Mike Bickle emphasizes the critical role of forgiveness in relationships, particularly as taught in Matthew 6:12-14. He explains that true forgiveness goes beyond merely avoiding negative thoughts about those who have wronged us; it requires actively blessing and doing good to them. Bickle highlights the importance of addressing anger, pursuing reconciliation, and maintaining a positive communication style to restore and strengthen relationships. He encourages believers to be proactive in healing wounded relationships, especially within close personal connections, and to cultivate a culture of grace and affirmation in their interactions.

Let's turn to Matthew chapter 6 Father we thank you in the name of Jesus For this glorious passage of scripture the Sermon on the Mount that teaches us How to walk with you and to live in your blessing and walk in grace We thank you in Jesus name. Amen Well here in Matthew chapter 6 I want to focus on this verse that calls us to forgive our debtors and to forgive the people that transgress or The sins against us, how's that? Saying three words at once Paragraph a there's many principles in the Sermon on the Mount that are directly Related to building relationships, and if you read the Sermon on the Mount kind of casually you won't see that And so I gotta give a little bit of information on the notes about that But in paragraph be the forgiving of our debtors or the people that sin against us this is the foundational Principle to everything Jesus says about the relationship principles throughout the whole Sermon on the Mount. This is the core issue now most believers I'm assuming I'm sure there's exceptions have little residues of bitterness and Relationships that I haven't really got to the bottom of and that's related to this issue of forgiveness and when we Interact with the people that cause us pain or trouble or we interact with the people that mistreat us we we have this negative emotion and What we do often is we're just happy just to retreat from the relationship and just kind of avoid them Not speak anything bad about them just kind of stay out of their way and and just not think about them But that's not what Jesus is saying He's saying I want you to fully forgive them and even though that little residue of bitterness I want it to be exposed now the way it gets exposed is When he commands us to bless the people who are annoying us He says bless your enemies, but it's from a major enemy to just minor annoyances and Troubles that people cause us he goes I want you to bless them and do good to them and It's in the blessing and the doing good where that negative little residue of bitterness comes to the surface We go. I don't want to bless them. Well. What is it that you're feeling? I don't know I just don't want to bless them the Lord says ah that's what I'm talking about right there and so this issue of fully forgiving and Then actively blessing the people that trouble us is what Jesus is calling us to because that's the only place where we're gonna Have liberty in our spirit and relational health or health in our other relationships paragraph C Now Jesus identifies four specific principles that I'm not going to spend time on But I want to alert you to them so that you can look at them more carefully later if this stirs your heart But he identifies four specific principles that are related specifically to people who trouble you this is not just relationship building in general, but particularly related to people that trouble you and the important part to understand Most of these relationships are familiar and close relationships Meaning it's not the random stranger out there that does this horrible thing that you have to forgive Well, we do need to forgive that but the real context of the application of this is in close personal regular relationships or relationships we we interact with on a regular basis Like our marriages or our family children our parents our siblings That's where this comes to a head in the most Often in our lives Number one, we're gonna look at each one of these four principles for just a sentence at each one Jesus said I want you to deal with your anger. Now. We want to deal with their anger He says now I want you to deal with your anger And I want you to quickly pursue reconciliation Oh, I don't want to deal with my anger and I don't want to pursue reconciliations. I just want to stay out of their way I'm not gonna say nothing bad about him. I just want them just to retreat from the relationship and the Lord says no That's not the way of the kingdom the second Direct principle related to people that causes trouble Number two, which is chapter 5 verse 44. He goes. I want you to actively bless them and do good to them Now it's in the act of blessing and doing good where the negative emotion we have comes to the surface Because we can kind of be content with a relationship. Hey, you know, I'm staying away from them. I'm avoiding them I'm not saying anything bad about them. Even when somebody else says something bad. I stay quiet. I must be doing pretty good Now the Lord says no don't be content with that Just staying out of conflict is not the kingdom vision for relationships But it's actively loving one another even the people that trouble us He says bless