Just One Chance

In a reading from the book of Genesis, it says in chapter 1 verse 12, And the earth brought forth grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit whose seed was in itself after his kind. And God saw that it was good. And then also in chapter 1 verse 24 it says, And God said, Let the earth bring forth a living creature after his kind, cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth after his kind.

And it was so. And then in chapter 2 verse 9 we find, And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food, the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And also in chapter 2 verse 19 it says, And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air.

And then we find in chapter 2 verse 7, it's God's crown jewel of all of his creation. It says, The Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life.

Now I trust that we all see the pattern there. I was trying to emphasize the word. You know, it was the earth.

It was the earth. It was the dirt. It was the dust of the ground that God used to bring forth almost all of his creation.

You know, whether it was a tender plant, the mighty tree, the ant, the elephant, the eagle in the sky, you know, all creation, including man, came from the dirt. In fact, the name Adam, it comes from the Hebrew word Adama, which means earth. You know, reading from Genesis chapter 2 starting in verse 18, it says, Let me turn there.

Genesis. You can turn there. Genesis 18 chapter 2 verse 18.

Genesis 2 starting in verse 18. And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him and help meet for him.

Okay. Now everybody got their bandwagon. Okay.

And my bandwagon that I like to jump on is this this term help me. Okay. Where did that word come from? Help me.

Is help me even a word? You know what? What the scripture is telling us here is God created this helper suitable for Adam. And when we use the term, she's a help me. It kind of reminds me of where it says, He that desireth a wife desireth a good thing.

You know, help me. It's kind of like a thing. I'm not sure if that offends you or not, ladies.

I don't know. But I don't like the term help me. You know, it's a helper suitable.

I had to think it's kind of like it was in Matthew chapter 3 verse 8. When John the Baptist, he was baptizing on the River Jordan there. And the people were coming to him and he was baptizing. And then the Sadducees and the Pharisees came to him.

And John the Baptist, he called him. He said, you vipers. He said, bring forth fruit, meat for repentance.

And that makes sense. We can understand that. He didn't tell these Pharisees and Sadducees, you need to bring forth fruit meat.

Right. When a young person gets converted and baptized, we don't tell them from here on out. You need to bring forth fruit meat.

It sounds silly. I think it's just as silly as that term help me. That's just my bandwagon.

I'm done. Genesis chapter 2 verse 19. And out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air.

And he brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them. And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all the cattle, to all the fowl of the air and every beast of the field.

But for Adam, there was not found in help meat for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. And he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof.

And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of the man.

Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed. You know, from the beginning of creation in Genesis 1.1, you know, right up to the verses just before the woman was created here.

We see this strong pattern developed. You know, I didn't read from chapter one, but chapter one, chapter one, one, it gives a starting of verse one. It gives us full summary of all of the creation.

But in chapter two, chapter two gives us a little bit more of a detailed account of what's going on. And what I want you to notice here is that connection to the ground. You know, the plants, the trees, the animals, the birds, man, you know, all have this strong connection to the ground.

You know, it's interesting. Scientists are a little up in the air about how many essential elements the human body needs to survive. But the average I found was around 19.

19 essential elements that the human body needs to live healthy and survive. And what's interesting, all 19 of those elements are found in the soil. You know, we see most of all of God's creation originating from the soil, you know, except for the woman.

You know, the woman originated from the man, you know, and that's a big deal. You know, at least for Adam, it was, you know, Genesis 2, 23. I read there, you know, it's actually a song of praise.

It's a song. It's a poem where Adam cries out. He says, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

You know, she wasn't dirt. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of the man. You know, Adam, he was now capable.

He was fully capable now of fulfilling that mandate that God had planned for him. He said, be fruitful and multiply. And now he had that perfect helper, that perfect helper meet for him.

He had a helper that was right like him. Sort of. You know, genetically, men and women, our DNA is about 98.5% identical and about 1.5% different.

Now, you would almost think that it should be opposite there, that we're like 1.5% the same and 95.5%, 98.5% different. You know, but that's what they say. You know, generally speaking, I looked up some statistics, and this is just generally speaking, the differences between men and women.

Now, men have 25% thicker skin than women. Women have larger memory center in their brain. They can remember their brother better.

And if you're married here, if you're a man and you're married, you know that's true. Women have more taste buds than men. Women have 11% more neurons in the hearing center of the brain.

But actually, men can locate sound better in a three-dimensional area. It's like, what's that noise? Men are capable of finding, locating where sound comes from better. Now, if there's hearing loss, men tend to lose high pitch, and women lose low pitch in general.

Males are three to ten times more likely to stutter. Males are born with more birth defects. Women can distinguish color better than men, especially in what they call the cooler end of the spectrum, like the blues, in that color.

Women can distinguish color better. Women have better peripheral vision. I know you children might think they have eyes in the back of the head, but no, it's just better peripheral vision.

