In this sermon, Brother Denny discusses the topic of discipline and its importance in raising children. He emphasizes the need to approach discipline with a spirit of love and compassion, rather than anger. Brother Denny encourages parents to take the time to properly discipline their children, even if it may seem like a lengthy process. He also emphasizes the importance of seeking guidance from God and allowing Him to lead in the discipline process. After the spanking, Brother Denny emphasizes the need for affirmation and comforting the child, showing them love and understanding.

Hello, this is Brother Denny. Welcome to Charity Ministries. Our desire is that your life would be blessed and changed by this message. This message is not copyrighted and is not to be bought or sold. You are welcome to make copies for your friends and neighbors. If you would like additional messages, please go to our website for a complete listing at www.charityministries.org. If you would like a catalog of other sermons, please call 1-800-227-7902 or write to Charity Ministries, 400 West Main Street, Suite 1, AFPA, 17522. These messages are offered to all without charge by the free will offerings of God's people. A special thank you to all who support this ministry. Okay, we're going to continue on with the subject of discipline. I am going to get very practical in this next session. Again, the title of this message is A Sacred Exercise. A Sacred Exercise. I don't know if you've ever looked at spanking that way, but I hope to convince you this evening that it is indeed one of the most sacred exercises that you can do. So I want to get practical in this session as we continue to look at the principle of chastisement in the Bible. I'm very burdened about how parents spank their children. Many have carried the principles of discipline to extremes, and I hurt over it. This is one of the major areas that motivated me to preach the series on the home over again. I have heard some stories that make me weep, and I realize that somehow some people are grabbing one tape on disciplining children and thinking this is the answer to every woe in my home. And it's not. I tell you it's not. And so I'm very burdened that we understand this subject properly. I fear that some will lose their children, having them taken away from them, because they're carrying this principle to extremes. That's my burden. I desire to give a balanced view of loving discipline and call parents to face some of their own needs rather than always turn to the rod to change the child. If you are a parent who lives in the flesh and not in the spirit most of the time, this is not good. If you are a parent who is plagued with discouragement as the hours go by in your day, this is not good. If you are a parent who is full of bitterness and anger, and you live your days with all of that seething inside of you, this is not good. If you are a parent who hates yourself and you think you're trash and you're good for nothing, this is not good. These are major needs in your life, and you need help. You need help. Spanking is a sacred exercise. It is one of the most spiritual aspects of child training. It is one of the most spiritual aspects of child training. If you are in such a state as I described just a moment ago, your child is affected by your state of being. To try and correct it out of them with a rod in the condition that you are in is an utter tragedy and a gross perversion of the truth. This happens all the time. Just imagine how it is. Here we have somebody with many deep needs in their life. They're trying to be spiritual, but they're not walking with God. They want to do what's right, but things aren't going well with them. They struggle with bitterness and anger. How do you think that shakes out when they relate with their children? They begin to see their children through the eyes of their bitterness and their anger. They begin to spank them that way, and all kinds of confusion sets in, and it does not come out right. I am not saying don't spank your children. I am saying out of sincere love, get help for yourself. Then rise up in the free flow of the grace of God and lovingly spank your children. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying this to scare you away so you won't spank your children. I'm saying it so that you out of love will say, I must do something with my own heart. It is not right to whip it all out of your children when you are a mess on the inside. It's not right. I am going to attempt to explain how we spank our children in this session. This is a tender subject to me, and I have many sweet memories to draw from. That's why I call it sacred, because it is holy, and it ought to be sanctified with the presence of the living God every time you do it. Remember how I described God and I building a house a couple sessions back there? You know, His hand on my hand? Well, this is one of those sacred times when God puts His hand on my hand and we both spank our children, our children, His and mine. It is not easy thing to spank a child. It's not fun. I admit that. I get no kick out of it whatsoever. In fact, because there is a tender love between us, that makes it even harder to do. But for true love, we do what is right. Spanking is given in the context of a sweet flow of love between parent and child. This alone will take care of most of these