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Anchoring Your Family in Christ for the Next One Hundred Years
Steve Farrar

Steve Farrar (October 30, 1949–February 19, 2022) was an American Christian preacher, author, and founder of Men’s Leadership Ministries, renowned for his focus on equipping men to be spiritual leaders in their families and churches. Born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, to Ralph and Helen Farrar, he grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah, before moving to California. He earned a B.A. in Speech Communication from California State University, Fullerton, a Master’s from Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon, and a Doctor of Ministry from Dallas Theological Seminary, where his dissertation on men’s needs shaped his bestselling book Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family (1990). Farrar pastored for 15 years in the 1970s and 1980s before founding Men’s Leadership Ministries in 1990, later serving as Associate Pastor of Men’s Ministry at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas. Farrar’s preaching emphasized biblical masculinity, family leadership, and finishing the Christian race well, themes central to his 20+ books, including Finishing Strong, King Me, and a revised Point Man (released posthumously in 2022). He spoke at over 600 men’s conferences, including Promise Keepers, and taught a weekly men’s Bible study in Dallas for over 20 years, reaching thousands in person and online. Known for his candor, humor, and scriptural fidelity, he addressed cultural challenges to manhood with practical wisdom. Married to Mary for 44 years, he had three children—Rachel, John, and Josh—and seven grandchildren. Farrar died unexpectedly at home near Dallas in 2022 at age 72, leaving a legacy of inspiring men to lead with courage and faith.
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Sermon Summary
In this sermon, the speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the times we live in as leaders in the church and in our families. He uses the example of the sons of Issaacar who had discernment about their times and knew what Israel should do. The speaker also highlights the challenges of our current times, where truth is no longer considered essential. He encourages leaders to navigate through the fog of moral confusion by setting a strong example of following Christ and being committed to their families.
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I am going to do, I am not going to do what is listed. So if that's what you wanted to hear, honestly, feel free to go to another deal. And I'm going to tell you why I'm not going to do it, because I don't want to do it. And I don't think I'm supposed to do it. The problem is, and Stu will tell you this, when you, and you guys have had this happen, you'll speak somewhere and, you know, nine months, a year out, let's say, now, what's your topic? Well, I don't even know where I'm eating lunch that day. How would I know what my topic should be in a year? I mean, you know what I'm saying? I have no, how do you know what the Holy Spirit wants you to say a year from now? So I always, I always give the title, The Great Mystery. And they go, The Great Mystery. And I go, yeah. And they go, wow, that really sounds interesting. And I'm thinking, yeah, it's interesting to me. But that's usually all they want is a title. But these guys wanted a title and a description. So I was dead. So I went ahead and gave them this, the whole time thinking, I'm not sure if I'm going to do this. And about two weeks ago, I thought, I don't think I'm going to do this Deuteronomy 6 thing, but maybe I will. And then two days ago, I knew for sure I wasn't going to do it. So, okay, we're going to go a different direction. And I'll tell you why we're going to do it. We're going to go a different direction. I think what we have in here today, we have a group of leaders. We're different kinds of leaders. We have different gifts. We have different ministry responsibilities. Some of us are full time. Some of us are pastors. Some of us work for a living. That was a joke, a little humor there. Some of us are in our first church. Some of us are getting ready to, we're actually thinking about retirement in a few years. We're at different places of life. Some of us have young kids. Some of us have older kids. Some of us, our kids are out. But we're all leaders. We're different kinds of leaders. What we have right now is a leadership crisis. We obviously have it outside the church, but we really have it inside the church. And leadership is everything. Leadership has always been everything. There is such a thing as genuine leadership, but then there is something that I call synthetic leadership. I, when I was doing my dissertation at Dallas Seminary in 87, and I had this desire to do it on men because when I was pastoring, I always talked to the men because I always felt like men were strategic. I like what Joe Aldrich said a long time ago. I heard Joe said, Joe said, all of God's people are precious, but not all of God's people are equally strategic. And he's absolutely right. And it seemed to me that if I could get the men, that about 90% of my counseling would be taken care of. If we could get the men in sync and help the men understand what it means to be a man and what it means to be a spiritual leader. But most guys don't know what it means to be a spiritual leader because if their dad wasn't a spiritual leader, they don't have a clue what it looks like. It'd be like picking us up and sending us to England and say, we need you guys to substitute for the United States cricket team. Here, put these on. Remember the first time, Mark, you went out for football practice and they hand you those pads? I mean, you're a kid, so you don't want to act like you don't know, where does that pad go? If you've never seen hip pads, you're not quite sure where they go. You see, that's the way cricket is. That's the way male leadership is. That's the way leadership is. When I did that dissertation on male leadership, you know, you've been through this. You got to go look at the literature to see what's out there. So on leadership, I found, they wanted a definition. I found 165 different published definitions of a leader. What was interesting is that they were all very good. Every single one of them was worthwhile. It was sort of like they hit it, leadership from different angles and different nuances. Sort of like looking at a diamond, you know, when you went in there to buy that engagement ring and you didn't have a clue what you were doing, but