This sermon emphasizes the importance of choosing a godly spouse over outward beauty or charm. It warns against the consequences of marrying a contentious or ungodly partner, highlighting the value of a wife who fears the Lord and the detrimental effects of a bad marriage. The speaker urges young men to seek a wife who is gentle, quiet, and godly, emphasizing that true beauty lies in a woman's character and reverence for God.

I want you to turn to Proverbs 31 and verse 30. Young men, if there's anything you remember from the Word of God that has to do with choosing a wife, it is this verse. Don't let go of it. Don't forget it. May it be before your eyes, just in your mind constantly, something that you are giving thought to as you seek a wife. Listen, a wife, a good wife, a godly wife, an excellent wife, it says in Proverbs 31.10, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. I'll tell you what, young men, you find yourself a good wife, she's more precious than jewels. And that's inspired language. That means that's what God has to say to you. You find yourself a good wife, what God says, she's more valuable than jewels. It's a good thing. It comes from the Lord. She's very valuable. But I'll tell you this, a bad wife is a curse. And what the Scripture says, look, I'll tell you this, if you go through the Proverbs, it's very interesting, as you read the Proverbs, take note on the repetition in the Proverbs. Many, many, many of the Proverbs are only stated one time. And there are only several that are repetitively set forth. You know what one of them is, and it has to do with a wife. It has to do with a woman. You guys know what one I'm talking about? How about this one? Proverbs 21.9, it is better to live in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21.19, it's better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful or easily provoked woman. Proverbs 25.24, it's better to live in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 27.15, a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike. We laugh at that. I'll tell you what, guys, you get yourself a quarrelsome wife and you'll not laugh. But after the honeymoon's over, you'll find it not to be a laughing matter. And I can tell you this, I can remember not too long ago looking into the eyes of a young man that married a woman and he found out in a very few days, in fact, faster than most young men find it out, that he had married a quarrelsome wife. I'm telling you, it is better to live in a desert. You lived in a desert? You guys live in San Antonio, Texas. You know what it's like to live here in August? And this isn't a desert so much. You go out there in West Texas and try to live out there in August among the cactus and the dry. You know what? God who inspired the Bible says it would be better for you to live out there. You guys try living in the corner of a housetop. Try living in the corner of the attic upstairs. That's not nice. The Bible says, again, God telling you, He's warning you, it is better to live there than live with a wife that's fretful. It's the idea of easily provoked or quarrelsome, dripping. There are some men in the church that have lost wives. I guarantee you, you talk to them. You know. You talk to the men with lost wives. You find out what kind of snare having a wife is. Because I'm thinking of a couple of men in the church that have lost wives, and they're not just lost. They're quarrelsome. Here's what Proverbs 31.30 says. Charm is deceitful. Let's stop right there. A word study on the word charm. What do you guys think of when you think charm? You think charisma, right? We do get that idea. Charm. We don't really use the word, right? Who calls a woman charming? In fact, isn't that something that's more used for men than for women? But actually, if we just think charm, you might not get the full flavor of the word. Some of the synonyms, some of the ways it could be translated, actually favor grace, elegance of form and appearance. It's got to do with form and appearance. It's not just charming in that there's a good personality. It's the idea even of to find favor in the eyes of men. Look, I can remember in my lost days, hopefully it's not the same, although it does tend to be at times, because even Christian young men are probably overdrawn to good looks. But I'm not going to identify any of that and I'm not going to hang the Christian young men out to dry right here, so I'll hang myself out to dry when I was lost. And my friends, I remember what it was like to go to college. I lived in a house with ten guys. We were a big party house. Lots of girls came through there. You know what it's like, guys, when there's certain girls or a certain girl that when she comes in the room, she tends to get the favor of the guys. She tends to get the attention, right? She tends to get the look. She tends to get the attention. She tends to be the one that the guys kind of migrate to. You know what I mean by that? I mean, when you have parties and stuff, you may have five or ten or twenty different girls like that that come in. Because of their form, because of their appearance, because of their elegance, it can be because of their personality. There are certain girls that they just