I Was Wrong!

A Message of Healing and Hope for the Family and

the Church

NOW THE serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the

Lord God had made. And he [Satan] said to the woman, Can it really be that God has said, You

shall not eat from every tree of the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, we may eat the

fruit from the trees of the garden, Except the fruit from the tree which is in the middle of the

garden. God has said, You shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die. But the

serpent said to the woman, you shall not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it

your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing the difference between good and

evil and blessing and calamity. And when the woman saw that the tree was good (suitable,

pleasant) for food and that it was delightful to look at, and a tree to be desired in order to make

one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she gave some also to her husband, and he ate.

Then the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed

fig leaves together and made themselves apron like girdles. And they heard the sound of the

Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves

from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to

Adam and said to him, where are you? (Genesis 3:1-9, Amplified).)

Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your

sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of

mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes

tremendous power available [dynamic in its working] (James 5: 16, Amplified).

Confess therefore your offenses to one another, and pray for one another, that ye may be

healed. [The] fervent supplication of the righteous [man] has much power

(James 5: 16, Darby Translation).

Be confessing to one another the trespasses, and be praying for one another, that ye may be

healed; very strong is a working supplication of a righteous man

(James 5: 16, Young's Literal Translation).

THE PATH TO HEALING

For many years the advice I have given to young couples that were preparing to marry is their

need to readily admit to one another when they are wrong! Simply confessing three words, "I

was wrong" can prevent untold emotional, mental, spiritual and eventual physical damage in a

relationship, whether in a marriage between husband and wife, or between children and

parents or among friends. Looking carefully at the above scripture it is evident that no matter

what translation one chooses to read, the message is clear. Every believer must accept

responsibility for his own faults, slips, wrong steps, words, offences and the sins that he or she

has committed against others. Whenever we fail to accept full responsibility for our actions

and deceive ourselves into believing that we are not responsible for our actions or words, we

set ourselves up for inward spiritual decay as well as prey for the devil to devour us alive! Such

is the case in the story of Adam and Eve. Eve was deceived by the serpent and partook of the

forbidden fruit. Then she passed the fruit along to Adam and he willingly sinned against God

and his wife by eating the forbidden fruit. After Adam and Eve sinned against God and one

another, they became ashamed of their nakedness as well as afraid of the presence and voice

of God. Then, they sewed fig leaves together as a human attempt to hide the shame of their

sin as if to hide it from one another and from the eyes of God. As God walked in the garden in

the cool of the evening and they heard His sound, they hid themselves from the Lord among

the trees of the garden. As we can see, failure to confess their sins to God and one another led

to horrible shame, fear, human attempts to cover their sins and ultimately loss of fellowship

with God and one another! This is the undeniable result of failing to confess our sins and

failures to God and one another and can be seen throughout world history.

All too often a simple admission of fault, a genuine confession of one's sin against another is

ignored resulting in a breakdown of communion with God and one another. Eventually this

becomes the ground into which Satan sows his seeds of smoldering bitterness and

resentment, and ill feelings begin to rule. A separation of emotional care and concern develops

between the persons involved as well as with their relationship with God. Insensitive, hard, and

calloused heart attitudes begin to develop and over a period of time there is a total breakdown

of genuine and normal interrelatedness between the offended parties. Sure it is possible to coexist in such a condition, in a marriage, family or church setting, but the life, love and emotional

connectedness dries up! In this state there exists severe vulnerability to embrace the lies of

Satan and be tempted to seek a complete separation from those you have grown distant to.

This is why so many marriages end up in divorce, why so many families end up being divided

one from another, not speaking for long periods of time and why many church families become

dysfunctional and eventually split with some leaving having ill feelings towards others.

ADAM FAILED TO ACCEPT HIS ROLE AS LEADER OF

HIS FAMILY

As we examine the story in Genesis we can gain some helpful insight into the manner that God acted in His attempt to bring healing to Adam and Eve in their fallen state. The divine wisdom we see in God's dealings with Adam and Eve can help us in our struggles, increasing our chances of being healed from our own faltering and sins, and reducing the likelihood of lasting damage. First we note that God gave commandments to Adam (Gen. 2: 15). He was the head of his wife, Eve, and it was his responsibility to guard and protect her and to inform her of God's rules and commandments.

