In this sermon, the speaker emphasizes the importance of prioritizing family responsibilities before ministry to the church and the world. He highlights the biblical qualification that neglecting one's family disqualifies a person from ministry. The speaker also points out the disintegration of the family in society and the church, attributing it to the abandonment of responsibilities by men. He urges ministers to set an example by rebuilding the family according to biblical principles. The sermon also touches on the judgment of God on cultures and societies, removing all forms of leadership, and the need for devoted prayer and quality time with family.

For more media content from Grace Community Church in San Antonio, Texas, go to gccsatx.com. Media used by permission of Heart Crime Missionary Society. Visit us online at heartcrimemissionary.com. We are going to continue our study on marriage tonight. We are going to continue our study on marriage tonight. But before we do that, I want to answer two questions that have been submitted. Before we do that, we will pray together. And for this day, in all the things that can happen, all the confusion that can enter into the mind, I thank you, Father, for the Holy Spirit has the power to give us clarity of mind for the Scripture that renews our mind. Father, we know that in much talking there will be sin. I pray that you would guard my tongue, guard my heart. Lord, that what is done here will be to your glory and for the edification of your people. Father, our greatest need is the filling of the Holy Spirit, knowledge of your word, the character of Christ. Father, help us, give us wisdom, in Jesus' name, amen. Okay, first question. The first question is, how can Brother Paul Washer take good care of his family when he travels around the world to preach? Does he take his family with him? Just a question out of curiosity. Well, I appreciate this question and I might have to clarify a few things about it. I don't travel as much as I used to. In fact, I believe that this is my first trip abroad this calendar year. Many times when I travel in the States, I take my family with me. And in the next few months, I even plan on making some other changes so that I can spend even more time with my family. And I am making those changes because I see that my family needs me more. Another thing that is very important to understand is this. If we are consistently spending biblical time with our family, then when we have to make extended tours somewhere else, it doesn't do damage to the family. And if we are away from home for a longer period of time, then it won't do any harm to the family. Let's say that I'm home for three weeks, and then I have to leave for a week. But if in those three weeks, I average about three and a half to four hours a day with my children, and I'm pouring my life into them with quality time, then when I have to leave for a week, it's not such a traumatic experience. Also, my son Ian began traveling with me when he was four. And now Evan travels with me. And Rowan is, well, she's two. And so we go to church where I'm preaching a revival. They come in with me, sit on the second row, and listen to a lot of preaching. Ian can make it pretty much all the way through the sermon. But I always make sure Evan has an extra seat, because he's going to go to sleep. And also, it's very important that I look for opportunities. Like, if my family travels with me and I'm preaching for a week, I do not have my family in that church all week. I'm not going to make my children go to church seven days straight for three hours a night. I'm not going to put them in a situation which will almost demand that they disobey. Or a situation in which they will fail. For example, you go to your four-year-old and say, two plus two equals what? That's a reasonable question. It is not a reasonable thing to go to your four-year-old and have him explain quantum mechanics. To have a child learn to sit still in church while his dad is preaching is biblical. But to make him go to church seven and fourteen days in a row is torture. Another thing, when they travel with me, and we've been in the church quite a bit, I make sure that we also, during that trip, do something really fun. You see, they're eight and they're five. They're not seminary students. Do not put on a child more than he can bear. Or cause him to be bitter. Next question. I have some trouble with some women being dressed a little sensual. How should we be dressed? Well, the Bible tells us, in the book of Hezekiah, chapter three, Oh, now I understand. Okay. Verse ten. It says, women shall not wear pants. And women shall not put on any lipstick. And women should attempt to be as ugly as possible. There's only one problem. The book of Hezekiah is not in the canon. And it was recently written by a bunch of legalists. It seems that everyone always goes to an extreme. It seems that everyone is always inclined to fall into extremes. A really good Bible teacher by the name of Conrad Murrow. He said, you can go a thousand miles that way and walk in falsehood. And you can go a thousand miles that way and walk in falsehood. But to walk in the truth is like walking on the edge of a razor blade. It's very easy to fall off this way and be liberal. It's very easy