Sermon Illustrations on Peer Pressure

Rating Churches On A Star System

Programs to teach kids to say "no" to drugs are liked by teachers but may not be too effective. Little change in behavior has been seen so far.

#901

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Dare To Be Different

We hate to be different but as Christians we must be, at least morally.

1. We hate to be different, and desire to conform.

2. Christians must be different.

a. Jesus was different.

b. Jesus demands it of us.

>1. Morality.

>2. Thinking.

3. The world enforces conformity.

4. When Christians are different, they make a difference.

a. Examples of believers who make an impact in world. [1471]

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The Man and His Two Sweethearts

A middle-aged man, whose hair had begun to turn gray, courted two women at the same time. One of them was young, and the other well advanced in years. The elder woman, ashamed to be courted by a man younger than herself, made a point, whenever her admirer visited her, to pull out some portion of his black hairs. The younger, on the contrary, not wishing to become the wife of an old man, was equally zealous in removing every gray hair she could find. Thus it came to pass that between them both he very soon found that he had not a hair left on his head.

Those who seek to please everybody please nobody. And as Jesus told us, you cannot serve two Masters. You will either love one and hate the other, despise one and love the other.

The Raven and the Swan

A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same

beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color

arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left

the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took

up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as

often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want

of food he perished.

Change of habit cannot alter Original Sin or who you really are.

Elevator Buttons

Your companions are like the buttons on an elevator. They will either take you up or they will take you down.

Cited in BITS & PIECES

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Far As the Curse

Romans 12:2

Several years ago images from a high school hazing incident were captured on video and televised across the world. The video portrayed a swarm of kids attacking other kids while a small group of adults watched and cheered as spectators. The chilling images rightfully brought to mind many questions, and refueled the discussion on how and why we are failing to teach our children. In all, the incident generated several concussions, a broken ankle, and five hospitalizations. One journalist called it a “sobering reminder of the dangers of mob-think.” It was clearly proof once more that when masked by the anonymity of a group, it is disturbingly easy to lose individual identity and personal moral boundaries, and to become fully capable of cruelties we would otherwise find unimaginable.

Psychologists have long noted the reality of mob-think as one of the many powerful motivators of human action. There are other examples of the power of social influence as well. Not only is human behavior influenced by the crowd as a whole, we are also greatly influenced by those in comparable social groups and categories -- by those we perceive as similar to us. Likewise, a famous psychology experiment run by Stanley Milgram vividly portrays the motivator of authority on human behavior. In fact, his findings stunned the world, revealing extreme obedience to authority even when given radical orders that required the subjects to inflict tremendous pain upon innocent victims.

The power of social influence is indeed compelling; that it can become PERILOUSLY compelling is a lesson of which we cannot be too aware. In fact, Milgram's experiment grew out of a desire to understand the obedience of the Nazi regime in the midst of such blatant wrongdoing. He felt certain there had to be unique reasons at work in the troubling obedience of Nazi officers. But the results of his experiment shocked even Milgram himself, and perhaps this itself points to the reason the discovery was so noteworthy. For those of us who would like to look at the men who carried out the Nazi orders as anything but ordinary, Milgram's results drastically call our minds to account. By all definitions, the men and women in his experiments were ordinary people. They were ordinary men and women who willingly delved out horrendous pain. Such findings exude a frightening question: Of what, then, am I capable?

Like the ordinary men and women of Milgram's experiment, the men who carried out the monstrous orders of the Nazi regime, or the kids involved in violence that baffles us, we, too, are capable of morally objectionable behavior, much more so than we probably want to realize. We are people whose ailment is far greater than bad teachers of right and wrong - - Milgram's participants ranged in age, race, and moral conviction. We are entirely in need of something beyond ourselves. We are in need of what Christ freely offers. As the great hymn proclaims:

He comes to make his blessings flow,

far as the curse is found,

FAR AS THE CURSE IS FOUND.

In his letter to the Romans, the Apostle Paul exhorts the church not to conform to the patterns of this world, but to “be transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Romans 12:2). That is, put on a new form, recognize yourselves as new creations, and by the power of the one who has given you new life, continually set your minds to follow Him and his perfect will. Social influence is profound, the influence of our corrupted nature stronger still, but in Christ we find the authority and influence of one more compelling than these. May our actions today be motivated by his transforming presence.

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #5839]

Break Away From the Crowd

Richard Armstrong and Edward Watkin tell the story of a biologist’s experiment with “processional caterpillars.” On the rim of a clay pot that held a plant, he lined them up so that the leader was head-to-tail with the last caterpillar. The tiny creatures circled the rim of the pot for a full week. Not once did any one of them break away to go over to the plant and eat. Eventually, all caterpillars died from exhaustion and starvation.

The story of the processional caterpillars is a kind of parable of human behavior. People are reluctant to break away from the rhythmic pattern of daily life. They don’t want to be different. We must break away from the crowd, however, if we are to accept Jesus’ invitation to “go off alone” with him in prayer.

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David Watson, CALLED & COMMITTED: WORLD-CHANGING DISCIPLESHIP, (Harold Shaw Publishers, Wheaton, IL; 1982), pp. 142-143; also found in James S Hewett, ed., ILLUSTRATIONS UNLIMITED, page 121.

A Definition of Courage

A minister was speaking to a class of boys on the merits of moral courage. He said by way of illustration: "Ten boys were sleeping in a dormitory, and only one of them knelt down to say his prayers. THAT is moral courage! Now, boys, would any of you like to give me another example of moral courage?"

"Please, Sir," said one boy, "ten MINISTERS are sleeping in a dormitory, and only one of them jumps into bed without saying his prayers!"

Under the Tree of Death

Dead under the beautiful tree!

