Mike Bickle addresses the challenge of responding to criticism within our spiritual family, emphasizing the importance of listening, learning, and loving in the face of both constructive and destructive criticism. He highlights that criticism can be a tool for growth, particularly in relationships such as marriages and families, and encourages individuals to approach criticism with humility and a desire to improve. Bickle stresses that the ultimate goal is to grow in love, as love is the currency we carry into eternity. He reminds us that our responses to criticism can either foster bitterness or lead to healing and deeper connections.

As a spiritual family, we're in a season of heightened criticism. It's not the first time, won't be the last time. Some of the criticism is actually very helpful. Some of it isn't that helpful. But I always want to learn and gain insight from criticism, no matter how accurate it is or is not. Any portion of insight we can gain, we want to gain it. That's on a personal level and a corporate level. But I want to use this moment, I'm going to shift gears now, to really talk about how we as individuals, how we respond to criticism. This very, very important, common human dynamic that all of us face throughout our entire life. I want to focus in particularly on marriages and on families, thinking of parents to children, children back to their parents, siblings one to another, and then on to friendships and co-workers in the marketplace and ministry, etc. Because what happens in our heart when we receive criticism or when we give criticism, is one of the most important things about our spiritual life. And when I use criticism, many times I'm referring to constructive criticism. Somebody who loves you, telling you about a blind spot in your life, because they want to see it improve, that's the high, that's the optimum, all the way to somebody who's just mad at you, and they want to do something other than just see you blessed and improved. But this way that we steward criticism, the way we receive it, the way we give it, is one of the most important things about our spiritual life. And it's something we face, I mean, day in and day out for years and years and years. It's one of the most important things about our marriages. It's about our relationships with other people. Paragraph A, 1 Timothy 1, 5. Paul said the goal of receiving Bible instruction is that we would grow in love. That's God's goal for our life. Now, of course, that's our goal, but it really is God's goal for our life. It's sort of our goal, but it really is His goal for our life. And He will allow other dynamics to take place to give us opportunity to grow in love. Bob Jones had a very powerful experience with the Lord in 1975. It was his first, as far as I know, major encounter with the Lord, 1975. Now, we know Bob's with the Lord right now, but he stood before the Lord, and the question the Lord asked him, did you learn to love? And that was something that Bob said many times over the years. And I believe that when we stand before the Lord, the primary question He's going to ask us, did you learn to love? Because love is the only thing that we actually bring from this life to the age to come. It is our history of love. It is, I like to call it, the currency of eternity. You know, we do a lot of things have different forms of currency here, but that's the currency we bring with us when we transition to the age to come. In Philippians chapter 1, verse 9 and 10, Paul said, I pray that your love would abound still more and more. In verse 10, he said that you would approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and live without offense in your heart. What a powerful prayer. Now, the context is important, because the church at Philippi that he was writing this prayer and praying this prayer for was in the midst of a very intense persecution from the government. And when the government, the social infrastructures and the political infrastructures are persecuting the gospel, it creates all kinds of relational dynamics. I mean, it interrupts family dynamics, because one guy is standing for the Lord, one guy isn't, and the other one's in between. It affects so many relational dynamics in the context of persecution when Paul wrote this verse. I think it's interesting that Paul did not pray, Lord, I ask you to lift the persecution. That's not what he prayed. He said, Lord, I ask you. They would abound in love in the midst of the trials, and they would not have any offense that would take root in their heart. No offense. But rather, they would approve the things that are excellent, which are related to love. And to approve the things that are excellent, the word approve, it means to lay hold of, to rejoice in. In other words, they wouldn't look for shortcuts to avoid the things that are excellent. They take hold of them. They would abound in love. And he says, I know you're walking in love, but he goes, this persecution and all the trickle-down effect of so many relational dynamics in the home, in the marketplace, the neighborhood, who stands, who doesn't stand, who's half and half, who's shifting their position, all of that takes place. And Paul says, keep your eye on the goal. It's to abound in love. That's the goal. And I find that over and over throughout our life, we are called to realign our heart back to that primary goal. Because we get all the secondary goals, which are still important, the secondary goals of our life, want to edge this love thing out and be, make it secondary, making growing in love secondary. And the Lord says, no, that's absolutely number one. And that's