Mike Bickle discusses the transformative journey of the Apostle John, emphasizing his evolution from a 'son of thunder' marked by pride to the 'apostle of love' through encounters with God's heart. Bickle highlights the common struggles of believers today, such as burnout and spiritual dullness, and stresses the importance of having a kingdom mindset to experience spiritual renewal. He illustrates how John's identity as the 'disciple whom Jesus loved' reflects a deep understanding of God's love and the necessity of leaning into that love for spiritual growth. The sermon encourages believers to prioritize their relationship with God as their primary reward, rather than secondary blessings, and to boldly seek the secrets of God's heart.

Father, we come before you in the name of Jesus, and we ask you, Abba, to shine the light of your countenance upon our heart, to strengthen our spirit. We ask you for impartation. We thank you in Jesus' name. Amen. This morning, I'm going to share about the life of the Apostle John. I shared this, some of this, a little bit about half of this, Friday night at the Encounter God Service, but I want to share it to the larger body here as we're preparing for this heightened, the season of heightened focus upon the Lord, this 40 days. My premise is that many believers today, very common testimony of many believers, are burnt out, they're disillusioned, and they're spiritually, they feel spiritual dullness. Very common, and they're very, they're sincere, they've been seeking the Lord. And of course the question is, how is it that you can sincerely seek the Lord, have a biblical vision, biblical ideas, have a sense of promise from the Lord, and yet still end up so many burned out, disillusioned, and spiritually dull? And the reason is, because they're seeking the biblical vision, all the good things, but with a wrong mindset. They don't have a kingdom mindset. It's very common to do that. So many today are therefore in desperate need of spiritual renewal. I'm talking about sincere, on fire believers in need, desperate need of spiritual renewal. Well the good news is the renewal is, is within the reach of everyone. Everyone can be renewed, but we have to do it God's way. And we all know God's way. It's not so much a issue of knowing what to do. It's losing sight of it. It's losing focus on God's way, and the need to be reminded and to realign to things that we already know. Today I want to give a quick overview of John the Apostle's life, and the journey that he went on in terms of his own personal transformation, because in John's story we find our own story. And as we look at John's story, I believe it will give us encouragement and a sense of focus to go forward. Well John's story begins as a young man. He's about 20 years old, and the Lord prophesies over him from Mark 3, verse 17. And the Lord calls him a son of thunder. Mark 3, verse 17 is a well-known passage. And this prophecy that the Lord gave him, this name son of thunder, had two applications. One positive, one negative. The negative application, he was telling John, I can see by the Holy Spirit your personality, and you have a thunderous personality that needs to be changed. Most of us can relate to that. Most of us in one way or another have the thunder of our own personality. Some people it's ambition. I mean everybody's got a little ambition. Some really that's an issue. Others it's rejection. They have such a heavy spirit of rejection. They love God, but the rejection thunders in their spirit. Others of them it's anger. They have just, just a stronghold of bitterness. They love the Lord. They're going hard after God. Others it's fear. Some of them it's just they have a hyper personality and they can't settle down to seek God. Though they love God and they want to seek Him, they just can't quite get around to it. Others it's addictions that are thundering in their life. Well that's the negative application. Well John had the thunder of pride. As a young man he was clearly among the twelve. He was the apostle, the young apostle of pride. And that's going to come out real clear in, in the testimony of the Gospels. But church history calls him, names him the apostle of love. So how does the young apostle of pride become the old tender apostle of love? And it's the fact that God thundered from his heart in a way that changed John's heart. The thunder of God's heart transformed John. So he called him a son of thunder. He's saying you have the thunder of your own heart right now. We got to see that changed. But you're going to encounter the thunder of my heart and that will transform you. And then your ministry will flow out of that thunder of encounter of how I feel about you and what I'm saying about history. Because John would be the apostle of love, the one that spoke of the thunder of God's heart. God, John reveals God's heart and his emotion in the New Testament like David did in the Old Testament. But John wasn't only, the thunder of God's heart was not only about God's desire. It was also about God's plans for the history of the human race and the thunder of God was made manifest in the book of Revelation. God gave John the revelation, the book of Revelation that God was going to thunder into, into human history in the generation the Lord would return. And that he would have a particular role in that. So he's a, he's an apostle of thunder of sorts in the revelation of God's heart and the communication of the end time message and in several other ways as well. Well John at the end of his life, he has a very significant verse in John 21 verse 20 that I want you to look at. And in John 21 verse 20, it's a very significant verse that John gives revelation of his own heart. And in that one verse we find a keys as to John's process of transformation. I call that verse John's signature