In this sermon, the preacher shares a personal story about a boy who disrespects his mother and the consequences he faces. The preacher emphasizes the importance of treating women, particularly wives, with respect and not as "weaker vessels." He uses the analogy of breaking ice in buckets to illustrate how over time, the special treatment and love for one's spouse can diminish if not nurtured. The preacher also highlights the need for balance between family and church responsibilities, emphasizing the importance of Sabbath rest. Ultimately, the sermon emphasizes that everything in life is meant to shape believers into the image of Jesus Christ.

It would seem quite unusual for this, this time, possibly, but I just, I feel as though if I don't, I'll be disobedient to the Lord. So, I need to do that. I want us to go to the book of Romans, chapter 8. Romans chapter 8, verse 28. And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good. For those who are called according to His purpose. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father, I come before you in the name of your Son. And Lord, I know that I could be the one, as much as anyone in need of the things that I believe I'm going to say. Help us, Lord, to be Christian in the places where it is most difficult to be Christian. In Jesus' name, Amen. Let's read this text again. And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good. For those who are called according to His purpose. In all aspects of life, one of the most important things, if not the most important thing, is to understand certain things about God. One of those is that God is all sovereign. There's not a maverick molecule in the universe. There is nothing that has happened that has not been ordained by God. If my wife and children are going to church tonight, and they run off the road, and supernaturally they're somehow put back on the road and saved, it is ordained of God. If they run off the road and are all three killed, it is ordained of God. It is not an accident. It is not something that just happened because we live in a fallen world, and God was doing the best He could. No, I couldn't live in a world like that. It's because all things that occur are ordained of God. There is not a maverick molecule in the universe. He's Lord over all, and He does as He pleases in the heavens and in the earth and under the earth. Now, why am I sharing this? Because this truth that we have here is not only foundational to theology or foundational to ministry, but it's foundational to something I'm going to talk about tonight, and that's your marriage. I know it seems kind of unusual to come to a group of meetings, and all of a sudden the man pops up and says, you're going to speak on marriage, but I feel like it's what I'm supposed to do. It's what I will do, as long as you grant me the grace to do it. God is sovereign. Another thing, God is loving and good. If He was only sovereign, then we might have a case to be bitter against Him when bad things happen or things seem to go wrong. We might say, well, He's sovereign, but He's not good. Or He's sovereign, but He does not love me. And that would produce bitterness in our heart, but that's not true. God is sovereign, and God loves you with a love you cannot even comprehend. As a matter of fact, a love so great that you will spend all of eternity trying to track out and trace out how great that love is, and you'll never be able to do it. So not only is He sovereign, He's loving, and He's good. But not only is He sovereign, loving, and good, but He is all wise. He is not just someone up there that has all power and really loves you, but is not sure about what's best for your life, because that too would produce bitterness and depression when things don't go as you think they ought to go. It would take away all contentment. A believer cannot have contentment in their life, not a sure, strong, biblical contentment, unless they believe everything that has happened to me has been the sovereignty of God, and that God is loving and good and all wise. You put those things together, and you have a rock-solid foundation for absolutely anything. Now, what does that have to do with marriage? Absolutely everything. Absolutely everything. Now, I want us to look. We read this passage in verse 28. I want us to go down. It says, For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. And those whom He predestined, He also called. And those whom He called, He also justified. And those whom He justified, He also glorified. Now, we look at this passage, we see different things that the Lord is working in our lives. Sometimes we take this passage too theologically. We think that it's only dealing with soteriology. It's only dealing with salvation, the way God saves a man. No, God is using all these words to encompass the entire Christian life. Everything in the Christian life, God has laid out, He has purposed, and He has planned. Absolutely everything. He made the way for our justification. His Son dying on that tree under the wrath of God and rising from the dead. Heaven paid the penalty of sin against God's people. Not only that, but in time, He called you forth. He regenerated you and granted you the grace of repentance and faith. And with that repentance and faith, you believed and you were justified. Declared to be legally right before Him. Those whom He justified, He is constantly working a work of sanctification. And He will do the work. He will finish the work He began. And not only that, one day every child of God will stand before Him glorified in His presence. So every aspect of your Christian life is under the sovereign direction of God. And you say, yes, my Christian life, but I did a lot of terrible things before my Christian life that messed up a lot of stuff. Well, it probably messed up a lot of stuff, but it did not mess up God's plan. God could have intervened if He had chosen to, to save you from many of the sins you committed in your early life. And in His wisdom, He decreed not to. What I want you to see is that there is no way around it. God is in control of every aspect of your life. He will be in control of every aspect of your life. And He has been before the foundation of the earth was laid in control of your life. And what is the purpose of all this controlling? What is it? What is the good? Look in verse 28. He says, for we know that all, we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to what? Be conformed to the image of His Son. Now, everything that God has ever ordained and done in your life, the purpose of that, one great purpose, that you be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Absolutely