Shane Idleman addresses the complex issue of remarriage after a spouse departs, emphasizing the importance of seeking God's guidance rather than relying on societal norms or personal opinions. He acknowledges the struggles many face in marriage, including the challenges of separation and divorce, and stresses the need for grace and understanding in these situations. Idleman highlights that while Jesus provides specific grounds for divorce, such as sexual immorality, the heart of God is for reconciliation and healing. He encourages individuals to seek God earnestly in prayer and to avoid rushing into new relationships without divine direction. Ultimately, he reminds the congregation that divorce is not the unpardonable sin and that restoration is possible through faith and repentance.

It's been a hard week because I've been processing this topic and the title is when a spouse departs can I remarry and all the singles are going oh no why am I here well it's good you're here because marriage is the most important decision you can make other than accepting God and embracing Christ his gift on the cross and repenting of your sin it is a very important choice it will affect the rest of your life in many ways so I'm going to speak to the singles of course because God's Word is relevant but I want to talk about a difficult subject when a spouse depart departs can I remarry we get calls on this topic I get emails on this topic and many of you know in the news I'm not going to say her name but a high-profile political figure just just announced their separation their husband I think was filing for divorce a Christian couple and the reason is this incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife incompatible incompatibility of temperament between the parties such as that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife and on one hand you want to say welcome to marriage but on the other hand you don't want to dismiss difficult marriages and that's why this is so difficult of a topic because there are thousands of different scenarios many different things going on in the home some people are blessed some people are struggling some people are barely holding on some are really strong and and how do you relate to all those different areas the only way I know to do that is through the teaching of God's word and letting him show you what it has to say not my opinion not what I think but what does God's Word say the sad thing about this split up that's in the news is the secular press eats this kind of stuff up don't they Oh Christian couple you're a hypocrite and she used to fight for marriage and now look at their marriages ending and another well-known ministry a while back the husband left him and they were reconciled it's on the radio you can hear that man so it's really happening all over but what I want to tell the secular media or the naysayers is this you try fighting a battle every single day of your life and never see if you mess up you try it's a battle every day is a struggle for marriage or a struggle to keep fighting the good fight of faith or to standing in truth and and to not give up it's a ever it's a fight and they need to stop calling them hypocrites what they are is they're struggling they're struggling in sin they're getting there they're there maybe the husband's drifted and doesn't know what he wants he's hit a midlife crisis you ever been there we like oh I'm getting old and life is is I'm on the other side of that and and you start to and maybe that person begins to drift and then they they walk away from their marriage and then I'll see you're a hypocrite no he could be struggling so we have to be very gentle in this area in case you're wondering a hypocrite is someone who intentionally deceives or they put on a mask in other words I come here on Sunday and I'm this and this and then on Monday I don't care what you think I'm gonna change into this other person I'm a hypocrite I'm changing a mask to suit an audience so people who struggle or fall back in sin aren't often not hypocrites although they are Jesus actually called the religious leaders of his day hypocrites you whitewashed tombs you know you look so great on the outside but inside you're like dead men's bones so it's a topic you have to be very careful in and grace does not mean that we soften the truth and believe it or not you my heart fine heart this hard to believe if you've listened to my sermons people have the audacity to say sometimes Shane you give people too much grace but grace does doesn't mean you soften the truth it means you hold the truth but with a broken heart grace understands if it wasn't for the grace of God there go why that marriage and divorce that could be us that could be you who are we to start judging and holding our head high and and and having this this kind of arrogant Pharisee Pharisee attitude on others but at the same time we hold to the truth we don't compromise it but there needs to be a lot of grace and you know if you have you ever been a difficult marriage don't raise your hand you might be right now many times we know what to do it's the doing it that's a hard part and we need that softness from God but we also sometimes need the hammer of God we need to we need to crush pride and crush hypocrisy and sometimes a man who is neglecting his family needs a good right hook not physically but with the hammer of God is not my word like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces God says is not my word like a fire that devours that pride and that arrogance I mean God's not talking about a physical hammer and real fire necessarily he's talking about how that relates to the human heart his heart his word is like a fire and a hammer and I told you last week if you