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Two Becoming One
Bob Hoekstra

Robert Lee “Bob” Hoekstra (1940 - 2011). American pastor, Bible teacher, and ministry director born in Southern California. Converted in his early 20s, he graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary with a Master of Theology in 1973. Ordained in 1967, he pastored Calvary Bible Church in Dallas, Texas, for 14 years (1970s-1980s), then Calvary Chapel Irvine, California, for 11 years (1980s-1990s). In the early 1970s, he founded Living in Christ Ministries (LICM), a teaching outreach, and later directed the International Prison Ministry (IPM), started by his father, Chaplain Ray Hoekstra, in 1972, distributing Bibles to inmates across the U.S., Ukraine, and India. Hoekstra authored books like Day by Day by Grace and taught at Calvary Chapel Bible Colleges, focusing on grace, biblical counseling, and Christ’s sufficiency. Married to Dini in 1966, they had three children and 13 grandchildren. His radio program, Living in Christ, aired nationally, and his sermons, emphasizing spiritual growth over self-reliance, reached millions. Hoekstra’s words, “Grace is God freely providing all we need as we trust in His Son,” defined his ministry. His teachings, still shared online, influenced evangelical circles, particularly within Calvary Chapel
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Sermon Summary
This sermon delves into the divine design of marriage and family as ordained by God, emphasizing the importance of seeking God's guidance and grace in all aspects of family life. It highlights the need for a strong spiritual foundation, the significance of leaving and cleaving in marriage, and the ongoing partnership pattern of unity and trust. The message underscores the role of God as the central figure in marriage, providing grace for forgiveness, restoration, and fulfillment in the divine partnership of marriage.
Sermon Transcription
Well, our series of study is Family, God's Way, a six-study biblical seminar on the Word of God and what the Lord Himself has to say about marriage and family. And let's pray together, shall we? Lord, as we embark on this great subject, many outstanding scriptures to meditate upon and consider, Lord, we come seeking You, we're looking for Your heart and mind, and we are asking for the work of the Holy Spirit to guide us into all the truth. Enlighten us, Lord, give us understanding and hearts to receive and to walk in all that You proclaim. Lord, we know this is a subject of high priority in the Word of God and great need in the world around us and great need in the church world. So we pray, Lord, for the glory of Your name, the edifying of our lives, the blessing of Your people, that You do a mighty, mighty work in Jesus' name, amen. Our first study is about two becoming one. It is a view of marriage as a God-ordained partnership. And you notice in our outline at the start of it, we put out room to think about the threefold purpose of our series, the threefold biblical purpose. First, to let God instruct us and direct us and build us up concerning family life from His perspective. Important whether a person is single or married or widowed, because most of our lives are lived in a family context with family relationships. And much of our ministry through life will be to people living in a family life context. So we want instruction from the Lord on this grand subject. But we also want to allow the Lord to equip us to minister to others concerning Christian biblical family life. Certainly those who have children, we need to minister such great truths to our children, our relatives, our friends, our neighbors. And if we're called to leadership ministry, many will turn to us to ask questions about the battles and issues and blessings and path of family life. And equipping, discipling people, we cannot ignore this great arena. We can't just take it for granted. Well, people get married and there are families all around the world. Listen, the Word of God is where it's all described and God is the designer of family life. We're not talking about cultural developments where one nation does it this way and one nation does it that way. We're talking about universal, time-long absolutes from the heart and mind of God Himself. So instruction for us in family life, but also equipped to minister to others family life truth in discipling and counseling and nurturing. And then third of the three purposes, to hear God's warnings about those things that are contrary to and destructive of family life as He has designed it. Many cultures, including ours, have values and traditions and habits and viewpoints that are not cooperating with. They're certainly not built upon God's absolute truth. Perhaps some of our own experience has been destructive in the area of marriage and family. And certainly Satan himself is devoted to the destruction of the family. See, we're going to read in a moment in Genesis 2. You can't even get through two chapters of the Bible until you're reading about family life issues. That's how fundamental it is. That's how important it is. And the enemy, though he is a