everything that God does and has done and will do in your life has one great end, to make you like Jesus. Everything else, everything else orbits around that. If God grants me health, it is for what reason? That through that health, I might somehow be conformed to the image of Christ. If God takes away my health, which He has, if God takes away my health, it is for what purpose? To conform me to the image of Christ. If God prospers you economically, it is only for one reason, to conform you to the image of His Son. If He takes away absolutely everything you have, it is to conform you to the image of His Son. Everything, including and especially your marriage, has one great purpose, to conform you to the image of His Son. But you would rather have something else, wouldn't you? You prove it by the way you live and the way you act, and the way you respond to adversity. What is it that you really want? Do you want what God wants? Because if you wanted what God wanted, you'd always be content. You want to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Are you willing to suffer poverty for that if necessary? Are you willing to die martyrdom for that if necessary? Are you willing to embrace the loss of those dearest to you if it is necessary for you to be conformed to the image of Christ? Are you willing to be the off-scouring of all men, hated, despised? Are you willing to go places you don't want to go, to be carried where you don't want to be carried? We often say that we are so wanting to be made like Jesus Christ. But you know, I tell young men this, the most terrifyingly dangerous prayer you could ever pray in your entire life is, God, make me like Your Son. I remember one time when I was in Peru, and I had seen the devastation of an entire ministry. A group had entered in when I wasn't there, tore apart a church. I was also suffering from chronic pain. I've had both my hips replaced since then, but at that time they were not, I could barely walk. I walked out on this balcony out in the city of Lima, and I was crying, and I said, God, why? Everything I've worked for has been destroyed. I hurt so bad I want to put a bullet to my head. Why? Why? Why? And I did not hear a voice. But things began to come back to me of the times when I was a young Christian of praying with other friends of mine in the night, crying out to God, God, make me like Jesus. Make me like Jesus. Make me like Jesus. It's almost as though the Lord was saying, Paul, I'm giving you exactly what you asked me for, to be made like Jesus. There is nothing in your life, nothing that does not have the purpose, primary purpose of making you like Jesus. And that, my friend, is the purpose of your marriage. I do not like most books written on marriage today. I do not. Because they seem to want to put before the people of God that the purpose of marriage is to have a little bit of heaven on earth. That the purpose of marriage is to have bliss. That the purpose of marriage is to have your needs met. The purpose of marriage is for both of you to come into perfect unity and just live a life of bliss. No, it is not. As a matter of fact, God will purposely take some of those things away from your marriage. Because He is using your marriage not to satisfy all your temporal lusts. He wants to use your marriage to conform you to the image of Jesus Christ. And many people of God walk around distraught because their marriage, their relationship with their wife and their husband doesn't seem to add up to all the Christian books that they've read. And they think something's terribly wrong with their life. And they do not recognize that if they knew the truth, it would set them free. And hopefully you'll understand that tonight. Now, first of all, I'm going to go back. This will help a little bit for the single, the young single people here tonight also. You know, I'm in my office, let's say, and some young man comes in my office. Looks like he's been smacked with a two before. And he says, I'm going to get married. I say, really? Does the woman know about that? Yes, I'm going to marry her. Okay, sit down. Why? Why? Well, because I love her. What does that mean? How do you know you love her? Well, I just, I like being around her. I just feel wonderful when we're together. I think she's beautiful. And we can talk and we can share and we get along and we share so many of the same ideas and desires. And we're just so compatible. And I just want to be with her. It's okay. Let me see if I've got this straight. You want to marry this girl because she meets, fulfills all your temporal, self-centered, selfish desires. Is that what you're telling me? No, that's not what I mean. That's exactly what you said, young man. That's exactly what you said. You want to be with her because you like to be with her. What's going to happen when you don't like to be with her or when you see someone else that you would like to be with more because that's going to happen? You say that you get along. What's going to happen when you don't get along, young man? Or when you meet someone that you get along with a lot better? You say you can talk. What's going to happen when you can't talk? And then Satan sends someone else with whom you can talk all the time. You see, young man, you don't even know what you're talking about. You don't know anything about marriage. You're not ready to be married. She meets your needs. She fulfills your desires. That is not the purpose of marriage. What is the purpose of marriage? First of all, marriage is a calling. It really is. It's a calling. It's a calling. The basis of my marriage is not that I'm physically attracted to my wife, Charo. The basis of my marriage is not that we share some emotional unity. The basis of my marriage is not that I like her. The basis of my marriage is the same basis of my ministry and of everything else in my life. I believe that God has called me to marry her. That would be too simple. Let me put it this way. I believe that God has called me to lay down my life for a specific daughter of His who goes by the name of Charo Casado de Washer. I have been called to do what? To obey God. You say, well, this is sounding kind of cold. No, I'm not portraying all of marriage to you. I'm putting down the foundation. God has called Paul Washer to lay down his life. Now, I'm not just talking poetry here. I'm talking about die as Christ gave Himself for the church. He has called Paul Washer to die for one of his daughters in a relationship that will last as long as he is alive or she is alive. Now, what's important about that? Let's say that God has called me. Where do I find my pleasure in life? Where