He did not think when he lay down there in the shadow of that beautiful South American tree that never again would he rise to his feet. He was a stranger in that country and never had seen such a tree before. It looked so lovely! Its shade was so inviting, and he was so tired! And yet, another traveler coming that way found him lying there cold in death! The tree gave off a deadly poison. No one who remained within its influence ever went away alive.

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By William Moses Tidwell, “Effective Illustrations.”

GAZING AT LIGHT

A company of boys, one day, decided to see which one could look at the sun the longest One looked only a few moments, and said, “Oh, it hurts too much.” He was out of the contest. One by one they dropped out. But one lingered. He said, “At first it hurt, but not so much now.” So he gazed on and on. Finally he said, “It does not hurt at all,” and he ceased to look. But he soon discovered that he was totally blind. The light had put out his eyes. No, light is not made to gaze at but to walk in.

A Dog with Wolf in His Blood

We have heard of a man who had a very fine dog, except for a strain of wolf in its blood. It was unusually fine looking and intelligent, but it acted very strangely at times. It would sit with a faraway look in its eyes. There were wolves in the community, and when it would hear them bark, it would howl and act as if it was about to join them. One morning it was gone and could not be found. Some weeks later, it was seen leading a pack of wolves. It had joined the pack, and actually become the leader.

This reminds us of unsanctified souls. They love the Lord, but there is that “strain” of sin in them, that depraved nature. That “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it” Carnality is dangerous. I have seen them with that “faraway look,” that “bent to backsliding.” And sad to say, we have seen them leave the people of God and join the “pack,” and often become leaders. Recently we saw a woman who loved the Lord and was faithful in the service of the Lord, but she deserted and joined the pack. She once dressed very neatly. When we saw her, she was attired like a woman of the street. Her scanty clothing, painted cheeks, lips, and fingernails, bore mute testimony that she had joined the “pack.” Thank God, there is a remedy for sin. He can take the devil nature out and fill with divine love.

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William Moses Tidwell, “Pointed Illustrations.”

A Little Clock

A little clock in a jeweler's window in a certain Western town stopped one day for half an hour at twenty minutes after eight. School children, noticing the time, stopped to play; people hurrying to the train looked at the clock, and began to walk more slowly; professional men, after looking at the clock, stopped to chat longer in the sunshine; and all were late because one small clock stopped. Never had these people known how much they had depended upon that clock until it had led them astray.

Many are thus unconsciously depending upon the influence of Christians. You may think you have no influence, but you cannot go wrong in one little act without leading others astray. God's Word says, “None of us liveth to himself.”

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William Moses Tidwell, “Pointed Illustrations.”

"Hog Killing"

We remember “hog killing” day when a boy. We were amazed at the hogs. The men would go down to the pen and knock one in the head with an ax. He would squeal and fall over dead. Then he was “stuck,” cut to the heart so he would bleed freely. Then he was dragged away and butchered. But the remaining hogs took no heed. They just ate on as if nothing had happened. Then the men would return and repeat just what they had done. The other hogs just went right on as usual. This procedure was continued. Often we have noticed that when every hog but one had been slaughtered, the remaining one was as indifferent as if nothing had taken place. We can understand this because they are unintelligent creatures. But what about human beings?

Suppose you saw a “pass” between two mountain ledges, and you watched 100 men seek to leap across it. If all fell and were crushed 200 feet below, would you try it? But you are doing it. Suppose there were a plague of death in a certain hospital, and practically all were dying within a few hours. Would you walk in? But you are doing it. You see thousands of your fellow beings perishing in many forms of sin, yet you plunge on. You say, “I will get by.” No, you will not. “Be not deceived.” You cannot do wrong and get by.

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William Moses Tidwell, “Pointed Illustrations.”

The Fox and the Crow

A CROW having stolen a bit of meat, perched in a tree and held it in

her beak. A Fox, seeing this, longed to possess the meat himself, and

by a wily stratagem succeeded. "How handsome is the Crow," he

exclaimed, in the beauty of her shape and in the fairness of her

complexion! Oh, if her voice were only equal to her beauty, she would

deservedly be considered the Queen of Birds!" This he said

deceitfully; but the Crow, anxious to refute the reflection cast upon

her voice, set up a loud caw and dropped the flesh. The Fox quickly

picked it up, and thus addressed the Crow: "My good Crow, your voice

is right enough, but your wit is wanting."

Flattery and peer pressure will get you no where. Indeed, it is

better to be praised and admired by God than by man.

The Mouse, the Frog, and the Hawk

A MOUSE who always lived on the land, by an unlucky chance formed an

intimate acquaintance with a Frog, who lived for the most part in the

water. The Frog, one day intent on mischief, bound the foot of the

Mouse tightly to his own. Thus joined together, the Frog first of all

led his friend the Mouse to the meadow where they were accustomed to

find their food. After this, he gradually led him towards the pool in

which he lived, until reaching the very brink, he suddenly jumped in,

dragging the Mouse with him. The Frog enjoyed the water amazingly,

and swam croaking about, as if he had done a good deed. The unhappy

Mouse was soon suffocated by the water, and his dead body floated

about on the surface, tied to the foot of the Frog. A Hawk observed

it, and, pouncing upon it with his talons, carried it aloft. The

Frog, being still fastened to the leg of the Mouse, was also carried

off a prisoner, and was eaten by the Hawk.

Be careful who your friends are. Indeed, just as a frog and a mouse

cannot be friends, neither can Christians and non-Christians be

friends.

The Ass and the Wolf

AN ASS feeding in a meadow saw a Wolf approaching to seize him, and

immediately pretended to be lame. The Wolf, coming up, inquired the

cause of his lameness. The Ass replied that passing through a hedge

he had trod with his foot upon a sharp thorn. He requested that the

Wolf pull it out, lest when he ate him it should injure his throat.