to fall off this way and become a legalist. Especially when the Bible does not specifically say all that we want it to say. Especially when the Bible does not specifically say all that we want it to say. In 1 Timothy chapter 2 verse 9. For women making a claim to godliness. Sometimes we wish that the Apostle Paul would have said more. But I believe the Holy Spirit is wiser than we are. The word that is used here is modestly. And with discretion. Here are some of the things that I think you can draw from this passage. It does not say that clothing cannot be beautiful or attractive. As a matter of fact, the Proverbs 31 woman, she dressed herself in purple. But the idea here is that your appearance should not be a stumbling block to other people. Here are some words that I think you ought to avoid. Luxury. Luxury. Extravagance. Sensuality. Here are some words that would be very proper. Beauty. Excellence. Simplicity. Modesty. And a word, I don't know if you have a translation, frugality. It's using God's money as a good steward. Let me give you an example. Do you have goodwill stores here? Where you can buy used clothing? My wife is the queen of secondhand clothes. One day we were shopping together and she saw a long skirt and I said, that's very beautiful. It was $85. It would be like $55, 55 euros or something like that. And I got really afraid. And she looked at that and she said, I'm not buying that. And she went to the used clothing store. Bought the exact same dress for $5. Women, if you will learn to do that, your husband will be a very happy man. My wife showed me something one time. She told me something and I've used this in many of my sermons. If your clothing is a picture frame for your face, it's of God. Because it's from your face that the glory of God should shine. But if your clothing is a picture frame for your body, it's sensual. And it's wrong. And you're a stumbling block. But when it comes to clothing, we also need to think about personal convictions. Some women prefer to wear and have the conviction they should wear nothing but dresses. That's fine. I applaud you. But the dress should not be sensual. Some women have the freedom to wear pants. Now, you may not agree with that. But you really don't have scripture to stand on. Unless the pants are sensual. Then it's wrong. Some women cover their head. And they do it out of their idea of obedience to God. Praise God. Some women do not. And listen to me, it is not because they don't believe the scripture. Because that passage in 1 Corinthians is very difficult. And you say, well no it's not, it says she ought to cover her head. But do you know what it means? It means she ought to cover her head every time she's in public, not just when she's in church. And the covering wasn't just a little hat or a little veil going down to here. It was more like something you see the Muslims wear. So see, you have to be very careful. You might have something on your head and think you're obeying God when you're not doing anything of what it says. Also, most principles in the Bible are supra-cultural. They go over culture. They rule over culture. But some things do pertain to culture. And personal conviction. Some eat meat, some only eat vegetables. With regard to culture, if a woman in Holland has nothing on her head, will men think that she's an adulteress? With regard to culture, if a woman in Holland has nothing on her head, will men think that she's an adulteress? But in some places in the Middle East, if a woman has nothing on her head, will men think she's an adulteress or a prostitute? So you see, there's a lot to think about. And if we're talking about earrings or something like that? Well, if you wear earrings that are about the size of a car tire, then it might be good to work a little more moderately. The idea again is no extravagance or sensuality, but simplicity. Talk about makeup. One time a lady called this pastor on the radio. He was preaching on the radio? Yes, and she called in on the program. And she said, is it a sin for a woman to wear makeup? And he said, sister, it's a sin if some women don't wear makeup. And then he said, it doesn't hurt to paint an old house. It doesn't hurt to paint an old house. Have you ever heard this? The idea is simplicity and biblical beauty. And sensuality is sin. But let me share one more thing that's important. There are certain women that their heart is not right with God, so even if they wear decent clothing, everyone knows they're sensual. You can't hide your heart behind religious clothing. My wife and I have talked about this several times. She has a friend who is a very beautiful lady. I mean, she could be a model or something. But she's a very godly lady. When she walks in the church, and you see her, the only thing that really comes into your mind is, there is a beautiful lady. Nothing else. But there are other women that aren't even half as beautiful as she is. And the moment they walk in the building, you have to turn away. Because they're sensual. A lot of it is the condition of your heart. Those are our questions. Let's get on with our teaching now. We're going to talk some tonight about biblical headship. About the man being the leader of the home. Now, some of you women are already growing claws. I can see you. Trust