do I find my contentment in life? In my marriage? Well, my marriage ought to bring some of that, but that should not be the source of my contentment, my joy, my security, anything. Because if it is, it's idolatry and God will destroy it. The source of my joy, my contentment, my peace, my stability, everything is God and His will for my life. And it is His will that I lay down my life for this woman. Now, look what happens. If she's absolutely gorgeous, praise God. If she's not, I'm not going anywhere because I am called to lay down my life for this woman. So it doesn't matter if through the years she grows older, gets a little rounder. It doesn't matter if through the years Satan, and I use him purposely because this is what he does. It doesn't matter if Satan brings another person near my life, more attractive. None of that matters. Why? I have been called to lay down my life for this daughter of God. My marriage, the foundation of it, is not that my aesthetic desires have been fulfilled. Do you see that? So if she's absolutely gorgeous, praise the Lord. If she's deformed in an auto accident, it doesn't matter because my marriage has never been about me being with a beautifully gorgeous, physical, gorgeous woman. It's always been about doing the will of the Father. So no matter what happens to this woman, I am there and I am blind to everyone else. It doesn't matter if someone else comes along with whom I can speak. It doesn't matter if I have trouble having conversations with my wife. It doesn't matter if my wife and I have different hobbies, different personalities, different makeup. None of that matters anymore. My joy does not come from there. From where does it come? God has called me to lay down my life for this woman. Now, something else that you need to understand. Many men who are godly, who desire to truly serve Christ, and young men listen to this, they hope to have a mate that will follow them in that service to Christ. Kind of a Batman and Robin team. You know, we're both working together for the cause of Christ. For the most part, men who desire a woman like that never get a woman like that. God doesn't allow it. He won't. Why? Because there's something bigger going on here. Something much bigger. What does God need? Absolutely nothing. What does God desire? Your conformity to the image of Christ. So what is God going to do? Now listen to me, men. This is what God has done if you're married. This is what He will do if you're not married. God is going to give you a woman who is strong in all the areas where she must be strong so that you are not tempted beyond what you can bear. But God is also going to give you a woman. He is going to orchestrate it so that she lacks many of the qualities and things that you most have dreamt about when you were single. He is going to do that and He's going to do it on purpose. You say, man, He hates me. No, He doesn't. He's going to give you a woman that is blessed and gifted in so many areas that you cannot recognize because you're blind looking for other things that you want. But He's going to give you a woman who does not meet all the unrealistic and unbiblical qualifications that you have desired. Now why is He going to do that? This is the reason He's going to do that. God wants you to be like Jesus. When we talk about Christ, the main thing we speak of with the most frequency is the love of Jesus Christ. And the most thing that we speak about regarding the love of Jesus Christ is that it is what? Unconditional. If you are ever going to start looking and being like Jesus Christ, then you must learn to love unconditionally. You must have an object of love that does not meet all the conditions that you've laid out. Now, I've been talking men, but this flips over and it's the same way for women. It's the same way for women. I have been amazed at how many spiritual, just driven men are given wives that aren't that driven. And I am amazed at how many very driven spiritual women are given men that aren't that driven. The thing they most want. Why? Take away the conditions that you feel are most important to you and then you'll learn to love. You will learn to love. The point that I'm trying to make is this. You are married to a person, whether you're a man or a woman, you're married to a person who hasn't met all the conditions. You're trying to change them. You're trying to manipulate them, maneuver them. You've been doing it for years. You really have. You want them to meet the conditions because these things are so important. You know, cast aside the other things. I really don't care that much about those. I just want these. I really want these. But God wants you to learn to love as Jesus Christ loves. And that is giving yourself to someone who does not meet all the conditions. That's what marriage is about. It really is. Learning to love as Jesus Christ loved. You say, well, what's wonderful about that? Absolutely nothing if you're not a Christian. But if you're a Christian, it is a joy. Now, let me share something with you. So many times, speaking about conditions, I'll have men come up to me and they'll go, maybe even men who want to get a divorce. And they'll say things like this, well, I just don't love her anymore. I just don't love her anymore. And I'm sure that most of you would not say that tonight, hopefully, most of you men. But you may say or think something like this, the love that I had or the passion that I had for her is not what it used to be. Now, in a lot of ways you'll say it's deeper, it's better, but it's just not what it used to be. And what happens in most conditions like that? This is what men will do. They'll start, well, since these needs are not being met in my life, then they slack off on meeting the needs of their wife. And everything just kind of becomes conditional, doesn't it? Well, when she does this, I'll do that. Well, when he does this, I'll do that. And what happens usually? Misery. Oh, they're good Christians, so they'll never get divorced. But they've been divorced for a long time. They're divorced at home. And don't think your children can't see it. There's just no love. What's the cure for that? Exactly the opposite of what the world would tell you. Let me ask you a question. Now, here I'm going to talk about emotional love for a moment. Men, emotional love, romantic love, the kind of love that just kind of makes you feel like you've been hit between the eyes with the two before. Is that good or bad? Well, man, you guys have got some serious problems. That is good stuff. I just hate it. You know, you get around a bunch of super spiritual people. Well, that's not important. Well, it's