have a really fun personality and they're a magnet to guys. And sometimes it's coupled with looks. Sometimes it's coupled with a shapely body. Sometimes it's not. There are certain things that men find attractive and certain combinations. You basically have that idea that that girl who draws the favor of men, she's the girl that the guys like to smile at. She's the girl that certain guys are going to choke on their words over. They're going to be uncomfortable around. Basically what the Bible says, that's deceitful. Now think about the word deceitful. Basically carries the idea of something that deceives, something that disappoints, something that betrays. Think about that. I pulled these right from the lexicons. Something that disappoints. Let me ask you this. How can that be something that would disappoint or betray? What do you think is betraying about that? What betrays? What is deceitful about the girl who has favor with men? Not getting what you expected. That's absolutely right. Not getting what you expected. What do you expect? I mean I would say this. I'm talking not from my lost days. I'm talking from my saved days. What did I expect from a wife? I expected that finding a wife would make me happy. And it did. I expected that finding a wife would find somebody that I could have intimacy and closeness with. And it did. I expected in finding a wife somebody who would be a help to me. And it was. I expected in a wife somebody that was going to help me run the Christian race faster. Somebody that would be an encouragement to me. Somebody that would radiate Christ in my family. Somebody that would raise my children in a godly manner. Somebody that would be kind. Somebody that would show mercy. Somebody that would be industrious in the house. Somebody that would build up the house. Somebody that would be a help to me, not a hurt to me. Somebody that would speak well of me, not tear me down behind my back. Somebody who I would enjoy to be around. Somebody who made coming home a pleasant thing. Right? Isn't that what a guy... Somebody that I would enjoy being around. Somebody that would increase the level of happiness in my life. I mean, come on guys. You're not going to say as a Christian, finding a wife is all about sacrifice. No, it's not that. That's what I expected. And, you know what? By and large, that's what I found. But here's what the Bible is saying. That that woman... Now look. A woman who has a shapely body. A woman who has a good personality. A woman who has outward beauty. She might possess godliness. She might provide these things. But you know what the Bible is saying? As a general rule, that girl, that lady is going to betray you. And I'll tell you this. The Bible is pretty clear. Those people, ladies like that... And we can bring it over to guys like that too. They're the ones that the world are after. And basically what is highly esteemed by the world is not highly esteemed by God. And then there's an interesting next phrase. Beauty is vain. Beauty. I just looked at the word Esther. You remember Queen Vashti? It speaks about her beauty. For she was lovely to look at. That's what we mean by beauty. Loveliness. A loveliness to look at. And it says that it's vain. Actually, some translations say a breath. The word seems like it can hold two possible meanings or shades possibly of both meanings at once, which would be the idea of a breath or a vapor. Like beauty is there. The most beautiful woman, look at her body in a hundred years. Dig it up out of the tomb and look at it. It's going to be grotesque. It's fleeting. It's here today, it's gone tomorrow. I mean, you have a woman have a few babies and pack the extra pounds and get all the stretch marks and let the wrinkles set in. And women don't stay 20 forever. So it may possess that. Fleeting. Beauty is fleeting. It's here today, it's gone tomorrow. But the original Hebrew word does also carry the idea of vanity. Empty, unsubstantial, worthless. Now think with me here. You guys remember the third commandment, right? What does it say? Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. Beauty is vain. We are not to take the name of the Lord our God in vain. Now in the Hebrew, although it's not exactly the same Hebrew word, they are definitely somewhat synonymous with one another. And I want you to think about this for a second. What is it for an ungodly person to take the name of the Lord in vain? Not be true. What do you mean not be true? He's carrying the name of the Lord, calling himself a Christian. Well, no, he's actually using the name of the Lord. What does it mean to use the name of the Lord or to take the name in vain? It could be. I'm not going to say that you're wrong there when we call ourselves something or call ourselves by His name when we're really not that. But there's an idea of... Common. Common. Exactly. Common. It's using the Lord's name in a way that is trivial, common, unsubstantial. Rather than using it in a way that is full of reverence, full of worship, we count His name as common, we count His name as trivial, we count His name as an empty thing. Listen, do you know what God says, young men? Treat beauty the way a godless man treats God's name. Which means what? Treat it as unsubstantial. I'll