In this sermon, the speaker shares his personal struggles and doubts as a preacher. He mentions how people accused him of being a hypocrite and a false prophet, which caused him to hate going to his own church. He talks about a dark period in his life where he felt overwhelmed and couldn't remember anything he had learned or experienced in his faith. The speaker emphasizes the importance of knowing and being confident in God's call on one's life, as doubting it can lead to confusion and searching for validation elsewhere. He encourages listeners to trust in God's promises and not be swayed by the opinions of others.

My message, a fire in my bones. I'm going to be speaking mostly from Jeremiah the 20th chapter. Somebody asked me once, don't you ever preach from the New Testament? Call my office, order a bunch of them. I preach mostly from the New Testament. But I'm preaching from the Old Testament. Because as Pastor Stegen said this morning, the word of the Old Testament was given as a pattern for us upon whom the ends of the world have come. Oh God, speak now. Send the power of the Holy Ghost. I need you. I can't preach without you. I'm asking you to heal many people here today. There must be a healing of hearts. Let it come to your word, I pray. In Jesus' name. God sends Jeremiah into the temple. And you can read about his warning in the 19th chapter when you go home. He said, God told me to tell you he's going to destroy the temple. He said, Israel is going into captivity. Very strong message. Pastor was the governor. He slapped him in the face. Then he put him in stock. He put him in a torture rack. I read a description of the torture rack that was used in those days. The head is put in like a wooden yoke and closed. Hands twisted behind his back and locked into another rack. His body is twisted and tortured. He was left in that position all night long. And all the next day. Now I want to tell you there's no man in the Bible more called than this man. This man had a revelation of his divine call more than probably any man in the Old Testament. This is what God said to the man. I formed you in the belly. I knew you before you came out of the womb. I sanctified you. I ordained you to be a prophet to the nations. Do you remember what he said to the Lord? Lord, I can't speak. I'm just a child. Lord said, don't say I'm a child. You shall go where I send you. And whatever I command you, you shall speak. He said, don't ever fear man. I am with you to deliver you. Then the Lord put his hand on me. And he touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, I put my words in your mouth. This is the man who knew he was called. He knew what his mission was. God said, gird up your loins. Rise up and speak everything I say to you. Be afraid of no man. What he's saying, don't be impressed by their smiles. Don't be afraid of their frowns. It's an amazing call. Before the world was begun, sanctified in his mother's womb, given one of the clearest calls in the Bible, a man sure of his word, anointed to speak the mind of God. God made him this promise. I have made you a defensed city. I have surrounded you with iron and brass walls. I have made you impregnable city against your society, against kings and priests and all the people. They'll fight against you but they will not prevail against you for I'm with you to deliver you. He said, fear no man. Do as I've commanded you. Accept my call. And then these amazing words came. Lest I confound you before the people. When I first read that, it was like a knife in my stomach. I said, God, there's no man more service called than this man. You call him to pull down and reprove and build. And simply because he doubts that call, he said, I'm going to allow you to stand before the people and be confused. You will be confounded. Now this is an important word from the heart of God. This is what he's really saying to us. If you will not trust your call, if you will not trust what I've told you, if you doubt that I have made you an impregnable city, when you're doing what I told you to do, when you're obeying me, if you will trust me, you will never be confounded. No man can hurt you. He said, but if you will doubt that call, I'll confound you before men. I cannot tell you how important it is today to remember the call that God put on your heart. I've been preaching for over 50 years. I know the day, the hour, the time and the place God called me. I was eight years old. Eight years old. And the Spirit of God came on me in a big tent. For three hours under the Holy Spirit. And never once have I ever doubted that call. And if you doubt that call that God placed on you, if sitting here tonight, today, you cannot say to your heart and to God, I know I'm in your will. I am in your place. And I have the call of God on my life. Then you will be confused. And that's why you find ministers running all over the world. They come to America by the plane loads. They go to Toronto. They go to Florida, Pensacola. Some revival. They travel everywhere around the world looking for a message. Trying to confirm the call