Effective Communication In Matrimony

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Telephone numbers 0703 03636 59, 0703 76811 98. Email address lsmediaatlivingseed.org or visit our website at www.livingseed.org. Let us sit back and listen as the servant of God brings forth the Word of Life. Communication between various facts is very, very critical.

Now, the Bible says that two are better than one, but that is if the two will harness the signage produced by effective communication between them. Proverbs 15.22 says, Without counsel, proposes are disappointed, but in the multitude of counselors, they are established. And honestly, the issue of counselor, God has provided your spouse as a gift.

That's the closest counselor. That ought to be that wise counselor by your side that foresees divine purposes to be established in your union and also concerning God's ordination for your life. It is as both of you get to reap from the counsel of one another, thoroughly rubbing yourselves with the wisdom of God, you will see that every purpose, every calling of God will be established.

Otherwise, it will be hollow. No matter how fast you think you can run alone. If you're not able to carry along the partner, you will be missing very salient counselors.

You know that you can have other counselors, but there is this one that is part of you, that is a sharer in your destiny. And he, day by day, stays with you and gets to know what is it that God has been saying about you both. So your partner is a wise counselor.

Again, Proverbs 18, 17 says, the first person or the first one to plead his cause seems right until his neighbor comes and explains. There is a neighbor, and your wife is that good neighbor that has the capacity to search you out, to help you see the other side of what you're seeing. Everyone, when you state the matter, ordinarily, it looks okay.

It looks all right. Everything appears perfect in your own eyes. But there is this neighbor that God has placed by your side to help see the two sides of the coin.

So it was the will of God, right from the beginning, that the compliment of your own seeing, of your own judgment, of your own discernment of situations, should be brought in by that, the seeing of your own wife, the hearing of your own partner. And you see that that's how you have a correct standing. So your partner is God's gift to you, and you need to value her or value him to produce good results.

Now, I want to take a few definitions as far as the topic we have stated, effective communication between you as a couple. Now, if the word effective simply refers to producing a result that is wanted, having or producing an intended or desired result, that is effective. Now, communication itself means the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors or actions to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc.

to someone else. So when we now talk of effective communication, therefore, between a couple, we are talking about using or applying the best words, sounds, behaviors to exchange information between the two of you in order to produce the desired results in your spouse. Now, the question is, what then is the required result or desired result in a marital union, the Christian marriage, of course, that we're talking about.

The desired result, it is to become one flesh in order to fulfill God's purpose of matrimony, namely, to produce the godly seed God is seeking on the earth. Now, this is very important that you get that understanding from beginning. The effectiveness you are talking about is as per God's own calling, God's own desire to see your marriage yield or produce godly seed upon the earth.

Both biological children that are godly, but more importantly, to have that divine impute that heaven ordained, that divine commission that God marked out for you, that it is your family unit, your marital union between you and your spouse, that will contribute that upon the earth. So when we're talking of fulfilling a fulfilling marital relationship or fulfilling matrimony, there's something God has in mind, and we're saying that's the desired result. And for you to have effective communication, it means you're actually coming to terms with all that God ordained for your marriage.

So before we tie in this general introduction, I just want to again say that effective marital communication is the sharing of yourself in such a way that your spouse can clearly understand the point you are conveying by word or deed. Communication is not yet effective unless you get the rightful feedback from him or her. That's when we say it is actually effective.

So communication includes verbal and nonverbal content, including the tone of your voice. All of that forms part of effective communication. Positive communication occurs by words, gestures, body language, and facial expressions.

And you can be sure that wives, they are much more interested, even in facial expressions. How did he say? Not just what he said. My wife, am I correct? Very correct.

That's what I heard her say. So it is important that we note that communication is not just about words. It includes gestures, it includes facial expressions.

So it is verbal, nonverbal, includes signs, and so on. So positive communication, as I've said, it has different parts. In a healthy relationship, therefore, partners ought to talk with each other freely and openly.

This makes it safe for you to voice your thoughts, sharing your joys, your fears, and your pains. Very, very important. Imagine that you have joys.