those that curse you now. This isn't just major curses. These are people that are putting you down Put the phrase bless those that of the people that put you down now you think of family members now you think of close friends they got Now I can put a face on this verse and you know again I'm happy to just avoid them and not say negative the Lord says that's not good enough deal with your anger Pursue reconciliation and actually actively bless them then the fourth principle That he warns us not to evaluate them in a wrong way This verse that's so familiar with I mean that we're all familiar with it. We'll get to in a few weeks About don't judge people Except in the way that you want to be judged And this idea of judging means don't evaluate them or form opinions about them except in the right way Then in paragraph D the next principle in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says ask and it will be given and again, that's Matthew 7. We'll look at this in a few weeks that Exhortation to ask the Lord to help you is actually in context to solving relational conflicts Most of Matthew 7 is in context to relationships and I'll I'll make that clear in a few weeks but Jesus doesn't just randomly start talking about prayer. He's talking about prayer related to people who are troubling you in one way or the other now the natural way that we relate to people that bother us is Again, we avoid them we retaliate against them or we use anger and sarcasm to try to change them like They're doing something wrong and we figure if we say it enough strong enough mad enough Maybe they will change or maybe if we retaliate that will make them change or maybe if we just avoid them They'll change and they'll just don't go away the problem And Jesus says that natural way of approaching people that trouble you is not the way of the kingdom I want you to do it my way engaged in those four principles that I just mentioned So briefly, I want you to deal with your anger. I want you to pursue reconciliation I want you to look to yourself first. I want you to fully forgive them bless them actively love them Etc, etc. That's the way that my kingdom operates Let's look at top of page 2 Restoring injured relationships. Now again, this is really just the Practicalities of walking out full forgiveness This full forgiveness is so much more than just not thinking negative thoughts about somebody full forgiveness Always involves actively blessing and doing good to that person Alright, it's a whole change of attitude towards them Which is much more than again just avoiding them and trying not to have too many negative thoughts when somebody brings them up That's not forgiveness That's not far enough that's not the kingdom way for relationship a paragraph a a Relationship can be injured at many different levels There can be a slight wound in a relationship and that's what I want to spend the rest of the time talking about the slight wound Not the relationship that's so broken that you never ever interact with them ever again. I mean, that's a crisis Most people have a couple relationships in which the spirit of the relationship is slightly Wounded or more than that? Now what I mean by that paragraph B is that they have a closed spirit Meaning the one person in the relationship is not responsive or maybe both of them aren't they're not responsive to each other Or they're guarded. They don't trust each other in the same way They trust each other a little bit, but not the way they used to they have a guarded spirit Or maybe they are resisting touch. I'm thinking of a family context Moms and dads you have a 12 year old son or daughter and you put your arm around them and they kind of freeze and get Stiffened, you know their body goes like this They're not saying they don't want they don't want to have a relationship with you But they are signaling that the spirit of the relationship is injured and it can be fixed by proactively Doing what Jesus says to do and what the Bible makes clear from Genesis to Revelation or sometimes Often I mean many marriages millions of them around the world I mean millions and millions, you know, one spouse might touch the other and just that that recoiling of a sense of reaction that takes place Again, that's putting us on alert when somebody is guarded in their heart The trust level is not all the way down, but going down. It's time to be proactive It's time to to be alerted that trouble is in the relationship Okay paragraph see a relationship is wounded Long before it's broken and people begin to just kind of suddenly start drifting apart when the spirit of the relationship is wounded and We need to be proactive. We need to be alert to it and not wait till it's such a crisis that the relationship is over That's what I mean by broken Proverbs chapter 18 verse 19 a Brother offended is harder to win than a strong city Now he's talking about a brother now a brother's talking about a familiar relationship This is not just a random stranger That's offended by something you do. This is in a marriage. It doesn't have to be a brother versus sister It means a close relationship is the idea It could be a parent child or a sibling or a close friend when they get offended You have to double up the effort to go and win them back and to win