weren't here last week you have to get the CD on your way out because this is really part two there is a big divide in the Christian community between some they would call fundamentals or ultra conservatives or just different theological beliefs and that that side would say that the only way you can remarry is if your spouse dies that's it end of story but what about when Jesus said if not except for fornication and they would interpret that word to mean if you get married and you find out later that your spouse was not a virgin then you have grounds for divorce like they did in the Old Testament I don't see that that's oh that's a what we call a quantum leap but there is one side a big side of Christianity that would believe that that you cannot remarry unless your spouse dies and you are disqualified from leadership for the rest of your life for example I could not be a pastor in the Assemblies of God denomination and other denominations because of what happened in my 20s which I find ironic you can kill somebody in your 20s you can come out of homosexuality in your 20s you can be a drunkard and a lascivious every sin in the book and if you come out of that you come to Christ and now you can be a pastor but because you have the big D on your forehead in your 20s now you can't to me it doesn't make any sense that's actually what God used to break me to humble me and to say okay Shane Eidelman I'm breaking you this this this time in your life and if you need to hear more that story you can hear that in part one I can share maybe my testimony at some point but that's really the point I'm trying to make is we really do people a disservice if we're not careful in this area there's one Christian leader who I look up to I respect but I disagree with in this area one pastor wrote to him he said one of my congregants has been hurt and traumatized and destabilized by the reading of this pastor's position paper on divorce the vast majority of evangelical pastors and scholars would characterize her divorce as tragic but biblically justified her husband was a serial and unrepentant adulterer she sought reconciliation for years pursued counseling accountability church discipline and pretty much anything she could have done but it didn't work her husband was not willing to give up his sin and the marriage ended it was the first time as a pastor that I've ever advised someone to get a divorce but this position of Christianity would say no too bad you got to stick with it you got to stick it out you got to just come on sister go through it get through it now in that there is some good advice as far as you do fight for reconciliation you do stick with it sometimes when the times get tough you do fight that battle sometimes God might have you praying for months or years so you there is some truth in that but we have to be careful that we don't just handle all situations in the same light because there are different circumstances different situations the truth doesn't change scripture is pretty clear on what is allowed and what's not allowed and that's what we're going to discuss this morning that we didn't discuss last week but here's what we talked about last week 1st Corinthians 715 but if the unbeliever departs let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases but God has called us to peace so to me that seems pretty clear but apparently to others it doesn't they try to twist scripture to fit theology is amazing sometimes so if there's an unbeliever they depart let him depart if a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases but God has called us to peace so here's a big question when to hold on when to move on can you answer that anyone when do I hold on or when do I move on and the sad news today is I can't give you that answer I can only point you to the one who has that answer and biblical principles it would be foolish for you to listen to anyone about advice on your marriage and allowing that person to lead your decision because often that person's view can be biased it can be skewed they don't know what's going on the other person's heart they don't know what's going on in your heart and anytime we tell our side the story don't we kind of change a little bit so we don't we don't look as bad and so you have to take it to the one who knows all things knows the heart I mean early in my ministry I was for sure well that's gonna end in divorce I mean there's no and then guess what they get back married again they stood they stood by it but when there's when there's physical abuse have you ever been in an angry home it's not fun it's difficult there's physical abuse there's emotional abuse there's mental abuse what there could be hitting things and children in danger and there there's a lot to this that's why some advice I would give one couple hey you know based on what you're telling me I would stick through it work it out get some counseling some other somebody else the same thing but with children or something I'd say hey I think it's good to separate and get some help you need to break away from that very dangerous and toxic environment so see how it's not a you know one-size-fits-all approach what about if your husband is now incarcerated for the rest of his life well can I remarry I can't answer those I mean biblically speak I'm gonna get to the answer in a minute but let me let me talk about this 15 but if the unbeliever departs let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage well if you look you can just look at the original language if you want it means to be bound to so if somebody departs you're no longer bound to them you're no longer a slave to them you're no longer carrying the weight of that relationship that's what it means because why God wants us to be