me, you want your husband to be the head of your family. Now, let's start in Genesis. Let's go to chapter 1, verse 28. Go ahead and read it, brother. Verse 28. In verse 27, it says that God created man, male and female. And then it says, He blessed them, both of them. And He commanded both of them. To be fruitful and multiply. To subdue the earth. To rule over it. Now, they were not to rule as independent king and queen. They were to rule over the earth in accordance with the will of the one true king, God. So, this man and woman existed to carry out God's will on the planet. And that's why you and your husband were brought together. To carry out God's will. On this earth. To advance His kingdom. Okay? Now, we go to chapter 2, verse 18, and we find something very important. Now, we go to chapter 2, verse 18, and we find something very important. God also said, It is not good that a man be alone. I will make a helper for him who is like unto him. Who is like unto him, was in His translation. Here we also see that the man plays the main role in carrying out God's will on earth. Simultaneously his giving and his calling. And the woman is to help him in this. Simultaneously her giving and her calling. He's leading his family. And his wife is supporting him and helping him in this great endeavor. Now, here's one of the great problems. One of the great sins of a male is that he is selfish. And that he thinks that everything and everyone is an extension of him. For the most part, that's the fault of his father and mother. Especially the mother. There are mothers who do absolutely everything for their little boys. Even when their little boys are 18. They clean their room. They do their laundry. They wipe their nose. They do everything for their little boy. And they say things like, You will always be my little boy. You are doing so much damage to your son. And you are doing great damage to your daughter-in-law. Because of the way mothers raise their little boys, little boys never grow up. And when they get married, they're marrying another mom. At least that's what they think. Well, mom always picked up my socks. And mom wiped my nose. And mom did this and mom did that. And they think that that's what they've married, another mom. Men are selfish. And they think the whole world revolves around them. It's all about me. When a woman has to submit to a man like that, it causes great bitterness. When she hears from scripture that she ought to follow the lead of a man like that, it makes her angry. In the United States, I don't know how it is in Holland, so I can only talk about my country. As soon as boys are old enough, they kind of want their friends and they don't want their family anymore. They go off to kindergarten and grade school, they make friends, and those friends are the most important people to them. And they learn to neglect their family from the very beginning. They don't want to come home to eat dinner. They don't want to sit around the table. They want to be with their friends. So the young boy grows up. And they learn to neglect their family from the very beginning. And the most important people in his life are his friends in the university. Or even the other young men at church. And then he gets married. And he still wants his friends. They're so important to him. And then not only that, his hobbies. In the United States, the men just are totally given to hobbies. Their Harley Davidson motorcycle. Going fishing. Going hunting. Playing football. Doing all kinds of things with their friends. And so they work at a job. Which takes them away from their family. During the day. Which is necessary. But then when they get off, they want to play. They want to use their money to buy toys. It's just now, they're very expensive toys. And then a woman, his wife, looks at him. And thinks, I'm supposed to follow his lead. I'm called to be his helper. So God is calling me to help this man meet all his self-centered, selfish needs and desires. That's what creates bitterness. But now let's look at this in a biblical way. Turn to Matthew chapter 6. Now before we read from there. Let me just say something. In the New Testament, it's all about transformation. It's all about being a new creation. It's all about being conformed to the image of Christ. Christian marriage will not work apart from that. Headship in the home will not function unless it be a godly man. So if you're using the scripture to tell your wife that she ought to submit to you, you better make sure you're submitting to God. Now let's look again. Here is a man who's all about himself. He lives for himself. He buys toys for himself. And his wife is being told, you're his helper. And she's thinking, I'm going to help this man meet all his selfish needs. For the rest of my life. But then let's look at a godly man. Matthew 6. Matthew 6 verse 9 and 10. This is the cry of the godly man's heart. Hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done. On earth as it is in heaven. Here's a godly man. His purpose and passion is glorifying God and doing the will of God. He is willing to sacrifice everything for this calling. He is willing to lay down his life for this calling. He is not about himself. He is not about this world. He is not about toys. He is not about hobbies. His