In this sermon, the speaker addresses the topic of marriage, starting with courtship and moving on to various aspects of married life. He emphasizes the importance of parents in preparing their children for marriage and blessing them in their search for a spouse. The speaker also warns girls and fathers not to expect perfection in a potential partner, but also not to neglect the word of God in their pursuit of marriage. He urges young men to have a knowledge and application of Scripture, to save for the future, and to lead disciplined lives. The sermon emphasizes the need for seriousness and commitment in order to turn things around in the realm of marriage.

Brother Paul, I'm going to get straight to what needs to be done. I want to cover about four hours of material right now, and I'm going to do it as fast as I can. But I am somewhat, I will be somewhat downcast in this, because I know that many of the things that I'm going to say will not be believed and will be explained away or will be held up as, oh, that's nice, but it's not realistic. Anyway, I'm going to say it. I'm going to talk about marriage, but I'm going to start with courtship and try to work my way through as far as I can go. When you've had enough, someone stand up and shoot me, because that's what it's going to take. And I will keep preaching until the last drop of blood has come out of my body. This is that important. I want to address, there's so many things I'm not going to be able to touch on, such as the parent's job in preparing his son or daughter, their son or daughter, for marriage. It's their job to do that. It's also their responsibility to bless the child, if he's a son, to go out and seek a wife or to bless the daughter, to receive a husband only when they realize that their child meets the biblical, the biblical qualifications. And until then, they should not lay their blessing upon it. And by doing so, they may win the heart of their child, but they will not win the heart of God. And they will cause their child a great deal of damage. First of all, I'm going to go to, I'm going to skip a lot of things and go to the win of courtship for a young man. When should a young man be blessed by his father to begin a relationship with the opposite sex? Now, many of you are not going to believe me, but I'm going to say it anyways. Now, first of all, this young man must be willing to be blessed. And able to separate from his father and mother and form a new family unit. So 15 year olds who want to date, that immediately cuts them off completely. As well as in our culture, 32 year olds that are still dependent upon their parents. So I want you to look, it says in Genesis 2.24, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Now, notice this. It says a man, not a boy. Now, in our culture, we have three categories instead of two. In the Bible, you have boys and you have men. In our culture, you have boys, adolescents and men. But as I've already explained, the idea of adolescence is an evolutionary term, but it's not a biblical term. You see, if I walk up to a group of teenagers, young men, and I say, Hey boys, come here. They get mad at me. But then I ask them, can I call you a man? If I can't call you a man, if you're not a man, then what are you? You are a boy. And that is the lie of adolescence. Adolescence basically makes this allowance. It allows boys to participate in the privileges of men without being willing or able to assume the responsibilities of a man. I do some archery. I'm not very good at it, but I like archery and I shoot a longbow, or I used to. I don't much anymore. But a longbow shoots about half the speed of a compound bow. Because of that, you've got to make up somewhere. And where do you do it? You make up for it in two ways. You shoot a heavier arrow. You also have to be very, very precise about the sharpness of your broadheads. If they're not extremely sharp, they are simply not going to penetrate the animal because they don't have the speed. Well, because of that, the broadheads that we use, I mean, if you can be carrying it and if it hits your leg, it will slice your leg open. And so my little boys who shoot with their little bows, they use field tips. They don't use broadheads. Why? Not because broadheads aren't good. It's because they cannot assume the responsibility of a broadhead. And until they do, they will not have broadheads on their arrows. My dear friend, to let a boy loose into something as marriage, into something as profound as marriage will not only kill him. It'll kill the woman that he's making a relationship with. Everything requires preparation except the greatest event in a human's life outside of salvation, which is marriage. No preparation is required. We just let them go or we give them. This is the most ridiculous part. We tell them that they need to get six weeks of training once a week, go visit the pastor and he's going to teach them something. That's absolutely asinine. It's pathetic. It requires a lifetime of teaching. It is something that a father is to be doing from the moment the child is able to listen to his father, to prepare him for manhood so that he might marry. Now, it says a man must leave his father and mother. The verb leave here is very strong. It's translated from a Hebrew word meaning to leave behind, depart from, forsake, abandon, neglect. It doesn't mean that we're to neglect our parents, but it means that we are able to leave them behind and we are able to stand on our own. That is what a new family unit is. They stand on their own. And then the verb joined is translated from a Hebrew word, which means to cling to, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close. It's that that young man leaves his father and mother and clings to a woman. Now, people have asked me about grandparents. Grandparents can be a great blessing and grandparents can be the greatest of curses. Let me share with you something, grandparents, do not do not. Undermine the authority of the parents, you have no right. It is not your child. You are not the patriarch. When that son of yours. Leaves your family, you may give him wisdom, you may always be a counselor to him, but you do not go around your son to get to your grandchildren to undermine the authority of your son or your daughter in law, because when you do, you become poison. I'm sorry, that's true, and you will want to pamper those grandchildren and in doing so, you will kill them. I'm the only man that a lot of elderly people want to beat up, but, you know, it's true. It's true. I have seen so many grandparents even turn the heart of their grandchildren against their parents. Be their mediators, their go-betweens, their protectors. It's very, very bad. So they join together a new relationship with a spouse is what this young man must desire. Now, this new relationship with a wife, it results in marked changes in every other relationship. Changes with the siblings, best friends, co-workers, even co-workers in the ministry. When you say yes to a woman, young man, when you say yes to a woman, basically you're saying no to everyone else, especially other women. When you say I do to the rest of the women in the world, you are saying I don't. And now that woman is the most important person in your life over your mother. Your mother is not the most important person in your life. You should care for her if she has needs. You should bless her. You should be there for her. You should honor her. Yet at the same time, you are obligated to protect your wife from her. A godly man may have to go even to a godly mother and say, Mom, now listen to me. I will give my life for you. I will bring you into my home. I will do anything that's necessary for you. But when you are in my home, you will respect my authority. And most of all, you will respect the authority of my wife. And if you cannot do that, mother, you are not welcome in my home. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? It's true. It's true. You can be the greatest of blessings. You can be the greatest of poison. This is a new family. It says children obey your parents in the Lord. It does not say adults obey your parents in the Lord. Now, now, children should honor their parents and adults should honor their parents. But when that young man leaves, he has created a new family unit. When that young lady leaves, it is a new family unit. And this is also very important for her. She does not run back to her mom and dad and whine about what she's gotten herself into. Now, if she's married to an abusive husband, things like that, you know that there are times when wise men, especially elders, must step in, things like that. We have no problem with that. But what I'm saying is you've got to realize you have broken off and you are a new family unit. And young man, you become the authority that determines the blessedness or the cursedness of your family. Now, there's a lot of men out there that do not commit adultery, they are faithful in that aspect. They don't have relationships with other women, but they do have relationships with other men that destroy their marriage. Not perverted or homosexual relationships, but friendships. Listen, I don't run with a bunch of boys. I don't have a bunch of buddies. I hang around with. I have a woman. I'm a man. I don't have my buddies, I don't have my hunting buddies, I don't have this, I don't have that. I have friends, I have co-laborers, I have men I work with. But my time when it is free belongs to my wife and my children. So there is a sense in which all my buddies I say no to now. It doesn't mean I can't go out hunting every once in a while or this or that, but I want to tell you something. A man who is truly dedicated to his work, to the things of God, when he has free time, he doesn't have a lot of it. And it needs to go to his wife and his children. So I have to say not only no to other women, I have to say no to other men. Now, when a young man is thinking about courtship or thinking about some woman that he wants to marry, we need to look for important signs of maturity. And if they're not there, the father and the elders should withhold their blessing. Now, let's look at some of these signs of male maturity that need to be there. Now, young men, listen to me. This does not mean that you're able to do these things perfectly, but if there are no signs of maturity, there's no mark of these things in your life, you need to be extremely, you need to back up. The first one is personal, unaided devotion to God. Can you stand on your own without any admonition from father or mother? Can you walk in devotion to God, unaided devotion? You don't need someone else waking you up in the morning to have your quiet time. You don't need someone else to have you pray or to go to church or this or that, because you are going to have to stand on your own by yourself. Can you do that? And a perfect example is King Joash in the Bible. And I want you to look, when he was under a godly authority figure, he walked with God. But when that authority figure was no more in his life, he no longer walked with God. Listen to what the Bible says, 2 Chronicles 24, 1 and 2. Joash was seven years old when he became king and he reigned 40 years in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Zebiah from Beersheba. Joash did what was right in the sight of the Lord all the days of Joida the priest. And he did what was right in the Lord while that priest was over him with authority. 2 Chronicles 24, 17 through 18. But after the death of Joida, the officials of Judah came and bowed down to the king. And the king listened to them. They abandoned the house of the Lord, the God of their fathers, and served the ashram and the idols. So wrath came upon Judah and Jerusalem for this their guilt. And in the end, Joash murders Zechariah, the son of Joida. This is absolutely amazing. Can you stand on your own as a man alone before God? Now, we all recognize we need the church. We all recognize that we need brothers, sisters in Christ. We need encouragement, even parents. But listen, if you cannot stand on your own. Remember what he told Jeremiah, Jeremiah, if you can't run right now with footmen, how are you going to be able to run in the thickets when horsemen are chasing you? If you can't walk with God now under the tutelage of your father and your mother, what makes you think you're going to be able to walk with God when you step outside of that family? You're not coming within 10 miles of my daughter. Now, let's go on. Also, there has to be another sign, devotion to God's purpose in the context of the family. A young man has to see the purpose of marriage. It's not to satisfy lust. It's not just to have a relationship with a girl. It's much greater than that. In Genesis 18, 19, it says, God speaking, for I have chosen him, Abraham, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice so that the Lord may bring upon Abraham what he has spoken about him. He must he must have come to grips with the idea. I am marrying in order to raise up a godly heritage to the Lord. One of the greatest purposes of my marriage is to is is to have children and to dedicate myself to them walking in the commandments of Christ. How many young men get married with that in mind? Or having prepared themselves to actually be able to do it, then he goes on, Joshua, 24, 15, if it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourself today whom you will serve, whether the gods which your father served, which were beyond the river or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. It has to be a young man who says for me and my house. This is the whole reason for my house. This is the reason for my marriage. This is the reason for my life to serve the Lord. This is what we'll do. Now, you say, young man, that's just asking too much of young men. Really, really, I guess each generation, we just need to lower the standard more, raise our level of success by lowering our expectations. I guess that's why Jonathan Edwards graduated from Harvard and gave his valedictorian address in Latin when he was 17 years old, just like all the other students. I guess that's why in the history of my country, 15 year old young men led other men into battle and conquered great armies. Now, 17 year old, 20 year old boys brag about the fact that they scored higher than anyone else in that video game. You want to turn this thing around, you've got to get serious and it's going to cost, it's going to cost. Now, also, the young man must have a knowledge and application of Scripture. He's got to be able from the moment he marries, he's got to be able to lead a wife in the Scriptures. He's got to be able to do that. Now, again, I'm not saying that he has to have the maturity of a 65 year old pastor. Well, he should have the maturity of more than the maturity of some 65 year old pastors, but he's got to be dedicated to this purpose. Deuteronomy 17, 18 through 20, now it shall come a pass when he, the king, sits on the throne of his kingdom. He shall write for himself a copy of this law on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priest. It shall be with him and he shall read it all the days of his life that he may learn to fear the Lord, his God, by carefully observing all the words of this law and these statutes that his heart may not be lifted up above his countrymen and that he may not turn aside from the commandment to the right or the left so that he and his sons may continue long in his kingdom in the midst of Israel. You say this has to do with the king. No, it has to do with authority. He must copy the law of God and read it every day of his life. Why? That he may learn to fear the Lord. Do you want your daughter to marry a man who does not fear God? He may learn to fear the Lord. Now, listen also, that his heart may not be lifted up above his countrymen. A person who has authority, one of the greatest temptations is that his heart be lifted up over the one over whom he has authority, a husband over his wife and children. His heart is lifted up in pride. He uses his authority to serve himself. He abandons his family. He does the things he wants. He doesn't make his wife a priority. He doesn't make his children a priority. And why? Because he doesn't fear the Lord. Why doesn't he fear the Lord? Because the word of God is not in his heart. Another thing, he must have a Christlike character. And this is nowhere greater displayed than in Galatians 5, 22 through 23. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control against such things. There is no law. These at least must be marks, not that they must be perfectly developed because they're not even developed in us who are older men. But my goodness, if he has no sense of what he ought to be like, should we really entrust a daughter to him? Also, moral fortitude. I'm so tired of men saying, but it's difficult to read my Bible. I'm so tired of men going, yeah, but you know, I just don't have the discipline to pray. What on earth have we become? Don't you realize? See, some men believe this. They believe that some men study the Bible because it's just their gift and it's easy for them. Or some men pray because it's just easy to pray. That's what they believe. That is a lie. The men who study the Bible fight to study the Bible. They get up in the morning and they are tired and they do not want to study the Bible. But need drives them. They know it's not an option. They know they will be a monster if they do not study the Word, if they do not pray. When did we come up with this idea that we only do things that are easy and we delay doing them until they become easy? As a man doing the things of God, you must fight for everything. You must fight to get up. You must fight to pray. You must fight to read the Word. My dear man, you must fight to love your wife. Fight against everything that tells you not to. Your fleshly desires, your self-centeredness, even her disobedience screams at you. And you've got to fight to believe God. I will love her. Everything is a fight. What do you think? How do you think we're going to? Where's the rewards going to come if there's no fight? Onward, Christian soldier. We want to be like our little boys that have been playing soldier and war out there all week. Just playing soldier like little boys. I really go out and fight. Moral fortitude. First Corinthians 16, 13. The scriptures are so wise. Look at the wisdom here. Be on the alert. Men, are you on the alert? Are you on the alert for the temptation that's going to come against you? Are you on the alert for your family standing there in the door looking? Are you on the alert with regard to your children watching over them? Are you on the alert watching over your wife? Are you on the alert? He says, be on the alert. Stand firm in the faith. Rock solid. Plant your feet. From here, I will not move. So help me, God. And then he says, act like men. That right there is theological proof that men are different than women. He said, act like a man. Act like a man. And this is what's so neat. He says, be strong and we're not talking about a John Wayne sort of strong or an Arnold Schwarzenegger sort of strong. We're talking about a man who may in himself be very weak, but he is strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. That's just like one of the reasons why I admire Ray Comfort so much. I don't know if any of you know of him. And here's why I admire him. I know him and he is an introvert. I have to pin him in a corner just to talk to him. He's very shy. He's very introvert. He's not and he's about this tall. And yet you see him out on the streets taking on bodybuilders this big and telling them the truth to the point where they want to beat his brains out. I can guarantee he is not strong in Ray Comfort. He is strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Also, this quote from Jeremiah, Moral Fortitude. Listen to this, Jeremiah 12, 5. If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out, then how can you compete with horses? If you fall down in the land of peace, how will you do in the thickets of the Jordan when enemies are on top of you? Young man, that's a good question. Listen, if you are tired in your Christianity and you can't read the Bible and you can't pray and and you can't really be dedicated to God while you have a mother and father watching over you, then how do you think you're going to do it on your own? You'll fall down. If you fall down in the land of peace, how do you think you're going to stand when you're the one who has to go to the front door and answer the enemy? You're a young man, if you have a godly father, he's the one that stands in the front door right now, still protecting you. The moment you think about marriage and you marry, that father's gone. You got your own door and you got to stand there. Let's go on. Another thing, labor and provision. I was talking to Votie Bockham one day and it was amazing what he told me. I mean, it just it was amazing. He said, Paul, after I discussed with a young man about his spiritual character, his walk with Christ and everything else, this is my next question. I said, what? He says, I look at that young man and I say this, do you delight in God honoring labor? Do you delight in working hard? Because if you do not get out of my house, you know, when I was a young boy, standing there with my father and other men of his generation, the World War II generation, you know what they bragged about? They bragged about how hard they worked. Remember that they bragged about, I can outwork you. You don't know nothing about work, outwork you with one arm and one leg tied behind my back. They bragged about how hard they can work. Do you know I hear today men bragging about how hard they don't work and how they can get out of work and how they're not going to work for the man and how they treat their boss and how they're lazy? It makes me want to vomit. And that's the kind of people we have raised. Young man, if you just work because you have to don't come to my house, you are a shame. You must delight in hard work. You were made for hard work. All these men just I'm going to work till I retire. You don't retire. You may set aside from your job after so many years, but it's only because then you become a slave of Christ to work full time for him. Where are the men with calluses on their hands that even they may be doing construction, they may be welding, driving a truck, whatever, but to them they may have a boss that is just one step out of hell, the meanest man on the face of the earth, but they do it unto the Lord and they realize that as they do it unto the Lord, they are pleasing to him and they will be rewarded for their labor. I want a young man's going to work, work. Listen to this. First of all, slothfulness was considered one of the seven deadly sins or cardinal sins or mortal vices, along with gluttony, greed, wrath, envy, pride and other things. We breed slothfulness among our children. Parent, you listen to me. You got a six year old and you're making his bed. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You mothers picking up underwear, your teenage boys, father, you ought to walk in there and whip those boys with their underwear. That is pathetic. It is. Look, I mean, just think for a moment. Come outside of your culture and look at yourself. You're going to allow your wife, your princess, your queen. To be picking up the underwear of some 15 year old, it's not going to happen. Do you see how I know it happens all the time, but just now that I've said it in this ferocious way that I've said it, does it kind of crack a light to you of how pathetic that is? Your wife is making his bed. I'll make his bed. And this guy's going to go get married. Young girls, let me just give you an example. Something really quick. A little bit of advice. You won't listen to me, but at least on the day of judgment, God will be able to say you were told the truth. You look at that young man the way he treats his mom. He'll treat you worse. Young man, you look at the way that girl honors her father. Because she will honor you less. And young man, before you marry, you ask her father that unannounced. He might lead you up to her room when she's not there. And if it's a filthy pigsty, I don't care how beautiful she is. You better run because that's what your house is going to look like and that's what your children are going to look like. Grandparents, grandparents used to talk this way. That was the wisdom that grandparents used to hand down to their children. Hard work and diligence are greatly honored virtues before God. But laziness is a perilous and destructive vice. Here's a question, young man. Are you wise or shameful? Proverbs 10 5. He who gathers in the summer is a son who acts wisely. That's a son who works hard and saves, prepares for the future. But he who sleeps in harvest is a son who acts shamefully. Are you diligent? Proverbs 13 4. The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing. Now, that's not really true today because the parents usually give the slugger everything he wants. The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing. But the soul of the diligent is made fat. Do you follow empty pursuits such as sports and hobbies? Proverbs 28 19. He who tills his land will have plenty of food. But he who follows empty pursuits will have poverty and plenty. Do you love pleasure? Proverbs 21 17. He who loves pleasure will become a poor man. But he who he who loves wine and oil will not become rich, spends his money. I had some young girls one time. A brother was telling me, he said, you know, he's talking to some of the young girls in the church. And they said, there's just nobody to marry. And he said to them, and I've done this now since then, he said to them, well, you know, look, there's several young boys in the church. They're reading their Bibles there. You