in peace now you shouldn't be excited that they're leaving because sometimes in with Scripture we look for loopholes instead of anchors I've seen many scriptures where the husband's gone and the next day she's quoting this when did he leave you yesterday I'm applying this right now this there's a cashier cashier at Trader Joe's looks a little attractive and I've been talking to him it look he departed yesterday or a week ago or a month ago I mean this is when somebody departs there's a process of praying and waiting God what do you want to do what are you doing this hard I'm not in a hurry I'm I'm waiting on you but depart means to separate from themselves from something so Paul saying if an unbeliever now what about if a believer departs monkey wrench into the scriptures but we're gonna get to that in a minute I don't think it's a monkey wrench so departs means separates himself so here's the picture there's an unbeliever who leaves the marriage says I am out of here I'm done with you don't ever talk to me again I don't know what I was thinking I knew what I was I knew what I was feeling but what was I thinking Dirks Bentley fans I still have never seen the song or the video but somebody said that I really stuck out my mind I knew what I was thinking but what was I feeling or vice versa and they just leave they're gone what do you do now the Christian the Spirit filled Christian should be praying for reconciliation and restoration and that God yanks that person out of darkness and changes them that should be the focus of our prayer not on plan B not on the person we're attracted to at work and that's how the enemy will work in this I've seen this destroy more marriages than anything else not even a close second not there's not even a close second going through difficult times the flesh is magnet is it is attracted to this person and now this person becomes a stumbling block to reconciliation that's what you should erase any type of plan for plan B out of your mind there shouldn't be a person you're thinking about maybe I wonder if God brought this person in my life no no he probably didn't the devil can do you know the devil can bring people into your life to the devil can just introduce Cinderella to the knight in shiny armor and then let affections play in the but God opened a door does the devil open doors well that's true but it's a pretty good thing was it a God thing well they say they're a Christian are they are you still married are you still are you still bound to that person see that here's why it's difficult you've got spirit filled believer sometimes contending for a marriage where the other person isn't filled with God's Spirit they're quenching and grieving the Spirit or you have two carnal Christians or you have one's a unbeliever one's not if you get two spirit filled believers loving God loving his word humbling themselves it's gonna be hard to break that apart it just doesn't happen you don't see that very much I mean I don't personally know two people on fire for God that have have ended in divorce now I know it's out there you don't need to email me I'm sure there's there see there's exceptions but that does not negate the rule just because something happened doesn't mean and there's always that that draw to someone else if someone just waited on God and didn't didn't allow their flesh to direct them you'd be surprised at what might happen in marriages and restoration I won't tell too many testimonies case people are listening now but I don't think this couple is but we have a friends of ours I've told you this before that got married the same time we did go to a church and I just ran into him I like what's going on he's oh I'm engaged but they were separated now they're divorced now he's engaged already like what wrong what's wrong with your wife and you have little kids what's what happened there you see it's just that immediate that immediate draw to someone else or to something else it can really be destructive so what does Jesus say on divorce I think that's probably the most important thing correct Matthew 531 and 32 now you really have to study this scripture in context you have to look at you know you can look at Josephus an early church historian but you can look at the the the rabbis that were in Jesus this time at this at this particular junction what did they teach you can look at early church fathers ignatius Irenaeus polycarp Justin martyr and some of their writings on this you so you can kind of get a pretty good idea of what's going on so Jesus said it has been said anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce basically he must free her here's why before Moses divorce was and even in Moses his time if the husband didn't want her anymore guess what kick her in the curb that's where that that term comes from maybe she could do that to him probably there was no consideration of anything and you're helping this let's say you're the main supporter financially you're you're you're you're taking care of this family and you just kick her out where's she gonna go there's no money there's no revenue there's no resources she's a victim of your choice and Jesus we're gonna read in a little bit later where Jesus said because the hardness of your heart God allowed divorce but from the beginning it was never so so it's been said whoever divorces his wife gives her a certificate of divorce he frees her but I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality makes her the victim of adultery and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery okay now remember there's two sides of this one side that says you cannot remarry unless someone dies and they they turn this scripture around a little bit or the clean clean crisp reading of this Jesus is