deceiver and self-deceived, he is a radical opponent. And he'll work every level from the political scene right down to an individual household unit. He is out to rob, kill, and destroy families as God has designed them to live and develop. Now, our passage for the day is in the middle of Genesis chapter 2. We can call it two becoming one. I think that's a great summary of what's here in Genesis and repeated in the epistles even. And it's about a God-ordained partnership. We're only going to underestimate, undoubtedly, the close oneness of life the Lord wants to develop between a man and a woman as they marry and then pass that kind of thinking and example on to the children as they come and are taught and nurtured and go and develop their households. In Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, we see that a partner is needed. And the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. So, the Lord God said, notice the introduction to this section on Adam and Eve, the first family beginning in this original marriage. And the Lord God said. What we're going to be looking at are the words of the true and living God. The words of God. And the Lord God said. By the grace of God, we won't be wasting our time on man's opinions. I don't have a lot of quotes from family experts. I am asking God to guard me from sharing my opinions on marriage. What people need, what we need, is to hear what God has to say. And what a reminder at verse 18, at the start of this great section on marriage and family. And the Lord God said. May he speak his words to us. May he enlighten us in his words by the Holy Spirit. And what did the Lord have to say on this subject at the beginning? It is not good that man should be alone. It's not good for man to be alone. In the context, the point is, it's not good for a man, in general, for most of a lifetime, to be without a marriage partner. I say for most of a lifetime, because obviously there are built-in seasons where God has us alone and preparing us for ministry and for marriage, perhaps. It's not good for a man, in general sense, to be without a marriage partner. Time and again here. Time and again. God creates, he steps back, and pronounces it good. Then God makes man, and he steps back and says, this is not good. Now, I'm kidding, because he's saying it's not good that man is there alone. God does all things well. His creation work with Adam was done perfectly. But if God had stopped there with the plan he had in mind for people's lives and human responsibility and stewardship, it would be a bad thing. It would not be good. God did not create man as a self-contained, self-sufficient individual able to handle the callings and responsibilities of a godly life without a partner. Now, let me quickly add, there are some exceptions to this statement. You might say, well, whoa, wait a minute, exceptions? This is the Lord God saying this. Well, yes, but elsewhere, the Lord adds exceptions to this statement. And in fact, if God speaks on any subject, the only exceptions that ever apply are when God might add some exceptions to a general rule he has given. And this is a huge beginning point. It is not good that man should be alone. God hasn't designed most men for most of their lives to live a life alone. But there are exceptions. 1 Corinthians 7.35 speaks of the single years and gives the purpose of the single years for securing undistracted devotion to the Lord. Now, that's an exception to the general rule. It is good if a man is 8 or 10 or 12 or 14, and some of us may be even good if we were 25 to still be alone, not quite ready yet, you know. Can you imagine in this day and age being 14 and married? There was a day in this culture and other cultures that by 14, there was 2 to 3 times the maturity in a young life as often is found these days, the way our culture treats youth and the youthful years get often very much wasted or consumed on self. But, see, God has built a season of aloneness into life, the single years. Children aren't born married as you view the scripture. I know some cultures that is how it works, but you don't find that in the Word where birth already married. Lives are birthed, there are single years under parental care, and then later on as maturity is developing, marriage is added. And what's the purpose of the single years? To secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. Many did not use their single years for that purpose. I didn't. I'm not pleased with that or proud of it. I'm sad and disappointed. I thank God that he can restore the years that the locusts have eaten, but some of us gave them quite a feast during the single years, and I know I did. But the God-ordained purpose of the single years, right out of 1 Corinthians 7, 35, to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. That's the purpose. May we teach our children that purpose in discipling and ministering to others. May we help them catch that vision that God has created marriage for most people for most of their lives. But the single years, those are good years to not have a partner and concentrate on what? Well, some would say concentrate on hunting a