26. Godly Men Have Radiant Wives

We're going to be speaking about marriage. Our marriages, fathers and mothers, in this session, and the marriages of our young people in the next session. I'd like us to open our Bibles to Ephesians again, Ephesians chapter 5, Godly men have radiant wives.

That's the title of this first session this morning, Godly men have radiant wives. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25 and following says these words to us men, and this message is addressed to us men this morning, husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with a washing of water by the word.

That he may present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies just like Christ loved his wife which is his body. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord nourisheth and cherisheth the church. I want to address the men this morning in relation to our responsibilities in marriage. We us men we were humbled yesterday I know that I was as we gazed upon the holy picture of all these women up here weeping and wailing at the altar over their part in marriage.

Now it's our turn. The Christian marriage relationship is by far the very deepest relationship that humans can have. The influence of this sanctified union on the next generation is beyond measure.

Dear brethren it is beyond measure. There are so many different ways that your marriage affects your children that we could not begin to mention them all here this morning. Yet God sums it up in one small phrase in Malachi when he said wherefore one question mark or why did he make them one that he might seek a godly seed.

That's why he made us one because he is brooding. He is longing. He is seeking.

He is jealously wanting a godly seed for himself. There are many deep reasons why God made man and wife one flesh but one of those reasons is because of the powerful influence that this union has on the children born to them. The greatest gift that you could give your children is a happy marriage.

The greatest gift that you could give your children is a happy marriage. The children should grow up in a secure atmosphere of parents who love each other deeply. That love should be so evident to those children that they can testify my father and mother love each other and I know it.

Hallelujah. Oh the devastation of living in a home where arguments break out regularly or the silent treatment permeates the home for hours or days. The children have a foreboding feeling lingering over them.

Even children in this room, in this place where we don't believe in divorce, the children have this foreboding feeling that lingers over them and it is this, will my parents stay together or will they get a divorce? This breeds insecurity in all levels of their development. The stress and strains of a divided home undermine so much of the good that you may be trying to do in other ways. Praise God for every right thing you're doing but if there is a divided home that is undermining most of what you are going after.

Many of us men are missing a wonderful crown upon our life because we neglect to give the proper care to our wives. As I understand the language of Proverbs, we are missing a beautifying ornament that draws attention to us as a man and a leader. Amen? A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.

That ornament that we are missing is a wife that is loved and cherished by her husband who walks in holiness serving her husband out of love. The picture that we have in our text is tremendous, it's tremendous as Paul seeks to illustrate the beauty of the new covenant marriage. He draws from the most profound example there is, Christ and His church and all the relationship that is involved in that.

We see the blessed result of all of Christ's care for the church. What is the result? It is a glorious, shining, spotless, blameless bride for Himself. He was no dummy.

He was no dummy. A glorious, spotless, radiant bride for Himself. Did you get it? In our text we see a bridegroom grooming his bride for a glorious wedding day and a union that will last for all of eternity.

Hallelujah! Bless God, someday there's going to be a wedding. His methods of grooming are worthy for us men to follow. And we will look at some of them a little later.

But first, let's look at the bride. Let's look at the bride, a radiant woman. There is much here that we can glean from for our own marriages.

Just as Christ's wife is to be radiant, that is glorious, our wives should be the same. A glorious church is also a crown to Jesus Christ. Consider, revival history verifies this repeatedly.

A shining, happy wife provides the same for us men. And we are the ones responsible for this glow. Our wives should have the glory shine on their faces.

It is a shine that comes up out of the heart and manifests on the face. In the Christian context, this shine is much more than happiness. Much, much more than happiness.

It is the manifestation of many beautiful things within the heart of our wives. Consider a few of the colors that make up this glow that should shine on our wives' face. It is a heart that is cleansed with the washing of water by the Word.

It is a heart that is showered with the love of a husband bursting forth with joy. It is a heart that is manifesting the godly character of Christ within. It is a heart that is filled with mature wisdom and judgment.

It is a heart with no major spiritual problems. It is a heart where the presence of God shines. Now that is the glory that needs to be shining out of our dear wives as we as husbands care for them.

That's quite a high standard and challenge to us, isn't it men? But remember, God is calling us to be spiritual. He is calling us to be spiritual. Oh, the New Testament, the glories of the New Testament.

God is calling us to be spiritual. We can't get away from it. We can run and hide from it, but we're going to answer for it either way.

God is calling us men to be spiritual. Praise God. Thank God for the challenge.

Brethren, this makes a wife radiant. And this kind of radiance is a crown on our head. The silent message screams at a world full of hurting marriages and it says, My husband loves me and cares for me.