This would protect her from outside influences that could seduce her, which is precisely what Satan was able to do. Every husband will be held responsible to God and be judged on whether he assumed his responsibility of spiritual leadership toward his wife and family. Over the years I have seen countless men fail to take the spiritual lead in their homes resulting in eternal damage and loss. Many wives suffer because they long to serve God with passion but are hindered by a husband that is too worldly to take the spiritual oversight towards her and the children.

Many men need a stern wake up call to put away their childish ways and assume the responsibility to take the lead in their families. Husbands need to set the pace in the home that is conducive toward spiritual maturity. This means setting limits on activities, preventing distractions from coming in that lead the family away from the interests of Christ and, most importantly, leading by example in prayers, Bible study and interactive communications with all the family. When a husband fails to do this, he is sinning against God, his wife, his children and the body of Christ and will be held accountable by God.

Paul clearly states that Eve was deceived by Satan, not Adam. This implies that Adam was fully aware of what was happening but failed to intervene! Adam should have risen up, demanded that Eve step behind him and, as the head of His wife, commanded the devil to stop talking to her! He should have strongly rebuked the serpent the moment he perceived his lies and warned his wife never to speak to him again! It is in this context that Paul does not permit a wife to usurp authority over her husband but to be in quietness and submission (1 Tim. 2:11-14).

When a wife does not submit to her husband she becomes vulnerable to the same kind of deception that Eve had fallen prey to. However, as we have seen, when a husband does not take the lead and make himself available to God and his wife as the spiritual leader of the wife, he forces his wife to act without a spiritual covering which is against God's Word. Adam failed horribly as a husband and because of his failure; Eve was deceived and embraced that which was forbidden by God.

Then, to make matters worse, when she offered Adam to partake of the forbidden fruit, he just passively went along with her and willingly rebelled against God by caving into his wife's sinful behavior.

If a woman lives with a man who refuses to take the lead, what can she do? She must not

allow resentment or bitterness into her heart. She is called to love and honor her husband

even if he is failing in spiritual leadership in the home. She must seek to serve him in spite of

his failures and display in her behavior the character qualities of the Lord Jesus (1 Peter 3:

1-6). However, she is never required to follow him in any action that is morally wrong or would

lead her to spiritual laziness. She must remain free from and guard against falling into the sins

he refuses to deal with. A wife must develop her own prayer life and time in God's Word even if

her husband terribly neglects these disciplines, and she must lead the children in this area as

well. God does not expect a wife to submit to her husband if he is compelling her to sin. If he

wishes to lead her away from home and into places of ill repute, causing her to neglect the

children, she must say "No. I love you but cannot do these things." She must not be led

astray to watch anything that is morally corrupt or engage in any kind of behavior that is

forbidden in God's Word. Neither should she submit to any actions by her husband that are

unlawful, such as physical beating, sexual abuse or mental torture. While wives are called to

submit to their husbands, this only applies to issues that do not require moral compromise. In

submitting in this manner a women will be required to embrace a deep death to her self

interests as well as doing things she may not want to do, as long as they are not placing her in

a position that would cause sin against God or another person. With such suffering and

submission God is well pleased. We are all called to endure such suffering when necessary. (1

Peter 2: 18-25). If a wife is married to a man that claims Christ as Lord and he is living in

disobedience, she should by all means, in love, rebuke him. As the Word says, "Open rebuke is

better than secret love". Other brothers should also bring him to account for his immature and

ungodly actions. It is impossible to really love a person if one can watch them destroy their

lives by ungodly habits and harmful choices and never confront them. We must not think for a

moment that we are helping anyone if we ignore the duty we have to lovingly correct and

rebuke husband, wife or children when there is justifiable reason. It may save their life! Do not

despair if they become angry.

