In this sermon, the speaker emphasizes the importance of obedience and submission to authority. He shares personal experiences of his travels and adventures, highlighting the benefits of following the guidance of those who are knowledgeable and experienced. The speaker also discusses the significance of marriage and parenthood as examples of God's love and character. He emphasizes the impact that a father's actions can have on a child's perception of God. Overall, the sermon encourages listeners to embrace obedience and submission, as it can lead to a fulfilling and adventurous life.

Okay, we can talk about marriage. Let's just start at the beginning, in Genesis. Chapter 1, verse 26. God said, Let us make man in our image according to our likeness and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created the him, male and female, he created them. And the first thing that we need to recognize is the male and the female are both created in the image of God and there's no indication whatsoever that one is superior or the other inferior. There is equality. Now this is very, very important. The only problem is in our culture, equality demands sameness, okay? And in the scriptures it does not. What do I mean by that? Today, if someone says the wife should submit to the husband, the rebuttal to that is, no, they're both created in the image of God, they're equal. See, we have the idea that because they're both created in the image of God and they're both equal, that one cannot submit to the other. But if we do that, guess what? We've just destroyed the Trinity. Because the scriptures teach quite clearly, especially in Philippians chapter 2, that although the son was in the image of God, he did not grasp or take a hold of equality of God as something to be grasped or something he would not let go of, but he submitted himself. And so we need to learn that in biblical thought, in the mind of God, equality does not limit the possibility of different roles. My wife and I are equal, but I am a man, she is a woman. We are different before God and we have different roles. It doesn't mean that one is superior to the other, it just means we're different with different roles. Now, the feminist movement, which probably most women, even women who identify themselves with Christianity have been greatly influenced by, and men, have been greatly influenced by the feminist movement. And the feminist movement tries to portray itself as defending womanhood. The fact of the matter is, it's just the opposite. There's nobody who hates women more than the feminists. They can't stand the idea that a woman is to be held as different from a man. They cannot stand the fact that a woman, they believe she must be allowed to do the same thing a man is, she's equal to a man, she's like a man. And so what you see is, they hate what a woman is before God. That if a woman says, I want to submit to my husband, they hate that, they hate it. If she says, I want to stay in my home, and manage my home, and teach my children, they hate that. Everything that God says a woman is, the feminist movement absolutely despises it. And it's trained also generations now, a couple of generations of women to despise what God says a woman is. But if you'll notice, the contentment among professional women is at an all time low. The average woman who goes through medical school and actually becomes a doctor, the average number of years that she works as a doctor after medical school is five years. Can you imagine paying that much money to work as a doctor for five years? The fact of the matter is, the Bible says that we were created for God, and we were created to fulfill certain purposes. When we, because of ungodly, evolutionary, feministic teaching, deny everything about what God says with regard to our roles and who we are, we have a mixed up world that just is miserable. And that's what we've got right now. And that's what we've got. So there is equality, but there are different roles, different roles. Now, if you go on to Genesis chapter two. In verse 18, if you'll notice throughout all of the creation story every day, God says he creates something and he says it is good, it is good, it is good, it is good, is good. It's the chapter two, verse 18. Then the Lord God said it is not good for a man to be alone. It's not good. I will make him a helper suitable for him. Now, first of all, it's not good for a man to be alone. The Bible teaches us that some men are given and we suppose some women are given the gift of celibacy, that they do not need a husband. They do not need a wife. They are content. That's awful cheery. That they are content to live without a husband and wife because of a special calling of God on their life. Now, the Catholic Church tried to take this and and turn it into something tremendously ungodly and damaging. And that is to say, anyone involved in the ministry, whether as a priest or a nun, must not marry. That is totally contrary to everything that we have in Scripture, because even the Apostle Peter was married. And he supposedly is the first pope. Now, he's not, but that's what they say. The real reason why the Catholic Church refused its bishops the right to marry is holy and completely monetary. As the Catholic religion began to spread abroad, you know, that Catholicism not only believes it ought to deal with the souls of men, but that it also ought to control governments. Because of that, bishops became extremely wealthy, which is wrong, but bishops became extremely wealthy. And when they died, their children inherited all their wealth. Catholic Church came up with the idea, we can't let money like this escape. And so the whole idea was, no, the priest must be celibate. The monk and the nun must be celibate. But the problem with that is that it is unbiblical. As a matter of fact, it contradicts the very teachings of St. Paul in First Timothy, Chapter three, where he warns that after his death, men would come who would who would declare that that men had to abstain from marriage. He warns that in the New Testament. And we see that happen after the first few centuries of Catholicism. And it is also led to what you see today, the great scandal in the Catholic Church of pedophilia, homosexuality, lesbianism among the nuns and also almost in every case in almost every ancient monastery around the world. You see where they're excavated, excavating and finding countless, countless bodies of babies. Where priests and nuns would have would have relationships, a child would be born and the child would be killed. You see, all of this is is. It's a despising of marriage, OK? That the Bible never places upon a person in the Bible. Sex is a blessing. It is not something to be despised. You see, but it has its context in marriage and only marriage. Marriage is a good thing. OK, now, so it is not good for a man to be alone. A lot of young men really struggle, really struggle with with temptation terribly. Now, one of the reasons is we are a very sensual culture, all the media, all the stuff that goes on. But here's another reason. I want you to think about this. Let's say that a hundred years ago, a young man awakened to the fact that the opposite sex was something wonderful. Let's say that happened to him around 13. See, their their awakening time was a lot later. Their innocence was protected. So let's say let's just give it a round number. Let's say 12. But also in most cultures, boys would marry by the time they were set, let's