In this sermon, the speaker emphasizes the importance of following God's calling and not holding back others from fulfilling their purpose. The story of Noah and his obedience to God's instructions is used as an example. The speaker also encourages single women to submit to their authority and obey God. The sermon concludes with a reference to the story of David dancing before the Lord with all his might, highlighting the importance of wholehearted worship.

Hello, this is Brother Denny. Welcome to Charity Ministries. Our desire is that your life would be blessed and changed by this message. This message is not copyrighted and is not to be bought or sold. You are welcome to make copies for your friends and neighbors. If you would like additional messages, please go to our website for a complete listing at www.charityministries.org. If you would like a catalog of other sermons, please call 1-800-227-7902 or write to Charity Ministries, 400 West Main Street, Suite 1, EFRA PA 17522. These messages are offered to all without charge by the freewill offerings of God's people. A special thank you to all who support this ministry. Believe it or not, I couldn't wait to share with you. I was busting with excitement as I was reading through the scriptures this week and a half. The scriptures, I just was enveloped by them. I just kept reading them and seeing things in them and saying, I don't remember seeing that. Oh, that's what that means. That's what I should be doing. And it's been just a blessed time. So if any of you women have any area that you feel like you want to brush up on, offer to teach it because you learn more by teaching than by any other way. I wrote, The Hour of Deliverance Continues. You know the mighty work God has been doing among the men and among the church. I honestly believe that we're not getting as far as we can because we women are not in our right place. And I believe that the time is now to change. We can't wait. There's too much riding on this. Our children are watching. Outside, people are watching. Our husbands need our support. In order for us to go forward as a church, we need to take our place. But how do we take it if we really don't understand what it is? It seemed like the wrong one to be up here sharing this, except that where sin does abound, grace does even more abound. So I am filled with grace in this subject because I have made many mistakes. Growing up in New York City, I did not hear anything about submission. I was married when I was 32 and sometime around there, I guess, I started hearing about it. And I heard about obeying your husband. Well, okay, I would obey him, I thought, until I started learning about my attitudes and about my controlling spirit and other areas that the Lord had to show me. You young ladies, you might as well learn now. It will save you so much pain. It will save you so much trouble later on if you learn it now. And children, this is the time that you can really learn to obey your mommy and daddy and to honor them. So that when you get older, it will be much easier for you to obey your parents and honor, I mean, obey your husband and honor him. We're going to be singing a song. It's a song that we sang before during the fast days of fasting. And then after that, it's the song, God Give Us Men. And then after that, we have a new version of it, hot off the press. It was just written today. And it's called, God Make Us Women. Do you have those? Can you pass them out, please? Neelane, can you start God Give Us Men? Just, you can start one of these. Yes, first, God Give Us Men. God give. Right to the women's now. Sing to them. In us. Use all our glories to watch. God make us women of different. To look without and not. God make us women with heaven. To turn. To love. To nurture vision. In us. God make us women of red. In us. Be red. God make us women to love. Oh, Father God. How could the men not be? Godly men, if we would take our place, Lord. Supporting them. Loving them. Reverencing them. Honoring them. Father, come and meet us this night. We don't want it to be just another time together. Time of fellowship. We don't want to leave feeling condemned by ourselves. How are we ever going to do it? We don't want to just be challenged, Lord. We want to be changed. We need to be changed, Lord. We need to know how to take our place, Lord. We need the power of your Holy Spirit to change us. We can't do it on our own strength, Lord. We look to you. And we know, Lord, that you will meet us. You will change us. You will help us to be the godly women that you have created us to be. Thank you, Father, for gathering us. Thank you for the song, Lord. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your precious word. Amen. I've called this talk tonight Beyond Obedience. I didn't know how many children would be here, but I thought we would just first talk about obedience. When we teach obedience in our homes, sometimes we use a little prop or something tangible to teach obedience. And if you children can learn that when you're obeying your mama, your papa, you are actually obeying God because that's what He wants you to do now. And if you learn that now, then if God has you get married, it will be easier for you then to obey your husband. So I have a board here. I call it the obedience board. Children, you see the verse up here? Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And so the first thing we put up, and we would do it maybe one day or one week each one. We wouldn't have it all finished in one day like this, but instantly. And so we put instant pudding, and that day we made instant pudding. And the children saw how quickly that became pudding. And we said, we've got to obey instantly. If you don't obey instantly, it's disobedience. Cheerfully, if you obey grumbling, the bad attitude, it's disobedience. Even if you do it right away and thoroughly, you've got to do it all. You've got to do totally. If you just clean up half your room when mama tells you, then you're disobeying because she told you to do the whole room. And we as moms and young ladies, we sometimes help children to learn these things. And I thought I was doing pretty well. I would obey, but my attitude wasn't right. Sometimes I would do it a little slower than I should have, or I would question. Do you ever do that, children? So sometimes you say, oh, do I have to do the whole room, mommy? Do you ever do that? I do that sometimes. I used to do that with my husband sometimes. You really want me to do that? That's not obedience, is it? But today we're going to speak about beyond obedience. It's not enough just to obey your parents. Then it goes on to say, honor your father and your mother. It tells us women, reverence your husband. And we're going to concentrate on that more than obedience tonight. I used to work at the airport back in the 80s at Kennedy Airport. And what my job was was to actually be there when an aircraft, a commercial aircraft from another country would land, the airline that I worked for. And I had to watch so many details of the plane at the same time, all the kind of things you don't realize when you're flying. But when a plane lands, first there's paperwork that has to be cleared through customs. Then you have to make sure that there's a stairway or a jetway to get the people off the plane. We have to make sure that the new water is put in because it's used all the water while it's coming over. You have to make sure the lavatories are cleaned out. The food that wasn't eaten has to be taken away. The baggage has to go and quickly go to the baggage handling area so that when the people come, the baggage is there. Now all this is going on at the same time as the people are coming out. Then some of the other details, now the plane has to be cleaned, so you have to make sure the cleaners are there. You have to make sure that the new catering, the new food is put back on. You have to make sure that if there's cargo, it gets put onto the plane. And don't forget the baggage for these people now getting onto the plane. Get