You have something that makes you very excited. You got good news or a happening that got you so happy. And there is no one you can share with.

You are not talking terms with your wife. That joy will nearly cost you. Because for you to be talking and laughing and jumping, and you are not able to share it with your wife, you see, there's a problem here.

Not to talk of a situation where you have pains. Certain pains, certain things that are burdening your heart, certain sorrows, and certain critical decisions. And yet, you are unable to share with your wife.

There is something that has caused a communication breakdown. You are not able to share with one another. That can be a serious problem.

Or you have certain fears, certain anxieties that are coming to your heart. And yet, you are not on good talking terms. Or you don't have space.

Your partner has no space to listen to you. He's too busy to hear you out. Or there is something on your own path.

You are just so reserved, you are not willing to open up. You are afraid of being, you know, you don't want to be vulnerable, so to say. You just want to keep to yourself.

You see, all of that, they create a situation that makes the family unheardy. Now, it's important for us to note all of this, as we are beginning, the very critical needs for us to have proper communication, free flow of communication. That's what we make our Marika, you know, fulfilled, first in ourselves, and the purpose of God, not to be frustrated in our hands at the end of the day.

And we just trust that God himself will help us as we make progress at this time. Praise the Lord. So, Sister Christine, what would you want to again add to this general concept and introduction on the matter of effective communication? I just want to say that Jesus brought out vividly to us a good example of being a good communicator to his spouse.

Just like we know that the illustration of marriage is exactly what Jesus did with his disciples. So, the first bride that he had, the bride that he lived with when he was here on earth, are the disciples. And we know that from the beginning, even in bringing the disciples, Jesus said, he that is doing miracles, they should follow him.

But the Bible said that in Matthew chapter 4, 19, that he called them and said, follow me. So, it is important that a husband or a wife would not assume that, ah, my spouse should know what to do. Even Matthew chapter 4 also shows that Jesus had to climb the mountain, and the disciples came to him, and he opened his mouth and spoke.

All through their journey, we would just hear Jesus speaking. He would speak in parables to others, but when he comes in, he would explain to the disciples. We know sometimes we discover that for many people in marriage, it's easier to speak to, it's often common for the spouse to speak a parable to the person, to the spouse, and not go outside and explain.

A man can sit down and counsel with another woman who spent one or two hours, but when the wife, when it's the turn of the wife, he will say, ah, time, there's no time. So, we are noting that God is expecting us to open our mouth and talk, even when he looks foolish. If we look at the disciples' relationship with Jesus, you'll see that there were some times that they did things that should have made Jesus to get offended and to speak to them anyhow.

We have instances. Even when Judas betrayed Jesus and came and kissed him, he still said, ah, friend, you are still very gentle. Now, when Lazarus died and Jesus was to go there to raise Lazarus, if you read very well that conversation, you wonder if something was wrong with the bride.

That's the disciples. Jesus was telling them that they are good friends, that they'll be eating and dining together, right? And he said, ah, if he died, if he slept, he would do well. Even when he said he had died, the next thing Thomas could say is, Lazarus died.

Foolish talk. And Jesus contained all of those things and still moved on together. So, we are seeing that opening our mouth to talk, we should not assume.

When Jesus was sorrowful unto death, he told them, I am sorrowful unto death, come and pray with me. So, the Lord will help us to know that communication is very important. You may assume because two of us are one, I know what is in your mind and you know what is in my mind.

No, it's not like that. Open your mouth like Jesus showed us and speak. Praise the Lord.

Hallelujah. Thank you very much. Now, we take a step further.

Now, we look at the biblical fundamentals of healthy communication. What generally does the Bible have to say about healthy communication? About effective communication? About the communication that has to take place? We'll be applying them specifically to preach. We see that generally the Bible has instructions for us on the matter of effective communication.

Communication that is healthy. Now, we read a number of scriptures. James chapter 3, all the way from verse 2 to verse 12.

But we are not going to read the entire place. We only need to get at verse 8 and then stop at verse 12. Let's take 8 to 12.