of God. One man met me backstage in a church. He said, I had a church of 600. I had a church. I have a church of 600 people. It's down to 400 people. I got a panic. So I took six months off. He said, and I'm going home tomorrow after six months. This is the last church before I go home. I've been to the revival in Toronto. Pensacola. I've been to all of the new movements. And in the service this morning, it's the first time I've even felt the presence of God. He said, do you have a word for me? I said, yes. And I turned to the dear wife. I said, here's what I see in the spirit. You used to be a prayer warrior. And you got discouraged. You don't pray anymore. You lost your burden. She started weeping. I turned to the pastor. I said, you didn't have to go any further than the secret clause of the prayer. That's where the revival was. That's where the word of God was. And because you're sitting in front of a television set now, and you're wasting your time, because you feel like a failure, I said, go home. Get back on your knees. Forget the crowd. You minister to Jesus. You come to the pulpit with the word of God. And every hungry person with a hundred mouths will come to hear you preach. I had a man from India come. He said, I came from India. God told me, you have a word for me. I said, I have two words. Go home. And pray. I'm not trying to be funny. God said, I'll let you be confused. I've been found you before men. Because you didn't believe the call. You didn't believe that I was able to give you your own words. I don't want to preach somebody else's message. I'd rather dig a ditch. You were called from your mother's womb. 1 Timothy 1.9 says, He has saved us and called us with the holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began. Paul the apostle said, I've been appointed to preach for which cause I suffer. He said, if you want to know why I suffer, because I was appointed and I was called and I know my work. I am called to suffer. Do you understand that we have all received the same call? Do you understand why we suffer? Because God has laid his hand upon us. And God has called us. He said, I know in whom I have believed. I'm persuaded he's able to keep that which I've committed on him against that day. Jeremiah reached a low point that night in torture. Now here's the man who's been so assured of himself. And now in his torture, listen to his words. Oh Lord, you have deceived me. I have been deceived. You are stronger than I am. And you have prevailed against me. And the Hebrew word for deceived means opened up. That's verse seven, chapter 20. You've deceived me. Now look at me, please. You know what he is saying? The word means opened up. This great prophet is saying, Lord, you've opened me up to delusion. You call me and allow me to be deceived and deluded. You call me, then you forsake me. Can you imagine what he's thinking? Because this rack is at the temple gate. And all the crowd that goes by there's the doomsday preacher. There's the man who preaches judgment. That's the negative preacher. And he said, I've been mocked. The word I preach is being mocked and they laugh at me. And you read the last part of the chapter. He said, I hate the day I was born. He said, my grave should have been my mother's womb. And when you read that, it sounds suicidal. Lord, why didn't you kill me? I cursed the day I was born. You've opened me up to delusion. We received a letter last week. A missionary who left the mission field 20 years ago. He's now driving a truck. And this is what he said in essence in his letter. I thought that God put me out in the wilderness. It just left me to swing in the wind. He exposed me to enemies. He forsook me. And I left confused. But he said, I have learned in the years since I left. I failed the test of a brokenness before God. He said, I used to be so self-assured. So self-assured. He said, I would go to missions conferences. And it seemed like every missionary had a burden, had some problems. But I smiled. And I put on this facade, this fake look. Because he said, I never put down roots. I was just a show. He said, I became very bitter. And he said, I did not go deep enough in God. I forgot what the Lord told me when he called me. He made me a promise that I forgot. He said, God told me, I will never fail you. I know what this night of torture is about. I'm not preaching you a sermon. I've been where Jeremiah was. I was an evangelist. Preaching to multitudes around the world. Sixteen years ago, the Lord told me to go back to New York City and raise up a church in Times Square. And God began to bless. He gave us one of the most beautiful theaters in New York City. And he filled it. And the newspapers carried these lines. Standing room only for Jesus on Broadway. The man we bought the theater from called me one day. He said, Pastor, you have the hottest show on Broadway. He said, it's not a show. After about five, six years, the devil tried to destroy the church and my ministry. Satan tried to destroy. Racial division. We have 103 nationalities. And one of the nationalities rose up. And