They can see out the sides better. But men, males are better at scanning. We can scan an area better than women can.

Women have over seven million more cells in the olfactory bulb at the base of the brain. Seven million more than men. With the olfactory bulb, it's a little nodule at the base of the brain.

It's what connects our smelling, our nose, to our brain. It's how we decipher smell. And women have seven million more cells than men.

They can smell better. And I had to think, just recently, kind of a funny story. I was just thinking recently.

It was nighttime. I took a shower, and I went up to bed. My wife was already in the bed.

And I lay down, and she goes, what is that smell? And she's sniffing around. She goes, it's you. I said, you stink.

I said, what do you mean I stink? I just got out of the shower. She said, you smell awful. And she's sniffing on me.

She goes, what soap did you use? And I said, I used the Irish Spring soap. The soap you've been buying for me for probably 20 years. She goes, oh, that's awful.

She said, that stinks. And so, OK. So the next night, I used some of her, I think it's caress, that pink, stinky women's soap.

And it makes you all slimy. You get out of the shower, and you can't get the slime off you. And I used that soap, and she didn't say a word.

Next night after that, I used that caress soap. She didn't say a word. I thought, well, this is interesting.

So then I went, and I used the Irish Spring soap again. I go to bed. She goes, did you use that soap again? She said, you stink.

She said, you smell awful. And I said, dear, you've been buying this soap for me for 20 years. Why all of a sudden? This has kind of caused a major risk in our marriage here.

I think she needs counseling. But, you know, women can smell better than men. Now, the female blood contains more water, and has 20% fewer red blood cells.

Something else that's interesting, a woman's hand, if you eliminate the thumb, call this finger number one, two, and three. Most women, check your hands. Most women, their number one finger is longer than their third, or about the same length.

Men, it's opposite. You can see here, my third finger is longer than my first. I thought that was an interesting statistic there.

Females can express their emotions better than males. This is interesting. MRI studies show that boys and girls up to around the age of 10 or 12, they process their emotion, their emotions, especially the negative emotions, in the amygdala, the amygdala part of the brain.

It's deep inside the brain. It's the lower part of the brain. It's closer to the brain stem.

And scientists, they call it the more primitive area of the brain. But in a young child, the amygdala has very few direct connections to the cerebral cortex, which is the outer layer of the brain. And language, in most people, is computed in the left side of the brain.

Anyway, young children, they have very few connections from the amygdala to cerebral cortex. And it's why young children have a hard time explaining their emotions. They can't tell you how they feel.

But it's interesting. But once they get up into the adolescent years and the teen years, all the way up to around the age of 20, that activity in the brain that originates in the amygdala, the emotions, especially negative emotions, it moves out to the cerebral cortex, further out into the brain, especially to the left side of the brain, where it processes language. But what's interesting, it only happens in girls.

I thought that was fascinating. And it explains why men, we have a harder time expressing our emotions. Because there isn't a whole lot of direct connections from the amygdala to the cerebral cortex.

I thought that was interesting. But interesting, even though women can express their emotions more, women are more than twice as likely to suffer from major depression and anxiety. But they're only 25% as much likely to commit suicide compared to a man.

Most suicides are white male in their low 30s. Most drowning victims are male. And most snake bites happen to males.

Which, us men, we understand that, right? Most snake bites happen to men. That's a no-brainer. You know, and finally, the external occipital protuberance is larger in males than in females.

You know, and that's all just the tip of the iceberg. Just the tip of the iceberg. You know, that 1.5% difference, you know, is actually huge.

It's huge, between men and women, male and female. You know, but God knew exactly what he was doing when he created that helper meat for the man. Now, the Hebrew word man is ish.

And the Hebrew word for woman is ishah. Which means, taken out of the man. Now, Eve's personal name, of course, was Eve.

Which means, giver of life. You know, we can find that in Genesis 3.20, where it says, and Adam called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. You know, that first woman, she was taken out of the man.

You know, but all subsequent humans have come from the woman. And I had to think, you know, what a blessing. You know, what an honor.

You know, what a responsibility. But most of all, you know, what a challenge. You know, what a challenge.

You know, the challenge of motherhood. Can we stand and pray? Our Father in heaven, we do come before you this day that you have blessed us with as we want to lift up our mothers before us this morning. We want to lift you up first, dear Father, as the maker of heaven and earth.

And overall, and you know, the maker of everyone here. We want to thank you for that, for giving us life and blessing us. We want to thank you, dear Father, for blessing us with the women among us here.

Thank you, dear Father, for the sanctifying effect they have on the church. And we just pray a blessing upon each one. We pray a blessing upon this service.

We thank you for what's been brought to us so far. And we just pray that you be with us throughout the remainder of the service. So we do ask in Jesus' name, amen.