them means to the place where the trust is Restored in the openness and the relationship is restored. That's what it means to win them But once they're offended it will escalate and it will get worse as time goes on Time doesn't heal these kinds of things. They these wounded relationships have to be addressed And my point is that we want to address them when they're small not waiting till they're at crisis point The scripture says that a brother offended is harder to win than a strong city And one translation says that a fortified city Meaning in the ancient world if a city had walls around it had a fort built around it so to speak walls It was really hard to capture that city took a lot of strategy took a lot of energy took a lot more time And the scripture saying that if you let that offense escalate without dealing with it in the right way It's gonna be a lot harder to regain that open hearted free spirited trust flow that you had in earlier times Roman number three, let's look at just a few biblical principles Related to restoring an injured relationship and again the point being that the that the forgiveness Comes to its full Application in our life we've forgiven them we face the negative emotion and we've Responded to the person that sinned against us in an opposite spirit Then then they're responding to us that we're responding to them in the in the active love that Jesus Describes here in the Sermon on the Mount Paragraph a the most common way That a relationship is wounded is by speech Now that's not the most tragic way the most tragic would be by physical abuse and there's many levels of that but the most common way is by Speech out of seven billion people on the earth probably everybody has experienced this They they're experiencing it now on one end or the other of a relationship that has some kind of wound in it And again, I'm not talking about a severely wounded relationship. I'm talking about a slightly wounded one Restoring it while there's still time to recover the fullness of how that relationship was meant to be Proverbs 15 verse 1 a Wholesome tongue is a tree of life But perversion in our speech is what he's talking about. It breaks the spirit that if there's a perversion in our speech It not only breaks the spirit of the person that we have that negative speech towards it also breaks the spirit of the relationship That you have with that person Now if you have a wholesome tongue It will bring life even to the person that you have a conflict with it will inspire them a little bit It will put courage in their heart a little bit and it will give life to the relationship Proverbs 18 21 says life and death are in the power of our tongue meaning our words Anybody can use words to bring life To another person or to a relationship meaning an inspiration and encouragement to bolster the trust Even if the trust is severely broken it can increase Little by little by speaking words of life But if we speak words of death Then the death will continue to happen in the relationship Now the perverse speech is not talking about perversion like sexual perversion speech that has connotations like that It's talking about having a negative critical Accusatory dimension in the speech, and it will break the spirit of a relationship every single time Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29 Paul said determine this Don't let any corrupt word it ever leave your mouth now corrupt words do leave our mouth But when they do were to call them corrupt words We're not gonna we're not to say well, that's just how I am and that's how I was raised We're to say no that is corrupt speech. That's perverse speech and Most of the corruption he's talking about here. The majority of it is the negative angry sarcastic critical tone in Conversation between people that are friends or they're in the same family. It's parents to children children to parents Husband-to-wife vice-versa That's the corrupt speech that is most prevalent There's others. There's other dimensions to corrupt speech besides that But what Paul says he goes the opposite of corrupt speech Speak words that edify them words that actually impart grace that inspire them To obey God that inspire them to want to be a part of the relationship instead of a drawback from the relationship Now a lot of negative things that we can say are even true But what Paul's saying here is it's not enough that the negative thing is true the point is is it edifying and does it help the relationship and It is important to say negative things in relationship But we can say negative things we can voice our concerns even voice the thing That's troubling us, but we can say negative things but with a positive spirit and so Jesus didn't tell us or nowhere in the Bible does it tell us never to say or a negative thing or to point out a fault but point out negative things in a positive spirit and point them out in a way that Edifies the person and it edifies the relationship So a lot of negative things They're true, but they're not helpful Really? It's just venting and Paul's saying don't do that Venting will not impart grace or inspire good things in the person you're venting even if the negative things you're saying are true But rather commit to impart grace Now a common response is I can't