saying there's no grounds for biblical divorce except in the area of sexual immorality meaning what God has designed I guess we do a history lesson on this God has designed the sexual union of man and woman to be the covenant the binding contract the two become one flesh so when you break that covenant and you give your heart or self to another and you're breaking that covenant this provision seems to say that there is grounds to divorce there's grounds to separate from that person because they've already broken that commitment so he's saying here the marriage was not properly dissolved it has to be properly dissolved through sexual morality Jesus narrows the focus to unfaithfulness it breaks the bond of marriage but then it comes up what about lying and manipulating and abuse and divisiveness and all these other things and he's you know there's he's abused my children and all these terrible things well you know you can't say well too bad read this sexual morality only so as a pastor I'm careful I don't advocate divorce I don't know if I have ever told you that please tell me and remind me but I've never said yep just go for it yep take him to the bank take him to the cleaners my heart's always for reconciliation God Lord what do you want to do in understanding the heart of God see that's the heart of God and I don't see the heart of God is allowing someone to stay in a very destructive very abusive very harmful home especially for the children you know that's really hard to push now can you go get a divorce if there's not biblical grounds if you don't have biblical grounds for the divorce I would be leery of going out and filing for divorce right away I would seek God there's no there's no problem in separating people get upset at this too you're telling people separate yeah if you're a jerk at home and you're not changing she might need to go somewhere to wake you up the biggest wake-up calls people have ever had is when that when there is separation they realize what they're about ready to lose I didn't say divorce Paul will go on to say if you do leave stay unmarried so if there's a difficult home difficult things are going on there is I believe biblical grounds that person can separate get out of that environment and many times when they get out of that environment they begin to find freedom and wholeness a deeper relationship with God because they're out of the toxic dangerous home and then the other person wakes up and says oh I guess I am the problem I guess I'm about ready to lose this very important gift hopefully hopefully but usually what happens what do we learn earlier he hits the bar and plan to becomes a reality see people think oh now we're separated means now I'm free no you're not no you're not how many people have met someone so I'm separated right now we're gonna get a divorce eventually oh okay I can date you then no you can't if somebody is separated allow that separation to drive them to the cross allow that separation to drive them to a deeper relationship with God and let God answer those questions God can't direct you through his Word God can't give you insight and wisdom the problem is many times we're too much in a hurry we want those answers now I know many of you are already thinking what about this situation what about this situation what about this situation well let me read a commentary here Jesus appears to be saying that if a divorce is not legitimate then the remarriage is not legitimate conversely if the divorce is legitimate then the remarriage is legitimate in the context of the day the certificate of divorce was specifically given in order to permit a permit and endorse a remarriage so someone gave them a certificate of divorce they were saying you are free to marry someone else I'm divorcing you and that's why Jesus is clarifying except for this area of sexual immorality and what really stands out to me is if we took the Bible a little more seriously it might we might take dating a little more seriously or should I say dating the wrong person we might not be so flippant about marriage if it's just well if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out and that's the approach nowadays isn't it hey if it doesn't work it doesn't work but the approach really should be okay Lord are you leading me are you guiding me is this a person you have for me I'm not gonna rush into this Lord I want to know that you are leading me in this area and again Matthew 19 Jesus said because the hardness of your heart Moses allowed you to divorce your beginning it was not so so in a nutshell Jesus really only gives one out doesn't he in the area of sexual immorality and the question comes up what about pornography well as a man thinks in his heart so is if you even look at a woman who left for her you've committed adultery if there's an ongoing issue with this and the person is unrepentant it's it's not much different than the physical act so but again there's a lot of questions and there's the person willing to change is it there's there's so much it depends you have to take a case-by-case but I would say if there's a problem with this area pornography and he's unrepentant it's not any different than actually committing the actual act of adultery but again with all things with God there's restoration there's hope there's renewal many of you listening can and here today can testify to that that that you fought the fight and you hung in there and God worked it out so Jesus only gives this out but notice that he's talking primarily to the person filing the divorce he's going after the critical heart he's going after the person that wants the divorce what about the victim who's left to pay the price of the choice of another that has to be taken in consideration as well so