the old one off, get the new one on. All going on at the same time, all these details. Then there's even more details. The pilot and the co-pilot can't eat the same meal because if it's bad then they'll both get sick and that would be serious. So you have to make sure there are different meals. Now some pilots won't take off unless there are different meals and you don't want to find that out when the plane is ready to leave because that will delay the plane and cost the airline money. Not to mention all the complaints that they'll hear or will hear. The pilot likes to know his baggage is on the plane and they will actually sometimes check to make sure the luggage is there before they'll take off. Now you might be saying, why is she telling us all this? None of us are going into the airline business. But this was my job. And when a plane was a little late and we had to get it out fast, we called it turned around fast, guess who they called to do it? Me. I was so good at my job. And what amazed me is when going through school, I didn't do well in school and all of a sudden I found myself doing so well that I was getting promotions before I was ready. Before I felt I was ready. And so before you know it, I was supervising. And when there were problems, whether they were in Chicago or Boston, they'd send me to take care of these problems. I was good. I was so good. But what terrible preparation for marriage. I had a controlling spirit. And the controlling spirit was great in the airline industry. But it doesn't do very well for a wife. So what I thought were my talents, my strong points, ended up to be my sin. I didn't realize it because I was obedient, I thought. But if my husband said to do something, I never would even think twice of not doing it. But my husband is very easygoing, so there were very few times he ever asked me really to do something. That was really a command. And the other things I would just maybe discuss a little bit with him. And then he'd usually see it my way and it would be fine, I thought. A couple of years ago I went to a conference. We were living here, so it was about two years ago. It was a conference that our homeschooling group had, a local one. And we went to it, and my husband graciously said, I'd like it, you can go to any sessions you want to go to, and I'll take care of the children. So I was going to go, not in the nursing mother's room, I was going to just sit there with a notepad, and I thought this was going to be great. So I picked out, I like this woman who was speaking, so I picked out her talks. And I went, and one of my children said, why are you going? Because she could tell it was on marriage harmony. And he said, why are you going? You have such a good marriage. So I said, oh, I like the speaker. Little did I know, I was not there because I like the speaker, I was there because God had arranged for me to be there. I needed to hear what they were saying. So I sat there, and I was taking my notes, and she started talking about this book, Daughters of Sarah. I thought, oh, that sounds interesting. Maybe I'll take a look at it after the meeting. Just flip through it and just see. And she went on talking about her problems. She too wasn't really rebelliously disobedient, it was the same kind of thing, controlling spirits. It was those daily little counter suggestions to his request. For instance, how about we have dinner at 5.30 tonight so that we can put the children to bed early and then we can have some time together. Oh, honey, I thought we were going to have some time together before dinner. Wrong. It was one after the other. It was those little things that are like little foxes. It was little suggestions. Oh, honey, there's a good parking spot. After he started pulling into a different one. Oh, that was even closer. Oh, honey, it's getting late. You think we should get going? I was helping. At least I thought I was helping. I wasn't helping. I was sinning. I was being rebellious. But I had no clue. And as this woman is telling her story, similar story, I thought, oh, wow, maybe I should think about getting that book. Well, I'll see. I thought, they didn't have a lot of books at this particular conference. They ran low. I'll just look at it because maybe somebody else needs it more than I need it. So I could always order it another time. Well, by the end of the talk, I had decided I'm running out of this room and I'm going to get that book because there's no one here that needs it more than I need it. I knew it. And I have been changing. I have had victories. I've had failures. But I've had victories. I'll give you an example of a victory I had tonight. Someone has graciously offered to buy us a house. And so we've been looking at a house. And unfortunately, today is the day at 9 o'clock we have to decide what to do about it. I have no idea what my husband is going to do. And I'm at total peace. That's not me. In the past, I would have said, well, should we discuss it so we know what we're going to do before I go to the meeting? No, I didn't. I didn't even think of it. And as I was driving here tonight, I thought, oh yeah, I wonder what he's going to do. Well, whatever it is, I know he's going to make the right decision. I have learned, by God's grace, that I'm not obeying my husband. I'm obeying God through my husband. And God is so mighty that He can, even if my husband should make a mistake that would look like a mistake, God can work it out. I don't have to work it out. And when you try to work it out, it just gets you like you're carrying a weight on your back. Because we're not made to carry that weight. When I did start learning, I went the other way for a little while. And now I was afraid to say anything. So when my husband would say, so Christine, what do you think about this? Oh, whatever you say, honey. Yeah, I know, but what do you think? Oh, whatever, what do you want to do, honey? And he'd say, no, but Christine, but I want to know. Yeah, but I really don't care. I trust you, honey. But he really wanted my opinion. And I was getting him a little frustrated. So the problem was I was comparing myself. And it says comparing themselves among themselves are not wise. And that's what I was doing. I was seeing some other ladies that seemed so submissive. And they just seemed to go along with whatever their husband said. And they honestly didn't seem to have an opinion about many things. So I figured, well, that's what I have to do. It also says in God's Word, likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husband. Now, what might be disobedience for one person might not be for the other. My husband has given me total permission. In fact, he wants me to help if he's driving. And you know how sometimes you're driving on these country roads and all of a sudden you're going a little too fast? He'll just say, just nudge me or just say speed check or something like that because he believes in staying within the speed limit. I'm helping him by doing that. Some of you, if you did that, your husband would not appreciate it. But I had to learn, I have to obey my own husband. I always wondered why that word was there, your own husband. I thought, well, what other husband do you have? But as I've been studying it this week, I was saying, that's what it's about. I'm supposed to obey. I'm supposed to help my husband the way he needs to be helped. And it says in God's Word that we have been specifically created to be his helper. We were created for him. And so we have to learn what his needs are so we can meet his needs. My husband's needs are going to be different than Martha's husband's needs and everyone else's husband's needs here. We need to study our husbands. We need to pray that God will show us how to meet their needs. And I went to my husband. When I finally was convicted that all these little helping things I was doing for my husband, which were not helping at all, it was just getting him more quiet or just not helping him to be the man God wanted him to be, I went to him. And first I went to God. After