,

But your child felt important when he came home from school each day with something to show you and tack up in his personal hall of fame.

You thought you gave your child some simple chore or job to do and told him, "Well done.", with a smile when he did it,

But your child learned responsibility and began to realize he could tackle even tougher things.

You thought you were helping a troubled restless child get some sleep by fixing a cup of hot cocoa,

But your child felt that you were opening your heart around a kitchen table and making all the problems a lot smaller.

You thought the vacation wasn't much of a success because the fish didn't bite and the sun didn't shine,

But your child still remembers everything that happened and he still laughs at all of the funny parts.

You thought you were just pointing out the words in the church hymn book with your child's finger as he tried to sing along,

But your child learned that singing praises to God in worship was important.

You thought you were just giving him a quick hug at a special moment or "just because",

But your child carried it with him for a long time, because what you really said was, "I'm proud of you!", or "I love you!"

You thought you were just giving him a little kiss on the cheek to tell him good bye as he left for school,

But your child felt warm and loved because he knew there would be another one waiting for him when he got home.

Come to think of it, there are a lot of times when parents really are misunderstood!

LET US PRAY:

Lord, move us to be good parents and grandparents of the children that you give us.

AMEN!

LAUGHTER IN THE WALLS

Bob Benson

I pass a lot of houses on my way home, some pretty, some expensive, some inviting, but my heart always skips a beat when I turn down the road and see my house nestled against the hill. I guess I'm especially proud of the house and the way it looks because I drew the plans myself. It started out large enough for us-- I even had a study; two teenage boys now reside in there. And it had a guest room; my girl and nine dolls are permanent guests. It had a small room Peg had hoped would be her sewing room; the two boys swinging on the Dutch door have claimed this room as their own.

So it really doesn't look right now as if I'm much of an architect. But it will get larger again. One by one they will go away-- to work, to college, to the service, to their own houses. And then there will be room-- a guest room, a study, and a sewing room-- for just the two of us.

But it won't be empty; every corner, every room, every nick in the coffee table will be crowded with memories-- memories of picnics, parties, Christmases, bedside vigils, summers, fires, doing dishes, winters, going barefoot, leaving for vacation, cats, conversations, black eyes, graduations, first dates, ballgames, doing dishes, arguments, washing dishes, bicycles, dogs, boat rides, getting home from vacation, meals, rabbits and a thousand other things that fill the lives of those who would raise five. And Peg and I will sit quietly by the fire and listen to the laughter in the walls.

Avenue B church of Christ bulletin, Ballinger, TX

In 1947, sociologist and historian Carle Zimmerman, in his book FAMILY AND CIVILIZATION, compared the disintegration of various cultures with the parallel decline of family life in those cultures. He found eight specific patterns of domestic behavior that typified the downward spiral of each culture he studied.

1. Marriage loses it sacredness and is frequently broken by divorce.

2. The traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.

3. Feminist movements abound.

4. Increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general.

5. Acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity and rebellion.

6. Refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities.

7. Growing desire for, and acceptance of adultery.

8. Increasing interest in and spread of, sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.

- P. J. Burtch

- PULPIT HELPS, July, 1991

A young man bound for the mission field found himself seated on an airplane next to Billy Graham. He eagerly told the famed evangelist how he was on his way to some remote mission station, where he confidently expected to lead many heathen to the Lord. Graham said that was wonderful news. Then he asked how many souls the young missionary had brought to Jesus in his family or neighborhood. Looking a little downcast and distracted, the young man responded that he had not brought anyone to the Lord yet - and then he commenced to offer a series of contrived excuses for why it was so difficult to produce converts in his hometown.

After a prayerful pause, Graham soberly advised the young man to return home, saying, “If you have not been successful in reaching anybody in your family or neighborhood, it is likely you’ll not experience success in a foreign land either.”

________

Doug Batchelor in BROKEN CHAINS (Pacific Press 2004)

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #1896]

Humphrey Lee reminds us of the experience of visiting a small airport and watching a plane take off at night. "As the plane heads its nose down the runway, an attendant turns a switch, and a pencil of light is thrown along the path of the plane. The plane makes its way along that thread of light until it rises gracefully from the ground and makes its way into the dark. The attendant then switches off this beam of light. He has done all that he could do. He has not dispelled the darkness--but he has helped the pilot off to a good start."

