01.27. Excerpt6 - Point'd Preachin'

Excerpt6 - Point’d Preachin’ My pastor’s getting out of hand,
He asked me did I understand
That soon all men from every land
Before a holy God will stand.
He said, "Then you may tell the Lord
Why He should give you some reward."

But surely angels will remember,
I bought a chalice last September.
It was pure gold, that lovely chalice,
With money left by old Aunt Alice.
Can all my works be burned to cinders?
I also bought two stained-glass windows.

Don’t pass my deeds up in a hurry,
They’re spoken of through Wintonbury.
There’s Jenny Jones and her old Sammy-
I paid their two weeks in Miami.
I’ve done a host of wondrous things-
Besides, we’re not all rich as kings!

My pastor called my life a libel,
And said it was not like the Bible.
I can’t read long (I need new glasses),
And get confused about Saul’s asses-
And sure that story seems a boner
About a whale swallowed by Jonah.
I like religion hale and hearty-
A miss’n’ry film and ice cream party,
And pictures of the pyramids-
But we don’t need those noisy kids,
They bring the worst side out of me,
Leave them at home-they have T.V.!
I pay my tithes and fill my pew-
Surely there’s nothing else to do!