how I'm leading your life. Paragraph B, now everybody faces criticism their whole life. They face criticism, they receive it, and they give it. And again, even, I'm talking constructive criticism, helpful criticism. Criticism that's motivated with goodwill behind it, but it's still criticism. The way you receive it, the way you give it. Again, it's one of the most important things about marriage, about relationships, about our spirituality. Now, receiving criticism is one of the most painful things a human experiences. Because with criticism is the feeling of rejection, the feeling of inadequacy, the feeling of failure. So many feelings are attached to criticism, even constructive criticism. I've talked to, I remember talking to one man that was persecuted in the underground church in China. I mean really persecuted, beaten a number of times. He says, and I was having this long conversation with him, and I said the most surprising thing. He said, he goes, the beatings I took, I took several of them. His bones were even broken on an occasion or two. He said, the criticism I get now that I'm out of prison, from the body of Christ for various things, is more painful to me than the rods that hit my body. I thought, no way. Give me a critic any day over a rod. He goes, no, no, it is more painful to me. And so this is not a small subject. Very, very big subject because the emotions that are so attached to it. Again, the feeling of failure, the feeling of rejection, the feeling of inadequacy, the feeling of the unknown, the feelings of fear that come when criticism touches us. Paragraph C, Romans 8, verse 28. Paul said, we know everything works together for good. But he put the qualifier to the people that have set their heart to grow in love. Meaning, a lot of people quote this verse, but they don't put the qualifier. They think everything will work together for good. And what that translates is, eventually, maybe take 10 or 20 years, I'll end up with more money. Eventually, I'll end up with more favor in the eyes of human dynamics. Eventually, I'll have more influence. Paul says, well, that's not exactly what I said. You may end up like Paul. He ended up in prison getting killed at the end. So Paul didn't say, we know that all things work together for good. You're eventually going to have more favor, more friends, more money. Things are going to be easier. He says, no, if your grid, if your paradigm is to grow in love, everything is going to work together. God will overrule it if you respond right to where love grows in you. And you bring that with you to the age to come. And that's what he meant in the next passage when he said, you'll be conformed to the image of his son. That's the purpose, to grow in love. Paragraph D. There's three simple words that I just want to put out there. I mean, you could say this a hundred different ways. But three words that just kind of summarize, not perfectly, not comprehensively, but the main idea of what it means to respond in humility in the face of criticism. Because, again, you receive it near daily, if not a number of times throughout the day at various levels. And I believe that responding in humility, I mean, the whole of our life is in the balance of that one issue right there. How we respond when somebody points out the negative in our life, whether good motives or bad motives, whether fully accurate or partially accurate. Our natural temptation and tendency is to get locked in with how accurate the information is rather than responding in humility. Some guy comes and says something, well, you have a wrong spirit and you exaggerated it. And I don't even have to listen to you. But the Holy Spirit might whisper and say, but there's seeds of truth in it that you could gain and improve by. If you could capture that, there's areas of insensitivity, areas of where you are deficient in love. You could actually grow if you listened, even though the spirit of the criticism isn't right. Even though the process, even though the information isn't. And if we could carry that in our families, I'm talking parents to children, adult children, teenage children, back and forth, but all directions, siblings, one to another, close friends, coworkers in ministry. We would get locked into learning and listening and loving versus being preoccupied with how accurate the information is in its entirety. Well, let's look at these three simple words. Listen. Now, this is probably one of the top two or three things essential in a marriage that's going to be healthy and whole is the ability to listen. That we would carefully listen. I mean, it's parents to children, children to parents. Carefully listen instead of having a predetermined conclusion that the criticism is not valid really. I mean, as humans, we're predisposed instantly to search for ways where the criticism is not valid. And the Holy Spirit would whisper in our hearts and say, No, no, no, no, slow down. Slow that internal machinery down, that internal working. Listen. Listen. There's things to be gained. It says in James 1, verse 19, Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. But those first two words, everyone, this is a kingdom principle we never graduate from, ever. The most mature apostle and the newest believer, everyone. Kingdom of God 101, here it is. Second word, must. This isn't optional. We're going to grow in the things of the kingdom. Must be active listeners. Attentive listeners, quick to listen. Now, obviously that involves when somebody is telling their side in the conversation of they're bringing an insight or they're bringing a complaint or they're disturbed, it's not