verse. Because the gospel of John most scholars say was written, John was in his 90s. Most would say he even wrote it after the book of Revelation. He wrote both of those books in his 90s. The end of his ministry. But at the end of the gospel of John, when the, all of his five books, the three epistles of John, first, second, third John, the book of Revelation, the gospel of John, they're written. He gives his signature statement in John 21 20. But that signature statement over his ministry and his works, his written works, is also the key, the insight to how John lived, and how John carried his heart, and how he saw himself, and how he operated in the Holy Spirit. And in this signature verse, John 21 verse 20, says Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following, whom also had leaned upon his breast at the last supper, and this is the one who said, Lord, who is the one that betrays you? Now John is talking about himself. He's, when he refers to himself, he calls himself the disciple whom Jesus loved. Now if one of the other apostles would have been writing this, they would have written, Peter and I said this. But John doesn't say Peter and I. He says, Peter and the one that God loves, the one that leans on God's heart, and the one that asks for God's secrets, that's the one I'm talking about. That's who Peter saw. I mean, pretty elaborate self-description. He describes himself in three ways. As the one that God loves, as the one that leans on God's heart, and on the, as the one that God gave his secrets to. Now if somebody came up and said, hi, what's your name? I'm the one that God loves, that leans on, leans on his heart. And the one God tells his secrets to, you'd be a little bit something. You might be inspired. You might be amused. You might be confused. Who knows what you might be? But anyway, that's how John presented himself. But it wasn't how he greeted people. It was his signature statement of his five, of his whole ministry and his five books. Now before we go and talk more about John, I want to create a, set the context. And I want to go back to Abraham, Genesis 15 verse 1, for just a moment. And it has to do with the way we view the, the rewards that God gives us. And you could divide the way God gives us rewards. I'm in paragraph D for the PowerPoint. You could divide how God gives his rewards in two broad categories. He gives, it's what I call the primary reward. And that's the Lord Himself. He is our primary reward. And then there's the secondary rewards. Now the secondary rewards are very important. They would be the, in the, the blessing of God on our ministry, on our finances, on our relationships, etc. The primary rewards, I mean the secondary rewards is what most people think about when they're contending for the vision of God for their life. They're saying God has promised me things. And if you ask people what God's promised them, mostly they'll tell you about the secondary rewards. Something to do with money. Something to do with the, the influence of their, the anointing on their ministry. Something to do with favor and relationships in some way. And those rewards are important. They're an important part of our relationship with God. They're not unimportant at all. They're very significant. But in paragraph E, Genesis 15 verse 1, when the Lord establishes Abraham as the father of the faith, the very beginning He makes Abraham a model of how to walk by faith. And in this very beginning of redemptive history, Abraham is to be a model of how, how it is that we walk by faith. And John exemplifies this second to no one. John's story is a, is a walking out of this revelation that God gave Abraham. That's why I'm putting this as part of the, of the teaching here. So the Lord, Genesis 15 verse 1, the Word of the Lord came to Abraham in a vision. And He said, don't be afraid Abraham. I'm your shield. I am your exceeding great reward. Now the Lord had given Abraham a series of, of promises. Genesis 12, Genesis 17, other places. He promised Abraham great wealth. He promised Abraham world impact. He promised Abraham a place of honor in history and many other things. But in the context of these secondary rewards, which are very important, not unimportant at all, the Lord says, I want you to know Abraham, that though you will be wealthy, you will be honored in history and you will change history. You'll make an impact on the whole world. I want you to know this. I myself am your exceeding great reward. I am your primary reward. Not these things. It's a foundational truth that John the Apostle would walk out second to no one. King David laid hold of this reality as well. Paragraph F. Now for Jesus to be our exceeding great reward, or we could say our primary reward, involves several things. Number one, that Jesus would fascinate our spirit with the revelation of his own heart. That Jesus would fascinate our spirit. Now this isn't just a nice IHOP phrase. A lot of people say that. I want to be fascinated by the Lord. This is a living reality for every believer if they want. Now most believers never live with Jesus this way. Because they don't press into him and they don't sustain this right biblical mindset. But the Lord being our reward references him fascinating our heart, tenderizing our heart where we can feel and experience his heart. Beloved, I want to feel what he feels about me. It's not enough that God feels tender towards me. I want to feel what he feels about me. That's what makes life really different. And that's part of the Lord being our reward in this age. Top of page two. Paragraph I. For those that have the notes, and of course you can get the notes on the internet or you can get them on the way out if you want them. There's a tension in our secondary rewards. And the tension, the several tensions, tension number one is when