The entire discussion is right from verse 2. Yes, you can proceed. James 3, 8 to 12. But the tongue can no man tame.

It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Dare we bless ye God, even the Father, and dare we curse ye men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceeded blessing and cursing.

My brethren, these things ought not so to be. But the fountain sent forth at the same place sweet water and bitter. Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear only berries? Either a vine feeds.

So can no fountain, both yield salt water and fresh. Right. Can you also take from verse 5 to verse 6? Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.

Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindlet. And the tongue is a fire, a word of iniquity. So is the tongue among our members, that it defiled the whole body, and set it on fire because of nature.

And it is set on fire of hell. All right. Talking about the tongue.

Now let's proceed to read more scriptures before we make further comments. Proverbs chapter 15. Proverbs 15.

We read verse 1, verse 4. And then we also read 16, I mean chapter 16, chapter 18. Just a few of the references dealing with the matter of speaking. Proverbs 15, 1 and 4. A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness, daring, is a breach in the spirit. All right. Then chapter 16.

Let me read verses 23 and 24 of Proverbs 16. The heart of the wise teacheth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips. Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Then chapter 18. Proverbs 18. I read 21.

Maybe we also take it in a simpler translation. Proverbs 18, 21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Message.

Proverbs 18, 21 says, Worse kill, worse give life. They are either poison or fruit. You choose.

You choose. All right. Thank you.

Then the same Proverbs 29, 11. Proverbs 29, 11. Then we pause a bit.

Proverbs 29. Read verse 11 now. A fool altereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

Yes, I think we have simpler translation in that. NLT. Message.

NLT says, A fool gives full thanks to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back. Thank you. Right.

So we are seeing the delicate nature of words. The delicate nature of communication and how important it is. How important it is for us to be very, very careful in the handling of our words.

First, the Bible talks of the tongue as a fire. It's powerful. It's likely to fire.

It can devour. It has the capacity to move a whole building, to bring down a whole building, to burn up a whole city. And yet it's very tiny.

Yet it's very small. And that tells us that words have capacity. And just as Proverbs says, it has the power of death when it is used negatively.

It has the power of life. It can be a tree of life when it's used positively. And say, you make your choice.

Say, you choose which one. And the Bible tells us in James again that the mouth, I mean, the tongue of the Christian man was meant for blessing. It cannot be used for cursing at the same time.

It must not be the fountain that produces both bitter and sweet waters at the same time. That this ought not to be so. So you hear the Bible here and there charging us with the issue of correct, proper usage of our words, of our communication to do good, to bless.

We have been empowered to bless, not to curse, but empowered to use the words rightly and reap the benefits thereby. So we are noting all of this from scriptures, and we need to live by them. Say, a soft answer turns away wrath.

Can you imagine that? No matter the intensity of offense with which, you know, you have grieved your partner. In the midst of that tension, into, you know, a humble response, you know, a proper presentation can break down, you know, every tension that was building up. You can melt it, and it says all over the place that the issue of the tongue, the issue of words, they are very, very critical for us in order to carry on what we produce proper effectiveness in our marital relationships.

Praise the Lord. Sister Christie, I think you're coming on this as we get on. Okay.

All right. So let me just go on to say that words, as you have said, they are powerful. And the Christian man's or woman's tongue has been empowered to do good.

You cannot afford to use the tongue to destroy. Words don't mean anything in themselves. They have capacity to do good.

Also, they have capacity to destroy. Now, if we note this, couples must therefore speak to each other with the uttermost caution of wisdom. One of the translations says that to speak well is to attract or provoke a kiss from your spouse.

They will kiss the mouth of him that answers correctly. So when you speak right, when you speak positively, when your communication is correct, it will only provoke, you know, an intimate affection from your partner. And that will be a blessing rather than a problem.

Again, from these passages, we are noting that it is important for us to caution and to tame the tongue. And we'll be going ahead to know what God desires for us to do in order to tame this tongue, in order to steadily keep it under proper usage to bless our partner and not to destroy. Now, if you also look at the scriptures, like us to look at Matthew's gospel, chapter 12, verse 34.

