Mike Bickle emphasizes the profound intimacy with God that John the Apostle experienced, highlighting John's threefold identity as the disciple whom Jesus loved, the one who leaned on Jesus' heart, and the one who received the secrets of God. Bickle urges believers to pursue this same intimacy, recognizing that the primary reward is not earthly achievements but the love and presence of God. He contrasts the secondary rewards that often distract believers with the primary reward of knowing and experiencing God's heart. Bickle encourages the congregation to align their mindset with biblical truths to overcome spiritual burnout and disillusionment, just as John did throughout his life.

My desire is that the Lord would release an impartation of the Holy Spirit, the anointing of the Holy Spirit to operate in a new level of intimacy with God. Now, we talk about that so much around here that it can become just language or rhetoric, intimacy with God. But just pausing for a moment and hearing it in a fresh way, there is no greater reality to attain, there's no greater power to experience than the reality of intimacy with the heart of the uncreated God. I mean, imagine the angels would long to be near His heart, but they can't get near His heart. They can get near to His throne in a relative sense, but they can't get near His heart unless He opens the gate, and He only does it to believers. It is the absolute greatest privilege, and it's the most powerful reality. And we can't allow it to be just an important idea or, I mean, a common idea, but it's something that we demand to enter into as a people. Father, I ask You for the anointing of the Holy Spirit to experience Your heart, not to only talk about Your heart, but to feel Your heart, to experience Your heart. And I ask You for that in the name of Jesus. Amen. Tonight, I want to talk about the Apostle John and his threefold spiritual identity. At the end of his life, when he wrote the Gospel of John, he was approximately 90 years old, in his 90s, that he made a statement at the end of the Gospel, which became his signature statement to the Gospel that he wrote, but it gave us insight into the way that he carried his heart. It gave us insight into how he operated in the Holy Spirit and what was important to him in the way that he saw himself. Now, we're going to look mostly at John's journey and not only what he did, but why he did it. And John chapter 21, verse 20, which we'll look at in a few moments, will give us insight into how he carried his heart, how he operated in the Spirit, and why he did what he did. And of course, the reason we want to know that is that we would imitate it. Because if God will do this through a man like John, he'll do it through people like you and I. That's the logic. That's why it's in the Word of God. So that we would understand if God will do this for a human being, he'll do it for us. Now, many in the body of Christ are burnt out, they're disillusioned, and they're struggling with spiritual dullness. That's very common. It's not a special season. Some people, you know, you'll talk to him and say, boy, this is a real intense season where a lot of people are burnt out. Well, I've been in ministry over 30 years and every season was a season where a lot of people were burnt out. I don't ever remember a season where a lot of people were not being burnt out. Because it's the way the common approach to relationship with Jesus is typically non-biblical. It's off base. It's off center from a biblical point of view. And if we can see our lives renewed by lining up with a biblical mindset. And what happens often is that people have biblical aspirations and ideals while living in a non-biblical mindset in the kingdom of God. They have biblical ideas. They want to touch God. They want to be transformed. They want to experience Him. That's a great and important biblical idea. They have biblical ideals, but they live in a non-biblical mindset. And then, of course, there's frustration and disillusionment, all kinds of burnout and spiritual dullness. But the good news is we don't have to stay in that dullness. But the bad news is the dullness won't lift if we maintain the same mindset. We can be renewed in our determination, but without changing our mindset, there won't be a new result weeks and months later. Jesus called John in Mark chapter 3 verse 17. Jesus named John a son of thunder. Well, He named him and his brother, his brother James. He called them sons of thunder. He was naming them in the Holy Spirit. This is a very interesting name in Mark chapter 3 verse 17, because He's describing their natural temperament. He's describing who they are in their natural personality. But He's also, He's doing much more than that. He's prophesying how they're going to operate in the Holy Spirit by being sons of thunder in an entirely different way than they were. He was describing how they would operate in the Holy Spirit and how they would carry their heart before the Lord. Now my prayer is to, I want to be a son of thunder. I want to operate in the anointing that John operated in, and I want to carry my heart in the way that he did. And this is within reach of the people of God. This is within reach of entire congregations. I gave this word of being a son of thunder to an entire congregation in Cairo, Egypt. It's the only time I've ever given it to a people that they would operate as sons of thunder. But I think that in a general sense, God wants us all to operate as sons of thunder. This is within our reach. What I want to leave you with tonight is a determination that you're going to live with this. You're going to say, I'm going to operate in the anointing of a son of thunder. I'm going to see what this means in the Holy Spirit. It's part of my inheritance. Roman number one. Well, the foundation to the truth that John lived in, it was spoken by God himself first to Abraham in the most clear and straightforward way. Now, of course, the question we ask is why Abraham? Well, Abraham was the beginning of the Jewish race, the beginning of the covenant of God with the nation. He was the father of our faith. So, as God separated Abraham from the Ur of the Chaldees from what was modern day Iraq and told him to move to Israel. Of course, there was no Israel as we know it now. It was Canaan that became later known as the promised land. It was called Israel many years later. But he said, move there. And he gave Abraham many promises for the people of God that would unfold in the millennial kingdom. And then even in the eternal age, the fullness of them would unfold. But as God gave Abraham many promises that would be personal promises, but they would also become promises for the people of God as well. That when he gave him these promises, the Lord established a foundational truth that it's easy to lose sight of. It says in Genesis 15, verse one, the word of the Lord came to Abraham in a vision. So, the Lord is standing before Abraham in an open vision. And he says, don't be afraid, Abraham, because Abraham's in a new land. Again, it's not the nation of Israel for many, many years. He's a stranger in a foreign land. And