say 18. So that's that six years of dealing with a godly desire that cannot be fulfilled. That's six years. But today, boys are awakened when they are eight many times and do not marry until they are 30. That's 22 years of having to fight against a biblical desire and not being able to fulfill it. Now you see why young men struggle so much, because our culture awakens them too early and doesn't and basically they don't marry till they're so it's so late. So all these years of fighting against what is actually a good desire that they cannot fulfill because they're not yet married. And that's why you have all the perversion, the extra biblical, the or the fornication and everything that occurs. And that's why it's so important if you're a man to train your boys to be men as quickly as possible. And to not have them go out and try to marry quickly, but to have them in a position where they can seek a wife early and teach them that it is a good thing. If your boys, you know, like my boys are 10 and Evan's going to be eight here in just a little while. We already pray for their wives. If and they don't anymore, but if they laugh or act silly when it's brought up, they are rebuked for foolishness. They are treated that this is a very, very special part of being a man. It is a great privilege and they need to honor their wives now as 10 year olds and eight year olds, they need to honor their wives and they need to be praying for them. You see, so they don't have a clue about anything sexual, but they do know that one day they will marry and they do know it's a privilege and it's something that they're looking forward to. Like Evan says, he's going to marry and have 10 children. And so it is not good for a man to be alone. It's just not. It's not good. And it is a good thing for a man to seek for a wife if he seeks her in the Lord. The same may be said for a young lady, a young lady. See, again, most young people have been raised in a culture where marriage is something bad. Go have fun first. What? Act like a beast first and then tame your passions later and settle down with one person and get ready for a boring life. Look what we're telling people. It's grotesque. It's grotesque. We'll go out and have some fun first. What? Go out and fornicate with a bunch of people first and then get married. I mean, you see how horrible that is. It's like beasts. No, let me put it this way. Exactly what it is. Paganism prior prior to the advent of Christianity in Europe. Paganism. Now, he says, I will make a helper suitable for him. Next thing we need to see is the sovereignty of God in the matter to marry outside of consideration of the sovereignty of God and wanting to do God's will is the most dangerous thing you can do. Not only is a Christian supposed to marry another Christian and really be a Christian, not just somebody who says, yeah, I accept the Jesus. Not only must they marry in the Lord, but they must marry with a keen sense of God's sovereignty. We're going to see that later. The basis of my marriage is not that Trotter was pretty. It's not that we get along. I believe God has sovereignly and irrevocably called me to lay down my life for a specific woman. I believe God made her for me and me for her. It is an irrevocable calling. You say now it says it is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. In the old translations, it was called I will make him a help meet, which means a helper that is corresponding or that corresponds to him, a helper that corresponds to him. What is that? I will make him a partner that will be exactly what he needs to fulfill what God is doing in his life, what God is doing in him and what God is doing through him. She will be his assistant. Now you think, well, that doesn't sound too good. No, you've got to understand what's going on here. When a woman takes this seriously and says, OK, I'm supposed to help my my husband in this great purpose of this. Here's the problem. Most husbands are little boys who have never grown up and their only purpose is to buy toys and to play and to do the things that they want to do. And so a woman looks at that and says, I'm supposed to help him do all his fun stuff he likes to do. See how much bitterness that can cause. But you see, the man was created to be a certain way. What way? We see that man in Jesus Christ. He said our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Praise be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done. Jesus Christ, his entire life was set on the advancement of the kingdom of heaven, doing God's will. Now, when a woman realizes that she's been called to assist a husband in advancing God's will on earth and she can see that that husband in his face, he is utter serious. He is serious about it. He is sacrificing his life, not not for his toys, not for his hobbies, not for his personal gratification. But he is sacrificing his life that the will of God might be done on this planet. She has it. She's like, yeah, OK, I can assist a man like that, especially when that man's first priority in that task is to see to the godliness of his wife and the blessing of his wife and the discipleship of his children in the care of his home. Then a woman's going, OK, this man is thoroughly is thoroughly dedicated to the advancement of Christ's will, starting with my life in our home. Yeah, I can assist him in that. I'd be glad to assist him in that. Yeah, I'll be a helper. But it's when she's got to be a helper to a guy who's just doing personal gratification. You see, you see how it and then that's why preachers make me so mad and men make me so mad when they go, yeah, well, my wife's supposed to submit to what she's supposed to be the helper, the submissive helper to a man who's totally dedicated to. Christ's kingdom being advanced in her and in her children. And it's pretty amazing to see how it changes everything when you look at it that way. Yeah. Now, he says in verse 22, the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man. Now, look, God made this woman specifically for Adam and God brought this woman to Adam. Young men ought to hold this course. You ought to hold this course that there is a woman that has been specifically made for you and God will bring her to you. That doesn't mean you should just sit in the house and pray and it doesn't mean you should never talk to a girl. But you need to ask yourself, did God bring this girl? Is this God's doing? OK. And it may be God's doing, but it may not be or it may be the girl, but it may not be God's time. And that's what I taught on yesterday is the girl. Is she ready to assume that responsibility? Is the boy ready to assume that responsibility? Now, the man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Here's what's very, very important. As you're going to see here in verse 24 is for this reason, for what reason? Because of this woman, that man is going to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. The highest relationship that exists in this world is not the relationship between a mother and her child. The highest relationship that exists in this world is between a husband and his wife. Nowhere does the Bible say that the woman is one flesh with her children or that the father is one flesh with his. The Bible says that the husband and wife are one flesh, that it's the closest, the most supreme, the most important relationship that exists. That's all there is to it. And he will leave his father and mother. That does not mean