You may be seated. Greetings to each one in Jesus' name. Visitors, I learned we have Nana and Papa with us here this morning.

Bless you. And I see Kirsten back there, my son's lady friend. Bless each one, the regulars.

So this morning we want to bless, we want to honor the mothers here today on this Mother's Day. And we're going to be looking at some verses in Proverbs. Caleb, already referred to, thank you.

You scared me there. You know, I'm not sure if Proverbs, we're going to look for Proverbs 31. I'm not sure if Proverbs 31, is it the traditional Mother's Day verses? I don't know if it is.

I can't really remember from one year to the next. But I mean, I understand it as being the verses we read about a virtuous woman, a godly wife. But I can't, I'm not sure if it's really a Mother's Day or a Mother's Day verses that we read.

They're very common verses. We're all familiar with it. Proverbs 31.

Turn there if you would. So I asked my 18-year-old daughter a couple of days ago, and the first thing she said is, Dad, please don't mention me over the pulpit. I'm sorry.

But I was talking to my 18-year-old daughter, and I said, you know, what do young girls think about the Proverbs 31 woman? What do young girls, what do you think about? And she said, well, she said, I think for us young people, it's not a joke. But yet, it doesn't relate a whole lot to us. We kind of use it kind of like, you know, say we're baking a cake, or we're baking a bread, baking some bread.

You know, maybe the next day at church, we might tell our friends, oh, yesterday I was being a Proverbs 31 woman. You know, that's kind of the context. She was saying how young girls look at Proverbs 31.

I said, that's interesting. I can understand that. And so I asked my wife, and I said, you know, what does Proverbs 31 mean to you? And she said, you know, she said she feels like most women look at the Proverbs 31 woman as, you know, kind of as a lifelong endeavor.

You know, what kind of a woman could be this perfect woman all the time? She said, sometimes it can actually be discouraging. You know, thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman that, you know, I don't measure up. But she said, you know, she said, it's like a lifelong endeavor.

It's something we look, we look, you know, we want to be that woman. I thought, you know, she said, it's kind of like a goal. And she told me, she said, it's kind of like, she said, the scripture that says that me as a husband, that you're supposed to love me, my wife, like Christ loved the church.

And she said, she said, you can try. She said, but you're not that kind of a husband. She said, not all the time.

You know, you know, no husband is. No husband loves his wife like Christ loved the church perfectly all the time. You know, and the first thing I thought was, you know, wow, that really hurt.

But I understood what she was saying. You know, I understood what she was saying. You know, it's a sanctifying process.

Let's read from Proverbs chapter 31. Proverbs 31. We're going to begin reading in verse 10.

And it says, who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that she shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not all evil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant's ships.

She bringeth her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night and giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens. She considereth the field and buyeth it with the fruit of her hands.

She planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good.

Her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle and her hands holdeth the staff. She stretches out her hand to the poor, yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen and selleth it and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom and her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness. and her tongue is the law of kindness.

Her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain.

But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the gates. The title for our message this morning is Just One Chance.

Just One Chance. Maybe a better title would be Just One Opportunity. Just One Opportunity.

That would probably be better, but I like Just One Chance, so that's what it is. Just a quick testimony about my mother. My mother, she took care of the family well.

I have one brother. He's a year older than I am. I have a sister.

She's ten years younger than I am. I grew up on a dairy farm. My mother, she didn't grow up on a farm.

She actually grew up, if anybody ever heard of the town of Fleetwood, that's where my mother grew up in Berks County, the town of Fleetwood. She's a town girl. And she became pregnant, I believe, I'm not even sure, 16 or 17 years old.

I'm not sure. And she married my father. My mother and father stayed together my entire life.

They were never divorced. I lived in a stable home. It was a dairy farm.

My mother, she enjoyed making, what I remember, she enjoyed making holidays special. It was something she really enjoyed. She enjoyed making food, special foods.

My mother, she did not have a really open, bubbly personality. She was the kind of person, like she just liked one or two friends. And she had two very close friends.

But other than that, she wasn't a very bubbly personality. She didn't have that very social personality. You know, I love my mother, but she wasn't the perfect mother.

I'm not complaining. That sounds awful. You don't say my mother wasn't the perfect mother, but I love my mother.

You know, but I have no memory of my mother ever holding me or touching me. My father as well. I have no memory of any counsel or words of encouragement from my mother.

I don't have any real strong memory of, at all, of much interaction with my mother at all. You know, she was a good caretaker and I loved her and I miss her. But it just wasn't a close relationship.

And I don't believe it was that she was lacking. It's just what she was taught. She was a good caretaker and I loved her.

Some years back, I'm not even sure, six, eight, 10 years ago, I don't even know the date or the month or the date of the year, she was beginning to have some issues with her lungs. And she'd go into the doctor and they gave her a thorough exam. Here they found some lumps on her body and it turned out to be lymphoma.