tell you this, beauty does not commend a woman to God. And there are a lot of women who are impure and wretched-souled who are embodied in a beautiful body with a beautiful face. Young men, we live in a world, even in the professing Christian world, that tells you to chase beauty. And the Bible says treat it as a common thing. Treat it as unsubstantial. Treat it as an empty thing because it's empty. If you chase beauty, if you make that... I'll tell you, many young men have lived to regret the decisions they've made. You don't realize, if you're not married, you do not realize what it is to get a bad wife or what it is to get a good wife. And if you chase beauty, and you end up getting beauty, and you get a godless woman inside that beauty, even if she's a true Christian, but she's contentious, she's unsanctified, she's proud, she's unsubmissive, you're going to live to regret it. Young men, I know some of you aren't hearing me. I know you're not hearing me because there's such a natural tendency to be drawn towards what is beautiful. But the Bible says, treat it as an empty thing. Treat it as empty. I'll tell you this, when I was just coming back on this flight from Turkey, you know they have the TV screens in the back of all the seats, and I was flicking through all these movies, and I hit this one, and there was a woman seated at a table with a man. And what was very interesting is on the way over, we didn't have the independent screens, there were just some big ones up at the front. And I didn't have the headphones on and so I couldn't hear. All I could do is watch. And you know it's interesting when a whole movie goes through and I was watching it every once in a while, but you don't hear what's actually happening. And it was just interesting that it occurred to me as I was watching it that the woman that was eating dinner with the man, they just didn't quite seem to go together. Well, on the trip back, as I was going through all these movies, there was that movie. And there were the two sitting at the table. Well, I had the headphones that time, so I listened. And the waiter comes up to the table and the woman is very beautiful and the guy is not. The guy comes up and he just very openly and blatantly says to the guy, she's out of your league. And of course, the waiter, the comment was made because of the woman's outward beauty. But I want to tell you folks something. There are some young men and there are some young ladies in our church that are out of the league of many of you. And what I mean by that, and it goes both ways, some of you young men are not worthy of some of the young ladies. If you were to enter them into a beauty contest, they probably wouldn't come in first place. But you're not worthy of them. And that is true the other way as well. I'll tell you what commends a woman to God is not outward beauty. It is a woman who fears the Lord. There are some young men in the church that are not worthy of some of the young ladies. And you know, you can get to the place where you look at somebody and you say, you know, that's Mrs. Right, or that's Miss Right. And she may not be looking at you in the same way. You may be Mr. Wrong as far as she's concerned. I'll tell you what, the most important thing in preparing for marriage is not putting on the makeup. It's not pumping the iron. It's godliness. It's conformity to the image of Christ. Young men, you find a young lady that fears the Lord and you will find yourself a good wife. I remember one time when I had first met Ruby, there was a key man in my life who didn't think my selection of Ruby for a potential wife was a good idea. And he had certain reasons, but I came back to this. She's a woman who fears the Lord. And actually, my pastor at the time stood up for me and said, that's exactly right. That's what you want in a wife. And that's absolutely right. You find a woman who fears the Lord, and guess what? She's not going to slander you when your back's turned. Why? Because she fears the Lord. She's not going to tear the house down because she fears the Lord. She's going to be kind. She's going to be merciful because she fears the Lord. If you find a woman that esteems you higher than the Lord, run from her like the plague. You want a woman who fears the Lord more than she fears you. And I tell you, when that day comes when some of these ladies will shine in the kingdom of their Father like the sun, as Christ says, they will shine with such glory and such beauty as this world has not even imagined. Beauty here is fleeting. Beauty there is forever. And you can see the marks of that beauty here in this life in the inward person, not in the outward person. And that's exactly what we find in the New Testament that is pressed upon women. 