the secondary rewards are delayed in timing. In other words the Lord's given us many promises as a spiritual family about revival, manifestations of the Spirit and, and many things. And those rewards, those promises are real. But there's a delay factor in most promises. Whether it's the economic breakthrough, the breakthrough in ministry, the breakthrough in the honor and relationships, many different types. There's a, a delay often when God promises something. And it's what happens in the delay that causes many sincere believers to end up disillusioned. The next tension in the promise, in the secondary rewards is the cycle of blessing. The cycle of blessing. Meaning when the Lord even releases the breakthrough, often God promises a breakthrough for ministry of, of His presence on the ministry. Usually that ministry will have a manifestation of the Lord's authority and presence for a few years and then it lifts for a season. It ebbs and flows. It goes in cycles. Julie Meyer calls it the fairest will of favor, where the favor of the Lord is everything we touch seems to work. And then the next season it seems like everything we touch breaks. Same guy, same gal. They're living with the Lord the same way. It's just there's cycles in the blessing of God, in the rewards of God. Jesus called those cycles being pruned. He said every branch will be pruned. There are seasons where the blessing increases and on a righteous person the blessing diminishes so that the branches, the vine is pruned so it bears more fruit later. Now the problem is that if Jesus is not our primary reward, if He's not our main reward, if He's not our main reward, but if our secondary rewards are primary to us, the, the, the main dream of our heart is our ministry having, being established and a breakthrough in that or finances or relationships or whatever. If that's the main dream of our heart, is our secondary rewards, then we're going to be in trouble if there's a time delay. We're going to be tempted with disillusionment and anger and bitterness, burnout. Or in the cycle of blessing when the, when the, when the, when the blessing of the Lord is lifted for a season, not because of God's displeasure, just because He prunes every, every branch in His vineyard. Well if the Lord is our primary reward and we are enjoying Him, our heart is, has an element of fascination with Him and a tenderizing. We feel a little what He feels towards us. Our heart is strengthened even when the secondary rewards ebb and flow or they're delayed. But if we don't have the primary reward operating in our life, this connection with the Lord, while we're waiting for the secondary rewards, or if the secondary rewards are in a cycle of blessing where there's a time of, of, of, of, of, of a lesser blessing, then we don't, our heart has nothing to fall back on. So the Lord set the genetic code, so to speak, with Abraham, the father of faith. And He said, now if you're going to follow the faith in the right way, you have to understand, even when you operate by faith for blessing, I am your exceeding great reward in the faith walk. And when the blessings become your main reward, you will have trouble at the heart level. Well David exemplified what God revealed to Abraham and then John did as well. Roman numeral three. Now at the end of John's life, paragraph eight, Roman numeral two. At the end of John's life, he was about 90 years old. That's when he wrote the Gospel of John. That's when he wrote the, the book of Revelation. This is about 70 years after God called him a son of thunder. His son of thunder journey began when he was about 20. When God called him a son of thunder, it marked his spirit to be one. And in that son of thunder prophecy was, you're a, your own heart is thundering, but when you encounter the thunder of God's heart, you will be transformed into a son of thunder in the spirit, not just a son of thunder in the flesh. So here it is, 70 years later. John's in his 90s. And he's been, he's been living in this revelation that God gave Abraham of how to really walk the walk of faith. Jesus is our primary reward. All the other things are the secondary rewards. John even said that in third John verse two. He goes, I pray you'd prosper and everything like God told Abraham, but only as your soul prospers. Only as you interact with the Lord. Now here in John 21 verse 20, John's signature verse. It's very significant where God, John reveals more about his heart in this one verse than any other passage in the Bible. We find more about John here than any other one passage in the Bible. One verse. John, paragraph one. John wanted to be known in history, because he's in his 90s. He's writing it. This is it. He's signing his name to the gospel. He's saying, I want to be known in history by how I relate to Jesus, not what I accomplished before men. Most men want to be known in history by what they accomplished before men. Jesus, John said, no, no. I'm not, I'm not writing my who, what I've done. My resume is not what I accomplished before men. It's who I was before God. How I related to Him. Paragraph B. John's resume would have been second to nobody's in history. I mean, there's nobody that I know of that has a greater resume than John the Apostle. Think about it. He knew the most prominent, he was in close friendship with the most prominent leaders of the first century. I mean, some through history talk about having a vision of Mary. Mary lived in John's house for decades. I mean, he was as close to Mary as anybody. It's possible that Mary lived with John longer than Mary lived with Jesus. Talking about knowing the Mother Mary. John did. John knew the Apostle Peter very well. All the Apostles. He knew Paul very well. John had a significant role in the great revivals in the book of Acts. Can you imagine being the one that was at