That's the silent message that comes forth from a wife who's clear, who's glowing, who's enjoying the blessing of her husband's love. The glow that shines out says, My husband loves me and he cares for me continually. Oh, glory.

As we look over this rainbow of qualities, it is easy to see, we husbands have a lot to do with most of that list that I just gave there. Because you see, we are in the place of Christ. We are Christ to our wives in that sense, following the illustration here that is given in Ephesians chapter 5. We are the ones.

This woman is radiant because she is receiving ministry from her husband. Her life is happy, fulfilled, and charged with meaning because of the spiritual care and direction that her husband gives her. Ephesians clearly teaches us to conduct this ministry in the tenderness of our Savior's example.

Oh dear brethren, just remember, remember all these dear ladies on their faces up here weeping their hearts out yesterday morning. God is saying, here they are. Care for them, love them, nurture them, bless them, encourage them.

They want to go the right way. They are willing to be guided. All they are looking for is a tender-hearted man who will pour out His love upon them and His spiritual love upon them and nurture them in the things of God.

There may be one or two or three out of that bunch that was up here that is really just rebellious and don't want to do the right thing. But I guarantee you, most of our wives want to go the right way. Oh God, help us to rise up in the tenderness of Christ with the anointing of God upon our lives and guide these dear ladies the way that God wants them to go.

Lay down our lives. I am so glad we have a clear revelation of Christ's example to follow. Amen brethren? He laid down His life for the church and God tells us to love our wives in the way that Christ loves us.

We all know by personal experience how Christ loves us. Don't we? He tenderly guides us along the heavenly way, patiently giving us room to grow. He is long-suffering as He waits, sometimes years, for us to face something that He's trying to get our attention on, sometimes years before a change takes place.

This is how the Savior deals with us, dear brothers. It is amazing how He continues to love and bless us while He waits. Oh, how impatient we can get when our wives don't straighten up when we want them to.

Lord, make us like Jesus with our wives. We need to smile upon them from our hearts, from our hearts, while we see needs in their lives with our eyes. Did you get that? We need to take away that furrowed eyebrow and replace it with a smile.

Amen? Come on, we're supposed to nurture them. First Peter chapter 3 and verse 7, we find these beautiful words which help us to understand what it means, better, more what it means to lay down our lives for our wives. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them, your wives, according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.

This verse in First Peter gives us more insight, more insight into what it means to lay down our lives for our wives. Here in this verse, God connects the example of Christ with the practical commands to love our wives. Remember yesterday we told the sisters, that they have a likewise in their verses there in First Peter chapter 3, likewise or in the manner that Christ laid down his life, in the manner that Christ suffered, in the manner that Christ did not, he bore reproach and did not fight back, in the same manner you wives do.

Well now God put a likewise in there for us men also, amen? I'm glad for that. It wouldn't seem quite right that the sisters must bear the cross and not us. Likewise, ye brethren.

Likewise. God is speaking to us husbands about suffering in a redemptive way as we dwell with our wives. As I read all these verses together, I picture a husband that is full of faith, dwelling patiently with his wife.

There's no argument in this home and there's no retaliation for failure. That's what I see. The word dwell is a deep word.

It means much more than living in the same house, amen? Much more. The depth of this word is beautiful and the picture is that of a husband, communing with his wife with an understanding heart. We should be husbands who know enough about our wives to discern their needs and know how much they can bear.

Dwell with them according to knowledge. That's what that little phrase means. Now how can you dwell with them according to knowledge if you don't get some knowledge? And how can you get some knowledge if you're not open and sensitive to their heart and their needs? Sorry, getting ahead of myself.

God admonishes us men to honor our wives as the weaker vessel. However, what does God mean by weaker vessel? This is one of those little phrases which men use in many unscriptural ways. It does not mean our wife is dumb or lacking in wisdom.

It is not right to push her aside and simply say, she's the weaker vessel, she can't handle these things, I'll do it, I'll make the decision. Many of us men use this phrase out of context. God is telling us to honor them, to give them a place of special esteem as we would give to our eye.

Our eye is a weaker part of our body. We're very, very careful about our eye. Amen? It's a sensitive piece of this body of mine.

And I'm very careful about it. How about you? Yes. We take special care for our eyes because they are a sensitive part of our body which we do not want to lose.

Likewise, our wives are a very important part of us and they require special tenderness and care. Special tenderness and care. Give them honor.

Give them extra attention. Give them all the attention that they need. You will be the better for it.