1 Peter, let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Men, how do you know a woman who fears the Lord? A gentle and quiet spirit. You know what the Proverbs says? The woman folly is loud. You watch a woman. If she's loud, stay away from her. A loud woman is not going to turn out to be a good wife. Let your adorning be the hidden person, 1 Peter 3,4, of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their husbands. Listen men, an excellent wife, Proverbs 12,4 says, is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. I remember when I was lost, one of my close friends, he was getting married, and I warned him, even lost I warned him, Matt, don't marry her. I tried to tell him, and he got angry at me. When his back was turned, she would make passes at other guys. We tried to tell him. He married her. She ran off with one of my other friends. Was she pretty? Yeah, she was pretty. She was Miss Papa, the place that I grew up. Rottenness to the bones. She'll bring you shame. You seek after beauty alone. If you're stupid, you seek beauty. If she's going to bring rottenness to your bones, you're going to despise the day you ever met her. You may think you can't wait to marry her, you can't wait to get on the honeymoon, you can't wait to enjoy all that goes along with that, but I'll tell you what, that's not going to carry you through a year, two years, five years, ten years. It will become such rottenness to your bones. I had another friend after I was first saved. His wife was contentious. His wife was cruel. His wife was selfish. His wife was proud. Was she pretty? Yep, she was pretty. She'd hold herself back from him, cause him misery, cause him frustration. Rottenness to his bones. Men, take heed. Take heed. Second to receiving Christ, there is no greater decision that you will make in your life than the wife you choose. And I know that some of you are not going to hear me. You're going to come to realize the truth of what I'm telling you when it's too late. Look, you pray. The Bible says that a prudent wife is from the Lord. Prudence. That's what you want. You want a prudent wife. Not necessarily a beautiful wife. You want a prudent wife. Not necessarily a charming wife or one of good figure. You want one that fears the Lord. You want one that is of a gentle and quiet spirit. Now, I say this. An excellent wife who can find. Why do you think God would say that to us? I'll tell you why. Because a good, excellent, prudent, gentle, meek-spirited, God-fearing wife doesn't grow under every bush. It's because there aren't a whole lot of them. There are more pretty girls than there are godly girls. They don't just grow under every bush. And you better be discerning and you better be praying. I'll tell you this. God truly saved you. He's not going to give you a snake or a rock or some hideous thing if you pray to Him and look to Him to provide you with a good wife. You ask Him to give you a good wife, He will. You run out and you just chase after the first beautiful thing you find out there that professes to be Christian. I'll tell you, this doesn't have anything to do with me by any stretch. But I can tell you this. That once God saved me, He gave me a desire to find a wife that fit the 1 Peter, the 1 Timothy, the Proverbs 31. And I began to have an idea of the kind of wife that I was looking for. And I was going to a church. We had a big singles group. There were lots of women that wanted to be married. And there were some pretty faces came in. And I'm going to tell you, those were the first ones that I probably went over and sat down next to. But I can tell you this, that it was like a big wet blanket if immediately there was no sense of godliness there. And I was looking for that. I was looking for it. I don't know if I should say this. I actually got to the place where I got so disgusted of all these girls up in Michigan that were in this singles group. I got to the place where I was saying, Lord, I don't care if you bring me an old, used-up prostitute. As long as she's been truly saved and she's godly, well, I'm thankful God gave me a whole lot better. I say a whole lot better. That's not to say that a woman like Mary Magdalene wasn't a tremendous find for a man. Because it's what a woman is made of spiritually, not what her history has been. Guys, you know one of the things that the writer of the Proverbs says? He's saying, listen to my instruction. Listen, listen, listen. Take heed. Do you know what a wise young man is? He's a man that can learn by the instruction of others, that doesn't have to walk down the path himself to discover the wisdom of the matter. That man is wise who can hear wise counsel and say, I'm going to heed that, I'm going to live by that, rather than saying, I don't buy that, I'm going to learn it for myself. You get married to a contentious woman. You get married to one of these women that I'm warning you about. And you learn your lesson too late. It's too late. What's going to happen? What's going to happen? If you're truly saved, what's going to happen? I mean, if you're committed to marriage and you don't allow for divorce, you're in for a lifetime of misery. Better off you lived in the desert in the corner of a housetop. You're going to have rottenness of bones, it's going to be like a continuous dripping. It's just going to be a plague in your life. I'm not making this up. This is what God tells you. And He tells you this because the temptation here is great, especially in our day when Hollywood put such a premium on beauty. That movie I was watching, not in her league. You see, that's how the world thinks. The league you're in is basically established by how you look. In God's league, the league you are in is