he will stop honoring his father and mother. But what it means is this. His father and mother will no longer be the most important people in his life. His wife will be the most important person in his life. And his primary obligation is to her and not his parents, even though there could be a time when he has to help his parents, even though he should always honor his parents. But it doesn't mean that he should always obey his parents. It says children obey your parents in the Lord. It does not say adults obey your parents in the Lord. It would be wise to receive their counsel if they are godly. But when that man separates from his mom and dad, he forms a new family unit. He's responsible for it. And on the day of judgment, he'll be called on the carpet to give explanation for his family. It's his job. It's his job. Now, I like to put it this way. If I was in a boat and I was with my wife and three children and I was the only one who could swim and the boat started to sink. Now, of course, we're going to try to save everybody. This is just an illustration. But biblically, I saved my wife. Biblically, I saved my wife. Now, here's the point I'm trying to make. How many fathers will say they're terrible husbands, but they're good fathers? How many mothers will acknowledge they're terrible wives, but good mothers? Both of them are deceived. If you're not a good husband, you're not a good father. You're not a good wife. You're blessing you can give your children is to love your wife. The greatest blessing you can give your children is to love your husband. If they see their father and their mother loving one another supremely, those children are going to be the most secure children on the planet. When they start seeing their parents fight and bicker and threaten divorce and everything else, you are going to have some seriously messed up children who see no security. They have no security. It's very difficult for them to learn to trust or anything else because they're looking at two people who are supposed to have the supreme relationship, and yet they can't even live together. So the greatest thing that a man can do is love his wife. Now, by a man loving his wife, what does he do? He teaches his sons how to treat a woman, and he teaches his daughter what to expect from a man. Your daughter is not going to rise above your treatment of your wife. If you treat your wife coarsely and harshly and show her no respect, your daughter will think that's just what men do, and she'll marry a man worse than you, except for the grace of God. So you see, these are very, very important truths, very important truths. Now, the moment a man says I do to his wife, he says I don't to everybody else in the world. He doesn't just say no to all the other women in the world. He says no to his best friend. He says no to his mom and dad. He says no to everybody. You are no longer my best friend. You will no longer consume my time. No, I will no longer go out on running around with you guys. That doesn't mean he won't have friends. It doesn't mean he can't go out hunting with his friends or something like that. It does mean that they don't even come close to looking like his primary relationship. His primary relationship is with his wife. And this is very, very important, especially when you begin to have children. Your primary relationship cannot be your children. You will embitter your wife. You will embitter your wife, especially when you have young children. You'll have a tendency to believe that your wife is strong and maybe she is strong, that she can exist independently from you. And maybe something of that is true. But in the long run, it's just not going to work out. Your wife was made to need you. Her spirituality, she is made so that her spirituality depends on you. Now, this is especially dangerous, men, for men like me, because I have a wife that is very, very strong, very independent, a woman who can stand on her own, who is very strong. And that leaves me a tendency to think my children need me and she doesn't need me that much. The children need discipleship. She doesn't need discipleship that much. And that's a lot. That's a lot. And it's hurt us. It's hurt us. Me looking at her strengths and just assuming she can go on through her day when actually I should be pouring more discipleship into her than I am my children. And that's something very, very important. Also, just on that note, if you have family devotional times, it's not going to cut it always. You know, you also need personal devotional times with your wife alone without the children. Doesn't mean you can do that every day, but you really need to think about that. The personal devotional time is also good, provides a good opportunity for your wife to talk, which is the one thing she most wants to do and the least thing you, the least thing you men want to do. It seemed like when I get in bed every night, my wife would want to talk and I'd always tell her, honey, I'll talk with you all night, but you've got to get up with me at four in the morning and it would shut her down. That's just not right. It's just not right. Men, especially if your wives are homeschooling, your wife, before she had children and started homeschooling, she probably listened to Vivaldi, to Andrea Bocelli, and she loved to read good books. And then that all got replaced with Bob and Larry and Veggie Tales. Pretty soon she's going to pretty much go whacko, go postal, lose her mind or whatever you want to call it. Another one of my biggest failures is not seeing them. And she wants to talk. And here's what's going to happen, and I believe this is true. If you do not spend time in good conversation with her, then she is going to come to the point where she's going to desire so much to talk that one or two things are going to happen. One, she's going to shut down and become embittered, or two, she's going to start talking at all the wrong times, especially when you're tired or out. And it's just going to aggravate more. But that fact that she wants to do that is because you blew it, you blew your opportunity. She's going to try to get some, she's made to converse with you. She's made to need you. So if you don't do that, then what's going to happen is she's either going to shut down or prior to shutting down, she's going to try to get in a word anywhere she can. And it's always going to be the devil is going to see to it, and maybe even God for your discipline, that she does it at the times you least need her to want to be talking to you. You come in from work totally wore out. Let's say it's been horrible. You come in from the ministry or whatever, instead of meeting at you, you at the door quietly. She's going to meet you at the door and tell you everything that's going on that day. And it's going to sound like nothing coming out of her mouth and you're just going to be looking at it. And you're going to sit there and get angry because you're going to say she doesn't recognize how much I'm hurting, how tired I am and what I've had to go through. But God's screaming at you, basically saying this, and she wouldn't be here right now, trying to pick up scraps of conversation with you. If you would meet with her at the times you're supposed to, is that hitting home anywhere to anybody? She ends up being desperate, almost a beggar for conversation. And then it will just exasperate into something even worse. It's amazing, isn't it? Now, I know this not because I'm wise. I know this