If you lose your eyes through neglect, you will stumble your way through the rest of your life. If you lose your wife through neglect, you will also stumble your way through the rest of your life. Therefore, Malachi 2.15, Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

Brethren, if you lose your wife, you will stumble your way through the rest of your life. The Lord adds strength and balance to the words that we have already considered by proclaiming us as equals. Heirs together of the grace of life.

Equals. We are fellow heirs of the grace of life, washed in the same blood. We stand together in God's kingdom under the same canopy of grace.

Hallelujah. Be not high-minded, but fear, brethren. There is no place for an arrogant display of authority between a husband and a wife.

We are heirs together of the grace of God. Again, I plead for a calm, quiet authority that is led by the gracious spirit of the living God in our marriages. We are brothers and sisters in Christ.

We, us, husbands and wives. And we are bound to the many gracious principles of brotherhood in the New Testament. The husband and the wife can be a powerful prayer team.

And Satan knows this. And will do all kinds of things to keep the two of you at odds with each other. I'm afraid more times than not, their relationship is so strained that they don't even pray together.

God is admonishing us as husbands on how to eliminate that strain. How? Lay down your life for your wife. This is God's way.

Now, we want to look at some practical ways that we can lay down our life for our wife. And if I get through this list in the allotted time, it will be a miracle. Number one, the powerful emotion of love.

The first point needs some definition because everything I will mention falls underneath this category, but yet I want to make it a point. There is a difference between the acts of love and the emotion of love. Ideally, the many acts of love should flow out of the emotion of love.

We will start at the fountain here this morning and then move down into some of the acts. The emotion of love is one of those phenomena that stretches beyond human understanding. Song of Solomon says it this way, Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it.

If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly condemned. And what God is saying in that is simply this. When a man loves a woman with an emotional love, when his heart has been smitten, you can give him anything you want.

You will not turn him away from that love that he has in his heart for his woman. That is the first point that I want to make. Yes, we need to do the right things.

I'm all for that. Yes, there are times when you may not feel the emotion of love and it's right to do what's right anyway. But dear brothers and sisters, who wants to live with somebody who just does right because it's right? I'd much rather have a flow of love.

And I'm telling you, brethren, if that flow of love comes out of your heart, into your wife's heart, nothing will put a spring in her step more than that. Nothing will put a glow on her face that flows out of her heart than that emotional love that she can sense from the depths of your heart. My husband loves me and I am the most special person in all the world to him.

Whoo! She'll do anything if you will love her like that. I'm telling you, she will. She'll do anything.

I remember some time ago, I think it was you two, one of the couples started courting and that's something that happens around here all the time, but there was a new couple that was beginning to court and I remember the first time I met the two of them after they had made their announcement that they're gonna start courting. I mean this dear lady, this girl, she was lit up like a light bulb. Lit up like a light bulb.

Now, he hadn't taken any time to wash her in the Word yet. He hadn't taken any time to teach her any scriptures. He hadn't taken any time to love her in the hard times and the good times.

All it was, was that he had released his heart's affection toward her and she lit up like a light bulb. That's point number one, amen? Keep the fire burning, brothers. Keep it burning hot.

Man, if I do that on all these points, I know I'll never get done. Bless God. Love is an unexplainable force which works to produce all the rest of these points that I'm going to say and they freely flow when this one's in its place, amen? They freely flow.

Christ did not just die as an act of love. His love for us compelled Him to lay down His life for us, amen? It compelled Him to do it. God so loved that He gave.

Let us never forget that. I know of no other thing that will cause a wife to radiate from within like love. Genuine love has commitment and emotion, both of them together.

We dare not separate these two here with our wives. Number two, let us become a student of our wife, a student of our wife. This point naturally flows from the first one, but consider this.

When we love our wives, we will want to understand them. They are different than we are. Brethren, they are different.

We will seek to know them in a deeper and a deeper way. God made the woman very different than the man. Every man acknowledges that, but I'm not sure every man acknowledges it with delight.

You're missing something. Come on, man. Would you really want to be married to somebody just like you? They're different.

God made them different. They're beautifully different. Ask any young man who just started courting.

He'll tell you, they are beautifully different and I don't want them to be anything but that. Hallelujah. His plans and purposes for her are not the same as they are for the man.

It is very important that we understand this in a positive way. These differences are beautiful ones. Yea, she is fearfully and wonderfully made and designed by God to fulfill her God-given purpose and it's different than ours.

When men make foolish statements about women like this, women, who can understand them? They are showing their ignorance of God's purposes in creation and a hardness in their own heart. These differences, learned in a joyful and a positive way, can change your whole marriage. She is an amazing creation made very different than you.