know, they seem to be godly. They go out witnessing. And the girl said, yeah, but they work part time and then they spend their money on on video games and bicycles and motorcycles and boats, trolling motors. Not one of them is saving money to buy a house. Not one of them is thinking about taking on a bride. They're just little boys running with little boys, even though they read their Bibles. And it goes on, are you saving for your future and your children's future? Proverbs 13 22. A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, and the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous. Do you lead an undisciplined life, young man? Are you disciplined? Do you have a purpose? Have you marked out your days? Do you consider about wasting time? It says this in Second Thessalonians 3 10 through 12, for even when we were with you, we used to give you this order. If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat either. For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now, such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread. You know, I was talking about the men and I that sold lumber up in Illinois where I used to buy my wood. You know what I'm told me one time he said this. Among us, when a child, when a boy is born until he's six years old, he costs his family. He is an expense to his family. Between six and 12, he pays for his own way in the work that he does in his family. And when he's 12 and above, he is a profit, an economic profit to his family. By the work that he does. Look how things have changed, 30 years old, still asking dad for money. Now, let's go on. I know you hate me, but let's go. Do you have the proper motives for your labor? Improper motives. And here's one of the greatest improper motives. Proverbs 23, four through five. Do not weary yourself to gain wealth. Cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings like an eagle that flies towards the heavens. Proper motives for labor to the glory of God. Whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than for men. Colossians 3, 23. To provide for one's family. First Timothy five, eight. But if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Now, I know I'm moving through this quickly, but now I want to give a warning to girls and fathers. Do not expect perfection or you will never marry. At the same time, do not ignore these things, girls. You get carried away by your emotion and you neglect the word of God. You're going to pay for it. And when you come back into my office weeping and crying, I will hurt for you. But there's nothing I can do to help you. There is a sense in which you make your own bed. You have to sleep in it. You know what the sad thing is. I know that many of you will not listen. You will be foolish and you will be drug away by your emotions. And parents, you will be bent by the cries of your children and you will not obey. Now, the when of courtship for a young woman. Now, before we go on to it, let's just look at something. Isn't this so exciting? Let me tell you why. A lot of you have been looking at the disintegration of the family, the disintegration of young couples, divorce and everything else. And you lament because you say there must be no solution. No one has a solution. No one seems to have a solution for any of this. The question is, do you want the solution? It's not going to mean that the world is going to be perfect or there's never going to be problems or anything. But do you see how obeying some of these principles would go a long way in helping people? Do you realize that girls would obey what I just said? How few of them would fall into horrible marriages with horrible men? They would be able to spot this. And isn't it amazing that there was a time when the girl had very little say with regard to who she would marry, that a father would go out and choose her husband. Now, that is wrong. But it is just as wrong. It is just as wrong. Look what we've got now. Prior to this, and I've already said it's wrong, but prior to this, a man would go out. Now, this is a man, let's say he's 45, 50 years old and he's seen it all. Isn't too many young guys going to fool him? He's seen it. He goes out and he looks for a good man for his daughter. OK, he's not thinking emotionally. He's not believing lies. He's heard all these things before. He goes out and man, he picks one and brings that man home to his daughter. Now, I'm not saying that's the way to do it. I just want to think I want you to think of the way we do it now. Now, a 16 year old girl goes out and finds her boy, her man, and brings him home to dad. And dad has to accept it. Who's more likely to be deceived? The girl. Now, neither one of those is right. And I'm going to show you in a little while how dad should participate in this. But dad, this is not the little girl. It's also the little boy. We're going to see that now the win of courtship for a young woman. The biblical principle is simple and challenging. A young woman may pursue a relationship with the opposite sex only after she has embraced adulthood and its responsibilities. You know, it's funny. We laugh about women who say, man, when I got married, I couldn't cook anything. I don't see anything funny. The simplest task of home economics is to cook. That tells me you couldn't do anything in anything. All you could do was romance. That's sad. It's also indictment against us as parents. But of course, we've decided we're not supposed to teach our children. We turn them over to a secular government to do it. Who not only does not give them knowledge, but most importantly, does not give them character. Listen, homeschooling is not about teaching your children. It's about instilling character in your children through you. It's a big difference. Now, let's go on. First of all, to Mary, is she growing in maturity in the fear of the Lord? Now, be careful about these boys and girls on both sides. Be careful about this. These conversions. You know, I've actually seen that fathers that are so. Undiscerning. I wanted to use the word stupid, but I'm not going to use it because it's not polite. Fathers that are so undiscerning that a boy comes to the church who wants to to really have a relationship, usually date his daughter. And he goes, no, you cannot date my daughter because you are not a Christian. Two weeks later, he gets converted. Bless God. Now you can date my daughter. That is the that's asinine. The proper response is, well, wonderful. You've made a profession of faith. Now let's wait two years to see if it's real. I'll disciple you now. Do not marry someone who's young in the Lord, brand new in the Lord. Do not do that. You are going to kill yourself. Growing in maturity in the Lord, Proverbs 31, 30, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. And young man, that is what will most attract you to a woman if you're young and foolish. Charm and beauty, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. She shall be she shall be praised. What are you attracted to? She is she's immature. She knows nothing about God. She knows nothing about the scriptures. She cannot converse with you in things of God. She could not raise your children in godly admonition. So what are you attracted to? Beauty and charm is what you're attracted to, and it's wrong. She recognizes her role as her husband's helpmate to carry out God's divine appointment in their lives. Genesis 2, 18, Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. The word helper there is help one who helps. But this man has been given a vision and that vision is through through his calling, through his employment, through whatever God has in his life. His main purpose is to advance the kingdom of heaven. And she comes alongside of him for that purpose, to advance the kingdom of heaven. And we let two people marry who are so immature they have no clue what even marriage is about. She is also to begin to be. Ask yourself this question before you get married. If we get married and in the next year we have children, can she be a caregiver, teacher and disciplinarian of my children? Most times she can't even be a caregiver of herself. This woman is going to raise your children. Think about that. And you say, but I love her. Listen, she may be the one for you. Wait two or three years, you know, to go into the ministry. You go to Bible college. To learn to drive, you take lessons to be a doctor, you go to medical school. To take a new position in the plant, you may have to go into training for six months. And then it comes to marriage. No training, no requirements, nothing. That's not what we're supposed to be doing. She's