the Lord says, don't be afraid. And he says, I will be, or I am your shield. I am your source of protection. But very significantly, I want to focus on I am. I am your exceeding great reward. And what he's saying to Abraham is that you have many rewards that I have promised you. But understand this from the very beginning and all the people of God that would relate to God as children of Abraham, they were to understand this foundational core truth. That though the Lord has promised us many promises, many rewards, rewards in this age and rewards in the age to come, our rewards cover both ages. We've been studying eternal rewards. And there's a lot to say about the reward God gives us in this age. And there's many categories of those rewards. But I'm going to divide the rewards that God gives us in this age and the age to come into two vast areas of thought, two great categories. And of course you can subdivide it many times. Number one, I'm going to refer to our primary reward and then our secondary rewards. Our primary reward is the Lord himself. Our secondary rewards are not insignificant. They're not insignificant, but they are secondary. The secondary rewards would involve in paragraph B, the secondary rewards would involve favor of God on relationships, favor of God on circumstances. You could break this down into many categories of blessing. The authority of God released on your life to give you the ability to make an impact, whether it's authority in the natural, because God promotes you to a high position in a ministry or in a position of influence or in the government or in a marketplace assignment. God gives positions of authority so that people can make impact and have influence. All those are part of our rewards. Now, the thing that I want to focus on is that often God's people get locked into the secondary reward, rewards, and they lose sight of the primary reward. The primary reward is the Lord himself. The anointing of the Holy Spirit to receive the love of God and the anointing of the Holy Spirit to give ourselves back to God in tender love. That is the greatest reward that the Holy Spirit can give us. The anointing to love, to receive the love of God, to understand it and feel it. And then the anointing to return it, to have the power to give our being back to God wholehearted and to feel the joy of wholeheartedness. And then to operate in the spirit of revelation, to know his heart and to give him our heart. It's just saying the same thing in a different way. The primary reward that God gives his people, he spoke at first to Abraham, I myself am your great reward, Abraham. The anointing to receive from me, the anointing to feel my heart, the anointing to give yourself to me wholehearted. What a blessing to live wholehearted. We were created to be passionate and when we don't live passionate for God, wholehearted, something breaks in our human frame, our human design. We were never made to live before God half-hearted. And yet often people present the grace of God in a way that gives us liberty for carnality and minimizes our vision for wholeheartedness. And somehow they think they're promising us freedom. It's not freedom, it's the way to brokenness and burnout. We don't want to understand the grace of God in a way that gives us liberty to be carnal, to feel good about living half-hearted. We want to operate in the grace of God in a way where we feel the power and the ability to give ourselves to God with all of our hearts. Well, that anointing needs to be sought and needs to be pursued. The Lord offers it to us and says, if you want it, I'll give it to you. I'll give you a greater anointing to walk in love, to feel my love and to return it back to me. And of course, it always overflows to others when we get into that kind of dynamic with the Lord. Now, what happens is that often the covenant people, they get focused on their secondary rewards. I want to say again, our secondary rewards are not unimportant. They are not minimal or irrelevant. No, they're from God. They're totally important. But when our secondary rewards become primary, they become an idol that we bow down to. In the years I've been in ministry, when I tell somebody, what has God promised you? 99% will talk about the secondary rewards. Very few people think of the promise of God related to unveiling His heart to them and giving them the power to walk in wholeheartedness. In other words, most believers think their great reward, the exceeding great reward is more favor in circumstances. You know, more money, more honor, more anointing in ministry, more impact, more doors opening, more favor in relationships. And those are powerful, but I tell you, if those become number one, we are destined for burnout and disillusionment. I've seen it many, many times and so have you, just in the body of Christ. You think, well, what's the problem? I mean, the guy loves God, but he's just perpetually disillusioned at burnout because his primary reward is second and his secondary rewards are primary. He has it out of order. And with that mindset, we can never, ever walk in the joy of the Lord in a consistent way. But the Lord stands before him. He says, Abraham, I, I am your reward, not the land I'm going to give you. And I'm going to give you a lot of land, not the fame I'm going to give you. I'm going to make you famous in the whole earth, not the impact that I'm going to give you. All the families in the earth will trace their blessing to how I touched you and how you touched me, responded back to me, your faith. I mean, beloved, we're talking about a very blessed man, but the Lord stands in front of Abraham and says, do not be distracted or deceived. I am your reward, not these things. I am your exceeding great reward. Now he says another statement here. He says in Genesis 15 verse one, I am your shield. I am your protection. You know, as I think of the enemy mounting up in his assault against the human race and his assault against the body of Christ with immorality and sorcery and occult and, and theft and murder and all the things that are on his heart, people are, you know, they, they feel, you know, apprehensive about the future. You know, they're, they're, they're looking at the future thing. Will my heart stay true? And the Lord would say to you, what he said to Abraham, I will be your shield. I will protect your heart, not just protect your physical body because some will be martyred. He says, I will be your shield. I will protect your heart, but I'm going to add a phrase in here because I know the meaning of it's true. If you will make me your exceeding great reward, I will protect your heart from compromise and spiritual dullness, but I must be your spiritual your, your exceeding great reward. If I am to be the shield around your heart. Paragraph C, the Lord would speak this to Moses, the same truth about 500 years after Abraham paragraph C, the Lord said to Moses that he had separated the tribe of Levi, the priestly tribe. Why? To stand before the Lord to minister to him. Why? What's the Lord doing in this for, for the tribe of Levi? They have no earthly inheritance. They didn't, they