It was cancer. Now the doctor told her, he said, if you're going to get cancer, lymphoma is the best cancer to get. If we're going to call an inoperable brain tumor a number 10, lymphoma is going to be number one.

They said it's going to be like 90% curable. What they're going to do is, they're going to give her six rounds of chemotherapy. And that's what they did.

But after the first three rounds of chemo, they gave her a PET scan. It's where they put the dye inside your veins and they check you for cancer. And after three rounds of chemotherapy, they said she was cancer-free.

She was cancer-free. They did see some irregularities in her lungs, not from the PET scan, from other testing they did. They've seen some irregularities in her lungs.

But the protocol, it called for six rounds of chemotherapy. So they were going to continue it. They were just going to monitor her lungs.

I don't know if they actually finished all six of the rounds of chemo or not. But by the end there, her lungs were destroyed. The chemo had destroyed her lungs.

It's an ailment that occurs. It's kind of rare, but it does happen through chemotherapy. There's a name for it.

I don't know what it is, but it was incurable. She stayed at home for a few weeks, carrying an oxygen tank, dragging the hose behind her. And then her breathing got too labored.

And we took her to the hospital. And she was in the hospital for a few days on oxygen. And each day, they had to continuously raise the oxygen to the point where they couldn't raise the oxygen anymore.

And she was struggling to breathe. So the hospital said she was terminal and it's time to call in hospice. So they called in hospice into the hospital.

And the first thing they did was they put her on heavy morphine. They said she was in distress with her breathing. Hospice put her on heavy morphine immediately, which knocked her out.

And she never spoke again or never became coherent again. And then she was like that for a day or two. And then they said she's never coming home.

She was terminal. So they explained to us what they were going to do is in the morning, this one morning, they were going to slowly raise the morphine until it shut her organs down. And she died.

So that's what they did. Over the course of a few hours, they slowly raised the morphine. And her laboring became shallower and shallower.

And her organs began to shut down. And she died. She was 63 years old.

The chemo destroyed her lungs. Hospice killed her. And she died cancer free.

You know, like I said, I wasn't close to my mother, but it wasn't like she... I had a good mother. You know, if I could explain the relationship with my mom, I had to think. I know recently, brother Mark lost his mother and his father.

And brother Carl lost his father recently. You know, when you hear about the death of a parent of a friend, you know, it makes you sad. It makes you sad because you see your friend suffering.

But in a way, you don't feel a whole lot of sadness for the one that died because you didn't know that. Maybe that sounds callous, but you know what I'm talking about. You don't feel a real sadness for the one who passed because you might not have ever met them or known them.

The sadness comes from seeing the other person, your friend, suffering. And it's sad and it's shameful, but that was kind of the relationship I had with my mom. You know, I loved my mom, but when she passed, I wasn't devastated.

It was almost like I was losing someone I didn't know. I was devastated seeing my father suffer. My father just turned 80.

He's still alive. I have a good relationship with my father, but seeing my father suffer. But it's like I said, I didn't look it up, but I don't even know how many years it's been.

I don't even... I don't know what the date is. You know, it's not right. And I realized that.

But that's the relationship I had with my mother. And I love my mother. Now, I don't know if anyone here takes any kind of interest in psychology.

I do, you know. I think we all believe in psychology. We probably question a lot of the therapies that are out there, but the way the human brain works and operates, I think we'd all agree.

It's an interesting study. But in psychology, there's something called attachment styles. Has anybody ever heard of attachment styles? Raise your hand if you've heard of attachment styles.

I'm surprised. I'm surprised. I highly recommend that you go home and you Google attachment styles.

It's really fascinating. There's very few people raise their hands. It's actually very interesting.

And they say attachment styles are basically how, almost as an infant, how you learn to attach to your caregivers around you. How your brain adapts to... And depending on the type of parents you had or caregivers, it determines your attachment style. Whether it's a secure attachment, whether it's a disorganized attachment, an anxious attachment, or an avoidant attachment.

There's four attachment styles. It's very interesting. I highly recommend you study it.

Now, the avoidant attachment style is the most destructive. The only really good one is the secure attachment. And what a secure attachment is, is if, as a parent, you know, there's a lot that leads up to it.

But if you're able to leave your child someplace else and your child might not want you to leave, but your child, you leave, your child settles down, and when you come back to your child, your child runs to you, your child is happy to see you, and your child just, as she sees you, recognizes you, hugs you or whatever, and goes on with their life. That's a secure attachment. And as you get older, it really, it develops neural pathways in your brain that are healthy versus the child that learns from an early age that no one's gonna, no one's gonna, my mother isn't coming back, no one's gonna take care of me.

I'm on my own. I need to self-soothe. I need to, I'm not gonna cry anymore because crying doesn't help.