to be a caregiver. Psalms 131, 2, Surely I have composed and quieted my soul like a weaned child rests against his mother. My soul is like a weaned child within me. The Bible recognizes that that child is going to rest against his mother. Against what kind of mother is that child going to rest? Men, this is why the care of your wives and the discipleship of your wives is so important. Because her godliness or lack thereof is going to fall upon your children. Also, she must be a teacher and a discipler. Proverbs 620, My son, observe the commandments of your father and do not forsake the teachings of your mother. This tells us two things. First of all, the woman is involved in teaching, even though she does not have the primary role. The father has the primary role. But here's something else that's important. There is a unity between the teaching of the father and the teaching of the wife. They are not contradictory. It is not mother saving the children from dad or dad saving the children from mother. There is a unity of their teaching. How many young people get married discussing, OK, how are we going to teach our children? Are we unified in this? What are our goals? No, it's basically animal. It's animal. We are attracted to one another. Go on. She must be a manager of the households. Can she organize a house? You say, well, come on, Paul, she'll learn that after. OK, OK. Some of you work in the oil field. OK, let's put a guy on the watch in the gauges. OK, washing that, watching the pressure on those pipelines. Who knows nothing. And are you going to say, oh, don't worry about it. He knows nothing. Doesn't even have a clue what the gauges are. He'll learn in time. Yeah. After he gets a lot of people killed. So you just think, just OK, they'll learn. They're not supposed to learn afterwards. They're supposed to learn now. And then when they get married, they learn more. But a foundation is to be built. You say, well, I didn't go through any of that and I did all right. Oh, that's a great attitude. Let us sin that grace may abound then. Of course, none of us went through any of this. Why? Because in one sense, our parents failed. So you want to continue with the same failure. You say, how dare you say my parents fail? I dare say it if they did not do what Scripture says. Lessons from Proverbs 31. Listen to what it says. Verse 11, her husband trusts in her to manage home and family. Let's just go there really quickly. Proverbs 31, her husband trusts in her to manage home and family. Verse 11, the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. We go on, she does him good and not evil. Verse 12, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She is industrious. Verse 16, she considers a field and buys it from her earnings. She plants a vineyard. Verse 24, she makes linen garments and sells them and supplies belts to the tradesmen. She is the very opposite of a sluggard. Most young women are sluggards and they have been taught to be sluggards by their mom and dad. Who give them no responsibility whatsoever in the home. They're just prima donnas who look in the mirror all the time. Now, we go on, how is she not a sluggard? Verse 13, she delights in her work. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. Isn't this amazing? She looks for wool and flax. She doesn't just sit around and go, well, no one will give me anything to do. She finds things to do. Verse 15, she arises while it is still night. She arises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. Verse 18, her lamp does not go out at night. Look at that. She senses that her gain is good. Her lamp does not go out at night. She does not eat the bread of idleness. Verse 27, she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Verses 13, 15, 19 and 22, she is knowledgeable in practical duties. She knows how to practically manage a household. Verses 17 through 20 and 25, she has strength of character and strength of body. Verse 21 and 25, she is prepared for the future. She has something of a bring it on mentality. She goes beyond the need to beauty. Now she goes on the need. She just doesn't look at the need of her household. She wants her household to be beautiful. Now, this is this is important. Look at verse 21 and 22. She is not afraid of the snow for her household. All for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. She's not just looking at providing clothes for her family. Now, she's not a person who appreciates luxury. But there is a beauty to her in the way she dresses, and there is a beauty to her children. They're not just grungy, sloppy people who don't even know how to sit in a chair. Now, I'm going to watch some of you are going to go, oh. But isn't it amazing? I am almost shocked when a young man can actually come up to me with a straight back and shake my hand and look me in the eyes. I almost fall over. It's such a rarity. Usually it's hello, Brother Paul. I call them jellyfish. And now you say, Brother Paul, you sure are being sharp. Yes, I know I am. And in a way, it hurts me. It kind of scares me. The thing about is you're listening, right? If I just came up here and did a little kumbaya thing and say we all need to try to do better, you wouldn't be learning anything. So let's just go. But see, guys, I don't see myself perfect in any of this. But what so excites me is for so many years before I learned this truth, I just thought there was no solution. And it's not that if you do these things, things are going to turn out perfect. But the point is, we don't have to live the way that we have. There is a better way. Not that we're going to do it perfectly. Not that if we do these things, our children are going to come out right. Because the main thing is our children be converted and we can't control that. But the thing about it is there's so much more to the Christian life than just coming into a camp meeting and praying for revival and going back to a home that has no fragrance of Christ, no discipline. She is charitable. Verse 20, she extends her hands to the poor. She is marked by kindness and wisdom. Verse 26, she opens her mouth in wisdom. Can the young lady open her mouth in wisdom? Most elderly ladies cannot open up their mouth in wisdom. Because to open up your mouth in wisdom, your heart must be filled with the Word of God. Most give only wives tales and advice that they receive from someone who received it from someone who did not get it from Scripture. God, she is fruitful. Verse 14, she's productive. Look at the young lady. Is she productive? I mean, is there fruit in her life? Not just spiritual fruit, but around her home, the way she serves her mother and serves her family. Guys, look at her car. If it's a filthy pigsty, be careful. See, if I just talk generally about sin, it doesn't have any impact. When I get specific, it's like, oh, my gosh, what is this? Now I know why so many people hate that guy on the Internet. She delights in gain and it encourages her. Verse 18, she senses that her gain is good. Man, she's she's on a roll. And isn't that life physically, spiritually and everything? You're either spiraling upward or you're spiraling downward. You know, it's just like when you start to pray and read the Bible each day, it gets easier to read the Bible and pray. As you neglect the Bible and prayer each day, it gets harder. It's the same way with your body, you start eating right, you start exercising, you start doing things like that. And guess what? It starts spiraling upward or you neglect it and it just gets worse and worse and you get more slothful and more painful. And you say now it goes on. Her husband is honored by the most respected men of the city because of her. And you know what? The respected men of the city are not going to honor you because your wife is drop dead gorgeous. Or because she's sensual or because she dresses in such a way that other men can see how beautiful your prize is. They're going to honor you because of her virtue. They're going to look at you, young men, and say, man, did he marry a good woman? Are they going to say, man, did he? Oh, gosh, I wouldn't want to be in that young man's shoes. Do not marry a storybook princess unless she happens to be Cinderella. A sound, stable, strong woman, consistent woman, a focused woman is greatly to be praised. A doctor friend of mine in South Carolina, he made a statement a while back to me, and I thought it was just quite amazing. Brother Brody, Brody McCoy, he said, you know, Paul, God has only given the human being a few short years to be physically attractive. He said, I'm a doctor. I know. And he says it's an act of grace. It teaches