perversions that I've mentioned already. Just that flow of love. You know, people come to me and say, Brother Denny, what about this? And what about this? And how do you know this? And how do you know that? You know? You know what the answer to that is? You need to be clear with God and full of love for your child. You'll know what to do. God will give you the wisdom. I searched my heart for a verse that best expresses how I feel when I think about this whole subject of spanking my children, my own children. And this is the verse that God gave me in Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 11. Listen to this verse. Now, no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous. It's not joyous, but grievous, grievous to the child and grievous to the parent. It's grievous. Nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. That takes this sad joy and explains it so clearly from my own heart. It is sad. It's a grievous thing. But yet it brings forth beautiful, peaceable fruit. And therefore, we find some joy in doing what is right in the sight of God. We take 15 to 20 minutes to spank one of our children. That may seem like a long time to you. You may say, well, brother, I don't have that much time to spank my child. Well, I want to encourage you. If you will practice this holy task and do it the way that I'm going to describe to you, you will not have to do it as often. I promise you, you will not have to do it as often. Step into the water. Try it. You'll see. There are times when a short discipline is in order. I agree with that. But if a parent consistently just grabs the child and gives them a few frustrated swats, you will be giving them swats many, many times a day and every day. There is a better way. And God has it. The next point. Never spank the children in anger. Never. I mean that. We do not spank the children in anger. This is a grave mistake, brothers and sisters. It is not allowed. It is not allowed. Just like drinking whiskey is not allowed. Just like smoking cigarettes is not allowed. It is not allowed. I pray that God will put a holy conscience in us that will never allow us to spank our children in anger again. Many times parents come to me at meetings and open their hearts up to me. You know, in innocence, they come and they say, Brother Denny, pray for me. I listen to your tape and, you know, I still have a problem with anger. I'm still spanking the children with anger. But we're working on it. You know, pray for me. You know, and I tell the dear person when they come, I tell them, oh, oh, my dear person, you can't do that. You can't ever do that again. I mean, the way I look at it, that person may as well come up and say, Brother Denny, I just want to let you know I'm kind of having a problem with adultery. I'm working on it. Please pray for me. But I'm still doing it. But we're trying. I mean, what would you say to somebody who said those words to you? You tell them, get on your knees and repent right now. Don't get off your knees until you know that God has dealt with the adultery in your heart. And that's how I believe we need to look at this whole matter of spanking our children in anger. Don't spank your children in anger. You need help if you're doing that. You desperately need help. I pray that God would draw a line in your conscience, just like your conscience says, I will not steal. And we don't, do we? My conscience says, I don't drink whiskey. And I don't. No questions. No problem. I will not spank my children in anger. That's the bottom line. Strong words. I know they're strong words. But just think with me. What is happening to your children while you're playing around with it and trying to do better? What is happening to your children? Do whatever you have to do to get free of this devastating plague. You know, the laws of our land are changing. And some of us are going to be forced to deal with our anger or we will lose our children. Many of the child abuse cases are child abuse cases because parents spank their children in a rage. And hit them where they shouldn't have. And hit them harder than they should have. You must deal with your anger. For the sake of God, who is being terribly misrepresented. And for the sake of your children, who are being warped by your spanking them in anger. Please get some help for your anger. You don't have to be angry. God can deliver you. Jesus is a deliverer, my dear friends. You can be delivered from that. You never have to get angry again. Where's the power of God? You can be delivered, I'm telling you. And look back and say, I never get angry. Hallelujah! That's right. That's how it really is. Praise God. Until you get free from this spirit of anger. And I'm telling you, with some of you, it is a spirit of anger. Not just anger problem. Until you get that thing taken care of. Whatever it is. Send the child away to a room to wait. Let yourself calm down a bit. Don't go into that room until your heart is calm. And then you go in there and you lovingly spank your child. I plead with you. In Jesus name. What is our view on chastisement? Let's consider that just a little bit here. Many parents are missing the whole concept of chastisement. It is not judgment meted out for doing wrong. It is correction for wrong with the hope of future good. There's a big difference between the two of those. A big difference. Judgment being meted