Matthew 12, 34. And then Luke speaks for the heart. Matthew 12, 34.

O generation of vipers, how can you, being able, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. All right. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.

And in Luke 6, 45, the Bible says, a good man out of the good treasure of his heart, bringeth forth that which is good. And an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart, bringeth forth that which is evil. For of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaketh.

Now, we have been talking about speaking right, but again, we are seeing that your speech is only an outflow of the abundance of the heart. So the starting point of speaking right is to have the right heart, to have the correct heart, to have a heart that has been transformed. A heart that is not a heart of stone, but a heart that has been exchanged with the heart of flesh.

And when we get at that, that is the beginning point of right words. A man cannot speak right when his heart is wrong. To have the right heart, that's where Jesus comes in, to bring that transformation.

Now, even when you have become a Christian, thank God you have a new heart as a new Christian man. Again, you have to grow the mind of Christ. So if you look at chapter 2, verse 5, the Bible says, let this mind which was in Christ Jesus, let it be in you.

So you have to nurture the right mind, the right to reset the setting of your own mindset. So that the thinking mode of Christ, the thinking mode of the Lord Jesus, may become your own thinking mode. And then your words will be right.

That is very critical as we go on. Now, those are the issues we see the Bible emphasizing for us to do a proper communication. Now, can you get to tell us something about the next point? Growing into Christ's likeness as another fundamental in effective Christian communication.

In having a healthy communication between the spouses. How does the issue of growing into the life of Christ become useful for us? Actually, when we are talking of a Christian marriage, we cannot remove Christ from it. When we are talking of a Christian marriage, we are talking of people that are in Christ.

And what would bring our marriage to the point of fulfillment or fulfilling the purpose of God for it, for instituting it, is simply as we grow in Christ. Because the natural man cannot do better than who he is. The Bible says that the natural man cannot lose God.

And that is very clear. He is even in enmity with God. So how can he lose God? The way Christ is in us, and we are really growing in Him, would be growing in His character.

When we go to Ephesians chapter 4, verse 15, I'll take it from King James. Okay, I'll take it from King James first. But speaking the truth in love, you may look into Him in all things, which is the head, in whom Christ.

Now the next translation says, God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love, like Christ in everything. We take our need from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. We take our need from Him.

We are to grow up in Him, and to know the truth, the whole truth, and to tell it in love, like Christ. So when we grow more and more in Christ, we will do things like Him. We will communicate like Him.

We will not communicate from our own instinct or the way we love Him. Actually, the Bible is full of ways that Jesus, wonderful ways that He communicated. When we get to Revelation chapter 2, verses 1 to 7, I don't know if our time will permit us to pick it, but I know there is a common passage that we know.

Where Jesus, the revelation of Jesus that is talking about giving some messages to the churches. When He came to Ephesians, the church in Ephesus, the first thing that He started with, He would first of all say the good things that was in them. When He finished the good ones, He would say, nevertheless, I have this against you.

And He would say, now repent of this and come back again. And He would still mention good things. In communication, if we are going to get it right, we will do it like Jesus.

And the way Jesus communicated, even when He was trying to rebuke the people. When He came with a heavy matter, as heavy as they losing their first love. He did not just first of all say, you have lost your first love.

He first of all commended them for some things. So, in communication, we have to do it. When we are discussing, when we are communicating our passage, we must do it like Jesus did, in love.

Yes, He will not lose the truth. He will speak the truth, but He will speak it in love. When He met His disciples, in John chapter 21, verses 1 to 6. We will remember.

Look at the whole plan of His, gathered them, trained them, made them to become fishers of men. But immediately He turned. Peter carried several people and they went back to fishing.

When He came there, I expected Him to rebuke them. But He calmed them, rather prepared the fish that was their trouble. Gave them to eat.

And now started talking to them. And we know that the way He did it, it was so effective that we never heard that they returned to the river. So, we see that when we grow in Christ, we will communicate like Him.

And we are going to get effective results. Let me also remind you that all of us, we are rebels. We were born rebels.