wife can look him in the eye. She can look at his life. And she can see this man is about one thing. Glorifying God. So that God's will might advance on this earth. And a godly woman says, I can help a man like that. I can follow the lead of a man like that. But now, I want to talk to you men, especially those that are in the ministry. Maybe you're sitting there right now and you're worried. Maybe you're really happy. My wife is always complaining that I'm in the ministry all the time and I'm never with my family. And now brother Paul has told her the truth. She ought to be happy I'm in the ministry. She ought to willingly let me go so I can serve God in the ministry like brother Paul said. That's not what I said. I didn't even mention the word ministry. Listen again what I said. A man who is committed to the glory of God. And the advancement of God's kingdom on the earth. And you say, yes, that's right, the ministry. I didn't say ministry. Ministry is only a tiny part of this. If you're a pastor or a missionary or a preacher here tonight, listen to me. If God has given you a wife and a child. Then your ministry should be seen in concentric circles. Let me give you an example. You have the pond of water out there, the little lake that's here. And there's no wind at all. And it's very, very still, very flat. And you drop a pebble or a rock into the middle of that lake. It sends out ripples, waves. Now the waves do not jump immediately to the farthest part of the lake. They go out like this. They start with the man. And gradually they make their way out to the furthest part of the lake. Your ministry starts with a man. With you. And your ministry gradually goes out. And from what I can see in Scripture, it goes out this way. This man who is radically committed to the advancement of the kingdom. Who will lay down his life for the advancement of the kingdom. His first ministry is his wife. See, she doesn't get neglected. His second ministry, are his children. His third ministry, the people of God. His fourth ministry, the world. You cannot jump over your wife and children in order to minister to the church and the world. Because 1 Timothy chapter 3 tells us, if you neglect your family, you're not qualified to minister. Because 1 Timothy chapter 3 tells us, if you neglect your family, you're not qualified to minister. And then you say, okay, this changes everything. Isn't it true? That one of the biggest problems in the western world is that the men are not at home. Abandoned the responsibilities in the house and given it all to the mother. Is it not true that one of the greatest problems in the church is the disintegration of the family? This must change. But it must first change with the ministers. They must set the example for other men to follow. But here's something beautiful. Those of you who are men and are actively involved in the ministry. And those of you who are in employment somewhere, but you're involved in your church. Haven't you always kind of felt that something's just wrong? That your Christianity and your ministry, there's something superficial about it. That you're doing all kinds of things for all kinds of people, but you don't even spend time with your children. You'll teach a Bible class to a bunch of people you don't know for two hours. But you can't remember when you had two hours with your wife, glorying in Jesus Christ. And you're not sitting down and discipling your children. What I'm teaching you makes your entire ministry real. You're not a hypocrite. You're not a superficial minister. You're not just teaching the Christian life. But now you're living it. You're living it with your wife. You're living it with your children. And that validates you to live it with others. There is a man who travels a lot and he teaches on the family. And I read this, he wrote it in a book. He said one day he was listening to his little boy talk to another little boy who lived next door. And the little boy who lived next door said, I'm going to play ball in the park with my dad. And the little boy of the teacher said this, boy I would love to play ball with my dad. But he's too busy teaching other fathers how to raise their children. It broke his heart. And it should have. What does it matter if you win the world to Christ and you lose your own family to hell? When I learned this truth it was so exciting. Before I started trying to practice this. I felt like my ministry was just, it was so thin you could see through it. It seemed hypocritical. It just didn't seem right. But when I said, I'm going to give myself to my family. I'm going to disciple them. It felt like I was, that I had substance. That I really was a man of virtue and character. I think this is the best way to put it. It felt like I was finally obeying Jesus. Being faithful in the little things that nobody sees. Which are actually the big things. God doesn't need you. But God has called you to be obedient. You are never going to advance the kingdom of God by neglecting the will of God. If you ever say, I can't do what God commanded me to do, I'm not going to do it. Because of the ministry, your ministry is wrong. Now I want to talk for a moment about biblical headship. Or leadership of the man. Now I want us to go to Ephesians. Chapter 4. I realized that if