No one's gonna take care of me. It's called the avoidant attachment style. And it's a very destructive attachment style.

Like I said, it's interesting to study it. It's interesting. You know, and the reality is is that I have that avoidant attachment style.

That's who I am. And I recognize that, and I recognize it, and I've worked very hard to try and change that. You know, an adult with that attachment style, they tend to be a loner.

They have anti-social tendencies. They lack trust. And it's a totally unhealthy way to live.

And, you know, and I recognize that in my own life. And, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a victim. And I'm not blaming my mother.

I'm not blaming my father. But it's just the reality. You know, and there's other people, I'm sure, in a crowd this large.

There's other people that know what I'm talking about. They understand. And I would hope everybody here is actually in a secure attachment style.

But, you know, it's, we all grew up in different homes, okay? You know, in a marriage, the avoidant attachment style, it's actually quite destructive. It's quite destructive. You can imagine a person that's a loner, anti-social tendencies, lacks trust.

Those aren't, you know, good things in a marriage. You know, I can look back in my own life, in my own marriage, 32 years, is that right? 32 years, you know, of all the damage that I have caused. You know, because of who I am as a person.

You know, all the damage that I've caused. You know, and to this day, it shames me. But I will say, you know, I do believe, you know, that my emotions have begun to move from my amygdala to my cerebral cortex.

I am able to process my emotions. And me and my wife, we have many conversations, you know, on topics like this. And, you know, I've learned to process my emotions.

You know, mostly through recognizing them as being sin. You know, the way I am, the things I've done, you know, it's sin, you know, calling it sin. And just, you know, recognizing, you know, the sanctifying effect of a godly mother, a wife in the home, how that has helped heal.

You know, my mother was a good mother, but she wasn't a godly mother. You know, I didn't grow up in a Christian home. I was sitting here thinking, I've heard many of you folks' testimony.

We heard this morning a testimony. And I'm not sure, but I think I might be different than every single person here. You know, I did not grow up in a Christian home.

I didn't grow up in a bad home, but I had no church upbringing. And like I said, my mother, she was a good mother, but she wasn't godly. You know, it wasn't, you know, I had no clue of what a godly mother, when I got married, I had no clue what a godly mother even was.

I had no clue at all what a godly mother even was. I had no point of reference. You know, it wasn't until I seen my wife grow into her role as a mother, and that's when I fully understood, you know, what Proverbs 31 is all about, and also what it's not about.

Now, Proverbs 31, it's written as an acrostic. I don't know if you know what an acrostic is. Starting in verse 10 to verse 31, it's written as an acrostic.

What the writer did is he took the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet, and it's like putting them down a line over here, and behind each letter of the Hebrew alphabet, he put a verse. There's something, I don't know Hebrew, but something inside each one of these verses starting at verse 10 up to 31, it relates to each one of the letters of the Hebrew alphabet. It's called an acrostic.

I thought that was interesting. I'm not going to go down every verse here. We don't have time for them.

I'm not going to go down through each verse, but we want to look in verse 10. In verse 10, it says, it says, Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. You know, it's understandable, you know, what the author is telling us there is that this woman, I like to look at it as a mother here this morning, this mother, she has tremendous value.

She's of extreme value. You know, critics look at the Bible, and they look at us Christians, and they say, oh, yous don't treat your ladies right. You know, how can anybody misinterpret this? Her price is far above rubies.

You know, some complain about, oh, we live in this patriarchal society, us Christians, we down our women. It's not true. You know, your price is far above rubies.

Now, ruby, it's a red gemstone. It's actually very rare. I looked it up, what I found was possibly the nearest source of rubies in Israel at this time would have been Afghanistan, almost 2,000 miles away.

And they say a good quality ruby has more value than a diamond. There's high quality diamonds that are worth more, but a ruby on a standard diamond, comparing them, ruby to diamond, a ruby has more value. They're much more rare.

You know, and that's why the author asks, he says, who can find a virtuous woman? Who can find her? Because they're so rare. You know, she's incredibly, incredibly rare. You know, we often look at that word virtuous.

You know, that word virtuous as being a feminine quality. You know, the virtuous woman, who can find a virtuous woman? But it's actually not a feminine quality. Believe it or not, it's actually a military term.

In the King James Bible, the Hebrew word for virtuous is found 243 times. And it's mostly interpreted, it's 56 times, it's translated as army. 37 times as man of valor.

29 times host. 14 times forces. Valiant, 13 times.

Strength, 12 times. And they become less and less. It's actually translated virtuous very few times.

I thought that was interesting. It's not a feminine quality. You know, it's power, it's strength.

And the writer's saying, who can find a virtuous woman? Who can find this woman of strength, this woman of valor? And I think, dear sisters, if you probably agree with me, you mothers, you know, sometimes it feels like you're in a battle. You know, it takes strength. Every day it takes strength.