they are telling you all this stuff that may or may not be true, but they would show you that diamond with a black velvet background and, you know, they kind of looked at it and the cut and all that. That's the way leadership is. All these definitions came from different angles. The best one, the best one I found out of 165, not surprisingly, came from Dr. Howard Hendricks, the master communicator. Here's what Dr. Hendricks, here's how he defined a leader, and you might want to write this down. This is worth its weight in gold, I think. Dr. Hendricks said this. He said a leader is someone who leads. Now, don't let the simplicity of that fool you. We have a lot of people that are confused about leadership. Let me say a word about synthetic leadership, first of all. Synthetic leadership looks like the real thing, but it isn't. Synthetic leadership is overly concerned with titles and positions, but titles and positions don't make you a leader. You are only a leader if you lead, right? Yeah. I was at a luncheon in Dallas, I don't know, maybe eight years ago now, and a guy handed me a business card that was the single most impressive business card I have ever seen in my life. He had more titles on that business card. He had more positions listed on that business card. He was chairman, he was founder, he was president, he was chief executive officer, he was managing partner, and over, it said, and you flip it over and then down the other side. I'm exaggerating, but I've never seen someone with so many titles of leadership, as impressive as his card was, as many titles as he had, that guy is only a leader if he leads. Synthetic leadership always looks good. Synthetic leadership always makes a good first impression. The classic example of a synthetic leader was Saul. He had the title, right? King, couldn't get much better than that. And he looked like a leader. If Saul were to walk in here, we would all be attracted to him, because he stood head and shoulders above everybody else, probably had those chiseled good looks. The guy just looked like a leader. But the problem with Saul was, he didn't have the heart for leadership, because every time his leadership was tested, he miserably failed the test. Why? Because he didn't have a heart for leadership. Leadership is always an issue of the heart, always, as Christianity is an issue of the heart. And you shall love the Lord your God with 40% of your heart, right? Is that what it says? You shall love him with what? All your heart. It's an issue of the heart. Why is leadership an issue of the heart? Because out of the heart comes such things as integrity and character. Well, you know the story. Saul being a synthetic leader, at one point God said, that's it. He's done. He takes the role of a priest. So God's going to find someone else to be the leader. He goes and finds this kid, David, of whom later he would be described as a man after God's own what? Heart. It's always an issue of the heart. David is on the run from Saul in 1 Chronicles 12. Why is he on the run? Why is he at Ziklack? Because whenever a synthetic leader runs into an authentic leader, whenever a synthetic leader runs into a genuine leader, they are intimidated and they are threatened. Here's the thing about genuine leaders. Genuine leaders don't need a title. Genuine leaders don't need a position. Genuine leaders just lead out of the power of their life. You follow me as I follow Christ. That's it. But Saul was threatened, so he's trying to kill David. So in 1 Chronicles 12, we've got David at Ziklack, and here's what's happening. Because he's a real thing, you've got men from all over Israel coming to join him. Because they believe in this guy, they believe God's got his hand on this guy. So you've got a listing in 1 Chronicles 12 of all these men that came to be with David. And you get into 1 Chronicles 12 and 1 and 2, it talks about the sons of Benjamin, these great warriors. They're skilled with the bow and arrow. They're skilled with the sling. Now David wasn't bad with the sling, but these guys were unbelievable. Because it says in 1 Chronicles 12, 1 and 2, about the sons of Benjamin. They were skilled with the right and the left. Normally, if you get wounded in battle in your primary arm, you're done. But not those guys. They got wounded in the right, they just pick it up with the left. They could go either way. You got this listing, 1 Chronicles 12, all the way down. And then you get to verse 32, and you know the text. It says, and the sons of Issachar were men who understood the times and knew what Israel should do. Now here's what I want to do. That was my introduction. Here's where we're going. What I want us to do in the three hours that we have left, what I want us to do, we've all got stuff that's right here. This thing's about over. It's time to think about plane flights when you get home. If the babysitter actually showed up, or if your kids have been by themselves for three days. Issues like that. You're thinking right here. You got issues. You're going to get back in the ministry tomorrow. So you're starting to re-enter. And you're overwhelmed with all this stuff. And we got this stuff right here. What I want us to do here for just a little bit, I want to take a step back from right here. And I want to look at the big picture. As leaders. Leaders in this culture. Leader in the church of Jesus Christ. And what I want us to do is for a little bit, I want us to become sons of Issachar. They understood their times. We need to understand our time. Because these are the times in which we are called to lead. Those sons of Issachar had two things. I think number one, I think they had, I think they had discernment. They understood their times. Because it's not 1955 anymore, is it? And you know what? It's not even 1990 anymore. Someone had to walk up to you 10 years ago and said, www.com. What would you have thought? You know, who let this guy out of the home? What does that mean? www.com. The only guys who knew what that meant were a bunch of nerds that are fabulously wealthy today. Right? But you didn't know what that meant. Now everybody knows what it means. We don't even give a, we don't even, commercials now. It's just www.com. See, these are our times. We have to understand our times. Because these are the times in which we're leading. Men of Issachar had discernment about their times. Let me tell you something else they had about their times. They had vision for the times in which they were leading. They understood the times and they knew, they knew what Israel should do. Someone once asked Helen Keller if there was anything worse