TREASURY OF THE CHRISTIAN FAITH, p. 140.

"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have."

- Ring Lardner

- _Instant Quotation Dictionary_, p. 129.

Seven Worst Things Parents Can Do:

==================================

1. Put Your Marriage Last - its wrong modeling need to teach them how to have a meaningful marriage relationship. If your marriage fails its the biggest way you will hurt your kids.

2. Babying Your Child

Doing for them things they could do for themselves. It robs them of self-confidence when you don't allow them to take their own responsibility.

3. Failing to give you kids structure.

4. Being your child's best friend.

If you put all your concerns on them as a child and share your emotional struggles rather than with an adult friend or your marriage partner, you are robbing them of their childhood. (Not that you don't share any details about your life with them.)

5. Pushing your children into too many activities.

Don't forget, your child wants you, not just a buzz of activities that keeps them spinning. They want your love and attention. Too many activities keeps them too busy to evaluate life and keeps them from properly forming a life philosophy and world perspective.

6. Expecting your child to fulfill your dreams

So important for a parent to accept that your child is their own person. They are not a little version of you. They have similarities, and resemblances but a unique calling who they are supposed to be.

7. Ignoring your emotional & spiritual life.

You need to help your child identify their inner life and lead them to the right source of strength. (As a Christian it means developing an awareness of Christ and a maintaining a personal walk with God.)

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[Original illustration at this number was added to HolwickID #11835]

I’ve only been to Israel once, and that was only for a short visit - but I will never forget the thrill of seeing the places where Jesus walked when He was here, and watching all those names and places in the Bible suddenly come alive. It was really one of the highlights of my life - except for one thing. I went alone, on my way back home from a ministry trip to Africa. As I stood on the Mount of Olives, as I walked the streets of old Jerusalem, as I experienced the feel of Capernaum and the Sea of Galilee, I kept thinking, "I want my wife to see all of this. I want to experience this with my kids!" Yeah, Israel was terrific ... but I really wanted to share it with the people I love.

Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Missing Those You Love."

I guess that’s just the way it is when you’re enjoying a special place - you want the people you care about to be there, sharing it with you. That must include the most special place of all - heaven.

Imagine that you get to heaven and you see Jesus. After you fall on your face in adoration and awe, you begin to thank Him for all He did to get you to heaven. And then you ask a question that’s been on your mind since you arrived ... "Lord, is Scott here? Is Linda here?" What if Jesus says, "Oh, did you bring him? Did you bring her?" See, Jesus was counting on you to help those people you love understand what He did for them on the cross - and to point them to the only One who could get them to heaven.

In our word for today from the Word of God, Paul anticipated the joys he was expecting when he got to heaven. In 1 Thessalonians 1:19-20, he says, "For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when He comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy." Now, when Paul sees Jesus, his joy is going to be that the people he loved - that he loved enough to introduce to Jesus - will be there with him.

I wonder who you’ll be looking for when you get to heaven - people who, as far as you know, may not be headed there right now. If you want them to be there in heaven with you, you’ll have to tell them how they can know the Savior who died to get them there. In fact, that’s why God has you in their lives - to help them go to heaven with you. How are you doing? There are very few sadnesses deeper in life than standing by the casket of someone you could have told about Christ - you should have told about Christ - but you didn’t. We can’t have any of those opportunities back, but we do have the friends and neighbors and co-workers and loved ones who are still with us. And we still have time to tell them. But no one knows how much time.

This very day, you could start praying what I call the "3-open prayer." First, "Lord, open a door" - that’s a natural, God-given opportunity to bring up your relationship with Jesus Christ. Then, "Lord, open their heart." And finally, "Lord, open my mouth." You don’t even have to pray, "If it’s Your will" - it is His will. "Lord, open a door. Lord, open their heart. Lord, open my mouth." Begin to seek and pursue opportunities to tell the people in your personal world about the Son of God who paid for their sin so they don’t have to.

If there are people you want to have in heaven with you, well please - while there’s time - share with them the message that will get them there.