the conference, I got that book. I said to my husband, Honey, can I get the book? So he said, Well, you think you want it? I said, Honey, I need it. I really need it. So we'll be reading some from the book later. I went home and I had a walk and a talk with the Lord. I acknowledged my sin as sin. There were no excuses. I realized it was rebellion. I realized it was wrong. I realized, yes, at the airport, I was supposed to control all those things at the same time. At home, I don't need to control anything unless my husband specifically asked me to do it. It was a hard lesson. I'm still learning it, but I'm having victory in it to the glory of God. Not all the time. So after I repented to the Lord, I came to my husband in front of my children during devotion time, and I confessed that I was wrong. That I had sinned against God and against Him. That I was wrong. I asked my children to forgive me because I had been a terrible example. Why do I expect them not to ask me, But Mommy, if I'm saying to my husband, But Honey, even though I was saying it sweetly, I need to submit my will. I needed to submit my will. We have a little bit more about this controlling spirit. We have Lisa Keys is going to read something from the book Daughters of Sarah. While she's coming up, there is one thing about the book Daughters of Sarah. It doesn't talk about making a godly appeal. And so if any of you read it, I just want to give you that caution. That there are times we need to go for help. We need to go to a pastor or even to a lawyer. If something is going on that is not right, we should pray, yes. But there are times when we have to go to someone and talk about it. It doesn't say anything about that. You have to read the book of Ruth to learn how to make a godly appeal. Because it's how we approach our husbands at times. And there are times that if it is serious, we should make an appeal to get help. After this, we're going to have the testimony from Barbara. The Jezebel Spirit. A wife who wants to be in control is a wife who is in rebellion towards God. God does not look with favor on those who are rebellious towards him. Webster's 1828 Dictionary defines rebellion as open resistance to lawful authority. The Bible says that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. The controlling wife is receiving her guidance from the wrong source and this deception will cost her dearly somewhere along the way. Control takes many forms. We've all seen the women who treat their husbands like little boys who can't speak for themselves. You spend just a few minutes with this type of woman and you'll hear a long list of complaints against her husband. These husbands usually mince behind and say very little. The wife will explain. He doesn't talk much. He wants me to be in charge. I don't agree. I think he gave up years ago. Jezebel was a wife who insisted on being in control. You'll find her story in 1 Kings chapter 21. When her husband Ahab couldn't purchase the vineyard he wanted from a man named Naboth, he came home, went to bed, turned his face to the wall and refused to eat. His wife Jezebel then took over. She said, Arise, eat food and let your heart be happy. I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite. And so she set in motion a wicked plot and had Naboth stoned to death and her husband Ahab took possession of the vineyard. Ahab and Jezebel died terrible deaths foretold by the prophet Elijah and verse 25 makes the point quite well. For there was no one who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the Lord as did Ahab, incited by his wife Jezebel. That's the amplified version. This is an extreme example to be sure, but if we honestly look at ourselves, I think we would see that we have a desire to control. I often wonder what would have happened had Jezebel just left Ahab with his face to the wall, if she had left him to work out his own problems by himself. Might God have spoken to him about coveting another man's land? The desire to control is the basis of rebellion. Again, it is a deceitful spirit because we feel justified in our actions. Our aim is most often to improve on a situation for ourselves or others, but we rarely succeed. But I was only trying to help is the favorite excuse, or I had to because he wouldn't. That seems to be the kind of reasoning Jezebel used. Rebellion or spirits of control are strongholds that Satan has in our life. Francis Frangipane in his book The Three Battlegrounds states, The strongholds that affect us most are those which are so hidden in our thinking patterns that we do not recognize them nor identify them as evil. Any area of our heart or mind that is not surrendered to Jesus Christ is an area vulnerable to Satanic attack. And it is here, uniquely in the uncrucified thought life of the believer's mind, that the pulling down of strongholds is of vital importance. When we discover rebellion toward God within us, we must not defend or excuse ourselves. Rather, we must humble our hearts and repent, exercising our faith in God to change us. Rebellion or a spirit of control manifests itself in different ways, in frowns, sneers, sighs, body language, pretense, silent treatment, or a disrespectful attitude. Can anyone relate? The desire to control is the basis of rebellion. Rebellion or spirits of control are strongholds that Satan has in our lives. The strongholds that affect us most are those which are so hidden in our thinking patterns that we do not recognize them nor identify them as evil. We excuse them away. When we discover rebellion towards God within us, we must not defend or excuse us. Have you ever done that? Have you ever thought, but I had to do that. But if I didn't do that, what would have happened? What's wrong? We must humble our hearts and repent, exercising our faith in God to change us. Now you might be saying, but you don't know my husband. No, I don't know all your husbands well. But I know my God well. And He is mighty. And He is able. And there is no situation that He can't change for His glory. There's going to be a story now, a testimony from Barbara. She can't be here. Zelinsky? So I asked Elizabeth Mung if she would read her testimony. First of all, Barbara asked me to make sure that you all know that what I'm about to read in her testimony was learned through her own real-life experiences. She makes references to the book, The Daughters of Sarah, that helped her. But the things she wants to share with you are things that she has learned personally. And she wants me to thank you for your willingness to be open and share honestly about your struggles and the blessings of submission in your lives. It was that openness that made her realize that she needed to look closely at what was going on in her own heart, and she's grateful for it. So here's her testimony. I'm sorry to miss the sisters' meeting. I was looking forward to being with you and sharing what I learned through the book, Daughters of Sarah. I finally was able to see myself as I was. Oh, I would confess at times that I knew my attitudes toward my husband weren't right, but I thought I was submissive, at least most of the time. I was never really helped to see my sin, to see the way I was, or helped to be different. I never before heard testimonies of sisters facing these same problems, but the testimonies of others spoke to me and showed me that I could get help by sharing the real me. Now, if asked, I would have told you that I never right out disobey my husband. But after reading this book, I realized that I even do that. I needed to repent and take my place as God showed me. And when I take my place, it builds self-confidence in my husband, and he can take his rightful place. My husband always lacked self-confidence. He never seemed to be able to make decisions. Why? There were several reasons. One may have been the Jezebel spirit. Most of the time I didn't give him the opportunity to make a decision because I always had the answer. Maybe he had an answer too, but I always had a better one. Another reason was my impatience. Sometimes