97-Pro_31:10-31 (B)
LECTURE XCVII.
(Second Lecture.)
5. The next thing which marks the good wife is-dress and establishment, in accordance with her station and condition in life: verse Proverbs 31:22. "She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple." The station of the wife described is evidently that of the higher rank of life. Lemuel’s mother, being the mother of a prince, must be supposed to delineate the character of the wife of a prince,-although the elements of the character are such as ought to be found in wives of every degree. The character is an admirable one:-and its crowning feature is true piety. All the other features are in keeping with one another and with this. The obvious inference is, that it is not inconsistent in "a virtuous woman,"-in "a woman that feareth the Lord,"-to wear "silk and purple," or to have "coverings of tapestry" in her house.-Observe by the way, the latter is another of the fruits of her own industry. It is the work of her own hands:-"she maketh herself coverings of tapestry;" so that her very elegancies are associated with exemplary conduct, with the active occupation of her time.
It must be obvious that this is one of those subjects of a general description, which do not at all admit of anything like the precision of fixed and definite ride. The great matter is to be under the influence and the guidance of right principle-of a truly Christian disposition accompanied with sound and sober-minded discretion. The following remarks chiefly relative to dress, are in the spirit and partly in the letter of them, applicable also to furniture and household establishment generally. i. While, as I have said, it cannot be inconsistent with the other parts of the character described, for a woman to have "her clothing of silk and purple," when such attire befits her rank and station, yet, observe, the first attention is to comfort: (v. Proverbs 31:21.) "She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet." The word rendered "scarlet" is on the margin "double garments." The original word signifies double; but some consider it as referring to the double dip or dye of the scarlet or purple colour. The connexion, however, decidedly favours the marginal rendering. Now to this consideration of comfort, there is often manifested a very senseless disregard; a disregard such as would evidently have been a flaw in the character before us. There are women to be found, who dress both themselves and their children for display. Comfort or no comfort, they must, as the first pointy be fine and in the fashion. Winter or the dogdays, it is all one to them. If fashion and finery require them to shiver, shiver they must. They will risk the health of their families, and cherish the most pernicious principles in their bosoms, rather than not have them at the very top of the most approved style. Now, this is folly and something worse. The woman before you, makes the difference which nature and common sense point out:-silks in summer, and woollen in winter; single in sunshine, and double in frost and snow: "she is not afraid of the snow for her household;" for when the snow comes, she has not new clothing to make for it, but suitable raiment in readiness:-"all her household then are clothed in double garments." ii. Dress and general style should be opposed to extravagance:-that is, they should be in accordance with the real extent of a man’s or woman’s means. And the extent of means must be calculated by a variety of considerations; especially, there ought to be, in apportioning what is allotted to dress and furniture and accommodation, a due regard to the other claims of a family, such, for example, as those of education-for even these are sometimes sacrificed and stinted for the sake of what is external, what meets the eye and attracts the notice of the superficial and the silly;-also to the claims of the poor and of the cause of God,-which are many a time, even by professing Christians, placed in the background, and put in abeyance, when a fashionable article of dress or of furniture comes into competition with them,-although a less expensive one might serve the purpose equally well. This is not as it ought to be. I cannot believe that the wife described by Lemuel’s mother would for the sake of "silk and purple" to herself for clothing, have foregone another attribute of her character, in its practical and delightful exercise-"the stretching out of her hands to the poor,-the reaching forth of her hands to the needy." iii. These adornments of person and house should be opposed to vanity. There may be no small amount of this, where there is but little of extravagance. The dress may not be particularly dear; but there may be manifested, in the make and the adjustment of it, a great deal of minute and anxious care, and pains, and time. It may, though cheap, be gaudy and fantastic; or evidently and solicitously studied for the attraction of notice and admiration, and the setting-off of the person to advantage. What, on this subject, says the word of God to Christian women? "Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price," 1 Peter 3:3-4. * Such passages do not mean that no gold, no silver, no jewels, should ever form any part of female attire,-and that the hair must never be plaited, or in any way whatever ornamentally arranged:-for if you go thus literally to work, you cannot but see the conclusion;-that "the putting on of apparel" at all must, on the same principle, be dispensed with,-and "good works," with "a meek and quiet spirit," be substituted for clothing. This is utterly absurd. The meaning very plainly is-that in these things was not to consist "their adorning"-that these were not to be the things about them that attracted notice, or excited admiration, or that were the topics of conversation among others when they were spoken about. Christian temper and Christian character were rather to be what they studied, and were anxious to acquire; that they might be noticed and spoken of for their likeness in spirit to Christ, and for their works of charity and labours of love, rather than for the beauty and the taste, and the costliness of their dress, of aught about them that was merely external.