out for wrongdoing. Or correction with hope for future good. Conduct and godly character. You look at it and see why God spanks us. Why? He wants to produce peaceable fruit of righteousness in our lives. That's why God is spanking us. He's not meting out punishment on us. He's our father. Some of us have a wrong view of chastisement. If we are meting out judgment and punishment, we feel more justified to be angry. You know? You've been wrong and you're going to get it now. I'm the one that's supposed to bring judgment upon you for what you've done. And you're going to get it. Oh, put those words far away from your heart and your vocabulary. But we feel more justified that way if we have this punishment mentality. I've got to met out judgment. My child was wrong. We feel more justified to be angry. Right? God hates sin. Right? Yeah, well, aren't you glad that God doesn't deal with you that way when you sit? Think about it. Think about it. I'm glad God doesn't deal with me like that. Many parents have this false concept that it's alright to walk into the room with fire in their eyes, a paddle in their hand, a loud voice speaking words of condemnation and judgment. And I feel that is wrong. That is not how you spank a child. But many think that's right. I've heard teachers say those kind of things. I've heard teachers say, Don't give them any comfort. They've been bad. Let them have it. Well, you may be saying by now, Brother, I can't do it. I can't do it. I just can't. Well, you're right. You can't. That's why you need to be so yielded to God that God can put his hand upon your hand and you'll be able to do it right. We can't do this except we'd be filled with God. Your children are sinners. I want to make this point. Your children are going to fail. Plan on it. Expect it to happen so you don't lose it when they do something wrong. You know how parents can be sometimes. Plan on it. They're going to fail. God has placed them under our care because they need help. Amen. That's why he has them in our homes. Because they need help. Sometimes I think we think they're supposed to be saints. No. God has placed them in our care so that they can be nurtured, so they can be trained, so they can be guided, so they can be disciplined, so they can be led someday to the Lord Jesus Christ. And get a new heart. Amen. That's why God has put them in our care. Somehow I think we got the thing mixed up. We get upset at them when they do something wrong. Grab them by the scruff of the neck. You know, why did you do that? Don't you know? We don't understand what's going on. That's not how we should be looking at it. When the children fail, I see it as an opportunity to train them in character. It is time to have a lesson. Only this one has some pain in it. It's just another one of the lessons of training children. Many times we parents get frustrated with our children because of our own pride of what other people will think when our children do something wrong. I'm afraid that the children get the brunt of that more than what we would like to admit. We have had to resist this temptation as I became known as the man who preaches on the godly home. The expectations of the people can be difficult to live with. But my children are just like yours. They make mistakes. They do things wrong. They do dumb things sometimes. No big deal. That's why they're in my home. So that I can train all those things out of them. Let's look at how I spank the children. I try to spank the children in the same manner that God spanks me. That seems right, doesn't it? How does God spank me? How does God spank you? Does He grab you by the scruff of the neck and yell at you when you've done something wrong? Does He spank you in anger with a scowl on His face? We all know the answer to these questions. That's not how God deals with us. No. When the Father spanks us, it's mercy and peace are met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed each other. That is the nature of our God. And that's how God deals with us when He spanks us. Righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Truth and mercy have come together in the Father to chastise me when I've done something wrong. And He wants to direct my life in a better way. It's mercy and it's truth, brothers and sisters. He calmly reveals a need in our life and He picks us up in the comfort of His almighty hands and arms and gives us a spanking. It's painful, for sure. But we do not doubt His love and concern for us. During this time, He is instructing us on the way that we should go and how we have grieved Him. And during this time, He affirms us in His love and we are grateful to Him when He gets done, aren't we? And the reason why we're grateful is because that's how He deals with us. It is love all the way, brothers and sisters. Think about the times when God put you on His knees. He was overflowing love all over you while you were getting a spanking. Sure, it hurts. Sure, you may even have cried, but you never doubted His love one moment. And when God got done with you, the clearing in your heart, the freedom that you received, the beautiful fruit of righteousness that you got out of it, you reached up and kissed His hand, didn't you? My dear brothers and sisters, God wants us to learn to spank like that, that our children, not by our promptings, but by the joy and the blessing that they got