I'm just so frustrated. I'm I'm just so upset. I'm just so Negative feeling I can't say these positive things and the Lord says, aha That's what I want to talk to you about. I've just now exposed a weakness in your relationship to me Let's you and I connect more Because your inability to speak grace in that conflict situation is showing you There's a deficiency between you and me and I want to bolster that and I want to help you I'm going to strengthen that part of your life So often when we feel like we can't speak that we automatically assume because the person is so bad We can't speak at a fine thing and the Lord says no your relationship to me is so deficient And I want to help you because I love you so much But this determination not to speak corrupt words is what I want to highlight as families a family culture in Marriages in friendships this commitment not to speak her up words Of course, we will we'll fail but when we fail we call it sin and not normal We say it's I do it and I do it all the time But I'm not content doing it and I'm gonna declare war against it I'm gonna confess it to the person I say it to when I have corrupt speech that Angry sarcastic engagement. I'm going to call it corrupt Proverbs chapter 15 a soft verse 1 a soft answer or a gentle answer will turn away anger a Gentle answer will turn away anger the context is this You know the the guy says something to you a man says something to you Whether it's a family member or a friend or what any situation and and you want to answer what they said They said something negative and you want to answer it And Solomon says here if you give a soft answer to their harsh word They gave you actually you will soften the problem But if you answer harshness for harshness You will stir their anger up then undoubtedly They'll answer you back with harshness and then you will answer them back with harshness and the thing escalates to a great trouble This is a what I call just relationship restoration 101 this passage that we're committing to speak a answer with grace in it a soft answer an answer that has gentleness in it and even the the the guilty person or the person that Started or provoked you that you're answering You will even turn wrath or anger away from them it will diminish it won't necessarily all go away But it will diminish but more importantly the anger in you will diminish, too But if you give a harsh answer the anger in them and the anger in you will escalate Paragraph D now this is a really important that when we communicate in a time where we're wanting to restore a Relationship or there's just a Some kind of conflict even a low-level conflict To where we're somebody's troubling us or somebody's just bothering us or somebody's causing us pain. Just whatever level It's important that we answer in the right tone It's important that we answer in the right timing with the right spirit and in the right ratio between affirmation and correction Those four points are very very important. They're pretty obvious They're pretty evident the importance of them, but I just want to take a minute and talk about each one of them Paragraph E. Now. This is probably the most important paragraph in terms of a practical takeaway Because having a negative tone in a relationship is So common that people don't even see that as a problem. They think well, I probably shouldn't know it's disastrous It's deadly to a relationship. It's not just a weakness it is cancer to a relationship a negative tone is in the Communication and many people never even consider that as part of the problem or part of the solution the changing of the tone Now the opposite of a negative angry sarcastic tone Is a sincere tone And what I mean by that you can speak negative things But in a sincere way you can be across the table from somebody and you're having a you're working through a problem You can say what you do really bothers me, and I think it's really wrong but you can say it sincerely and You can say it with a calm spirit, and it makes it to where the person has a chance at least to hear it But if you say it in anger and you say it in sarcasm It's not going to bring a solution to the relationship now sarcasm I have written here It's it's the one I think one of the most deadly things in a relationship sarcasm Sarcasm will hinder if I use sarcasm it will hinder me from speaking fully What's on my heart if I'm sarcastic in a relationship that I have a conflict in or I'm trying to resolve something If I speak sarcastic, I can't even clearly say what I'm trying to say I Can't fully say it and the person hearing me can't hear it So sarcasm has a double-edged sword in a negative sense it hinders you from saying what you want to say and it hinders them From hearing what you say it is absolutely a relationship killer It is one of the premier ways where we have corrupt speech or perverse speeches in sarcasm Now 35 years ago when Diane and I were first married We had we identified two specific principles although we had many more than two in our relationship but two of them we talked about More than all the others and one of them was this that we were not going to allow Sarcasm to have any place in our communication or in the in the relational culture in our family And that was something that what we