3.01 Three Modes of Management
Gentle Child Training Gentle Measures in the Management and Training of the Young By Jacob Abbott, 1871 The principles on which a firm parental authority may be established and maintained, without violence or anger, and the right development of the moral and mental capacities be promoted—by methods in harmony with the structure and the characteristics of the young mind.
Section 1 Chapter 1. the Three Modes of Management
It is possible, that in the minds of some people the idea of employing gentle measures in the management and training of children, may seem to imply the abandonment of the principle of authority, as the basis of the parental government, and the substitution of some weak and inefficient system of artifice and maneuvering in its place. To suppose that the object of this work is to aid in effecting such a substitution as that—is entirely to mistake its nature and design. The only government of the parent over the child that is worthy of the name, is one of authority—complete, absolute, unquestioned authority. The object of this work is, accordingly, not to show how the gentle methods which will be brought to view can be employed as a substitute for such authority—but how they can be made to aid in establishing and maintaining it.
There are three different modes of child-training, customarily employed by parents as means of inducing their children to comply with their requirements. They are, 1. Government by Maneuvering and Artifice.
2. Government by Reason and Affection.
3. Government by Authority.
1. Government by MANEUVERING and ARTIFICE.
Many mothers manage their children by means of tricks and contrivances, more or less adroit, designed to avoid direct issues with them, and to cajole or beguile them, as it were, into compliance with their wishes. As, for example, where a mother, recovering from sickness, is going out with her husband for the first time, and, as she is still feeble—wishes for a very quiet drive, and so concludes not to take little Mary with her, as she usually does on such occasions; but knowing that if Mary sees the coach at the door, and discovers that her father and mother are going in it, she will be very eager to go too—the mother adopts a system of maneuvers to conceal her design. She brings down her bonnet and shawl by stealth, and before the coach comes to the door she sends Mary out into the garden with her sister, under pretense of showing her a bird’s nest which is not there, trusting to her sister’s skill in diverting the child’s mind, and diverting her with something else in the garden, until the coach has gone. And if, either from hearing the sound of the wheels, or from any other cause, Mary’s suspicions are awakened, (and children habitually managed on these deceitful principles soon learn to be extremely distrustful and suspicious,) and she insists on going into the house, and thus discovers the mother’s stratagem; then, perhaps, her mother tells her that they are only going to the doctor’s, and that if Mary goes with them, the doctor will give her some dreadful medicine, and compel her to take it, thinking thus to deter her from insisting on going with them to ride.