partner. No, no. Concentrate on pursuing God. Concentrate on seeking after the Lord. Some say, well, the single years, that's when you sow your wild oats, you know. Just go out and do all the things you won't be doing when you're married. Very, very bad counsel. Just think of one biblical truth that blows that kind of thinking out of the water. God is not mocked. Whatsoever man sows, that he must also reap. If we sow wild oats, we reap a wild consequence. Not wise. Some people say, well, that's when you get those things out of your system, you know. You never get the flesh out of your system. It's there till we're in heaven. It can be put in abeyance. It can be brought to defeat at the cross. But you don't get rid of carnality by indulging in carnal activity any more than you get rid of muscles by exercising them. So it's not good for man to be alone, except for the single years. Except for the single years, it's very good to be alone. Especially if you're using the years for the right purpose. See, God's plan is, people born into this life begin to hear about the Lord as they're growing up, pursue the Lord and develop a tight walk with the Lord, and then along the way, along the path, in God's good time, He will Adamate, just as we will see Him doing here for Adam. For some, a single life is a supernatural, gifted, divine calling for a lifetime. You can find that in 1 Corinthians 7.7, Matthew 19.12. It takes the gift of celibacy. Most people don't have that gift. Those who have it can partner up with God, one-on-one, for a lifetime, and they'll not be missing anything God wants them to have. God has gifted them for that calling, and He uses them greatly through that calling. Widows. 1 Timothy 5.5. Let's read that one, 1 Timothy 5.5. There's a word on how widows are to handle this, and I guess widowers would fit too. 1 Timothy 5.5. Now she who is really a widow and left alone trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers day and night. A real widow is one who seeks the Lord all the while, is given to the Lord, lets the Lord fill that gap that seemed to have been left when a husband was there and then gone. And then verse 14. Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry... See, the younger widows, it's not good for them to be alone. Bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. Young widows remarry, it's not good to be alone. Older widows, it's fine to be alone. You can just go back to that one-on-one partnership with the Lord. And of course, the Lord has to sort out for each one what these years are, what these ages are, and what that calling is. But God has spoken broadly on this subject. Generally a partner is needed, exception for everyone's singleness of life before marriage, and then search out the scriptures After a marriage is ended, perhaps in a widow or a man is widowed, it may be just a season of serving the Lord one-on-one again. You know, there's another scripture in our heading right here. Psalm 68, 5, and 6. And I think it has a great implication for our culture and many cultures where there are many single parents. Psalm 68, 5 and 6. A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families. He brings out those who are bound into prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in the dry land. The Lord knows that children, little people need fathers, but many, a child is fatherless. And God wants them to learn to look to the Heavenly Father to fulfill that role. And God sets the solitary in families. God loves to take isolated individual lives and bring them into a family context. Oh, family is such on God's heart. And when people are isolated, He wants to put them into a family situation. Sometimes it's an adopted family or a quasi-virtual family. Ultimately, it's the family of God. And for many, many a person, the family they never had, they find in the household of faith. Many brothers, many sisters, and with age differences and all, many aunts and uncles, and many to function as grandparents, perhaps. And in many a culture, including ours, one of the most solitary, isolated situations people ever get into is single parenthood. My wife and I have three children. They're 38, 39, and 40 right now. There were times when they were 2, 3, and 4. There were times when they were 13, 14, and 15. Those were times where we felt outnumbered 10 to 1. It was really 3 to 2, but it had the sense of being 10 to 1. And we were always crying out to God for help. And praise the Lord, He was faithful and gracious, and the kids are walking with the Lord and very fruitful in the Lord, and we thank God for that. But it gave us a real heart for single parents. We realized how stretched we were, two of us with three little lives. How about one mom, no dad, two children, four children. How about mom died, one dad, three children, four children. You talk about solitary. You talk about feeling alone. Well, God sets the solitary in families, and one of the great ministries for the family of God, the body of Christ, and for Christian families in the family of God is to be looking out for the fatherless, the widows, and the solitary life of a single parent and include