You know, looking at it that way, you know, the next verse, verse 11 makes a lot of sense. You know, verse 11, it says, the heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that she shall have no need of spoil. You know, after a battle, you know, the winning army would go through the enemy camp and it would collect all the valuable stuff from the enemy.

Anything that they could find that they thought they wanted, it had value, they would collect it for themselves and take it home. It was called spoil. And this is all military stuff.

They take it home as spoil. They'd keep it for themselves. But not this man.

You know, this man, you know, he has no need for spoil. He has no need for other people's stuff. You know, because his wife, the mother in his home, she provides diligently for the needs of her family.

You know, we look at it, you know, we look at the roles in the home. We look at the men as being the providers, but not according to Proverbs 31 here. It's the woman.

And you know, in reality, that's really true. Isn't it? In our homes, you know, the woman, the wife, the mother, she is the one that's, you know, she's on the front lines. You know, she's really the daily necessities of the home.

It's her. And I want to bless her for that. It says, there is no need for spoil.

She provides diligently for the home. It says that he safely trusts in her. You know, he safely trusts in her.

I thought about that. You know, he safely trusts in her, you know. And you know, can we turn that around? You know, can we turn that around? You know, men, you know, does your wife safely trust in you? And the reason I think about this, the reason I bring this up, I'm going to say in the last short while, you know, I decided to make some real efforts in my life to be a better man, to be a better husband in the home.

And me and my wife have been having more deeper conversations than we've had in our entire marriage. And I ask her, what, you know, what am I doing wrong? You know, what has caused, you know, let me just say, you know, we've had, I would say we've had a good marriage, but it's not the marriage I want. And she would say, you know, I haven't trusted you.

I don't trust you. And when she told me that, and maybe I shouldn't even mention this because this is an ongoing conversation with us. It's just kind of personal.

But it's a conversation we had. You know, and and the thing she was telling me, you know, I had to acknowledge, you know, that she's right. You know, she had legitimate reasons.

You know, she had grounds for not trusting me. You know, I wasn't, I wasn't protecting her as a husband protects his wife. I wasn't protecting her like I should be.

And, and, and she brought this up. And this, this has been deep rooted for 32 years. This lack of trust.

And it shames me to even say that. I'm just being honest. And maybe I shouldn't say it because it's a conversation we're still, we're still having.

You know, brothers, do you protect this valuable possession of yours? Not a possession as you understand what I'm saying. This mother, that her value is far above Ruby's. Do you protect it? You know, if you had a gemstone that was as valuable as a Ruby, you would, you would cherish it.

You would take care of it. Can your wife trust in you? One, one simple thing I was thinking of, just one simple thing. Maybe it's not even a big deal.

But, you know, you know, bless our mothers, teaching school, teaching our children. You know, if you're, you have your bad days with the children, you know, is your wife free to just say, say to the children, stop, stop, that's enough. Your father will take care of this when he gets home.

You know, there's homes that can't happen. I trust that your wife can trust you. That you have her back.

That you're back. You have her back. She's never alone.

You know, are you that kind of a husband? Are you that kind of a man? You know, it might not seem like much, but, you know, can she trust you? You know, I'm learning that's one of the biggest things in my marriage that I failed at. Trust. You know, by far, most of the verses we read about in Proverbs 31, they deal with domestic issues.

You know, whether it's sowing, gardening, putting food away. You know, verse 27 says, she looketh well to the ways of her household. Verse 20 says, she stretches out her hand to the poor, yea, she reaches forth her hand to the needy.

You know, it says, you know, she stretches out her hand beyond the home. You know, mothers, sisters in the church here, you know, your first calling is your home, your family. But I think you would agree there's also a blessing in being able to serve others outside the home.

I think you'd agree. It's a blessing. It makes you feel, you know, each one of you, you know, you, your family's specialty, and it's the most important thing to you.

But there's something inside of us that wants to serve. And as believers and followers of Jesus Christ, you want to serve outside the home. And, you know, I would like to encourage you, you know, with, you know, it's good to have a ministry.

I had to think, I had to think back, you know, in our home, you know, I want to bless my wife. I think back at least four times in our, you know, four times you might think, well, that's not a big deal. At least four times we've taken in elderly women, widows into our home.

After they might have had surgery or a sickness, we set up a bed in our living room and they lived with us for a while. At least four different times I can remember, you know, and that was my wife. You know, she had small children, you know, small children in the home, but she wanted to minister.

She wanted to help. She wanted to be a blessing in the community. And sisters, I think that's good.

That's a good thing. Husbands, I think we need to encourage our wives, you know, to be, to minister. It has its limits, but I think it's a blessing.

I think it's a learning experience for our children that they can see, that they can see because face the facts, you know, mothers, you are the primary caregiver in the home. You are the primary caregiver. And the children can see their mother serving.