We were born sinners. But Jesus used His own wonderful way of communicating and brought us to Himself. Today we are Christians, not because we are angels, but because Jesus did that work.

So, growing in Christ is going to make us to become great communicators. And it's going to cause our marriages to come together and to fulfill the purpose of God. Amen.

Thank you very much. We are realizing that the Bible has so much to say in setting for us what actually is the proper communication. That we bring effectiveness in our matrimony.

We note also that speaking the right words at the right time. The timeliness of our speaking is important. The Bible has something to say about that.

In Ecclesiastes 3.7 it says, for every purpose of the earth there is time. There is time to speak and there is time to keep quiet. When you ought to speak and it's time for it, then you should speak.

So, speaking timely is very important. Isaiah 54 says, the Lord kept witnessing me morning by morning. He speaks to me.

There's a timing that makes my hearing sharper. There's a timing that makes communication much more effectual. Proverbs 25.11 says, a word spoken fitly, spoken timely, spoken at the right time, is like apples of gold in the settings of silver.

So, there's a timeliness in speaking. And another translation says, it is like custom-made piece of jewelry. And a wise friend's timely reprimand is like gold ring slipped into the finger.

Now, that's very important. People, when you speak, certain things are best spoken at certain times. Your husband just comes in from work or from a journey after a long stressful time out.

And just at the point he's needing, you know, just to take his meal, you are bringing a heavy matter that will completely unsettle him. That's untimely. That's not a proper time.

So, effectiveness in communication also has to take cognizance of this as well. So, the Bible talks about that in various ways. And we are needing to note all of these as the basic issues the Bible raised about effective communication.

Now, we go ahead to look at the requirements and skills for effective marital communication. There are certain requirements, there are certain skills that we need to employ. Some of them might be a bit technical, but it's okay.

There are tips that are helping us to ensure that we'll be able to properly pass the message. Because what makes communication effective, as you said, it must be properly conveyed. And the recipient must give you a feedback.

And you must have your intended result for sending that information. So, if you speak and it doesn't get through, then you have not communicated. Now, the first skill we note is togetherness.

Friends, we note that there is a need to give time to togetherness. The Lord Jesus himself, which my wife referred to earlier on, when he began to give his disciples attention, we see that even at the point he had to call them, in Mark chapter 3, from 13 to 14, you see that Jesus had to take time out to call them to be with him. To sit with him, to stay with him, to interact with him.

You cannot improve in communication if your time and space for togetherness is very poor. Your communication will not be effective. There must be time to interact.

There must be fun, there must be friendliness. I don't know any two friends that don't enjoy one another's company. And marriage entails that.

So, togetherness. Remember when you were courting? You were never tired of staying with your partner, your prospective wife or husband. You always valued your time together.

Now, as a couple, this is equally important. Togetherness. Now, regularity or frequency of speaking to each other is also a key skill.

You don't have to talk today and then the next time of talking is next week. How can that work? And that's why people who are married by correspondence, you have your communication with the poor. You know, you choose to live in Lagos and another one is living in Port Harcourt.

And you are there for two, three, four, five years. How do you live by that? And how do you hope that the communication will be right? We need to note that it has to be often. And you create that regularity because we don't have all the time.

That is why my wife and I make casual. How do we ensure that we are more regular in our communication? Because by the virtue of our work, our calling, there is a lot of movement. There is a lot of activities.

You are also a woman of God. So how do we cope? Praise the Lord. Hallelujah.

The only secret of how we normally cope is that we learn to do things together. When we are away, we know we are away. Once we are back, we do everything together.

We eat together. We bathe together. We sleep together.

We pray together. We study together. In fact, we read books together.

I know sometimes we play together. We plan together. Sometimes we have one copy of books.

We could just carry two of us. You read this paragraph, this person will read. Because I discovered that sometimes, especially when we marry newly, even now, sometimes if we get busy, he wants us to read a particular book.

And when I'm busy doing something, he will come and he will be reading it. So sometimes I will run and carry it until I run away. I say, come on, wait for me.