interrupting, not cutting them off, which is so natural to do for all human beings, to want to hurry it up and make it clear that the criticism isn't so valid as it's being presented. And many times it may be only 10 or 20%. There may be only a seed of truth, but the truth is worth hearing. Well, listening involves more than just not interrupting. Listening involves hearing, discerning those unspoken words, the unspoken pain, the unspoken disappointment that the person who's bringing the criticism doesn't even know how to articulate. They maybe don't even have it defined, but there's a pain, there's a hurt, and they're speaking that pain is real, that disappointment is real. And the Lord would whisper in our hearts and say, if you listen, you'll catch some of that. And I can, not only will you grow in love, you'll be a key, one of the keys to help unlock their heart if you listen. The very fact of listening is an expression of love. Now, it's not the fullness of love, love is more than that, but listening is a profound part of expressing love. Simply listening. I'm talking about to the neighbors. Now, in our case, we have really good neighbors. The Chisholm's live right next door, so, you know, I mean, who wouldn't listen to them? But I'm talking about in the generic sense. You might have a hostile neighbor. Listening, you say, ah, that guy, he always does that. Maybe he was raised up and had pain all his life, he's 70 years old, and you, by listening to him, might be a key that unlocks his heart. He doesn't even know how to talk about his pain, he doesn't want to talk about his pain, but his pain comes out. Now, in marriage, obviously, this is 101, and I was much bolder last night in the first service, I mean, last night and this morning, but my wife is here in the front row, so, gee whiz. I mean, I was waxing eloquent last night. You should have heard me talk on this point, sweetheart. But the guy says to the wife, she knows I love her. I've been married 10 or 20 years to her, he might say, I already know what she's going to say. She knows I love her. And the Lord's answer is, listen. There's unspoken pains, there's unspoken desires, there's unspoken aspirations, there's unspoken dreams, there's unspoken disappointments, there's the positive and the negative that's all wrapped up together. Your listening gets a chance for some of that to be discerned, even if it's not spoken clearly. James 1, verse 19 is, again, it's kingdom of God 101, it's walking in love 101, it's basic. I find this is one of the biggest challenges in my 40 years of ministry, is bringing my words into greater alignment with the Holy Spirit, and listening with greater attentiveness. I hope I'm doing better than 40 years ago, but this is an area where the Lord's always saying, excel, still more, do more, go, grow beyond. And the Lord gives many opportunities for every one of us to excel in this. Number two, it's not enough to listen. Listen is that posture where we're gaining the insight. But what are we going to do with the insight? Number two, learn. It's having a teachable spirit. It's not just gaining the insight, even the insight that's below the surface and the one that's bringing in the criticism. But learning is making that determination, that teachable spirit that determines, I'm going to change. It's that clear determination, not just I patiently listened for an hour, didn't say a word, I listened carefully for an hour, but the next step in this humility is this determination. I'm going to talk different. I'm going to carry my heart different. I'm going to approach things differently. Now we make that determination thousands of times before it's fully mature. But there's a time where listening moves to a determination to do it differently. Learning from it. Seeing the criticism as a teachable moment. We make those adjustments. I mean our most natural temptation is again not to learn from it, but to already have a predisposed answer as to why the criticism isn't valid, or why it isn't mostly valid. I think one of the most normal human responses is defensiveness. We're defending ourselves in our mind while they're talking, waiting for the break to give the answer. But there's other negative responses. Anger, which is more intense than defensiveness. Or the authoritarian spirit of I'm the boss of the company. I'm the leader of the family. I'm the husband. I'm in authority here. That authoritarian spirit. Instead of learning, instead of hearing to learn so we can make determination to respond differently. Responding in an authoritarian way. But then there's the condescending. It's not authoritarian. It's the person being criticized assumes the role of the teacher. Setting things clear to all that are criticizing. The condescending. There's the shaming. Oh, you want to play that game? And they turn the shame on them to silence them and cause them to draw back. And the Lord says, no, no. Go different. Don't respond in defensiveness or anger or authoritarian or any of these kind of ways. The shame, the condescending. But rather determine this is a learning moment. I have here paragraph 2. The end. It's something I've said over the years. It's kind of a joke, but I actually kind of mean it too. That your critics, whether well-motivated or not, whether fully accurate or not, if you could see them as a free research team, they are showing you blind spots, even a portion of a blind spot, that you can't see yourself. I mean, you go down the road, you got to pay some guy $100 an hour to tell you that. Seriously. Go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. You talk to them for hours. $100 an