established by your fear of Him, by your meekness, by your modesty, by your quiet spirit, by your gentleness, by your industriousness, by an inner beauty. That establishes the league you're in. That is God's league. And I'll tell you what, God's league matters. This world's league is passing away. And you know what this world is like. You may be beautiful today, it'll chew you up and spit you out tomorrow once it's used you up. When the beauty's not there anymore, then nobody cares. The real issue is what is your worth, young ladies, in the sight of a holy God who sees what you are in the inner person. And you remember, to be gentle, to be quiet, is in God's sight precious. What do I say to the young ladies? I say this, young ladies, I know this has to do with Christianity as a whole, but I want you to hear me loud and clear. You know these texts? They have to do with the fruits of true Christianity. We might just as well bring these verses up if we were talking about how you can know a true Christian. I'm going to bring them up on how you can know a good prospect for a husband. Basically, you have texts like this. There's the one in Matthew 7. I'm not going to say that one, you're familiar with it, but I'm going to shoot to Matthew 12, 33. Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad. Here's the statement that I really want you to see, for the tree is known by its fruit. What does that have to do, young ladies, with you finding a good husband? The tree is known by its fruit. The Laals gave me a peach tree. I planted this peach tree in my front yard last year. Guess what? It had blossoms all over it this year. The bees were on it. Now I have peaches. When I left the house just now, that tree had peaches on it. It's a peach tree. It has peaches on it. Guess what? When I get home, barring some catastrophe of low-level intensity, it's still going to have peaches on it. Why? Because it's still going to be a peach tree, and the same fruit it had on it, it is going to still have on it. If I think I'm going to go home and find apples on it, I am going to be disappointed. Young ladies, the fruit you find on a young man when you meet him on his worst days, in his worst attitudes, when he's in the worst shape, sick and tired, agitated and aggravated, put off, full of pride, upset towards others, not towards you. Now if you know him long enough, you may chalk that up towards you as well. You look at the way he acts towards people as a whole. You look at the way he acts towards those that are in superior situations. You look at the way he talks about his boss. You look at his discipline. You look at whether he's able to get up at time. Is the man able to get up at a decent hour every day? Or is he a lazy sluggard? You look at a young man. I'll tell you this, by their fruits you're going to know them. In other words, the fruit they have is what they are. And the fruit they have declares what they are. And when you come back after the honeymoon's over, you're going to get a fuller dose even. Because the fruit you see now, in little form, is only going to grow bigger after you get there. If the guy's lazy, he's tried to hide it from you to a certain degree because he's putting his best foot forward. But what he is is what you get. And if you've got this idea, you're going to change him, you're going to make him better, you're going to make him taller, you're going to make him somehow spiritually a better runner at this Christian race, more Christ-like, more godly, more righteous. You're going to somehow endow his life with greater fruitfulness. You are sadly mistaken. What you're going to find is what fruit you see there now, in small form, really, it's there in bigger. What you're seeing is the little part because he's performing right now. But when the performance is over, look, that's not to say that if you find a really good guy, he's not going to be really good. But there's no question about it. We do put our best foot forward when we're getting to know people. And the shorter the engagement is, the shorter the time you get to know people, the less likely you are to see the fullness of all this fruit that's there. But there's no question about it. If you've known the person for any amount of time, you've seen the fruit at least in its basic form to some degree. And don't think that suddenly it's going to get better, it's going to get tremendously more encouraging once you marry the guy. What you're going to find is if he was lazy, he's going to become all that much more lazy. If he didn't have the ability to hold a job, he's not going to have the ability to hold a job once you get to marry him. If he doesn't have the ability to provide for his own basic necessities, he certainly isn't going to be able to provide for years. If the guy's basically a slug, if the guy's basically useless and pathetic, if the guy basically has no respect for authority, no respect for police officers, no respect for his employer, no respect for his parents, he certainly isn't going to have respect for anything in this life. If he doesn't have a basic respect for his mother, if he doesn't show some basic respect for ladies, he's not going to have any respect for you once he gets you where he wants you. And