my husband doesn't have an answer right away. I needed to learn to wait for an answer unless he asks me for my suggestions. Sometimes I was afraid. Do I want to give my answer first because I fear he won't know what is best? I fear he will mess things up. Or I fear his answer will be different from what I have already decided in my own mind. Maybe I have criticized his answer so much that he is afraid or doesn't have the courage to say what he thinks because it will just be met with criticism anyway. How did Noah ever have the courage to do something so strange as to build an ark on dry ground knowing it would take him 100 years? I'll just say this. He must have had a meek, submissive wife. She must have trusted his judgment. Could I have been Noah's wife and not criticized him? It is not easy for our husbands to make right decisions when they know what they say will be challenged. Here are some examples of how this can happen every day. Husband, could we have breakfast at 6? Wife, I would rather have it at 6.30. Husband, the girls' dresses are getting too short. Could you please work on them? Wife, oh, I don't think it's that bad yet and you'd understand all the work it takes. Husband, I would love to go visiting with the Banners this evening. Wife, please, I am too tired and I have work to do yet. Husband spanks child for whatever reason. Wife tries to explain to him why he shouldn't have done it. Husband, I talked to Paul today and he will be coming up for supper on Friday. Wife, why Friday? That is my wash day. Any other day would have been better. The examples could go on. How much confidence would you have in yourself if you would be the husband? Are we always submitting? I would have said that yes, I was, but after reading The Daughters of Sarah, I realized that a lot of my submission was false submission. An example of false submission is manipulation or obeying and submitting in one area so you can get your own way in another area. An illustration of false submission would be when your husband calls to say that he has to work late and you'll have to cancel the plans you made for the evening. You submit because, of course, you won't go by yourself. But when he comes home, he feels the tension and irritability all evening. Another example of false submission is doing something the way your husband wants it, but doing it grudgingly so that he knows you are not doing it the way you would like to be doing it. The silent treatment can be another example of false submission. My husband might make a suggestion. I make another one. He disagrees, so I'll be quiet. If he talks to me, I'll answer, but only very brief answers and not very cheerfully. I am telling him through my silence that I disagree. As our daughters marry, will they find it easy to submit to their husbands? It depends a lot on us as mothers. The Lord had to break me. I have given the broken pieces to Him to remould me. Thank God that is what He is doing. Pray for me. We need to all pray for Barbara. I want a relationship with my husband that God can use to bless us and our children. This is my prayer for all of you. It sounds like a similar testimony to some of the things I had struggled with, and it seems to be a common thing among us, but it's still not acceptable. When Barbara and I shared before she was given the book, I said, I understand. I know. But you have to change. God will change you. Two years from now will be too late, because it will be two more years that the children are watching and picking up these same things. Now, maybe you don't have a husband. There are some single women here. You need to obey authority, whoever your authority is, in that way. We need to submit to our authority as unto God, not questioning. Listening to the testimony and thinking of Noah. Now, can you imagine if you're Noah's daughter, and you're out there spending all those years helping your dad, and now let's suppose it never rains. Can you support your dad anyway? Can you find good out of it and maybe say, oh, dad, don't worry about it. We had a good time. It was good family time. Look at all the exercise we got. We got good sunshine, vitamin D. It was good. It kept us busy, kept us out of trouble. Or would we be thinking, I told you so, rain. You get this idea. Even if we didn't say it, would we be thinking it? I knew it. I knew it all those years ago. We have to watch our spirit. Noah and his family were saved because he followed what God called him to do. Who knows what he would have done if he had a nagging wife or a controlling wife. Let's make sure we don't hold our husbands back from doing what they're called to do because we don't see the whole plan. But they do. Or maybe they don't see the whole plan, but they know this is the direction they're going. Maybe he comes home and says, wife, I have an opportunity for a transfer at the job. Now, it will mean a little less money and I'll have to travel a little bit farther each day, but I really feel God wants me to take it. Why? Why would you think that? It doesn't sound like it would be God's will. You have to travel farther and take less money. It means more gas, less money. I can't see how that would be God's will. You know what? It doesn't matter if we see it. The point is, God is speaking to our husbands. And even if they get it wrong, even if they didn't hear it right, that's okay. We have to be supporting them. How about if our dad or our father, I mean our husband, is up giving a children's lesson. And maybe it's a little silly, a little corny. Can we watch and just afterwards say, good job dad, the children really enjoyed it. Or are we sitting there thinking, how could he do that? I'm so embarrassed. What are my friends going to think? Look at that. I don't believe he's doing this. And it's being taped. Oh no. We have to watch our attitude. Because if we're thinking that way as daughters, what's going to happen when we have a wife? It doesn't just change. You don't get married and those things just don't fall off. Trust me. We've got to start having our minds renewed. We've got to start seeing how big our God is and trusting that God can work through the one or the ones he has put over us in authority. Okay, we're going to move on now to the critical spirit. Where's Diane? Where's my reader? Oh, there. Yeah, could you come up? I have to add this. When Christine asked me to read this, she opened up the book and right here it says, Criticism. And she asked me to read this. And I just laughed. She felt rather apologetic because she said, no, I didn't pick it because it was for you. And I showed my husband. He laughed too. Anyways, this is a nice chapter for me. A critical attitude towards our husband will totally block our willingness to submit to them. We cannot keep our eyes on the Lord and on another human being at the same time. It is very presumptuous of us to be critical of our husband's decisions or behavior. For this reason, the Lord is in charge of our husbands, saved or unsaved. We have no idea what God is trying to work out in our husband's life or how he might be leading them. For the unbelieving husband is set apart, separated, withdrawn from heathen contamination and affiliated with the Christian people by union with his consecrated set-apart wife from 1 Corinthians 7.14. What we think is a perfectly ridiculous decision or bizarre behavior might be just the thing. I often wonder what Noah's wife thought when he told her he was going to build an ark in their backyard. I wonder how we modern day wives would handle a situation like that. Rain? What's rain? You mean to say you're going to build this thing in our backyard? And you're trying to tell me the Lord told you to do this? I know you. You're just trying to bury yourself in a project so you won't have to mow the lawn or spend time with the children. And how do you think I feel with the neighbors all looking to see what's going on in our backyard? Seriously, how would you respond to something like this? What do you really think about this verse? Meditate on it a