the very point of the era with Peter of the great Jerusalem revival and the other ones as well? I have a little bit on the handout, some of the revivals and the Bible verses. Well it's beyond, it goes beyond that. John wrote five books of the Bible. How many guys have written five books of the Bible? Not very many. Moses did. Paul did. That's about it. Five books of the Bible. Well, Jesus told John, hey John, in the age to come you, I guarantee you will have a throne in Jerusalem, I mean in the, in the Israel. How many guys know from Jesus's lips they will have a throne in the nation of Israel to rule? I mean, you might have written off Peter and the disciple with a throne in Israel followed after Peter. John, when he was receiving the revelation, the book of Revelation, amazing. God's showing him, the angel is showing John the foundation stones of the new Jerusalem. These glorious stones adorned with jewels. 1,500 mile wide city. Wow! This city of shining like a diamond, jasper-like glory. Wow! Look at these glorious foundations. Those, they are big, adorned with jewels. One of them had John. Oh my, my name is on the, oh my goodness. Could you imagine? You knew Peter, Paul and Mary wrote five books of the Bible, thrown in Israel, the millennial kingdom, name on a foundation stone. How would you sign off? What would your signature be? If John would have been a, in the charismatic movement of today, those things would have been all over the internet with prophets backing it up, adding a little bit to the truth. Testimony after testimony, projected pictures of what the throne would look like, how big his name was written, the kind of jewels his name would be inscribed with. John said, here's who I am. I'm the guy Jesus loves. I lean on his heart and I ask him for his secrets. That's who I am. That's who I am. That's what I do. That's how I want to be known because that's how I see myself. John had so much more about himself he could have said. Let's go to the top of page three, Roman numeral three. We'll look at the first of these three. Just each of them we'll look at real brief. We'll spend more time on the first one. The disciple whom Jesus loved. What a statement. John refers to himself five times in the Gospel of John. And every time he refers to himself he never said I or John. He always called himself the disciple whom the Lord loves. Where does this come from? What, what nerve? It's simply how he saw himself. But the good news is we can see ourselves that way too if we want to. We have every right from God's point of view to claim that same ground that John claimed. The problem is most people don't take that ground. They let it go. John says it's not me. I'm going for it. This was one of the most powerful parts of his transformation, of parts of his journey of transformation, was the revelation of how God loved him. That's the one he mentions five times. The other ones are mentioned twice. The other of these three statements, the fact that he leaned on the Lord's heart and he received the Lord's secret, those are mentioned twice. But this idea that Jesus loved him is mentioned five times. He describes himself this way five times. This is part of our primary reward, our Jesus being our exceeding great reward. We could feel what he feels about us. Beloved, do you know how different life is when we feel what he feels about us? Even a little bit. Well Jesus made two of the most thunderous statements in human history, in the Gospel of John, and John wrote them both down. Now these are thunderous statements. These are lightning strikes from God's heart, the thunder of God's heart striking, breaking in upon the earth. John picked them up and made them part of his own story. We can pick these up and make them part of our own story. Jesus, John is recording the prayer of Jesus in John 17 23. Jesus praying that the world may know to the Father, the world may know, Father, that you have loved the body of Christ in the same way that you love me. Beloved, this is thunder from the heart of God. What? The angels must have said, what? That God has the same intensity of feeling for members of the body of Christ that he has for the Son of God? That God feels the same about you and me that God feels about Jesus? Is this conceivable? Is this even possible? Jesus said, Father, one day it will be displayed in common knowledge. You feel about them in the same intensity that you feel about me. The angels must have shuddered. This is the thunder of God's heart breaking in. This moves John. John's the only one who recorded this of the four Gospels. I wonder why the other three Gospels did not record this. This is the most thunderous statement I can imagine. That God loves us the way God loves God. This is inconceivable in the natural mind. Well Jesus said, it's not only the Father feels that way, I feel that way too. Look at John 15 9. This is the other thunder, the thunder of God's heart that transforms John. John makes this a part of his own story and so can you and I. He said, as the Father loves me and the same intensity that the Father loves me, I love you. Not only does the Father love you in the intensity he loves me, I love you in the intensity that the Father loves me. Take a while to think on that. Beloved, this passage gives us the right, every one of us in the body of Christ, to claim that we are God's favorite. If God likes me as much as he likes Jesus, I am God's favorite. Because in his infinite capacity of love, his love is not remotely diminished for you because he has love for somebody else. His love is not diminished at all. God is the only one that can have all of his people be his favorite ones. I remember when the Lord first stirred my heart on this passage some years ago. I begin to say, and I've said it many, many, many times, and I want to challenge you to say