couldn't own a land or houses and that kind of thing. And the Lord blesses part of the blessing in the word of God is the ownership of land and property and those kinds of things. But he said, these guys, I don't want them touching that because I myself am their inheritance and their reward. Now, John, the apostle, he said his entire life on the pursuit of God being his inheritance and great reward. He got ahold of this thing that God spoke audibly to Abraham. And then 500 years later, he spoke the same message in essence to Moses. He says, I am the inheritance. I am the reward of my people. Paragraph D. Now there's a great tension in secondary rewards. You have to know it. Of course you do know it anyway. The tension in the secondary rewards, the promise of a greater anointing, greater favor, greater breakthrough, physical healing, the release of money, the honor in the relationship, the door opening, the problem in the secondary rewards is then the delayed time factor. The Lord promises, and then it may be a year or a decade or longer. We're saying, Lord, you said, he says, I know. And it's true. But when we make our primary reward, I mean, our secondary reward, when we make it first, we have nothing to fall back on in the delay, in the waiting period. But if Jesus is my primary reward, when the promise of revival is delayed, my heart can be invigorated each day in the delay. Because if the Lord touching my heart, tenderizing my spirit, releasing revelation, releasing the anointing to love, if that's happening while I'm waiting for the revival, the breakthrough of the anointing in ministry, the breakthrough of favor, the breakthrough of influence. If we're waiting on those things, because God really spoke to him. And when God really speaks to me, he wants you to agree with them. He does not want his people in false humility saying, I don't care about those things. The Lord says, if I set them, you must care about them. I don't speak any idle words. If I said it, the Lord says to you, I'm going to give you a billion dollars. You are required to believe him for the billion dollars and to contend for it and believe for it. Well, I don't really care about money. The Lord says, that's not really the issue. The issue is if I said it, I want you to agree with me. And so don't get into false humility and say, I don't really care about that stuff anyway. The Lord says, no, if I said it, I want you to contend for it. However, I want it to be secondary because in the time delay, if the promise of revival, the promise of power, the promise of breakthrough is primary, you have nothing to fall back on at the heart level. When the time delay happens, I've seen many guys, God promised them breakthroughs coming to your ministry, power, souls healing in five years turns to 10, 10 turns to 20, at the 20 year mark, they're hooked on alcohol, they're filled with bitterness, they're involved in all kinds of compromise. What happened in the time delay, they became embittered because the primary reward was not operating in the relationship with the Lord. They had nothing to fall back on in the time delay. Well, there's another problem in the secondary rewards. There are time delays that we do not know, but there's another problem that's just as serious. There's an ebb and flow. There's an increase and a decrease, then an increase and a decrease. There's an ebb and flow of that blessing. So in this five-year season, everything you say has the power of God on it. The next season, it seems like every word you speak falls to the ground. What happened? God, have you forsaken me? No, there's cycles in the blessing of God because I'm building your heart for an enduring inheritance because the Lord doesn't forget that the secondary rewards are secondary. We forget, but He doesn't. He doesn't want the secondary rewards diminishing and hindering the primary. Though we lose our way, He doesn't. So even when He gives us the release of the secondary, He allows cycles where they ebb and flow, where He releases the increase, and then the next cycle, He draws it back. Jesus spoke of this in John 15. He called it pruning the vine, the cutting back. I remember once talking to a real well-known ministry in America, and they had graphed out on a piece of paper, they showed me the paper, I mean, for years, a couple decades actually, of continual growth, just straight like in three, four areas, economic growth, numerical growth, favor, doors open for 10 or 20 years. I mean, it was just constant increase. And He says, what do you think? I says, wow. I said, it looks a little dangerous to me. He goes, what do you mean? It's the blessing of God. I said, it looks a little dangerous. If you're human like I'm human, this looks a little dangerous to me. Yay, I prophesied. And say yay, but you know, just to throw that in. Yay, I prophesied to you, pruning, cut back. The guy goes, what? I bind that in the name of Jesus. I said, you can bind it. That's okay. But it's in the Bible. And if you're human, like I am, you need it. Year or two later, he came to me. He goes, man, we were severely pruned. He goes, that word of the Lord. I said, wasn't a full on word of the Lord is more just an application of a Bible principle, really, to be honest. I said, there is no such thing as steady increase of natural things. It doesn't exist in the life of somebody who God's zeal and favors towards. He always prunes because when the secondary rewards do nothing but increase just the frailty of the human heart, unless you're a very unusual person. I've never met that person yet. I've never met that person in the natural, nor have I seen that person in the Bible. Never. Paul the apostle had very significant pruning times. They were called prison sentences. No, I'm for real. They were pruning. He was drawn back and his whole life was focused on the Lord in another way than it was in ministry. All the apostles had those seasons. There's no one in history that skips those. But the problem with the secondary rewards being primary, not only the time delay, but when the release comes, the assumption, the American dream, the Western world paradigm is if it's increase in its God, it must be a steady increase. And if there's any diminishing, it must be the devil. That's a Western mindset. That's not a biblical mindset. Now the devil does come to destroy. There's not a question and we need to take authority over him. But I assure you that what's on God's heart is the primary reward before the secondary reward. Now he desires to give them both, but most people do not keep the primary reward primary. And one of the most powerful examples in the Bible is John, who we're looking at here. Paragraph E, the core truth that John laid hold of. This is the core truth of the Lord being our primary reward, our exceeding great reward. And why I'm giving this message is that we would line up with a biblical mindset. We wouldn't just have biblical ideals. We want the breakthrough of God. We, we want the fullness of God. We want the blessing of God, the biblical ideas, the biblical aspirations. Those are good, but they must be matched with a biblical mindset, a heart