Enjoy her unique qualities, dear brother. They are a balance to you just as Christ seeks to know us, His bride, we also should seek to know our wives and understand what makes them tick. And I mean every bit of that in a positive way.

Number three, be a spiritual leader. You want your wife to glow. Be a spiritual leader, brethren.

Christ is the initiator of the relationship that He has with His bride, which is us. He loved us first. He laid down His life to draw us to Himself.

He is the initiator. We are the responders. Dear brethren, we need to get that one in our marriage.

This is a lovely picture of spiritual leadership. Most Christian wives long for a husband who will tenderly doubt in their homes. This kind of initiative brings great security to the heart of a wife.

The opposite is also true. Have you ever seen an insecure woman sparkling and glowing? When a husband rises up and finds solutions to the problems in their home and leads the family out of them, the wife finds rest in her soul. The next point, and I'm skipping some of these, praise and attention.

Christ's continual care for His church is the fuel that keeps the fires of love burning in our own hearts, isn't it? His continual love and care for us, this work is the same in our marriage. Let your wife be the object of much praise and attention and you will never be sorry. We have this little proverb at our house and it's a beautiful one.

A little bit of love goes a long ways. A little bit of love and attention goes a long ways. Take the time to show her how important she is to you.

If you stop and think about it, there are dozens of things that you cherish about your wife. Lay all the negatives aside and just focus on the positives. Sometimes when I'm counseling husbands and wives, I'll put them on quarantine.

Tell them, okay, for the next two weeks until you come back for the next counseling session, you're on quarantine. You are not allowed to find one thing wrong with your husband and you are not allowed to find one thing wrong with your wife. Only positives all for the next two weeks.

You're on quarantine. They all come back saying, what a beautiful experience that was. Well, amen, amen.

That's the way it's supposed to be. The next one, quality time. An intimate relationship is a key to a happy marriage.

If you knew at all the insides of your wife, brethren, you would know that point is very true. And I mean more than a physical relationship when I make this statement. Actually, the one flows out of the other.

As husbands and wives, we need time to focus on deep heart-type sharing. It's very important. We need it.

Our wives need it. Our wives prosper under it. It's part of their very makeup to be able to share deeply with somebody else.

Don't be a fool. If you don't do it, she may find somebody else to do it with. Might be a girlfriend.

Might be somebody else. Wake up, men. Wake up.

We have a date every Tuesday. The whole purpose for the date is to spend sweet time together. It's not time to solve all the problems.

It's not time to hash through all the difficulties. It's not time to look at all the problems in the church. It's not time to remind each other of things that we needed to do that we didn't do.

No. This is a time of sweet, loving relationship together. We do it on Tuesdays.

We may sit in a restaurant and talk for two hours. While the waitress is looking over there and wondering when we're gonna get out. Or we may just go for a walk in the park.

Just holding hands and walking in the park. We dream dreams together. We laugh about the lovely things the children said.

We make plans about future events for the home. Just like intimacy with Christ takes time, so it is with our wives. Do you really want to get to know them? Then you will spend some time with them.

And if you will spend the time, you will get to know them. If you ask the right questions, you will get to know them. If you will listen intently when you ask those questions and she begins to realize, she really wants to know what I'm thinking and feeling inside.

She will begin to open up and you will discover some things about your dear wife that you never knew. Good manners. The Bible uses the word courteous, brethren.

Courteous. To define good manners. This word means, literally, manners for the king's court.

Courteous, manners for the king's court. I like that. Manners vary in different cultures.

But all civilized cultures have manners. When men know what they are, it becomes a blessing to their wives. And we men know what they are, don't we? We use them very well when we were courting.

I mean, we took lots of baths, we brushed our teeth more often, we carried, you know, the breath fresheners in our pocket, we spoke with kindness and gentleness, we said excuse me and thank you, we opened up doors and shut them, we watched over them when they were walking over a piece of ice. We had good manners, brethren, didn't we? Good manners say this. You are important and I care for you.

We need to cultivate courtly manners, brethren. And let me just say this before we move on. Some of what we call manliness in quotes is simply bad manners.

Men, simply bad manners. A disciplined man. We'll go to the next one here.

A disciplined man. Oh, what a radiance will come into the heart of your wife as you become a disciplined man. A man, a disciplined man is a spirit-controlled man.

When our wives see us living a consistent, ordered life, it gives them confidence in our leadership. Personal devotions are at the pinnacle of all of those disciplines up there. When a wife sees her husband reading the Word and spending time in prayer on a consistent daily basis, she has much less difficulty submitting to his leadership when she realizes this man sits along with God every day.