this. I love to come before the Lord and say, Lord, behold, your beloved, your favorite one, here I am. It's me again, and smile. I'm for real. That's cute, but I'm not being cute. I'm being for real. Many believers would not dare utter such words, but those words uttered regularly will break a power of rejection and condemnation off their spirit. Many people couldn't, can't say that. It's just, it's outrageous. Well, what does this verse mean? God loves you the way God loves God. Well, yes, and they'll figure some way out of what that verse means to reduce it. This verse will change your life. This verse is the thunder of God breaking into your spirit, if you will let it. Paragraph C. Now, lest you think that Jesus was being overly positive, he said to them several hours later, paragraph C, he goes, all of you will stumble tonight. When he said, I love you in the intensity the Father loves me, he said, I want you to know, I know who I'm talking to. I'm talking to a group of 20-year-old young men that have unsettled issues. Most of the apostles were about 18 to 22. That's what history estimates. It says you're, it's a group of young men with unsettled issues. I'm sincere, very sincere. But they had, and John's biggest issue was his pride. We'll see that in a minute. Others had other issues. So this apostle of pride is going to be transformed into an apostle of love. And this is like a lightning strike or a thunder of God's heart, this statement that I love you in the way that God loves God. We need to make this our confession. We need to stand with this kind of confidence before the Lord in boldness. Paragraph G. When we know the King of Kings feels this way, when we feel it. I mean, we need to know it, but when we feel it. Beloved, you become untouchable. I mean, they may burn your body at the stake. You may be a martyr. Your heart is untouchable. It's unmoved. If you know God feels this way, people may overlook you. Opportunity may pass you by. You may be unduly criticized. You may be misunderstood. But you can live unmoved by the thunder of this revelation. Even in our weakness, even in our weakness, David could confess, the Lord delights in me. Paragraph H. In Psalm 18, David talked about the Lord delighting in him. And this was after 16 months of compromise in the city of Ziklag. He said, the Lord delivered me because He delights in me. Our confession is, behold your beloved, your favorite, your delight is in me. I am my Beloved's. He is mine. Most believers know those verses, but it's not a part of their language with God at the heart level. It's not a part of the language of their heart. They know the verses. They might even preach the verses. But those truths don't become part of their dialogue in their secret history with God. Beloved, we need to stop negotiating with God. We need to accept what He says, like John did. Accept His testimony about us. John did it and this was the key to being a son of thunder in the Spirit. We can tell the Lord, or we can have the assurance, that the Lord knew what He was getting into when He chose you. See, in my early days I said, Lord, when I had all these sins and failures and mistakes all piled up, Lord, I mean, can you believe it? I remember when I was a young man, I said, can you believe it? And so the Lord was going, oh, I'm as shocked as you are, Mike. I'm talking about pride. I actually said that once, Lord, can you believe it? And I didn't even catch how absolutely ridiculous that was. The Lord could have answered. He's so kind. He didn't. Oh, there's a whole lot more where that came from. Trust me. Don't think because you're shocked that God is, when you discover your weakness. He knew what He was getting into when He chose you. He knew it. You didn't know it, but He knew it. Top of page four, Roman numeral four. Go to the next confession. John was the one who leaned on Jesus' heart. Now John's response to knowing he was loved is that he leaned into the heart of God. He, now he actually leaned on Jesus' heart physically at the Last Supper and on other times as well. But it's speaking of a spiritual reality that was in his heart that after the resurrection, John continued to lean on his heart, on his chest, in the sense of positioning himself to hear, to himself to hear from Jesus' heart. He sat at the feet of Jesus using the language of Mary of Bethany. It says that Mary of Bethany sat at the feet of Jesus to hear His Word. That's what it means to lean into his heart. Today, paragraph B, in an active-oriented body of Christ there's a culture of activism. And I'll tell you, a lot of activity is good. A lot of the activity is Spirit-breathed. And even some of the man-breathed activity is not so bad. I mean, it's better than the stuff they were doing before they got hyper for the Lord. I mean, I'm not against a little overactivity. Because again, that same guy might be doing something way different if he wasn't involved. So I'm, I'm not even critical of the activity culture, the active, the hyper-active culture of the body of Christ. We're wanting to get the Word out. We're wanting to do so. There's a tremendous element of goodness in that. And there's some human flesh in that. And again, it's not so bad. But I'm saying, in that environment it's very hard for a person to settle down in the reality of spending long hours in the presence of God. John was unapologetic about it. John, he wasn't, he wasn't dealing with the Western culture. He was dealing with the culture of heaven. And he knew how the Lord delighted in this. And he, at the end of his life, in his 90s, presented himself as the man who leaned on God's heart continually. He unapologetically gave his best strength to waiting on the Lord, to waiting before the Lord with his Word. Feeding and meditating on the Word in the way Mary did. We don't need to apologize