that's going after, because most believers I know, they have a, a fairly secular, even within the kingdom of God, pursuit of life, which means their primary reward, the Lord is second and the secondary rewards are primary. I call that a secular mindset of sorts, because they want things and they want circumstances more than they want the Lord. It's not secular in the full sense, but from a kingdom point of view, it is not a biblical mindset. And I mean, most of the body of Christ is entrenched in that distraction. John 17, verse 23, here's what Jesus is praying. Father, that the world would know that you have loved them in the way you loved me. What a statement. What, well, this is a statement that is beyond comprehension. Jesus said that the way that you feel about me is how you feel about them. Beloved, the angels would liquidly hear that in holy envy, if there was such a thing around the throne of God, that God would feel about humans, the way God feels about his son, Jesus. This is extreme at the highest level. John got ahold of this. John got ahold of this second to no man in the Bible that God would love us in the way God loves Jesus, the father. Well, John, Jesus said it two ways. He, he spoke about the quality of the love the father would have for us. But then Jesus said, I want to tell you that I feel the same. He says in John 15, nine, and the way that the father loves me, how much does the father love me? The apostles might've said, amazing. How much the father loves you? He goes, I feel the same about you that my father feels about me. Beloved, this is extreme. I want to get ahold of this. It's not about getting a bigger ministry and more money, easier life and more honor. If the Lord says that you must agree with it. Don't get into some false humility, but you don't have to make it first in your life because the Lord says it, because the Lord said this as well. These, these truths. Could you imagine Jesus looked at the 12, John 15, nine, he said, and the way the father feels about me, how does the father feel about me? And the way he feels about me, this is how I feel about you forever. Beloved, I want to get ahold of that. I want to anchor my life in that truth. I want the anointing to see and feel that. I don't want to just say it. I don't want to just pray it. I want to feel it and see it. Beloved, that's your inheritance to walk in the anointing of love like this, the ability to receive the love of God. It's not just that Jesus feels that way about us. Jesus said the way the father feels about me, the father feels the same way about you. We both feel the same about you. God loves us in the way God loves God. God loves us in the way God loves God. Now, beloved, if there was nothing else to pursue, that's enough to keep us focused our entire life to go after that reality right there. Unless you think that you could run into the heart of God at that level and somehow end up off course. Talk to people, say, yeah, but what about practical? Our neighbors, our friends, our families. I go, you think you're going to run into God and forget your neighborhood? I don't think so. I don't think you have to worry about running into God and forgetting people. For God's soul of the world, he sent his son. If we run into him, we will be inflamed with holy and godly desire to minister to people. I've never been worried about somebody running into God. I've been worried about people retreating into religious isolation, but not in pursuit of the Holy Spirit and just kind of, you know, a couple year vacation. I appreciate that concern. If it's a, if it's an isolation as in itself, but if it's a drawing back to go deep, to enter his connect with his heart, I can assure you, you will come out of that more in love with people than you ever were going into that time, that season of consecration. Now look in paragraph F, what the Lord says after he makes this statement to them, Jesus says, I feel about you the way the father feels about me. He said this very night there, Matthew 26 verse 31. This was an hour or two later. He said this very night, you will all betray me. My point being this, when Jesus said, I feel this way about you, Jesus was not operating in idealism. He wasn't looking at these guys going, you guys are so different. No, he said, so that you know that I mean what I say, I'm going to tell you how much I know about before the evening's over. You will all deny me, but that doesn't change the way I feel about you. Beloved, this is a statement Jesus made to weak and broken young apostles. They were all about 20 years old, 21, 22, 18, 19 is what history says. They were the 12 young men, about 20 years old, plus or minus a year or two. He looks at them. He goes, you're, you've got all kinds of issues in your life to get settled, but I know you love me and I love you. You get ahold of this. It will set your feet on a rock. Young men, young women, older as well, get ahold of this, this truth right here. The fact that God loves me, feels about me the way that God feels about God, the way the fact that the father feels about me, the way he feels about Jesus. Beloved, it gives me the right and the confidence to stand before God as God's favorite for real. God has the capacity in his eternal attributes to have a whole bunch of favorites all at one time without diminishing his intensity for any one of them because he's infinite and he's eternal. He's infinite in the measure of the love he has and he's eternal in its duration. He never ever runs out of intense love ever. So because of that, he says, Mike, I feel about you like I feel about Jesus. That gives me the confidence and the right to stand before God in confidence as God's favorite. That's, I say that and people, they all kind of get a kick out of that and make t-shirts and bumper stickers and wave little flags and I go, that's all cool. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about a bumper sticker or slogan. I'm talking about a reality that the angels shudder before such a truth that God feels about me the way God feels about God. What else do I want? No, what else is there? If that be true, what else is there? Well, if you really are faithful, your church will grow from a hundred to a thousand. And if you're really faithful, go from a thousand to 10,000. Wow. That must be it. Many a man, many a woman have sold their birthright for a little increase. Well, if you've got a business that makes a million, you stay with it. God will give you 10. You hang in there. He'll give you a hundred million. Is that it? A hundred million? Then what? Wow. A hundred million. Just like what you do with that. Won't touch your heart at all. Won't help your heart one bit. I'm all for God giving me a billion dollars. He told me that once. I want the billion dollars. I want it because he wants me to have it. So I'm going for it, but I have no use for it personally. What I'm after is this truth. I want to get into this river and get lost in it. And the Holy Spirit says, if you will, I will. If you'll go for it, I'll help you. If you're serious, I'll help you. My point being, I appreciate the secondary rewards, but they are really