them into the life of the people of God. All of that is a big part of family God's way, and it all flows right out of this statement. One and a half chapters into Genesis, chapter 2, verse 18, and the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. A helper comparable to him. That's God's remedy. A partner, a partner was needed. A partner was missing. The remedy is God providing a comparable helper. The old language was a help meet, which basically means a helper fit, a helper fit or suitable or complimentary, or you could say corresponding to. Similar in that man and woman are both human beings, though many in marriage, there are moments when one questions the humanity of the other, perhaps in foolishness and selfishness, but man and woman, they are human beings, but they are diverse human beings. Yes, most of that which makes a man and a woman, we share in common, you know, body, soul, spirit, mind, emotions, will, and all of that, and physical dynamic and metabolism and all of that, but then you can list quite a list of distinctive differences, the same yet different, comparable, corresponding, having similarity, but very critically important distinctive dissimilarities. Now, why was it not good that man should be alone? Why did God declare that he would need to make a helper comparable to Adam? Well, the revelation behind this was given earlier in chapter 1 of Genesis, the general stewardship call and responsibility and purpose of humanity, Genesis chapter 1 verse 26 and following. Then God said, Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them, both of them in the image of God. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. There is the commission to the human family. This is why God created us, to put human beings upon this earth that are made in the image and likeness of God. And again, the plurality of God. Let us make man in our image, according to our likenesses, revealed even in Genesis, but more clearly on through the prophets, and then the epistles of the apostles, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is the plurality of the Godhead. But the purpose, to make human beings significantly like God. Essentially, God is a spiritual being, God is spirit. In essence, man, humankind, spiritual beings. Oh sure, we have a physical body, unlike God, God is spirit, but even God, after creating us and putting us in physical bodies, then took on a human body, and became Emmanuel, God with us, God incarnate. And forever we'll see reminders of that in glory above, you can check that out in Revelation chapter 5. So, humans who would be significantly like God, not gods, but would carry some of the characteristics of God. Such as spirituality. So there was the potential for a spiritual communion and relationship between man and God. Spiritual beings, who could fellowship with God, love God, serve God, be a witness of God to one another. And these human beings, made in the image and likeness of God, they would be stewards of God's creation. Obeying Him, serving Him, answering to Him, and then showing forth their maker, one to another, as they grew in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. That is why people need a partner. And I know that there are all other kinds of reasons that can be given, and some of them biblically valid, and some just observationally seem to be valid, but this gets to the root of it. Chapter 1, God tells us why He would create men and women. What they would be like. They would be like God, and they would be sent forth to take dominion over creation under the lordship of God. And they were to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth, and be accountable to the Lord in all of that process, and to be used of the Lord in all of that process. And for that, that requires a partner of life, or some special kind of enabling of grace, gifting of grace, to carry out that assignment as a single person. There are no other options in God's plan. This way, or special enablement by grace. And even the partnership is to be inundated by the life-giving, life-shaping, equipping, transforming grace of God. But, Colossians 3 brings a very important issue back into view. And that is, man fell in self-serving sin. Oh, this was such a high holy calling to be stewards of God. Multiply and fill the earth. Fruitfulness, the fruit of the womb in this case. But man fell in self-serving sin and rebellion. And the image of God was deeply marred. When you look at humankind in general, rarely does your mind quickly go to the portrait of God's character in a human vessel. It takes the salvation of the Lord, and the growing, and the knowing of the Lord, for that image of God to be restored. But it can be restored. But it only can be restored through the Lord Jesus Christ. Colossians 3, 9 and following. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man, who is renewed in knowledge, knowledge of God, according to the image of him who created him. For there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all. Oh, this is why it's so critical that those who are in a marriage relationship have the Lord's salvation. See, marriage was designed for those... This is before Genesis 3, the fall. And the plan was to create men and women who were able to represent God. You know, God is... He is creator. Man is creative, as we'll see in a moment, with Adam naming all the animals and all of that. And God is spirit. People are spiritual beings. But that can only be developed in a relationship with God. And then, Genesis 3, fall into sin. All that is marred. Not annihilated where you cannot even... Even a sinful human being can show some of the creativity character of God just in things that unbelieving scientists might invent or whatever. But here, it's a reminder, it's critical that husbands and wives know Christ as their Redeemer. Because God wants a marriage to be two people manifesting the character of God. And the only way that that image of God can be restored in man, we're told right here, is through a knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, where Christ is all and in all, where people are looking to Him for all that they need spiritually, and He is transforming their lives and they're maturing in the likeness of Christ. So it's critical, husbands and wives, to be saved. Oh, yes. There is a measure of fulfillment of God's plan when unredeemed get saved and they have children and might, you know, kind of teach them right and wrong and all that and society is impacted a little bit. But this is not what God intended. God creates people to know Him. And He created marriage for two to partner up in Him. And you cannot manifest that image of God character apart from knowing the Lord Jesus Christ. So our word to husbands and wives, if they don't know the Lord, is share the plan of God with them. The calling of humanity and marriage, and it's all part of God's plan, but it has to be with the image of God in their lives. And that's only available through Jesus Christ. But it is available through Jesus Christ. And then fruitfulness is not just a matter of families having children and the fruit of the womb. John 15.8 reminds us there's another aspect, another aspect of fruitfulness in addition to the fruit of the womb as precious and important as that is in the plan of God. By this my father is glorified, Jesus taught, that you bear much fruit, so you will be my disciples. Glory is brought to the Father by fruitfulness, not just fruit of the womb, though. We're reminded here and elsewhere in Scripture, spiritual fruit, spiritual fruit. And sure, a husband and wife in marriage, they're called to the Genesis 1 general call for humanity to be fruitful and multiply. And children are a blessing from the Lord. And outside of some special problem or calling, husbands and wives will have children. And that's fruitfulness unto the Lord. But they have to learn that these children are a gift from the Lord, and they're to be raised unto the Lord. But there's another arena of fruitfulness. That's spiritual fruit, that is godliness of character. We are to be disciples of Jesus Christ, serving Him with our lives and our families. Family life is not just for the blessing of that family. There are great blessings in marriage and family for any household unit. But that is not the high purpose of that marriage, the high purpose is glory to God, service to God, fruitfulness unto God. Marriage has to be brought back to the beginning, back to Chapter 1. Why was God going to create people? And why was it not good when Adam was alone? Well, you need a partner for what God has called us to. For all of this, man needed a partner. Our first heading was a partner needed. Our next heading is no partner found. Verses 19 and 20. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what He would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. You can see there the image and likeness of God at work with authority and creativity. Adam is functioning as a steward unto God and naming the animals. End of verse 20. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. Yes, the animal creation is spectacular. It cries out that it was made by a glorious God. Whether you're looking at little microscopic beings or giant whales or dogs or cats or birds, the animal kingdom is a phenomenal glory to God if you see it with the eyes of the Lord. There's majesty there. There's beauty there. And even in Proverbs you can find there's wisdom built into their little beings. Not something they learned, but what innately created in them these instincts. But when all the animal kingdom brought to Adam, impressive though it may be, and his heart may have rejoiced in God at the sight of many of them and given glory to God, there was not found a helper comparable to him. So a partner was needed, but no partner found. Then verse 21. A partner provided. A partner provided. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. A partner was needed. No partner was found. No problem. God just created the necessary partner. And notice. Notice how Adam got this essential addition to his life of a marriage partner. The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam. And let me keep the subject and verb. The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. The Lord God took one of his ribs. The Lord God closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man the Lord God made into a woman and the Lord God brought her to the man. And then Adam's response. Wow, there's the partner I was looking for. There she is. And what's the point here in reading it that way which is actual sentence structure keeping the subject and verb in line. What's the message there? This is God at work. This is God at work. In doing our family seminars in many parts of the country and even overseas. So many folks have asked us along the way sometimes after we've done the six hours of study. What's the most critical element in developing family God's way? And often they're thinking is it finances? Is it communications? What is it? Well, I think right here at the start we're told what the most critical element is. And you'll notice as we develop more passages of scripture it will only be highlighted more. Here is the single most important element to make marriage and family family God's way. You know what that element is? God. God. I remember when that dawned on my heart and mind way back in studying decades ago on these subjects. It is so natural when you talk about marriage and family to be thinking the key is something on the horizontal level, you know. After all, it's husband and wife and then children. You got all these horizontal relationships. Yeah. And all of that horizontal interaction and relationship is of huge import. But it means nothing if it isn't built on or hanging upon or flowing from this great vertical reality. I mean, think about it. What could Adam have done to resolve his dilemma? God made all this creation, it was good. Then he makes Adam and says, it's not good for man to be alone. What could Adam have done to rectify this problem? He couldn't have gone to the Garden of Eden computer dating program. If there was even one available, it wouldn't have an Eve in there because there were no such. No option, you know. What could he have done? In and of himself, he was helpless and hopeless. But the remedy comes this way, and the Lord God went to work. And the Lord God took a ribbon. The Lord God shaped that into a woman. And the Lord God brought her to the man. This first prototype marriage, it's not a romance story about Adam and Eve and how they, you know, against all odds, found each other. I mean, it's a story about God at work. What a light string the Lord is pulling in biblical revelation for us. This is the prototype. This is how it's to happen. God creating people, God bringing people together. Marriage is an ongoing miracle. It's an ongoing miracle. God thought it up, God created it, and it can only operate by the presence and activity of God. And the Lord God caused the deep sleep to fall on Adam, and the Lord God took one of his ribs, and so forth. A little side question, why not more dust here? Remember? Chapter 2, verse 7? And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils a breath of life, and man became a living being. That's where we started, man. There's our heritage. There's our roots. A little dust pile. And then God shaped it and breathed in life. And there was a man. Why not more dust here? God could certainly have taken another pile of dust and just shaped it differently and breathed life and create another being that was a woman. Well, He does all things well. He does all things in wisdom. Obviously, this was better than that. He does all things well. He is good, and He does good. Well, this certainly makes woman twice refined from dust. It's one of those things that makes her different from man. Now, that doesn't imply superiority any more than Ephesians 5.22 called a submission would imply inferiority for woman. It just makes it obvious there's going to be a difference. God took a different procedure and He had a little change so that the next human would be not a man but a woman. And it does underline, I think, the fact that the woman has created the more delicate instrument. 1 Peter 3.7 calls her the weaker vessel. I think a practical paraphrase would be the more delicate instrument. So it's not just, you know, well, this is one reason God did not ordain a man to marry a man. He created a woman to resolve this problem, not another man. Years ago I was thinking of this and the picture came to my mind is two instruments getting married. One is a dump truck and one is a microscope. Hey, they're both instruments, you know. Yeah, they are. But wouldn't you say there's quite a difference between the two? And you can maybe sort out which is which. Women don't generally go to events watching trucks drive over trucks, do they? But men get a kick out of it for some reason, you know. But if you want a tender, thoughtful interaction, if you want to see into something, you go to a microscope. And the Lord wants us to know the commonality of humanity. He wants us to know the distinctiveness of being a man or a woman. There's important distinction. You know, the whole homosexual movement is an outrageous affront to the plan of God on this subject. And even the unisex movement, where we're all so careful. This is a person. This is not a woman. This is not a man. This is a person. Well, could you give us a clue what gender this person is? And in a world that's gone mad, it's like an insult to let gender almost even be heard, let alone let it be a distinctive issue when it comes down to the fundamental relationships of life, and that is the marriage relationship. Well, men and women have God-given spiritual equality. They need God equally. God's equally available. But they also have strategic God-given differences. And God brought her to the man. God was the matchmaker in this first marriage. And may that be the way we view it in our lives and help others view it in their lives. So a partner was provided. And then the passage closes in an ongoing partnership pattern. Verses 24 and 25. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. There's an ongoing partnership pattern here. It's introduced with this word, therefore. Therefore. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. Therefore, since God ordained marriage and family, since God created the first prototype marriage and family, this is how we are to respond ever after till time is gone. A man shall leave his father and mother. When people are married, there is a change in primary human allegiance. Before marriage, our parents are our primary human allegiance. Not only honor them, but obey them. But, though we are to honor our parents all the days of our lives, there is a change of allegiance at marriage. There's a new relationship for a son or a daughter with the parents in marriage. There is a leaving. There is a setting aside of the priority of that child-parent relationship for a new priority. And what's that? The husband-wife relationship. It is a tragedy how this is violated in the world, let's say. But, what could we expect from the world? They don't know and understand and embrace the things of God. They have their own traditions, inclinations, and temptations. But, for the children of God, sometimes we ignore this. And it's given right here in the second chapter of the Bible, immediately after the first marriage is established and created by God. Many a marriage is undermined by husband or wife giving higher priority of human relationship to someone other than their spiritual partnership mate in the God-ordained marriage. It's critical that our marriage partner be the number one horizontal human relationship in our lives. God ordained it that way. God ordered it that way. God set it up that way. I know when my wife and I were first married, I was right out of the world in a carnal life. And there were times when I gave higher priority to my golfing buddies, let alone my mom or dad, over my relationship with my wife. She was very well taught on these things. She was very compliant with the will of God. She was very patient. And praise the Lord, it didn't persist but just a very brief part of a year or so. But looking back, any day of that was a day too much. This is how God's arranged it. Man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, knit together to his wife. By the way, this is both an event and a process. The event is a marriage ceremony and the consummation of the marriage. That in itself is not an exceptionally prolonged process. A marriage ceremony, the consummation of the marriage. And there's a husband and a wife. But what about the process? It's one thing to plan a year on a wedding ceremony. But how much planning and attention do the unmarried give to marriage itself? No one talked to us in our engagement period of nine months. No one talked to us about getting ready to be married and a marriage that would follow. Everybody talked to us about what? Your wedding! What are you going to do at your wedding? The colors, the bridesmaids, the attendants, you know? Are you going to record it? Are you going to video it? You've got to settle these things. Are you going to put your name with a department store or something? A lot of those nine months was consumed with a less than one hour ceremony. No one, including our pastor, even suggested that we sit down together, the two of us, or with him or others and consider what God says about marriage. We were wedding consumed. Do you think that we were exceptions? That's kind of the way it goes totally in the world and sadly sometimes in the church world. Yes, a wedding can be a challenge and a blessing. But the greater challenge and the greater blessing is the lifelong process of marriage that is to follow. A unified partnership. The two shall become one flesh. That's another reason I would call marriage a miracle. Two becoming one flesh. Most of us, before marriage, were so divided in our own heart and mind that we could hardly properly live with ourselves. I was always at war with me. And then God's plan is, okay, now here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to add this other person to your life and you're not supposed to end up with two lives now. It's the two of you learning to share one life and the two shall become one flesh. One unit. Oh sure, each has to develop a walk with God, but God will never deal with them as just individual people from now on they're a partner team from now