out of it for themselves, they will reach up and kiss our hands also. I do believe that's where God wants us to go. Let us seek to be like God in this area. When one of our children transgresses our law, we calmly inform them that they have done wrong and that they are going to get a spanking. We do not raise our voice. We do not raise our voice. Raising your voice does not gain you any authority at all. In fact, you lose authority every time you raise your voice in your house. Every time you think you're going to be heard and things are going to go right, if you let them have it with your words, you are losing authority every time. We do not raise our voice. Oh, how well you would establish your authority if you would give one verbal correction and then gently give a spanking if that correction is not heeded. You would establish your authority in your home like some of you probably have never known. And it's easy. A simple, calm word. My son, my daughter, you have done wrong. Go to your room. You're going to have a spanking. No fuss. No muss. No carrying on. No screaming. No grabbing by the scruff of the neck. No scolding. Just a very calm. You have done wrong. Go to your room. You're going to have a spanking. As the child goes to their room, I reach for the Bible and the rod. That's a good combination, by the way. The Bible and the rod. We need both in order to give a proper spanking. The Bible to instruct them with and the rod to spank them with. Having a Bible in your hand will sanctify what you are about to do. Know this. It will. That picture in your child's mind is a good picture. For them to see Dad or Mom walk through the door with a Bible in their hand is telling them a silent message. God is in this. As I am walking to the room, I pray for wisdom. I cry out to God, just like I do when I'm entering into a counseling session as a pastor. I bow my heart and cry out to God and say, God, I don't know how to counsel this person. Please give me wisdom. That's what I do on the way to the room. As I get to the room, I find the child crying. Right? How many find the child crying? I find the child crying. They don't want to spank him. It hurts. I usually start to cry myself when I walk into the room. You can do that, you know, Dads. You can do that. It's alright to cry when you walk into the room. In fact, it's scriptural. Did you know that? The Bible says, Weep with them that weep. Bless God, surely we can weep with our children when they're weeping because they're going to get a spanking. Weep with them that weep. This will sanctify your session tremendously. As your heart goes out in compassion for that child, this will sanctify your session tremendously. It's okay if you cry with them. You do not have to maintain this austere posture of a judge. You are a loving father or a loving mother. You don't have to come in there like this. I reach out my hands and welcome the child to come close to me when I get into the room and I hold them. And by the way, you walk into that room and you get down on your knee and you put your hands out like this. When that child's crying and they know they're going to get a spanking and they know they've done wrong, they'll run into your hands. They'll run there. I hold them a minute and I let them talk to me. I just let them talk. They usually say, I'm sorry for what I did. They usually say, I love you, Papa. I know I shouldn't have done what I did. And I tell them the same thing. I tell them, I love you too. Some people say, don't comfort them when you go into the room. Don't say anything nice to them. That's absolutely wrong. That's that punishment mentality. I don't believe in that. I open up my heart and my arms to them and I take them into my arms. And I hold them a couple of minutes and while I'm holding them, I tell them, I love you. You know, Papa's not upset at you. Papa's not upset. You are a very dear child to me and you bring joy to my life most of the time. I want you to know I'm not upset at you, but you've done something wrong and you need a spanking. And because I love you, I'm going to spank you. Then we have a time of instruction. That comes next. We talk about what they have done. We discuss the root issues of why this happened. You know, it may be that foolishness was in their heart for the last two or three days and you saw it, but nothing really happened that they could be corrected. So, you don't just correct them because they made this little thing wrong over here. You want to go back to the heart issue, the thing insane. Now, you remember how foolish you have been for the last two or three days? Yeah? Well, that's the reason why you did what you did today and that's why you're here to get a spanking right now. We have a time of instruction that's very important. God does it with us, doesn't He? I ask them if they know why they're getting a spanking. And I wait on their answer and if they just say, I've been bad. That's not good enough. We've got to talk about it some more. They're not getting a spanking just because they've been bad. There's an issue here, remember? We are giving a correction for future conduct so they must understand what went wrong. So we talk about that. Instruction time is the key to biblical chastisement. We will discuss the principle of chastisement so they clearly understand that God says to do this. I instruct them on how they can