________________

Copyright © Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc., PO Box 400, Harrison, AR 72602. Used by permission. Written by Ron Hutchcraft. "Practical Answers to Real Life Issues"

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In Japan, many workers are finding themselves either too busy or too stressed to visit their parents. An enterprising business is now offering a solution for lonely parents. For $1,130 a day, the Japan Efficiency Headquarters company will send actors to provide "family" time. The actors have been trained in psychology to ensure a more realistic family visit.(1)

It is sad commentary on our times that families have become so fragmented and splintered some must hire a surrogate family to provide companionship.

- David Charlton, {Proclaim}

1. "Families For Hire," The Christian Reader, Nov/Dec 1992, p. 75.

A family is more than a collection of human beings who are blood kin. A family is more than the sum of its parts. It is a living, shaping, powerful unit that teaches us our most important lessons in life. It teaches us who we are, how to act, whom to relate to, and what is important in life.

- Kay Shurden, {Formations, Learner's Study Guide} May-August 1997, p. 4.

In her best-seller, {What Is a Family?, }Edith Schaeffer devotes her longest chapter to the idea that a family is a {perpetual relay of truth.} A place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living. Where character traits are sculptured under the watchful eyes of moms and dads. Where steel-strong fibers are woven into the fabric of inner constitution.

The relay place. A race with a hundred batons.

* {Determination. }"Stick with it, regardless.

" {*Honesty. }"Speak and live the truth - always.

" {*Responsibility. }"Be dependable, be trustworthy.

" {*Thoughtfulness. }"Think of others before yourself.

" {*Confidentiality.} "Don't tell secrets. Seal your lips.

" {*Punctuality. }"Be on time.

" {* Self-control. }"When under stress, stay calm.

" {* Patience.} "Fight irriatability. Be willing to wait.

" {* Purity.} "Reject anything that lowers your standards.

" {* Compassion.} "When another hurts, feel it with him.

" {* Diligence.} "Work hard. Tough it out."

And how is this done? Over the long haul, believe me. This race is not a sprint, it's a marathon. There are no 50-yard dash courses on character building. Relays require right timing and smoot handoffs - practiced around the track hour after hour when nobody is looking. And where is this practice track? Where is this place where rough edges cannot remain hidden, must not be left untouched? Inside your own front door. {The home} is God's built-in training facility.

That's why He urged all the dads in Moses' day to relay the truth: {. . . and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of } {them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and} {when you lie down and when you rise up }(\reference{Deuteronomy 6:7}{Deuteronomy 6:7})

- Charles R. Swindoll, {Man to Man }(Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1996) 36

In the fourth century A.D., the great Roman Empire was crumbling and persecution against Christians was increasing. During that time, many Christians fled Rome to escape the pagan society as much as persecution. A certain Christian living in Rome discovered a novel idea designed for escaping persecution and paganism, without leaving Rome.

In the ruins of a large building, he found a freestanding 60-foot pillar. In spite of difficulty and with great skill, he managed to construct a crude ladder and climb his way to the top of the pillar. He then kicked away the ladder and watched it shatter into pieces as it hit the ground. There was no turning back now, no way of escape. And for the next 30 years, he called the top of this pillar "home."

How did he survive all those years on a pillar 60 feet above ground? Well, when he climbed to the top, he had the foresight to take a rope and a bucket with him. On occasion he would lower the rope and people passing by would drop food in the bucket, or fill it with water, and he would pull up the rope. Believe it or not, this became somewhat of a trend among the early Christians. Others began to climb to the top of abandoned pillars and take up residence. These people colloquially came to be called "Pillar Saints." Akin to these "Pillar Saints" were hermits who retreated to the barrenness of the desert to live in solitude. Many influential early Christian writings came from these "Desert Fathers." [Holwick - this seems to be an allusion to Simon Stylites, who lived in Syria and not Rome.]

You have to respect the desire of these early Christians to escape the influence of the sinful world in order to give full concentration to a relationship with God. However, these "Pillar Saints" and "Desert Fathers" overlooked an essential element of spirituality: a right relationship with other people. God designed us in such a way that, if we're not rightly related to others, especially our families, we cannot be completely happy. We all want and need good, positive, happy relationships with our families, friends and coworkers. But for many, these relationships aren't working like they were meant to work. Many people don't feel fulfilled in their role as a parent, or husband, or wife, or coworker, or friend. In fact many people are simply frustrated with their relationships, and they wonder what it takes to have good relationships. The Bible clearly gives us the answer to uncovering the mysteries of good relationships. Let's focus right now on family relationships.