there were a group of secular feminists in here tonight, they would literally be standing up and yelling at me right now. And I recognize that this is offensive to many people. But it is the scriptures. And actually it's something beautiful. Why? Ladies, listen to me. Do you know why your husband is called to lead? Do you know what it means? Well, one of the things is this. He has been called to lead. He has been granted authority to lay down his life in service to you and your children. And to lead your family for the greatest benefit of the family. Now that doesn't sound too bad to me. All right, now, biblical headship. It is real. It is in the Bible. Now I want you to see something very important in, well, I'm sorry, it's Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21. Okay, it's not chapter 4, but Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21. That's the first time we hear, be subject to one another. And then 22. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. Second time. Third time. Chapter 6, verse 1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Fourth time. Chapter 6, verse 5. Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters. In our culture, we could say this. Employees, be obedient to those who are your employers. Now, chapter 5, verse 21, back to there. Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Who's he talking to? He's talking to the community of faith. To believers. As believers, we ought to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Now, we all know that the Bible teaches that the church has elders. And that the church has evangelists, pastors, teachers. There is a leadership in the church. But it still means that all believers ought to be subject to one another. Submissive to one another. In reverence to Christ. Let's say that this is a church. And I, and Oscar, and Arian, we are the elders. When we show you something that is clearly a correct interpretation of the scriptures, it is a classic historical command of scripture. You should submit to that. Not because we said it as elders. But because you see it in the scriptures. So there's a sense of the congregation submitting to the leadership of their elders. But at the same time, the youngest believer in the church has the right to come up to us elders with the scriptures, with humility, and show us where he disagrees. And we need to listen to him. Humbly. Lovingly. And if he is right, we need to humble ourselves and submit to the truth of scripture. Isn't that beautiful? Well, at least to me it is. The beauty of the body of Christ. I just love that. No one should call you father. No one should call you rabbi or teacher. You are all brothers. And even though some are appointed to be elders, and they can preach with authority, they have to submit to the rest of the body at the same time. That's beautiful. It's humble. It's childlike. It's just like something Jesus would do. It looks like a church that he would start. Okay, so that's talking about the congregation. But then we come to the family in verse 22. Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. God has appointed the husband to be the leader of his family. Now, I know the way you women think. Because you're really smart. This is what you're thinking. Well, yeah, I have to submit to him. But then again, we're both believers. So he has to submit to me. So one submission cancels out another submission. And I don't know how you women think. I don't have to submit to anybody. Well, you know what? You're partly right. But you're also really wrong. In the family, the husband is called to lead. Now, we're going to talk about what that looks like. But here's what's neat about that. Here's what's really good about that. Even though I'm called to lead, as an elder in the church is called to lead, my wife is a believer. She is a person before God. God teaches her. He works through her. So, well, let me just share with you how it works in my family. Let's say that we've got to make a decision that we need to move somewhere. We need to move our house to another state in the country. I am required to lead. That means I need to pray. I need to study the options. I need to take the lead. And let's say I come to a decision. And I tell my wife. And I explain everything to her. And she also has all the information and she has studied the situation. So, I come to my wife and I say, I've made a decision. I really think we need to move to Montana. And my wife says, you know, I've been praying about the same thing and I agree. We'll probably pray about it some more in unity and then go. But if I go to her and I say, I feel like we need to go to Montana. And she says, I think we need to go to Hawaii. I tell her, no, I'm the leader. We're going to Montana. No, that's not what I do. But I also don't say, okay, honey, you're right. We're going to Hawaii. I respect my wife. She's very intelligent and very wise. If she does not agree, that's going to be a red flag for me. And I'm going to go back to praying and thinking and conversing with her. And I'm going to delay that decision as long as possible until we come to some unity. But let's say the day comes and we have to make the decision. We don't have the luxury of saying, we'll just wait. No, we have to make the decision. And