important to me. Is that important? And is it good? Yeah. It is. I mean, you come home from work. Wife's in there doing the dishes. Man, you grab her and do a jig right through the house. You're so happy. When was the last time you did that? And you really need to grow in the Lord if you haven't. But all that emotion and all that love and all that romance and all those things that seem to have died, they're good. How do you get them back? Well, you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what a lot of people tell you to do, but that doesn't work either. Here's how you do it. You recognize that every good and perfect thing comes down from the Father of Lights, whom there is no shifting a shadow, there is no turning. So if it's a good thing, it comes from Him. And if it's no longer coming from Him, there's only one thing that can cut you off from the blessings of God and that's sin in your own life. And so when I have men come to me and say, look, our marriage just really isn't a whole lot there anymore. I mean, we're dedicated and we're obedient and we're not going to get a divorce. We homeschool and everything else, but our marriage just really doesn't blossom much. It just isn't a whole lot there. I always tell them, sir, you have sin in your life. Here's what I admonish you to do. Go home and serve your wife. Go home and serve her. Go home and lay down your life for her. Serve her. Find out what she desires. Find out what she wants. If it's biblical, if it's right, do it. No matter what you have to do, if you have to cut out time and everything else, including the ministry, go home and serve your wife. And what will happen? Well, then it kind of opens up that channel again between you and the Father of lights. And blessing comes down. You see, we have a conditional mindset. And it's this. Well, you know, if I have all these feelings and if I really feel this towards her, then boy, I'm going... You remember when you first met her? Do you remember that, men? I mean, you acted like an idiot. Your heart was pounding, blood all up. I mean, you were just totally out of your mind. And then gradually, what happens? Just gradually less, less. And when you first met her, you treated her so special. I mean, so special. And she knew it. There's nothing worse than commonality. There's nothing worse than when things become common. It's demonic. It's like the first time I went through the Andes Mountains. My jaw dropped open. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. And the old missionary that was there with me on the train slept through the whole thing. I just couldn't believe it. And a few years later, I took a group of young guys across the Andes and slept the whole way. And we think, well, you know, the reason why we did that at first is because we felt these things. And it demonstrated how immature and selfish our love was, how unlike Christ our love truly was because we felt those things. And we were basically paying her back for all the special feelings she was giving to us. But when those special feelings start waning, then what happens? I'll tell you what happens. She stops becoming special or at least treated that way. And you've fallen into the realm of conditions, of conditions, of conditions. Now, I want us to go for a moment to the book of Ephesians. Chapter 5. Verse 22 says, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. His body and is Himself its Savior. Now, I think it's quite interesting that I always hear men talking about how they are the head of their wife, which is true. It is true. How come I never hear men talking about that they're also the Savior of their wife? Look what it says. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body and is Himself its Savior. Now, we all know that the husband does not redeem the wife, is not the cause of her salvation. But the whole idea, if you follow the parallel, if you properly look at this text, that we are to be the head of our wives in the same way that Christ is the head of the church, we are also to be, in a sense, the Savior of our wives as Christ is the Savior of the church. I'm always talking to men who talk about being the head of their wives, but never the Savior. Now, what does that mean? Well, just look a little bit further. I want you to look in verse 25. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word. And what's the reason? So that He might present the church to Himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So what is Christ doing? Christ has saved the church, but look at this, He's constantly working to sanctify the church. And why is He working to sanctify the church? Because one day, Christ is going to present the church to Himself and there's not going to be one thing on His bride that He does not approve of. Now, let me submit this to you, men. If you've been married for 10 years or 15 years and you don't like your wife, it's your fault. What have you been doing to sanctify her? To be her Savior? To lead her to greater Christlikeness? And be careful here, because a lot of men do not find their wives acceptable to them, but it's not because the woman is not godly. It is not because the woman does not have virtue. It's because the men have some sensual desire that Christ does not want them to have in the first place. What I'm talking about here is with regard to virtue and character and spirituality, the personality of the woman, how much has your life been an influence to make her what you desire her to be? Now, when I teach on this, I'm very, very afraid unless I have several hours to do it. Why? Because a lot of guys hear that and they go, that's right, I've got to get my wife home and get her in a Bible study. I need to straighten her out. I need to start working on this. And they're so blind. Blind guides. And it would be better that they never even heard me say these things. Because that's not what we're talking about, getting your wife home and getting her in a Bible study and just teaching her all the things that she's failing you on. That's not... You see, listen to me, men. When it talks about wives submitting to the husband, it is in the context of a Christ-like husband. Sure, it's easy for the church, or it should be easy, there's no problem, should be no problem with the church submitting to Jesus Christ. Why? He's all loving. He's good. He's wise. He's holy. Well, wives need to submit to me. But what about the part over here? Where are you being Christ-like? Let me tell you something, men, and I believe this with all my heart. We are so wrong about everything in Christianity. I think the only thing that's going to save Christianity in America is