because I have done it and do it. Always realize when you listen to somebody teach on marriage and you're sitting there going, man, this guy, does he follow me around? I mean, how does he know all this stuff? He knows all this stuff because he's done it all. That's how he knows it. And the Lord has just kicked him up one end and down the other. You see, sin will always have repercussions. You know, sin's almost like a monoped. Yeah, it's just got one kicking foot. But the moment it's released, it turns into an octopus, just spreads out and affects everything, everywhere. You see, irritability with the husband leads to irritability with the children and vice versa. I mean, just sin just multiplies exponentially. And that's why you have to cut it in the quick, James says, before it is conceived and kills. Because sin is not like a death toll of one. It always comes as a plague, takes everybody out. Now, let's go on now to. I guess we can go to go to Romans. Romans 8, verse 28, and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose, for those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to become conformed the image of the sun. Now, the purpose of everything is that you be made like Jesus and carry. So what is the purpose of marriage? That through marriage, you will become more like Christ. That's the purpose of it. I would say it's the primary purpose of it's not the only purpose, but it's the primary one. Now, what are some of the other purposes? Some of the other purposes are this is that the world will look at your love for your wife and say, oh, so that's how Christ loves the church or the lost world will look at your actions as a father and say, oh, that's how the heavenly father loves his children. Marriage and parenthood was given as an illustration or an example to be what God looks like. You know, most children, their image of God is based upon their image of their dad. I mean, all you get a father who's just like the boy scores 22 points in a basketball game, his dad says the first thing he says out of his mouth, there were eight more shots he could have taken. He gets a 97 on his score. He said, why'd you miss these three points? That boy eventually becomes a Christian. He'll kill himself trying to get God to be happy with him. You see, I knew a girl that had been just abused by her father, sexually abused by her father. And after she became a Christian, every time the pastor would say, God is our father, she would cringe in her mind. She would run to Jesus, her brother, because she could not bear to think of a father until God finally healed her and showed her what a real father is like. So everything is to represent who God is for us. Now, men, especially men, but women too. You have, and you are going to fail each other so much and you have and you will fail your children. If you do not learn to go and ask for forgiveness, you are going to be in trouble. Now, spouse, when your husband comes and asks for forgiveness, using that kind of language, I confess my sin to you. Confess is comes from the Greek word homo logeo, homo meaning same, logeo to speak, to speak the same. So when the Bible tells you you're angry, confession is when you speak the same. Lord, what you say about me is true. I confess the same thing. I speak the same thing. You say I was angry. I was angry. I confess it. Now, forgive me. Now, when you mess up, you go to your wife, you need to make sure those words are in your vocabulary. This is what I did. Forgive me. Now, when your spouse comes to you and says, forgive me, do not, don't you dare say it's all right. It's not all right. Don't say it's all right. Don't say forget it. Don't say it. You look at them and you say, I forgive you. Now, there's going to be in all of us this thing of, man, I have forgiven. They come to me one more time and ask me to forgive them for what they've done. I mean, I'm sick and tired of it. Really? So you want to go to hell, huh? What if God looked at you and said, if he asked me for forgiveness one more time on this specific sin, I'm done with it. Then you're going to hell. When Jesus said seventy times seven, he did not mean forgive them seventy seven times. Seventy and the multiples and the added seven there, it's referring to an infinite thing. You forgive him. And if you show bitterness in forgiving them, you have totally missed the boat regarding your standing before Christ. How many certain sins have you? Let's say you've been a Christian for twenty five years and God has changed you in many ways. Many of the sins you had when you started, they're not a problem to you anymore. But I can just bet that there are some sins that still remain with you that you still struggle with. And you've asked the Lord for forgiveness thousands of times. Remember what he said? Forgive the trespasses of others. Forgive me, Lord, as I have forgiven others. You have to forgive. Don't do this thing of it's not important or I don't want to hear it. You don't want to hear it. Then the next time you ask God for forgiveness, the whole thing in discipline is I don't want to hear it. You see, we marvel in in the grace of God, in the mercy of God, and yet we don't want to give grace and mercy to anyone. God says, come unto me, all who are weary and heavy laden. But your skin, your sins are as red as scarlet, and we say, don't tread on me. We tell people, don't tread on me. There's a limit here now. He says here that, oh, let me talk about the children for just a moment. I have had to go not to Rowy so far, but I have had to go at different times to Ian and to Evan because they're short. I have gotten down on my knees with tears in my eyes and taken both of them by the hand and said, your father sinned 30 minutes ago against you when I was impatient with you. I sinned against you. Please forgive me. And they will say, oh, dad, that's OK. And I have to go. No, it was not OK. Son, I must have your forgiveness. And to have the little boy look you in the eye and say, dad, I forgive you. And I tell him, son, you must release me. You can't keep me in this bondage. You must forgive me. You must release me. You see that? A guy told me one time, he says, your children will forgive every one of your failures if they know that you love them and if you confess them, if you confess them. One day last year toward the end of the school year, Ian couldn't get a couldn't get word problems. Charter was helping him. Charter was getting frustrated. I said I would help him. I wrote out a word problem. He couldn't get it. I could realize he really wasn't paying attention, though. I helped him solve it. I wrote out another one and another one and another. I was eventually there an hour and a half and I was getting impatient and I walked out. He finally got the problem. I walked out of the room. I went back in our bedroom and it was like it was like I walked into a furnace. Who do you think you are? How many times have I had to teach you the same thing over and over and over again? And there you are sitting with that nine year old boy, a little boy, being impatient, being huffy, asking him what's his problem? Why can't he understand this? I mean, it broke me into a million pieces and I had to go out there and get on my knees and ask him to forgive me for my impatience. That kind of thing, though, will do so much more to promote godliness in your children than even your successes. You have to. Guys, I don't know where I would be without forgiveness, but you know