secondary when we see this even a little bit. He says this, the men that are all going to just fall away from the Lord, I mean, stumble that night. They're going to show their weakness that night. My point is this thing is within the reach of people like you and me. This isn't given to super saints. Now we're going to look at John's journey. Just a moment here. John's story is amazing. Roman numeral two. We're going to look at John 21 verse 20, which is the threefold spiritual identity of John. I want you to see this, the implications of this. Now again, John is being called, the Lord has named him the son of thunder, Mark 3 17. And it's, he tells him that when he's about 20 years old. Now he's about 90 years old. It's 70 years later. I mean, nobody knows the exact time, but approximately John is, he's, uh, most, uh, scholars will say the gospel of John was written last of, of his, uh, five books, three epistles, first, second, third, John, the book of revelation and the gospel of John of the five books of the Bible. So what John is, he's ending his writings, the gospel, at least if not all five writings with his signature. He's, he's describing the way he sees himself, the way that he knows God sees him and the way that he wants to be known in history. Now, if any guy in church history has had a resume to write, it would surely be John. I don't know who has a more powerful resume than John. You can argue Paul. And I don't think we have to figure out which is the most intense. Let's consider it. What John accomplished. Number one, John was very close friends. This is a given, but, uh, well, he's close friends with the apostle Peter. I mean, if somebody claims they know the most powerful authority figure in the body of Christ and the earth, they take pictures of that person and put them on their wall. You know, different guys. I know if they met so-and-so surely the pictures on the wall, really a big point. Well, Peter was his best friend. He didn't just have a picture with Peter. He knew Paul very well. That's pretty company. Mary, the mother of Jesus, Jesus on the cross gives the care of Mary to young John and all of John's days. He took care of Mary. So he knew Peter, Paul, and Mary. He knew all of them. You're going to have to tell the 40 and under crowd what you're laughing about. Okay. I mean, can you imagine knowing the mother of Jesus living in your home? The mother of Mary? I mean, Mary, I didn't see Mary. She lived with me for years, Paul, Peter. Well, he could have said those best friend of the most famous people. That's how a lot of people posture themselves. When you meet them, the first thing they want to tell you, the first three minutes, they want to tell you who they know. Give himself credibility. I understand it. Second thing. It's not just two. We know it's what he did. The greatest revivals in the book of acts. They were at the hands of, of, of John, the great Jerusalem revival. John and Peter were at the forefront of it and the others. How about the Samaritan revival in acts eight? Peter and John went down and released the Holy Spirit. How about acts the great revival and acts 19 and 20, the Ephesian revival. Paul was there for three years where all of Asia heard the word of God. But John went and lived there for a couple of decades after Paul left the great mighty church of Ephesus. John was the bishop of it. First it was Paul for three years, then Timothy for a number of years. And then John came with Jesus's mother, Mary, and they live there. So John has on his resume, the Jerusalem revival, many revivals, the bishop of the great Ephesian church that surpassed all the church far surpassed the Jerusalem church, the church of Antioch in the first century. He's the leader of it. I mean, he couldn't get a bigger appointment in terms of influence over people. He doesn't even mention that in the book of revelation, the Lord tells him your name was going to be written on one of the foundation stones. If your name was going to be written on a foundation stone, could you imagine a preacher in the modern world whose name was written in heaven and them not doing something with that on a newsletter? No, I'm telling you, I mean, just the slightest, the slightest indication of favor is just magnified and exaggerated times 10 and plastered everywhere. It's common. It's the mindset of man to do that. Double the truth and plastered everywhere. John's name is on the pillar foundation stone in heaven, new Jerusalem, John. Tense. John wrote five books of the four, five books of the Bible, author of the word of God, friend of Mary, Peter, Paul, pillar, new Jerusalem, revivalist, par excellence, none surpassed me. That's who I am, 90 years old, faithful to God, the only one not martyred of the 12. I mean, of that early band, there's many apostles in the early days. And history says we don't have a firm record, but they were all martyred. He doesn't look at how John writes his signature. You see, there's no statement about any of his accomplishments or who he knows or where he's going. He says, here I am, John chapter 21 verse 20. He says, Peter saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following who also leaned on Jesus's breasts in the supper and said, Lord, who is the one who betrays you? Peter. I mean, John could have said Peter saw me following him five times in the gospel of John. When John writes about himself, he never says I or John. He says the one whom God loves. I mean, all the other guys were with the Lord, but could you imagine having this kind of confidence? I mean, after all that he accomplished, he's 90 years in his nineties, he's going to die soon. How do you want to be known? I'm known for the thing that makes me great. I am the one God loves beloved. You're the one God loves. That's why you're great. He loves you. He wants you. You are crowned with greatness at a measure and a level that's way out of the reach of our understanding the fullness of it. Now, any of them could have defined themselves that way. John wrote it. You know, he said, Hey, Jesus said he loves me as much as the father loves him. I'm in Jesus feels that way about me. Hey, I'm in. That's who I am from now on. That's who I am. That's what I do. I'm the one God likes when I meet the other guys in the new Jerusalem. I don't really know if I'll get to do this, but I really might be able to. I am so curious why the other accounts of the gospel did not record that statement. God loves you as much as God loves God. I mean, Matthew, Mark and Luke, no trace of it. I'm sure the Holy spirit was involved in all that, but I've got to look those guys at Matthew. Matthew, look me up. Why didn't you mention that Jesus loved me as much as the father loved him? I don't know what his answer is going to be. I'm sure it'd be a good answer, but I tell you this, John, he said is for me, it's getting in my record. It was personal to him. I'm not saying it didn't affect the others. It shows up not only recorded in the gospel of John five times. John talks about himself. He's the one that God loves. It was personal to John, not just in his book. Beloved, this is the anointing. He's our