suddenly it was black against white. And white against black. Just a handful. Nothing can destroy the work of God quicker than racial strife. We have a large contingency, large numbers of Puerto Ricans and blacks and all kinds of nationalities. Three of my trusted associates rose up against me. And suddenly there was strife. They accused me of almost everything a man can be accused of. They knew they couldn't accuse me of adultery or fornication. They were afraid God would strike them dead. But I remember the torture. Jeremiah is in the rack and he says, God, what's this all about? God, what's this all about? I've given my life for these people. My bowels, my bowels were boiling inside for them. I preached mercy with my judgment. I told them if they repent, God will forgive and restore. I told them if they repent, God will forgive and restore. You know I don't want judgment on these people. You allow me to be tortured. If I have sinned, show me my sin. If this is a lesson you're teaching me, give me the lesson. And I couldn't understand. I have a journal. I opened it last week before I came. Jeremiah was 24 hours in his torture. I was in it for six months. I can't read what I wrote. Because at the bottom of every page, this is what I wrote. Will this nightmare never end? I hated to go to my own church. Because every time I would come, young people would meet me even on the street. They say, are you the hypocrite they say you are? Are you a false prophet like they say you are? This group that rose up announced they're starting another church in New York City in a hotel and they invited everybody to come. You see, for about a month my wife had to literally pick up my arms to get me off the chair to go to church to preach. One Sunday, I was halfway to church. I said, honey, that's enough. I don't need this. They were calling my children. Trying to turn them against me. And when I heard that, I live on the 30th floor in a skyscraper. Look over the city. And I looked out the window weeping and I said, oh God, you're trying to turn my children against me. And my wife said, don't they know how dangerous this is touching God's anointed? I finally had no tears left. I never once mentioned it in the pulpit. And the day they announced their new church I was told 400 people attended their meeting. But the same Sunday, the same day while 400 people went this way, 600 new people came in in one day. On Sunday mornings, you come an hour early. Some come two hours early. You see them running into the church. Let me tell you why I didn't quit. The same reason Jeremiah couldn't quit. The same reason brother Earl of Stegan has never quit. And the reason no pastor here can quit. No Christian worker. No one who's been called to the work of God. Let me tell you why you can't quit. I read it to you. Here's what Jeremiah said. Lord, you deceived me. I was deceived. For since I speak, since I've been crying out, the word of the Lord has been a reproach unto me every day. Verse 9, then I said, I will not make mention of him. I will not speak his name anymore. Now look this way, please. What was he saying? I quit. It's enough. I'm tired of being mocked. You see, I had told my wife I don't need this. I'm a writer, I write books. I have a large mailing list. Why should I pastor these people when so many want to hurt me? This man of God says I'm not even going to mention his name. You can't soften those words. You can't change them. There comes a time when you're in the rack. You're going through a time of torture. And in prayer today, the Lord spoke so clearly to me. To especially address the sisters that are here. Some of you are in that dark night. God called you. He has his hand upon you. But now you're in a hard situation. You wonder if you really count. It could be family, it could be friends. It could be misunderstanding. So many things that bring this upon us. And you say that's enough. I don't need this. I'm not important to anybody. I've fasted and I've prayed and I've done everything I'm supposed to do. And I'm in pain. And when you're in this time you can talk to your husband. You can talk to a friend. They won't understand. Some of you are going through your dark night. Nobody on this earth can understand what you are going through. Your head is in the rack. And everything is twisted and turned. And I tell you my brother and sister there is only one way out. You see, when these times come can you imagine how many times it reads in Jeremiah and the Lord said but there comes a time and there comes a dark night sometimes and you may have heard 2,000 sermons and you may have gone through deep experiences in the past but at this time and this moment in your life you can't remember anything you ever heard before. You can hardly remember all the scriptures and all the experiences you have your entire history with Christ doesn't seem to help you this hour because you are overwhelmed. And I want to tell you you will be saying things and thinking things that are just like Jeremiah. Saying where are you God? You call me? I sacrifice for you? And I get nothing