In this sermon, the speaker discusses God's judgment on erring Israel and how it led to the disappearance of the Northern Kingdom and the enslavement of the Southern Kingdom. The speaker raises the question of whether parents should oblige their children to leave home because of their sin, drawing parallels to God's long-suffering with Israel and Judah. The sermon emphasizes the importance of discipline and not allowing disruptive behavior in the church, while still showing love and care for the children. The speaker also encourages parents to be like God to their children and to seek transformation through Jesus Christ.

If you wanted me to bring a word of correction, we didn't bathe together at the Mardi Gras outreach. Guys bathe at one time, girls bathe at another. And anyway, that's what it's all about, giving your all to a world. Many times we get intimidated when we see people drinking or smoking or cussing and seems like, well, we're the weirdos. But yet we've got the answer. And they are dying to hear the Word of God come from our mouths. The Bible says creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. They're waiting eagerly for you and I. It's our duty to share the Gospel. Spring Break outreach is coming up April 5th through 12th. We believe that you're going to be involved with us on it. All those who went with us to the Mardi Gras, all those that are involved with us on our weekly outreach called The Great Snatch. And anyone that's never been involved in outreach before, this would be a great boot camp for you to be involved in. We'd love to see you part of it, but we'd like to see you also involved in the spiritual preparation that takes place. Every Wednesday, up to the outreach, we have a special fast day where we're fasting and believing God, tearing down strongholds of the enemy. Down at Spring Break right now, a lot of people are already down there celebrating it. And a lot of them are all worried about this thing called AIDS. And so the world is offering their solution to the thing called AIDS. They've got a little stand set up on the sidewalk down there on the strip in Fort Lauderdale that gives away free condoms. The girls are going around saying, no gloves, no love. They're getting real bold. They're saying, yeah, we're sick. And what they need is an answer that's not some glove, that's not some condom, that's not something that will pacify them, but something that's so radical and His name is Jesus, who will transform them and change them and make them what He wants them to be. And that's what we're going down to do. We're going down to share the love of Jesus Christ. And we'd like you to join us on those fast days. They're listed out in your update this evening. We're going to have a tremendous time as hundreds of people come and join us from out of town. And we're believing for hundreds of our people here and the local assembly to be involved. And yes, adults, that means you too. But the Bible declares that you're first a Christian, then a soul winner, and then whatever your occupation may be. First a Christian, then a soul winner, then a teacher. First a Christian, then a soul winner, then a business administrator. First a Christian, then a soul winner, then a preacher. I run into so many men of God that have said, hey man, I can't go on the streets. I'm told to preach and pray. Well, bless your heart. God's called you to win the lost. God's called every individual to be an evangelist. And I'm tired of people getting tagged as evangelists and all they are is just people that come in and have a pep rally for Jesus. A true evangelist is somebody that goes out and wins souls for the Lord. Well, that's not my message this evening, but it's in my bones, so I wanted to share it with you. Let's have a word of prayer and then I'm going to share with you what I call probably one of the toughest messages and one of the hardest messages for me to preach. And one of the toughest and the hardest for parents and young people to receive. Because the word is very strong in this area. This is not something that's easy to swallow. It's not something that's easy to administer. We're going to be talking tonight not only about how to raise a child, but how to deal with a problem teenager. And we're going to see how committed you are to raising that young person in the ways of the Lord. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, tonight I believe in you. Jesus totally possessed me. Lord, I don't want to be led by some of my preconceived ideas. I want to be led by the Spirit of the Lord. So I yield this piece of clay to you right now. And I ask you to shape me and mold me and make me be what you desire me to be. I yield these lips of clay to be used as the oil for God tonight. And God, I believe as I speak, that I will speak boldly as I ought to speak, and that your Word will give forth as a sword, piercing even the dividing asunder of the soul and the spirit and the joints and the marrow, rightly dividing the world of truth into the lives of every individual that's gathered in this place this evening. I pray, Lord, for radical change to take place in the lives of those that have gathered in this place. And I claim salvation. And I claim deliverance for those that need it. And I pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen and amen. Before I begin, I want to share with you just a couple of things that I would recommend as reading that you might want to pick up. Our bookstore has these already. I'll be making a few quotes from each one of these. These are books that I would highly recommend on the subject of child-rearing and also how to deal with problem situations. The first one is called God the Rod and Your Child's Bod by Larry Tomczak. He's a minister of the gospel, has been for several years, has written many books. One of his recent books is called Divine Appointment. Tremendous brother from Washington, D.C. My favorite book of all, which I'll be quoting from a lot this evening, is a book that's called Parents in Pain by John White. This brother is not only a born-again believer but also is a Christian psychologist and provides some tremendous insights into things that you'll not find covered in any other book on the subject. Parents in Pain by John White. A familiar one, The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson. Too Big to Spank by Jay Kessler. And then, on the very last one, Parents and Teenagers is a very thick book which deals with all types of different things on raising young people today. Not only in raising them, but knowing how to deal with them on the aspect of being a counselor. A tremendous book, valuable insight, tremendous counsel. Not only is Jay Kessler one of the authors, but some 15 to 20 other authors contribute to the work there. And so I'll make this available to you at the end of the service this evening, but we do have these already in the bookstore so that you can be able to pick those up if you would so desire. But tonight we're ministering part two of the message. And in part one of the message, we dealt basically with how to raise, how to train up a younger child. A lot of people say, well why do you, when you deal with young people and you deal with young adults, why do you deal and start out on the subject matter of how