* See also 1 Timothy 2:9-10. iv. I need not say, that all must be opposed to the slightest approach to indecency. Everything of the kind must be studiously shunned by "women professing godliness;" and their example and influence should be united to discountenance and to put it down. v. None must be allowed to excuse themselves for tawdriness and filth, by pleading that they cannot afford to be fine. Let none thus excuse one extreme by pleading another. It is not the duty of those who can afford it to aim at being fine. But every one, in every station, can afford to be clean, and neat, and tidy:-and these are at a great remove from finery. It is surprising what a difference you may see in different females and their families, in these respects, on the very same means:-and to my mind, I confess, there is almost as much incongruity in the idea of a slovenly and nasty Christian, as in that of a vain, a proud, a lying, or a cheating Christian.
6. The next feature is-prudent, pious, gentle and affectionate converse:-verse Proverbs 31:26. "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Two things are here mentioned. They both form most valuable features of character. The first-"opening the mouth with wisdom," stands opposed to such things as these-the imprudent utterance of what ought not, in discretion, to be spoken:-the disclosure of confidential secrets, or what were such by obvious implication, if not by formal stipulation:-the silly, vain, frothy emptiness, which marks the conversation of too many. It includes also the expression of a sensible and well-informed mind; conversation that is cheerful, instructive, appropriate to season and to company,-and if witty, innocuously witty, never sarcastic or venomous:-also sound advice and counsel in cases that call for it: and a disposition to serious and religious converse-pleasure in speaking and hearing of divine things,-not for display of knowledge, far loss for pharisaical and sanctimonious pretension,-but, in "simplicity and godly sincerity," for the ends of mutual edification,-the pleasing and salutary reciprocations of Christian affection, and growth by such means, in grace and in meetness for heaven. The other good quality-"having in the tongue the law of kindness" implies that all she utters is in the spirit and in the manner of a gentle and benevolent heart,-ever manifesting a kindly disposition, and fear of unnecessarily offending. Her tongue, that "unruly member" in both man and woman, is under control; and the control is that of the spirit of amenity and good-nature,-the "meek and quiet spirit which is, in the sight of God, of great price." And the expression-"the law of kindness," represents the kindness of her speech, as the result of a principle of duty-of a sense of obligation. Love is the fulfilling of the law of God. It is its beginning, middle, and end; its universally pervading principle. She knows this; and she cherishes a corresponding spirit, and restrains every utterance that, either in the temper it indicates or the temper it may provoke, is out of harmony with this love. Temper, at an unguarded moment, may suggest and prompt, what a sense of duty will curb and keep back.-The expression further implies that kindness in her speech is the result of a. principle of uniform operation. This is an acceptation in which the word law is repeatedly used in scripture-and that, both in a good and a bad sense. It is thus that Paul speaks of the "law in his members" and "the law of his mind;"-the former, the principle of corruption, tending uniformly in one direction and towards one class of words and actions; and the other, the principle of grace, tending uniformly in the opposite direction, and to an opposite class of words and actions. "The law of kindness" is kindness operating with the uniformity and constancy of a law. The principle is, at all times, in all places, and in all companies, the same,-as a law does not shift and accommodate itself to persons and circumstances. There are tempers that have anything in them but the steadiness and uniformity of a law. There may occasionally be cases of gentleness and kindness, and everything as it ought to be, at home, in the family circle, when there is roughness, sulkiness, and illnature abroad. It is much to be feared, however, that the reverse is a more frequently exemplified case; all smooth and smiling, soft and sweet, courteous and kind in other companies, while the rudeness, and the frown, and the bitterness, and the peevishness, and the crossness and the discontent, and the complaining and the scolding, are reserved for home;-"words smoother than oil" for strangers-"drawn swords" for husband and family. It is to the domestic circle-the home-scene, that the description, in the first instance, refers;-but she whose tongue "the law of kindness" regulates there, will keep it under the same authoritative regulation every where else.