ACT LIKE A MAN AND TAKE THE LEAD

Sometimes a husband will consent to the actions of his wife, even when he knows they are wrong because he may not want to make her sad by rebuking her. We do not know why Adam consented to his wife's sin but whatever the reason, it was wrong! Do you permit your wife to engage in certain things that are clearly forbidden in the Word of God? Your reasons for doing so are not valid! God will never excuse you from failing to correct, instruct and when necessary rebuke your wife when she is partaking in what is forbidden by God.

Maybe Adam had a secret desire to taste the fruit also and because of this he failed to intervene in Eve's sin, hoping that he too would be able to eat of it. This may be the reason why you are taking a passive approach toward the spiritual oversight of your wife. You may enjoy the very thing you are permitting your wife to engage in and because of this you do not intervene. In some instances, many sins that a wife may engage in are secretly being enjoyed by her husband and therefore he does not act in oversight as he should.

A few of these sins could be gluttony, excessive concern for clothing and physical appearance together with too much liberty in spending money for such things, unreasonable demands for personal freedom that result in neglecting home duties and child care, etc. Husbands often enjoy gluttony too so do not lovingly rebuke their wives for this sin. They like when their wives place elaborate value on their outward appearance because this caters to their own tastes for excess. Also, some men are afraid of their wives, allowing them to control them, a fault that started at the beginning of the marriage and was never corrected, and hence, if they forbid them to engage in unreasonable personal freedoms that cause neglect in the home and child care, then their wives may punish them by withholding their emotional or physical affection.

It may be too that men do not place limits on their wives' desire for personal freedom because they also want this freedom. Because of this an "I give you want you want and you give me what I want" attitude governs the marriage! All men need to heed God's Word, "Be alert and on your guard; stand firm in your faith (your conviction respecting man's relationship to God and divine things, keeping the trust and holy fervor born of faith and a part of it). Act like men and be courageous; grow in strength!" (1 Cor. 16:13).

Men must act like men and stop acting like babies! Men must stand up to the challenges set before them, trusting not in themselves but in God who gives strength to those who wait on Him and gives might to those who admit to weakness. Today there are multitudes of men who are not acting like men. Husbands need to stop acting like little children that need their mommy to take them by the hand and as a man of God, step up and lead the family to God, His Word and set the example of godliness and diligence in spiritual things.

Men need to stop being afraid of making decisions that may be unpopular and that upset the wife or children. We husbands and fathers are not running for public office or competing in a popularity contest! I often tell my family that I am not called to be popular with them but to lead them to godliness and the ways of God's Word.

WHERE ARE YOU?

This leads us up to the time in our story when Adam and Eve were covered in aprons and hiding behind trees from the presence of God. What does God do? First of all we have to note that God is God and in being God He is fully aware of all things. God never needs to seek out information about anyone nor does he need to look for someone so that he can find them. Having said this, let's see what God did and why he did it when approaching Adam and Eve in their shameful, fearful and fallen state.

"Adam, where are you?" God asks Adam a question. God is not seeking an answer for his own benefit, but desires to produce in Adam an awakening of his need to make a confession of his true inner state! God was not asking Adam about his physical location but rather the state of his spiritual life and where he was in relation to his obedience to God and his responsibility to his wife. Here, at the very beginning of human history, God is teaching us the vital lesson of staying aware of our spiritual state instead of running from Him in fear and shame.

God was saying to Adam, "Adam, where are you on the inside? What did you do? Why are you hiding from me? What happened? Adam, you must confess your spiritual condition to me, admit to what you did, come to me and talk with me and tell me exactly where you are inside of your heart and conscience. Don't run and hide your true state from me!" God wanted Adam to take responsibility for his actions. Taking responsibility for our actions is the primary quality needed to build character and true integrity.