hour. They'll tell you, well, you got some anger. You got some issues there. You're, yeah, thank you. Thank you, doctor. Next time somebody comes and criticizes you, give them $10. And understand you saved $90. Yeah, their spirit was a little bad, but it was a lot cheaper. Saved you $90 an hour. Give them $10. Say, hey, anytime. Now, that's kind of a joke, but not entirely. They will give us insight. I'm talking about in our family units. That's where I'm really zeroing in on. I'm talking about in our friendships. Talking about the guy on the other end of town who's not mad, glad, or sad about this or that. It's all of these arenas. Listen and gain understanding. Well, it's not enough to listen to get the insight, to learn, to make determinations. Number three, we got to actually walk it out, express it outwardly. The determination that we're learned from, that we're really resolved to respond different, that's good, but it isn't quite enough. We've got to walk it out. We don't walk it out consistently, as consistent as we want, but we keep signing up to walk this out. Matthew 5 verse 44 is one of the most powerful descriptions of how love is walked out. I mean, it's so clear, it's so weighty, it's so all-inclusive. Matthew 5, 44, this verse is probably the most neglected verse in the teaching of Jesus, all of his teachings. Matthew 5, 44, we all know it. I say to you, Matthew 5, 44, he says four things. Love your enemy. Number two, bless those who curse you. Number three, do good to people who hate you. Hate? Ugh. Number four, pray for those who use you on purpose. I mean, they spitefully use you. It's not accidentally use you, they are trying to use you. Now look at these four things, these four responses of what active love really is. Now if we, Jesus takes us to the ultimate expression of our enemies, and how much more do we do this to our family members and coworkers, et cetera, et cetera. Jesus takes us to the most extreme, and he goes, how much more all the other examples in your life? I mean, what a goal, what a definition to look for in terms of growing your love. Well, let's look at each one for just a few seconds each. Love your enemies. That phrase is so extreme that we almost do nothing with it. Really, besides put it on a poster. I mean, I don't know anybody who really does that. Actively, continually shows love to an enemy. I mean, it's a natural for us to love people who love what we love, and especially who love us. I mean, to like, to show love to people who like the same things we like, and that are for us. I mean, that's even challenging, because even some of them, they annoy us through the journey. I'm trying to be patient with him. I mean, I love him. I know he loves me. Jesus says, no, no, I'm talking about something far more radical than that. Loving your enemies. As I've stared at this over the years, I just go, Lord, this is, huh. I've tried to do these over the years. When I've tried to do these, I haven't done great at them, but I've kept them, not always, but at various seasons, I put them on the front burner, and right on the screen, I go, I'm going to literally do these. Then a season will go by, and I'll just kind of lose sight of it, and then the Lord will bring it up again, and bless those who curse you. Do good to those that hate you. Pray for those that spitefully use you. Now, what I found out is that when I tried to do these, these are the opposite spirit of being defensive, or retaliation, or anger. This is operating in the opposite spirit of that. So what I try to do, I go, okay, I'm going to bless the guy who curses me. I'm going to pray for the one who's using me on purpose. Okay, I said, I remember in my young days, I set my heart to do this. I said, I'm going to do this all the days of my life, and then I was so surprised. I went, okay, Lord, this particular guy I'm thinking of, I had a bunch of them in my early days, lots of folks too, and some of them really bothered me. And I said, okay, Lord, I want you to, well, not really bless them, bless their kids. I mean, don't technically bless them. You know what I mean, Lord. I have found there was a hesitation. There was a storm of emotion that came to the forefront of my thinking and my understanding that was in me. A storm I'm not even aware of until I try to do these four things. I think I'm doing good. I mean, I'm walking with the Lord and doing good. I'm really progressing. And in one way, you are, but the big issue is this, growing in love. Then I start blessing someone who is on purpose cursing me, like, well. And I concluded that just being quiet, peacefully restrained when somebody curses me, not doing anything bad, just peacefully restrained, people will look at that. In anyone's life, they'll go, wow, man, they're not answering in a bad way. That's amazing. Jesus said, no, no, I want more than peacefully restrained and silent. That's not what I want. I want you to bless them. Now, to bless them doesn't mean to tell lies about their character. Like, he's the nicest guy, when the truth is he's a liar and a creep, you know. That's not what Jesus is saying. Make up something. But he's saying, look for even budding virtues in their life that are not mature and talk about those. And again, I've done this over the years, and certainly not enough and certainly not well, but my point I'm making is, when I do it, a storm comes up in me, and the Lord goes, you got it now. That's the thing you need to see, because if you don't see it, you can't heal it. You can't get healed of that if you don't see it. And you've got this storm in you, you don't even know about until you do, verse 44. And