04.07. The Generation Gap
The Generation Gap
One of the most difficult areas in which to exercise brokenness appears to be in the child-parent relationship. By some queer quirk of fallen human nature, we seem to be most unloving to those who are closest to us. Many Christian girls wage a constant battle within themselves because of the hostility they feel toward their mothers. And just as many Christian fellows are scarcely civil to their fathers most of the time. No one denies the existence of a generation gap; actually it is an enormous gulf. The younger people complain that their parents don’t understand them, that they are repressive, that they are out of touch with the times, that they belong to the establishment. But in spite of it all, many youth feel guilt and shame that they cannot seem to rise above these attitudes and act like Christians for a change toward their folks. They realize it is colossal defeat that they can be so kind and personable to their peers and even to other adults and yet so cold and cutting at home. They hate themselves for often wishing their parents were dead, but to break and confess is a hard pill to swallow.
It was no accident that when God gave ten basic laws to the nation of Israel, one of them should deal with this difficult and delicate area of human relations:
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12).
Paul repeats the command in the New Testament:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3). To honor and obey one’s parents means not only to do what they say, but to respect them, to be kind to them, and to care for them whenever necessary. Paul gives four reasons:
1. It is right 2. It is for the young people’s own good 3. It is Scriptural 4. It promotes a full life. But many fellows and girls have almost convinced themselves that while it may be possible in other cases, it simply isn’t possible in theirs. THEIR parents are too overbearing, too square.
All that is needed, of course, is brokenness. What this will mean will be to go to the father or mother or both and say, “Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been such a heel in my relationships with you. I’ve never thanked you for all you have done for me, but I want to do it now. I want you to forgive me for the way I’ve built up walls of resistance between us. By God’s help, I want things to be different in the future.” The timeless illustration of bridging the generation gap is the story of the prodigal son. At first the ingrate couldn’t wait for his father to die; he wanted the inheritance right now. Well, he got it and went off to live it up. Then followed the late-night parties, the drinks, the carousing, the sex orgies and all the rest. But finally the money was gone and so were the friends. The wastrel was reduced to bare subsistence. He began to think of the servants at home who were living better than he. What a fool he had been! He had left home full but now he goes back empty. He had left demanding justice but he returns pleading for mercy. He had left with head high but he crawls home broken.
“Dad,” he says, “I have sinned. Sinned against God and sinned against you. I don’t deserve to be your son…” He had planned to say more, to plead for a job as a servant. But by this time the father was issuing orders to the household. And then before long, the son was dressed in a new suit, had a handsome ring on one finger, had a new pair of shoes on, and was sitting down to a sumptuous dinner of roast veal and all the trimmings. The gap had been bridged by brokenness. But the son would never have known the father’s kiss if he had not first broken in repentance and confession.
Nothing will help to straighten out a person’s attitude of hostility like the humiliation of having to make such an apology. The next time he is tempted to show any act of unlove toward a parent, he will quickly remember the scalding shame of having to break, and this will act as a powerful deterrent.