The Wolf consented and lifted up the foot, and was giving his whole

mind to the discovery of the thorn, when the Ass, with his heels,

kicked his teeth into his mouth and galloped away. The Wolf, being

thus fearfully mauled, said, "I am rightly served, for why did I

attempt the art of healing, when my father only taught me the trade of

a butcher?'

If Christians are not careful whom they associate with, it could come

back to haunt them and destroy them.

The Ass and His Purchaser

A MAN wished to purchase an Ass, and agreed with its owner that he

should try out the animal before he bought him. He took the Ass home

and put him in the straw-yard with his other Asses, upon which the new

animal left all the others and at once joined the one that was most

lazy and the greatest eater of them all. Seeing this, the man put a

halter on him and led him back to his owner. On being asked how, in

so short a time, he could have made a trial of him, he answered, "I do

not need a trial; I know that he will be just the same as the one he

chose for his companion."

A person is known by the company he keeps. Thus, if a Christian keeps

bad company, he will soon become like the company he keeps.

The Farmer and the Bluejay

A FARMER placed nets on his newly-sown plowlands and caught a number

of crows, which came to pick up his seed. With them he trapped a

bluejay that had fractured his leg in the net and was earnestly

beseeching the Farmer to spare his life. "Please save me, Master," he

said, "and let me go free this once. My broken limb should excite

your pity. Besides, I am no crow, I am a bluejay, a bird of excellent

character; and see how I love and slave for my father and mother.

Look too, at my feathers-- they are not the least like those of a

crow." The Farmer laughed aloud and said, "It may be all as you say,

I only know this: I have taken you with these robbers, the crows, and

you must die in their company."

If Christians continue to give in to peer pressure, the day will come

when the Master when cast them together with other sinners into the

lake of fire.

The Sick Lion

A LION, unable from old age and infirmities to provide himself with

food by force, resolved to do so by artifice. He returned to his den,

and lying down there, pretended to be sick, taking care that his

sickness should be publicly known. The beasts expressed their sorrow,

and came one by one to his den, where the Lion devoured them. After

many of the beasts had thus disappeared, the Fox discovered the trick

and presenting himself to the Lion, stood on the outside of the cave,

at a respectful distance, and asked him how he was. "I am getting

better," replied the Lion, "but why do you stand without? Pray enter

within to talk with me." "No, thank you," said the Fox. "I notice

that there are many prints of feet entering your cave, but I see no

trace of any returning."

He is wise who is warned by the misfortunes of others. Indeed, if we

repeat the mistakes or the sins of others, we will ultimately perish!

The Sick Stag

A SICK STAG lay down in a quiet corner of its pasture-ground. His

companions came in great numbers to inquire after his health, and each

one helped himself to a share of the food which had been placed for

his use; so that he died, not from his sickness, but from the failure

of the means of living.

Evil companions bring more hurt than profit.

The Monkey and the Camel

THE BEASTS of the forest gave a splendid entertainment at which the

Monkey stood up and danced. Having vastly delighted the assembly, he

sat down amidst universal applause. The Camel, envious of the praises

bestowed on the Monkey and desiring to divert to himself the favor of

the guests, proposed to stand up in his turn and dance for their

amusement. He moved about in so utterly ridiculous a manner that the

Beasts, in a fit of indignation, set upon him with clubs and drove him

out of the assembly.

It is absurd to ape our betters. Indeed, it is better to be yourself

than to pretend someone you are not.

The Buffoon and the Countryman

A RICH NOBLEMAN once opened the theaters without charge to the people, and gave a public notice that he would handsomely reward any person who invented a new amusement for the occasion. Various public performers contended for the prize. Among them came a Buffoon well known among the populace for his jokes, and said that he had a kind of entertainment which had never been brought out on any stage before. This report being spread about made a great stir, and the theater was crowded in every part. The Buffoon appeared alone upon the platform, without any apparatus or confederates, and the very sense of expectation caused an intense silence. He suddenly bent his head towards his bosom and imitated the squeaking of a little pig so admirably with his voice that the audience declared he had a porker under his cloak, and demanded that it should be shaken out. When that was done and nothing was found, they cheered the actor, and loaded him with the loudest applause.

A Countryman in the crowd, observing all that has passed, said, “So help me, Hercules, he shall not beat me at that trick!” and at once proclaimed that he would do the same thing on the next day, though in a much more natural way. On the morrow a still larger crowd assembled in the theater, but now partiality for their favorite actor very generally prevailed, and the audience came rather to ridicule the Countryman than to see the spectacle. Both of the performers appeared on the stage. The Buffoon grunted and squeaked away first, and obtained, as on the preceding day, the applause and cheers of the spectators. Next the Countryman commenced, and pretending that he concealed a little pig beneath his clothes (which in truth he did, but not suspected by the audience) contrived to take hold of and to pull his ear causing the pig to squeak. The Crowd, however, cried out with one consent that the Buffoon had given a far more exact imitation, and clamored for the Countryman to be kicked out of the theater. On this the rustic produced the little pig from his cloak and showed by the most positive proof the greatness of their mistake. “Look here,” he said, “this shows what sort of judges you are.”

Sometimes it is not better to win the praise of the world since their praise can be very deceiving.

The Miller, His Son, and Their Ass

A MILLER and his son were driving their Ass to a neighboring fair to sell him. They had not gone far when they met with a troop of women collected round a well, talking and laughing. “Look there,” cried one of them, “did you ever see such fellows, to be trudging along the road on foot when they might ride?’ The old man hearing this, quickly made his son mount the Ass, and continued to walk along merrily by his side. Presently they came up to a group of old men in earnest debate. “There,” said one of them, “it proves what I was a-saying. What respect is shown to old age in these days? Do you see that idle lad riding while his old father has to walk? Get down, you young scapegrace, and let the old man rest his weary limbs.” Upon this the old man made his son dismount, and got up himself. In this manner they had not proceeded far when they met a company of women and children: “Why, you lazy old fellow,” cried several tongues at once, “how can you ride upon the beast, while that poor little lad there can hardly keep pace by the side of you?’ The good-natured Miller immediately took up his son behind him. They had now almost reached the town.