persecution. Blow this whole thing totally to pieces. Destroy every one of our buildings and everything. Because we are so far off. I don't think we could find a biblical lifestyle if we had a road map, because we do and we can't find it. This is not about ministry. This is not about pastoring. This is not about being an itinerant preacher or the director of a mission society. It's not about going outside the home and doing all these great things because all that stuff is just so easy. It's unbelievable. It's about... I am never told to lay down my life for the church. Do you realize that? There's not one command in the Bible that commands me to lay down my life for my church. But I am commanded to lay down my life for my wife. Do you know there's nowhere in the Bible that says lay down my life for my children? As a matter of fact, let me share with you something, men. I really didn't prepare a message tonight, so we're kind of flying all over the place. Let me just share with you something. It's a grotesque illustration, but it's a good one. If I'm in a boat with my wife and my two boys and I'm the only one that swims, and that boat begins to sink and I can only save one person, it's my wife I am to save. You ever hear someone say there's nothing like a mother's love? That's demonic. There's nothing like a father's love, the Bible says. You know why most mothers love their children so much? They don't really love their children that much. It's just they're drawing all the emotional needs from their children that they should be getting from their husband. They're more attached to their children than they are their husband because they get nothing from their husband. And so they end up almost like a parasite sucking things out of their children that they should never be taking from them. Now you understand why I preach in a lot of places only once. It's true. Nothing like a mother's love. It should be there's nothing like a spouse's love. You know the best thing I can do for my boys is to love their mother more than any human being on the face of the earth. I love their mother more than any human being on the face of the earth and those boys are going to be going, that ain't going nowhere. This family is a rock. I mean, this is not some peripheral thing that we really need to have intact so that we can go out there and win the world. This might be the way that we're supposed to win the world. Bring people into our churches and because our families are so messed up, we make them two full sons of hell. And the church has taken over the responsibility. The church is a lot like social government. We've taken over a lot of the responsibilities that belong to the families and particularly belong to Dad. And so the church is so burdened down it can't do what it's supposed to do because it's doing what the fathers are supposed to do. You know, I have served the Lord in the middle of a war, stepped over dead people, had a gun to my head. You have no idea how easy that is. Loving a wife as Christ loves the church is beyond me. If anything requires prayer, it's that. Bring a thousand men possessed with devils. That won't bother me. Open up Ephesians 5 and tell me how I'm supposed to love my wife and you're going to scare me to death. Now let's just look at this. I want to look for a moment. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now, some of you might disagree with me on this, but I believe that's saying exactly what it's saying. But I also do not believe that that means that a woman whose life is in danger and all sorts of things is supposed to be doing this because if she's a Christian woman, the church ought to be involved. And if that husband's acting like an idiot, the church ought to step in and discipline the guy and do whatever is necessary, even take him to jail. Because if churches are going to require that women really submit to their husbands, then they're going to have to protect these women. But in the context where everything is pretty much just alright, a normal context, not that you're married to a serial killer or something like that, it's just like young people. I always tell young people, submit to their parents, and they always go, well, what if my dad asked me to blow up the White House? I always ask them, when was the last time your dad asked you to do that? I'm talking in the context of just the general family. No serial killer, no terrorist, just family. Although my little boy might qualify as a terrorist, I don't know. Wives, let me share with you something. It's something I learned in Europe a few years ago. It's really quite amazing. I like castles. I don't know why, I guess because maybe one day I'll live in one or something. But I just like castles. But there's something really strange about castles. No matter how many castles you see, even a type of castle that's in South America in a place called Quailup, it does the same thing. The front door of this thing is huge. It is gigantic. I mean, 30 people wide could walk through that thing. It's huge. But what's amazing is when you go into the castle and you go up to the second floor, the stairwell is about this wide. And there's only one door at the top and it's about this wide. And you sit there and go, well, why? You've got this big door where all kinds of people can come in and then all of a sudden to go up to the second floor you've got this little stairwell where only one person can go up at a time and it's just one tiny door. Why is that? I'll tell you why it is. When that castle is under siege and that front door breaks in, the people in that castle, they run to the second floor. Now, there can be 300,000 men down there on that first floor, but only one of them at a time can go up that stairwell. And one man standing there with a lance can guard that entire castle. That's why they do that. Pretty smart, aren't they? Alright. Now, I want you to listen to something. Like I said, I apologize. I'm just glad my preaching professor isn't here because I'm just jumping all over. I could blame it on the Lord, but I'm afraid to do that. Now, women, listen to me. Just listen. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. Literally, give place to the wrath of God. For it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. You say, well, what does that have to do with submitting to your husbands? Absolutely everything. He says, don't avenge yourself. Give place to God. Now, give room to God. Okay? What does that mean? You've tore down the front door of your husband's castle. Okay? And he's run upstairs. Like a wise man, he's run up to the second floor. And you're wanting to show him everywhere he's wrong, all the things he lacks, all the ways he needs to be straightened out, and you're up there, boy, you went up that little narrow stairwell, and you're just doing all kinds of battling with him and fighting with him. And you know what? When a man gets into a battle with a woman, and it's a battle, a verbal battle, usually the woman's going to win every time. And the husband's going to withdraw more and more and more, or he's going to become more and more violent and aggressive. But you're praying, oh God, fix my husband, fix my husband while you're doing battle. Let me win this battle with him and change him. God, help me. Why aren't you helping me? And God's standing back there, give me room. Get out of the way. Give place to my work. Give place to my wrath. Now, dear, I want you to know something. That God can stretch out His arm, knock you totally off that stairwell if He wants, and go ahead and take your husband on. But He's not because of judgment. Not upon your husband, upon you. You're sitting there fighting with your husband, bickering with your husband, not respecting your husband, all sorts of things, and all the while you're praying, oh God, make this man spiritual. And God's saying, get out of the way. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. You see, what God is basically saying is a terrifying thing for husbands once wives learn this. I have a sermon on different ways in which you can get God to kill your husband. One of them is just get out of the way. And husband, if your wife ever begins to submit to you and be respectable to you, even though you're not really deserving of it, be careful. You're probably about to die. What I'm saying is this. Sister, do you believe God? Now again, I'm not talking about being in some abusive relationship. I'm just talking about normal marriage. All the things that are wrong with your husband that you try to, like him, you try to manipulate him, you try to say things, you drop little one-liners, little innuendos, all sorts of things. You bulk up against his leadership, everything. You fight him tooth and nail. Okay. Maybe the problems you see in him are real problems. You're never going to fix them. And God is going to do just the opposite. In judgment, He's not going to allow them to be fixed. But if you will do what God said to do, submit and honor Him, then what happens is a terrifying thing. God says, okay, thank you. Now, sir, you have to deal with Me. You will not battle with Me. You see, if a man worked in my corporation, let's say, if I had a corporation and a man worked there, and he was the greatest salesman, I mean, 75% of all our revenue came from him and everything else. But if he was married to my daughter and was being hurtful to her, I wouldn't care if 99% of the revenue came from him. I mean, that's my daughter. Do you fear God, sir? This is God's daughter. And maybe the only reason God hasn't come after you is because she's not acting right either. But if she ever starts doing that, you're going to be in a whole lot of trouble. You see, sister, do you really believe God? Do you believe Him? Because it's not going to be on Day of Judgment, look, He didn't do what He was supposed to do. And God's going to say that's His story. That's something I'll deal with Him on. The problem here is you didn't do what I told you to do. Same way with the man. You'll not be able to use a rebellious wife as an excuse for not leading your home, not unconditionally loving her. You will not. You will stand and fall on your own response to God's commands, not your response to someone else's disobedience. Our homes are so concealed. You would never act in public the way you do in your home. You know how I know that? Not because I'm a prophet, but because I can say the same thing about myself at times and it disgusts me. It honestly disgusts me. You see, sometimes we're like a guy who literally walks around with this big bloody mass on his forehead and you say, man, what's going on? What's that from? I don't know. So you follow him around one day and you see that every time he has a watch that goes off every hour and every time the watch goes off every hour he walks over to a brick wall and bangs his head the number of the hour it is of the day. Ten o'clock ten times. You walk over to him and say, sir, look, your head's bleeding because you're doing this. No. We walk around with our marriages and our Christian life and everything. Our heads are bleeding. There's not one wholesome whole part on our entire body. And God comes up and goes, look, this. And we can't believe it. No, it's got to be some big mystery. God's got to move. Got to bring revival. Got to do all this stuff. No, maybe he just really ought to take seriously what he's saying here. You know, there are some things I suppose, my dear brother and sister, that we can look over. Maybe they're not that big a deal. This is like the big deal. It's bigger than you being a deacon in this church. I can tell you that. It's bigger than you being a pastor of this church. It's bigger than me traveling and preaching. I can tell you that. Now, here's something that's very, very important. He says, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. But does the husband look like the Lord? Now, woman, I'm not giving you an excuse. I'm talking to the husband now. We ask them to do something and they should do it. But we ought to be striving and working to be worthy of that. Now, she ought to do it whether we're worthy or not. But the thing is, we ought to be striving consciously. Are you striving to be a Christ-like head of your wife and your family? Are you striving to do that? Is that an issue with you or something you hardly ever think about? You've got bigger fish to fry. No, you don't. This is the big fish. And if you don't have it, you can't do anything else. You see, that's what's so frightening about it. You disqualify yourself in every other thing in Christianity. It goes on, as the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now, I said that there's a sense in which we ought to be the Savior of the wife. First of all, in talking about this, it's very dangerous, husband, because you may want things from your wife that God does not want from your wife. Okay? So when we talk about your wife being transformed, it's transformed into what Christ has declared to be His plan. It's hell to be a woman. I am so glad I am not a woman. It is terrifying. Do you realize a woman today, in order to really just be sought after, she has to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner. She has to be able to cook really well. She has to be 5'10 and weigh 6 pounds. And that's