remarriage really is not the issue in my opinion manipulation and abandonment are the remarriage doesn't come up too much other than that he's getting to the heart of the matter which is manipulation and abandonment so I appreciate the words of Jade Nolan on this point the normal understanding of Matthew 532 runs the danger of leaving the woman involved a double victim she has been divorced by a husband who may well have rejected her at his whim boom victim one one hit to the it to the one blow and now she is barred from any new relationship because she bears the stigma of the divorce so this person now is a double victim because a choice of the other that's why you really have to look at what is the heart of God what and not just and not just you know immediately quote scripture at someone without feeling their pain and understanding where they're coming from a situation we know somebody I believe around 2023 can you believe that very abusive home who knows pornography involved affairs we're not sure had to leave done pray contended went back home went back home went back home still the abuse still the physical abuse and if he says I'm done with you I'm filing I'm moving on and then now she's at 23 just that's it you can never remarry never have any more kids take a vows Elvis and put on your nun cap again I'm not minimizing scripture I'm just saying you better be careful be very careful and what is the heart of God because we don't know if that gentleman was committing adultery we don't know what the background is to that so clearly understand that I'm not advocating divorce nor am I saying that if you are currently separated that divorce is an option because better opportunities await you a man that's not what I'm saying God hates divorce anyone who has been there knows why here's why I try to find the balance because when we just take scripture and you just throw it at someone and you can't relate to them you've never been through a challenging situation it's very it doesn't doesn't sit well it doesn't you don't have that grace it's like telling someone struggling with depression I'm just I'm struggling right now we're thinking of taking my life read the Bible and get over it now that's good advice read the Bible metta on God's Word but see unless you've experienced it you have to be careful so what is the heart of God what about the person now well I'm gonna sum this up in a minute if you have some questions but what about the person now that's saying did I make a mistake or I made a mistake how often does that happen during preaching we hear the Word of God and we say I've made a mistake I've fallen well let me encourage you repent and repair what you can repent and repair what you can as much as it depends upon you what can you do what is God ministering in your own spirit divorce is not the impardonable sin we sometimes think it is don't we divorce is the impardonable sin it's not now if somebody got was divorced earlier and it wasn't biblical you know you have to be careful you have to be careful with what you do with your life you have to take it to God we have to repent we have to acknowledge God I need your direction in this area I need you to show me what to do and go and repair what you can if you can if God's leading so seek God over the advice of others here's what you need to do prayer is your heartbeat right now did you catch that seek God over the advice of others going to others will drive you insane it's okay to get counsel now and then but have you ever felt like a double-minded man unstable in all his ways because this person is oh Lord I don't know what to do I don't don't do anything just wait wait on God now there's people in the midst right now listening this in the midst of a divorce or the divorce has already gone through or that's the direction they're heading I just encourage you take it to God seek him meditate on his word get it deep inside of you God will lead those who are willing to follow as long as what is not in your way plan B how many people have plan B what's plan B Shane you know what it is plan B is if this doesn't work out here's where I'm going here's I'm running to we're so craving of relationships we have to have someone the rebound approach have you heard that before soon as somebody breaks up they got to find somebody that's got to find something and that happens in divorce you're separating like oh I'm lonely and that's good to feel this way I mean that's legitimate and and I want that relationship and and we begin to meet someone who and then now we start to draw away from restoration and now if you have biblical grounds for divorce and it didn't work out and God is bringing new hope and peace in your life you live on that you seek him and you allow him to direct you but we have to be careful here too because many times these plan B's they prevent reconciliation more than anything else so in a nutshell here's what I tell people if you want to know it's gonna this will will save this CD for marriage counseling and they can listen to this everything I've said already plus this if the possibility of reconciliation still exists fight for it and contend for it if there's a possibility of reconciliation fight for it and contend for it I can't say well you know it's beyond God's grasp go ahead and and file for that divorce but again there's different situations what about if the person is just just totally abusive a lying and a manipulator and just you name it they are that person that that that ooh you know who that is and it's hard to pray for reconciliation and we'll pray that God would save them so I believe you fight and you contend for your marriage as long as you can until God gives you clarity otherwise there's no harm in waiting is there the