“Pray, honest friend,” said a citizen, “is that Ass your own?’ “Yes,” replied the old man. “O, one would not have thought so,” said the other, “by the way you load him. Why, you two fellows are better able to carry the poor beast than he you.” “Anything to please you,” said the old man; “we can but try.” So, alighting with his son, they tied the legs of the Ass together and with the help of a pole endeavored to carry him on their shoulders over a bridge near the entrance to the town. This entertaining sight brought the people in crowds to laugh at it, till the Ass, not liking the noise nor the strange handling that he was subject to, broke the cords that bound him and, tumbling off the pole, fell into the river. Upon this, the old man, vexed and ashamed, made the best of his way home again, convinced that by endeavoring to please everybody he had pleased nobody, and lost his Ass in the bargain.

Christians should never give in to peer pressure or demand because they can never entirely satisfy them. Instead, Christians should concentrate on pleasing their Savior.

The Degradation Club

The following incident, the truth of which is vouched for, is a striking illustration of the fact that the evil tendency in our nature is away from God if it be unhindered. A sadder story could hardly be written.

“We ten became members of a degradation club.”

“This sentence, in a written confession found since the mysterious death of Hattie Thetford in a hovel in an Ohio town, gives the only rational explanation yet received of a tragic story. A week ago Hattie Thetford, 16 years of age, pretty, refined, and showing all traces of having been well educated, died in the hovel of a laborer. After her death a paper was found in the hovel on which was written the following story, which is in her handwriting:

“What more degrading and low can anyone find than this? I have been here six weeks, and it seems that I have reached the bottomless pit. I wish I could die. Life here is awful. I feel sometimes like running away and beginning life anew. But what is the use? I am lost forever, and to leave here would be to break my pledge, which was made less than a year ago.

RESOLVED TO PLUNGE INTO VICE

“Oh, that awful night! It comes to me like a nightmare. Ten of us -- reared in ease and luxury, schoolmates together, belonging to the same social set -- in just one night dared each other to pledge themselves to do the things later to be determined. We talked about a suicide club, a single woman's club, and finally I suggested the awful life that brings me here. What started in fun was sworn to in solemn vow. We ten became members of a 'degradation club,' as we chose to call it.

“I suggested that we form the club, and that we cast lots to see who should be the first to carry out the pledges made. The unlucky one was to leave home, friends, everything, and become the most degraded individual possible. In fact, the deeper down into the depths we could go the better the fulfillment of the pledge. Oh, what a nightmare, as it all comes back to me. We sat about a table and dealt cards. The Queen of hearts was the fatal pasteboard; it came to me and here I am.

I left home that night, took a Lake Shore train from no matter where, came east, stopped here, found a doctor in the slums, came here with him, burned my purse, and have spoken to no one since.

Here the paper is torn and the writing cannot be made out. It already speaks of a home of luxury left behind. Continuing, it says:

“God forgive me and my chums in times gone by. And my poor mother and father! God pity them! How they must have suffered and how they must have searched for me. I hope that they think I'm dead and I pray that death may come to me soon.”

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By J. Wilbur Chapan, “Present Day Parables.”

Standing Up Against Peer Pressure

During the 1992 Winter Olympics, I shuddered as one athlete bragged about his philosophy: "I live for the thrills, sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. People wish they could live like me, but they don't have the courage." Well, since when does it take courage to live an impure, immoral lifestyle? Standing up against peer pressure, that takes guts. Daring to be a role model by doing what is right in the sight of a Holy God. That requires bravery. How many men do you see doing that? Courage stands out from the crowd instead of bowing to it.

- Tom Sirotnak, {Warriors}, (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1995), p. 10

Don't Think About How They Are Perceiving You

"You can't play good tennis or hit the golf ball if what you are thinking about is how other people are perceiving you."

SENATOR BOB GRAHAM,chairman of the Senate intelligence committee.

What's So New About Mean Girls?

Matthew 5:44

Mean girls. What's so new about that? Mean girls have been around forever. Suddenly, there is a media blitz covering something as ancient as human nature -- something all women have had to endure.

Most of the media frenzy is due to the publication of "Queen Bees & Wannabes" written by Rosalind Wiseman, a 33-year-old author and president of the nonprofit Empower program. Wiseman has effectively labeled the hierarchy that exists among girls from around age 10 through high school. Like any good diagnostician, Wiseman has accurately recognized and named a problem that generations of girls have endured. Her expert diagnosis merely confirms its existence.

Wiseman's book happens to come along at a time when my daughter is experiencing certain trials of her own with mean girls. I'm reliving some painful personal memories as I watch her wade into the turbulent waters of adolescence, where the mean girls are circling like sharks. I am all too familiar with their mode of operation. They smell the blood of insecurity and awkwardness, seeking prey that is obviously weakened from coping with a changing body and an unwelcome discomfiture. Their menu varies like a seaside restaurant offering the "catch of the day." They head toward their current target with alarming speed, intent upon sinking their teeth into the tender flesh of budding self-awareness.

Remembering this, I try to head the sharks off before they get too close to my daughter. Unfortunately, the advice I have to offer is tainted with bitterness for the mean girls that visited the beach of my youth. My husband cautions me, "You are getting too involved in this." I realize then that I am obsessed with rescue. I am the coast guard. I am Richard Dreyfuss, consumed with ridding my family's previously calm waters of this invasion by the mean girls.