then you're working that spiritual muscle by doing these four things. And it's like, no, I don't want to do it, but Lord, I love your leadership. No, I don't want to do it, but I'm so grateful for the way you love me. Lord, I don't want to do it, but I want to be under your grace and leadership. Okay, I'll do it a little bit, but I'm not that happy about it. You're working that spiritual muscle, and what happens when you respond in the opposite spirit of defensiveness and anger and retaliation? What happens is the spirit of liberty begins to grow in your life. And what I mean by the spirit of liberty, it doesn't mean you get to do anything you want anywhere you want to do it. Some people think liberty is, I can do anything anywhere. That's not liberty. A lot of times that's lawlessness. Liberty, the spirit of liberty, means you're liberated from defensiveness. You're liberated from anger. You're liberated from condemnation and fear. He's talking about liberation from negative emotions. And I find that when I endeavor to do verse 44, when I endeavor to do it, even if I don't do it well, the emotion, the clarity of the true state of where my heart is comes clear, and the Lord goes, that's worth gold to you if you can get a hold of the value of that, because now you can deal with it and get it healed. Many believers live their whole life never aware of the reality of that storm that's in them because it's just under the surface. Because they don't ever actually serve and bless people who hate them. So the Lord has, over the years, nudged me along and says, no, I want you more than being quiet. I actually want you to bless them, do good for them. But I find it hard, actually, the doing, to be totally honest, but I find later that the spirit of liberty increases in my life. And I find myself not as preoccupied with defensiveness, not as preoccupied with retaliation or settling the score, et cetera. Let's go to the top of page two. Now one of the most practical ways to show love is confessing our transgressions, our sins. Now in the context of healing relationships, relationships being restored or even just healed and strengthened in a marriage, in a family, in friendships, coworkers, et cetera, the confessing of sin means acknowledging the deficiency or the weakness, the sin, that's in context to the criticism that's in the relationship. It's not like a guy comes in criticizing you because you respond in anger and then you confess some random sin way over there, completely unrelated. The idea is the acknowledging of that area of deficiency and weakness in your life. And James went on to say, if you'll do that, healing will begin to spring forth. If the guy criticizing you brings some of his own confession into the dialogue about how he struggles in the very area he's pointing out to you, and you bring some of your own confession of your struggle, both of you are in the process of healing. And just like bitterness trickles out to others, healing like this spreads out and affects other relationships as well in a very powerful way. Now I've said here in paragraph E, I've said this many times, the end of paragraph E, that when you confess your weakness, your sin, don't say I'm sorry if I offended you, but say forgive me because I failed you, or I sinned against you. It didn't even have to be a deliberate sin. It might be just a deficiency being insensitive. I failed you. We've been married 37 years, and in my house, if I go to my wife and say, I'm sorry if you're offended, which translates, I spoke in a very clear way, and because of your fragile emotional makeup, you're offended, I'm sorry. That's what a confession like that means. That doesn't work in my house. Matter of fact, not only do I not gain any ground, I get minus 10 points for that one. If I go to Diane, when I've said something wrong or done something wrong, and say, I'm sorry if you're offended, I mean, what a lame confession. That's not a confession. That's something else. But when I look at her and say, I ask your forgiveness because I was insensitive. I failed you. That works. Now, if somebody comes to you and says, I'm sorry if you're offended, this isn't the time to show them this document right here. Say, thank you, thank you. Let them figure that out on their own time. Don't bring that up to them right when they're saying it to you. Roman numeral two. Well, when we're making our appeals to one another to see relationships restored, Jesus tells us that each believer is to take the initiative in love. Each believer. No matter what the situation is, meaning who initiated the problem. So what he's saying is that if somebody has something against you, Jesus says, you go to that person. If you have something against them, you go to them. So if they're bothering you, you go to them. If you're bothering them, you go to them. Wait, I go to them both times. Lord says, yes. And bothering is not the right word. But troubling, again, with wrong behavior and wrong attitudes directly related to them is what I mean. It's a little bit more than just bothering them. So Jesus said, if your brother is troubled by what you did, you go to him. I thought, well, I'm not troubled, he is. I didn't do anything. He's just all excited about da-da-da-da-da-da-da. The Lord says, you go to him. Me go to him? I'm not doing anything wrong. You go to him. You initiate love. And the other way around. If he troubles you, you go to him. The Lord tells believers, all believers, to take the initiative on every one of the situations. And the idea, if one of them obeys the Lord, goodness will come out of this, usually. So I look at this both occasions. I