to raise a younger child? Well, we dealt primarily with those procedures because of this. And listen very closely. The reason for part one of this message was because 85% of your child's personality will be formed by the time that child is 6 years of age. 85% of your child's personality will be formed by the time that that child reaches 6 years of age. And after 6 years old, all you try to do then is modify the other 15% of their personality. Those first 6 years are critical years. And some of y'all are saying it's too late. They've passed those 6 years. I know that. Some of y'all have younger ones. Some of our young people that have grown with us over the last 5 years are now married and now they're getting ready to have children. They need to hear those things. And not only that, you're going to come in contact with friends and other associations with people, of people that are going to cry out when their child is 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 years of age. And you're going to have to say, begin to apply the measures of discipline now for you will shape 85% of that child's life by the time that they're 6 years of age. God wants you to be a counselor. God wants you to have an answer on how to deal on these subject matters. If you train your child adequately in the first 6 years, you need not fear whom he will choose for his friends when he becomes a teenager. The problem is we let the first 6 years blow by so fast that we miss out on some of the most critical and crucial training areas in their life. Duane, I want you to punch the lights on over the platform and bring me up some more in the monitor. We as parents, and tonight, I'm going to be dealing on both sides on areas where parents have failed, in areas where young people have failed. The reason why I administer this message to the entire family is because if you come to me for counseling, this is exactly what you're going to hear from my lips. That parents like to blame their teenagers. They like to blame their teenagers' behavior on their peers. But this is not always the case. A lot of times this is only an excuse to relieve their own personal guilt. You want to know how to develop a problem child? Some of you all have problem children. I'm going to tell you how they were developed. Listen to these 12 easy steps to make sure you have a problem child. Number one, spoil him. Give him everything he wants, if you can afford it. Number two, make all of his decisions for him. Since you're a lot older and wiser than he is, he might make mistakes and learn from them if you don't. Number three, always bail him out of trouble so he will be like you. Besides, he might harm your reputation if he gets a police record. Never let him suffer the consequences of his own behavior. Number four, never spank your child. Physical punishment is a thing of the past. In fact, spanking is now considered immoral and it's even against the law in Sweden, which just happens to have the highest suicide rate in the entire world. Number five, let your child express himself any way he feels like it. He'll learn from your example how to behave. He doesn't need any discipline. Number six, don't run his life. Let him run yours. Let him manipulate you and play on your guilt if he doesn't get his own way. Number seven, don't enforce the household rules if there are any. That way he'll be able to choose which laws of society he will break when he gets older and he won't fear the consequences since he has never suffered any. Number eight, don't bother him with chores. Do all his chores for him. Then he can be irresponsible when he is older and always blame others when his responsibilities don't get done right. Number nine, be sure to give in when he throws a temper tantrum. He might hit you if you don't. Don't ever cross him when he's angry. Number ten, it will help you if you choose to believe his lies. You may even want to tell a few yourself. Number eleven, criticize others openly and routinely so he will realize that he is better than anyone else. Don't let him associate with those overly religious kids. He's too good for them. Number twelve, give him a big allowance. Don't make him do anything for it. He may get the idea that he'll have to work for a living later on if you make him work for it. If he does anything worthwhile around the house, be sure to pay him richly for each and every good deed. You wouldn't want him to think that a feeling of responsibility is its own reward. You want to develop a problem child? Buy the tape and do those twelve things. Guaranteed results. But yet the Bible says, Whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth. God is your model parent. God is your example. And whoever you love, the Bible declares that you should chasten. God has given you the authority over your child to become the bishop and the overseer of their souls and make sure that they are raised in the ways of the Lord. And loving correction is not easy. It is not simple. It's not something that just comes normally. It's very painful for both parties involved. Turn in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews. The book of Hebrews. And in Hebrews the twelfth chapter, very familiar portion of Scripture on discipline. I want to read to you what it says in verse number eleven. Hebrews chapter twelve and verse number eleven. It says, Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. In short, it's saying no discipline is pleasant at the present. Yet, if you will apply that discipline as hard as it may be, the end result is that it will yield a peaceable fruit of righteousness. You will cause that child to understand what it means to be righteous and live in the ways of the Lord. But it's not easy. The sixth verse of that same chapter says, For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and scourges. You know what that word scourge means? A scourge was a whip with many strings on the end, with pieces of stone and pieces of glass that they used to whip people with. Well, that's used figuratively right here because the Lord doesn't physically beat us. But it says, For whom the Lord loveth, He chastens and scourges every son whom He receives. We can't deal all the time with the spirit of a young man or young woman unless they are willing. But God has called us to inflict pain. Some people say, You're talking about child beating? You're talking about abusing children? No. But whom the father or the mother loves. They chasten that child. And training your child will often, in the very beginning, be forceful, especially if you've never disciplined your child to date. Some parents think, Oh, well, I'm hearing this message. I'm going to go home and instill godly discipline. My child will automatically submit. You got another thought coming, bucko. It may take time before he understands what it means to submit to godly discipline. It may be forceful at first, yet they will learn to submit to God's given authority if it is applied consistently. And if there is to be discipline in your home, it will demand hard work, it will demand exercise, and it will demand that you be consistent. You must exercise your God given authority. You are placed in that home to represent God's authority to your children. And God will anoint you when you step out in