us what's important. I mean, just think about it. You're looking at 15, 16 years old, up until about maybe 30. And then from there on, man, it's just downhill. I mean, and it's fast. It's a fast moving car. All right, guys, listen to me. Listen to me. You have been raised in a culture where a woman should be treated like a princess only if she's five foot ten and weighs three pounds. You know, you give her an M&M and say, here, go on a binge all you want. Yeah, guys, let me tell you something. You'll find this out. And then if you have any spirituality at all, you'll say this is true. No matter what happens to your wife as she grows older, if she has a gentle and quiet and sweet spirit about her, she is lovely. But no matter how well conserved she is, beautiful physically and everything, if she remains with that hardened spirit, cantankerous, conflictive, combative, lazy, your house is in disorder, you never know if your children are being well kept or not. It is a misery. A woman who fears the Lord. Now, you might say, well, you know, there is someone, but she's not anything like this. Well, first of all, again, remember, we're not talking about perfection, but do this. Think about this. What if I go to her and say, look, I'm not there and you're not there. I do care about you and I do. Why don't we do this? Why don't we dedicate ourselves to becoming this before we marry, to becoming knowledgeable of this? I want to become the man that I need to be. I'm going to go to my father and hopefully you have one. I'm going to go to my father and say, father, I want to be a man and I want to marry when you tell me, son, you are a man. And you go and daughter, you say, I want to be a woman and I want my father and my mother to lay their hand upon me. The only problem is a lot of kids would go to their parents and do that. And the parents would think they were nuts. Isn't that pathetic? Even parents who are in church all the time. I have to tell some young people, I say, you know, you need to do this with your father and your mother. And they go, my father and mother would just think I was crazy. I said, well, you need to go to your elders then. And they go, my elder? I mean, my pastor? Yeah, well, I mean, he wouldn't know what I was talking about. And now you want to know why the church and families and stuff are so messed up? What is the Bible? The Bible only talks about salvation by faith and then nothing else doesn't tell us how to live. It doesn't tell us anything. So we're just on our own after we get saved. I think not. Now, I'm going to skip a bunch of stuff. Preparation, instruments of preparation. There are primarily three instruments of preparation. First of all, parents. Proverbs 6, 20 through 21, my son, observe the commandments of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother. Bind them continually on your heart. Tie them around your neck. God will honor you if you honor your parents. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Also, the wise. The wise, this includes elders. Proverbs 13, 20, he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Now, look what we do. We are convinced, we've been convinced by secular psychologists and everything else that children need to be with children. Now, our children have been with children and it's been glorious out here. They have had a wonderful time. My boys have just had the best time of their life. And that's wonderful. But this is not the way they're raised. If I just let my boys run with your boys and you let your boys run with my boys, pretty soon we're going to have the Lord of the flies out here. We're going to have a mess because they're having a great time, but they're not really learning anything from each other. We have been told that little boys need to be with little boys. Look what the Bible says. Proverbs 3, 20, he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Little boys are supposed to walk with men so that they become men. Little girls are to walk with women so they become women. You've been you bought into a bill of lies. And so your children are with children, your teenagers are with teenagers. And they just companion of fools from the wise, also Titus 2, 3 through 5. Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips or enslaved to much wine. So if you're not reverent in your behavior and you're a grandmother, please stay away from your grandchildren. You think just because you're old, you have a right to your grandchildren. I'm the only man that will probably one day die at the hands of a 75 year old grandmother. You don't have a right just because you're older. The question is, are you reverent? Are you godly? Not malicious gossips, not enslaved to much wine. Teaching what is good. Are you able to teach what is good? So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husband, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Now, most people take this text and make it the foundation for a women's group in the church. This has nothing to do with the women's group in the church. What makes you think that this means that there ought to be a women's ministry in the church where women get together all the time? Now, I'm not saying that women should never get together, but that's not what this text is saying. See, we automatically turn it into a ministry and a group, don't we? An official ministry in the church where women gather together to have their needs met. That's not what it's talking about. Here's what it's talking about. You're an older woman. You've raised children. You're a godly person. The church recognizes that. And one day you walk in the church and you see a lady over there who is a young mother who's doing something terribly wrong. And you befriend her and you teach her. You show her. You help her. You pray for her. And we turn that into a woman's group. But now I'm ready. Now, men, help me out here. If I get stormed, I'm going to need some backup. Listen to this. Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, must teach them to love their husbands. Most women's groups eventually become women together complaining about their husbands. They come together to share all the wrong things that are going on in their life, and they draw strength from one another. That's wrong. That's wrong. When I see a woman who is constantly needing to be in some woman's group, I know there's something wrong in their marriage. She is. Something is terribly wrong in their marriage. She's always got to go to other women. Those other women are not her family. Nowhere in Scripture is this commanded. Something is going wrong. Now, that, again, doesn't mean that women can't get together. It doesn't mean that men can't get together. But what I'm saying is we've created this into some sort of ministry that's indispensable in the church. We've made it some organization. And that's what was never intended. I sit there sometimes and talk with my wife and my wife says, look, I mean, if people want to have a woman's group, that's fine, but I'm not going to it. She says, because most of the time it turns into a cry session about husbands. She goes, I'll not have any part in it. Are women depending on women when women should be depending upon their husband? You say, well, their husband's no good. Then what are the elders doing? Why aren't they dealing with the husbands? When your wife has to get stuff from other women, it's because she's not getting it from you, sir. Now, it doesn't mean women cannot have good friends. Again, don't take my words in extreme. Does it mean they can't get together? Does it mean there can't be great blessing? Doesn't mean they can't learn something from one another. But this whole idea that a woman can't exist without her woman's support group or men can't exist without their men's support group. Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Now, if you do not like what I said, blame this on my wife, because she's the one who taught me all this stuff. Now, principles of courtship really quickly. Gosh, I'm going on forever. This is so I didn't even get to marriage yet. We're just in courtship. I haven't said anything about marriage. Principles of courtship. Number one, the relationship is initiated by the young man. Genesis 2, 24. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother. Not a woman shall leave her father and mother to go find a man. As a matter of fact, in the Scriptures, the women who pursue men are considered immoral every time in the Scriptures. Women who pursue men are considered immoral. In the Scriptures, that's all I have to go by. I don't read Time magazine or Vogue. I only read the Scriptures. And in the Scriptures, a woman who pursues men is considered immoral. Now, also, I want you to just look at something. If we don't have time to get to it, is you ever heard of the statement, her hand in marriage? Fathers, that means that your daughter is in your hand. She's under your authority. Until the day that you determine that her hand should be placed in the hand of her husband. And that is to be taken very, very seriously, because when you say yes to her marrying. You are basically retracting your authority and you're putting her in the hand of another man. And if you do that just because that's what she wants, but this man is a scoundrel and everything else. I want you to know in cowardice. You have truly, truly failed. Now, a young man should prayerfully evaluate his own motives as to why he is attracted to a certain young lady. Lamentations 340, let us examine and probe our ways and let us return to the Lord. Here's some appropriate questions. Are you attracted to biblical beauty or are you attracted to sensuality? Sensuality proceeds from the heart. Mark chapter 7, 21 through 23, for from within out of the heart of men proceed evil thoughts, fornication, theft, murder, adultery, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, evil, slander, pride and foolishness. If she's sensual, she will also have all the other things. Are you attracted to sensuality or biblical beauty? Sensuality is also a deed of the flesh. Galatians 5, 19. Now, the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are immorality, impurity, sensuality. If she is a woman who displays herself publicly, she will also do so when she is married to you. Are you attracted to biblical beauty or sensuality? Number one. Number two, are you attracted to virtue or are you attracted to personality? Some women just have wonderful, whimsical personalities, but that's not the same as virtue. Proverbs 31, 10, who can find a virtuous woman for her price is above rubies. The young man should also seek out godly counsel from the biblical authorities over him, and that's very difficult because most time the father will not assume the place of authority, nor will the elders in the church. Fathers, Proverbs 4, 1, hear, O sons, the instruction of a father and give attention that you may gain understanding. Elders, 1 Peter 5, 5, you younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders and all of you clothe yourself with humility toward one another. For God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Other godly Christians, Proverbs 11, 14, where there is no guidance, the people fall. But in the abundance of counselors, there is victory. A young man sees a woman that he is very, very concerned about, that he thinks this may be the woman for him. What should he do? He should go to the Lord and pray. He should search the Scriptures, examine his heart. Is it sensuality? Is it personality? Is it biblical virtue? Then he should go to his father and say, Father, am I a man? If I was not your son, would you entrust your daughter to me? Am I a man? Is this young lady a virtuous, solid Christian? Needs counsel. Now, if the father says no, he better say no with a great deal of fear. The father better say no, make sure it's not his prejudice, but it is Scripture. To look in his son and say, son, this may be the girl for you. Maybe. But son, you're not ready. You're not ready to lead a woman. Or he may say, you are ready, possibly she is not. Ready to lead a home. Now, son, let's be positive about this. It's not a negative thing. It's, son, let's go. Come on, me and you. We are going to work on this together. We are going to work on this together. We are going to work on going through Scripture together. We are going to work in your virtue. Let's say one year. I don't know what it'll take. We can't put a time. But let's grow together. Let's become a man. I'll help you. It's not just no, it's no, son. But look, this is good. I'll come to you now. We will work harder than ever. We'll read the Bible together. We'll pray. I'll watch you. I'll monitor you. I'll bless you. I'll pray for you. We're going to go full bore now. I've been training you all your life, but now we're going to ramp up the training. Now, if a young man seeks the permission of his father and his father says, yes, you're a godly young man and I'm proud of you. And yes, I've observed the life of this young girl. She seems appears in all things to be godly. We've talked to the pastor. He also sees that. Now, what does the young man do? He doesn't send his best friend to go talk to her best friend to see if she likes him. That is good gracious. And he doesn't go to her. He goes to her father. Now, let me give you an example. Let's say we're in Illinois and it's tomorrow is October 1st. You know what that means, don't you? We're in Illinois. It's October. Tomorrow is October 1st. Man, we're excited, aren't we? But you don't know what October... Deer season. Deer season. Man. Well, November 1st then. All right, it's deer season. And I'm like sitting here with my bow. It's midnight. I'm just waiting for the sun to come up and I'm getting that old beat up truck of mine. I'm going deer hunting. I'm so excited. I've been waiting for this since season ended. I mean, it's been five years hunting. I still ain't killed a deer, but I'm not giving up. Worst hunter in the world. But one day it's going to happen. OK, so I go out. It's 430 in the morning. I go out to get in my truck and it's not there. My beat up, ugly truck is not there. Where's my truck? I lost my truck. My climbing stand is in the back of that truck. All my hunting gear. And I'm not going hunting today. I'm walking back and forth like this in the yard. Where's my truck? I don't know where my truck is. Someone got my truck. And then all of a sudden, you, young man, you pull in my driveway at 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm at 10 o'clock with my truck and you jump out and you throw me the keys. Hey, Mr. Washer, thank you for the truck. I'm like, I'm going to kill you first. Then I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to sit there and go, I'm speechless. You took my truck. I mean, that's a $1,500 truck. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to hang you in my front yard as a warning to everyone else. You took my truck. I mean, you wouldn't do that. So you're going to take my daughter. You're just going to walk up to my daughter and say, hey, you want to go out? Man, look how far we've fallen. My daughter, I have wept over her. I have cried over her. I have prayed for years for her. I have fed her, clothed her. I would die a thousand deaths in hell for her. And you are going to walk up and ask my daughter to go with you. And you are not going to talk to me how you have dishonored me. You are a stinking shame. Now, why did I say it that way? I know many of us have done that. Many of you young men have done that. I said it that way because I want you to start seeing the sinfulness of your actions. How dare you? How dare you? Do you see some of you are sitting there going, well, man, I never even looked at it that way before. Well, you need to. Fathers, what's wrong with us? I mean, my gosh, look at us. You dare you? You have no right. I mean, it's enough to make a man weep. I know some of you are laughing. Some of you think I'm extreme. I'm out of my mind. Well, I'll tell you what, if this world and the worldly think I'm out of my mind, then maybe I'm in a pretty good place. She's my daughter. You deserve to be horsewhipped. She's my daughter. You should come to me. You should gain my permission. In Exodus 22, 16 through 17 and numbers 33 through five, the young woman's father has the right to deny permission immediately. He does. But let's say you come to me and you're a fine young man. Now, I may not know that at first, so I may ask you to spend some time with me. I may ask to meet with you at, you know, Tim Horton's. I may ask to talk to your father before my daughter knows anything. But let's say that I come to the conclusion you're a fine young man. Then do I look at you and say, yes, you can talk to my daughter? Absolutely not. Why? I'm going to go to my daughter. I'm going to tell you as a young man, I'm going to say, listen, young man, I'm going to pray about it for a couple of weeks and then I'll come back and give you an answer. And then I'm going to talk to my daughter. And if my daughter says, no, daddy, no. Then I'm going to go, well, honey, he seems to be a fine man, would you just pray about it? She prays about it for a couple of weeks and she says, no, daddy, I go fine. Now, here's what I