exceeding great reward. The anointing of the spirit to feel and to understand, to understand and to feel the love of God. I want to go after this. I want to be focused on this. I want to turn away distractions. I want to make time to go deep on this truth. Beloved, even ministry itself and the blessing of God in your circumstances can keep you so busy you never ever get a hold of the foundational truth of why of who you are as a person. This is what makes you great. If you know this, then a whole lot of people cannot show up at your event in any kind of way. There's many different applications of that, and they can all be against you. But if you're the one God loves, guess what? You have a maid. They can all ignore you. They can overlook you. They can even be against you. But if you've got this ringing in your spirit, the whole room can disappear. You know, I think of our worship leaders. You know, some of the worship leaders have sets with more people attentive than other people. I tell you, if God's in the room, it doesn't matter who's in the chair. If God's in the room, you may be in that prayer meeting. We had a lot of prayer meetings in the early days with two people. It doesn't matter who's in the chair. If God's in the room, doesn't matter. That's how David was trained. Nobody showed up at David's prayer meetings out there in the wilderness, 16 years old, just sheep. He was singing. No one showed up at Bethlehem house of prayer. Nobody, nobody showed up. Sheep showed up and lions and bears showed up at night and he, it's cute, but it's real. No one showed up to his sets and he sang before God because he had the vision of the audience of one because he knew who loved him. It isn't just that God is great. It's more than that. I mean, what could be more than God is great. The great God greatly loved him. David got ahold of that. He goes, God, you're great, but you love me with such fierceness. I don't need anything else. I don't have to be king of Israel. I'm already great. That was the secret of David's life. He didn't care if he was king because he already connected with the king's heart. You don't have to be king over men. If you connect with the king's heart and you know that he loves you, I don't mean just that his eyes are on you. He loves you. And his eyes are on you. He feels towards you. John says, yeah, I know that. I know the famous guys. I know I led the great revivals. I know I wrote the word of God. I know my name's at a pillar in heaven on one of the foundation stones. That's great. I love that. But I'm the one that God loves. That's what makes me great. That's what gives definition to my life. That's what gives meaning to my existence. I'm the one God loves. Beloved, you get ahold of that. The revival can be delayed 10, 20, 30 more years, and you will have energy in your heart with God day by day by day by day, waiting for the secondary promises to be released. The people can all ignore you, but the king is not ignoring you. They can all look the other way and have no favor with man, and everybody mistreats you. But if God's not mistreated, he likes you. You win. You win for real. This isn't Christian rhetoric. This is not IHOP rhetoric. This is real, real. If IHOP goes away, I win because the king's heart is on me. You know, I tell the story, I've told it many times, but the Lord speaks audibly in 1983 and says, do 24-hour prayer. We put a sign on the wall for 16 years, 24-hour prayer. 16 years, people see it and go, hey, what's that sign? 24-hour prayer, what's that mean? I don't really know, 24-hour prayer. I don't even know what it means. I don't know what it looks like. So nine years ago, we start. Things are, the Lord's blessings on it. Things are happening. People have, because we waited 16 years for that sign on the wall, people, within the whole 16 years, but most of it, people will come to me and say, oh man, this must be your dream come true. And I said, what do you mean? Of course, I know what they mean, but I'm kind of using the opportunity to kind of convict them a little bit. And I go, well, what do you mean? They go, oh man, your dream. I hop. I go, I hope it's not my dream. I hope it's my assignment. I go, I appreciate God helping me with my assignment because if God gives you assignment, you got to do it even if he didn't help you a whole lot. I mean, your assignment is your assignment. They go, what do you mean it's not your dream? I go, what happened? My dream happens in my heart with God. I said, it has nothing to do with how many people come to a building. That's my dream. That's way bigger than I hop. It's what happens in my heart with God's heart. That's the dream of my heart. And everybody can come to I hop. We can have millions or I hop can go away tomorrow. My dream is never touched when I hop gets real big or I hop gets real little. My dream is never touched ever. I said, I won't give my dream to anyone else. It's in his hands. It's him. He is my dream. So why can, I don't want to be, you know, make myself some big example, but it can get big. It can get little. It can get hard. It can get easy and get hard again. That's not the issue. That's an assignment. Your dream can stay steady even when the secondary rewards are delayed or when they come, but they ebb and flow. The favors there, Julie Meyer calls it the fairest will of favor. This year or two, you're on top next year or two, you're not on top. The year or two later, you might be on top. It's the fairest way. You never know where the favor will be in the eyes of man in any given three to five year cycle. You just don't know. You don't have to know. The second thing, the Lord that John says, not only am I the disciple, I'm staying here on the same passage. He says, not only am I the disciple whom the Lord loves, secondly, I'm the one who leans on his heart, on his breast. Put the word heart in there. I'm leaning on his heart. Not only, he knew he was great because the king loved him, but now he knows the purpose for his life to lean on his heart. He knew the way forward to lean on his heart. He goes, I know the way to my greatness to lean on his heart. Now, Mary Bethany was described in this way in Luke chapter 10 verse 39. It says she sat at the Lord's feet. It's said of David in Psalm 27 for this one thing, I gaze upon the Lord. The point being I lean on his heart. I postured myself to receive from his heart. Mary called it sitting at the feet of Jesus to hear his word. It's posturing yourself to hear from his heart. John says, that's what I do. But aren't you the great revivalist who knows all the famous peoples whose names on the foundation stones of heaven? He goes, yes, but that's not who I am. Who I am is a man who waits my whole life eagerly attentive to receive from God's heart. That's who I am. Beloved, this is a fiery fisherman. He was a son of thunder in the natural. In the natural, he had a very masculine personality in the natural. He was called a son of thunder in a negative way, not just the positive way. He was not at all ashamed to declare the way he lived and why he lived. He goes, I live to hear his heart. He's the New Testament version of David. He took it beyond, he went beyond where David went though. This passage, John 21 20 is interpreting what it means to be a son of thunder. 