get the most benefit out of the spanking if they will yield to it instead of fight against it. They can get more benefit out of it. Then I encourage them to pray and ask God to help them get the most out of this spanking. You should hear some of the prayers they pray. And by the way, they're smart prayers. If you get more out of your spankings, you'll get less spankings. Pray on, little fellow! Pray on! God, help me to yield my heart to this spanking! Do everything inside of me that you're supposed to do through this chastisement that I'm going to get. Good prayer, little one! Good prayer! The child can learn to work with you on the spanking, and you won't need to spank them as much. This is also how you get the child to come back later and thank you because they begin to understand what this is all about. They become educated and learn the blessing of discipline. Next, we have a time of spanking. Instruct your child on how to receive a spanking. They can learn to hold still and keep their hands out of the way. It is not good if the child is jumping all over the place. They get hit in the wrong place. They get hit on the hand. It's absolutely crazy. You do not want that. The child must learn to hold still while they receive a spanking, and they can. I have much more instruction on this in my book, The Pursuit of Godly Seed, but I can't go through all of it here this evening. I just can't. With the child holding still, I give them a thorough spanking. Chastisement is supposed to hurt. This is God's design. Just like chastisement hurts when God gives us a spanking, chastisement should hurt when we give our children a spanking. There are things inside of the heart of that child that will not happen if they don't get a right kind of a spanking. Many questions arise at this point. How hard? How long? How many swaps? How do you know when you're done? And more questions. I cannot answer all of those here this evening. God must lead you in these things. Every child is different. Like I said again, you must have discernment. You must be filled with a spirit. You must be filled with a compassion for your child. And I believe with the combination of those, most of the time, parents will know what to do. How hard to spank, how many times to swap, etc., etc., etc. Children are different. There are some children, you can give them three or four swaps, and I mean they are absolutely undone. There are others, they may need more swaps than that. We usually spank our children ten times, something like that. That's not the issue anyway. But everybody always asks that question, give me the number, I'll follow exactly what you do. No, no, no, no. Walk with God once, will you? Just walk with God. He will tell you how many times to swap them. Okay, after the spanking, we have a time of affirming. When I have finished the spanking, I fall on my knees next to the child and weep with them. There are times when I am so overwhelmed, I just break down and weep like a baby. I've had the children put their hand on me to comfort me. Papa's hurting. You know, run to his side, you know. But you know, that's the way it is. It's not fun to spank a child. It hurts. It hurts inside to spank a child. Sometimes I just break down and bawl like a baby. By the way, you should see what it does to the children when they see you be had. That does more to cleanse things out of them than the pain on the bottom did. My father's heart is broken over what I've done wrong. I will not do it again. See that relationship again? I don't want to break my father's heart. I will not do it again. That's much better than I don't want to get a spanking. Amen? Then, we have a prayer. I have the child pray. It's usually a very sweet prayer. They cry their heart out to God over their need, that which they've done. And then I pray for them. It's usually a fervent prayer. It's usually an intercessory prayer. My heart is broken. My heart cries out to God for the child. And the child hears his father pouring out his heart to God for his needs. This is beautiful. Then we get up off our knees and we blow our nose together. We blow our nose. Here, my child, come. Have some Kleenex. Blow your nose. I'll blow my nose. Get all that taken care of. Then we sit down and we talk again. Do you understand why Papa did what he did? Tell me again, why did you get a spanking? Do you see that we don't have to come here? When you see yourself going off this way, if you'll stop yourself, we don't have to come here. Do you see that? Yeah, they understand that. After we talk a little bit more, then I just take them in my arms and I love them and I bless them and I tell them what a good child they are and how much I love them. And I tell them, you know, you're a very dear child to me. I'm not mad at you today. You fill my heart with joy so many times, but you did something wrong, so I needed to spank you. Do you understand that's why I spanked you? Yeah, yeah, they understand. It's a time of affirming, a beautiful time of affirming. Dear parents, this is the kind of spanking that children need. Sometimes we sing a song, but the whole goal at this point is to knit the heart together in love and make sure that we are buddies before we leave that room, to knit the heart together in love. That is the purpose. This is usually when you get the thank you, either then or at the end of the day when you put them