The experts can offer plenty of sound, reasonable advice on how to deal with the mean girls. However, I found one Expert whose advice is utterly radical, and strangely enough, His seems to have the best chance of actually creating change. His counsel has not been in demand by the media, but it has been sought many times by mothers on their knees. This Expert is Jesus Christ. What does He have to say about mean girls?

-- "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matt. 5:44). When I approached my daughter with this idea, she was totally open to it. She wants to pray for her friends. It is such a comfort to take a problem that seems so big to the One who you know is so much bigger. As we pray together, God has revealed that I am continuing to build my relationship with my daughter. We are not only mothers and children, but we are sisters in Christ. We are approaching her teen years together as prayer partners. What a blessing.

-- "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29). We have committed this verse to memory. We used it in a role-playing exercise where I encouraged my children to think about what someone else may need to hear. For example, did someone just fail a test? What would be an encouraging thing to say to her? Remember, if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all!

-- "Don't show favoritism" (James 2:1). Teach your children not to show favoritism to people because of how they are dressed or how attractive they are. They can miss out on some of the greatest friendships ever by judging people based on first impressions.

As I have been thinking about all this lately, God brought a specific memory to my mind of one mean girl in particular. There was a girl in my fifth grade class, Michelle, who was a little awkward and tended to be shy. She tried hard, but for all her perseverance, she always got left out. One day, she called another girl in our class and asked for her help. She explained that she wanted and needed a friend. But the mean girl she called refused to be her friend. "I just don't like you," she said. "I don't want to be your friend." Then as Michelle began to cry, this awful, mean girl hung up on her. Guess who the mean girl was? Right. I am so sorry, Michelle. I really am.

It might not hurt us as grown women to do a self-check every once in a while, and see if any of that "mean-girlness" is surfacing in our lives today. Am I loving and praying for my enemies? Am I careful to watch my speech? Am I showing favoritism when I should instead be showing the open arms of Jesus Christ? I'd say most of us have been on both sides of what is now called "relational aggression." A mean-girl self-check is not a bad idea.

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Peer Pressure

A few years ago psychologist Ruth W. Berenda and her associates carried out an interesting experiment with teenagers designed to show how a person handled group pressure. The plan was simple. They brought groups of ten adolescents into a room for a test. Subsequently each group of ten was instructed to raise their hands when the teacher pointed to the longest line on three separate charts. What one person in the group did not know was that nine of the others in the room had been instructed ahead of time to vote for the second-longest line.

Regardless of the instructions they heard, once they were all together in the group, the nine were not to vote for the longest line, but rather vote for the next-to-the-longest line.

The desire of the psychologists was to determine how one person reacted when completely surrounded by a large number of people who obviously stood against what was true.

The experiment began with nine teen-agers voting for the wrong line. The stooge would typically glance around, frown in confusion, and slip his hand up with the group. The instructions were repeated and the next card was raised. Time after time, the self-conscious stooge would sit there saying a short line is longer than a long line, simply because he lacked the courage to challenge the group. This remarkable conformity occurred in about seventy-five percent of the cases, and was true of small children and high-school students as well.

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The Tale Of The Tardy Oxcart, Charles R. Swindoll, Word, p. 434.

A World of Their Own: Santee High School Massacre & the Autonomous Teen

On Tuesday of last week, Charles "Andy" Williams, fifteen, walked out of the bathroom in his Santee, California high school with a smile on his face and a .22 in his hand. Within a few minutes, two kids were dead and another thirteen were wounded.

But this was only the most recent in a series of seemingly inexplicable shootings in American high schools. As with the shootings in Littleton, Paducah, and Ashland, people are asking how this could have happened.

Hours after the shooting we learned that Williams had been the object of the kind of bullying and harassment that is typical in American high schools. Classmates told reporters that he'd been called a "dork," a "freak," and a "nerd."

If you're wondering "Where were the adults?" it's clear you don't know how most American teenagers are growing up today. American teenagers operate in what has been called a "parallel culture" that operates free of adult interference.

As Leon Botstein, the president of Bard College, wrote in the New York Times, American high schools are the site of something unique in American society: "a gang in which individuals of the same age group define each other's world." This definition includes the imposition of standards that have no relationship to what's needed for success in the real world.

Instead of stepping in and challenging the false values, which are being imposed by elite cliques, or even challenging the kind of cruelty endured by kids like Andy Williams, teachers and administrators adopt a hands-off approach. It's called "non-directed teaching," and kids are allowed to follow their own rules wherever it may take them.

And where do they get these rules? From themselves, with help from the corporations who covet their business. Teenagers are a 150-billion dollar per year market! Companies study today's teenagers to see what they want, and then programmers present kids with an often cruder and more sexualized version of themselves -- always stressing that kids should make their own decisions.

Kids then imitate this "version of themselves," and the result is what NYU professor Douglas Rushkoff calls a "feedback loop." This loop, which is completely adult-free, both validates and shapes teenagers' ideas about right and wrong, what's important and what isn't.

So we've got American kids operating from an artificial set of rules unrelated to real life; they're going to schools where adults don't question those rules, watching media that validates those rules, and being wooed by advertisers who tell them how insightful they really are. Worst of all, their parents are complicit in the creation of the parallel culture.

Whether it's because of a lack of time, or a desire not to "repress" their children, American parents have adopted a hands-off approach to parenting. Instead of direct supervision they get what's called "guilt money" -- money given in lieu of real parental involvement. The lack of supervision and the money reinforce the parallel culture. It's created a creature I call the "autonomous teenager."

Well, the autonomous teenager has got to go if we're to avoid horrors like Santee. What we've forgotten is that we are still dealing with children here. And children need adult supervision. Until we remember the seemingly obvious, we are destined to continue asking ourselves "how this could have happened," and never getting the right answer.