for sitting in his presence long hours, day after day. Again, I appreciate the activity of the kingdom. If there's not activity, the kingdom doesn't go forward. But kingdom activity is different than a paradigm of just activism all the time. To where you nearly have to apologize if you draw back to seek the Lord, or to take some time out and fasting in prayer. Now what's really interesting, paragraph C, about John leaning on Jesus. I love this about John at the Last Supper. He's leaning on Jesus. Now what we'll look at in a moment, I'll just give you a quick snapshot in a moment of what I'm going to abbreviate here. John had just been rebuked three times in a row by Jesus on the way to Jerusalem. Three times in a row. And God, in Luke 9, you can show you the notes in a moment. Three times in a row, on the way to Jerusalem, Jesus has corrected and rebuked John in front of the others. Here's John at the Last Supper. No shame whatsoever. Head on the chest of Jesus. Loving him. Tell me your secrets Jesus. John had such boldness. And I don't believe John had boldness because he had a bold personality. The idea that a guy with a bold personality that transfers over to the Lord is wrong. That's a wrong concept. A guy with a bold personality, I've seen many of them. They come into the kingdom and they have a spirit of condemnation still operating. You're not bold with God because you just have a bold personality. You're bold with God because you have revelation of God's heart. Many bold guys, bold business and, you know, and, and whether in athletics or in market or place or in ministry, bold as a lion. But when they get in the presence of God, they have a condemnation, rejection spirit. So that's not a natural, this is not natural boldness. John's boldness, he had natural boldness, but that's not what's operating. John's boldness came out of his revelation of the tenderness of Jesus' heart for him. Boldness comes out of revelation. This kind of boldness. Can you imagine being rebuked publicly three times in a short period of time and having so much confidence? You're leaning your head upon his chest in this most intense hour at the Last Supper. I like John. I like his boldness because it came by revelation, not by natural temperament. Romans number five. John saw himself as one who lived to receive Jesus' secrets. This is the third aspect of his spiritual identity. He called himself the one who said, Lord who is the one who betrays you? Give me the secret of your heart. Who is the one? Tell me. Now this is not a small thing. I don't want to take a lot of time on it this morning, but this is a huge point. Because at the Last Supper, Judas, nobody thought Judas was the traitor. Judas, his loyalty was so established they gave him the money because they knew that he would not mistreat, he would not mishandle the money at all. Of the 12, he's the one who had the reputation of loyalty to the degree that he could have the money with nobody bothering to worry about it. So you know in the pictures of the Last Supper, Judas always is the one with little horns or you know dark shadow, squinting eyes. Oh that's Judas. They didn't know who the traitor was. They were completely mystified, number one. Number two, this was a heart-wrenching reality to Jesus. Jesus and Judas were truly deep friends. When Judas betrays him in the garden, Jesus said, friend. There was no exaggeration. That was the spirit of truth. You touched my heart, Judas. Psalm 55 talks, verse 12 to 14, I have it in the notes. Psalm 55 talks about the relationship of Jesus and Judas prophetically. They took sweet counsel together in the house of God. They were friends and Jesus was in a very intense moment in his life. One of his dearest friends was betraying him. This wounded Jesus's heart. This was a scandal in the apostolic circle of the highest magnitude. You cannot imagine the scandal this was to them. The most loyal, the one that was trusted or equally loyal to the others for sure, would betray Jesus. There's not possible. Jesus was pained over it even as he was contemplating the cross. Look at John 13, verse 21 to 24. Jesus said, one of you will betray me. There, leaning on Jesus's bosom, one of his disciples, of course John's talking about himself, the one whom Jesus loved. I mean, he does it five times in a row. He says this. Peter motioned to John, hey John, come here. Ask Jesus who it is. We want to know the question of the hours. Who? Who is the one that's disturbing his heart? Who is it? Now Peter, who is outspoken and a little impetuous by nature as seen in his story in the gospel, I mean the way his personality comes out, he is silenced by the intensity of the moment of the Last Supper. When Jesus says, one's betraying me, there is such intensity. They don't really grasp he's going to die. He said it over and over. But the guys, they didn't get it. I mean, when he died, they go, oh my goodness, he died. He said it over and over and over. They did not get that he was going to die. So the intensity of the moment here was the fact that one would betray him. Peter was so struck by it, he wouldn't even speak up. He whispered, John, you're the one, you're the one with boldness to get God's secrets. Go ask him. They knew among the twelve that John would be the one to ask. I mean, it's the only time you ever see Peter silent, except for one other time that I think of. John wanted to know what Jesus was thinking and feeling. Now this takes boldness. Here's why. A lot of people have the devotional posture to lean upon his heart. They'll go long hours. But many people lean on his heart with a spirit of rejection and condemnation. They'll go hours in the Lord's presence, but they don't have the boldness to contend for the secrets of his heart. Lord, it's good enough. I'm just here at your presence. I love you. You love me. Let's leave it alone. Let's leave it there. Lord, forgive me. Forgive me. Most of their dialogue is, forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. Please forgive me. Help me. Forgive me. Forgive me. I love you. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. The Lord says, I will. I will. I will. I have. I have. I have. I have. Forgive me. Forgive me. I love you. Forgive me. You love me. Forgive me. Forgive me. That's most of their dialogue. They go hours at a time. But when those issues get settled, then it moves into, I want deep partnership with you. I want to know the secrets of your heart. I want to know what you're thinking. This is the language of love. I want to know what you feel. It's not only that I'm postured and leaning on you. I have confidence in our relationship. You are going to tell me the deep things of your heart. Open your heart to me as I lean on your heart. That's a whole different level of confidence that Jesus would open his heart while he's leaning on the heart. Many are, again, they're content to lean on his heart, but they don't have the boldness to believe God to open his heart and for them to receive. And the Lord is going to do this. He's got to give the secrets of his heart. Of course, John cried out for the secrets of his heart throughout his life. And you know, John received the ultimate secret, the book of Revelation. Jesus said, you want secrets? Here they are. I mean, John, the whole book of Revelation in his 90s. 70 years believing God for secrets. And I tell you, that man was downloaded with secrets of a magnitude we cannot fully grasp. I want to, I want to go after the secrets of his heart. That's more than leaning on his heart in a devotional posture. I want that too. That's more than knowing he loves me. I want the boldness in my relationship to have deep partnership. I want to feel what he feels and think what he thinks and say what he says. I want to partner with him. But I have to know. I have to know his heart more in a, in a, in a even specific way. We know his heart through his word. But I need the Lord to tell me what's beating on his heart in that hour. That's a partnership dimension of the relationship. Top of page five, Roman numeral six. Let's take a minute here on John's journey of how he, these three rebukes that John, I just want you to see them because as you see these three rebukes, and you can read the details on your own, I'll just abbreviate them, you can begin to see how the thunder of John's heart really needed to be subdued by the thunder of God's heart. But then it gives us hope. If John can become, move from an apostle of pride to an apostle of tender love, beloved, so can you and I. But the message that is going to change us is the fact that he loves us in the way God loves us, the way God loves God. Starts off the journey of John's three rebukes on the way to Jerusalem. Begins in Mark chapter nine. John was preoccupied with preeminence is what's going on. John was preoccupied with his own preeminence over others. That's what was top on his mind. Mark nine, he came to Capernaum and when they finally arrived to the city, Mark nine verse 30, Jesus asked, hey what was it you guys were disputing back on the road? They were all silent. See this is the other time Peter's silent. No one's talking. For they had been disputing who would be greatest. Now it doesn't say John's leading the discussion, but the other passages it's clear who John is the one leading the discussion. So Jesus is walking to Capernaum. He's ahead of them. He looks back. He can see their body language. I mean they're, they're, he can hear the volume of their conversation. The tone. He can't hear the words. He looks over his shoulder and says oh Lord I love those guys. He gets to Capernaum and says okay, you guys were very animated and you're a little bit loud and you went on and on and on. What were you talking about? He was walking a little bit ahead of them. All 12 of them were looking down. Jesus said talk to me. Who would be over the others? Which one of us would be over the other guys? Okay. We understand. Okay now next passage, Mark 10. Now they're on the way to Jerusalem. They've left Capernaum. It's a week later or so. A little bit longer possibly. Now they're on the way to Jerusalem. Jesus begins to tell them what's going to happen. Verse 33. I'm going to be betrayed. They're going to kill me. Then I'm going to rise after the third day. James and John the son of Zebedee said, came to him and Jesus said what do you want? Verse 37. Grant us that we could sit at your right and at your left in your glory in the age to come. Jesus said you don't know what you're asking. Can you, can you drink the cup that I drank? They said yeah. We can drink the cup you drank. Like bad answer. Guys no. You don't have a clue what you're talking about. Verse 41. The other 10 heard it and they are greatly displeased. So what's going on here? Now they're on their way to Jerusalem. They've come Capernaum. John and James his brother bring up the discussion they were debating on the way to Capernaum. Hey Jesus, can we sit at your right and left hand? The other 10 are going, the nerve of these guys. They're right next to Jesus pressing it. Now think of what the request is. The request isn't, will you give me a breakthrough in my ministry? The request boils down to this. Can we be over everyone forever? That's what it is. Can we be over everyone forever? That's what we want. Jesus said that's a big request. Of course then the pride of yeah we can bear anything you can bear Jesus. Like bad answer. Bad answer. Verse 41. The 10 are indignant. You know that if Judas is stirred up because you got a bad spirit, you know you got a bad spirit. I mean even Judas said man I don't like the spirit of that guy. Even Judas was displeased. Look at