what? There's never been a time so far when my children have withheld forgiveness from me, but my wife has and I have from my wife. I'm sorry. Look, I'm tired of you saying you're sorry, OK? Look, I'm not going to teach you the Bible by pretending that I'm some great man that all you women ought to wish your husband was like. I think I hope to be a sincere man, but I'm not going to put that on your husbands nor deceive you women. But isn't it amazing that little children have never withheld their forgiveness, but to adults who are supposedly mature Christians? Oh, we may give it, but not really. I was sharing this afternoon here something that's really funny. Well, it's just enlightening. If a husband leaves his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor and his wife walks in and literally blows a fuse because that dirty underwear is on the floor, there's only two options. The first one is she's got severe emotional problems. I mean, anybody who'd go wacko over some underwear on the floor, I mean, wacko, start yelling, mad at her husband, you know, all kinds of stuff. She's seriously deranged. That's one possibility. But there's another possibility. The other one is that piece of underwear on the floor was a fuse, just a fuse that ignited all the past sins that she still has not forgiven him. You see that? It's been building up, building up, building up one tiny firecracker, one tiny firecracker, one tiny firecracker. And now you've got one million and you set that thing off. It's going to go off like TNT. And that's what happens. That's why men, you and I are too nonchalant about what we do. We don't realize how much it hurts our wives. That's our sin. We're just insensitive. Women have a tendency to guard things in their heart and become critical and bitter and will not release. That's why you see a lot more bitter old women than you see bitter old men. Even though you do see bitter old men, you see more bitter old women because they have not really forgiven and they wear it on their face and they are in prison. Jesus said you will be there until you forgive. You see that? It's very, very important to understand. Very important. Very important. Now, let's get to the main idea here about marriage. The main purpose of marriage is that through it you become conformed to the image of Christ. Now, first of all, marriage is a calling. Marriage is a calling. It is. I know that God's called me to preach. I know that if I walk away from that calling, I believe I could die. To whom much is given, much is required. It's an irrevocable calling. This is my lot in life. This is what I do. All right. Marriage is an irrevocable calling. God has called me to lay down my life for one woman. That's it. I mean, you can't, you know, if she's beautiful, praise God. If she's deformed in an accident, not going anywhere. Why? Because the basis of the marriage isn't she's pretty. The basis of the marriage is God called me to take care of her, to lay down my life for one single woman that happens to be his daughter. You see that? And that doesn't mean there's not romance in the marriage. It doesn't mean that there's not, you know, there's not mutual affection and all these things. No, I love my wife. But the fact of the matter is, those emotions are not the basis of the marriage. Sometimes, you know, at times a young man will come to my office and say that he wants to get married. I say, well, why? He goes, well, I'm in love. I go, all right. Why are you in love with this girl? Well, she's beautiful. Okay. What else? Well, I'm just happy when I'm with her and we can talk and she completes me and all these different things. And I go, okay, let me see if I'm understanding you. You want to marry this girl because she meets all your self-centered, selfish desires. And he goes, no, that's not what I mean. I say, yeah, but it's what you said. You want to be with her because she's beautiful. What happens when she's not beautiful anymore? What happens when someone else comes along that's more beautiful? Are you going to do what 50% or 60, 70% of the men do or even walk away from it? Oh, you want to be with her? You want to marry her because you can talk? What happens when you can't talk? And son, there will come times when you will not be able to talk with her, but you will be able to talk to your secretary and the bank teller because you'll be deceived. They're thinking she really liked you. The fact that she's paid to be nice to you. She doesn't like you anymore than your wife does. So what's going to happen when someone else comes along that you can talk with? You see, you see the basis of the marriage can't be those things because all those things are going to wane. They are. Every day my wife sees men better looking than I am. Every day my wife could bump into men that have personalities more corresponding to her, have interests more corresponding to her interests. I mean, every day that could happen. Do you see what I'm saying? What's the basis of marriage? The basis of marriage is God's calling. Now, this is what's important. The purpose of marriage is that you be conformed to the image of Christ. Now, if you can understand this part, this is going to help you so much. When you think of Christ, what are the words that pop into your mind? Is it wrath, justice, anger? No, it's not. What is it? It's unconditional love, mercy and grace. So if God's purpose in marriage is for you to become conformed to the image of Christ, it means that God's purpose in marriage is that you learn to practice unconditional love, mercy and grace. Now, here's the question. How can you learn unconditional love if you're married to someone who meets all the conditions? It might be nice to try that. Yeah, but it won't work. I was going to say you better move over here. But think about it. How are you going to learn to love unconditionally if you're married to a woman who meets all the conditions? How are you going to learn mercy if you're married to a woman who never fails? How are you going to learn grace if your wife always deserves everything? Do you see? And vice versa. Woman, how are you going to learn to love unconditionally if you were married to a husband who fulfilled all the conditions? How are you going to learn mercy if you're married to a husband who never fails you? So a lot of people get in a marriage and they'll go, this woman isn't what I thought she was. It's not what I thought it was. And all these different things were not compatible. All these different things. And they say this is not God's will. And they try to get out. The fact is, the incompatibility is God's will. God's going to give you a woman who's strong where she must be strong. He's going to give you a woman who is weak in some of the areas where you most want to be strong. He's going to make her incompatible in many of the areas where you wanted her to be most compatible. Do you see? Why? So that you'll learn unconditional love. That's why. You know, some men, and I've said this and I've seen them get actually angry, but some men think they're the greatest husbands in the world because they're always happy with their wives. They're always bringing them flowers and all these things. The fact is, they're not really men of virtue. They're just married to a great wife. Their wife is, you know, a supermodel who's got business sense and can clean a house to the point where you see your reflection in the floor. Cook's the greatest. You see what I'm saying? They