-It may mean also, that, while she rules her own tongue by the "law of kindness,"-this very law is the most powerful and efficient means of duly managing her household. If her husband chances to be somewhat hasty in temper and cross in his ways, she studies his temper, soothes and brings him round, and manages him by "the law of kindness." By the same law she keeps her children in affectionate and cheerful subjection;-and by the same law she attaches her domestics, and procures the prompt and active service of grateful affection,-so that "whatsoever they do they do it heartily." There is vast power in this "law of kindness," and the woman here described, whether as a wife, a mother or a mistress, knows how to put and keep it in exercise. Her household, and the entire circle in which she moves, feel and own its salutary and. happy control. Generally speaking, it will be found, that even where authority is rightful, and the title to issue orders and require obedience unquestioned,-the tone and manner of kindness will go further towards procuring prompt, cheerful and efficient service than those of haughty and peremptory command. I speak in general. There are of course different tempers which require different treatment; and firmness may often be as necessary as kindness. The two are not incompatible.
7. I now come to the last feature in the character-namely, genuine piety,-true godliness-as the foundation of all the rest;-verse Proverbs 31:30. "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."
Though this stands last, it is very far from being least. Nay, mark well its position. It does not come in along with the rest, as forming one of them merely. It is a designation which includes in it all the rest. It is the sum of the whole. The woman described is "the woman that feareth the Lord;" and "the woman that feareth the Lord" is the woman described. Her fearing the Lord is the productive germ and pervading principle of the whole character:-so that, when the rest of it has been drawn, and it is asked-Where is such a character to be found?-the answer is-It is the character of the "woman that feareth the Lord,"-of every woman who is really under the influence of true religion. And this naturally suggests two observations, which may be of use to different classes of my hearers:-i. There may be external conformity to a number of the features of the character here described,-such as conjugal fidelity, and every attention to a husband’s and family’s comfort and well-being,-exemplary industry,-modest and becoming apparel, and discreet and prudent management,-while yet there may be no piety-no true religion. I should wish to impress the minds of such persons with the conviction, that, although the presence of such features of character and courses of conduct are vastly better for the temporal comfort and happiness of a family than their absence, yet, in the sight of God, and in His estimate of character, they are miserably defective and even worthless without this. In woman as in man, godliness is what He first demands. Where the heart is not right with God,-all is wrong. There are domestic scenes to be witnessed, presenting much that is amiable, and much that seems happy,-much of mutual affection, mutual cheerfulness, and mutual desire and promptitude to serve one another, to anticipate one another’s wishes, and to promote one another’s welfare,-where religion has no place; where there is no domestic altar erected to God; where God’s fear does not preside; where there is nothing beyond the dictate of natural affection. There are wives who, in all respects but this, set a becoming example, and seem almost all that you could wish them to be; and whose happy influence in the domestic circle is felt by every inmate and manifest to every eye. O how deeply one cannot but regret, in such cases, the absence of the "one thing needful!"-the absence of God! He is not there. There is not the semblance of family religion. God’s goodness is unacknowledged. God’s blessing is unsought. God’s love is unfelt. God’s authority is unrecognized. There is neither the secret devotion of the closet, nor the social devotion of the domestic church. It is a scene of seeming enjoyment; and yet it is a scene of atheism-of practical atheism. It is one of the many manifestations of "the goodness, and forbearance, and long-suffering of God," in which He withdraws not the fruits of his kindness, even although his hand is neither seen nor owned in their bestowment. And still further, the amiable exercise of the domestic affections, and discharge of the domestic duties, may be trusted in as the righteousness and the recommendation of the wife and the mother,-while the idea of self-renunciation and reliance on grace alone through the blood of atonement, is indignantly rejected!-We cannot fail, I repeat, deeply to lament the miserable defectiveness of all this, and the dishonour done by it to an excluded God. We sigh over the want. We say, O were God but there!-were the scene of natural amiableness and domestic peace and cheerfulness only hallowed by the presiding and pervading influence of the spirit of piety! Men of the world think this would spoil the scene:-Christians think it would perfect it. What a strange, false, unworthy conception of true religion must that be, which fancies it the bane of social happiness,-which imagines the entrance of God spoiling enjoyment! It only shows what erroneous conceptions of enjoyment and happiness are prevalent in the world. What can that happiness be, which God would spoil! to which Piety would put an end! Is either personal or domestic happiness worthy of the name, of which this is true?