the authority in which He's given you. You use your God given authority. You teach obedience, but you cannot control the rate that it's learned. Listen to me. You try to teach that child obedience, but you cannot control the rate at which your child will learn that obedience. And don't get frustrated if it doesn't seem like they don't change overnight. In fact, don't get frustrated if it doesn't look like they've changed over years. And there's some of you parents out there that said, I've spanked my child, but it don't work. I've grounded my child, but it don't work. And you're at the point of giving up. Are you dedicated to that child for life? Jesus is dedicated for you for life. How long did it take before you surrendered your life to Christ? How long were you a rebellious child? Do I dare say 15, 20, 25, 30 years? But yet He was patient. But yet He loved you. But yet He still pronounced judgment upon your sin and you reaped a lot of things that you sowed. But He never gave up. He's committed to you for life. To the day in which you turn your back totally and completely on Him, He is committed to you. To the day that you breathe your last breath, He is committed to you. I challenge you tonight, parents, are you committed to your child enough to pay a price for years on end and go through hell in your household to see them want to Jesus? Now you don't know what you're talking about. You've never had a rebellious child like I've got. No, thank God I don't know what you're talking about yet. But I know what God's Word says. And I know He's the example of the Father. And I know the result of rebellious children years later coming to the foot of the cross. Do you love Him enough? Hebrews 12 verses 5 through 7 it says, And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons. My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him. For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons. But what son is there whom the Father does not chasten? Verse 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate. Or some of your Bibles may say, then you're a bastard and not a son. If you don't instill the discipline of the Lord. Your children should not take lightly your correction. When you speak to them, you listen to what I'm saying because I'm reading some of your mail. When you speak to them, they shouldn't say, You kidding me? You kidding me? You don't mean that. Let me tell you something. Children and that includes young people. You're still a child. You'll always be your mom and dad's child. And you may hate it when you're 30 years old when they say, Come here baby. You're always their child. You're still living at home. You listen to me. Children should obey their parents in three ways. Number one, willingly. They should willfully obey. Just like we choose to obey our father. We will to obey him. Listen to the songs that we sing. I will adore you. I will magnify the Lord. I will greatly rejoice. I will to serve the Lord. You should obey your parents willingly. Number two, completely. Not half-heartedly. God desires you to give your all to your parents. And parents, you should expect that. Don't say, Well, he did half the job. I guess that's okay. No. You're breeding rebellion in them that you're going to pay for dearly at a later date. They should obey you completely. And number three, they should obey you immediately. I've seen more parents fail in this area. You write this next statement down. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Some of y'all ask your children to do something, and they do it when they get good and ready. They are ruling you. You may say, Well, at least they're doing it. No. They are breeding rebellion within themselves. They're saying, I have no respect for your authority over me. You want me to do it now? I don't want to, but I'll do it as soon as I get ready. That's iniquity. God wants that driven out of households. You should follow up your words with action and let your children know that your word is integrity. That's why children are so disobedient and disrespectful today, because nobody speaks with integrity any longer. When they speak, it's not like they mean it. And you will build within those young people the ability to know when you mean it and when you don't. Sure, they might eventually obey, but that breeds rebellion. The Bible declares in Ecclesiastes, the 8th chapter and the 11th verse, listen to this. Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil. If you don't expect them to move, when you say move, you are setting within them and breeding in their heart to do evil. And then what's your next statement? Because they don't obey you immediately. If you don't do it, I'm going to take my belt off and I'm going to bust you. Listen to me. Don't ever threaten your child. It should never ever have to come to that point. Don't ever threaten your child. Threatening a child teaches fear. Disciplining a child teaches respect. A child will respect you when you move immediately. Not like, if you don't do this, they've seen you shake that finger. You've got no integrity in your words. You're not a threat to them. You're not big and bad in front of your friends. I've seen younger parents try to boast in front of other friends about what they're going to do to their kid if they don't do it. And that kid sits there and goes, who are you kidding? You're not going to do nothing. We're in public. You're not going to embarrass yourself and much less you're not going to embarrass me. They might not say that, but they're thinking it. Right? They're thinking it. They know when they can get away with it. And all threats do is just suppress rebellion. And after being suppressed for so long, all of a sudden, an explosion takes place. They hear your threat, they hear your threat, and they hear your threat. And all of a sudden, I ain't taking that anymore. Stop saying that! And that's how come a lot of young people can rise up and point their fingers in their parents' faces and threaten them. Because they know you're not going to do anything. Are you listening? My dad executed judgment upon me speedily. He wasn't born again, but yet he raised me in the ways of the Lord. Many times I heard him walking down that hall with the belt slid through. Many times did a crowd gather outside my window at 5 o'clock to listen as my dad executed judgment upon me speedily. I feared my dad. I respected him. I would never say the word hell. I would never say the word damn in front of him. But yet my sister didn't fear him. And he never did execute judgment upon her speedily. And I'd see my sister many times stand up and cuss my dad out to his face when I would tremble to even say the word hell. Why? Dad didn't execute the discipline upon her the same way he did on me. And she knew she could stand up and dare him and he wouldn't do nothing. Jesus never threatens you! Are you listening? The Bible says, let your yea be yea and your nay be nay. I want to give just a word of advice to you that are raising younger children right now too. Moms, dads, if your child commits an offense, don't say when we get home I'm going to bust you. Or when dad gets home he's going to bust you. Those little kids aren't going to remember. And all of a sudden dad walks in the door, mom goes, she can't believe what