70 years after Jesus called him a son of thunder, John is now interpreting it in these three phrases. Beloved, do you lean on his heart? He goes, I don't just want Bible facts. I want his heartbeat. And I tell you, his heartbeat comes from the word, sitting at his feet, the word, the word, talking to him, the word, talking to him. Well, I'm too busy to do that. I'm too, that's not my thing. Well, John says, it's my thing. That's who I am. That's the way forward for me. This gives, defines the purpose of my life. Then he goes on and he says one more thing. He says, I'm the one who said, Lord, who is the one who betrays you? He was the one that Jesus gave his secrets to. Now, beloved, this is not a small thing going on here. It's at the last supper, John 13, you know the story. Now, none of the 12 knew that Judas was betraying Jesus. None of them knew this, of the apostles. It was a scandal. Now, we all know Judas did it, and it's, it's not a big point to us, but we've, we've missed the drama and the significance of what John is saying. Because Jesus is in a personal crisis, a crisis of unparalleled magnitude. And one of his deep friends, closest friends, is going to betray him. And it's going to disrupt the inner circle. It's a scandal of the highest level that we can imagine of betrayal. Nobody, Judas is so opposite of that in his demeanor. Nobody could guess it was him. And when Judas kissed him in betrayal, Jesus said, not by flattery, not by exaggeration, but by truth. He says, friend, you betrayed me with a kiss. You're my friend. It's real. You've, Psalm 55 tells the story, a familiar acquaintance struck me. One that I had sweet fellowship in the house of God struck me. Psalm 55 gives the story, it wounded him. But anyway, nobody knows. Jesus is hurting over this fact. There's only one guy, Jesus tells. He gives his secrets to one man. It's a time when he's hurting. It's the burden of his heart, he tells John. When you read the story in John 13, Peter, Peter knew about this, about John and Jesus. Because Jesus says, someone's going to betray me, they're all silent. It says in John 13, Peter whispers to John, John, you ask him, you know, he'll give you, you ask him. I mean, you know, you can think of the kids, you know, hey, you go ask dad, if we can have the ice cream, you know, you ask, you can see it in a family context, the dynamics. When Peter does it, he goes, man, this is intense. Jesus is really intense. I'm not going to say a word. I mean, we're talking about vocal Peter. He goes, uh-uh, this shut Peter's mouth. It did. The draw, I'm telling you, it did. It was very dramatic. Peter couldn't say it. We're talking all through the gospels. Peter spoke out all the time, whispered to John, John, you get it. Well, not only did John get the secrets of the burden of his heart, John said, that's who I am. I'm a guy who knows the burden of God. He goes, yeah, I know Peter. I know Paul and I know Mary. I know where my name is at. I know my place in history, but I know the secrets of his heart. That's who I am. I'm the guy who goes after God's secrets. I have his secrets. That's who I am. I'm not going to tell you what I accomplished in the arena of man. I'm going to tell you how I live in my heart before God. That's how he signs off his life here. Let's just look at this next thing real fast. Page two. This is just want to give you the verses here. It's real simple. I'm describing the three incidences where John was the thunderous man in the natural. You know, these three actually, let's just real quick, these three stories, and then we'll pray for you. But because I want to, I want you to see the transformation is the point. I want to see, I want you to see the fiery personality in this young man. He had to overcome this by the Holy Spirit to get, become a thunderous man in the spirit. He was first a thunderous man in the natural. There's three great rebukes that John received. One after the other, one, two, three, all of the same couple of weeks is one after the other. That's just a snapshot into John's relationship with Jesus and the way that John lived. Because we think of Peter as the vocal one, but John was at a whole nother problem. Peter was vocal. John had a wrong spirit in those early days. It says in paragraph C, Mark 9, that when they were going to Capernaum, they were having a dispute on the way to Capernaum. And they wanted to, and the dispute we find out later is who's the greatest. And Jesus says to them, verse 33, hey, what was it you guys were talking about on the road? Everybody was quiet. All 12, not one would speak up. Come on, you guys, I saw you back there talking. You were really animated. You were energized. What were you talking about? Nobody will talk. Jesus already knew. It says later he perceived, he knew by the Holy Spirit. He goes, I know what you're doing. And it was John that was doing it. Now notice this is Capernaum, Mark 9. The next passage, the next passage is Mark 10. They're on their way to Jerusalem. It's the same journey. It's a week later, a week or 10 days later. It's the same journey and the same conversation comes up again. I want you to see it's two different passages in Mark, two different cities, same issue. Now they're on the road to Jerusalem. He took the 12 aside. He was telling them the things that were going to happen. He goes, I'm going to go to Jerusalem. They're going to condemn me to death. They're going to betray me and kill me. Verse 34, I'll rise again. Verse 35, now you would think here their dearest friend, this man they so love, they're going to kill me. What? They're going to kill me. That is so traumatic. Then I'm going to raise from the dead. What? I'm going to raise from the dead. Two statements so huge, the brain can't conceive them. In verse 35, John says, hey, can we be the main guys in your kingdom? Jesus says, well, let me tell you what I just said again. They're going to kill me. Yeah, I heard that's heavy. Hey, can I be the main guy in your kingdom? Well, if me dying doesn't move you, I'm going to raise from the dead. Yeah, that's awesome. Can I be the main guy in your kingdom? This is, I look at this, I say, by the grace of God, even I wouldn't have done that. Lord. I mean, we're talking about the height of preoccupation. This issue back at Capernaum that he got rebuked for, it's on his mind. So when the opportunity comes, Jesus tells the crisis ahead of him. John says, hey, can I be now? Look what he's asking. Can I beat the right hand? He's not, he's saying, you know, I realize he could have said this. Let me add to the conversation. I realize I'm one of the top 12 guys in history. I'm with you. I don't want to be one of the top 12 of all human history. I want to be the main guy over everyone forever. That's what that request was. Beloved, that's what that request was. I want to be at the throne at the right hand forever over everyone. Jesus looks at him and he says, you don't know what you're asking on several levels. You don't know what that would mean for