think they're great men and they're great husbands. The fact of the matter is, it's not really true. It's just that they're married to a superwoman and she does everything he wants her to do. If God really loves you, he's not going to give you a woman like that. God really loves you. He's not going to give you a man like that. He's going to give you someone that you're really going to have to grow in Christ to be at peace with. That's just true. Let me share with you something else. If you come to me and say, my wife totally fulfills me or my husband totally fulfills me, then I'm pretty much going to know you're not a Christian. I'm going to know that you're probably lost. You're not a Christian. You may go to church and stuff, but you're not a Christian. Because see, if you're a Christian, your wife will not be able to fulfill you or complete you. Your husband will not be able to satisfy you. If you're a Christian, the only one who'll be able to do that is Jesus. And here's one of the things that causes people to get divorced. They think because they've read these little goofy Christian marriage books, they think their wife is supposed to complete them. And so they demand from her something that it's impossible for her to give. She can't complete you. She can't fulfill you and she can't satisfy you. If you're a Christian, she can't do that. So to demand that of her is to put some heavy burden that she can't bear. She was never created to bear that. Now, we ought to seek to bless our husbands and wives and things like that, but don't think your mate's ever going to just fulfill your life. Not if you're a Christian. But that's a good thing, isn't it? Because some of you have been married for many years and you realize my wife or my husband does not completely satisfy me. You wouldn't say it. You wouldn't necessarily say it, but you know there's a longing that they don't meet. There's intimacy you desire that they don't even have a clue about. And you think it's because he's a blockhead. Well, he probably is a blockhead, but that's not just the reason. Christ is saying, look, women, listen to me. This will help you out. It'll help your husband out. If you'll go, wow, all these years I felt like my husband, you know, he just couldn't meet my needs. And now I understand he wasn't supposed to. He can't. And it draws you to Christ. Now, please don't take this to an extreme. You know your husband is supposed to meet needs of intimacy and fellowship and friendship and everything. But if you think he's going to just top it off and do it and be the one to fulfill you, you're wrong, unless you're lost. So when there's, when he's doing all he can in his blockhead sort of way, and it just doesn't do what you wish it would do, that's Christ telling you to turn to him because he can fulfill you. He can. I mean, nothing in this place, if you're a Christian, nothing in this world can fulfill you. Nothing. You'll never stop looking for things in this world to fulfill you. You just never will because nothing can. You've been made too high a creature now to be able to be satisfied with anything in this world. And so God has orchestrated it. So that you're married to the perfect person to make you more, most conformed to the image of Christ. Now, the question is, do you want what God wants? And most husbands would have to say, no, I don't. I want a supermodel. I want to be completed by a woman. I want to have a Martha Stewart in my house, just with a different personality. You know, I want, I got to have it. Okay. Then go look for it. But if you're saying, man, I see the sense in this. God's preparing both me and the woman he's given me to be more and more like his son so that we'll inherit eternal glory. Okay. I understand this. So now when you look at your marriage and you think, man, in many ways, this is just a failure. You go, what I thought was a failure is actually, it's a success. That it is changing me. Some of you, if you've been married five, 10, 15, 20 years, can you look back and say that by being in this marriage, I can see that it's made me more conformed to Christ by not giving me everything I wanted out of it. Well, that's the purpose of marriage. Well, we're not even started really on the marriage yet, but the, um, here's something that, that I try to teach young people and they just, they never listen. Gosh, I'd just like to find one of them that listened to me, but if you would just listen to this, I'm telling you, very few people have seen the things I've seen. I mean, whether it's the Himalayas or the jungles of the Amazon or a war or all the things I've seen. One time, someone got up and introduced me, brother. Paul's going to come speak. Now he's a cross between the apostle Paul and Indiana Jones. Well, let me share with you something. And, um, brother Curt probably learned this better than anybody. I'm, I'm not a very strong man. I'm not a very, I don't know a whole lot. I don't know how to hunt very well. I, I, I've not a survival guy. I, uh, I'm not a good fighter. I mean, I'm not just not anything really. I mean, I'm just your average guy. And then people will say, well, how is it? I mean, you served with some of the worst drug addicts. I mean, coming out of the jungles of Peru, you know, in the middle of those kind of people, there was the war with the Sendero Luminoso. You have been in the middle of jungles. I mean, as far back as you can get, you killed a bear in Canada. Okay. Now here's what you need to understand. If I had been at that city situation in inner city, I wouldn't have lasted by myself half an hour. I wouldn't have. Well, then how did I last? Because I was standing beside someone who knew exactly what he was doing. And I did everything he told me to when, when I was in the jungles of Peru, throw me in the jungles of Peru. I'm not Bear Grylls. I'll be dead in 30 minutes. But Chado and I could go all through the jungle without having any clue what we were doing because we were with the Agua Duna Indians. And we just did exactly what they told us. If they said, put your tent there, we put our tent there. They said, don't do that. We didn't do it. Do you see when I came there, honey, I killed a bear. Okay. I don't know anything about bear hunting. If brother Deutscher hadn't been here, I'd have spent the whole week and a half at Tim Horton's eating donuts. I don't have a clue about how to kill a bear. Okay. But here's the point. And this is what's so amazing. Here's a guy who really doesn't know that much. Who's done things that are out of movies. My life has been expanded so tremendously because I submitted to the authority. Brother Kurt said, walk down this way. Do this. Paul, it's dark. You're not going to, I've seen you shoot. You're not going to hit this bear with a bow. It's getting dark. He's going to run. Look at his eyes. Look, he's looking at us. He smells us. He knows there's some nerves. I don't know which bear to shoot. Look the ears. It's farther down. Shoot that one. It's a good bear. Shoot him here. Okay. He did everything but aim the gun. Pull the trigger. Okay. I killed a bear. But see how marvelous that is. Don't you see young people and even you guys, all of us, we think that if we submit to authority, it's going to limit our life. You submit to authority and you start doing all kinds of things you could have never done. Isn't that amazing? I mean, that's amazing. So you're this just normal person that gets to live like you're inside of some kind of