a whole other issue. Your wife... I'm going to sound like a psychologist, but this is not psychology. This is truth. Your wife is so insecure about what she really is, because when she looks at all the people that are supposed to be the beautiful people, and she's not that. And then, sir, if you're sitting there, which you should not be, watching television and watching people that are the beautiful people, you're not making your house any better. You're not making your wife feel any more secure or any more loved. Just compared to unrealistic expectations, it just goes farther down in the slough. You see, there's so much... I mean, you could teach for three weeks on all this stuff. We're to be her Savior. She's to know that there is one place on this earth she can go, and she's okay. She's okay. She's just loved, period. Just loved. That's it. We're to provide a haven not only for our children. I'm always hearing men, homeschooling men, family-oriented men, talk about preparing a haven for their children. I almost never hear them talk about preparing a haven for their wife. And then men will say, well, what about us? You're a man. Stop crying or I'm going to hit you. You get no haven except a home of peace. Are you consciously working to be the Savior of your wife? Are you? Now, just think about that. Now, I want to go on for a moment. It says, let's go on into 25. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. You know, I hear these guys will be telling their wives, you know, honey, for you, I'd fight an entire army. Honey, for you, I would cross the Andes Mountains in my underwear. Honey, for you, I'd backstroke through the Atlantic Ocean. And she's going, I just want you to do the dishes every once in a while. Let me tell you something, young men. Some of you young men probably shouldn't get married, at least not for a while. I'll tell you why. When you get married, all your good buddies and good friends and hunting pals and everything else, they're gone. Your best friend becomes your wife. You give yourself away. You see, when you come to Christ as a single man, there is a sense in which you die your first death. Okay? It is dying a first death. You give your life to Christ. You've died to self. You're to follow His rule, His regiment. Alright? You know what marriage is? A second death. A deeper death. In what way? When you're a single guy following Christ, you know, you can still run out to wherever you want to go, you know. You've got free time. It's your own money. It's your own apartment. You don't have to put up any paintings or flowers. Change the sheets once a year. It doesn't matter. Got all your friends. Do whatever you would like. The day you say, I do, you walk into a deeper death. Now it's not just giving my life away to the Lord, but I'm giving my life away to an imperfect person who's going to not only demand right things from me, but demand things that aren't even right from me. And I'm going to have to say goodbye to all my good old boys. Maybe get one... You know, like I tell guys, I go, look, I love to hunt. I love to fish. But in taking care of my wife and taking care of my children, if I work very, very hard, every once in a while I'll get to go out and put a stalk on a turkey or something. But it's not like before. And it shouldn't be. Men, this is the plight of a man to lay down your life. You say, well, that's sad. No, it's not because Jesus is not a liar. The one who lays down his life will find it. I have more joy serving my wife when I do do that and serving my children when I do do that than I could in any other thing I have ever done. It's dying to self. It's dying to self. Most men get married because they want a mother. Just someone else to take care of them. Because their mother's probably taken care of them in an unbiblical way, doing so many things for them she should have never done. He wants to get married because, man, mom's not here anymore. I need somebody to do this stuff, take care of me, because the world revolves around me. I'm the breadwinner. I'm this. I'm that. Sir, that's what you're supposed to do. You don't get rewarded for it. It's to lay down your life. Here's your life, gentlemen. Let's say you have two boys at home. Okay, what does that mean? That means if you can, you get to work as early as possible. Not so that you can put in more hours and make more money so that you can get a new car. No, you get into work, you put in as many hours as possible, as early as possible, so you can get home. And I learned this rule from Michael Pearl. Up until the boys can walk, they belong to mom. After they can walk, they belong to dad. Why do I have to get home? I have to get home because it's my time with the boys. Yeah, you're tired. Yeah, you've had to put up with all kinds of stuff, but now it's your time to do what? To take over those children. To take them over. You say, but I got things I want to do. Like what? Watch football? No, you come home. Children. You play with them. You build a relationship with them. You teach them. You pour your life into your children. And it's not just all work and discipleship. As a matter of fact, it's very little structured discipleship and work. It is all about just being with them, doing things with them, and building a binding between you and them. And what is your wife supposed to do? Oh, she's still got work. Dinner's got to get ready. Maybe she needs to sew some things or maybe she just needs to go to Walmart and stand there for three hours thinking, I'm alone. Wow! Did you ever realize that, man? You know, three different missionary couples while I was in Peru for 11 years had to leave the missionary field. In all three cases, the women had emotional mental breakdowns. And you want to know why? Because the father went out every day and did the ministry for 12 and 16 hours out of the home. And mom was in the home, homeschooling, doing everything, and never left and never had any friends and never had anything and just totally went bonkers. And you fellas that want to be really, really biblical and have like 47 children, which is fine, you better get yourself home from work as quick as you can and help that woman or she's going to become a serial killer. You say, well, she's spiritual. No, if you were spiritual, you would get home. I know some of you are probably really disappointed in what's happening here tonight, but I want you to know, I believe God wanted me to share this. You get home, the children are yours. You get those children to bed and the wife is yours. Listen, sir, you are completely different than your wife, really. In this way, you can be like, okay, look, you're going