For further reference:

Botstein, Leon. "Let Teen-Agers Try Adulthood." New York Times, 17 May 1999.

Rosenfeld, Megan. "'Merchants of Cool,' Hot on Teens' Trail." Washington Post, 27 February 2001.

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The Seniors Said It Was Okay

John 10:10

Police in New Britain, Connecticut, confiscated a 50-foot-long pile of stolen items in November 2002, the result of a ritual scavenger hunt of the Canettes, New Britain High School's all-girl marching band drill team.

According to The Hartford Courant, police, parents and school personnel were flabbergasted that 42 normally law-abiding girls could wantonly steal so many items in a single evening, but the girls apparently sincerely had a hard time believing that they had done anything wrong. Said one girl, who helped pull a mailbox out of the ground: "I just thought it was a custom ... kind of like a camaraderie thing (and) if the seniors said it was OK and they were in charge, then it was OK."

Corrupting Companions

Proverbs 1:10

Sermon on negative influence of friends. Proverbs 1:10-18

CORRUPTING COMPANIONS

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I. Everybody needs friends.

II. Why we are prone to corrupting companions.

A. The appeal of rebellion.

B. The desire for man's approval.

C. The pleasure of sin.

III. Signs of corruption.

A. False theology. Deut 13:6

B. Specific behavior in Proverbs.

C. Those with loose morals concerning sex. 1 Cor 5:11

IV. Negative influence isn't always obvious.

V. How to handle people-influence.

Image Is Everything: Losing Identity At the Shopping Mall

Was shopping for school with your teenage daughter a challenge this year? If it was, you're not alone. The skimpy clothing popular among young girls has led some public schools to move to uniforms. Not a bad idea.

What's behind the push to dress provocatively? One fact that clues us in, observes Alissa Quart in her new book BRANDED: THE BUYING AND SELLING OF TEENAGERS, is that “youth is nothing less than a metaphor for change.” That is, kids are trying to establish their identities.

Marketers cash in on this search for self by selling “image” to youth — and increasingly, that image is sexual. We've seen this in Abercrombie and Fitch's thong underwear for 7-year-olds, as well as the company's depictions of bare-chested young males with provocative expressions in its advertising. And now Playboy sells clothing for teenagers.

But it's not just the sexual image that many of these companies push on teens; the idea that they can acquire an identity through brands is the real threat to impressionable youth. Quart quotes Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin, who decries the increase in materialism in BAR and BAT MITZVAHS: “Conspicuous consumption with these events teaches the children that spending and having [are] more important than being.” For many young people today, spending and having are synonymous WITH being. And having brand names, in their minds, is what makes them become “cool.”

“Cool is essential in establishing a brand identity,” notes Ken Myers of MARS HILL AUDIO, “especially with teenagers, whose purchases tend to be more desperately linked with the establishment of an identity than are those of adults.”

“The term BRAND,” says Quart, “suggests both the ubiquity of logos in today's teen dreams and the extreme way these brands define teen identities.” It's true — it's hard to turn your head in public without seeing brand names on posters, billboards, or the sides of buses. And this affects young people profoundly.

“One thing that's so compelling and strange about the uptick in marketing to kids,” says Quart, “is how much these practices have taken advantage of organic things that already exist in childhood and adolescence: the desire to communicate [opinions] ... the sense of lack of identity, changing bodies and burgeoning sexuality, a desire to emulate adult culture.”

Manufacturers and advertisers are participating in the phenomenon of “kids getting older younger.” And in the process, imagination has been lost. Kids used to play with stuffed animals and other toys; now they take fashion cues from Britney Spears and play brand-name-laden video games. “The kind of imaginary world kids make up with their toys,” said Myers, “is a zone in which they're really defining themselves.” Now, they're being defined by marketers.

“As Lionel Trilling wrote thirty years ago, authenticity is an even more 'strenuous moral experience' than sincerity. [Brand-name products] aim to harness teens' desire for an ideal ... world and give them a branded one instead,” writes Quart. Our job, of course, is to teach our kids and grandkids to find their identity in themselves as God made them, rather than being swayed by brands and commercialized images — because in allowing themselves to be “branded,” they not only lose money, they lose their true identity.

FOR FURTHER READING AND INFORMATION:

• Alissa Quart, Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers (Perseus, 2003).

• The “Marketing and Consumerism“ page of the Media Awareness Network includes links to resources for parents to teach children and teens about marketing and advertising.

• The May/June 2003 Mars Hill Audio Journal includes an interview with Alissa Quart.

• Sally Beatty, “Too Cool for School,” Wall Street Journal, 15 August 2003.

• “Sexist '60s Symbol Hot With Teen Girls,” Netscape Network.

• Laura Sessions Stepp, “Playboy's Bunny Hops into Teens' Closets,” Washington Post, 17 June 2003, C01.

• Deborah Roffman, “Way Too Much Fantasy with That Dream House,” Washington Post, 22 December 2002, B01.

• Bethany Patchin, “The Eye of the Beholder,” Boundless, 2 August 2000.

• BreakPoint Commentary No. 020916, “Multiplying like Rabbits: Fashion's Assault on Our Children.” (Archived commentary; free registration required.)

• BreakPoint Commentary No. 020617, “From Diapers to Thongs: Abercrombie and 'Outrageous Times'.” (Archived commentary; free registration required.)

• BreakPoint commentary no.010315, “Mooks and Midriffs: Bypassing Parental Authority.” (Archived commentary; free registration required.)

• Michael and Diane Medved, Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children from the National Assault on Innocence (HarperCollins, 1999).

• Wendy Shalit, A Return to Modesty (Scribner, 2000).

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Who Are You Spending Time With?