than being blind. She said, yes. Having sight but no vision. Vision is critical for a leader. I want, here's what I want to do. I want to make three observations about our times because these are the times in which we're leading. We're leading family, we've got kids, we've got grandkids. And the issues are different today than they were even five years ago. Here's the other deal. I want us to be men of Issachar about our times because we're leaders in the church. And the church is changing so quickly. The church is supposed to change and influence the world. But what is happening is the world is changing and influencing the church. That's why we're having this conference. Because we as a body of Christ have not influenced them. They have influenced us. So we need to talk about this. What are we up against? What are we dealing with now? What's coming down the pike? So let me make three observations about our times. Okay. And see if this doesn't sink. See if this doesn't resonate a little bit with you. And let's just kind of see where we go with this thing. Here's observation number one. In our times, the foundations are being destroyed. In our times. Now that's significant. You know the verse in Psalm that says, if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? The most important part of any structure is the foundation. That's true of a building. You know, Mark Mitchell here, he pastors a church where I used to pastor and my brother used to pastor. So I haven't seen Mark for a while. His wife Lynn. This is his old home. We're having a great time here. And Mark has gotten real old since I've seen him. Great to see you. I'm glad you're breeding, Mark. It's wonderful to see you. But you know there, you come out Foster City Boulevard, where we used to live, this developer built three high-rise condos around this small lake. And nice looking complex. He put the first one up and it was sold out within weeks of being completed. He put the second one up and it was sold out before they got it done. The third tower went up identical to the other two, but it was vacant for almost two years. You know why? On the day that they poured the foundation, the trucks came over from Oakland. Somehow the ratios got off on the concrete mix and there was more sand than there was gravel. Now not enough for anyone to notice. Later they realized the mistake and it took them almost two years and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars to fix that weakened foundation. They had to fix it because there's nothing more important than the foundation. That's true of a building. That's true of a family. Unless the Lord builds the house, they who labor, labor in vain. That's true of a nation. We're fortunate to live in this nation. There has not been a nation in the history of the world blessed as we have been blessed. Why have we been blessed in the way that we have been blessed? I would submit to you because of our foundation. I was flying to New York or something last year. I'm reading a book about the pilgrims. You've read about these guys. They're unbelievable. They were committed to Christ. They refused to let their culture influence them. They wanted to influence their culture. So as a result, they became highly unpopular. Before they ever came to America, they were exiled in Holland for 12 years. You know their story, how difficult. God put them in the iron blast furnace of affliction in Holland to get them ready for the real heat they were going to encounter here. But he forged their character. An opportunity came up. They got on this little ship called the Mayflower. They went below deck, stayed there for 11 weeks. Next time you're on a volleyball court, think of them because there are over a hundred of them crammed in an area the size of a volleyball court. When they got here, they really didn't have much. They had the clothes on their back. They had a little seat, a few tools, but virtually they had the clothes on their back and they had a Bible. And that was it. But you know what? That was enough. And what they began to do was they began to sit down rebar and they began to pour concrete to lay the foundation for a new nation that has been blessed more than any other nation in the history of the world. I have a question for you. How come no one on your street is picking up their family and moving to Iraq? Why? How come nobody's going to Cuba that you know? How come on our baseball team plays Cuba, our guys don't defect? How come? You want to know why? Because we have a different foundation than Cuba. We have a different foundation than Iraq. But in our time, in our time, the foundation that was so carefully poured by the Pilgrims, then by the Puritans. I did a book in my briefcase that I'm reading on the Puritans right now and their view that they were called by God to come here. They knew it. Read Marshall's stuff. You've seen all that jazz. They knew they were called by God to come here and they were. And so what did they do when they showed up? With our earliest documents, they made compacts. They made covenants. They made covenants with one another and with almighty God. And then our, so our laws began to reflect that. That's why it's great to take your kids to D.C. if you ever get a chance. Go to D.C. because scriptures everywhere in Washington, D.C. Now they would have removed it, but it's chiseled in marble. They can't, you can't remove it. It's everywhere. You see, but we got revisionist history, so we don't teach that to our kids anymore. But see, the greatness is because of the nature of the foundation. But in our times, the foundations are being destroyed. See, up until about 40 years ago, if you went to law school, you had to study Blackstone's commentaries. And Blackstone would give the law, then he'd give the scriptural references which were the foundation of the law. And you had to study the Book of Romans. You went to law school, you had to study Romans because it's the classic illustration. It's the ultimate illustration of a reasoned argument. So you study the Book of Romans. You see, certain things were foundational, but in our times, in our times, the foundations are being destroyed. And please understand, I'm not just talking about the nation because it's happening in the nation. I'm talking about within the church of Jesus Christ. The foundations are being destroyed. In essence, in essence, this conference could be boiled down to the fact that we're discussing what Scripture says when you get into Genesis 2.18. I mean, that's really where it starts. And we got this debate, you know, about the guy, about Adam, and about his wife, and