on. It's a miracle. Only God can begin it. Only God can develop it. But God can. To be a Christian and married and not think of God as the key, the centerpiece to it all is disaster waiting to happen and it's a ripoff. You end up running on well-intended flesh. There'll never be a sufficient resource. And the two shall become one flesh. Physically, partnership, emotionally, intellectually, volitionally, making decisions together before the Lord. Sure, the husband taking a lead but he's not a dictator. He's a partner with his wife and especially a spiritual partnership. And sure, that does make a continual flow of full, honest, loving communication essential. But God is the dynamic. Then verse 25 they were both naked, the man and his wife and were not ashamed. Certainly pictures an open and trusting oneness of life and according to Matthew 19, 3 through 6 and elsewhere, marriage is for a lifetime. There is no such thing as irreconcilable differences. Not if you know the reconciler. Not if you have the reconciliation of God. But of course man without that, everything will bring a lack of reconciliation. The only exceptions, Matthew 5, 32 sexual unfaithfulness or 1 Corinthians 7, desertion. And one last verse to conclude our study. 1 Corinthians 15, 10 and you'll notice it is not directly on the subject of marriage or family. But Lord willing, we'll do this in many of our studies on family. And that is, just read a verse or two about the grace of God. For marriages to be what God wants them to be abounding grace is needed. For anyone who catches from the word the majesty of the standard the supernatural miraculous aspect of marriage grace is greatly needed. For anyone who's married and here's a study on marriage just a one hour study can bring you under much condemnation and discouragement. It's like, oh man, okay that's 17 ways, I blew it yesterday. And I think it's God's heart to remind us, listen I'm for you, not against you. Yeah, things may be lacking, but I'm the provider. And it's by grace, not by merit that my help comes. And let's do that today. 1 Corinthians 15, 10 But by the grace of God I am what I am and His grace toward me was not in vain but I labored more abundantly than they all yet not I but the grace of God which was with me. By the grace of God our failures at home in marriage and family can be forgiven and covered by His kindness and goodness. But even bigger than that the lacks can become His supply. And by His grace He forgives, but there's more. By His grace He builds up. He implements more and more in our lives what His word says. My dear wife and I have been married 43 years now. Absolute miracle. Miracle. Can't believe God would give me a woman like He gave me. What a partner. Loving God. Loving me. Serving. Helping. Encouraging. Standing when the battles of spiritual warfare come with blows that just want to disintegrate you. But it's grace. It's grace. And to be free from battle with each other and stand together and battle against the enemy. It's grace upon grace. And there is no marriage that can't be put back on track if God and His grace are our source and hope. It's a miracle anyway. And if it gets messed up here and there or has great lack, the creator of the universe who ordained marriage, He can put hearts and lives back together. And by His grace, He can increasingly fulfill what He has called us to in this astounding divine partnership called marriage. Let's pray together. Lord, grant to us marriage and family God's way. Give us a huge heavenly vision of it. And Lord, equip us to help share that vision with others and minister to them the heavenly truths of divine grace and hope and help. The miracle aspect of marriage from a miracle working God. That's what we seek and want to help others find. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
Two Becoming One
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Robert Lee “Bob” Hoekstra (1940 - 2011). American pastor, Bible teacher, and ministry director born in Southern California. Converted in his early 20s, he graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary with a Master of Theology in 1973. Ordained in 1967, he pastored Calvary Bible Church in Dallas, Texas, for 14 years (1970s-1980s), then Calvary Chapel Irvine, California, for 11 years (1980s-1990s). In the early 1970s, he founded Living in Christ Ministries (LICM), a teaching outreach, and later directed the International Prison Ministry (IPM), started by his father, Chaplain Ray Hoekstra, in 1972, distributing Bibles to inmates across the U.S., Ukraine, and India. Hoekstra authored books like Day by Day by Grace and taught at Calvary Chapel Bible Colleges, focusing on grace, biblical counseling, and Christ’s sufficiency. Married to Dini in 1966, they had three children and 13 grandchildren. His radio program, Living in Christ, aired nationally, and his sermons, emphasizing spiritual growth over self-reliance, reached millions. Hoekstra’s words, “Grace is God freely providing all we need as we trust in His Son,” defined his ministry. His teachings, still shared online, influenced evangelical circles, particularly within Calvary Chapel