we're not in agreement. It is my responsibility to make that decision. And if I am right, I can't say to her, I told you so, I told you so. And if I'm wrong, she's not allowed to give me that look that all women give. You know, where they shake their head like that. And then they remind you every day for the rest of your life. Especially when your husband tries to lead again. And you say, and you say, you were wrong last time. So why should I follow you now? You see, this just won't work unless people are regenerated by the Holy Spirit. You know, HeartCry has given a lot of conferences on spiritual growth. It would be wrong to give a conference on marriage first and then later on give a conference on spiritual growth. Because marriage doesn't function unless there's spiritual growth. Okay, now. So then we have, just go on down, go to chapter six, verse one. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. So now he's talking about children submitting to the father and the mother. And then in verse five, he's talking about slaves or employees being subject to their masters or employers. And so in Romans 13, for example, he's talking about us submitting to the government. First Timothy, the book of Hebrews and so on, it talks about us submitting to elders. God is showing the lines of authority throughout our lives. God is showing us the different spheres of authority that exist throughout our lives. Now, we must be very careful not to explain, not to try to explain away this headship of the husband. Now here's an important question. Why do men not seem to assume this role? Well, first of all, biblical ignorance. They're not aware of the seriousness of their calling. And or they cannot biblically define what their calling is. They've never studied headship. And the churches do not teach it. So we have in Hosea 4, 6, my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. Here's another reason why men do not assume the role of head. Psychology. Sociology. Feminism. Let me say that again. Psychology, sociology and feminism. Men who believe what the Bible says about this, they are treated as chauvinists. Animals. Prehistoric cavemen. Social dinosaurs. And so men are afraid. Men are afraid. What will society think? There's another reason. The misrepresentation of manhood by the media. Now you may not watch television and you may never go to the theater. And that's a good thing. But you cannot deny that the media is one of the greatest powers for influencing society that has ever existed. You should not immerse yourself in the media. But you also cannot bury your head and pretend it's not there. You've got to deal with it. When you think of a false prophet, what do you think of? Mormons? Jehovah's Witnesses? They're nothing. You know the biggest false prophet in the world? Let me tell you a few of them. Number one. Hollywood. It is shaping the lives of people more than any other force in the world. And then, do you know about Wall Street? All the marketing. You need to look like this. You need to drive this car. A real successful man drinks this beer. The media is responsible in part for the reason why media is so important that men do not assume headship. Now, let's just look at the typical hero in movie land. You say, well, I don't watch movies. Good, but I want you to understand that most people do. And even many of those who say they don't do secretly. They don't watch it on the TV. They watch it on their computer. And it's the biggest influence in the world, so we need to talk about it. The typical hero in the typical Hollywood movie, have you ever noticed he is not married? Have you ever noticed that he is not married? He is not married. Or he is divorced. Or he is a very independent spirit who does not want to be locked up in the responsibilities of marriage. Think about this. In the movie, he always gets the girl at the end. But in the sequel of that movie, you know what I mean by that? Do you? In the sequel, that girl is gone and he is chasing another one. Also, the hero in the movie is not a family man. He does not go home to a family every night. He is uncomfortable around kids and they get in the way of his life. Here is another thing about the hero in the movie. Now listen to this. He is not given to God-honoring labor. He does not work a nine-to-five job. He is a spy. Or he is a fighter pilot. Or he is a Viking. Or he is a motorcycle rider. But he does not work hard at a job. That is why, brother, when a fighter pilot walks into the room, all the little boys go, but when you walk in as a faithful carpenter, they don't care. Because they've been trained. He is not subject to the mundane or the common. He is not subject to the mundane He is not subject to the mundane or the common. He never has to go to the grocery store. He never has to get an oil change in his car. He never has to pay an electric bill. And he never takes his screaming child to the dentist. So Hollywood presents for us a man that is no man at all. He is fictitious. He is a lie. And if we compare ourselves to him, we'll become very confused. Now this is the biggest point. The Hollywood hero in the movie, he is a moral and ethical contradiction. He will risk his life to defeat the enemy and save the world. While at the same time he's a drunkard and