But Adam failed to do this. Instead, he blamed Eve for his actions and thus failed to demonstrate a true heart of contrition toward God for his sin. He also did not confess to his wife that he had failed her. Adam should have answered the Lord in this manner: "Oh, God, help me. I am in darkness, fear and shame. I foolishly allowed Eve to be deceived by the serpent by eating the forbidden fruit and then willingly ate the fruit when she offered it to me. I have sinned against you, dear God, have mercy on me."

Then Adam should have turned to his wife and said, "Oh Eve, please forgive me for failing to protect you from the beguiling words of the serpent. I failed to take the lead as spiritual head and pastor and by neglecting my God- given responsibility have brought shame to myself, to you and to our God. I have sinned against you, Eve, please forgive me." How wonderful to the ears of God such a confession would have been. How merciful God would have been and who knows how differently things would have turned out with the human race!

But instead of hearing this kind of confession from Adam, he heard the confession of a failing man that became a wimp and failed to act like a man! Not only did Adam fail to take the lead as commanded by God, but he had the audacity to blame his sin on his wife. How sad and pathetic. How low could a man fall to blame his own, calculated actions on the weaker vessel, his wife! Today this sin is prevailing in so many marriages. Husbands do not face up to the horrible spiritual failures they perpetuate in their homes and often blame their own failures on someone else, such as their wife, circumstances, the preacher or church.

If Adam had stepped up to the plate and had done the right thing by swallowing his pride and acknowledging his sin to God and Eve, no doubt Eve would have followed his example. Consequently, when God questioned Eve, she did the exact same thing as her husband did, and failed to acknowledge her sin and blamed her actions on the serpent that deceived her. Every husband needs to fear and tremble and take very seriously his role as spiritual guide and leader in his home. Because Adam set a wrong example and failed to confess his sin, Eve followed his wrong example and failed to confess her sin as well.

So, we see that because of one man's pride and failure to take the lead and protect his wife, sin entered the human race. And because of one man's failure to deal properly with his sin by confessing it to God and his family, he set the wrong example that his family eventually followed and thereby his sin destroyed them in the same way it destroyed him.

Over the years I have seen countless families destroyed because of the failure of the husband/

father to take the spiritual lead with his wife and children. One small acorn will eventually

produce a very large oak tree and that one oak tree will eventually produce a forest of oaks!

Likewise, the failure of a husband to take the lead in small things in the home will eventually

produce a complicated web of ruinous, evil and hurtful conditions that often cannot be cured

or reversed in a lifetime! I have seen this principle destroy families and bring devastating

destruction to husbands, wives and their children. Then the same sinful practices passed on by

example to the children are passed on to their children, and the destructive consequences

result in a hellish cycle that is hard to break. In many instances the husband/father was too

much in love with his own interests and valued them above the concerns of Christ. Now, most

of these families are either broken up by divorce or living in turmoil and endless conflict.

YOU CANNOT LEAD IN CHURCH IF YOU DO NOT

LEAD IN YOUR HOME

God's church locally and universally is no stronger than the families that make it up. When the

families break down because husbands fail to take the lead in the home, then the church

breaks down because the man who cannot lead in the home cannot lead in the church either!

How can a man take the lead as an elder among the church, offering spiritual guidance and

covering for his brothers and sisters in Christ when at home he is miserably failing to lead by

example, by prayer, by study of the Word and by dealing with issues on a daily basis--giving

guidance, correction and loving counsel? When men try to lead in the church when at home

they are wimps and unwilling to act like men they practice hypocrisy and are in need of a stern

rebuke! (1 Timothy 3: 4, 5). It is high time for men to wake up out of spiritual sleep and rise to

the occasion before them! Homes must be set in order if the church is to be set in order.

Pastors and elders cannot lead the church if they are allowing their individual families to sin in

the way that Adam sinned and are unwilling to put their families in spiritual order! A church's

ability to function together as a living body is only to the measure that the families that make up

the church are properly functioning in divine order. If men are weak wimps, failing to take the

lead among their own families, then when they gather with the church, they are sinning against

not only their families but the whole church as well. How can the church be led by Christ and

submit to and obey its God-given leaders, as the Word says, together with being in submission

to one another, when the husbands and men in the individual families that make up the church

are failing to walk in obedience to their calling as spiritual guides in their own homes?