The Scriptures show us "what it takes" to have strong family relationships. Proverbs 17:17 states, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." From this truth, we learn how we can experience a healthy family. We must learn that to experience healthy family relationships, we must commit to loyalty and learn to love. A family member stays with you no matter what.

Our family members are, yes, fallible; they will make mistakes. Sometimes they make huge mistakes. Are you committed to them only as long as they do what you want them to do? Building a great family is about commitment. It begins with a commitment to give those people close to you your undying loyalty -- even when they let you down, when they desert you, when they fail. You don't have to condone what they have done, but you can continue be loyal.

This brings us to the second part of the biblical truth: a healthy family commits to love. The Scripture reads, "A friend loves at all times." We live in a society that equates love with emotion. Most people think love is something you feel. And, of course, there are feelings associated with love. But here is the truth: Love is more than a feeling; it is something you do.

Love is a commitment you make that is stronger than any feelings you might have. Love is an attitude that says, "I want what is best for you." Too often what we masquerade as concern for others is really just an attempt to get them to do what we want them to do, rather than what is best for them. When we commit to loyalty and commit to love in our family, we will find that these relationships will grow and develop, be strengthened and be renewed under God's mighty hand. Commit to loyalty and love in your family today.

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A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it. I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know, the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whomever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles."

I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital." He continued, "Let me tell you something, Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of " a thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic.

The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years." "Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3,900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."

"It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy." "So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1,000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away." "I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again."

You could have heard a pin drop on the radio when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles.

[for a similar illustration, see #1572]

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The 16th- and 17th-century Puritans stand as proof that 21st-century Christians can build their understanding of marriage and family upon the foundation of Scripture, according to Erroll Hulse. The Puritans -- often falsely maligned as long-faced killjoy Christians -- have much to teach modern believers by their biblical understanding and example in marriage and family.

Hulse is an associate pastor of Leeds Reformed Baptist Church in Yorkshire, England. He is editor of Reformation Today magazine and has authored a number of books including "An Introduction to the Puritans."

Hulse voiced credit to three generations of Puritan pastors for establishing today's understanding of Christian marriage, family and the home.

"Since about the 1960s a massive spiritual attack has been made on the Christian view of marriage and family," Hulse said. "We should follow the example of the Puritans to seek to restore the honor of marriage after the damage done to that institution by the liberal establishment.

"We must pray for leadership, that is, for contemporary reformers, and pray for and work toward a major recovery of biblical thinking about sex and marriage in our generation."

The Puritans lived in the 16th and 17th centuries first in England and later in America. They were called "Puritans" because they sought to purify the Church of England of all remaining vestiges of medieval Roman Catholicism and establish a more biblical understanding of faith, practice and worship.

While Baptists would heartily disagree with their decision to remain in a state-sanctioned church, Hulse said contemporary Baptists can learn much from both their belief and practice. The Puritans sought to be truly pious in their daily living and strong in their understanding of Scripture, bringing it to bear on every facet of life.

Puritans who are still widely read today include John Bunyan, author of "Pilgrim's Progress," John Owen, Matthew Henry and Richard Baxter.

Primary among the Puritan understanding of family was their belief that the Scriptures firmly establish both marriage and sex as gifts ordained by God. The Puritans saw sex within marriage as existing both for procreation and pleasure.

"Leland Ryken has well said the Puritan doctrine of sex was a watershed in the cultural history of the West," Hulse said. "The Puritans devalued celibacy, glorified marriage, affirmed married sex as both necessary and pure, established the ideal of wedded romantic love, and exalted the role of the wife."

With nearly 60 percent of marriages among professed believers ending in divorce today, Hulse said the Puritan teaching on marriage serves as a biblical remedy to our "quickie-divorce" culture.

Said Hulse, "The Puritan ethic of marriage was not to look for a partner whom you do love passionately at this moment, but rather for one you can love steadily as your best friend for life, and then proceed with God's help to do just that.