you know, helper. Well, not helper. I mean, that's like, you know, you don't want to call her helper. I mean, God called her helper. And God refers to Himself as a helper, but that still doesn't cut it. You see, so we got a, see, we got a problem right off the bat in Genesis 2.18. But why do we have a problem with Genesis 2.18? Because we got people in the church that don't believe Genesis 1. See, if you don't believe Genesis 1, and most Christian colleges don't, by the way. See, we're getting down to it now, aren't we? See, why, why would we submit to 2.18 when we don't submit to Genesis 1? You see, that's why we got a problem with 2, and we got a problem with 3. You know, in actuality, you got evangelicals that really don't take Genesis seriously until you get to Genesis 12. I mean, think about that. The stuff that's being taught, and even Genesis 12. We got a problem with that. Because God called Abraham, hey, I want to make this covenant with you, and I want to, you know, the land, to feed the blessing, I want to bless you, to send it. But see, that's wrong, because God doesn't know the future. Right? You're in this open theism stuff, coming out of Bethel Seminary, Clark Pinnock, you know, you hear this stuff? It's coming, and it's sweeping. God doesn't know the future. Well, okay, well, then Genesis 12 is gone. How the heck could he make a covenant with Abraham about the future? Anyway, see, in our time, the foundations are being destroyed. Now, the question is, how much further are we going to go? In the church, how much further are we going to go? All right, you got my drift. Let's go to the second observation. How else can I encourage you? Huh? Good night. Well, here's the second thing. In our time, oh, hold on, before I do number two, let's talk about this. I grew up in California, and I've been in a lot of earthquakes. I mean, a whole bunch. But the biggest earthquake hit when I was in college in the 60s. It wasn't a literal earthquake, it was a philosophical earthquake, a moral earthquake. Usually, an earthquake hits, and there'll be aftershocks. So, the aftershocks diminish. This earthquake that hit in the 60s, the aftershocks are still with us, and they're not diminishing, they're getting stronger. Because you see, up until the 60s, and a guy like Allan Bloom, the former scholar at University of Chicago, who wrote The Closing of the American Mind, died a few years ago. Bloom, not a Christian, a Jewish man, talked about America, what was great about America. He said, why was America great? In essence, he said, America was great because every home had a Bible. That Bible represented the moral code of that family, that Bible represented the thinking, it represented the values of that family. And in essence, even if the family didn't have a personal relationship with Christ, that Bible represented their morality and what they believed to be true. So, they believed in something called moral absolutes. They believed that God gave the law to Moses on Sinai, he brought it down, it became the basis of Western Judeo-culture. So, your average American, for several hundred years, believed in the Ten Commandments. They believed that certain things were right, they believed certain things were wrong. Why? Because God said so. That was the moral climate. You see, back then, the foundations were strong. But, here's the deal. In the 60s, this new thing came through called moral relativism. You know, you know all about this. Basically, moral relativism says there is no absolute creator, therefore, there is no absolute truth, therefore, you can do anything you want. So, if someone says, well, that may be wrong for you, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for me. We've all heard this. My daughter goes to Biola University out in Los Angeles. And last spring, I was going out there to do a week of teaching. And I got in real late, got to the hotel about midnight, and I called Rachel and she said, Dad, chapel's at 9 30. Why don't I come by and pick you up at 10 to 9? I said, that's great. I was exhausted, so I hit the sack. I started to hit, you know, adjust the alarm, set the alarm, but it was flashing 12. I didn't have time to mess with it, so I just called down to get a wake-up call. I went right to sleep. Woke up, didn't have a clue where I was. Figured it out, oh yeah, I get it, okay. I looked at my watch, and it was 8 30. I thought, man, I got to be downstairs at 15 20. So, I jumped in the shower, I thought, why didn't I get a wake-up call? I'm just, I'm hustling, you know, to get down. I got there in time. Now, I knew Rachel wouldn't be there at 10 to 9. It's sort of a genetic issue from the other side of the family. Rules of men and women, you know, anyway, all right. But I figured she'd come rolling about 9. I'm standing there at 9. She's not there. 5 after 9. She's at 10 after 9. I'm thinking, Rachel, I got to be there. I mean, I'm a little upset. In fact, I was hacked off, to tell you the truth. 10 after 9, she, no sign of her. I asked the guy over here, excuse me, sir, what time do you have? He looked at his watch and said, it's 10 after 7. And I would have said, no, no, it's 10 after 9. And he'd say, no, it's 10 after 7. And I would say, well, it may be 10 after 7 to you. But that doesn't mean it's 10 after 7 to me. Now that's ludicrous. Because just as God has fixed time, absolutely. So God has fixed morality, absolutely. And I'm going to tell you something. You can't change it. You can't do a referendum. You can't do a vote. Your general counsel can't change it. Now you can mess around with it if you want. But you're wrong. Because he's fixed it. That's why the foundations are being destroyed. Let's go to the second thing. In our times, truth is no longer essential, is it? No. My son John's a senior in high school. We recently went to traffic court. We go there often. We walk in and they go, John, how you doing? Come on in. Let's just see what we got ready for. Anyway, John's a seasoned ticket holder there. We go in. What are we doing here? Am I losing this? All right. We walk in. We walk in and we're waiting our turn. And we go up before the judge finally. And the judge is looking at his notes. And he says, John, I see here that you have three tickets. And John said, no, your honor, I have four. And the judge, he looked at John and he said, John, you shouldn't have told me that. And I stepped in and I said, no, your honor, you should have told you that. I'm trying not to raise a Bill Clinton here. That's what I said. And I'm not making a joke. Now Crawford and I are buddies. And I know Crawford said it, but I'm not joking. See, the