only harm in waiting is this my biological clock is ticking and I've been there I know I can relate I mean there's it's hard to just wait but there's no harm in waiting but there is much harm in rushing when people rush ahead I don't want to be negative but the statistics on second marriages are not better than first marriages I could share quite a bit of stories with you over the years when we've told people the grass isn't greener and we've heard from them we've heard from them that the grass is not greener and now they're in their second marriage wanting out what do you what do you tell that person I remember two came to mind we've shared this one before but it was a young woman we just started the church and she was gonna leave her husband she did she left her husband and two little kids it was amazing statement I'll never forget she said I know what the Bible says but God just wants me to be happy that's a very bad interpretation of Scripture yes God wants you to be filled with joy joy filled happiness is what's happening to you but that is not the option there wasn't biblical grounds that I was aware of then we heard from her a few years later miserable upset knew she made the wrong decision another lady it was think it was 2009 I'll never forget I remember the desk I was sitting at a friend of mine said she left me there's nothing I can do she's she Facebook she met somebody on Facebook now how often have we heard of that that's the number one thing I've heard of see the devil can make connections oh I remember them in high school better go see how they're doing no you better not you don't need to see how they're doing if you're attracted to that little picture you don't need to see what they're doing see connections and they got and then the devil can bring that back up again but anyway so I reached out to her this whole thing the grass isn't greener it's gonna you know and then we she's in her second marriage miserable but can't divorce him and go back to her first because the first is married and the children were older teenagers but still traumatized hurt how selfish sometimes how our choices affect deeply affect our children and our marriages so there's no harm in waiting no harm in rushing and that's why I was struggled with this message because I know there's every situation listening just about somebody heading to divorce court I know getting ready their divorce is gonna be final and then another couple whose divorce was final friends of mine from high school a month ago is there any hope in that yeah there's hope they're both still single don't go to plan B don't go to plan B and then others that are that are contemplating others just holding on and and that's why I'm maybe it frustrates people because there's not clear-cut do this do this do this but I encourage people seek God with all your heart he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him I've never known God you love I love that song we sing not once have you ever let me down not once have you ever failed me I failed myself people failed me but not once as God by his sheer grace and mercy ever failed us we fell ourselves where people fell us and so we're to look to him and him alone so he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him there's it there what does diligently mean it's that that constant you ever hear the drip in your water faucet it's not good water but it's good when you're pursuing God that diligence that not giving up and not giving in he rewards us he will show the person he might restore their marriage he might renew the relationship with himself he might give them insight and wisdom if God is ministering restoration in your spirit wait for it contend for it pray fervently for it he might be doing that but sometimes we want to do what is right so bad that we may think that it's God and we get frustrated but what about if the believer departs who how much time do we have what if a believer departs because we do get that question well a real believer because there's some there's some wolves in sheep's clothing there's people that say it but they don't live it but for the sake of this question it's a real believer it appears from scripture that God's plan is for them to reconcile or remain single to the married I give the command now it depends if the believer commits adultery we've seen God heal many marriages where adultery occurred it's not the unpardonable sin healing can take place but if it's a consistent unrepentant sin of adultery it just keeps you know years after year you know and it's just that's who this person is there there's that scriptural course to end that marriage but what we don't see is somebody gets in a has an affair and then the next day you run to the courthouse you know see what God is doing that don't rush in that area as well so if a believer departs Paul we wrote we actually read this last week I believe it's verse 10 1st Corinthians 7 I didn't put the chapter or verse you might not even have it up there but just I'll just read it to you to the married I give this command not I but the Lord a wife must not separate from her husband you want to underline that a wife must not separate from her husband but if she does she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and a husband must not divorce his wife so that's pretty clear he's writing to the church in Corinth he's talking to believers but what's the number one reason that people begin to separate I'm just not attracted to them anymore I don't love them anymore and they begin to drift away so what do we do in this case if a believer leaves well Paul is putting out the command here that we're not to separate but if a separation does occur that that during that time they are to remain unmarried what's