"Thomas Manton declared that marriages are made in heaven before they are made on earth, and Daniel Rogers, son of [Puritan preacher] John Rogers of Dedham commented on what today we call 'falling in love' like this: 'Marriage love is often a secret work of God, pitching the heart of one party upon another for no known cause; and therefore when this strong lodestone attracts each to the other, no further questions need to be made but such a man and such a woman's match were made in heaven, and God has brought them together.'"

Puritans took the stated order of matrimony found in the Church of England's "Book of Common Prayer" and reversed it. The Book of Prayer order posited that matrimony is first ordained for procreation, second as a remedy against fornication and third for "the mutual society, help and comfort that the one ought to have for the other."

The Puritans reversed this order and Baptists recognized this change in the marriage article in The Baptist Confession of Faith of 1869 which reads: "God instituted marriages for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind in accordance with his laws and for the prevention of immorality."

The Puritans held forth a clearly biblical foundation for the duties of husbands and wives based upon Genesis 2 and Ephesians 5, Hulse said. They saw the first duty of husbands and wives as to love each other entirely in accord with Ephesians 5:25,28 and 33. Husbands and wives also were to be helpers of each other's salvation. The article on marriage in the Baptist Faith & Message 2000 reflects this view.

Said Hulse, "They were to stir up each other to faith, love and obedience, and good works; to warn and help each other against sin and all temptations; to join in God's worship in the family and in private; to prepare each other for the approach of death and comfort each other in the hope of eternal life."

For the husband and father, the Puritans asserted the biblical doctrine of headship. That is, the husband and father is the accountable head for what takes place in the family and is the provider for and protector of his wife and children, Hulse said. The husband is responsible for the spiritual development and biblical instruction of the wife and children.

Fathers sought to equip their sons and daughters with a thorough knowledge of Scripture beginning at an early age, he said.

"The headship is not a ticket to privilege but a charge to responsibility," Hulse said. "It is not tyranny, but leadership based on love."

To the Puritans, concern for family extended to live-in servants and the elderly, who were cared for in the home until death and not relegated to retirement homes, he said.

"The Puritans esteemed the family as the basic unit of society and aimed that it be a little church in itself with the husband as its pastor and his wife as assistant," Hulse said. "Puritan pastors believed fervently that the family was the foundational unit of a godly society.

"The Puritan ethic was to train up children in the way they should go, to care for their bodies and souls together, and to educate them for sober, godly, socially useful adult living. The Puritan way of home life was based on maintaining order, courtesy and family worship."

*

Family

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and mother" she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

PRIORITIES

(FAMILY)

Dear Heavenly Father, can you forgive me for hurting my children?

I came from a poor background so I thought that a big house would make my children feel important. I didn't realize that all it takes is my love.

I thought money would bring them happiness, but all it did was make them think that things were more important than people.

I thought spanking them would make them tough so that they could defend themselves. All it did was stop me from seeking wisdom so that I could discipline and teach them.

I thought that leaving them alone would make them independent. All it did was force my one son to be the father to my second son.

I thought that by smoothing over all of the family problems I was keeping peace. All I was teaching them was to run rather than lead.

I thought that by pretending to be the perfect family in public that I was bringing them respectability. All I was teaching them was to live a lie and keep the secret.

I thought that all I had to do to be a father was make money, stay at home and supply all their material needs. All I taught them was that there is more to being a dad. The problem is they will have to guess what being a dad really is.

And Dear God,

I hope you can read this prayer. My tears have smudged a lot of words.

Stories From The Heart

Alice Gray, Multnomah, p. 172.

Adultery

A third-grade Sunday school teacher was uneasy about the day's lesson: "Thou shalt not commit adultery." By way of introduction, she asked, "Would someone please explain what adultery means?"

A young sage answered matter-of-factly, "Adultery is when a kid lies about his age."

-Jonathan R.Mutchler Blaine, Washington

Budgets

The bad news: the average American has just $83.42 in the bank.

The good news: The average American is $4.6 trillion richer than the U.S. government.

-Hope Health Letter (2/96)

Communication

A woman answered the knock at her door and found a destitute man. He wanted to earn money by doing odd jobs, so she asked, "Can you paint?"

"Yes," he said. "I'm a pretty good painter."

"Well, here's a gallon of green paint and a brush. Go behind the house and you'll see a porch that needs repainting. Be very careful. When you're done, I'll look it over and pay you what it's worth."