bit. It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by calling him Lord, Master, Leader, Authority. And now you are her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you. 1 Peter 3.6 Can you obey your husband to this extent? Probably not if you have a judgmental or critical spirit towards him. Most of the wives I've worked with have a checklist in their heads regarding their husband's behavior. This behavior is okay. That is not so good. But the other behavior is absolutely unacceptable. If you can identify, you're pretty normal. But your house is out of order. You are in authority in your mind over your husband. Even if you never express these things out loud you are suffering and there is torment and discomfort in your mind. Your relationship with your husband is not free and loving. Not all it could be. I remember an incident one time when my husband was at his business 60 miles away. He called me at home to tell me that an official document needed my signature that very day and because of the distance he was going to sign my name to it. I thought this was wrong and I told him so. I was so self-righteous and so insistent that he ended up driving 120 miles round trip to get my signature. I realize now how wrong I was in that situation. My husband is my head and he was the responsible one before God for that signature. Whether it was right or wrong was between him and the Lord and my part was to submit to his decision as unto the Lord and to trust God rather than being critical and judgmental. He wouldn't handle it that way today because he is taking authority. He is the head in our home and I willingly submit to his decisions no matter what I think about them. If we would memorize and live 1 Corinthians 13 4-8 we would not have a problem with criticism. Love endures long and is patient and kind. Love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy. It is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited, arrogant and inflated with pride. It is not rude, unmannerly and does not act unbecomingly. Love, God's love in us, does not insist on its own rights or its own way for it is not self-seeking. It is not touchy or fretful or resentful. It takes no account of the evil done to it. It pays no attention to a suffered wrong. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person. Its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything without weakening. Love never fails, never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end. So much for criticism. There is a story in 2 Samuel 6.14 about when the Ark of the Covenant was returned to Jerusalem. At 2 Samuel 6.14, David was so excited. Finally, it was back in Jerusalem. He was so excited. He took off his kingly robes and he was dancing before the Lord. He was praising the Lord and worshipping Him, dancing around. And his wife was looking through the window and it says she despised Him in her heart. It says, starting at verse 14, and David danced before the Lord with all his might and David was girded with the linen he fought. You could almost... He danced with all his might. He wasn't thinking about who was watching him. He wasn't thinking about anything. He was so caught up in worshipping the Lord. And as the Ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michael, Saul's daughter, David's wife, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord and she despised Him in her heart. Do you think it stayed in her heart? No. It came out. Sometimes we can suppress it. Eventually it's going to come out. It came out and it cost her greatly. Then David returned to bless his household. This is verse 20. And Michael, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet David and said, How glorious was the king of Israel today who uncovered himself today in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovered himself. Mocking him. Verse 23. Therefore, Michael, the daughter of Saul, had no child until the day of her death. Is your spiritual life barren? Do you feel just like you're not getting anywhere? Could it be that our critical spirit is holding us back? Youth, could you be watching your dad dancing outside and not be critical of him? Could we as wives join him or would we be envious or jealous of him and think, I never feel like that. It mustn't be real. It can't be. I never get feelings. I never want to do something like that. He's probably overtired and just delirious or something. No. No, he was worshiping the Lord. And God was accepting it. But his wife wasn't. Do we do that sometimes? When our husband comes home from a leadership conference and he's all excited. Listen to what I heard today. Listen to what the Lord is doing in my life. Do we get envious or jealous? Do we look at him and say, Oh, that's nice. So anyway, honey. No. No. Could we go out there and join him? Could we get excited, even if we don't understand everything that's going on in his life? If our husband has come forward and repented, Oh, I know it's hard as a wife. It's humbling. But can we support that husband when he gets back, when we get back into the van or the car or home? Can we say, Honey, that took a lot of courage. And I want you to know I'm going to be praying especially for you. Or are we just thinking of ourselves? Are we thinking, I can't believe. Now the whole church knows he has that problem. I can't believe he did that. How could he do that? Didn't he think of me? No, no, no. It's so much bigger than that. So much bigger than that. That's the kind of spirit we need. We need to trust God. We're going to turn the corner here and get into some positive things. So if you could give out the papers. These are the verses that I've been so excited about all week. It's the amplified version. Okay, I'm reading it. The pink ones are for the married women. The yellow one is for the children or the youth, young ladies. It says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord as His representatives, for this is just and right. Okay, that's the obedience part. But now we're turning to beyond obedience. God just didn't say obey. Then it goes on, honor. Well, that's got to be different than obey because He used a different word. Let's see what that means. Esteem and value as precious. You're to esteem and value as precious your father and your mother. And then it goes on. This is the first commandment with a promise that all may go well, be well with you and you may live long on the earth. That's the amplified version. Learn that now, children. Memorize it. Put it on your wall, put it on your refrigerator if you're given permission. And learn not only to obey your parents, but to honor them. How do you honor your parents? That's what we hope to learn a little about. Now, for the wives, we have the pink ones. And it's up here. Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. Sisters, if we're doing that, how can we have even time to be critical or to be controlling? If we're putting our energies and our thoughts, how can I honor my husband today? Oh, what can I do that would really bless him? If we're really thinking and meditating on that during the day, and helping our children to honor their father, we're going to have a lot less idle time. So now we're going to go over the words. Hopefully that will give you a little more meaning. We'll start with the word respect. Respect. To consider worthy of esteem. To value. To refrain from interfering with. That's a good one. Respect. I'll read it again. To consider worthy of esteem. To value. To refrain from interfering with. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't have to earn that. We have to give it to him for who he is, for his position. And then it says esteem is in that definition. So since respect means to consider worthy of esteem, I wrote down esteem means to set a high value on. To hold in high regard. Wow. That is beyond obedience. We're to hold him in high regard. Reverence. To have profound respect mingled with love and awe. Awe. When was the last time your husband came home and he said, Oh, it's you. Awe. Awe. This is God's word. Respect. Profound respect. Notices. Okay, so it says, Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him. Notices. To pay polite and favorable attention to. That sounds easy enough. But sometimes I think we're so busy about our day that we don't even notice he came into the room. Notice. That's part of reverencing our husband. Regards. See that she notices him and regards him. Regards. To treat as something of peculiar value or worth. To keep in view. Not necessarily physically, but keeping his wishes and preference in mind. Even when he's not with us. Even when we're picking out material, perhaps. Or our shoes. Keeping in mind. Huh. You know, he didn't... He said he liked that blue. Hmm. I think I'll look for blue this time. It's not a matter of obedience. But I know he likes the color blue. I think I'll get it. Honors. To show high regard or appreciation for. To be a credit to. To adorn. To adorn. Wow. Now if we're going around with a grumpy face, or our countenance is just not shining, we're not adorning our husband at all. Honor. Honor. To show high regard or appreciation. Let's see. Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband. That she notices him. Regards him. Honors him. Prefers him. To value more highly. Than what? Value more highly than what? Than our own will. We prefer to him. We prefer what he wants, rather than what we want. Venerate. To regard with reverential respect, or with admiration and deference, as being hallowed, or as having nobility. He's the king of our home. And we're to treat him that way. Esteem. We did. It's now an esteem him. Deference. A yielding of judgment or preference, out of respect for the position, wish, or known opinion of another. I'll read that one again. Deference. A yielding of judgment or preference, out of respect for the position, the wish, or the known opinion of another. Praise. To honor because of excellence or worth. Again, not because of what he does, but because of who he is. He, our husband, our father, is the image and glory of God. I have a little card that I keep around, and if I find, have a little PMS, or just struggling that day, I keep that verse in my head. He, Ron, is the image and glory of God. I have no excuse for losing patience with him, or for thinking some of the thoughts from my past. I grew up woman's liberation. I heard many things that I won't even repeat, because I don't want to plant them in your head. Your heads. But those things come back once in a while, and I'll think, oh, no, no, no, no, that's a lying spirit. Out of here. And then I get that verse out. Ron is the image and glory of God. Ooh, that gets rid of the other thoughts. Love. To hold dear. To cherish. Cherish. And admire exceedingly. Admire. To esteem or regard highly. Exceedingly. Exceptional in amount, quality, or degree. Greater than is customary. We admire him much more than we admire other things. We just admire him exceedingly. And we let him know it. And we let others know it. We like to honor him sometimes publicly. It's an extra blessing to them. So those are the words. We're going to read the whole verse again. Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband. That she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. Ephesians 5.33, the Amplified Version. That means that not only do we obey what he says. Now maybe he'll say to you, I don't want you to wear whatever style dress. Well, we won't wear it. But we know what he really prefers, but we don't wear that either. See, this is going beyond obedience. And saying, I know he prefers that I wear shoes that have a very low platform. Whatever it is. So when we go shopping, we're maybe tempted to buy something else. We don't. Because he prefers it. And we defer to what he wants. It's not a case of obedience. If we did buy the other, it wouldn't be disobedience, but we would lose out on reverencing our husband. Now I thought it would be nice to open it up to examples of how we reverence our husband or our papa. Those over us in authority. I'll give a couple of examples, but I want specific examples. So that maybe it will get us thinking of other ways. Now remember, what will reverence one person, one husband, might embarrass the other. You know, there are certain things. I mean, Ron and I will walk arm in arm, and we just do that. We're very comfortable with that. In fact, it's hard for us not to do that. But some people that grew up differently, they don't want to do that in public. Okay. You have to know. Again, we have to know our husbands. We have to study them. So that we know. Oh no, that would embarrass him. When I went to that talk, two years ago or so, she talked about how her husband liked his... We were talking about love languages. They spoke about it at the couple's night over in Ephrata. And his love language was physical touch. And so she would be in the kitchen, and he would come home, and she'd say, Hi honey! And that would be it. And she realized that he was feeling a little put off by that. So then she decides, I'm going to make up for this. Now, if you did, don't sue this. This is corny. But it worked for her. So that next day, she decides, I'm going to really get his attention today. And she goes into the closet where he hangs up his coat. And when she opens up the door, and this is a true story, and I know this woman, and if you knew this woman, you'd say, She did that? Really? He opens up the door to put his coat away, and she jumps at him, gives him a big kiss, and, well, he thought this was wonderful. But I wouldn't recommend it for most of us here. But those are the kind of things you can do. Find what works. Now, to some husband, one of the other love languages, and Emanuel preached on it, I think before the churches multiply. No, no, that was the spiritual gifts. The more we know our husbands, and our fathers, and those over us authority, the more we're able to reverence them, and honor them, and bless them. But one of the other things is, some men, like, feel very loved when they receive gifts of, when service, when we serve them. Now, if my husband comes home and decides to do the dishes or something like that to serve me, that's not, I mean, that's nice, it has to be done, but that's not getting any points with love. You know, that's like, oh, thank you. But some people, if a husband would do that, they would feel so loved. Wow, my husband did the dishes, or whatever it is, service. We have to know what is going to really honor our husband. Recently, we had a night called Thank God for Papa Night. And we had a Thanksgiving meal. And we had turkey, we put the Thanksgiving tablecloth out, and we put Thanksgiving candles out. And we had a big sign, Thank God for Papa. And my children got into this, so the little ones made cards, and they helped me get ready. And he came home, and well, he likes a nice cooked meal, so we made a special dessert we had never made before. And he came in, and he could smell all this food going, and oh, wow. And it was Monday. It was a Monday. And usually Monday, that's our lean day, you know. Just getting back to the routine of school. And he came home, and he smelled the food, and came in and saw the sign, and he was blessed. He really was. And all day I was thinking, oh, what can I make? Oh, I know. I'll make that pineapple cake. Oh, yeah, I'll try that. All day I was thinking about him. He was on my mind all day. And the children's too. We had a great celebration. And he said, what's this all for? Nothing. Just wanted you to know we love you. I blessed him. Now, for somebody else, you probably cook like that more often than I do, so it might not have been so special. We've got to find what works for our husbands. Another thing, some people find special names. Now, we started calling my husband Papa King. And we started doing it after the seminar. And we started just calling him Papa, and we called him King. So we would put on his napkin when we set the table. We would put Papa King on it. We had a great time with that. The little ones thought this was great. And I was