gotta take initiative. Verse 15. Let's look at this for a moment. If your brother sends, go. Go to your brother. Tell him his fault. But when you tell him, tell him between you and him alone. Privacy is the central dimension for true restoration. He goes, if he doesn't hear you, I know if he hears you, you've gained your brother. One translation says, you've won your brother. You win your brother. If he won't hear you, take one or two people. Now there's quite a few principles here. And this isn't my main idea to go through all of this. But what happens naturally, when somebody offends us, we don't go to them. We just bury it and just get angry. The Lord says, no, no. You don't have the option under my leadership just to get angry and just to duck and avoid the person. You have to share it with them. I don't want to, Lord. He says, well, I really want you to. No, I don't want the conflict. The Lord says, you're in a conflict. You just don't know it. That storm is brewing strong in you and it's going to get worse. But when you go to him, go to him alone. The goal is to win the brother, not to vent, not to get even, not to set him straight, to win him. Now what happens in criticism, giving it or receiving it in a marriage, in a family situation, beloved, we must win the heart of our spouse, not win the argument. We win the argument and lose the heart in the relationship so often, so easily. That's how, I mean, it is in the human experience. The goal is to win the heart of the person to love. That's the goal. Now, if you are not here, you take one or two with them. But before you take one or two people to tell the brother, I don't think you're hearing me. I'm going to bring one or two people. Don't skip telling him and just knock on his door with one or two people and he goes, what's going on here? It's an ambush. No, if you really care about the brother's heart, say, you know what? It's not working. I'm not saying it right. You're not hearing it. We're not connecting. I'm going to bring another brother and I want you to even know about that ahead of time and here's who I'm going to bring. I don't bring him. Okay, here's another option I'll bring. Okay, you can bring him, but not him. I mean, let them, because you're trying to win the heart, not win the argument. One department leader came to me the other day and said, you know, I want to, that guy's, I went to him and he didn't respond right. I'm going over his authority. I want to appeal to the guy over him. Who's the guy over this department? I go, no, go back to that department head and tell him you're going to appeal over him. Do that first. You might get a different response. You might go, oh, okay, okay, okay. Let's talk for just a few more minutes. I go, do it for love. Don't win the argument. Win the heart. Paragraph B. When we make the appeal, the right tone, the right timing, the right process, the right spirit, the right ratio of affirmation to correction, all of those things are key in the appeal. Paul captures some of this in Galatians chapter 6, talking about when we make the appeal. Look at verse 1. He goes, if a man is overtaken in a sin, you who are spiritual, now he defines what a person who has spiritual maturity, how they approach someone who's overtaken in a sin or a deficiency, a failure, when somebody is overtaken, here's what a spiritual man or woman does. Paul says, here's what you do. Number one, you restore them. You seek to restore them. That's what you're after. You're after their win and their good, their connection with the Lord and with others. Number two, go in a spirit of gentleness. And number three, look to yourself. Bring your own struggle into the dialogue when you're bringing the attention of the deficiency to the brother. Bring your own struggle into the conversation. So Paul said, you who are spiritual, you who have spiritual maturity, you see the deficiency. It's in the wife. It's in the family member. It's in the neighbor. It's in the co-worker. If you're really spiritual, first, set your heart. I want restoration. I wanna win him. I want restoration. I want him to win. I want restoration. I want him to work. That's number one, if you're spiritual. Number two, go in gentleness. Not authoritarian. Not condescending. Not vengeance. Not payback. Not it's about time you get it straight. None of that stuff. Gentleness. And number three, bring some of your own weakness into the conversation when you go. Paul says, a spiritual woman or a spiritual man, they will approach it that way in their home, in their family, in their relationships. Paragraph C, Galatians 5, verse 15. This was just a verse or two before the one we just read. He's talking about relational conflict and criticism. Look what he says just a moment before he talked about going in gentleness to restore. Look at Galatians 5, 15. If you bite and devour one another, beware, lest you be consumed. Paul is saying if you go accusation for accusation, you will consume each other. You'll consume each other's time. You'll consume each other's motivation to love. You'll consume each other's emotional resources. You will consume relationships in a negative way. You'll burn them up. Go accusation for accusation. Nobody wins. Nobody wins. Go argument for argument. Nobody wins. Paul says you'll consume each other if you approach it that way. Approach it in the opposite spirit. Go in love. Now, the person who confesses, who brings their own weakness, the one who confesses first loves most. That's very important in marriage. And the one who loves most wins. Maybe not in the court of man, but in the court of God, the one who loves most