01.04. Is Dowry Anti-Biblical?
Is Dowry Anti-Biblical?
It is our tendency not to look for reasons for things we love to do, but when we are forbidden to do something we love to do, we ask for reasons. “Where in the Bible is it specifically written that we should not take dowry?”, some Christians ask ignorantly, or to justify their love of dowry.
It is interesting to notice that, in the Biblical times, it was cultural for the bridegroom to offer gifts to the bride and to her family, though it is not a command of God to do so! Abraham sent gifts to Rebekah and to her family as a token of acceptance for his son Isaac (Genesis 24:53). Jacob served his father-in-law for seven years to get Rachel (Genesis 29:18-20). Shechem said to Jacob and his sons, “Make the price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I’ll pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the girl as my wife” (Genesis 34:12).
Sometimes, a bride received voluntary gifts from her father, who could afford to do so, in the shape of land (Judges 1:15), or of cities (1 Kings 9:16). But the usual custom was that men gave dowry to women (Exodus 22:17).
Don’t you think the bride was highly valued in the Holy Bible? Speaking about dowry in the Old Testament, a friend of mine says, “Daughters were a great asset to their parents, not a liability.” So, what exactly should the Biblical tradition be, if at all?
Since cultures vary from society to society, there is nothing wrong in giving and taking gifts during marriage, provided it is done voluntarily. Since children have the right to their parent’s property, it is fine to give children their share as they begin to have a new family. But the Holy Bible sternly condemns the current dowry system in India wherein the bride’s parents are compelled, even beyond their ability, to pay the bridegroom to marry their daughter, thrusting the women of our society in jeopardy. The following are some of the reasons regarding how the lust for dowry violates God’s word. i) Dowry violates God’s glorious purpose for marriage. Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). Biblically, God is the author of marriage. He is the center of the union between man and woman, not money. Unfortunately, because of dowry, money and material things have become primary factors in uniting man and woman instead of God’s purpose and will. How dowry corrupts the sacred institution of marriage!
How many marriage proposals have been rejected only because of unmet dowry expectations! To such corrupted people, God’s will for their son is the bride who gives more dowry. Before printing Holy Matrimony on the marriage cards, dowry is the unholy practice behind the screen. Are these marriages Christ-centered? Do you suppose the abundant blessings of the Lord rest upon them? ii) “The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil,” is a truth revealed in the Holy Scriptures (1 Timothy 6:10). Jesus taught us to be generous givers out of love and not greedy seekers for money (Matthew 6:3; Matthew 6:19-24; Luke 10:25-37). When money or possessions is put as a condition to marry someone, what does it prove? Seeking dowry evidently proves lust for money and possessions. Bro. Zac Poonen, addressed this well:
Dowry is another evil that is found among many believers. No true disciple of Jesus will ever ask for dowry from a girl or from her parents as a condition for marrying the girl. There is nothing wrong in the girl’s father giving her a gift after she is married. But there is everything wrong in making money a factor in deciding about a marriage! The present- day dowry system in India is satanic. Yet we find Christians in almost all denominations (evangelical and liberal) receiving it. The French infidel Voltaire, after observing Christians in Europe for many years in the 18th century said that, “In whatever doctrines the many Christian denominations differed, they all had the same doctrine as far as money was concerned – they all loved it.” When it comes to dowry too, they all have the same doctrine – they love it. iii) The Holy Bible says just as Christ loved the church unconditionally (which is symbolically His bride) and gave Himself up for her, the husbands must likewise love their wives (Ephesians 5:25). Marriage is a holy institution of God where holy vows of love, faithfulness and commitment are exchanged unconditionally. ‘Love’ in marriage is a selfless act of giving for the partner’s welfare. When it comes to marriage, the bridegroom who is about to become a husband ought to be in a giving position, even offering his own life for his girl, not in a taking position, trying to possess things that his girl has. The requirement of dowry violates unconditional love in marriage and instead becomes a business transaction. Is marriage a love relationship or a commodity which a bride has to buy? A man who marries a girl out of love for money—is he fit for marriage or for business? If a man says “I can’t love you unless you give me money,” is he truly loving or greedy? iv) The Holy Bible exhorts Christians to shine as the light of the world and to set a good example to others (Matthew 5:14-16). Does the practice of dowry by Christians exemplify good deeds? An unbeliever who came to know of a Christian family demanding dowry asked me, “Being Christians, how do you people still demand dowry?” What a disgrace and humiliation to defend “Christianity” here! (Interestingly, this unbeliever committed to not seek dowry when his two sons get married. Shame on us greedy Christians!) Christianity has a great reputation of being morally and socially ethical, so let us not desecrate it. v) One of the Ten Commandments is this—”Do not covet your neighbor’s property” (Exodus 20:17). Nowhere is this sin of covetousness clearly manifested as in marriages where bridegroom’s family blatantly covets bride’s property. How unashamedly Christians ask for dowry in marriages, which is nothing but a sin of covetousness! vi) Dowry violates the will of God to not oppress anyone (Ezekiel 18:7). It is painful to know how many brides’ families are oppressed under the yoke of dowry. How pathetic it is for bridegroom’s family to seek material prosperity by bringing adversity upon bride’s family! In the Biblical times, God’s people were oppressed through bribe and injustice by their own people, but these days people are oppressed through dowry by professed God’s people. Make no mistake: demanding dowry is a sin of oppression in the sight of the Almighty God whom you worship! vii) Dowry violates the command of God to submit to the secular authorities (Romans 13:1; 1 Peter 3:22). According to the Indian law, “the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961,is as serious as bribery. Yet, this has become a common rebellion by people - including Christians - against law.