your life in the age to come. You don't know that what that would require of you in this age. If it was true, you don't know the implications of what you just said about your own spirit. There's many reasons he did not know what he was asking. Well, it's a few, it's a days later. Now it's not James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Matthew 20. It's the mother of Zebedee. Mom comes first to Capernaum. John says it. Then on the way to Jerusalem, when Jesus is unveiling the crisis of his heart, that's when John picks the moment to ask if he could be over everyone. Jesus says, you don't know what you ask. And then John says, well, maybe my mother can get this thing nailed for me. The mother of Zebedee, sweet little Jewish mom comes up kneeling down. I mean, she does it right. Can I have something from you? Jesus said, oh, I love you. Verse 21. He said, what do you want? I want my boys, my boys, right and left hand. I could just picture Peter going, what is the deal? John is serious about this request. Well, John 13, mother goes away. The crisis of the last supper. John's at his right hand. He's right there next to him. I can see when they lined up. Peter goes, what are you doing? John gets there first, right next to Jesus. But there's only one right hand, John. Why, why did you do that? Why he sent somebody in ahead of time and got my place saved? You know, I want to be by him. I mean, there's a, it's deer, but there's another issue going on here. Oh, here's the verse where it says, look at in John 13, Peter motioned, it said, hey, ask him who it is, you know, because now that you're there, go ahead and ask the question for us. But the point I'm looking at is I could, I can just see John going, I'm going to be at his right hand every, I'm not letting this thing go. Paragraph D. Well, the three times he's rebuked. We just read the first one. Just gave you a little detail on that. That's a right there in Luke. Luke nine puts them all one, two, three in a row. That's verse 46 to 48. Look at verse 49. The next event after the rebuke, they're still on the road. He gets rebuked. No, you can't be the main guy over everyone. Okay. Few hours go by maybe a day or two. Verse 49, John answers master. This is John. Actually, John answers right here at the moment when Jesus says, no, you can't be the head guy. He goes, okay, that's okay. He goes, Hey master, we saw somebody casting demons out. We stopped him. He doesn't follow our leadership. He's not under us. And Jesus said, you stopped him. Yeah. So there's a demon destroying a young person. Yeah. And a guy gets the demon out. So the person loves God. Yeah. You stop the guy. So the demon would stay in the kid. Yes. And why? Well, the guy's not under us. So let the kid have the demon. Well, I mean, he's not under us. So why, why waste the power of God and have people get set free if they're not going to be under us. Beloved, this is a problem. He stopped him because they were not under him. Now I know I'm messing with John's stellar reputation. I mean, he recovers before the end of his life. John had a bad spirit. I mean, he was a good guy, but he had unsettled issues. He was a son of thunder. I tell you, there's hope for guys like us. Verse 52, verse 51, final part. And we'll just pray for you after that came to pass. Now they're, now they're going to Jerusalem and they're sending out messengers two by two to the cities. And as they went, they entered different, the village of the Samaritans to prepare different groups of two. It makes it clear in other places, but when the Samaritans wouldn't receive their testimony. So John's there in Samara in the, one of the talent, the villages of the Samaritans, the disciples, John and James saw this refusal. They didn't receive the testimony of Jesus. So John says, why don't we just burn the city? Jesus burned the city. Yeah. Let's just call fire to get rid of them. Now there's several things going on here. Number one, the Samaritans were not Jews. There were some issues going on. This, there's a racial tension going on here. They were the Gentile dogs. He goes, let's just nuke the city for real. He wanted to burn it. The next thing that's behind this, a few verses earlier in verse 33 here in the same chapter, John had just been on the Mount of Transfiguration and he just saw Elijah. So he's, I think he's doing a little, everybody's there and he wants to do the Elijah thing. He just saw Elijah and all the guys are there to say, what was it like up on that mountain? Well, me and Elijah, Moses, we talked, it was really cool. What'd you talk about? Well, I can't really tell you. It's really personal stuff. It's Lord. Nah, I don't feel free to share with what Elijah told me. Kind of. What did he say? Nah, nah, I just wouldn't feel released. But, but I could call fire down from heaven. Now he's already in that Elijah thing already. It's a day or two later. He's in the Elijah thing happening right now. So there's a racial issue unsettled. There's an Elijah thing going on and he wants to burn a city down. And Jesus finally says, after three rebukes, he says in verse 55, you don't know what kind of spirit you have. You have a wrong spirit, John. I love you. I mean, you're my guy, but we're going to have to see some changes for real. We're going to have to see some changes in your life. Now, little did John know that in Acts chapter eight years later, Jesus from the right hand of father as the head of the church was going to send John, he was going to go to the very villages and he was going to call down the fire of the Holy spirit on the Samaritans in Acts chapter eight. The Lord says, I mean, Jesus knew this, John, you're going to send fire down on the Samaritans, just not the way you want to. It's a whole different kind of fire, but it's 70 years later. And John's spirit is so different as he sends his signature. I mean, writes his signature for all that he did in his nineties. He said, I'm the one that God loves. I'm the one that postures my heart, my life to hear from his heart. I don't care what they say about me. They can criticize me. They can say that I'm soft or I'm weak. My whole life is about hearing from his heart. That's all I care about. And I'm the one that hears his secrets and beloved tell you about secrets before John died. He's in his nineties. He received the huge secret. It's called the book of revelation. God gave his secrets to John. Beloved. This is how I want to live. This is how you want to live. I don't want to live to try to just to meet more famous people or have a bigger resume of how many ministries I can build or you can build or, or, or, or what our future is going to be like in the age to come. John could have talked about that. I mean, Jesus told John, you're going to be on the throne in Jerusalem. And the angel showed Johnny, his name would be on one of the foundations of the city. So you have a throne in the nation and his name on a foundation in the city. He knew both of them wrote the word of God. John says, that's not who I am. I'm a son of thunder, but I know what that means. Now I know how to live in the anointing in these three ways. Amen.