Remember Gideon began his spiritual renewal by setting his family in order first before he

turned to the problems of his church family! (Judges 6: 25-32).

As we read through the story of Adam and Eve and their failure, we see God Himself takes the

measures to heal and set in order that which Adam destroyed. God introduced to Adam and

Eve His provision for their sin and covered them. God's answer to our failures is always the

provision He has made by His Son. He is God's atoning sacrifice for our sins and by His blood

has removed our sins from us and has made us just in His eyes. This is God's provision for all

who will acknowledge their sins and come to Christ in repentance and faith! God can heal any

situation over time but the consequences of our sinful behavior may be with us for a lifetime, as

they were with Adam and Eve. We must be willing to admit that most of us have miserably

failed in the same manner as Adam did. We have failed to take the lead in our homes and

because of this the enemy has entered them and has brought destruction and damage to our

lives because of wrong choices, some of which we will reap the rest of our lives. But in

addition to this, we have to accept that many times when God came to us attempting to draw

out of us an honest confession of our sinful behavior, we, like Adam, failed to take

responsibility for our actions and in pride and self-pity, blamed our own actions on someone

else! Because of this we have passed on by example to our children and friends this sinful

practice and now they are following our deadly example and experiencing the consequences of

spiritual blindness and unrest.

HOPE FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES AND

CHURCHES

God's response to our present generation of severe dysfunctional living, both in the home and

in the church life is a renewed vision and apprehension of His beloved Son resulting in a living,

vibrant birthing within our hearts of the real meaning of church and church life, which is Christ

in all His love, moral purity and character--living and manifesting through His body. We need

families to be revived in spiritual sight to see the living Christ, in all His beauty and fullness,

and, beginning in the home, start to live on the basis of Christ's life and Word and forsake the

life after the flesh which is self-centered and against God's ways. Deep repentance needs to be

sought after and practiced before God and one another. As families experience this revival of

seeing Christ, the results will carry over into the church life. This takes time, prayer and much

patience. In addition it takes honesty of heart and humility of spirit that must be nurtured in the

home as well as in the church setting. We need strong leaders among us in the church that will

be faithful to declare to us God's Word with fearless boldness. Families that are strong in

practicing honesty and humility, where submission to God-ordained authority is readily

embraced, can be sources of help and example for other families that are struggling in these

areas! Paul said the strong ought to bear the weak! A living, vibrant church is not made up of

perfect families. On the contrary, many of us have made many mistakes and feel the pain,

shame and sorrow that follow. But we serve a God who offers hope and complete forgiveness

to failures like ourselves, and rest for the weary if they will admit their failures and come in their

weariness to the Lord Jesus. A functional family is not a perfect family, without fault or

struggle. God's Word says that a functional family is simply a family that acknowledges the

Lord Jesus Christ and through a living faith is living in obedience to His Word, by the power of

Christ's life and in the strength of the Spirit of God. Problems come daily to such families, but

together, on their knees and in God's Word, they are able to align themselves to obedience to

God's Word and overthrow the evil that seeks to seduce them.

Adam and Eve exemplify a dysfunctional family. When faced with temptation Adam failed to

function in his God-given leadership capacity and because of this, his family failed. God

commands us to walk in obedience to His Word through the power of the Spirit of Christ and

we have no excuse not to! When we fail to fulfill our God-ordained roles this is a sign of a

dysfunctional home; we sin against God by not fulfilling His purpose for our lives, as individual

people, as families and as the church of the living God! The church in Corinth demonstrates to

us what a dysfunctional church is like. They failed to see the purpose of their existence was to

be the temple of God, indwelt by the Spirit of God, through whom Christ, in all His moral

perfections should be daily seen, and instead, served their own interests. Their self-absorption

opened the door to Satan and become the ground for him to sow his seeds of moral failure and

human idolatry. The Corinthians, as a church family, and in particular the leading men, failed to