wins. And the one who confesses first is the one that loves most. So when I'm in these relationships, I want to say, Lord, I want to excel in love. I want to bring this currency of love into the age to come with me. I know how all things work together through the paradigm of me growing in love. So it may be hard. I may lose out in this, that, and the other. But, hey, I want to win in the realm of love. I want to bring it with me to the age to come. If we respond wrongly, I have written here in paragraph C, the conflict escalates. The Lord spoke to me years ago. Bless. I didn't need to hear it from the Lord in a direct way. It's in Matthew 5, verse 44. We just read it. Bless those who curse you. Don't curse those who curse you. Because, again, I get caught into a wrong spirit. And I only get liberty if I operate in the opposite spirit of it. And I want liberty. I want to walk in the liberty of love. But the thing escalates. I don't want to win an argument. I want to win love. I want to win the heart, not win the argument. And if you'll take that into your family dynamics, you will have a prosperity and a blessing. Because a lot of folks have been married lots of years, but because the way they steward their criticism, the way they give it and receive it, is so different than the kingdom style, the biblical view, that though they're still married, they're living in a truce distant from one another, but living in the same home. Because they don't bring criticism in the right spirit, and they don't receive it. Parents. I mean, maybe they're adult children. They honor them with their words like, you know, I really love my mom and dad, but they don't have a heart connect anymore. And not only this, but criticism, the way it's given and the way it's received, from them, back and forth. I'm not putting it all on one, but it's that whole arena that breaks and consumes. Final verse here, Hebrews 12, verse 15. Look carefully, lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble. For by this many become defiled. And beware, lest there be any fornicator like Esau. Like, seems like, what? How did verse 16 follow verse 15? We'll go there in a moment. Well, verse 15, just real briefly. The writer of Hebrews says, look carefully. Because bitterness has a root system. And the way a root system operates, is that it grows below the surface, and it's not obvious at a glance. It's not immediately obvious, because the root system is growing underneath, and the eye can't see it. He goes, be careful. Because bitterness is one of the most evasive things, meaning, most people see bitterness in others, but they don't see it in their own heart. Because the root system grows before it's observable and clear to the eye. He says, but it will spring up. It'll cause you trouble. It'll cause you emotional trouble. It will get in the inside of you. You won't be able to process your relationship with the Lord right. You won't process relationships right. It will affect every way that you process life. It will cause trouble. It will inevitably leak out of your words, and then it will defile others. And it will defile you spiritually, emotionally. It will affect your family. It will just trickle down. It has a root system of defilement. Over the years, I've been in ministry now about 40 years, and four or five times, I'm not saying this so it's not all the time, but four or five times in the 40 years, I get this surprising direction from the Lord. I'm in a situation, and my heart's not responding, and I don't have the same energy to respond. I don't have the same liberty that I even had a few years earlier, and I'm bogged down, and my emotions feel jaded, and I'm hearing criticism, and things aren't working, and I don't have the same liberty that I had a few years ago. And the Lord has told me four or five times. It was shocking every time, which only shows you that I'm proud that it shocks me. The Lord says, you have a residue of bitterness. And when the Lord has made this clear to me, my response, I don't like that word. Lord, no, I don't think you understand, Lord. I teach against bitterness. I don't do bitterness. I teach against it. I teach on forgiveness. I don't do unforgiveness. I teach on forgiveness. I don't have a residue of bitterness. I mean, I don't do that. I mean, Christianity 101, I'm past that. Four or five times. I mean, some years go by, and He finally communicates residue of bitterness. I go, ah, ouch, ugh, ah. Say it to the people you're related to. And I've done it a few times. I go, I've got a residue of bitterness. And they go, yeah, we know. And I go, oh, oh. I was the last to know. But here's what a residue of bitterness is. It's that jaded emotion. That the criticisms, the, just the difficulties. I don't have the same vibrant, buoyant response as a few years ago. Whatever that fully means. I don't know exactly what that means. But it's not the same. I'm just far more irritated, far more on edge, far more jaded. We just call that burnout. The Lord calls it a residue of bitterness. Because you deal with that. You confess it. You own it. And you start operating, Matthew 5, 44. You don't love your enemies, bless those that curse, pray for those that spite. You operate in the opposite spirit. And that residue will be lifted off of you. You'll be cleansed. And you'll have that liberty and love. You'll feel like you did before. You'll have the energy and the relationships. And when you're in the midst of criticism, it won't get to you. And it won't touch you like it is when you have a residue of bitterness. Beloved, when you have a residue of bitterness, you just get jaded and everything