the kid did today. He was a terror. In fact I think he's got a demon. I think you need to go deliver his soul from hell. And dad walks down the hall to this little kid that's playing with his Tonka trunk and dad comes in and wails the fire out of him and the kid goes, what did I do? He has forgot what he has done. If your child disobeys you in church, a couple of weeks ago my little girl disobeyed us in church. Teresa said I'm going to discipline her when she gets home. I said, no, do it now. She goes, no, I don't want to do it now. I said, then don't do it. You can refresh their memory but they may not remember the experience the way that they need to remember it. And you need them to be to the point where you're not so proud that you just escort their little rear end to the men's room or the women's room. And no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. In one of the books that I was reading the author made a pretty neat statement about this. He said this. If your pet dog wets on your carpet, do you tell them that he is going to be punished several hours later when your husband gets home? Of course not. You get him with your hand or with the newspaper and put him outside the door. Well, it's just as useless to tell a child his father will spank him several hours later for something that he just did. Are you listening? In Proverbs the 13th chapter, turn with me there. Proverbs 13 and verse number 24. The Bible who says he who spares his rod or he who withdraws discipline hates his son. But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Now I'm reading from the New King Jim version. Disciplines him promptly. If you don't demand respect when a child is young, you won't get any respect or deserve any for that matter when your child gets into their teens. But I want to make another statement that's really radical. Outward obedience is not enough. Just by him obeying you outwardly is not enough. God looks on the heart and so should we. You can tell by the countenance. You can tell by their actions on whether they are obeying you the way the Scripture teaches. If their countenance says, I'm obeying you, then they're not obeying you and discipline needs to be administered. So the Bible says God looks upon the heart, not on the outward appearance of man. And as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. You've got to be sensitive as a parent to correct it completely. Not just outwardly, but also be sensitive to know if he is submitting his spirit to your authority. You should stop all forms of rebellion, whining, pouting, throwing tantrums and slamming doors are all reasons for your child to be disciplined immediately. I'll guarantee you'll nip those things in the bud before they turn into major catastrophes if you'll deal with it in this measure. Some of y'all just shake your head when they slam the door. They go, OK, I'll stay home. Yeah? If they do that, you walk in and say, just now you proved to me that you needed to be disciplined, but now I'm going to discipline you for that rebellious spirit that you just let out. And it'll cause them to think twice before they exercise that again. Are you listening? These are basic things, but I think we can see some of the things in our lives. What about in public? Don't compromise! Don't make excuses! Don't say, well, we're in church, or we're in the grocery store, or things like this. Children will know where they can get over on you. You've got to be the bishop and the overseer of their souls everywhere you go. Anytime that they're at your company. And parenting takes time, it takes practice, and it takes patience. Turn to Luke chapter 21. Luke chapter 21. A portion of Scripture that's often overlooked. Luke chapter 21 verse number 19. You are trying to bring your child's soul into subjection to the Spirit of God. In Luke chapter 21 and verse 19 it says, In your patience possess your souls. In your patience that's why James 1 and 4 says, Let patience have her perfect works. Be patient. I know it doesn't look like there's any outward change. Be patient. Through your patience you will possess their souls. People say it's like World War III man trying to drag my kid to church. I'd rather let him stay home than fight him. You don't care about his soul. You don't care about his soul. You're saying go ahead and rule the house. Go ahead and make your own decision. Go ahead and lord it over me. This is the place they need to be. Well they sit there like a bump in the law. That's what the devil wants you to think. They don't listen. They just act rebellious. Well what are you doing about the rebellion? Okay. He's not rebellious. He's sitting there. But he's not listening. His spirit is awake. His spirit is longing to hear the words of truth. And it's what I call pounding evangelism. It's a way where the spirit of God keeps chipping and chipping and chipping and penetrating and penetrating and penetrating and penetrating till it pours a small hole direct to that heart. And the water of the spirit of God begins to go through that hole and hit the seed that God has given every man called the measure of faith. And that seed begins to be watered. And when a seed gets watered it begins to grow. And it begins to go through that hole and begins to break away all that hardness. And all of a sudden your hard rebellious kid that you had to fight for years to come to church all of a sudden becomes a radical for Jesus Christ. I can show you example after example after example of young people that are sitting in this auditorium tonight that when I first came here I wouldn't have gave ten cents for. They were the terrorists of the youth group. But we believe in discipline here. And we will not allow that child to disrupt the service. And if they disrupt the service we will remove them from the service. Do we care about them? Oh yeah, we'll bring correction afterwards. But I'm not going to stop a service and bring correction. I'm willing to lose one member of my body in order to save the entire body. The word goes forth and it keeps penetrating their lives. And some of your parents have looked at your children you've seen the way that you've raised them and you've felt like complete failures. Well this God He calls us to be to our children what He is to us. In the book Parents in Pain by John White there's a chapter called Relinquishment and this is what it says. It follows that if God's greatest desire for His creatures have not always been fulfilled our desires for our children may not always be fulfilled either. It is better that we aim at being godly parents even though we may fail to produce perfect children. If God is wet over rebellious humanity then we at times may have to grieve over rebellious children. As a child becomes an adult we must be willing to let him or her reap the consequences of headstrong actions even though our own pain may be greater than the child's. The things that I've told you in part one of this message and up to this point in this message are godly principles. But did you know that these principles are the will of the Lord? But yet God's will is not always accomplished. God's not willing for any person to perish yet every day thousands of people enter eternity without Jesus. Doesn't God's word work? Hasn't He been the intercessor for