a womanizer who has a miserable life. So one of the reasons that men do not desire to be the head of a Hollywood movie So one of the reasons that men do not desire to be the leader of their family is because they are misled by the media. And then you say, well I never watch that. But the whole culture in which you live does. And you are influenced by your own culture. The people around you. Do not want to assume the head of their home. Because it's hard work. Disobedience. It's hard work. It requires self-sacrifice. And it requires the reorientation of your life. You have to say goodbye to your personal ambitions. Your hobbies. Friends. Not all the time. But most of the time. Now let me give you some lies. Lies that men think of. That being the breadwinner is enough. A man works, let's say, eight, ten hours a day at the factory. He walks in the door of his house. Puts on his crown. The king is home. Where's my throne? Gets in that chair. Gets the newspaper. It's over. I'm sorry, that's just not the way it's supposed to be. You think, but I have provided for my family. Well, let me shake your hand. Congratulations. Here's a cookie. Now get to work. Here's a good rule. Now again, this is not some legal rule. This is just something to help you understand what I'm about to say. But I do kind of have an unwritten law that I keep with me all the time. I have a principle that I live by. While I am at work, the children belong to my wife. When I come home, five o'clock, whatever, they're mine. And they're mine until they go to bed. Their dirty diapers are mine. Their baths are mine. Playtime is mine. Reading the Bible stories together is my time. They're mine. And you say, man, that sounds like it would really wear you out. I'm actually only 19 years old. I am more out. It's hard. It's difficult. It will make you tired. This is what we're called to do. I know what you're thinking. What about me? Well, here's what I've discovered. Unless you are married to Attila the Hun, unless your wife's name is Attila the Hun, Attila the Hun, you know Attila the Hun, unless your wife is a descendant of the cruel and violent Vikings, she's going to recognize what you're doing. She's going to respect you for what you're doing. And she's going to give you time. She's going to come up to you one day. This is what my wife does to me. She goes, you've been working hard. I really appreciate it. Now, here's your bow. Here's your arrows. Go outside. Have a good time. Kill something and bring it home. And then we'll eat it. Remember, I'm from America. I'm a Neanderthal. She will honor me. She will show appreciation. You see, here's one of your problems. Your wife is tired. And she's demanding things. You're tired and you're demanding things. You have totally lost the idea of blessing one another. But when you serve each other, you'll begin to say, honey, just, you know, rest, go out, have a good time, do something. I just really appreciate what you're doing. I might forget to say this during the conference, so I'm going to say it now. I'm going to say it now. Men will come to me and say, my wife doesn't love me anymore. Now, I want you to listen to something. This is one of the greatest truths I ever learned. I ever? I ever learned. I wish I had thought of it, but I actually learned it from someone else. What does the Bible say about Christ and the church? It says, this is love. Not that the church loved Christ, but Christ loved the church. And then it says, the church loves Christ because Christ loved the church first. You say your wife does not love you. The Bible says she will love you when you love her first. Now, I do understand something, men. Sometimes women can be very sinful, just like men. And there are men who are godly, who are married to women, who are not even Christians. So, it's not always the man's fault. But there is a principle here. When I begin to think my wife isn't loving me enough, I ask myself, am I loving her enough? Now, here's a great principle. You know how we talked about men are supposed to lead? And brothers, you're pounding on your chest like a big gorilla. I'm supposed to lead. Yes, you are. In this, you lead in love. If she's going to love you, it's because you lead first. You take the lead. You show love first. You see that? You think first means you're king. No, but headship means service, leadership through example. I'm the leader. Then lead off. Love her first. So she will follow you by loving you. Another lie that men will often follow. I don't know if they say this in Holland, but they say it all the time in the United States. Well, I'm working all the time in order to earn money to give my wife and children the things I never had. It's the things you never had that actually built character in your life. You have not been called to give your wife and children all the things of this world. You are called to give your wife a husband and a lover. And you are called to give your children a father and a lover. And I use that not in a romantic way, but a person given to loving, giving their love. Now here's another lie that men often believe. They say I don't spend a great quantity of time with my family. But I do spend quality time with my family. That's just not true. Do you understand what I'm saying by that phrase? It's