Let all professors of religion, on the other hand, bear in mind, that there is no genuine piety that is not practical,-personally and socially practical. True religion must tell upon the character,-and that in all its departments:-and nowhere more than in the domestic circle. It is here that men and women appear in what may be called the undress of life. It is of the female character that I now speak. Now, as a woman may array herself in the garb of her Sunday finery when she goes abroad, and be an untidy slattern at home; so may the appearances of religion, both by men and women, be assumed in public and before the eyes of others, whilst at the domestic fireside all its amiable and lovely influence is laid by. I have no notion of this. Let me see men and women in the bosom of their families. What are they there? It is not what they are at church;-or what they are in the drawing-room or the convivial party;-or even what they are in the fellowship meeting where prayer is wont to be made:-but what are they at home? Much may go on there, of which the world knows nothing. Let me see the piety-the practical working piety-that displays itself in the mutual interchange of the kindly affections there,-and in the fond and faithful fulfilment of all the relative obligations of duty and of love. I have no idea of a godly woman that is not a good wife, a good mother, a good mistress. She cannot be pious as a woman, while she is careless as a wife and a mother, and unkind and unjust as a mistress. There is such a character as a spiritual gossip;-a gadabout after sermons and religious meetings,-a mighty talker, or a whining complainer of all that will not spend their time with her as cold formalists and "wells without water;" while home is neglected, and husband and family left to feel the want. It is a very sad thing, when such anomalies in character present themselves to the world:-when women who profess to be fearers of God are surpassed in domestic amiableness and dutifulness by those who make no pretensions to religion. These things ought not so to be. It is one of the many ways in which professors "lie against the truth." The truth disowns such characters. "Everyone who is of the truth" Christ says, "heareth my voice." And where does the voice of Christ tell any woman that she may neglect her husband, provided she waits upon God?-that she may neglect her family, if she but attends the prayer-meeting?-that she may scold and maltreat her servants at her pleasure, if she reads her Bible, and minds her private devotions? What notions of piety must she have-how utterly perverse and dishonouring to God and to his word, who can act as if such were the case! True piety is ever a practical principle. It consists not in mere notions; nor does it consist in mere religious exercises. It is a prodigious mistake thus to regard the region for the exercise of piety as lying solely in the acts of worship-of immediate communion with God. It is a principle that diffuses its influence over the entire deportment of life,-that regulates all its movements,-that gives its peculiar character to all its words and all its actions. "The woman that feareth the Lord" will show her fear of the Lord by her active diligence in all her conjugal, maternal, and other domestic duties. She will discharge all these, in the spirit of affection and with constant and persevering assiduity,-because they are the injunctions of the God whom she fears:-and she will infuse into them all the spirit of her religion,-so doing them, as that "the fear of the Lord" may not be hidden, but may be visible as the spring from which the sweet waters flow.