this generation? Yes! God's word didn't return void either. The Bible says if they sow to the flesh they reap corruption. The Bible says if I train my child in the ways of the Lord when he's old he'll not depart from it. It won't depart from him. He'll always know how to be righteous. He'll always know what you're saying is the truth. I've never met a person on the street yet that doesn't believe that God is God and Jesus is Jesus. But I've met them where they wouldn't surrender to me. They say, I don't believe in that stuff! And after a few moments of just hearing the love of Christ, they believe but yet they refuse to adhere to the godly love and discipline of the word of God. God grieves over them. There are going to be times when you're striving to be that godly parent and that's what God desires you to be. But still that child may still not come to the point where they need to be in Christ. You'll hurt but you know you've applied the Scripture to their lives. And you know when you stand before God that you can say, Lord, I raised them in your ways. I did all you called me to do. Now I relinquish them into your hands. Into your charge. Lord, I paid the price even going through hell in my house to the day in which my child left me. And God it hurts! I know how you feel! We're rebellious people now! The Bible says he's a high priest that can be touched with the feelings of our infirmities. He knows how you feel! He says, don't give up! Many of you have looked at your child and said, where did I go wrong? Granted, you may have blown it, but even perfect parenting doesn't guarantee perfect results. Tremendous responsibility rests on the parent to discipline. But tremendous responsibility rests on the child to accept and obey discipline. Parents, another area that I want to just caution you in is beware of falsely accusing your child. Don't just take hearsay and pronounce judgment. God is a just God. He knew the ways of his people. He examined all their ways before he ever pronounced judgment. It just wasn't on hearsay. And being that he is our example in that area, if we hear hearsay, we better check out the validity of it before we execute judgment. Because if you execute discipline without being accurate in the information which you have, you will lose your child. A lot of young people with suspicious parents give up. Parents that go, I know you're lying, aren't you? No, sir, I'm not. I know you are. There's a lying spirit all over you. I saw you hanging with those people. I know you did drugs. No, sir, I didn't. I know you did. Come on, we're going to go take a drive past. You just showed that kid that you don't respect them. If there is evidence to that, check out the evidence. Make sure you are correct in your accusations. God doesn't falsely accuse us. However, parents, let me give you a word of advice. Be aware of what's going on in your child's life. Be aware of the people that they're hanging with. You have a right to assume that things out of the ordinary are going on if they're hanging with the wrong type of people. If they're hanging around the type of people that are constantly doing drugs, that are constantly drinking, that are constantly being involved in sexual activity, you have a right to assume that your child may be sucked into that type of activity. Why? They haven't been saved that wrong to be Mr. Maturity in Christ. Most young people are not to the point where they're strong enough to go into filth by themselves and overcome. Most young people up to 25 years of age are still babes in Christ. They need the strength and support of others before they go into a situation like that or they will be sucked into the same garbage. Parents, let me give you some good counsel from Ephesians 5 and verse 3. It names off a bunch of sins like fornication, a bunch of other things. And then it says, don't even let these things be named among you. Not only should we not be involved in these things, but don't even be kegged with it. The Bible says that bad company will corrupt good character in 1 Corinthians 15 and 33. In Proverbs the 12th chapter, turn with me there, and then I want to share with you a perfect example of this. Proverbs chapter 12, verse 26. It says, the righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray. One time I had a dad call me. I'm going to share two examples right now. And I'm not going to share any names because the incidences cannot tag the people in any way whatsoever. The people may know that I'm talking about them. But believe me, I'm using this as an example to help others. One time this dad called me and he says, I got to talk to you. I got to know what to do. I said, okay, so we made an appointment. And he said, I think my daughter is having sexual relations with her boyfriend. I said, did you catch them in the act? Well, no. I said, well, what leads you to believe that they're involved? Well, he said, I came home one time unannounced. And I knew that they were there at the house. They were in her room. And as I got ready to walk in, they knew I was there. And they jumped from the bed, slammed the door and locked it. I saw the young man didn't have a shirt on. That's all I could see. And for a long time they didn't let me in. And when they let me in, they said, we didn't do anything. He said, I'd like to believe them. I can't say that I actually saw them commit the act. You know, Pastor Mel, I said they should be disciplined. And I'll tell you why. Because they were doing something that could be named as fornication. It looked that way. And God says, don't even let it be named among you. Shun the very appearance of evil. Don't even be caught close to being guilty. So, yeah, you can say, okay, I can't prove that you did. I will take your word. But I am disciplining you upon what it looked like. And those children adhered to it. They didn't like it. Why? No discipline at the present. Just recently I had some parents come to me. They made a phone call over at the house where their daughter was staying and they found out that there was drinking going on there. They got their daughter on the phone. They said, are you drinking? No, sir, I'm not drinking. Well, we're coming over to get you. Why? You don't respect me? You don't trust me? And those parents were really concerned. Did I do the right thing? Did I eliminate respect? Did I eliminate trust? They said, Pastor Mel, did I do the right thing? Yes. It's not that I don't respect you. It's not that I don't trust you. It's not that I don't take your word. But the Bible says, don't be named with those type of people. Don't be caught in secluded places with those type of people. You will be tagged with it and there's a spirit that is causing them to be engaged in that type of activity and that thing can jump on you, sweetheart. And I love you enough to say I'm going to grab you out of the pit of that hell and make you come with me. And you may not like it, but I'm delivering your soul. Are you listening? That's tough discipline and young people don't like that. They want to be trusted. I'm strong enough. Yeah, I thought I was strong enough after I got saved too and I went back in the bars to win the place to Jesus and at the end of the night I was drinking with the best of them. Why? I wasn't strong enough to overcome. And