You know, that's a blessing. And it's a lesson that children can learn at an early age. You know, something else I had to think about, if you want to, if you want to be a blessing community around us.

I remember as the children were growing up, Nicole, I said, I was going to talk about you. What did you, Nicole is my niece, as a child, what did you do with our children? Once a year, every year, like five, six years in a row. Do you remember what you used to do? Remember what I'm talking about? What's that? No, something else.

How do we minister? The widow's night. You know, here in our church here, we have a widow's night coming up. But in our home, I want to bless my wife and Nicole's mother, April.

They would arrange a widow's night in our home. The children were small. I'm not sure how many children would have.

It could have been maybe between my children and Nicole and her siblings. I'm not even sure. Maybe five or six, eight children.

We take all the furniture out of the living room, set up tables, and we gather 10, 12 widows in our community. And we bring them into our home. The children would make a meal.

The children would serve them. They would then put on a show. They would sing songs.

And they would maybe do a little play and do skits. And the children did that every year for five, six years, maybe longer, I remember. It was a ministry that we had.

And that was all started by my wife. And it's something I encourage. It's a ministry.

Can you see how beneficial that can be to your children and be beneficial to the community? You know, sisters, mothers, you're not just a mother. You know, you have many opportunities to minister in your community. It's interesting.

Many of those widows have passed on. But different widows that we might come in contact. This is probably 15 years ago.

We'll come in contact with some of them that are still alive. And they'll always talk about the blessing it was, you know, 15 years ago when they used to come into our home and have widow's night. They enjoyed themselves.

And I said, that was about 15 years ago. You know, your home can be a place of ministry. But one thing I would strongly caution is never, never bring in to your home another troubled youth, another peer, another child that's roughly the age of your children.

Never. No matter how bad as a Christian, as a follower of Christ, you want to minister to maybe a hurting person, never bring another young child into your home that's around the same age as your children. I know there's people here that have had bad results from that.

And we ourselves, I regret as a father, I let my guard down. I regret it. We had some bad experiences.

Never, never bring other young children into your home. Your home is a place of rest. Your home is a place of safety.

You know, it's a safe place for your children. It's a safe place for your children. And you need to guard your home.

Fathers, mothers, you need to guard your home. God has given you the responsibility of raising your children for Him. And, you know, we don't want to fail.

You know, like I said earlier, most of Proverbs 31, it deals with domestic issues. Sowing, gardening, keeping the home. You know, and those things, they are all needful.

You know, they're all important. You know, a chaotic home is not a place of rest. It's not.

When things are all continuously disheveled, it's not a place of rest. You know, my thoughts this morning, they really go to verse 28. Verse 28 says, Let me ask you, sisters, you know, on what grounds, on what grounds would your children and your husband rise up and praise you? What's the basis? What's the basis that your children would rise up and praise you? You know, is it the manicured garden? You know, is it the spotless shiny floors? You know, is it the gourmet meals? You know, we all love gourmet meals, but is that why, is that why your children will rise up and call you blessed? You know, they're all good things, you know, but that's not it.

That's not it. You know, do you really think it's the Martha, Martha mother who gets the blessing? You know, do you believe that? I don't. Let's turn here.

Turn to Luke chapter 10. Luke chapter 10, verse 38. Luke 10, 38.

Beginning at verse 38 says, And now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into Christ, that he entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about with much serving, and came to him and said, Lord, does thou not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me.

And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful, and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. You know, very common verses. You know, who got the blessing here? Was it Mary? No, it wasn't Mary.

I'm sorry. Was it Martha? No, it wasn't Martha. It was Mary.

It was Mary. It was Mary who sat at the feet of Jesus. You know, she's the one who got the blessing.

You know, Mary, I believe, was a true Proverbs 31 woman. You know, mothers, you're not mopping the floor for eternity. You know, you're raising children for eternity.

You know, choose the good part, you know, which will not be taken away. You know, I had to think, you know, my children are mostly grown. You know, we have four boys and three girls, and our youngest is 18.

You know, my wife, I'll let the cat out of the bag here, but she has a silly streak in her. You know, she plays rough with her boys. You know, I picture many times my wife playfully smacking one of her boys in the head, and they'll say, Mom, what are you doing? That hurts.

And she'd raise her finger up to their faces. Don't you ever lift your hand to a woman with a smile on her face, and then she might punch him in the stomach. Mom, that hurt.

Why you do that? That hurt me. Oh, quit your whining, you little baby. You know, she has a special relationship with her boys.

You know, but there's hardly a day that goes by that our youngest son, Ben, doesn't stand in the kitchen hugging his brother. There's not a day that goes by. You know, every one of my boys would lay on the couch and lay their head on their mother's lap and talk to her and let her run her fingers through their hair.

Every one of them. My son, Micah, got married back in October, and I can picture him laying on his mother's lap, 24 years old, I'm not sure, 24 years old, laying on the couch with his head on his mother's lap. You know, that's a relationship.