verse 33. Look at how preoccupied John is with himself. Verse 33. Jesus said when I go to Jerusalem I'll be betrayed and condemned and rise on the third day. I'm going to die. They're going to kill me. John's answer is wow intense. Hey what about my ministry? No, no John. They're going to kill me when I get there. Yeah I know. Ouch. I love you. What about my role? If Jesus dying isn't startling enough, I'm going to be the first human being with a resurrected body. I will come out of the grave with a physical body. Resurrected. Wow intense. What about my ministry though? John pay attention. I'm telling you something really big. Forget you for now. For one minute. John was preoccupied. In paragraph 2. Matthew 20. Now it's a couple days later. Now they're in Jerusalem. The mother of the sons of Zebedee. That's James and John. Jesus can my two boys be at the right and left hand? They're not letting this thing go. Little Jewish mom. Hey can my boys. It's a couple days later. It's not on the road. They're, they're right there in Jerusalem now. This is another event. So on the way to Capernaum, who's the greatest? On the way to Jerusalem, can we be the greatest? At Jerusalem, can my boys be the greatest? Paragraph 3. At the Last Supper, there's John right next to Jesus at his right hand sitting there. I could see them getting the Last Supper organized and Peter comes walking in and there's John's Bible, you know, right next to Jesus. Like what is the deal here? John sent somebody ahead of time to reserve the seat at Jesus' right hand. I could see Peter coming in. You know how these guys are friends. He looked at him and goes, what's the deal with you John? I'm at his right hand. Paragraph B. The next event. So that's the first event. The right hand event. The second event. Very brief. They're on the same journey on the way to Jerusalem. You get all three of these events right in Luke 9. You get them one after the other if you want to read them succinctly. They're one paragraph after the other. John said, Luke 9, verse 49, John said, Master, we saw somebody casting out demons in your name. We stopped him because he's not following us. Jesus said, don't stop him. John goes, oh. Jesus says, John, the, the guy had a demon, right? A demon tormenting him. Yes. And a man frees him from a demon. Yes. You stop the guy so the demon stays in the poor guy. Well, yeah, I guess the demon would have stayed in him if I stopped him. But hey, they're not under our authority. They're not in our team. They're not in our denomination. We don't want them moving in the power of God if they're not under us. Jesus said, so it's better that the demon stays in that guy? Well, I guess, well, I didn't think about it that way. Jesus said, don't ever stop somebody getting a demon out of somebody. Demons are bad. We want demons out of people, not in people. Even if they're not under you, John, we still want people getting set free. So Jesus rebukes John. He, he corrects him. He goes, don't ever stop anybody from liberating somebody. Don't do that. Oh. Next event. I'm at, literally the next event. They're on their way to Jerusalem still. Luke 9 51, verse 52. Jesus took the twelve and sent them out in twos. Six teams of two. They entered the different villages. They go to the village of the Samaritans to prepare. But this one village didn't receive the testimony of these two, of the two apostles. Verse 54. And when the disciples James and John saw this, that this one village said, ah, we don't believe this story of this Jewish carpenter. He's really the king. We don't buy it. That's, that's, uh, we've heard stories like that before. John is so stirred up. He says, can we send fire and just burn the city down? Jesus said, what? He goes, can we send fire from heaven and just burn the city? Verse 55. Jesus rebuked him. He said, John, you don't know what kind of spirit, you got a bad spirit, John. No, no, no, you can't. You have a bad spirit. This is the thunderous John of his own personality, who's going to be transformed into a son of thunder in the Spirit. And you know how he's transformed? By many things, but by the revelation of how God feels about John. Go to Roman New Rules 7, the application. How can we be transformed from a son of thunder in the flesh to a son of thunder in the Spirit? First thing we do is, we need to change the primary dream of our heart from a breakthrough in our ministry, or our finances, or honor, our relationships, and make the primary dream of our heart our relationship with the Lord. And make the secondary rewards secondary. Don't lose sight of them, but make them second. That's first. Then we need to lean on His heart. We need to posture ourself to sit before Him. Then we need to take the testimony that even in our weakness, I am the one that the Lord loves. I am the one the Lord loves. He said it. I believe it. We stop negotiating. We understand that Jesus knew what He was getting when He chose us. We take our stand. I am the one you love. Behold your beloved one, your favorite one. Here I am. You delighted me and therefore I'm going to lean upon your heart. And then we add the next thing. This boldness to believe God for the secrets of His heart. And He'll give them through the Word, mostly through the Word. I'm veiling the Word to us by revelation through dreams, visions. He will tell us what's near and dear to His heart in, in the particular time frames. And that's how I believe that we should posture ourself going into this 40 day. Some of you again will, many of you will fast and different ones in different ways. Some of you I've talked to and are going to be in fasting in really intense ways for 40 days. I know there's quite a few that are going to be doing that. I want to encourage you to go into this fast with the paradigm of John, the mindset of John in these three ways.