to bed, you know, you tuck them in. How many times I've heard a child say, when I was tucking them in bed at night, last few words, you know, they look at me and say, Papa, thank you for spanking me today. I just felt so good inside all day long. I've known that I needed it for a couple of days. Thank you for spanking me today. Oh, sweet words, sweet words, precious sweet words. Yea, he that spanketh his child, loveth his child. And when we begin to look at it in the way that I've described, yes, we can look at it and say, I can see how that would build a closer relationship, not build a wall between my child and I, but rather even draw us closer together. Think about it again. When God spanks you, do you run away from Him when He is done? Or do you want to be closer to Him than you were before? We all know the answer, every one of us. I don't run away from God. I want to be with Him. He's my Papa. He loved me so much, He corrected me. And the freedom and the joy and the peace and the clearing in my heart, I want to be close to Him. And that's the way it is with a child. They just want to hang tight, you know, all day long. Are you going to the store? Can I go with you? Can I go along? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Doesn't sound like a wall to me. Why? Because we spank the child with love and compassion. And because we spank the child out of the context of a loving relationship. This is how we need to spank our children. I tell you, I don't think any judge would shake a stick at that. They're not shaking a stick at that! They're getting upset about the other. We must sanctify our own hearts in this whole thing of spanking our children. We must get a hold of this. Spanking children like this is a life-changing experience for both us and the child. And that is what it's supposed to be. A life-changing experience. Especially when all the other aspects of training are in their place. You know? When they're all in their place. The instruction, the care, the directing, the time, the love, the relationship, all those things are in their place. That child is basking under the sun-shining face of their father and mother and in the midst of that kind of a relationship, yeah, sometimes they do what is wrong. In that kind of a relationship, if you could just calmly speak to that child and get them into their room and give them a spanking like this, miracles would happen. I'm telling you, miracles would happen. And it's what God wants. I pray that you will take this example as a pattern to follow. That's my prayer. That you will take this as an example to follow and ponder it enough that it gets in your heart. And sit down with Hebrews chapter 12 and read over those verses and ponder how God has spanked you and draw it all together as a revelation in your own heart and then implement it into your own home. I guarantee you, you will get good results. You will not have to call me on the telephone and say, Brother Denny, what you said about spanking doesn't work. My child is not my friend. They run as far away from me as they can get. I guarantee you, if you will do what I'm saying, what I said last night and what I've said this evening in the way that I have said it, you will not have to say those words. God will draw your children close to your heart and you will have a child with a clear countenance, bright and happy and enjoying obeying their father and their mother. I promise you, in Jesus' name, that's what you have. Let's stand for prayer. Oh God, this evening we come to you again in Jesus Christ's name. Father, we thank you that you love us and there's no question in our hearts whether you love us. You have proven it, Lord. We thank you that you spank us and we've never doubted your love while you were spanking us. Oh God, we want that for our children, Lord. Oh God, some of this is new to some of us. Open up our eyes, Lord. Some of us are in bondage, Lord. Desperate needs inside of our own hearts. Oh God, I pray, deliver us, Lord, that are in bondage. For the sake of our children, God, would you deliver those that are in bondage? Would you speak faith to their hearts this evening, Father? Would you tell them there's a way out? Would you tell them there's hope for them? Would you tell them, dear God, would you reach down in your loving kindness, wrap your arms around that struggling soul right now, and speak those sweet words of love into their ear? I love you. You are my child. I want to help you. I want to see fruit in your life. I want to help you with your children. God, would you speak those words in the hearts of those that are struggling tonight? Don't let them despair, dear God. Come alongside of them and love them in just the way that I've told them that you love them. Do it tonight, God. I commit them into your care, each and every one. And Lord, we pray, would you open our eyes, God, and let us see this. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful. Hallelujah! Your precepts are beautiful, Lord. Would you open our eyes? We want to do it this way, Lord. We want to lovingly spank our children. Please have mercy upon us and open our eyes and help us to see, God. I just commit all of this into your care, Lord, every one. And Lord, we look to you for a blessing tomorrow night as we come together again to learn how to love our children. God, we ask this in Jesus Christ's name. Amen.