bothers you. And the Lord says, beware. It's a root system that grows without you watching it grow. It grows out of your sight, out of your awareness. It's growing underground. But it's growing strong. Then my final point, just for one moment here. Verse 16, he says, beware lest there be any fornicators. Like, what? How is verse 15, beware of a root of bitterness. Verse 16, beware of fornication immorality. Like, did you change the subject in one verse? And the writer of Hebrews could say, no. No, I didn't change them. Because a residue of bitterness and immorality go hand in hand. I remember some years ago, I heard the most troubling statement from a man. I mean, it just scared me. Fear of God, I went, unbelievable. I never thought such a thought. He said this. He was a guy in ministry and he was trapped in immorality. And he was sent down for a short season or whatever season and out of ministry. And his heart got healed. And he came back and he said, he goes, I'll tell you what happened. I mean, it's years later. He goes, I got into bitterness. I said, okay, that makes sense. He goes, no. He goes, when I got in bitterness, it got so intense in me, my emotions were so jaded. The only comfort I could find from the bitterness was immorality. I said, really? Tense. He goes, yeah. He goes, I couldn't get relief from this continual churning of my bitterness. But whether in pornography or he walked it out in some relationships, etc. He says, those moments I had relief from my bitterness. That's the only way I could find it. It wasn't even alcohol. That's where I found relief. But it was only momentary. Then the bitterness came back in the pain. I said, oh my goodness, I know a Bible verse that says that. I shared that. I go, I never knew what that meant. He goes, I know what it means now. I can tell you for sure what that means. Beloved, all of us, have the worship team come up if you would. All of us are both victims. Catch this, this last thought or two. All of us are victims and we're agents of our own pain and wounding. What do I mean by that? We're victims. People really did bad things and were wounded. But we're also agents. By responding to the mistreatment, by responding wrong to the person who treated me wrong, that's where the wound festers and becomes really, really dangerous. So the guy is entrenched in bitterness. It is true he's a victim. The guy really did it bad to him. But it's also true the very man stuck in his bitterness and his wounding by responding outside of the grace of God. He was actually an agent of his own wounding. And I've found over the years you can treat me wrong emotionally. I'm talking about abusive situations. That's a bigger, more complicated situation. And I'm talking about, you know, in families and sexual abuse. That's a more complicated than what I'm saying right now. But I'm talking about just a relational and criticism. A person could treat you wrong. If you respond right, it can still hurt. But it doesn't wound you in the same way. So I determined, I said, Lord, I don't want to be an agent of my own wounding. Let them say and let them speak. And I'm talking about friends and family and neighbors and here and there. Lord, I want to respond, Matthew 5, verse 44. I want to love my enemy. I want to bless those that curse me. I want to do good to those that hate me. I want to pray for those that spitefully use me. And the Lord says, you'll walk in liberty in your family, your marriage, in your friendship. Even in the midst of difficulty, you'll have liberty. And, beloved, that's the goal of our instruction, to walk in that liberty. Amen and amen. Let's stand before the Lord. I want us to respond for two minutes or so just out there, all of us. All of us. There's not a person in the room we can't relate to this reality like, oh. Like, even me. Like, I just go like, I heard this message three times now, last night and twice today. I'm going, okay, okay. I want to do this better. I want to do this better. Father, here we are before you. Here we are before you, Lord. I set my heart. Now, just in your own heart, just say this. Your own words. My spouse, my family, my siblings. I set my heart. I'm going to operate in the opposite spirit of defensiveness and anger and payback. I set my heart, Lord. Help me. Help me, Lord. Lord, I'm going to pray and bless. And when that storm rises up in my heart, help me. Help me. Help me. Then I can see clear and get healed. Talk to them a few. Just say, Lord, I want to go here. This is where I want to go in my life. This is where I want to go. This is the trajectory I want to be on, right here. And as a spiritual family, this is our portion and inheritance is operating in this spirit. In every sphere of relationship. Holy Spirit, I ask you to manifest your power right now in the room. I ask you for the manifestation of your glory that heals marriages, heals friendships, heals relationships at every level. I ask you for grace and faith for healing even now. I want to invite anybody to come forward that wants prayer for this. Or maybe you're just in pain. You're saying, no, I'm responding best I know. But I'm in pain. Or maybe you need physical healing or you have another family relationship. You just want somebody to pray with you. I want to invite you to come up. We ask you for healing, physical healing, emotional healing, just for grace to touch your heart. Come on up. We'd like prayer. Maybe you're in the pain of a wounded relationship and you want prayer. Come on up. It's not wrong to be hurt. You just don't want the hurt to fester into a wound. Lord, I want to beware. I want to say yes to you. I surrender.