Let me go and do that thing you sent me to do. So we've learned to play together, relax together, and do everything together. And that helps us.

Several important decisions. We could take it as we are doing those things. And we could just plan and say, let's leave today for planning.

No, it comes spontaneously. Right, it comes spontaneously. So just like Jesus with his disciples, the questions that they raise are different from the teaching in several cases.

You said not only when we are together. Sometimes when we are far off, we also get to talk. We're talking on phone.

Sometimes the WhatsApp audio is not enough. You say, can you put on the video? Let me see your face as I'm talking. All of that.

So there are needs for that regularity. Do you? Yes. Yes.

And you also know that Song of Solomon, the book we call Song of Solomon, Song of Songs, is actually a book of continuous speaking between two partners, between a couple. This one will speak, the other one will speak. They were never tired of communicating.

That is very, very useful as a skill. Now, let me hear you. What is the place of spiritual growth? I think we have mentioned that in Christ.

That is another skill. That's another skill. Yes.

Praise the Lord. I know that I'm believing that the papers we get to us is already posted to the different centers. So when we get it, we see some of the high points that are written there.

We thought of spiritual growth in Christ, which we've already said something about. Transparency, the finance relationship, all of them, they were naked and they were not ashamed. Well, being open to compromise, shock absorbing, free to err, ready to forgive and forget.

This is very, very important. It's important in communication to be open, to be able to describe and to share with your partner where you're struggling, where you're failing, where you're having challenges. Sometimes the hide and seek makes something that would have been solved, a problem that would have been solved earlier, to last without communication.

The way you communicate, the partner will know how to pray. But there's something that is added, there's shock absorbing. It's important that each partner, as they're growing in Christ, they have enough shock absorbing.

It's not when, maybe for instance, one spouse, maybe the husband comes and says, oh, somehow I see my heart is turning towards, is trying to be attracted to somebody and I want you to pray with me. The wife is already crying and saying, eh, you mean? The man that would have wanted to be shared with me, just carry the whole, withdraw everything inside and say, if I'm telling you that something is trying to, you're already believing I've already done it. So we need to have shock absorber, absorb other people's thoughts and be able to know what to do.

So when there's problem, discuss. When it's going well, discuss. We want to get to communication destroyers.

Okay, just before that, to be able to, again, say to us that the issue of transparency is very, very critical in communication. And we need to take that to heart. According to Genesis 2, both naked, the man and the woman, and they were not ashamed.

All the places my wife has highlighted, we are just seeing that the scriptures have imputes on it, here and there. And you can look at them on your own. All right, let's go on.

The communication destroyers and enhancers. What could they be? What are the wrong and right ways of communicating? What could enhance or destroy? Yes, Dr. Esteem, go ahead. Number one, we think there is communication like two cartoons.

We must know that in communication, the God's own organogram must be observed. The Bible says the man is the head and the wife is also the helper. Even in communication, the wife's communication should also take that cognizance of the fact that she has come to help and not to be the captain.

And I know that this thing is a very big challenge for women. Because we have that desire, especially a correct woman that God has shared the vision of what the woman should be, we'll always have that pressure to see the husband become that overnight without being patient. So sometimes we discover it becomes very difficult for the man to handle.

And I saw communication actually does not achieve anything. Sometimes the man will feel you are pushing him. But we need to communicate knowing that we are helpers.

Communication without being mindful of what to achieve, that's another destroyer. When you are communicating, there's something you want to achieve. There's something you want to get.

There is something that is a target. Maybe a change, maybe a harmony. There's a way you will communicate, there's a way you will talk, and you will lose that.

So even when something is difficult, it's also important to depend on the Holy Spirit. The Bible says that self-control, that the part of the foot of the spirit is self-control. Depending on the Holy Spirit and asking him how will I communicate, how will I say this thing so that it can work.

Another one killer is mounting pressure or fault finding because of the desire to produce the best in your partner. This one, I struggled with it when I married Naomi. Because when God was showing me whom I was going to marry, God was already telling me that I just jumped in to fulfill that purpose.