judge said you shouldn't have told me that. No, he should have told you that. Right? Because truth is essential. And whenever I say that, some people get upset. You know, you shouldn't talk about, you shouldn't say that about Clinton. Well, why not? My gosh, why not? And some people get offended that I would. And why are you offended that I would say that? Listen, I'm trying not to raise Bill Clinton. Aren't you? I'm trying to do better than that. See, I'm trying. Well, you know what I'm trying to do? I'm trying to raise. Now, my daughter's pretty much gone, but I'm trying to raise two teenage boys. I hope, I hope that when they become married male adults that they'll go to church and I hope they carry their Bibles to church. But I'm gonna tell you something. I'm trying to raise them to carry a Bible, but to not lie to their wife and to not lie to their daughter and to not lie to those whom they serve. And I'm trying to raise them so that they won't carry a Bible and have sex with some 23-year-old chick. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't say a word about him if he didn't carry a Bible, but he does. And when he carries his Bible, you know what he's trying to do? He's trying to associate with the Lord Jesus Christ. He's trying to associate with the church of Jesus Christ. I'm gonna tell you something. He's a member of Emanuel Baptist Church in Little Rock. Let me make sure this is on. Okay. They should have put his tail out of that church a long time ago, but they didn't do it. Why not? I'm gonna tell you why. Because truth is no longer essential. I'm not talking about the world that's been that way all the time. In the church, truth is no longer essential. What do you do for brothers in sin? What does the Word of God say? And you know, when all else fails, read the directions. Right? What is it to have brothers in sin? What do you do? You go to him. If he listens to you, you want him. If he doesn't listen to you, what do you do? Go get a couple other guys. You know that verse we always use at prayer meeting when nobody shows up? Oh Lord, we know we're two or three together. Hey, listen. When you got one, he's there. You don't need two or three for him to be there. You know that verse. It's in the context. You go to this guy, he won't listen to you. You go and get two or three others. So I go to you two guys and say, this guy over here, you know, we know him and he's all messed up. And he's, we got to go talk to him and talk to him about his sin to turn him back. And you go, oh yippee, I've always wanted to do that. No, nobody wants to do that. Why? Because we don't want to what? Judge. Well, judge not, lest ye be judged. Yeah, but what's the rest of it say? Before you judge, take the two by four that's out of your eye before you go take the sliver that's out of your brother's eye. The scripture doesn't, listen, the scripture says that we are to judge those in the church, doesn't it? Read 1 Corinthians 5. Matthew 18 is saying the same thing as Galatians 6.1. Brethren, if any of you are caught in any trespass, let those who are spiritual, restore such one in a spirit of gentleness, looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. So you get to 1 Corinthians 5. There's a guy living with his father's wife, whatever she is. He's living, pagans don't even do that. Paul says, remove the wicked man from your midst. Paul says, what do I have to do later? He says, what do I have to do with judging outsiders? The obvious answer is nothing but those in the church we judge. Let's see, truth is no longer essential. So we have churches that are weak and sick and cancer ridden. So some guy, chairman of the board, you know, Joe Evangelical, chairman of the board, he teaches Sunday school, he's been through Bible study fellowship, he went to promise keepers, he bought a hat. I mean this guy, he's got the whole thing. But he hits his midlife crisis, so he, you know, he gets involved with some guy, he sits next to him in the choir and gets emotional, but he gets sexually involved. He leaves his wife, abandons his kids, and what do we do? What do we do? Nothing. You know what? I'm sick and tired of that. This is being taped. So I'm very close to a situation where that's happening right now, and I'm watching what this guy has done. He has just, he has killed his family. And you know, and then he transferred his letter. You know what? I'd like to take that letter and cram it down that sucker's throat in the name of Jesus. You know what I'm saying? Does that not hack you off some? You know, I'm going to tell you something. We are feminizing the church of Jesus Christ. And understand how I mean it. I'm talking to guys. We have, the other day when Robert was up there talking about when those four guys beat up his boy, and then Robert went and met with the dad, met with the boys, and then everybody was with him. Oh, that's good. That's good. You're supporting him. And then Robert pulled up with his boy next to those four boys and said, listen, if you touch him again, we're coming after you. We're going to hunt you down. You know what happened when Robert came down? I said, did you sense the audience? You lost them. You did. You know why? Because the church has been feminized. We don't think that's spiritual. We don't think it's spiritual for a man to be aggressive. We don't think it's spiritual to judge sin. We don't think it's spiritual for a man to protect his family. We're feminizing boys in the church because we take, read Stephen Clark's book, Man and Woman in Christ, on feminization. We take certain traits like aggressiveness, aggressiveness, courage, boldness. Paul said, pray for me that I might have what? Boldness. We take courage, aggressiveness, boldness. You put those up against sensitivity, gentleness, vulnerability. Now, are all those good? Absolutely. They're all good. You know what we tend to do in church? We take sensitivity, gentleness, and vulnerability, and we raise those and elevate those over aggressiveness, boldness, and courage. And that's wrong. What we should do is use the appropriate trait in the appropriate situation. Right? Could Jesus be gentle? You bet. The Lord's near to the broken heart, and he saves those who are crushed in spirit. And we've all been crushed. And he comes right alongside, and he ministers to us. Gently, doesn't he? Because that's what we need. That's the appropriate characteristic for that situation. What about when there's sin in the church? What do we do? We back off. We punt. Somebody's threatening your wife. What do you do? See, and we confuse. We confuse little boys growing up. Single mothers have to be very careful raising little boys because they don't understand little boys. You can put an innate fear in a little boy of getting hurt, and you'll feminize him. Because I'm going to tell you something. Little boys are supposed to grow up to be men, and men are supposed to get hurt. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus loved us enough to get hurt for us. I'm going to love my wife in the way that I will get hurt for her if it kills me, I'll stand for her. But if I have an innate fear of getting hurt, then you know what? It robs me of masculinity. You see? Why? Because truth is no longer essential. When I was a kid, my mom had these women's magazines. What time is this thing over? Anybody know? No, that's right. Seriously, what time is it over? 3.45. And we're on central time? Yes. Okay. No, yes. Yeah, that's right. Anybody hot in here? I'm telling you, I'm starting to get a tan in here. Yeah, all right. I get to keep those doors open. When I was a kid, my mom had these women's magazines, and on the back of them, there were these ads for Brecht shampoo. Anybody remember this? The Brecht girl, it was a portrait, and this gal, her hair was always so lustrous and shiny. You know? Just kind of. I remember going with my mom to a Christian bookstore. I'm just a little kid. I walked into this Christian bookstore, and I see this picture of Jesus kneeling at a rock, and I looked at that, and Jesus' hair looked just like the Brecht girl. And he had real soft hands, and he had a flawless complexion. It was one of these, you know, I thought, I remember that. I can remember that was yesterday. I went, I mean, I just, I remember, just looked at it. It was kind of weird. Let me tell you something. When Jesus went into the temple to protect his Father's glory, as John was saying last night, he did it for the glory of God, you know. When he went into the temple, they didn't say, look at his hair. Did they? What did they say? He said, let's get the heck out of here. Because what was the appropriate response there? Aggressiveness, courage, and boldness. That was appropriate in that sense. But see, we don't teach, we don't teach truth anymore. We don't teach the whole council. I'm not talking about outside the church. I'm talking about inside the church. Thank you. You know, we're in trouble. We're in trouble. On this issue, we're in trouble. And there's not, listen, it's not only the truth is no longer essential, there's even lying going on. If you guys heard Wayne Grudem steal on Kephalli, if you didn't hear that, get the tape. Because probably the preeminent interpretation upon which this equality movement, and that's even the wrong term for it, but this kind of, this feminist movement is built upon, doesn't exist. And you know, in academia, they don't, they're polite and all, but listen, somebody's lying. Kephalli doesn't mean source. Never has, never will. You know what happens? Truth is no longer essential. So here's what we do as evangelical. What we do is we come to the scripture, what we don't like, we change. And we'll even lie about it. Because you see, it's not essential. We put ourselves over the Bible rather than putting the Bible over us. I was invited last year, I don't know, about six months ago. There's a church up north and they're a secret church and they're growing like crazy. And you know, they're about three years old and they're figuring, they're going to decide whether to have women elders or not. So they brought in one of the key spokesmen on the other side and he did his deal. And then they brought me in a couple of weeks later to meet with their elders and a bunch of lay people that were key people. So I was introduced, I got up and I looked at them and I said, well, my subject today is whether or not your church should ordain homosexuals. Now they didn't like that. They didn't like it at all. And it kind of went downhill from there. I mean, they didn't appreciate that. But you know what? That was the issue. That wasn't the present issue, but it's the next issue. And what I said to them, whatever you decide on the ordination of women, hermeneutically, you're going to take a position that will determine whether or not you'll ordain homosexuals. And that will come up. It will come up and it'll come up sooner than you think. Within 20 years, it'll come up in this church. And I didn't say this because they were weak doctrinally to begin with. They're already caving in. So it won't take 20 years. You see, they didn't like that. And one guy over here was especially an irritant. That was a pain is what he was. He's kind of a wise guy. He's over here making all these comments. And I went back to the point and he had a question thing. He said, well, you said that about homosexuals. And I said, yeah. He said, well, that's just ridiculous. I said, why is that ridiculous? He said, because the scriptures are so clear on homosexuality. That's what he said. Well, I said, you know, 20 years ago, that's where they were saying about these that you were saying are not clear. Watch because truth is no longer essential. Here's my third point. And once again, I just, just want to encourage you. You know, isn't this uplifting? This isn't a Robert Schuller hour power deal. You know, you're going to need to listen to Schuller just to get pumped up again. Anyway. Here's the third deal, because truth is no longer essential. And prior to that, because the foundations are being destroyed in our times, we are overdue for judgment. And we are not want to make myself clear. We're overdue as a nation for judgment and judgment will come. I just finished a book, basically out of Habakkuk and Daniel on judgment. Habakkuk looked around and said, Lord, this thing's falling apart morally. We're just, you know, we're just, you know, we're suing each other. Violence. There are no safe places. Well, that sounds familiar. School used to be safe. Church used to be safe. There are no safe places. Violence is everywhere. And he doesn't understand because God's not responding. And then, you know, the book, when God finally answers, the answer is more disturbing than the silence. Isn't it? God, out of his mercy, God's going to suffer. But ultimately, he judges. I heard some guy on the radio the other day talking about, you know, there are those that are saying judgment's going to come. I've heard all my life preachers say judgment's going to come. But you know what? We hadn't gotten there yet. We've gotten there. We've crossed the line. There's a line in the Niagara River. There's a place in the Niagara River that's fairly calm, fairly placid. There's a bridge there. You