if I had had somebody watching over me, they would have said, no. You're not ready. Stay back. I wouldn't have fell into the garbage again. Are you listening? If it's a habitual sin like lying and stealing and cheating, they give you no choice except to be suspicious. They must prove themselves. Young people come up to me all the time saying, Mel, man, I got saved. I got delivered of drugs. Man, I want to stand up and share my testimony. I go, okay, in six months you may. Yo, what do you mean? I used to be $300 a week habit and God set me free. Well, praise God. In six months, that fruit will show. And I'll know that you've been delivered. But I've seen too many young people and too many adults stand up and give this testimony of the almighty delivering power of Jesus Christ, which I'm not believing in anyway. But when you make that type of stand, how Jesus radically changed you, the devil is going to cause all hell to break loose in your life and you're not strong enough to overcome him yet. And I see more people stand up and say, I've been delivered! And the next day, it tempted, it sucked back in and more damage was done because of that testimony than good. Make them prove themselves that they've been habitual in their lying and their cheating. Make the fruit of their life prove that no longer do they have a lying tongue, but it's brought in subjection to the word of God. Don't give up on your child. You're an overcomer. You're a champion and champions don't give up, they get up. In 1 Samuel chapter 12 and 23 so much stuff to share with you tonight, I hope that you can grasp a lot of it. 1 Samuel chapter 12 and verse number 23 the scripture declares this Moreover, ask from me far be it from me that I should stand against the Lord in seeking to pray for you far be it that I should stand against the Lord in giving up on you but I'll teach you what is the good in the right way That should be our attitude with our children. Another thing you need to be aware of in your home is anger in your home. Be aware of displaced anger. Displaced anger is when you get upset at somebody at the job or you get upset at someone else and you come home and you take it out on your child. Be aware of that you'll ruin your child. What about pressure cooker anger? When you let something build up so long that you explode you'll damage your child. Psychologists will tell you blow out your anger for a short amount of time. Get it over with. Tornadoes last a short amount of time too. Much damage is done. The Bible says to learn to control the anger. Be angry and sin not. What about disappointed expectations? You've had a rough day. You got caught in traffic jams and you come home and you're so tense and you're uptight and you slap your kid around or you tell him, get out of my face, clean the table off, do this, do that. You'll lose respect. And your undisciplined children can be a threat to your marriage. Children can be one of the biggest threats to marriages. And I want you to pay very close attention to what I'm going to share with you now. Because children can either strengthen a marriage or wreck a marriage. They can bring you together or they can blow you apart. Therefore you must agree on discipline in the home and it must be understood. You as a husband-wife team must agree on discipline in the home and it must be understood. Dad can't be one way and Mom can't be the other because then you'll be raising a yo-yo. One second they're up, the next second they get beat. And you're wondering, how come my kid acts like a yo-yo? Because he doesn't know where you stand. Dad says one thing, Mom says another. They don't know what to do. You must agree. Agree on discipline. And if you don't, it's trouble. Because kids will play sides. They're not dumb. Look at them to the left and to the right of you right now. They're not dumb. You may say, you haven't seen the one sit next to me. They're not dumb! And the way that you agree on discipline is to agree on discipline in private. You and your wife go into your room. Or if you're a single parent, you go and you get along with God. And you agree with God and make a pact with God according to His Word that this is what you're going to carry out. If you're a husband and wife and maybe you don't agree about a couple little things, don't have your discussion in front of the kids because the kids will see that weak point in the other individual and they'll attack that point. You agree on it in private, not in front of your children, and after agreeing on it, carry it out. Believe me, your child will give you the chance. Discipline will not work unless you're in agreement. Here's something else. Each parent must establish their own authority. Each parent must establish their own authority. A dad should never say, Do you know what your mother told you to do? A mom should never say, Wait till your dad comes home and he's going to tear you up. That's a failure in authority. Mama must enforce her own authority or she'll only have authority when daddy is around. That child has run over moms for generations because moms have refused to discipline him. Moms have refused to enforce discipline. They go, Well, I've done everything. It doesn't seem like it hurts my kid. Listen, I don't care if it seems like it hurts or not. You walk in obedience to the word of God and you establish your authority in that home. If that child does not submit to your authority, he will because that's the only time that you should say, I've administered discipline and you've rejected it. So therefore now, your dad will administer discipline also. For you have rebelled against me and when you rebel against me, you rebel against him because we are one. I forget the day my mom got mad at me. I sat in a chair and she wailed on me with her hand. I mean, she smacked the fire out of me and I just looked at her and I said, When you're finished, would you let me know? She stopped. She sat down and she said, I want you to tell that to your dad when he comes home. Mom, you can beat me all you want. I'll cry. I'll yell. I will. I'll mourn. I'll groan. Not sad. Next time, guaranteed, would she raise her hand? Mom, please don't. Kids know that. You ever just took off your belt and I mean, they're crying and they're whimpering and you feel sorry for them? They know that they can work on your emotions. Don't let them do it. Even if they're crying and they need discipline and they need punishment, you still administer it. Because if you don't, you'll teach them to cry automatically and nothing happens. And anybody can work emotions. Children do not love parents they can control. They despise them. And love cannot exist without respect. You need to stay consistent and don't use the broken home for an excuse for leniency. I have seen more people that have been divorced and gotten remarried have more problems with the children at home than anything else. Why? The kids say, hey, you can marry that man but that man better not touch me. Listen, kid, you don't have a say so on that man. And mom, if you can't give that man the authority over your children, then you are out of order in the word of God. And there's no way that God can bless that marriage and that marriage will either break up or you'll lose that child. It must be agreed upon before you