This Heart Is Too Small - Part 3

And when applause or recognition begins to come in, what happens? We get showy, deceitful, shallow, and just begin to put on an appearance. But God will strip us of all our fig leaves. Here, the Lord was stripping all this vain show.

Of this church. He said, You are so disgusting, I would like to spew you out of my mouth. My dear friend, Can you imagine a blood-bought church coming to such a condition? You see, the fellowship in which I grew up, there, no sin could be hidden in it.

Even the helpers, or in those days, there were servants, in our house, no lie, no test, could be hidden. No sin could be hidden. If somebody was putting a false appearance, and was actually furtively having some smoke, some brother in prayer would get to know this.

And he would say, I saw you in prayer. You were smoking in that secret place. So, sin could not be hidden.

But, when I see a situation, where for even months, some people are managing to hide sin, I say, this is strange. Has the Holy Spirit left us? This is completely alien to me. All my youth, I have walked with fear and trembling.

I could not hide sin. My father would hit the nail on the head. But, what is this? Oh Lord, I do not want a big show.

I want You. You are the searcher of the heart. I am not beholden to anybody.

I do not ask anybody for money. I have no sponsors of any sort. I do not need to please anybody.

If I cannot please You, what am I fit for? I do not want all these fig leaves. I want truth. I desire truth in the inward part.

So, in a way, what does God say of this church? 17th verse, Because Thou sayest, I am rich and increased with goods and have need of nothing. And knowest not that Thou art wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. My, what is this state? Everybody who has a bank balance of minus or zero is conscious.

He says, I cannot write another cheque. It will not be honored. I have nothing in this bank.

You know that you have nothing there. But, but not to know your miserable or wretched state is a terrible thing. On one occasion, I was preaching in Manipur.

Manipur is not south of Madras, girls. You know that. It is next to Burma.

East of Burma. West of Burma. With a common border with Burma.

Nagaland and Manipur. And I was in a pretty bad state. I was just going to have a heart attack.

But, I was totally unaware of this. Of course, I never do work in a half-hearted way. But at least one or two of our brothers saw that I was just not what I should be.

But they could do nothing about it. So, I left and went and had my heart attack in the middle of the night. When my wife asked me, in the middle of the night,