but pain. Children, family, marriage. Now let me tell you what the Holy Spirit told me. There is a wonderful spirit in this place. And I'm speaking primarily to those at KSB. I said Lord in an atmosphere like this it's impossible for people to be in the rock of pain. They sit under such powerful preaching. Everybody looks so sweet and holy everybody sounds so holy and I believe most people are holy. But here's what the Holy Spirit told me just an hour before I came here people in this kind of righteous atmosphere face the greatest test of all simply because of the call. To give and sacrifice. Nothing is as it appears. Because when I was going through my night of terror if I had come to a conference like this you would have seen a false smile on my face and I wouldn't tell you I wouldn't tell anybody that I was in a living hell. It's not because I didn't trust God. Do you understand that God did not reprimand this man? I dare you to show me in a scripture where he rebuked this man. He knew it wasn't coming from the heart the depths of the heart. It's just his head speaking out of pain. As if God is saying he's hurting but he's still my man. I called him from the womb. I'll let him let off some steam. But I know his heart. He will remember his call and listen to what the prophet said then I said I will not mention his name but a very important but his word was in my heart as a burning fire set up in my bones. The Holy Ghost came on him. He said Jeremiah remember you're an impregnable city. Forget what people say. Remember your call. It's a word I promised you. Remember that I sent you. I anointed you. Remember I told you they would be suffering but let it burn and that's why I didn't quit and I will never quit because there's a fire burning in my bones because I am cold and I don't care what you go through you're going to stand up today and you're going to say I am cold I'm going through a hard trial but there is a fire burning in my bones he said and I'm weary, I'm tired for holding it in I can't stop I must speak his word so no matter how I feel no matter what the devil lies to me about I am called by the Holy Ghost and no devil can kill you please stand oh hallelujah hallelujah I want to pray for the sisters I asked the Lord today why am I here I've loved your pastor here for years to come here to see what God is doing and I said Lord why am I here why is Gary here, why are we here the Lord made it very clear to me what's about to happen right now is one of the most important reasons he wants to bring healing and restoration to those that are under the rack of torture and pain I'm going to pray for every sister in this house and every brother that God will renew you and stir up that fire when it says in my bones it means my whole being I want every person that's called of God not just the preachers you may drive a truck or feed cows but God called you some of you have been thinking I've had enough you want to take an easier path but there's a fire let it burn let the Holy Ghost bring it back to your heart I want everybody in this house before you sit down for your next meal to go with rejoicing heart if you're with your wife you can take her hand and wife you can take the hand of your husband and say we are not going to run we are not going to quit we are called my God send the Holy Ghost now heal every sister in this house destroy every lie of the devil heal the hurt of every hurting person oh fire of the word of God come and remind us Satan cannot destroy me God has a wall of fire around about me don't be afraid to cry sister don't be afraid to weep before the Lord he's trying to heal you he's going to lift his spirit from you we take the authority of Jesus Christ the authority of Christ Jesus our Lord and we command these evil spirits that harass from the outside you have no rights my God set us free would you just worship him now just worship him tell him you love him tell him Lord I trust you speak the word of faith I am called of God thank you Lord thank you Jesus thank you Jesus could we just give him thanks just give him thanks speak the word of thanks thank you Jesus in just a few it won't be very long the next service my closing message is let's bow and pray thank you Lord for reminding us of our calling thank you for taking us back in spirit to the time when we heard the divine call may we never doubt may we never forget may we never forget and remember it as if it were today and then Lord remind us of our vows our promises by your grace we want to pay those vows we want to remember them as well and may all this burn in our bones and may there be nothing of the past the present and the future that will separate or deviate us from that divine call when the devil wants to dampen that fire and those flames let the miracle happen that that water won't turn into wine but turn into oil and that we'll be more aflame than ever before may everyone Lord everyone in our midst remember that divine call grant us the grace to be faithful to the end whether it's through life or death whatever it costs to your glory we ask it amen