to take this aspect. I'm going to do this. You know, we'll meet here in bed to go to bed, you know, 10 o'clock. She didn't marry you to do that. She married you to be with you. It's not just, oh, man, you've got yours done, I've got my list done, okay, then we can go to bed. No. You see this thing? Listen, I want to tell you something. When I was a pastor, I sent people home from church many times. I did. I'd have women come to our church, you know, through the week and want to do extra jobs and all kinds of stuff. And after really investigating with the other elders and stuff, we sent them home. I sent men home who just wanted to serve and do evangelism and all kinds of things. I said, no, sir, you do not belong here. Go home. Why? I want to tell you something. If you dedicate your life to raising a family, providing for them, and everything else, and doing what you're supposed to do in the context of your family, you have so very little time for hobbies and this and that and everything else. And you say, but boy, this is difficult. No, it's not. Because as you lay down your life, God begins to fill it in ways that all your hobbies and all your extracurricular activities cannot. I mean, between your family and carrying out the responsibilities you have to preach the Gospel through your local church, there isn't a whole lot of time left over. And if you've got a whole lot of time, I can tell you something, you're either dropping the ball with your family or you're dropping the ball with your local church. Because when it's all said and done, there's hardly anything left over. That's why you have Sabbaths. That's when you can rest. Now, I'm so sorry. I've just gone all over the place tonight. And I'd like to keep going for three more hours because literally I just felt tonight like I know that a lot of you work very hard to have good families and I applaud you for that. But men, our wives are not workhorses. We are. We are workhorses. They are a weaker vessel. When I used to travel up during the war and I knew I was going into a place that was really hot, a red zone that the Communists controlled or that the military was controlling, I knew something very important. My wife could never go with me. Why? Well, if I'm on a bus and a bunch of military guys pull that bus over and they yank me out of the bus and start throwing me around, throw me down on the ground, push me around, say a whole bunch of things about me, no problem. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. But if one of those guys laid a hand on my wife, I'd end up getting killed. What? She's... Go ahead, punch me, push me, work me to death, whatever you want to do. That's what I'm supposed to do. My wife is something different. She's the one thing in my life, in my life of bows and arrows and shotguns and old fences made out of locust posts, in my life of hardwood floors and beat up knuckles and building fences, in my life of wrangling cattle and wrestling with my boys, my wife is supposed to be that one thing of porcelain in the house that no one else goes near lest they feel my wrath. And I am to treat her that way. She's the one jewel that we have. The greatest gift I can give my boys is to say, alright, that's the jewel. You want to know what daddy's treasure is? It's right there. I had a friend of mine that when his sons got old enough, he sat them both down and he said, now listen to me. You boys know I love you. Yes, daddy, we know. I want you to know this. The closest I will ever come to murdering another human being will be the day you lay a hand adversely on your mother. I just want you to know that before we ever even get started. One day, the boy was playing with a toy and his mom says, give it. He goes, no mom. And he hit her wrist. When he did that, he said, mom, mom, call dad. And my friend Randy came home, went in the house and said, where is he? He's in there. And he walked in and the boy was sitting there on the bed with their paddle like this. And he said, dad, crying, you know what you have to do. And you can't teach a boy that if you do not treat mom that way. If you do not treat her as a weaker vessel. You know, when we used to feed our quarter horses, I was raised on a Charlotte cattle and quarter horse ranch. In the winter, it doesn't matter, you fill those buckets up with water in each stall, but I mean, they'll be this thick with ice. You use these big rubber black buckets and you take them, you got handles on them, they're really heavy and you don't sit there just, you know, warming them up with a blow dryer to get the ice out. You take them like this and you just get them going really hard and bash them against a tree or against the stall side or throw them up in the air and let them bust. It's rubber. Big ugly rubber bucket. It's thick. It's ugly. Nothing fine about it. Beat it around and kick it. But then in your house, maybe you have one piece of fine porcelain. Is it weaker than that black bucket? Yep. So what do you do? Do you keep it in a special place? And here's something very important, Dad. You keep it in a special place even away from the children. What do I mean by that? Those children ought to know that the highly prized and honored one in that home is Mom. Now there is a patriarchal reverence for Dad. If we had time, we'd teach on that, but I'm talking about Mom tonight. And they even need to know. You watch, you know how kids will watch their P's and Q's when Dad gets home? It should be just almost reversed. They should know that the closest they're ever going to come to tasting the wrath of Dad is doing anything against Mom. It will not be tolerated. Why? Because she is your treasure. You don't pick her up with old work gloves. She's breakable. Pick her up easy. Clean around there. Dust it off. Put it back. Very careful. Now some of you probably think that a lot of things I've said tonight are rather soupy. They're not. They're real. And it's an admonition I feel like that I know that visitors have come and everything like that, but I just feel like God wanted this spoken to at least some of the men or one of the men here tonight. Maybe me. This is what it's about. Your Christianity has no value really or no authority if these things are not at least in part evident in your life. Very important. Let's pray. Father, I come before You in the name of Your Son. Lord, what a standard You've given us. And Lord, I tremble at it. My failures, my weaknesses, my sin, my rebellion, my selfishness, everything that just seems to come out. Oh God, I pray for myself and the men in this church that we would truly, truly, truly strive to fear You in our families. In Jesus' name, Amen.