were very committed to we defined it and we highlighted it And whenever we did do it because it's weak and broken people. We would we would sin in that area We would we would call it sin and we would confess it and renounce it And we determined that with our two sons Luke and Paul that we would not be Sarcastic towards them if we did we would repent to them that we were sarcastic. They couldn't be sarcastic back They couldn't be sarcastic to each other. We wouldn't let them even be sarcastic to their friends We said this could have zero place and the relational culture of our family zero and that was something that we attacked with great energy the whole 35 years and And some folks Sarcasm is just the most normal thing Because most human beings grow up in a family context where they have a toxic relational culture What I mean by a toxic relational culture most human beings in the whole earth I mean billions they grow up in a in a relational culture where anger sarcasm put downs that is a normal a Communication style and Jesus is saying that is opposite of what I'm teaching in the Sermon on the Mount exactly Opposite of the thing that will cause love to flourish in your home or in your friendships Let's look at paragraph F top of page 3 another issue that has to be right not just the tone and our communication the timing of our communication and And It takes time to communicate. You can't do it on the run and you can't do it when you're bothered by other things You can't do it in front of other people where the element of humiliation and embarrassment is now Distracting the communication timing really matters Paragraph G another thing that greatly matters in restoring a relationship is that we we are in a right spirit before we begin the discussion to discuss a point of conflict or a point of restoring a Uninjured relationship again, even if the end the relationship is just slightly injured and we want to address it We have to be in a right spirit even before we start the conversation Now I mentioned that Diane and I had two major points We really focused on in our relational style plus others as well again There's there's a lot of biblical points that are important But this was the second one that we determined that because I heard it in a marriage seminar before we were married I heard this guy say it He said if two of you are in conflict in marriage wait till both of you or feel calm or both of you you feel Relaxed you're not agitated. It may be hours. It may be a day later But wait till both of you just feel relaxed and calm before you discuss the point that agitated you with the One verse the other so I thought that was pretty cool So when I first met Diana, we got engaged. I told her that I said sarcasm and not Dialoguing when our spirit isn't calm and relaxed and if we're agitated at all, we're gonna wait a few hours And I made a commitment to her. I said if anything bothers you and You want to say it and either and we're not both Relaxed and I say or you say either one of us that initiated. Let's wait till later I assure you every time I will bring up the thing that's troubling you on my own I will bring it up soon so you can talk about it But I'm gonna wait for a few hours or maybe even to the next day and because she had the assurance I would do that when I would do something that irritated her and I mean I have a lot to work with I mean I did a lot of things that irritated her and She would want to say and I'd say, you know, let's just we're gonna talk about this Well, let's just do this a little while because we're both of us aren't in a calm peaceable place right now and that one principle of Waiting till we were in a right spirit to talk just waiting a few hours And sometimes a day Before we brought it up Again and not using sarcasm those two principles saved us so many more escalated conflicts Or conflicts that would have clearly escalated if we would have dialogued with those two principles not being in place Another thing that's very key is the ratio paragraph H there has to be a right ratio between Affirmation and correction and I just kind of pick a number. It's not a scientific number and it's not a An actual number, but I talk about a ten to one ratio if we speak More I mean if we're gonna give a negative a correction, we're gonna point out a fault. We have to have about ten positive Affirmation deposits in that relational bank for every one Withdrawal we make so to speak of a negative thing Now some people they mostly only give negative It's that you know, it's not even one to ten. It's not even one to one the ratios way the other way but even a one-to-one ratio if you say one positive for one negative it does not balance it out a one-to-one ratio will destroy your relationship, but will destroy a parent-child relationship a brother-sister relationship a husband-wife relationship a friendship relationship We need about ten times more Deposits of affirmation in the in the relational bank for every one negative that we focus on Now that positive affirmation is not just in words It's mostly in words, but not only it can be in a gesture a smile It can be in just a being helpful in a small little way just any little positive installments or deposits in the relationship It really matters because if the ratio