can have a picnic if you wanted to. But if you cross that line, you are going over the falls. And we've crossed that line. And you know the line. You just read Romans 118 till the end. I mean, we're there. And there are stages. John Calvin said when God wants to judge a nation, he gives them wicked rulers. And we have that. We have it, don't we? We do have it. But see, nobody wants to say we have it. Why? Because we've been feminized. And we're afraid to say it. I heard somebody say, you shouldn't be talking like that. Because you know, he's repentant. You know, I don't believe that. And I'm going to tell you why. And again, let me just be real subtle here. If he's repentant, I'll believe he's repentant when he stops pushing the militant homosexual agenda on our kids and on Christian institutions. And when he stops defending those that jam scissors in the back of babies' heads and sucks their brains out. And when he stops that, I'll vote for repentance, that it's genuine. Until then, I think it's synthetic. So anyway, that wasn't in the deal. But I sure feel better. If God judged Israel, I mean, seriously, folks, if he judged Israel, why would he not judge us? He will judge us. You know the history. You know all the stuff. He judges. He'll judge us. Now, here's what we got to say. Here's where it comes down to us. Judgment begins, what? With the household of God. Now, here's where it really comes down to us. Okay. James said, let not many of you become teachers. Because teachers incur a stricter, what? Judgment. Judgment begins with the household of God. But before it comes on the church, it comes on those of us who teach the word of God to the church. It's coming on us first. And I want to tell you something. I tremble for certain, quote, unquote, evangelical people. No question they love Christ. But you know what? They've caved. I know how quickly I can cave. Hey, we've all got presumptuous sins. We all have hidden faults. The enemy is so subtle, isn't he? But I'm going to tell you, we are the leaders. And here's my challenge. We're the leaders in our families. We're the leaders in our churches. And you know as well as I do, our basis from which we lead in our churches is how we lead in our homes. See, my biggest problem is not the guy in the white house. My biggest problem is the guy in the blue house. Who lives in the blue house? See, I was in the blue house. I grew up in Bakersfield, California, San Joaquin Valley. And in that region, the agricultural region of California, a lot of people don't know this, but because you've got mountains on both sides, at certain times of the year, a fog will descend. We never closed school because of snow. We never had snow. But we would literally every year close school because of fog. You could not see the line on the road for seven, eight, nine, ten days sometimes. You couldn't see your car in your driveway. You couldn't see the house across it. So a fog would descend. I'll tell you something. A fog of moral confusion has descended on this nation and descended on the church of Jesus Christ. How do I get my kids through that fog? How do you get your kids through that fog? You know how you're going to get them through it? They need a father who is following Christ with his whole heart, who is committed to their mother, and by the power of your example and obedience, you cut a wide swath through the fog of confusion and show them the way to walk. I'm going to tell you something else. That's what you do in your church. That's what you do. We need some guys in our churches. You know, you come to one of these and I don't know. I was at Piper last night. I heard Piper, and you know what? I was ready to go to Amway. I mean, how do you ever top that? How do you ever equal? And I'm sitting there thinking, what a worm. I mean, you know, I was ready to quit. You know what I'm saying? How does he do that? You know, when you're normal and you get around these abnormal guys, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You know, and see, we're so screwed up in the church that if some guy, we love giftedness so much, that if some guy is gifted and he falls into immorality, our biggest question is, how quick can we put him back in? Because we worship giftedness more than we worship the one who gave the gift. You know what encourages me? I don't have to be gifted to tell the truth. And you don't either. So you know what? Let me just throw this out. And you know, we're all, we got all this jazz and all this stuff and everything, but it's the foundation that are being destroyed. And truth is no longer essential. And we're overdue for judgment. Why don't we go home and just love God? And love his word. And love our wives. Yes, it's you. I mean, this is real folks. And you don't have to be a Spurgeon and you don't have to be a Martin Lee Jones or a Piper or a Swindle. You just need to stand up and tell the truth. And you know what? If they don't like it, they don't like it. You know what? Hey, you know what? They may need to leave. Hey, take a hike, man. I don't care. I don't care about you and your little group. You see, I'm not there to please them. I'm there to please him. Well, they may fire me. Let them fire you. God's looking for some guys who've got the guts to put themselves on the line for him. And I'm going to tell you something. He'll take care of you. He'll flat out take care of you. Won't he? Yeah? Doggone. You know what I spend my life doing? I spend my life trying to get myself in a position where I will not have to live by faith. And so do you. And you know what he keeps doing to me? He keeps putting me in positions where I have to live by faith and I don't want to do it. I can preach it, but I don't want to do it. Let's go do it. Okay? Doggone it. Let's go do it. All right. Let's take the offer. Okay. All right. We got what? Hey, if you want to split, if I were you, I'd leave. But we're supposed to do this question thing. So we'll take a few. Yes, sir. Well, see, first of all, God doesn't know the future. So it's really whatever you want to do. You know what I think our vision for the future has to be? You know, we do all the prophetic stuff. You know, we got the, yeah, I went to Dallas, so we got all the charts. We got to figure it out, man. But there are other people in this room that are here and they're wrong on prophecy. You know, now we got all, we all have our views, right? But you know, we forget all the prophecy stuff. What's the purpose of prophecy? What did Peter say? Peter said, because the world's going to end like this, what kind of people should you be in? What? Holiness. So what's our vision? See, I