Job 34:8

Do you remember Bob Hayes, the man who was named “World’s Fastest Human”?

He was a hero of 1964 Olympics, bringing home the Gold Medal in the 100 meter run, and being clocked at incredible 8.5 seconds in the final 110 yards of 400 meter relay run.

After the Olympics, he became an all-pro wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. His college coach said that if there had ever been a kid he wished was his, it was Bob Hayes.

Then, in April 1979 Bob was convicted of selling narcotics to an undercover agent. He received two 5-year prison sentences. He went from the pinnacle of success to prison.

According to Hayes, and those who cared most about him, his downfall was caused by his inability to choose good friends. The people he hung around gave him a bad example and got him into trouble.

As a rule, we usually reflect the thoughts and lifestyles of the people we spend the most time with.

Who are you spending time with?

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[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #20930]

You May Be One of His Changes

Job 34:8

I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: “I am not available right now, but I thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

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Contributed to “Life in These United States” by Antonio Curtis; source: DailyInBox Presents, http://dailyinbox.com

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How We Flock To Destruction

Matthew 7:13

No one has ever claimed that sheep were the smartest animals on earth. A few weeks ago, in a village in Turkey, they lived up to their not-so-bright reputation. One sheep wandered away from the flock to the edge of a nearby cliff, and he decided it would be fun to jump off. Of course it was the last thing he ever did. Suddenly, all the sheep decided to play “Follow the Leader” and 1,500 sheep leaped off that cliff to the rocks below, creating at the bottom the world's largest sweater. Actually, it was no joking matter. The town lost more than $100,000 in the great sheep massacre.

I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “How We Flock to Destruction.”

It's not an accident that over and over the Bible likens us humans to sheep. I'd rather be a lion or a bear or a wise old owl. But the Bible says I'm a sheep. Why? Because we tend to follow where the crowd is going, no matter what that may cost us. Let's face it. There's peer pressure at every age and stage in your life, isn't there? Obviously, young people are pressured to follow where their friends are going, to be what the youth culture tells them they're supposed to be, no matter what heartache that may cause. Everybody's going; I've got to go with them.

But then, there's parent peer pressure too - for you to do and to allow what all the other parents are doing and allowing. After all, who wants to be an “un-cool” mom or dad? Right? There's tons of pressure in your business to do things the way that's “smart” even if what “everybody does” is against the ways of Jesus. If you're in the academic world, you face pressure to do what's considered the intelligent thing in your area, even if it contradicts the revealed Word of God in the Bible. But who wants to be ostracized or written off as primitive or simple? There's even religious peer pressure to simply follow what your church or religion says is the way to God and the way to live for God, no matter what the Bible says.

Here's what Jesus said about our decisions to follow what most of the flock is doing. It's in Matthew 7:13-14, our word for today from the Word of God. “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is that gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Jesus says that the right way is usually the road not taken, or at least the road not taken by many. The wrong road is easy - at its beginning. But the farther you go on it, the harder it gets - until it takes you right over the cliff. The right road is hard and even lonely at first, but it's the one that leads to life. Make a destination choice - not the one that will win you the most friends right now but the one that will take you where you want to end up.

Jesus' statement suggests that a whole lot of people who think they're going to end up in heaven when they die aren't going there. “Few,” He said will find life. That's why it's dangerous just to follow a religious flock and hope that they know what they're doing. Your religion won't take you to heaven. Only Jesus can do that because only Jesus died to remove the sin that will keep you out of heaven. Only Jesus rose from the dead to be a living Savior for you. The question isn't, “What religion are you?” It's, “What are you counting on as the reason that God will let you into His heaven?” If it's anything other than Jesus, anything in addition to Jesus, it's the wrong road, no matter how many people are on it. The Bible talks about a way “...that seems right to a man but it ends in death.”

Even your Christianity won't get you to heaven, because Christianity isn't Christ. It's about Christ, but it's Christ you've got to have to get into heaven. If you're not sure you belong to Him, it's just not smart to wait another day to get things settled with Him. You need to tell Him, “Jesus, I give up my trust in all other things. I trust only in your death for my sins, and beginning today I'm Yours.”

You can be on a road where there's a lot of other people and discover when it's too late that it leads to destruction. It's time to start following Jesus. Then you can go to sleep tonight knowing your eternal destination - you're going to heaven with the One who died to take you there.

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Pointed Words From Brother Louis Beloney

Luke 11:28

I am the middle of five kids. My mom and dad were divorced when I was 6 years old. As a single mother of five kids, my mom had a lot of rules; however, the one that was non-negotiable was that everyone in our house had to attend church on Sunday mornings.

My mom would often say that everyone who sleeps in her beds, eats her food and drinks her water had to go to church on Sunday mornings. I have told people through the years that my mom gave me my first “drug” problem -- she drug me to church, she drug me to Sunday School and she drug me to Vacation Bible School! However, the fact of the matter is, I was just going to church but not living for God after the benediction.

Because my mom had to work two to three jobs, I literally lived the life of a street kid, getting involved in things and living a lifestyle that I knew was not pleasing to God. However, it was a lifestyle that all of my so-called friends were living and I wanted to be just like them.

I shudder to think where I would be today if I had gotten caught doing the wrong things simply because I was hanging around the wrong crowd. Several of the guys I used to run the streets with are either in prison, alcoholics, drug addicts or are dead as a result of their lifestyle choices. As I look back on those days, I often think that “but for the grace of God there go I.”

The turning point in my life happened in the summer of 1977. I had joined a motorcycle gang that my mom was totally against. However, because she was always working, she could not prevent me from hanging with the guys in the gang. One evening, I was riding my motorcycle and saw a car turning in the intersection where I was turning. I tried to avoid a collision, but it was inevitable. The next thing I remember is laying with blood covering my leg and head in Charity Hospital of New Orleans. I soon was told that I had a compound fracture in my left leg and had a serious head wound.