You know, every single one of my three girls, if you would ask them today, you know, who is your best friend? Every single one, I have no doubt, every single one of my girls would say it's their mom. You know, my children never had best friends. My boys, as they were growing up, their best friends were them, their siblings.

But if I ask them, do you think, you know, besides the ones that are married, their wives, I think, you know, really, who was your best friend? It was your mother, as a boy. My daughters, there's no doubt, who's your best friend? It's their mother. Each would say it's their mother.

You know, I didn't have a godly mother. You know, she was a good mother, but she wasn't godly. You know, I wish I would have had a relationship with my mom.

I really do. I wish I could have laid on the couch with my lap, with my head on her lap. You know, I wish we could have laughed together.

I wish we could have been together, but we weren't. You know, I never knew what a godly mother was. Until I married the mother of my children.

You know, she would say that no man could love his wife like Christ loved the church. You know, that's a sanctifying process. That's what she told me.

You know, no man can love his wife like Christ loved the church. You know, but I've seen it. You know, I've seen a wife that loves her husband like Christ loved the church.

You know, she's given everything that she has. You know, I'm unworthy, and I praise her for that. You know, in Genesis chapter 3, after Adam and Eve, they sinned, and God cursed all of His creation, He told Adam in verse 19, He says, In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return to the ground.

For out of it was thou taken. For dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return. You know, we were formed from dust to the ground.

You know, and to the ground we're going to return. And it's done. You know, and the point I want to impress upon you mothers this morning is, you got just one chance.

You got just one chance. You know, who was the Proverbs 31 woman? Was it Martha? No, it wasn't Martha. It was Mary.

It was Mary. You know, Christ said, you know, She had chosen the good part that couldn't be taken away. You know, the work is always going to be there.

It's always going to be there. You know, but your children won't. Choose the good part.

Remember mothers, you only got one chance. May God bless each one. Hold on one second.

Does anybody know what the external occipital protuberance is? I mentioned it earlier. What is it? Well, it's something that's different between a man and a woman. As a matter of fact, forensic... What's that? Nose? No, it's not.

Take your finger, put it at the back of your neck. Everybody, put your finger at the back of the neck. Slowly run your finger up to your skull.

Now, men, mostly, right at the base of your skull, you're going to feel a little bit of a bump in your skull. That's your external occipital protuberance. Women have a very small one.

Men have a larger one. Now you know. May God bless.

Thank you, Brother Gary. Before you began the message, when you began your story, my mind went back to the brain, that cow brain. For all of you children, you remember that.

We all do. But I'll never forget the interest that Brother Gary has shown in the brain. And I've learned a lot about the brain from that.

Very fascinating. I'll put it on the subject of the message, just one chance. I think it's hard to grasp the importance that a mother has in both her sons and her daughters and her husband.

I know a thought that I had while you were speaking was that as husbands and wives, we should challenge each other to become more like Christ. If one of us is dragging the other one down, it's going to create conflict and tension. But we should, as followers of Christ, drive each other closer towards Christ.

And on the thought of a precious gemstone, her worth being far above rubies, do we really treat our wives and our mothers with that thought in mind? That we value them beyond anything else? One thing that I make a fairly regular practice of with my wife after seeing homes fail and lives being torn apart and marriages being broken, my desire as a single man was to figure out how how you can have a godly home where a mother and father love each other and children honor and respect their parents. And so as a result of that, it drove me to pursue a godly woman. And so now that we're married, a question I regularly ask my wife is, what can I do to be a more godly man, a more godly husband, and now a more godly father? Besides for going to God's Word, and the thing she always tells me is, just keep seeking Christ.

Because I think that's a wonderful answer. Because if we are changing who we are, changing things we do, just simply to keep our spouse happy or keep the approval of our parents, or whatever it might be. We're changing for other people.

We're not changing because we believe and because we want to change from the inside out. And also, Brother Gary, I really think what you said about guarding our home, mothers and fathers guarding our home, protecting our children. Home should be a place where it's safe.

It's safe to share. It's safe from the pressures of the world. And I remember as a young person, my dad had a heart for ministry, a heart for people.

And he brought some people into our home when I was in my early teens that were not good people. And I remember feeling the peer pressure. I knew they weren't good people.

I knew they weren't following Christ. I knew their lives were broken, just come from jail or come off the streets or whatever. But Dad had a big heart and he would give people a place to stay if they were just down on their luck.

And there was many times where I disrespected my own parents or reacted towards my own parents to simply try to gain the approval of this person that was not an honorable person. But that's the effect of peers, bad influences in the home. Thankfully, it was never an extended period of time that Dad had those people in our home.

It was usually short periods of time. But anyways, I firmly believe that as fathers and mothers, we should be guarding our home.