It wasn't more than an hour before he knocked again. "All finished," he reported with a smile.

"Did you do a good job?" she asked.

"Yes. But lady, there's one thing I'd like to point out to you. That's not a Porsche back there. That's a Mercedes."

The message we send is not always the message that's received.

-Bruce Thielemann Preaching Today

Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you, and nobody's listening.

-Bill Clinton

Someone told me that a commencement speaker is like the body at an Irish wake. They need you in order to have a party, but nobody expects you to say very much.

-Anthony Lake National Security Adviser, commencement speaker at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst

Family

Isn't this nice? We're a typical nuclear family. Yeah. . .one meltdown after another.

-Tribune Media Services

Honesty

A troubled man sought counsel from a therapist: "Doctor, everyone calls me a liar."

"Oh, come on now," said the counselor. "I can't believe that."

-The Light (Issue 11)

Golf - Taking Action

A golfer's errant shot ended up on an ant hill. He squared up, took a big swing--and missed. Thousands of innocent ants were killed. The hacker took another swing--and missed again. Another wave of ants was destroyed. Panic-stricken insects scurried everywhere.

One ant finally took charge. "Follow me," he cried with authority. Another ant yelled, "But where are we going?"

He pointed to the Titleist golf ball sitting in front of them. "There. If we don't get on the ball, we're going to die!"

Copyright(c) 1996 by Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP journal

Summer 1996 Vol.XVII, No.3, Page 71

A fully loaded mini van pulled into a campsite; four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."

The proud father responded, "I have a system!"

"Oh, really! What is it? I'd like to know."

"It's simple, no one goes to the bathroom till our camp is set up!"

________________

Source/Attribution: Clean Laffs, www.cleanlaffs.com (13 June 2001); SIEW

*

The endearing character of Tevye in the Broadway musical "Fiddler on the Roof" understood the importance of passing on family traditions.

"Any type of family tradition gives us a sense of comfort -- we know what to expect," Jeffrey Stotik, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Mobile, said, adding, "Just about all families have some type of holiday tradition.

"Traditions provide us with a sense of security. They are psychologically and socially comforting. The familiarity of family traditions is particularly important, especially today, with all the anxiety people are experiencing after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks," he noted.

Richard Tucker, minister of family and singles at Huffman Baptist Church, Birmingham, Ala., said his family's holiday tradition is one that is becoming less and less common among families living in the state's metropolitan areas. Since 1987 he and his wife, Angie, have been taking their children to a tree farm in the country where they pick out their favorite tree and then cut it themselves. Part of the ritual of their tree-cutting excursion includes a hayride on the farm's wagon, drinking hot chocolate and petting the farm's animals.

Each of the Tucker children, 15-year-old Bradley, 13-year-old Jana and 9-year-old Landon, search the rows of the different variety of trees until they locate their favorite. After their mother makes the final decision, their father has the job of sawing the tree down, dragging it to the family car and securing it to the vehicle.

Tucker said it is a tradition they all look forward to each year and they usually get their tree by the first week in December. Although the tree farm they have gone to for years has closed, they have found another one that provides all the same amenities except the farm animals.

"We usually spend a few hours at the tree farm and then go home and decorate the tree the same day," he said.

For the Campbell family, also of Birmingham, their Christmas tradition revolves around the senses of taste and smell. Ever since Don and his wife of 25 years, Debbie, have been married, she has been preparing homemade cinnamon rolls every Christmas morning. This family tradition is something their two children, 20-year-old Cliff and 16-year-old Kathryn, expect every year. "To them, this is as much a part of Christmas as our tree -- they wouldn't have it any other way. It wouldn't be Christmas to them without the cinnamon rolls," Debbie Campbell said.

Last year Cliff asked his mom if she would teach him how to make the rolls so that he could continue the tradition when he has his own family. Don, who is minister of music at First Baptist Church in Birmingham, said when he detects the aroma of cinnamon rolls in the air he knows it's Christmas.

Like the Campbell family, Otis Bentley, director of missions for Alabama's Randolph Baptist Association, said his family's Christmas tradition is eating homemade rolls on Christmas morning, but they have orange rolls. "My wife has been cooking them every Christmas morning for the past 30 years. Even though our two daughters are grown, they still manage to be at the house on Christmas morning for the orange rolls," he said with a chuckle. "Those orange rolls are the highlight of my morning," he said.