adventure movie, even though you don't really have a clue what's going on. You just obey the person beside you who does. That's one of the most wonderful truths that God has ever taught me. And I just wish that people would grab a hold of it. Because people say, I hear about some guy, I almost got on this really crazy airplane. It wasn't even an airplane. It was like this little pod with a propeller on it and go up and look at the Himalayas. Because this guy was an expert at doing it. And he said he would take me. I mean, just you see, I've ridden an elephant. I don't know how to drive an elephant. The guy said, kick here, kick him behind the ear. It's just young people. It's that way. It's the same way in Scripture. God says, just believe me on this. Look, this is your marriage. Now look, I'm the expert. All right, this happened here. Just just do this. Just take this next step. No, don't go over there. I know that's what you want to do. But that's stupid. Don't do that. You're going to kill yourself. Look, I'm the expert. Come over here and do this. And I mean, even if I've got to look greenhorn, or even if it's sometimes someone's got to pull me up by my collar and throw me over somewhere else and drop me down like I was a little kid. Still, the fact of the matter is I'm getting to do stuff I never would have done. Exactly. Right. My life would be so constrained and limited. Right. If you submit one to another, it's amazing what he's done. And the different things like most of the guys who work at heart crime, we always laugh that if we didn't have wives, we wouldn't even have drapes. We'd only we'd never we'd never change our sheets. We just wait till one disintegrated. I mean, you know, it just be pitiful. How much you know, all these things. And that's the most that's one of the most wonderful things about marriage and one of the wonderful things about submission. You know, only the person who has submitted to every one of the rules of music and piano can run wild on a piano. I mean, we could run wild on a piano, but just sound like an ape got loose in the music store. But I mean, he knows all the rules, he submits to all of them, and therefore he can just fly like a wild man. And and that's the thing. Now, if you would, if you would like, you know, before I leave, we could meet again because there's there's still there's still I can't even talk. There's still Ephesians five and and first Peter three that are really, really big. Another thing, ladies, there's a sense in which you really are pretty dumb. No, I want to say it in that way. I want to say it in that way. They have to come tomorrow night. Yeah. But here's why I want to say it. You have no idea how much power you have over your husband. And yet, instead of doing the right thing to exercise that power, you do the wrong thing. You have no power whatsoever. When your husband acts like an ass, and you join him and act like just as big an ass as him. You have no power over him. When he acts like an ass, and you act like a godly woman, gracious and forgiving, with a quiet, gentle spirit. You will bring him to repentance so quick, it is unbelievable. And, and with a kind and gentle spirit, you can have him eating out of your hand. But you fight, you come up and you join the ranks of men. And you fight fire with fire. And when you do, you become totally impotent in your power over your husband. And that, you know, I don't know, I'm not a woman, so I can't say if the same is true. But I can say that when my wife has not responded in kind, it has literally eaten hot coals on my head and brought me under such conviction. Or when she, you know, I mean, there comes a point where it's no longer, it's not really so much physical beauty, it's not so much this or that. It is this spirit, this gracious gentleness, and it will literally, it can make your husband eat, eat right out of your hand. It's just true. My wife is feisty. I always think back to the time when fighting, she cried, shaking to the core. She'll be like a lilac. That's the response. But when she joins the ranks of men and acts like a man and sets her chin and starts to fight, you know, what's amazing is during the war in Peru, it was a well known fact among the army, among the para army, like the, like the police, that if you had to run into a group of terrorists, you wanted to run into the men, the men terrorists. You did not want to run into the, you know, a regiment either run by a woman or that had a lot of women in it, because they would, they would not just kill you, they would torture you. They would, they would, they'd open you up and let your intestines pour out on the ground. And you say, what's that have to do with anything? It's the same way if you look at woman preachers in time, they become more bold and brash and angry and yelling more than men. And I think what the thing is, it's the same thing in marriage. There is a sense in which men are made to be more brute. They are less sensitive. There are fighters. There are all these things. A woman is not meant for war. She's not meant for killing and all these different brutal things that men sometimes have to do. When she steps out of her created order and she joins the ranks of men, she becomes much more vile than the men ever would become. It's a judgment of God. When a woman is confronted with her husband or disagreeing with her husband, when her husband acts like a fighter and a brute, he's in sin. But, but that is something also of what he is. He is more brute. He is a fighter. When that wife, who in the created order was never called to participate in that kind of thing, comes up and matches him toe for toe, the ugliness of it is exceeding. It is great. It even surpasses that of her husband. And that's why it makes the battle even more brutal. But when she remains with this gentle and quiet spirit and submissive, it kills this brute. It kills him. It shames him and causes him to repent. I mean, I've just seen it a million times, a million times. Again, guys, I want you to know these things that I'm telling you, and sometimes I tell my wife, sometimes I tell her, look, I'm not teaching on marriage anymore. I'm just not. And I said, because, you know, there's times I fail so much. And she always tells me, she says, look, you don't teach this because you do it perfectly. You need to teach it because it's true. And you need to teach it because God seems to have given you a gift to be able to take even your experiences and expose the same problems in the lives of men who are hearing you. And, and wives. So that's why I'm teaching it. But don't guys don't think, man, you know, this guy and women don't think, man, I wish my husband was like Paul Washer, because you don't know what you're wishing for. I'm teaching this just because it's true. Now I'm also not giving you an excuse. I'm not like the preacher who says gluttony is a sin and then laughs about how many donuts he eats. I hate when that happens. This is something I'm striving for. This is something I am making progress in. Something I do believe in. And you need to too. Don't blow this off as well. Even the teacher said he doesn't do this all that great. Don't do it that way. Because Paul said a teacher can teach men the right thing and then he himself can be disqualified if he doesn't obey the things the Lord has taught him. So this is important. Very important. And when we start back next time, we'll talk about Ephesians and hopefully also get to the disciplining