the what's the purpose well if both believers are remaining unmarried and separated hopefully they can be praying for God's will because even though they're separated they're not joined to another they're not married to another they haven't broken their covenant they haven't committed adultery so there's a separation occurs how many people know that separation can be good if the right things happen during separation if they take a break get out of the toxic environment they're just not getting along they realize in their aloneness and their quietness and their singleness if you want to call it that they begin to seek God more fervently then God can bring that back together even stronger but again the majority of the time that doesn't happen they separate they think the word separation means divorce and they meet someone else and it falls apart so it's an area you have to be very careful in so I'm going to sum up last week and this week for you in this divorce in the case of adultery so it seems that the scripture does allow divorce in the case of adultery marital unfaithfulness pornography including any type of that illicit type of sexual union with someone else that breaks the bonds of marriage and then divorce it seems in the case of abandonment when the unbeliever leaves if there's an unbeliever they depart they leave they're not coming back again don't rush to divorce don't rush to the next find the next person to me and people how long do I have to wait I have no clue but I know it's not a week I know it's not a few months when someone leaves there's there's a significant amount of time that we need to be spent seeking God waiting on what they do if they decide to date someone else and they're living with someone else they're getting married to that other person God might direct you with some peace on moving forward so again it depends on the situation but I would still pray for reconciliation I pray for God that God would get their heart some people feel convicted and I've people have told me the shame he's left but I'm not I'm not dating again I'm not marrying again and that's completely good and biblical if God's put that in your heart but again go back to the story I have you have a 24 year old again age doesn't matter if it overrides scripture I'm just giving you scenarios if you have a young person their spouse leaves and they're not coming back they've abandoned them it seems to say here through the writings of Paul you can read first Corinthians 7 yourself that there is divorce in the case of abandonment but abandonment me it takes a while because many people leave and they have a change of heart don't they I don't know what I was thinking God's really spoke to me can we talk how often have we heard that God's restored marriages that way before so that would be my advice is not be in a hurry if somebody abandoned you it doesn't mean oh good now I can remarry the heart should be waiting and getting direction from God and then it seems to be their separation in the case of mental and physical abuse mental physical abuse spiritual abuse you you would have you would shed tears in this room if I shared some of the things that are going on in some families my lord God help us and then some people say well no you just got to stay there and put up with it I don't agree with that and then people say what Shane you can't recommend divorce I'm not I'm just saying get out of that dangerous situation get out of that toxic environment be able to seek God again somehow homes are ran like a prison and there's nothing wrong with separating from that type of environment unless you can show me some scripture that's very solid on this issue I think that's why Paul said if they depart let them remain single knowing that there would be some challenges ahead separation the case of challenging marriages oh lord that's pretty broad isn't it whose marriage isn't challenging if your marriage is not challenging can you talk to us after the after the message but again what are those challenges and I'm talking with people this month it's it is very difficult I don't have answers I mean there are in some they're in some bad marriages we'll see with that that doesn't seem a way out it seemed it's frustrating I'd be frustrating with them especially when there's there's drugs or alcohol involved or medication and the person is just not who they normally would be it's psychotic a borderlines on it's just what do you do with this Shane well I know you don't run to plan B I know you don't run to the advice from the world I know you don't just be excited about getting out of the marriage I know you seek God and there might be a time to just separate let us go let's get our bearings again let us let's just get away from each other and seek God and that's the heart of God is reconciliation that's his heart I believe so I'm gonna leave you with this hope for the hurting hope for the hurting we talked about last Wednesday get that CD as well I talked about how a blessed how a person is blessed blessed is the man or woman who what meditates on God's Word blesses the man or woman who walketh not of the council of the ungodly some this might be a word for some of you this morning where are you're getting your advice from where Huffington Post CNN Drudge Report Hollywood where inquire it's tempting to grab that thing from the from the store isn't it what 500 million dollar divorce and you're in where are we getting our influence from we need to be getting back into God's Word having it change our hearts blesses the man who woman who walks not in the council of the ungodly and this week I'm talking about a chapter 2 in Psalm on Wednesday and I love this closing verse blessed are all those who take refuge in him blessed are all