For Chuck Francisco, pastor of Montgomery (Ala.) Baptist Association's Friendship Baptist Church, and his wife, Gladys, their family tradition is a quiet devotional time every Christmas Eve. "We have dinner, open our gifts with our two grown daughters and then we have a devotion thanking God for the blessings of the past year," Gladys said. "We've been doing this for 37 years. It's our family time together," she said, explaining that Christmas Day is reserved for relatives.

Some families have a number of Christmas traditions that fill their holidays. Such is the case with Rita and Wendell Bennett and their two young children, 5-year-old Hollie and 7-year-old Ethan. Wendell, who has been serving as bivocational pastor of Muscle Shoals Baptist Association's Harmony Baptist Church in Moulton, Ala., for eight years, reserves one night during the holiday season when he, Hollie and Ethan spend the evening making chocolate-covered cherry treats. "It's a very simple thing to make but it is something we all look forward to doing together," Rita said.

Another family tradition Rita particularly enjoys is having Wendell become chef on Christmas morning when he prepares an elaborate brunch. Along with the immediate family, Wendell's parents and Rita's mother all sit down to enjoy a feast that includes hand-squeezed orange juice, ham, bacon, sausage, tenderloin, fried and scrambled eggs, grits and biscuits. "This is quite a feat for Wendell because as a rule he doesn't cook, but he does a great job with our annual Christmas brunch," Rita said. "It's his treat to us and he enjoys preparing it as much as we enjoy eating it."

Rita said another tradition she has started with her children is the lighting of a candle for their evening devotional time during Advent. "It's dark and we just have the candle burning and we talk about the meaning of Christmas and we talk to God," she said.

"These times are just so special for us," she said. "Traditions are so important because they create identity in children and they also make us take time from our busy schedules to spend time with our family."

Rita stressed the importance of making sure children understand the true meaning of Christmas and that they "not just focus on gift-giving." In keeping with this philosophy, she has created two innovative ways of incorporating this ideal into fun activities that she says will continue to be Christmas traditions for her family.

A few years ago she purchased cookie cutters that represent Christmas symbols such as an angel, cross, dove, tree and heart. As she and her children make cookies every year, she explains what each symbol stands for in regard to Christ and the meaning of his birth. She also has Christmas ornaments of baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wise men and they revisit the Christmas story again during the family's tree decorating time. "We try to stress the importance of Christ being the center of Christmas," she said.

"That's why I think these Christmas traditions we have started are an important way of helping the children understand why we truly celebrate Christmas. These are traditions that I hope they will pass on to their children," she said.

*

"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened, and maintained."

-- Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965), British prime minister

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces."

-- George Santayana

"Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice."

-- Reinhold Niebuhr

"None but a mule denies his family."

-- Anonymous

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

-- Ogden Nash

"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have."

-- Ring Lardner

"He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too."

-- Benjamin Franklin

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven."

-- John Bowring

"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended--and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended."

-- Robert Frost

"Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other."

-- Ed Howe

"I would rather start a family than finish one."

-- Don Marquis

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

-- George Bernard Shaw

“One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community.”

-- Albert Einstein

“What a father says to his children is not heard by the world; but it will be heard by posterity.”

-- Jean Paul Richter

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children one of the greatest of all blessings.”

-- Brian Tracy

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”

-- Josh Billings (Reader’s Digest, March 2002)

"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children."

-- King Edward VIII

". . .churches alone do not and cannot have much influence on children. In fact, the greatest influence a church may have in affecting children is by impacting their parents."

-- George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting, p.xvii

“The Hebrew word for parents is horim, and it comes from the same root as moreh, teacher. The parent is, and remains, the first and most important teacher that the child will ever have.”

-- Rabbi Kassel Abelson, SermonCentral.com

”Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” — Jim Rohn

“One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community.” — Albert Einstein

“What a father says to his children is not heard by the world; but it will be heard by posterity.” – Jean Paul Richter

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children one of the greatest of all blessings.” — Brian Tracy

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while” – Josh Billings (Reader’s Digest, March 2002)