I'm going to listen to what he has to say. But if we don't, she becomes insecure when all of a sudden we try to steer the ship this way or that way. She wonders, is he hearing from God? Does he take enough time to find out what God thinks about all this? A disciplined man.

The next one I'd like to look at is humility. Blessed humility. I hear a statement often in marriage counseling that I wish that I could change right here today.

Here is the statement. The woman often says in marriage counseling problems, My husband never says I'm sorry. This is a very sad commentary on Christian manhood, isn't it, brethren? On Christian manhood.

Our wives live with us through the thick and the thin. They know that we make many mistakes. I mean, they really know we make them.

What a facade to never acknowledge them. This one flat spot can blot out many good things that you try to do. Our integrity is at stake here, brothers.

Tell her you were wrong and ask her to forgive you with a sincere humility. And you may think, if I do that, she may not listen to me. She may not follow me as easily.

I promise you, if you bow your heart when you're wrong, because she already knows when you're wrong anyway. She lives with you all the time. If you bow your heart when you're wrong, her estimation of you will go up, up, up, not down, down, down.

Promise, promise. She'll follow you more easily. She will trust you in deeper ways.

If she realizes this man has humility, he will bow his heart and acknowledge his needs. Beautiful, beautiful. The next one I want to look at.

Make changes together. Make major changes together, brethren. Many men, in the name of leadership, damage the spirit of their marriage by making major decisions all by themselves.

This is a dangerous way to lead your wife, if you haven't figured it out yet. All along, the husband thought he was exercising leadership, in quotes. Brethren, you do not walk into your house after work one day and say, God told me to quit my job, and so I did.

You do not do that. Don't ever do that again, as they say in Africa. You must bring your wife along with you, so that she is at peace with such major changes.

Prepare her ahead of time and seek her counsel about what you think that God wants you to do. A wife's counsel is one of the most valuable insights that you have when making major decisions. Find out what she thinks.

You don't have to do what she says, but you ought to want to know what she thinks about every major decision that you make, because she has insight into you and your life that nobody else has. When it's time for me to make a decision, and I'm not sure what to do, I always go find people who know me very well. And bless God, the wife knows you better than anybody else.

Ask her what she thinks about what you think God is telling you to do. When you make these major decisions, and you don't seek your wife's counsel, and you don't bring her into it at all, you give her a silent message that says your opinion is not important. That's sad.

All right, the next one. Comfort her and listen to her. Our wives are going to fail.

Give them the freedom to fail and learn. Give them the freedom. When they do, it is not time to sit them down and correct them, and give them your five points as to why you feel like they messed up right there.

That is not the time to do that. We all know from our own experiences that much learning comes through failure. How often would you come to somebody with your failures, if when you did, all you received was a bunch of corrections, and I told you so, and I wondered when you were going to do this, and I figured it would happen that way.

That's not the time to give a correction. There may be times to sit down with your wife and give some guidance or give some insight into something that she's doing that would help her and bless her life. But when she has failed, it's not time to sit her down and say, yeah, well, let me tell you why you failed.

Oh, come on. She doesn't need somebody to tell her that. She needs somebody to say, oh, come, honey, just tell me about it.

I'll listen. I'll listen. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, sorry. I feel bad for you.

This is what she needs. And lastly, give her unconditional love and acceptance. In Christ, we are accepted in the beloved.

I am so grateful for this reality. This is a tremendous motivation for growth and sanctification in my own spiritual life. And it is also the same with our dear wives.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. Love them and accept them and give them the benefit of the doubt. You know what that means? That means that you're going to think the best of them, not the worst of them for whatever they have done.

You will think the best, not the worst. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Now, the Bible says in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 that a woman is the glory of the man.

Dear brethren, take care of your glory. The woman is the glory of the man. She is the glory of the man.

Her life crowns his life. Dear brethren, I want to exhort you this morning. Take care of your glory.

You will never be sorry that you did. Never be sorry. Let's pray.

Oh, Father in heaven. Thank you, Lord, this morning. Hallelujah, Father.

Thank you for the glorious institution of marriage. Thank you, Father, that you made a man and a woman different. Thank you, Father, that you looked down upon man 6,000 so years ago and said it is not good for the man to be alone.

Father, we thank you for the precious gift that you've given us when you gave us a wife. Oh, would you teach us men how to care for our wives, how to wash them, how to bless them, how to encourage them, how to build character in them. Oh, God, would you make our wives shine for the glory of God.

Oh, Lord, we pray. Teach us men these very important things, Father. We trust you to do that.

We pray this in Jesus Christ's name. Amen.