don't think it's so much. I don't know. It depends on how you're wired. You know, a lot of times winning vision is doing a seven-year strategy thing. And I think that's great for guys who are gifted to do it. There are guys in this room that are gifted and I try to hang around guys like that, but I don't have a clue on how to do that personally. I mean, I don't have a clue. So I think vision, you know what I think? I think, um, I think in the next five years, I don't want to get involved with some, uh, some, some woman, uh, not that they'd be interested in me. You understand, but I don't want to do, I don't, you know, my vision for the next five years, I don't want to do something stupid. I want to walk with Christ. I see guys, I see guys that believe what we believe in this conference that three years ago would have been here without a ministry today because they got suckered by the enemy. I think holiness needs to be our vision. That's what I think. You know, Hendricks used to say at Dallas, he said, if, how do you put that? If you, um, uh, if you worry about the depth of your ministry, God will take care of the breadth of your ministry. See, we're always looking on a big deal in church growth and all that. Yeah, chump that stuff. He's looking for somebody that's falling with their gut. When he tests our, our integrity, when he tests our truthfulness, when he tests, our, our openness to him, I want to pass those tests because I know ultimately he'll bless me. You see, it's a vision thing. I think I'm not talking about, you know, this goal and that's okay. There's a place for that, but I'm talking about what kind of people we're going to be. This culture is falling apart. We need some warriors for Christ. Don't you think? But, but I don't feel strongly about it. Jim, watch the power. There you go. Absolutely. And then at the end, he goes on and he talks about, even if it all falls apart, you know, the whole thing falls apart. He's still got hope because he knows the Lord. Yeah. So, so, hey, listen, we shouldn't walk out of here. See, we shouldn't walk out of here with despair. You know what the great thing is? When, see, when judgment comes, there's a group of people that God will bless. He's got a group called the remnant. People falling with their whole heart. And see, that's, that's where I want to be. It can be caving in all around you. You see, but he'll put his hand on you. You see, there's always an arc. The judgment's coming. What do you do? I do two things. Number one, I get in the arc. Don't you think? And see, you got to get all the way in. They didn't get halfway in. Get all the way in. And the second thing is you get under the blood. Put the blood over your doorpost. You see? Yes, ma'am. Uh-huh. Of homosexuality. Yes. Yeah. Sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And why is that? I guess we could ask. Well, you know, whenever we depart from what the scripture says, we pay a price. And you know, the sexual revolution of the 60s is still with us. The other thing is, you know, in 40 years, we've gone from a culture of marriage to a culture of divorce. You know, homosexuals are not, it's not a genetic issue. You work with guys that struggle with homosexuality or women, that there's always an aberration in the home. You know, God's plan is not followed. There's either a father, usually there's a passive father and a dominant mother. Or you can have a father that is so hard and so harsh that little boys reject the masculinity because they can't identify. Their spirits are crushed. Yeah, it's just, again, it's just another indication. It's a symptom of where we are. Yeah. We're paying the price. I don't want you to leave here discouraged. I don't. I want us to leave here with reality. But, you know, I'll be honest with you. I'm not discouraged about the future and I'm not worried about the future. I really am not. And I don't think you should be either. You know what? I want God to bless my life. And I'll tell you what scares me more than anything, is not, I'll tell you what scares me, is not telling the truth, is not rightly dividing the word of truth. That scares, that scares the hell out of me. It does. And some of you now, I just lost you. Because see, you're upset that I said scare the hell out of you. Well, it does scare the hell out of you. You see, don't you think? To not rightly divide this truth, to say this word means this when it doesn't mean, listen, we're going to stand before Him. But if I'll tell the truth, I'll speak it in love. You know what He'll do? He's looking for guys. The eyes of the Lord will come to and fro about the earth, looking for those whose hearts are fully His, that He may strongly support them. Let's be those people. Let's be those people to the glory of God. Thanks folks.
Anchoring Your Family in Christ for the Next One Hundred Years
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Steve Farrar (October 30, 1949–February 19, 2022) was an American Christian preacher, author, and founder of Men’s Leadership Ministries, renowned for his focus on equipping men to be spiritual leaders in their families and churches. Born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, to Ralph and Helen Farrar, he grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah, before moving to California. He earned a B.A. in Speech Communication from California State University, Fullerton, a Master’s from Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon, and a Doctor of Ministry from Dallas Theological Seminary, where his dissertation on men’s needs shaped his bestselling book Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family (1990). Farrar pastored for 15 years in the 1970s and 1980s before founding Men’s Leadership Ministries in 1990, later serving as Associate Pastor of Men’s Ministry at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas. Farrar’s preaching emphasized biblical masculinity, family leadership, and finishing the Christian race well, themes central to his 20+ books, including Finishing Strong, King Me, and a revised Point Man (released posthumously in 2022). He spoke at over 600 men’s conferences, including Promise Keepers, and taught a weekly men’s Bible study in Dallas for over 20 years, reaching thousands in person and online. Known for his candor, humor, and scriptural fidelity, he addressed cultural challenges to manhood with practical wisdom. Married to Mary for 44 years, he had three children—Rachel, John, and Josh—and seven grandchildren. Farrar died unexpectedly at home near Dallas in 2022 at age 72, leaving a legacy of inspiring men to lead with courage and faith.