not true. I'll give you an example. Your relationship with the Lord. Every time you meet with the Lord to pray, do you have these special overwhelming visitations of God? Do you sense his presence in a marvelous way every time you bow your knee? No, you don't. But if you live a life devoted to prayer, every once in a while God will visit you in a magnificent unusual way It's the same way with your family. Quality time comes forth from a great quantity of time. Spending hours a week with my children may lead to twenty or thirty minutes of incredible fellowship. Do you understand me? Yes or no? Yes, okay. Now, here's another lie and then we're going to finish on the lies. I can keep my cake and eat it too. Alright, let me think somehow about this. I can keep my cake and eat it too? Yeah. I can have it and eat it at the same time. But if you eat it you're not going to have it. Do you understand? What I'm saying No, not a piece, the whole thing. Some people say I can have my cake and I can eat my cake. But if you eat your cake you'll no longer have cake. So you have to make a decision. Do I want to keep looking at my cake? Do I want to sleep with my cake? But if I eat my cake it's all gone. So the point is you've got to make a decision about certain things. You can't have everything. I was teaching one time in the United States and there were three girls in the audience that were very professional university students. They were brilliant and they were going to, two of them were going to be doctors and one of them was going to be a lawyer. And they got really mad at me. Because they said we're going to be professional women and mothers. And I said, no you're not. They said, who do you think you are? That's beside the point. You're not going to do that. They said, yes we are. I said, okay, let me ask you a question. How many hours a week do you think the average doctor works in the United States? Seventy-five. Eighty. On a good week. When things are kind of slow. So just when are you going to take care of this little baby? You see, the point is, we live in a culture where we think we can have everything. You've got to make choices. And not just the wife, the husband. I know of men who could be making twice the money they make right now. But they turn down the job. Because it would take them away from their wife and their children too much. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Now, I want us to turn to Isaiah for a moment. And then we're going to, I know it's late, but this is really important. One of the reasons why men do not assume leadership in their home. In chapter three of Isaiah, we see the upheaval of society. Society is turned upside down. Verses one through three, read that. Isaiah chapter three, one through three. Okay. Because of the sins of Israel, God is going to remove all legitimate and illegitimate forms of leadership from his people. When God judges a culture or a society, as he is judging the West, Europe, the United States, don't fool yourself, we're under the judgment of God. He removes all legitimate and illegitimate forms of authority so that there's no leadership. At the end of the Roman Empire, people were crying out, where's the leadership? And people are doing, the leaders are doing crazy things. I mean, is there anybody here who has any sense? Does that sound familiar? Now, look at verses four and five. Okay. Does that look familiar? Just look at that. That's our culture. Now, look at verse twelve. Okay. Okay. We are seeing the complete upheaval of society. Society is being turned upside down. Most of you who are young can't see this. Why? They don't teach history anymore in the schools. Or if they do, it's a history that has been revised. Some of you who are older, in the last forty years, you've seen how much culture has changed. Some of the things that were foundational to society have been totally destroyed. And things have been put in their place that are not right. The family. Just look at it. Some of you who are older some of you who are forty, fifty years old can you see a difference in the last forty years? Can you see the disintegration of the family? And this is why. We must rebuild the family in the church. But according to the Bible. Tomorrow I'm going to try to teach a lot faster. There is so much I need to talk to the men about. Because they have so many responsibilities. I don't even know. I've got pages here that you need to hear. Because the man must lead in this. If your wife has to take you by the hand and say okay now you're going to be the spiritual leader. Here, well honey I don't know what to do. I'll tell you what to do. And you can pretend you're the leader. You know the old Greek saying don't you? This is what the women say. The man is the head. But the woman is the neck and she turns the head wherever she wants it to go. No. The man is the head and he uses his authority to lay down his life in service to God by blessing his wife and children. Let's pray. Father, I come before you Lord and I ask you to take this and use it Father. And please help us through this week Lord to do as much as we can to get through as much as this material as we can because Father that our families would be holy. That they would honor you. That they would be biblical. In Jesus name. Amen.