Confessions - Book V - Chapter IX
St. Augustine reflects on his near-death experience and spiritual blindness, emphasizing the necessity of true faith in Christ's real sacrifice for forgiveness and salvation.
In this biographical sermon from his Confessions, St. Augustine recounts his physical and spiritual struggles upon arriving in Rome. He reveals his deep awareness of sin, his skepticism about Christ's crucifixion, and the mercy of God manifested through his mother's prayers. Augustine's honest reflection invites listeners to confront their own doubts and recognize the power of faith and divine grace.
Text
16. And lo, I was received in Rome by the scourge of bodily sickness; and I was very near to falling into hell, burdened with all the many and grievous sins I had committed against thee, myself, and others--all over and above that fetter of original sin whereby we all die in Adam. For thou hadst forgiven me none of these things in Christ, neither had he abolished by his cross the enmity[137] that I had incurred from thee through my sins. For how could he do so by the crucifixion of a phantom, which was all I supposed him to be? The death of my soul was as real then as the death of his flesh appeared to me unreal. And the life of my soul was as false, because it was as unreal as the death of his flesh was real, though I believed it not.
My fever increased, and I was on the verge of passing away and perishing; for, if I had passed away then, where should I have gone but into the fiery torment which my misdeeds deserved, measured by the truth of thy rule? My mother knew nothing of this; yet, far away, she went on praying for me. And thou, present everywhere, didst hear her where she was and had pity on me where I was, so that I regained my bodily health, although I was still disordered in my sacrilegious heart. For that peril of death did not make me wish to be baptized. I was even better when, as a lad, I entreated baptism of my mother\\
Sermon Outline
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I
- Augustine's arrival in Rome and physical illness
- Recognition of grievous sins and original sin
- Spiritual blindness to Christ's true sacrifice
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II
- Near-death experience and fear of hell
- The role of his mother's prayers
- God's omnipresence and mercy
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III
- Recovery of bodily health but spiritual disorder remains
- Resistance to baptism despite peril
- Reflection on the reality of soul and flesh death
Key Quotes
“I was very near to falling into hell, burdened with all the many and grievous sins I had committed against thee, myself, and others.” — St. Augustine
“For how could he do so by the crucifixion of a phantom, which was all I supposed him to be?” — St. Augustine
“Thou, present everywhere, didst hear her where she was and had pity on me where I was.” — St. Augustine
Application Points
- Recognize the seriousness of sin and the need for genuine repentance.
- Trust in God's mercy even when personal faith feels weak or uncertain.
- Value the power of intercessory prayer for spiritual healing and growth.
Frequently Asked Questions
What was Augustine's spiritual state upon arriving in Rome?
He was burdened with many grievous sins and spiritually blind to the reality of Christ's sacrifice.
How did Augustine describe his near-death experience?
He felt he was on the verge of perishing and feared eternal torment due to his sins.
What role did Augustine's mother play during his illness?
She prayed fervently for him from afar, and God heard her prayers and showed mercy.
Why did Augustine resist baptism despite his condition?
He did not yet desire baptism because he doubted the reality of Christ's crucifixion and its power.