don't do. I don't go back to that young man and say, I've talked to my daughter and she said no. You know why? Because now I have put my daughter in a conflictive relationship with another man. No, it's not what I do. I protect my daughter. I take the blunt. I take whatever anger that young man may have. I go back to him and say, young man, I've considered this matter. I've taken counsel, I've prayed, I've read the word and my answer is no, because now his problem is with me. It's not with my daughter. And if he says, what's your daughter say? I say, right there is proof that I made the right decision. But if my daughter says, you know, I go in and I say, you know, so and so came. He wants to know if there's a possibility of courtship with you. If she starts jumping up and down on the bed, singing the hallelujah chorus. Then again, I'm going to go, well, daughter, pray about it for a couple of weeks. But see, now this is filtered through a dad who's been around the world several times, who can see a scoundrel about 100 miles away. And so now you've got the dad's approval and now this daughter over here is happy. We'll go to the Lord and pray with mom and everything else. And then when I tell the young man, yes. What do we do in a perfect world? And that's the only way I can give you this scenario. You're going to have to work around it because it's not a perfect world. Then one of the wisest things that we can do is this. I can meet my wife and I with this young man and my daughter. And I can meet even with his parents and we can sit down and do what? Figure out a parameter. Whereby our two children can get to know each other and yet protect them from falling into immorality. That's what we can do now. The parents of both parties will covenant together to build a relationship, to be united in purpose, to pray together, to build parameters of protection and to provide accountability. Now, let me tell you a few things and this is where we'll end. And I'm just so sorry I didn't get to marriage, but the most dangerous aspect of any relationship between two people of the opposite sex is sexual immorality. Now it is. It is impossible to be alone with someone of the opposite sex for any extended period of time without falling into some form of sexual immorality. Now, I know, again, my heart breaks because many of you are not going to listen to me. I know that. And if I was your pastor, though, I would be certain that within months you will be coming back to me crying. And there will be nothing I can do for you again, except try to heal your wounds, which will not heal. It is impossible. The fierce nature of sexual immorality is portrayed throughout the scriptures. Now, realize this. We are told to wrestle with the devil, hand to hand combat, not back up. Wrestle with the devil, Ephesians 6, 12 through 13, to resist him and he will flee from us. James 4, 7. But in the matter of youthful lust, we are commanded to flee. 2 Timothy 2, 22. We are commanded to flee. The only way, young person, to avoid sexual immorality is to avoid being alone in secret places. I'm sorry. And parents are just so undiscerning. It's pitiful. You know yourself that it's not possible. So what do you do? That was one of the reasons why they built parlors in homes. A room that had a door that was usually oval and kind of large, nothing closed, where the young couple could sit there and talk. Get to know each other. Unannounced, the father would walk by with a 12 gauge shotgun. Just checking, cleaning my old gun here. Don't mind me. Just keep talking. I tell you, I was a really good shot. Now, here's the thing. Young people listen to me. I have heard even adults say, well, how are they going to know if they're right for each other without any physical contact? What are you, animals? Physical contact does not give any clarity to a young couple. It confuses the matter. And here's how it confuses the matter. First of all, lust, unchecked, confuses everything. I mean, men that are 50 years old that have a wife and kids will leave their wife and kids out of lust. We even break marriage vows out of lust. Another thing, if you truly are a Christian and she truly is a Christian, then you know you are supposed to lead her as a young man. And if you truly are Christian, you're alone with her one night and you guys begin to do things you should not do. If you're both Christians, the spirit of God will convict you of sin. And then what happens? You're sitting there as the young man, totally ashamed because her father entrusted her to you and you have shamed her, shamed the father and shamed yourself. And you're thinking to yourself, what kind of leader could I be? Look what I've done to this girl. She's sitting over there thinking he now must think I'm just a tramp. I mean, I wanted to be pure and look what happened. And they're not drawn together. They're drawn away from each other. The relationship is being destroyed. They should be allowed to do things. It should be in the company of others. They should be allowed to converse, but it should be under parameters that can be cared for. And men, you know, the shotgun thing. I hear fathers that, you know, their daughter's 15 years old. OK, she's going to go out on dates. But man, he goes back to his buddies the next day. Yeah, when that young guy showed up, you know, I was there with my shotgun cleaning everything. That's idiotic. So you've invested nothing in your daughter for 15 years. Now you're going to break every principle and allow her to go out on a date, a recreational date with a boy who's not a man. And you're going to boast about the one thing you've done in life is get out your old shotgun. Again, I say these things this way, because if I say them in a way that's just calm and pretty, it has little, very little impact. Men, think about these things. Think about them. Young men, be champions for Christ. Don't trust yourself. You know, earn the right to take a woman. Earn the right to take a woman. Don't think it's your right. It is a privilege earned. It is for men, not boys. Take this seriously. Young girls, listen to me. Don't, please don't ruin your life. Don't discard this in the name of some foolish, lustful romance. How many people must you see around you every day? Destroyed homes, children with no fathers, women who sit there just wilting away at a husband who's just obsessed with other things. I mean, how long does it have to go on? And we sit there and go, I don't know why it's happening. You don't know why it's happening. And let me finish by saying this, you know, because I teach these things, even when I teach them, I don't know here right now, maybe, but in most places where I teach these things, you know what some people are thinking? I can't wait to his boys grow up. I know that because I teach these things, people say that. And I know that some people will take a great deal of joy if one of my children fall. I know it. I've heard it. I know that I can see a smirk on the face. I'm not teaching these things because I have 10 kids that are over 25 and they're all successes. Because that would just be pragmatism, what most people live on. I'm teaching them because they're biblical principles. If it's just the authority of my experience, then it has no authority at all. But that's what most people base their life on, isn't it? That's why someone will say, I was a great parent. My children are both walking with the Lord. They're missionaries in the Soviet Union. You could have been a terrible parent and God just did that, because I also know parents who dedicated themselves to Scripture and to teaching their children. And it did not come out right with those children. But those parents were actually more biblical than the parents of the children who are missionaries. Successful Christian parenting is not that their children came out right. Successful Christian parenting is that you sought to obey Christ in your home. That is very important. I wish we had time to get into marriage because then we could talk about men. Men, there's so much to know, I mean, I almost wish I didn't have to preach tonight. Because there's so much, men, we kill our wives, we kill them. I know there's so much here to know about marriage, but you have to quit sometime, I guess. Well, let's pray. Father, I come before you and Lord, I have been extravagant and bold and sharp and maybe even rude. Lord, take away the chaff, leave the food. Lord, that your children would see that the Scriptures tell us more than just how to get saved. They tell us how to live. Let us walk as wise and not foolish, to walk circumspectly. In the name of Jesus, Amen.