So I could mount pressure and I would say, no, in this one, let's get it like this until the Lord started teaching me. Because what I thought should I abuse was really rather demobilizing the man that I came to help. So until the Holy Spirit showed me that revelation too and I saw God's help.

Communicating, communication that is not imposing number four. Like Manoah's wife in Georges 13, 2-7. When the angel met her, she didn't go to the Muslim and say, ah, the angel came to me today.

No, he said the man of God came. And the likeness described it in their mind. Even when the angel came back, when Manoah prayed and the angel came back and instead of going to Manoah, he still came back to the woman.

The woman was not proud. He didn't go there and say, I don't know why this angel cannot come and see you. Maybe you are not living well.

You know, sometimes we women, well, let me use that word. Sometimes we appear more spiritual. Sometimes we like spiritual things more than men.

We are more religious than men. So sometimes you just see that this is your husband. This is my husband.

He's not spiritual at all. So we can be imposing. We can even intimidate them.

If the man is just praying gently as God is helping him. Oh, Lord, we thank you. You just come behind as if your own spirit is more than every other spirit and the man feels intimidated.

Communication is not imposing. It's not, you don't intimidate your wife. So five, communication with compassion like Joseph and her, his own brothers.

Communication with passion. Joseph displayed Jesus' kind of forgiveness as he saw the level of change in Judah by the way he interceded for Benjamin. He was compassionate.

He was gentle. Number six in communication. Communication that draws from personal hearing of God.

You hear God. When you communicate, you hear God and God tells you what to do. The communication is better.

But let me mention a few things that can destroy communication. Over-talking. You talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.

If the man is not talking, especially for us women, just keep quiet. Allow him. Later you can continue.

Under-talking. Fast-talking. Slow-talk.

Loud-talk. Quiet-talk. Angry-talk.

Assertive-talk. Abusive-talk. All of these, they can destroy communication.

And it's also very important to note that in communication, just like he who made them from the beginning, made them male and female. They are not the same. And because they are not the same, the way they respond in communication is not the same.

And we need to be very careful in doing that. Praise the Lord. Hallelujah.

Thank you, Sister Christy. As we round off, I'd like to just note that communication must take into cognizance the differences between male and female. And you can read that all in the book No More Too by Rorakula Goni.

And you will glean certain things that will aid you as you understand the peculiarities of the male and the peculiarities of the woman. It also affects communication. We find out that the hearing of words by a man usually does not involve emotionality.

But for a woman, the opposite is the case. The woman mixes communication with emotions. The female's mind is fashioned to think in terms of details and to think meticulously, while a male thinks in concrete terms and objectives, what to achieve.

A man's mind is designed to receive, to store, and dispense information in compartments for the woman like an open storeroom without shelves. So what comes in first has to be properly attended to for others to have space. That's why you cannot just pack many things on the woman's head without resolving the one she raised with you first.

So now for the female, words are precious. They are highly treasured like silver and gold. So this involves both positive and negative words.

So if you bring positive words that are affirming a woman, that are cherishing a woman, words that are uplifting, words that accentuate the positive aspects, your words will be enriching for her life and she will treasure them, she will store them. Words of love, words of affection. The same thing when you bring harsh words, terrible words.

It takes time before a woman realizes that. And so the man has to know the difference. Females use words to build relationships, while men use words to merely express facts.

So when we are speaking, we need to observe all of this. So as we come to the end of the seminar, I'd like you to at this time just plead with God who is able to help us that your own communication may actually take a fresh turn today to become effective, to become that which will make your partner to have a free flow with you, that nothing be lost. Holy Spirit, we take the matter beyond here, that each one that has had you this day will experience a lifting in this matter of communication.

Anywhere there has been hitch, any couple that is operating in a lock-up, today, let that ice be broken and let there be a free flow in their spirits. Grant to God that each one of us will grow and develop better in our communication, that we begin to see effectiveness even in that which you have called us to do. Thank you for hearing our prayers.

In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. Sister Christy, say amen.

Amen. Thank you very much.