take the lead and cast out of their midst those practices that were seducing them and leading

them away from obedience to Christ. When confronted by Paul, they resented him for it and

eventually rejected him and his counsel and in his place accepted leaders who told them what

they wanted to hear and took advantage of them. Because of their failure to humble

themselves under Paul's correction, and admit that they were wrong they continued to be led

astray by false teachers. Our churches and families will also suffer much spiritual loss and

decay if we persist in our failure to admit that we are wrong in so many areas of our lives, when

measured by God's Word! Healing can only begin when there is honest confession, starting in

the home and then carrying over into the church family. God's Word and His Son must be our

standard and spiritual plum line. As we embrace God's transforming grace we will be changed

into the moral likeness of His Son and our lives will reflect obedience to His Word through the

power of Christ's life living in and through us! Such grace working abundantly in our homes

and churches will deliver us from dysfunctional spiritual babyhood to functional men and

women pursuing spiritual adulthood with a diligence that God promises to abundantly reward.

(Heb. 11: 6).

DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE!

God's law of love should motivate families to bear other families burden's and struggles. We

cannot do it alone, hiding our struggles, fearing we will be rejected by others if we admit to

failure. We must develop an atmosphere of godly love and acceptance in our homes and

church life that frees people from the fear of being rejected if they are honest about their

struggles. We must not reject anyone that God does not reject! God will never reject anyone

that comes to Him in honest humility confessing their struggles and sins and looking to Jesus

for grace to be changed. Pride must be removed from us so that we do not pretend to be what

we are not and are transparent with each other. We like to put on the happy face to others but

very seldom do we let others see the other faces we have to live with, such as the anger faces,

the depression faces, the crying faces, the confused faces, the despairing faces, the notknowing-what-to-do faces, the in-need-of-a-hug faces, the wanting-to-give-up faces, etc. But

in a real family we will not hide these but come to God and trusted friends with all our faces

and find help and healing from Him who knows our deepest struggle without fear of

rejection. Not only do we need honest confession but we also need clear guidance from God's

Word to enable us to know His will and how we ought to be living as families as well as the

family of God. Jesus clearly taught us that only the truth of His Word will set us free. We do not

need the vain philosophies of this age. Our deepest need is to be immersed into the truth of

God's Word, daily. As husbands/fathers rise up to the call and begin to teach their families

from God's Word this will happen. Additionally, guidance and understanding comes by the

teaching ministry of those called in the church to equip the saints. Both of these aspects of

learning God's Word must be operational to obtain the spiritual maturity that God is calling us

to in His Son. Christ builds His church, conforming her into His moral likeness through the

proclaiming of His inerrant Word alone, working together with His precious Spirit. However,

this cannot happen unless hearts become desperate for the Lord! May God give us all such

desperate hearts that are willing to admit our failings and confess them to one another, in the

home and in the church family and together see the Lord make good His Word, "I will build my

church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it!" God builds and beautifies what He

birthed and both the family and the church are God's thought and He is committed to make

them work! We must admit our need, learn to say, "I was wrong", turn to Him and in faith, obey

His every Word and He will empower us to please him in all things.

Have you ever said, "I was wrong, I'm sorry."? Perhaps years ago you led your children,

husband or wife astray by foolish actions or sinful behavior. Maybe you sinned against a friend

or brother or sister in Christ. Have you confessed your sin? Maybe this describes your life at

the present time. Often very high and thick walls develop between the one who offends

through actual sin and the one offended and this wall can stand for years and even for a

lifetime. Yet many times a simple apology and acknowledging of one's fault can bring this wall

crashing down, resulting in restoration and renewed fellowship. Try it today, friend, you may be

pleasantly surprised at what God will do! I know of a family funeral where the father of his

deceased son wept out loud at the side of his casket. He was crying saying, "Oh, son, I am

sorry. I really do love you. Forgive me for ignoring you and not spending time with you. I was

wrong. Oh, son, I really do love you. Believe me--I love you, and please forgive me." That was

nice but too late. Friend, don't let his happen to you!