is off The relationship will be broken and they will drift apart little by little it may take a few years, but it will drift apart now in speaking positive to people Particularly again. We're talking about a relationship a close relationship a marriage Children parents siblings good friends with one another in the workplace on the worship team in a ministry team and they're Doing something that's troubling you that's causing pain to you. That's just annoying you and you want to address it Again we want to we have to make more installments more deposits of the positive But I'm talking about a marriage right now or even parent to children Speak to the the greatness that they desire in their heart Meaning that wife of yours that husband of yours there. They're aspiring so many believers right now They're aspiring to obey the Lord. They're aspiring to walk in wisdom. They're aspiring to have humility you think well It's not very obvious because they don't have that much wisdom and not very much humility, and they don't look that obedient But in their heart they're reaching for it And they're aware they have pain about it in a way that you would they would never tell you I'm talking about a husband now Relating to his wife Call her forth according to the cry of her heart to be that noble woman Call what women call forth the king that's in that man. Not just the sinner that's in him I Mean there are times to talk about the sin in him. I mean, that's biblical to do that again We do say negative things. We just say them in a positive way at the right time with the right ratio I mean you could tell the guy you know you're lazy You're self-centered and insensitive But ladies just so you know every man is lazy self-centered and insensitive He's hurt in his whole life This is not new information to him and you can tell him that at key times But if that is your main statement That's you're not calling him forth to his nobility and to the thing He's really reaching for and the same thing with women I mean for men to to to their wives or parents to children is just as important of a relationship You know, I asked the Lord I said Lord, I want to see Diane the way you see her and Then I prayed that many times about my sons. I don't want to just see the obvious Virtues or weaknesses they have I want to see what's beyond What's obvious I want to see what you see then they got married So we have two daughter-in-laws and now we got four grandchildren and I pray that prayer for each one of them I want to see what you see about them And I want to call forth what they're reaching for I want to call forth what they're aspiring to be I Want to call forth the king or the queen and the spirit of that little boy or that girl? Not just point out their deficiencies and their faults Now again, there's a time to do that But if the relationship is mostly in that direction the relationship is going to be severely damaged and wounded Let's look at paragraph J now in a relational conflict Very important is ask the person questions Meaning when you're sitting down to talk about what they've done that bothers you don't say okay Let's let's get right into it. You're lazy selfish and insensitive plus five more things Don't start with declarations about how bad they are Actually ask them some questions and I have a little bit of detail in here You can read on your own say, you know when you do that, or would you say those things to me? What are you thinking? Or what are you feeling the guy goes what or the lady goes what I never that's a strange question Say no, I want to know what you're thinking when you do that And you might get the shock of your life some of the answers they may give you but starting the process of communication By actually asking them questions About what they're thinking or feeling or what they intend to do rather than just starting with bold statements of their failure That creates an environment for the relationship to actually grow in communication in a positive sense Now it would take a while for that relationship to fully recover, but you're moving in the right direction paragraph K Many times it's very helpful to strengthen the relationship. Tell them what you feel Meaning don't start off. You're lazy. You're selfish. You're insensitive say when you do this It makes me feel this way tell them or when you do this It seems like you're saying this to me when you do that Use words like it feels this way to me when you do that or say that or it Seems like this is what's happening rather than the definitive statement You're just selfish lazy and insensitive and you do all these other horrible things Meaning create an environment where dialogue can happen and many good things come out of that a lot of folks They just start right into it I mean they just jump in at the at the most negative thing right off the bat and there's no even the beginning of of Connection in the relationship and an injured relationship can't be restored in that kind of environment Paragraph L Galatians chapter 6 verse 1 Paul said if a man's overtaken in a sin you who are spiritual restore that person But do two things as you're restoring that person Speak in a spirit of gentleness Number one and number two look to your own faults and the idea is that you're gonna