trying to make up for some of my wrongdoing and get them retrained that this is the king of the house. Showing gratefulness. Do we thank our husbands? They're going out to work or they're working at home. That's a way of reverencing them. Showing them we appreciate what you do for us. Maybe washing their feet. Some of you have washed each other's feet. But have you ever washed your husband's feet? Now, to some they might say, oh, please. That's just, you know. But to someone else, that could be a real blessing. Okay. Don't try it. Please, don't try it. One of the other things we do, we started doing when we moved here. We weren't used to my husband going out for any meetings. And so we came here and brother's meeting came. And so this was very unusual. Daddy wasn't home at night. And so we had a great time making cards. And so when he came home, we kept them, we had them all in the bathroom. Each one of the children had made one and I had made a little note. We've done that every father, every brother's meeting since. And the children, I don't even have to say anything because even little Faith, she'll just say, I'm making a card for Papa. And that will be in the morning of that day, but she'll know. This is brother's meeting day. We make cards. So those are just some real practical ways. And again, keeping in mind his preferences. That's a big one. Maybe he prefers that you wear a bigger head covering. I don't know. Maybe he prefers that you wear longer sleeves. Whatever it is. Don't do it out of obedience. Do it out of love. Do it just to honor him. Go beyond obedience. So now I'll open it up. Does anybody have any examples that you'd like to share? We'll be taking notes. Anybody? Brave enough? There must be somebody. Yes. No? Do you want the microphone? Okay. That's cute. Now listen, don't tell anybody that story so we could all try it. Oh, that's cute. I never heard that one. Does anybody else have one? Sorry? He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And he found her. Elizabeth, would you like to share about the books? Why don't you stand up here. Obey your older sister. I know. That's okay. If I have to do it, you have to do it. First, I want to apologize for the giggles in the back corner. I acquired a new daughter and I think she's enjoying seeing what's happening in our household. You prompted many observations, I think. So our children do notice. That's for sure. They really do. That was the point. I was sharing with Christine some things. We talked a little bit about this topic as she was preparing for it. I shared with her a story, something I went through and she asked me if I would be willing to share it with you. When David and I were married, we took the word obey out of our vows. We said love, honor and cherish, which is a nice word. It wasn't too bad because we treated each other more like equals. I didn't really go around trying to put him down. But I really had a lot of things to learn about submission. So when we were up there on the mountaintop learning about God, I was also learning about submission. One of our favorite pastimes was just to study all the time. We were building and studying and building and studying. He called all the shots. Sometimes if something came up that we wanted to study, we would drop everything and we would just study and talk and study and talk. We all enjoyed it and benefited from it. But after a while, I noticed he wasn't really sharing as much during the studies like he used to. He wasn't just contributing or the dialogue wasn't there. I realized I was doing a lot of that with the children and I wondered about it. I'm not even quite sure how it was revealed to me but he didn't reveal it to me. I noticed that I always got the answers first or I always found the right topic or the right subject. I was way out of line. So one of the things that I did was I put away my books. That's what Christine was talking about. It's beyond obedience. He never asked me. As a matter of fact, David said that one of the things he liked was dialogue when we married. He didn't want me to he wanted me to keep my mind sharp. But I felt that I really just needed to. And to entertain myself, I bought Logic Problem and Crossword Puzzle books and I put away all the theological and doctrinal books. That went on for quite a while. Maybe months. Maybe even more than half a year. And David finally one day said, you know, why don't you talk about anything interesting anymore? And I realized then that maybe I had broken that habit by then. By God's grace, I do try to step back a little bit there. But moving here put our family in a more obvious position. There's people around us coming to see us and bumping into us all the time. And that's fine. There are many blessings to that. But it means that we have a lot of opportunities to do what we like to do best. And that's talk about God and important things together, David and I. And I found out while back up it seemed that the adjustment wasn't just happening the way I thought it should be happening. There was some uncomfortableness that I said it just must be that we're not settling in very well yet. But during the time of fasting and praying here as a church and family I didn't really express it as a specific need because it was just too unidentifiable. But when Emmanuel preached about the sunken gates when we went home I told David that I'd really like to have that be a picture of our home. I thought we were pretty close to being there. So I was a little bit surprised when he told me that there was a problem with that and that was that he felt that I was challenging him in public a lot in our discussions. And that hit me pretty hard but I saw right away and David was very gracious to forgive me and God was very gracious to forgive me and we feel immediately a big freedom there. I didn't know that things like that do slip in so we have to be careful but that's one way I can reverence David is just not to speak so quickly and have all the answers and I told Christine one of the things I have to realize is that he always has a better answer. It always happens but my mouth works a little bit too quickly and I've learned that I have to count sometimes to 10 or 20 or 30 just to give him time sometimes to answer. So I need I think I need to be constantly on guard in that area of my life but that's one way I think I can particularly reverence David beyond obedience. I was just thinking of the process I was going through when I was learning all these things and one of the things I used to do is help my husband get out in the morning. He didn't need my help but I was helping him and I was always one of these people if you have to be at work at 9 o'clock in the morning you get there 8.30 maybe 22 but you get there early. My husband gets to work on time but he wasn't ridiculous like I was you know neurotic about subways getting stuck or the other things that could happen in New York City. So what I had to do in the morning now this is a process I had to stop coming down in the morning when he was leaving for work. Now you might say that is ridiculous Christine. Yeah. But that was my first step. I knew I wasn't ready yet to be down there and not rush him along. And I shared that with one assistant and she said you should be able to be there. I said yeah I know but I'm not. And so during that time while he's down there getting ready for work I go upstairs and I pray or I just do whatever I'm doing but at least I'm not rushing him anymore. And after a while I I was able to be down there again and to not have any idea what time it was. I don't even look anymore. And if he when he leaves he leaves. And then September 11th came and we all know what happened September 11th with the World Trade Center you know that some of the men who were late for work their lives were saved. That next day I said to my husband whoo I will never rush you anywhere again. It could save your life. But what I'm trying to say is this is a process. Don't expect to 1, 2, 3 have it all together. I didn't. I still don't. I