there's a lot of men that are out in this world to simply conquer. Men love a challenge. There's lots of men that love a challenge. There's lots of men that are drawn to beauty. And there's lots of men that make women a... I mean, it's basically a sport. They're out to conquer. And they're much like Amnon, David's oldest son, who once he got Tamar, he despised her. There are people who are out there that are seeking to get what they want, and once they get what they want, they don't have much affection for that thing that they got. And so ladies, wake up. You need to look past beauty, and you need to look past charm as well. You need to look past all the flares that Hollywood puts on what a true guy is. Bulging muscles aren't going to... it's not going to cut it, folks. That's not to say you ought not to seek a man that's strong, a man that's going to be able to lift the heavy deal, a man that's going to be able to do the work that needs to be done. But look, you need to look very carefully. I tell you, before the guy's got you where he wants you, he's going to be very charming. But look for what really matters. Look for a man likewise who fears the Lord. Look for a man that's going to follow the Lord even when it upsets you. Look for a man who can lead. Look for a man who's going to be a good husband, a good father. Look for a man that can hold a job. Look for a man who as he's holding a job is very valued by his employer. Look for a man who his employer would find at a big loss if they lost this guy. I mean, you know what? If you're thinking about marrying a guy, it would not be out of question to go to where he works and ask his employer, is he a good employee? It would not be out of question to go to ask his parents, what kind of son is he? It would not be out of order to ask his pastor, how is he doing spiritually? Who is it I was just hearing? Oh, it was this guy. He was just saying. I tell you this, there are a lot of women, a lot of godly women, they end up getting some half-saved, half-baked, half-whatever kind of guy, just like this guy was. I'm serious. A guy can come across looking real good, memorizing Scripture, got his Bible there all the time. Look, if you don't think, you just ask Daniel. If you don't think guys won't go a real distance to get what they want, you've got another thing coming. And I'll guarantee you guys can be the model Christian if they think, you ask Mark Outing. Mark Outing was a thug. The guy was criminal. But he saw a woman he wanted and started hanging out in the church. Well, glory be to God, God saved him. He thought he was going to get a wife. He ended up getting more than he bargained for. Listen, young ladies, a guy can portray himself in ways that will fool you in a second. You go ask your parents to look the guy over. You go ask your pastors to look the guy over. You go to his employer. I mean, you go and ask people that have good insights into his life. You go ask some people with some wisdom. You ask some people that have been around the block. And if you won't do it and you despise that kind of counsel, you know what? You're making your own bed and you're going to sleep in it. Young ladies, I mean, Barbara can tell you, I'm sure her life was a living hell with this guy. Now, again, just like with Mark Outing, God saved him and turned the whole thing around. But I'll tell you this, you know what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7. Saved wife? You don't know if God's going to save that unsaved spouse. And I'll tell you what, you wake up the morning after on your honeymoon bed and you suddenly find out you didn't get what you bargained for. It's too late. You made those marriage vows. It's a done deal. You don't go back. And I don't think she would mind me telling, but you know, there's a young lady, a sister in our church, against all counsel, she went and married a young man and he beats her now. He beats her. He makes her life miserable. She's a dear sister, member of our church. You don't hear her complain too much. You know why? She knows she made her own bed. She knows she married this guy against wise counsel. She knows she did wrong. So she doesn't complain because she knows she's now reaping what she sowed. Young ladies, I don't want you to be there. I mean, this sister breaks my heart. It breaks my heart for her. It fills me with rage when I think about this guy beating her. But if you will not heed this counsel, you may end up in the very same place. Look, you know them by their fruits. If you, young men, you need to shut your eyes to the beauty. Young ladies, you need to open your eyes and see the fruit hanging on the tree. That's my counsel to you. I don't doubt in the next five to ten years, probably many of you in this room, these various rooms, will end up marrying. Take this to heart. Folks, I can tell you that by God's grace, I got one of those good wives and you know what it says right here? It says, she is far more precious than jewels versus what? A beautiful woman without discretion. She's like a gold ring in a pig's snout. Something pretty in an ugly setting. Well, you guys and you ladies, please, take this counsel. It's godly counsel. Take it to heart. Well, that's all I have to say tonight.