of children. How to discipline children. Let me recommend a really good book though. It's from Lou Priolo. I don't know if you've ever heard of Lou Priolo. It's my favorite all-time book on teaching children, disciplining children. It's called Teach Them Diligently. And what I love about it, it's only like this thick paperback, so it's almost like a manual. And what he does is, you know, in 2 Timothy chapter 3, where it says to teach, rebuke, correct, and train using the Word of God. And he's like, so why aren't we using the same method with our children? You teach your children the Word of God. That means when I give them a command, it's not so much, Daddy said so, as Daddy is relaying to you what God told you and Daddy. So it's teach them the Word of God. When they mess up, rebuke them with the Word of God. Then not only tell them they did wrong with the Word of God, correct them with the Word of God. Tell them what the Word of God said to do. Because something very important in true piety, the Bible never tells you to stop doing something without telling you to start doing something else. It always replaces a vice with a virtue. Do not lie, speak the truth. You see, it's not just saying don't do something, it's saying replace it. So when you correct a child, when you rebuke them and say you were wrong because the Bible says this, you then say, and this now is how you do it. And then you train them. In case I don't get to it, let me just give you an illustration of what that means. When we first moved into our house in Alabama, that was out in the woods, my boys were just so excited. So Evan was outside and Ian come running in the house and he slammed the door. And he went, went in his room, ran back out, slammed the door, came back in, slammed the door. I said, Ian. Now I was angry because I was trying to study. And then right then, I mean, it's like the Lord, this is where I learned this. I'd heard another man in a book speak about it, but I really didn't understand what he was saying. And then this was the illustration that God gave me in order so I'd understand it. I said, Ian, Ian, stop slamming the door. He said, okay, Dad. He turned around and looked at me. He said, okay, Dad. He ran in his room, got a sword or something else he needed for outside, a BB gun or something, ran right past me, opened the door and slammed it. I mean, just slammed it. So I get up and I'm like, man, and I go over there and open the door. And right when I did, God started dealing with me and I realized something. He turned around. He heard me. He even acknowledged me properly and respectfully. He needed to be trained. He didn't need to be spanked. There wasn't rebellion in his eyes. You know the difference, don't you? When a boy rebels, this wasn't rebellion. This was a, at that time, eight-year-old boy who just moved out into woods. But still, I didn't need to leave it at that. So I said, Ian, come here. He came here. I said, I want you to, I'm going to stand here by this door. I want you to put your hand to the doorknob. I want you to open this door. I want you to come through it. I want you to close it without making a sound. And he did. So I said, now, Ian, I want you to do that again. So he went out, out making a sound. I said, now come back in. He did again. I said, that's the way I want you to come in. I'm not kidding you. Ten minutes later, he walks in the house, slams the door. I mean, he did. And I'm like, and he's like, hold it. So I get up. I think I made him do it the first time four times. I made him do it five times. I doubled it. I doubled it. And for several days, I mean, every once in a while he'll forget, but for several days, he'd run to that door going 80 miles an hour. When he got to that door, he looked like that. Remember the $6 million man? He would close. I mean, you see what, you see the difference? If you're not training your children, here's what I'm going to preach. I'm going to preach a sermon on why you should not physically discipline, why you should not spank your children. Now, I believe you should spank your children, but here's my point. It's just like the dad who doesn't invest anything in his daughter. And then when she goes out on a date, you know, opens his chest and gets out his shotgun. What's the same way? A church should not put someone out of the fellowship if they don't do all the other steps first. You who are spiritual restored one that has fallen. It's the same way. If you are not going to teach your children with the Bible, if you are not going to rebuke them with the Bible, if you are not going to correct them with the Bible, and you are not going to train them with the Bible, then don't be spanking them. Now, you should spank them, but all this other stuff should come first. Do you see that? And it will eliminate a whole lot of spankings. That's just like someone says they can't take their, they can't take their three-year-old, their three-year-old won't sit in church. Ian and Evan wouldn't sit in church. So what do we do? Well, most people, they say, you know, they go out publicly, the child doesn't sit in church, and then they want to prove to everybody they spanked. So they spank the child publicly or something, or yank the child out of the service. I'll tell you what you do. You set up a bench in your house, and you say, we're going to church. I got the point with Ian and Evan. I played a game. I got me a spanky spoon from Lowe's. That's two paint sticks that you use to stir, taped together. All right. I said, now Ian and Evan, sit right in front of me, and I don't want to see you take your eyes off of me. And I mean, Ian went, you know, whack, right on his knee. Now what, it was still a game, but it stung a little. And the whole point is, you didn't obey, you didn't understand. And we said, they can sit in church. They can sit in church for two hours. It's a discipline, how to sit still. You see what I'm saying? Well, my little child, I know parents that are slaves to a three-year-old and can no longer go out to eat dinner, because their three-year-old will tear the restaurant apart. You throw a checkered tablecloth on that table at home, you get your spanky spoon out and say, you're going to learn how to go to a restaurant. Now sit there. That's not what we do. You sit there. Now here's the food. Eat it. We can stay here all night. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the easy way, because for me, it's easy either way. You see that? That's training. Nobody does that, do they? Nobody does that. They just say, I can't do this. Train them. Or a lot of them. And always recognize the difference between rebellion and just being a child. Always recognize that. But still, we want to deal with childishness too, right? There's a difference. Like I told Evan yesterday, he was doing something. I took him aside. I said, there is a difference between having fun and foolishness. You just crossed the line. You were acting like a fool. Okay? We use the word fool a lot. Not in a derogatory, just, you're a fool. But we talk about a biblical fool. We're always going through Proverbs. This is a biblical fool. This is a biblical fool. And I can point out, I said, son, that was foolishness. Biblical foolishness. You know, jumping on a trampoline and laughing with all his mind is not foolishness. But to begin that, just do stuff with his face and everything in front of people, that's foolishness. To get attention and things like that, that's foolishness.