While lying in the hospital recovering from my wounds, I received a lot of visitors. Some I remember and some I don’t, but there was one visitor I will never forget. His name was Brother Louis Beloney, an older deacon at the church that I was being “drug” to every Sunday. He asked me how I was doing and told me how concerned my family was about me. Then he did and said something I will never forget. Brother Beloney pointed his finger within one inch of my face and said these words: “Boy, obedience is better than sacrifice. If you were obedient to your mom, you would not be sacrificing your life in this hospital. You better get your life together, ask God to forgive you and to give you another chance to get it right!” Then he prayed for me and told me that he and God loved me -- now that is what I call direct evangelism!

That night, I made a deal with God. I said, “God, I do not know if I am going to live or die. But if you wake me up tomorrow morning, I will live for you all the days of my life.” The next morning I woke up, gave God the praise and was determined to keep my vow to the Lord, and I have never looked back. I like to refer to my salvation testimony as my “Damascus Road” experience similar to the apostle Paul.

After getting out of the hospital, I willingly attended the church that I had been drug to all of my life as a kid. When the invitation was extended, with tears in my eyes, I walked down the aisle of that church and asked the members for their forgiveness and prayers. I told them of the vow I made to the Lord at the hospital and asked them to hold me accountable.

At the end of the service many of the members came to greet me. The first person in that line was Brother Louis Beloney. Today, he is in heaven watching the fruit of his labor. He has seen the young man that he challenged get saved, become a street preacher, become a pastor and eventually make history as the first African American president of the Southern Baptist Convention. That is why I am a living witness that “obedience is indeed better than sacrifice.” To God be the glory, great things He has done!

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Fred Luter is senior pastor of Franklin Avenue Baptist Church in New Orleans and a former president of the Southern Baptist Convention.

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[Original illustration at this number was added to HolwickID #9347]

Breaking the Spiral of Silence

Job 7:11

Inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” researchers Rob Willer, Ko Kuwabara and Michael Macy devised a set of ingenious experiments that showed how distressingly easy it is to make people go against what they believe to be true.

One of the experiments involved wine-tasting, in which participants evaluate both the wine and one another’s wine-tasting skills. The participants were given three samples of wine. In reality, all three samples were from the same bottle. One had even been tainted with vinegar!

Before they delivered their evaluation, they listened to other participants, who were plants, who praised the vinegar-laced wine as the best. Half of the participants went against their own taste buds and joined in praising the vinegary concoction.

Even more interesting is what happened next. Another participant, who was also a plant, told the truth about the wines. But when it came time for the participants to evaluate each other, some of them were permitted to do so confidentially, and the others had to do so publicly.

The ones who gave their evaluations confidentially praised the truth-teller. But those who had to evaluate the truth-teller publicly actually turned on him and gave him low marks.

The researchers call this phenomenon “false enforcement,” which they define as “the public enforcement of a norm that is not privately endorsed.”

What sustains the norm isn’t its popularity, much less its validity but, instead, the desire to “avoid a negative social judgment from one’s peers,” according to the report. Important words.

And the desire to “avoid a negative social judgment” feeds what German sociologist Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann called the “Spiral of Silence.”

Simply stated, out of a desire to avoid reprisal or isolation, people go along with what they think is the popular opinion — even if they object to that opinion personally. Instead of voicing their objections, they remain silent.

That’s precisely what’s happening in the debate over so-called same-sex “marriage.” Actually, “debate” is a misnomer. There’s no lack of evidence indicating that most Americans oppose it: Every time the question has been put on the ballot, voters have upheld the traditional definition of marriage.

Yet to voice that private opinion in public is to be subjected to a real-life version of what happened to the wine-tasters: an almost-universal chorus of people telling you that any “right-thinking” person favors so-called same-sex “marriage,” and that those who don’t are homophobes and “bigots.”

The result is the “spiral of silence.” People keep their supposedly “wrong-thinking” opinions to themselves, which, in turn, reinforces the impression that same-sex “marriage” is inevitable.

The good news is these kinds of spirals are fragile: Once exposed, they unravel. All it takes is someone like the little boy in Andersen’s fable to pipe up and say, “Hey, the emperor has no clothes!”

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Lemmings Aren't As Dumb As You Think

Job 31:33

When a group of people is said to be like lemmings, we mean they are acting like a dumb herd and not thinking for themselves. Not just a dumb herd, but a suicidal one, rushing off a cliff to their oblivion. No one wants to be like that - not even lemmings, it turns out.

The bad reputation of lemmings originated in their tendency to have population spikes. When conditions are ripe, huge numbers of lemmings spread across the Scandinavian wilderness. After they eat up all the food in one area, they swarm into new areas.

The definitive public image was shaped by Walt Disney. Soon after their movie Bambi was a huge success they produced a series of feature-length nature documentaries. One of them was titled White Wilderness and starred lemmings. In an infamous scene, the lemmings reach the edge of a precipitous cliff and a voiceover tells us that “this is the last chance to turn back, yet over they go, casting themselves bodily out into space.” Their suicide reputation was effectively cast into stone.

The filmmakers took some liberties, however. They used a different country (Canada) and the wrong kind of lemming; Eskimos were paid $1 for each live lemming but they were brown lemmings instead of Scandinavian ones. And the lemmings did not march voluntarily off the cliff into the sea - a truck dumped them over. Once you know the sequence has been faked, it makes for rather awkward viewing. Several of the brown lemmings pause at the edge. One or two look like they are trying to turn back. They don’t want to be there at all. They don’t want to jump. It looks less like suicide and more like murder. They may just be rodents but they are not stupid. Think about that the next time someone says you are acting just like a lemming.