bring even your own Faults and your own weakness into the discussion So it's not perfect you fixing bad wife But it's broken you talking with broken wife and Together as broken people you want to help each other go forward and God so it it eliminates the talking down Kind of syndrome that causes the negativity to escalate into greater brokenness in the relationship Now, let's look at this verse again Paul says if a man's overtaken in any sin trespasser sin is the same thing Meaning the guy's guilty. He really said he did it. He's guilty as charged He goes. Okay. Now you who are spiritual you might be the guy's brother Sister spouse parent or good friend But if you're spiritual Try to restore him not just vent your frustration and disappointment Actually have a bigger agenda Rather than just putting him in his place Try to get him to be restored in the areas of his failure and the restored relationship as well And Paul says if you do that Number one your goal isn't to vent your goal isn't to give him a piece of your mind Your goal isn't to put him in the penalty box Your goal is to actually restore them in the full sense in every way Relationally as well as spiritually he goes now if you're a spiritual person, that's your approach when there's trouble He goes now when you do that, you have to operate in a gentle spirit if you have sarcasm If you have a Condescending lecturing tone in a conflict if you have anger, it's not gonna work and the number two Don't only focus on the trespass of the brother focus on your own weakness and even bring that into the dialogue when you're Speaking to him and they know that you're weak and you're needy as well and you're both on a journey to full restoration Paragraph M James goes on and says that if you will actually admit your own faults in the process Not only will you be healed physically you'll be healed emotionally, but the relationship will be healed, too The confessing the acknowledging of our own faults heals relationships Even though their fault might be the major fault, but you bringing your own Confession into the dialogue will actually facilitate healing now when you bring a confession paragraph M Don't say I'm sorry if I have offended you Because what that means is I'm sorry if you're so fragile and you're so weak that you're disturbed When somebody says I'm sorry if I offended you that is not an apology from a biblical point of view and certainly in my home That doesn't go down as an apology if I went to my wife said I'm sorry if you're offended if you're so unstable with a Bad perspective you can't get what I'm doing. I'm sorry That would go over zero without that's never worked even 35 years ago that didn't work But rather when you bring your confession not I'm sorry if but I repent since I Was deficient in love in the relationship some guy might say yeah, but she's the guilty one I didn't do nothing ask the Holy Spirit if you were deficient in any way in wisdom sensitivity or love Now I assure you the Holy Spirit will point out a few ways that you were deficient in love sensitivity or wisdom bring that Offering to the relationship now. Let's look at top of page four I Just bring this to an end paragraph Q Somebody says well. I want the truth. I just want the truth to come out Well if you want the truth to come out well, I've heard that over the years They're against this their wife or they're against a family member there gives the brother in the church or someone They're in the marketplace. I just want the truth to come out I'm gonna say the truth, but remember this the whole truth about that woman includes her virtue not just her failures So if you only say her failures, you're not saying the truth You're isolating one part of the truth, and you're emphasizing it so if you want the truth to come out take time to say her virtues or to the child or to the friendship that's strained etc and and then also remember That when we do tell the truth about a failure or a disappointment We do it in a merciful spirit in a gentle spirit because that's how God tells us the truth God doesn't tell any of us the whole truth about our failure. It would so overwhelm us we would quit He tells us a little bit of the truth about our arrogance and our insensitivity He convicts us of it with a guy American insensitive and the Lord could say not near as much as you really are Do you know it's way worse than you think? He doesn't talk that way We repent for the little that we get the Lord says good, that's good. We think I'm free of pride now He goes no no no no you just took a little one little Microscopic little dimension of it you've dealt with So my point is that when we do Tell the truth tell the positive part of them and the negative and when you tell the negative you don't have to tell the full Awfulness of what you can bear down with them on because God doesn't do that to you Talk to them with gentleness and mercy as part of the communication No paragraph are this is a very important one The book of I'm not going to go through it, but I just I want to reference it so you can look at it on your own complaints book of Proverbs has so much about complaints and It often talks about the complaining woman the contentious woman which means complaining Like the book of Proverbs talks a lot about