still make mistakes often. I say, honey I can't believe I did that. I'll say it right in the van. I did it again. Honey, I'm wrong. Children, I was wrong. I shouldn't have said that. Sometimes the children will try to defend me. Yeah, but mommy no, I was wrong. I was wrong. Sunday mornings I have no idea what time it is. I have the breakfast ready I do the girl's hair I have to help the girls with dress that need help. I don't know what time it is. I'll just say to my husband just give me a couple minute warning so I can you know get ready to go out. I don't even look anymore and if we're late we're late. You know and you know what we haven't been late and it's been more peaceful. Instead of big Ben over here honey, we have 20 minutes. You almost finished? You're going to take a fast shower, right? You know there's only one bathroom. It's terrible. It's humiliating. But that was me that was me but that is why I started off with my airline experience. That's how I was able to get those planes out so fast. It was just the skill I had. I was able to get them out and I thought well I'm helping them using my gift to get family out to church. No. I say he doesn't need my help and when he does need my help he'll ask me. Anyway does anyone have another story before we close? Come on there's some creative women here. I did not want to come up here but I guess if you don't get anybody else I'll just share something I learned and this wasn't my original idea but I read it somewhere how to respect your husband is to always meet him when he comes home and that is not just to stop what you're doing and look over your shoulder and say hello but to drop what you're doing and walk over to the door and open the door for him or even sometimes go out to his vehicle and open the door and I have sort of foolish things but sometimes I've even run out and I never feel very good about myself when I do because I'm not small and petite I feel kind of gangly when I run out but I just know that somehow it makes him know that I am truly truly glad to have him come home and it doesn't matter how insecure I feel I know that it makes him happy in his heart and one thing about doing what I'm not sure you were saying something about not being able to go the whole way immediately when you get new light and I read in a book recently that was very interesting to me if you're one of the women that happens to say well or but or the first step is just to learn first of all how to keep your mouth shut you don't have to say oh wonderful because you can't immediately and one of the next nights after I learned that was just to be quiet and once you've totally conquered that then just start saying one letter one word like sure or okay just whatever word that works for you and I had that happen to me one of the next nights Daniel called home from work and he said he's going to be home later I forget what he was no I think he asked me if I was willing to do something and I hate making phone calls and that's one thing that I've learned already that I have to reverence him in just doing his phone calls once in a while and I'm not sure if that was what it was but just having read that to say sure just one word makes the world of a difference and you can surely get one word out so that helps that's one of the ways I figured off about the phone call when my husband asked me to do something and he's not a demanding man at all sometimes I say honey tomorrow could you call whatever and I make sure that's the first thing I do if nothing else gets done I'm going to do it and I'm going to let my children know I'm doing it so there'll be a note on the counter where we eat breakfast and it will say call such and such and I'll say to the children oh it's nine o'clock I've got to call Daddy asked me to call so can you do no no I can't do that right now I've got to call for Daddy I want to do this for Daddy and maybe it takes a little time you get it all done and you say ok now I can do what you want me to do but we put him first and let him know it let the children see it the other thing is my husband usually calls at lunch time and he usually calls when he gets into work at that time I don't make any calls and if I get a call I try to get off quickly it's just a little thing but he knows and I'll say sometimes somebody will call just at that time and I think it's him and I'll grab the phone and it won't be him and when he calls a few minutes later I'll say oh I'm sorry I tried not to be on the phone it was just a quick he knows I clear that time for him it's just a little thing but it means a lot to him I'm sure if it wasn't for this microphone you'd all find other things to share does anybody oh good good you want to stay there ok one thing my husband has told me that he loves when I do is that since he works at home I can go out to him and he just loves when I you know I'm very busy in the house but he just loves when I just come out to him he's building the greenhouse or whatever and I just come out there and just stand around with him for 5 or 10 minutes and he just loves it every time he thanks me for it and I try to try to keep that on my list for every day to make sure I get out there to him well we're going to close up but before we do don't go home feeling oh no how am I going to do this the first step is recognize it as sin as rebellion and go to God you've sinned not only against your husband or your father those over you in authority you've sinned against God go to him first go to your husband or your father confess it as sin first step what I did then go to your children and I asked my husband for help honey this is new I need your help could you pray for me when I'm struggling honey I have a feeling if I start talking I'm going to say something I shouldn't honey could you please pray for me get an accountability partner how many people have the accountability partners you know where you call up where you check once a week do any of your sisters have it there's two of us anybody else come on it's really it's easy we do it on the phone doesn't take that long if you're serious about wanting change in your life you might need to be accountable to someone this is serious this is sin and this is holding back the men they have visions they have dreams they have plans and if we're not there to support them and to help them they're not going to go as far as they could go don't let another day go by this is serious let's get it together now get an accountability partner get someone try it for a month and just say even if it's just in this area are you having your devotion time are you meeting with the Lord during that time are you memorizing the scripture that will help you perhaps help you to reverence your husband don't let this just be oh yeah, that was nice no, this isn't nice this is serious this is serious if it means memorizing scripture get that scripture renew your mind with the word of God maybe you need spiritual warfare maybe you have a spirit of control or a the Jezebel spirit or a the critical spirit and you might need some spiritual warfare in your life it's available we're blessed go to your husband he'll know for who to take you to go to one of the first people in ministry somebody else that you know would be able to help you in this area don't let it go but also remember we'll end on this verse and I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten from Joel thank God for his restoration he restores when we obey he restores when we repent turning from our sin calling it sin and turning from it if it means humbling yourself publicly do it nothing is worth staying in our sin trust me it will actually become exciting when I was writing here tonight realizing that in 15 minutes from now it's almost 9 o'clock my husband was going to decide whether we were going to get this house or not and I don't care which way it goes I mean I want the house but I know he's going to make the right decision and I let him know that and he said oh thank you that means more to him and more to me than getting that house