those who take safety in Christ do you want to be blessed of God do you want your marriage to be more abundant do you want to be a better father a better mom you want to be blessed by the things of God then you'd better take refuge in him what is that you're coming in from outside the storm you're coming into his shelter and protection but how shame you become a worshipper don't let worship be boring don't let the Bible be boring don't let prayer be boring become a worshipper and a prayer warrior and getting back into God's Word but Shane I don't feel like it then you pray God make me feel like it God make me feel like it I want that I want the fire of God I want the power and presence of God a W Tozer said or I don't want to have anything to do with religion amen too many people don't know the power and presence of God they're not taking refuge in Christ they know about it intellectually they think about they'll consider they'll go to church from time to time but that's not taking ref refuges you run to him you run to him in the morning you run to him in the evening throughout the day you're abiding in him you're meditating in his word yes though you fall you will get up again because Christ will pull you up because he is your refuge he is your strength he is your ever-present help in time of need he is the one you call on at 1 in the morning he's the one you call and said the psychologist or the counselor he's the one you turn to when all hell breaks loose not Xanax Valium and Vicodin you turn to Christ and Christ alone that's the hope oh my I could go off on that one for a while let me tell you how stubborn the human heart is and how open unopen it is for correction just when I say things like that I get people emailing me long stories of why they should be on medication I'm not saying there's not a time and place for it sounds like a conviction alert just went off in your head to have to justify why you're taking Xanax you might need it there's serotonin uptake inhibitors that help serotonin levels I got it but our nation is running to the medicine closet instead of the prayer closet you can tweet that one you can just write it down right we are running to the medicine closet and not to the prayer closet there might be a time and a place for that but you don't run to it you run to Christ and let him direct you let him because a lot of those things there's not complete hope in them they are finding they are finding that majority of suicides are already on antidepressants something that's supposed to take away the depression that's causing it we could talk about the mass shootings how many of those are on psychiatric drugs I mean I could we could just really take this in a whole new direction here but suffice it to say you have to take refuge in Christ Lord help us let me just close with the power of prayer I want to encourage you the power of prayer just this week we prayed with two ladies I think one of them's here Marilyn's here my wife and we prayed for two prodigals specifically and we prayed and we got I got texts that day that God was working in their hearts something is changing like say and we're like they're like can you believe this no I can't believe it wait a minute why can't we believe this this is we're the power of prayer when God starts to move he said I can't believe this so it should be the opposite I know God's going to move and I think as Christians with the authority of God's word if you're a praying Christian believing Christian on the promises of God you can say God your word says this and we're going to stand on it we're going to pray again we're going see you need to get back to the prayer closet prayer is like a sledgehammer that hits a concrete wall one brick at a time oh your prodigal son you're not home yet but I'm hitting one brick at a time one brick at a time every morning every evening whoa be the whoa be the person who relies on a five-minute devotional as if that's going to come against the gates of hell you need to pull out the weapons of your warfare Paul describes the sword of the spirit the breastplate the banner the truth the belt the helmet of salvation all these things to go to war and go to battle we need to get back to a praying church if I were you I'd begin to remove things from your calendar that are pulling you away from God and begin to get that time in prayer that's the only hope for our nation I am well aware that sermons sermons are great I love preaching sermons but you're not motivated to prayer and if you're not motivated to take action it just fell on deaf ears and I wasted a lot of time Christians have to take action and become people of prayer and then finally I just have to throw this out are you an unbeliever do you truly not know God I know you know about him I'm running into a lot of people these days that know about God oh yes I know God he's in everything well what do you what do you mean by that the one true and living God who sent his son on the cross who died for your sin for my sin that God be crystal clear on that God millions of AA meetings this morning are saying to the higher power we acknowledge a higher power no you have to acknowledge the one true and living God whose name is Jesus Christ he's the way the truth of life nobody can come to the father except through him so I want to throw out that invitation do you truly know him do you have a relationship with him have you repented of your sin maybe that will repair your marriage oh how many marriages have been repaired when a believer came to Christ or an unbeliever came to Christ how lit how long of a list is that and so many people are trying I want my marriage to work I don't want divorce but if you're fighting against God that might be impossible repent of your sin