ever get married to that man or don't get married to him. But you don't understand, that's not his dad. That doesn't matter. When you marry him, you're saying, I want you to be my head. I want to submit to you. Therefore, everything that I have comes under your dominion. Is your child part of you? Bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. And that means that child must submit to the authority of that man and vice versa. Are you listening? See, people don't think those things out. They think they're making this neat little pact and then this kid rules the home and he separates a marriage that could have been of God. Yeah, you blew it the first time and you doubly blew it the second time. And some of y'all are sitting in that mess right now. You're letting your kid dictate to that man, that's their stepdad. He's the authority in that home. He is to rule that home as prophet and priest. He is to bring correction to that home. Is that why you married him? And if it isn't, why didn't you? Repent of why you did. Get it right and bring the thing in divine order. Then you'll see great things happen. Skip over something here. In the last few moments of this message, I want to share what I call the hardest part of this message. There's going to have to be times, parents, when you're going to have to allow your child to face pain. You have to allow them to face pain. They need to realize that there is a price to pay. And as parents, there's going to have to be a time when you stop covering up their problems. The Bible says in Matthew 10 and 26, there's nothing covered that will not be revealed. Your child needs to face some problems sometimes. Many parents get in and let them off the hook. They cover up for their child. Parents don't want it to be known because it may be embarrassing for them. It may be embarrassing for the child. I ask you, what are you more concerned about? Society or your child? The reason why you're embarrassed is because you're scared of what others may think. What man may think. You're looking for the applause of man. You're scared to admit you've got a problem and you need their prayers. You need their help. You need their counsel. You need their encouragement. But no, you try to hide it. The Bible says you need people to bear one another's burdens so that you may be healed. We're so busy trying to cover up things so we can be the super saint in the example. Let me tell you something. As a Christian, you're going to have problems. There's nothing to freak out about. Something to hit your knees about. Get others to believe with you in prayer about so you can begin to overcome that thing. You need to get your pride out of the way and let that child start paying the price for some of the things that he does. He's disobedient in school and he gets expelled. Let him pay that price. What do we do? We have a tendency to go down and pledge for our kid and plead our case for our kid and say what an angel he is at times. Oh, I can't believe he would do such a thing. The time when that child needs to pay a price. I want to read to you from the book, Parents in Pain. Listen very closely. Relinquishment will mean to give up your right to respectability. I use the term respectably loosely, of course. When I hear someone remark, those people are not very respectable. I usually interpret the remark to mean I, the snob, am entitled to adopt a consenting attitude to those people because the finger of the scandal has touched them. There's a juicy bit of gossip I can tell you about them. To put it another way, give up your right to immunity from gossip. May gossip pass you by, but do not cling to your right to escape it. You can more or less control your own actions. You can keep your nose clean, stay out of trouble, and avoid all appearance of evil. It is not so easy to control your children's actions to the same degree. How can you hold up your head when your daughter's pregnancy becomes obvious? Who knows what will they think? If you ask such questions, your perspective has become distorted and your relationship with your daughter will be affected. What is gossip? What is reputation? How much do they really matter? They will not matter a scrap on Judgment Day. Will you shake hands with Mary Magdalene when you meet her? Or will you try not to catch her eye? Would you sit next to the woman taking adultery if she turned up in your church? There's a streak of snobbery in most of us. It is comforting to meet with general approval to our social circles, and our children can ruin our chances, or should I say, can burst our silly aspirations and embarrass us. That is why it is important for us to give up our right to respectability. Give up your right to be immune from gossip. Tell God that though you don't want scandal there, are things more important in life than the praise of men. If your daughter is pregnant, you try to cover it up. What do you want, the praise of men or help from God? If they don't face the situation, they'll never learn. They'll always look to someone else to get them off the hook. There are times when you need to leave that child on the hook. They got on it by themselves. Let them get off. There's a time in my life when I went out and my dad used to all the time get me off the hook. He used to buy my way out of things. But there was a time when I was 15 years of age. Yes, 15 years of age, you can get a license in New Orleans. Not a learner's, but a license. And I had a drinking problem and I went out at 15 years of age and I downed a case of beer. I drank a fifth of vodka and I tried to drive down a pedestrian street. Came close to killing people as I saw them jump in fear for their lives. I ended up in a jail cell that night with 12 tickets upon me. One for DWI. When my dad came to get me in that jail cell, I'll never forget the look on his face. I felt dirty. I knew that I caused pain for him. I fully expected my dad to fight for me. But he said, son, you got to get yourself out of this one. And I looked at him almost in fear. I said, dad, but I don't know what to do. They're going to take my license. They're going to revoke it. I'm in all kinds of trouble. Dad, I don't know what I'm going to do. He said, son, you should have thought about that before. You've got to pay the price now. I went forth. I had to hire my own lawyer. I lost thousands of dollars in court. My insurance went up to $2,000 a year. They revoked my license for a year. But it was at that time when I had to pay that price, I realized where my life was going. And I realized by me running my life that I was faced with disaster. And I realized that there was only one hope and it was in Jesus Christ. And that was the thing that turned my life around. But shortly thereafter, after I paid that price, I paid a price and knelt at the cross. And I gave my life to Jesus. This is a hard way to learn. It's not God's death. But sometimes it's the only way. Don't always bail them out. Let go of your pride and be embarrassed if it has to be done. This is how God deals with us. He's the model parent. He'll let you face the consequences. I want to read to you something else in the book. And listen very closely. It says, The father of the prodigal son let his son go. And God the Father does likewise. He who could coerce our wills