the man yielding to immorality Now in that it doesn't mean that only men yield to immorality and it doesn't mean that only women are contentious That's not that's a wrong application this contentious This warning about complaining is for men and women old young Brothers sisters parents children, it's every type of relationships. Don't lock this into one to one category of the human race But here's the message Here's the message That the Solomon is making clear. He goes and you read these on your own. He's saying if you let complaining Dominate the relationship where you're pointing out the negative if that dominates the relationship anybody Will be driven out of the relationship They would rather go live in a desert with no food or water Then be in a place where they are confronted with that time after time after time now, this is true parents to children This is true brother to sister This is true on a worship team. This is true in any kind of relationship setting not just husbands and wives The idea is this Anybody will run from a relationship in which complaining is more dominant than affirmation and if you care about the relationship read these and take it to heart at any level and We'll end with this paragraph II I'm gonna encourage you to Read the book of Proverbs Together I'm talking about marriages now our families husband wife or even with your children five minutes a day will do it Here's why the book of Proverbs is The main book in the Bible that talks about communication skills and communication principles 31 Proverbs 31 days a month whatever day of the month it is just read that Proverb Read it for five minutes. You don't have to take an hour husband and wife together with the children if if they're if the children are there and It will bring into your discussion So many principles of communication Now I want to encourage you to do that Diane and I did that for a number of years you'd read a proverb a day we miss many days But whatever day of the month it was we just read that Proverb And it really helped us get our mind around our relationship together Amen, and amen Let's stand I'm have a worship team come if they would I Want to challenge you with this takeaway point as they're coming up Make a decision the you can go find on page two or three wherever it's at about Ephesians 429 Let no corrupt word leave your mouth make a decision in your marriage and in your family We are going to embrace this as our family relational culture We're gonna buy this now you're gonna fail, but when we fail We're gonna call it failure, and we're gonna sign back up, and we're gonna confess it And we're gonna sign back up to obey it. I tell you you do that Whether it's a your marriage your children or your friendships Whether in the church or out in the marketplace, whatever it will radically change your relationship experiences So I want us to I want to delete us in that just for a moment here Father here we are before you Lord we say yes We say yes that we will let no corrupt word Leave our lips, and if it does which it will We will call it failure and sin and we'll repent of it, and we'll confess it Just take 30 seconds on that just you and the Lord just the worship team is Preparing to lead us That's an important takeaway point if you do that The chain you'll change so many dynamics in your life And unless you're already doing it I Want to invite anybody up for prayer that like prayer and anything whether about this message or Physical healing or a situation your family you just want somebody to pray with you I want to invite you to go ahead and come on out You find us together Just Find us together I'm gonna fight others in the room many of you in the room come up and pray for two people one minute apiece So everyone gets prayed for several times You find us together You love Jesus come on up Two people one minute Just ask for grace to touch I'm just together Just Just together She just She just to forget Sure Just to see She just to Show us how to see you see To teach us to Show us how to see She just to forget Show us how to see Lord, let us see what you see. We want to see what you see when we look at our wife, our children, our friends. Would you find us, find us together, teach us to love? Would you find us together, teach us to love like you love Lord? Would you find us together, teach us to love? Would you find us together, teach us to love like you love Lord? We want to see what you see. We want to see how you see Lord. Show me the way you love Lord. I want to love like you love and see what you see Lord. It's been my heart to know your way. I want to see like you see. I love Jesus. I want to love like you love. I want to see like you see. I want to see like you see Jesus. I want to love like you love. I want to see like you see. I want to love like you see Jesus. I want to love like you love. I want to see like you see. I want to love like you love. I want to see what you see Jesus. I want to love like you love. I want to see what you see Jesus. I want to love like you love. I want to see what you see Jesus. Unconditionally Unconditionally I wanna love like you love me I wanna love like you Unconditionally Unconditionally I wanna love like you love me I wanna love like you love me Unconditionally Unconditionally