refuses to. There's a limit even to his pleading. He does not block the doorway as we try to leave him, flooding us with a thousand arguments. Nor does he pursue us, pestering us with I told you so. He gives us a full dignity of choice. Do not feel guilty about allowing your children to reap what they've sown. For this is how God deals with all of us. He does not enjoy letting us pursue our stubborn way until we live like pigs. But faith is with a choice between giving us the full dignity of personhood with all its attendant risk or enslaving us to involuntary servitude like the beast. He chooses the former. He can make us a little lower than the angels. How could he make us not a little lower than the angels without facing the possibility that we might choose to become a little better than demons? Love says, I will give you the high dignity of choice even though you choose to fling my gift right back at my face. Some of y'all ask the question, should I punish? What's the difference between discipline and punishment? I believe in discipline and punishment. Discipline very simply is the aim of discipline is to train the person being disciplined. Discipline is the means by which that person's behavior may be shaped to please the rest of us and hopefully in a way that betters the person receiving the discipline. An example, if a child has a habit of stealing, discipline will aim to make him honest. Webster says training that develops self-control is what discipline is. The word punish means aims to rectify injustice. The person is guilty of a wrong. They owe a debt and they must pay the price. Pay for the wrong. Webster says to impose the penalty for an offense. In short, discipline teaches, controls something in the life. It focuses on the problem. Punishment carries out justice. A price is paid for the wrong. It focuses on the individual. I want to ask you the question, how will our children ever learn mercy unless it's shown to them? How will they learn that wrong deserves punishment unless they are not only disciplined but punished? How shall we teach them the sinfulness of sin if we treat it as a bad habit we can train them out of? Punishment may not teach a child to stop sinning but it should be given whether it makes the child quit or not. Why? Punishment is not given because it's effective but because justice demands it. Punishment doesn't mean that it's going to be effective in curing the child. Look at our law system today. Look at criminals today. Does everyone that goes to prison and goes through that punishment, do they all come out cured? No! More than half of them return! But yet justice has been done. They paid a price for their sin. Out in California a few years ago they were trying a system that proved to work. They haven't adapted it yet all across the nation but they sentenced, they punished the criminal and then according to their behavior was the length of the sentence. That's discipline. That's training them. Punishment is sentencing them. Punishment and discipline should be worked together. There's a time if your child comes to the point where they're so unruly that they might have to leave home because of the punishment and the discipline that you administer to them. I don't believe there should ever be a point where you cannot handle your child and you've got to kick them out of your home. I believe if discipline is administered in the right way that they will leave home if they don't want to come to it. And in this particular portion that I want to read to you right now I want you to pay close attention to this is called The Punishment of Expulsion from the book Parents in Pain. And please bear with me, I know it's a little lengthy but I want to get this out tonight so we can finish this and it'll just take me just a few more moments. God's judgment on airing Israel, listen to this, eventually meant the disappearance of the Northern Kingdom and the enslavement of the Southern Kingdom for 70 years. If we deal with our children as God dealt with his ancient people, what might be our own sentence on their persistent rebellion? God gives us the dignity of choice. Should parents do the same? Does there come a time when parents should oblige their children to leave the home because of their sin? God was long-suffering with Israel and Judah. He warned, He chastised and during hundreds of years He waited. He had spelled out the details of His covenant with them through Moses even before Israel was a nation. His prophets repeatedly pointed to the covenant as well as to Israel's sin. From time to time, through defeat and war, through famine and disaster, God visited them with discipline. His warnings of their approaching doom eventually became more and more specific. In the end, God allowed His people to reap what they had sown. The Northern Kingdom went into captivity and has disappeared from the face of the earth. Judah also was ravaged and its inhabitants taken from the North from which many years later only a remnant returned home. And people say, that's the Old Testament. Okay. An identical pattern emerges in the New Testament. We see the long- suffering Jesus in the parable of the fig tree in Luke 13, 6-9. Judgment must ultimately come but every opportunity will be given first for repentance. Jesus exemplified this principle in His own attitude to both the individuals and churches. Speaking of the woman Jezebel, Jesus said, I gave her time to repent but she refuses to repent of immorality. Behold, I will throw her on a sick bed. Revelation 2, 21 and 22. Again addressing the church at Sardis, He says, remember then what you received and heard. Keep that and repent. If you are not awake, I will come like a thief. Revelation 3 and 3. God's dealings with His people form a pattern for Christian parents. Like Him, we may eventually have to allow our persistently rebellious children to harvest the consequences of their willfulness. The time can come when we have to withdraw all support from them and oblige them because of their own decisions to leave home. Under what circumstances should so painful a decision be made? What are the guidelines for clearly expelling a rebellious youngster from the house? Parents who are reluctant to take drastic steps should ask themselves, are they too scared? The decision to dismiss children from home should not be made either because it will work or is a matter of expediency. It should be made on the basis of justice. A justice, and justice must consider every side of the problem. Is it morally just to keep children at home when the other family members suffer depravity in one form or another because of them? Are they old enough to care for themselves, that is to hunt for work, provide for themselves food and shelter? Are they of legal age? Have they plenty of warning about what will happen if they continue in the same way? Have the warnings been merely angry threats or serious talks explaining why such a measure should be adopted? Has a deadline be set of which they are well aware? To do so will be painful. If ever you find yourself in that position, beware of sealing your heart in bitterness. The test of godly maturity will be to carry out the sentence combining tenderness with firmness. You need not say the words to your child, but in your heart like Samuel,