01.02. CHAPTER 02 - NEW BEGINNINGS
CHAPTER 02 - NEW BEGINNINGS Life in the hostel was a new adjustment for me.
I was often sad and gloomy, thinking of my home. But I was also happy that I could go to school and be with other children, some of whom, like me, were from unhappy homes. The food was a simple, vegetarian diet, but it was good. On Sundays there would be some meat too.
Sometimes Mummy would send me a gift of a small amount of money with which I could buy something special. I bought a pair of high-heeled sandals once, which I cleaned every day and kept very carefully. I was so fussy about this that my friends would playfully kick it around to annoy me.
One night we had a special function in the hostel. We were shown a film on the life of Jesus. We had a Bible in our home, but I don’t remember anyone ever reading it. It just accumulated dust on a book-shelf! But now I heard the stories of Jesus at the daily Bible-reading and prayer-times that we had in the hostel. However, I did not understand what Jesus had done for me personally. When I saw the film, it struck me forcefully, for the first time, how much Jesus loved me - that He should come to this wretched earth and die for my sins.
I thought of my own life then, of how I had often caused so much sorrow to my parents by my stubbornness. I was reminded too of my selfishness in being unwilling to share my things with my friends. I also thought of my lying, my stealing, my anger, and many other sins that I had committed that I am too ashamed to even mention - for all of which I now realised Jesus had died and borne my punishment.
I wept that night after the lights were out, and asked Jesus to forgive me and to make me His child. A flood of joy and peace suddenly came into my heart. I, who had never felt loved by anyone before, became aware of the love of my Saviour immediately. I knew that I was now His special child and that He would never cast me away. A deep security came into my heart - a heart that had always been unsure of the love of my parents. I realised then that I belonged to the Lord Jesus and that He was mine forever.
I don’t know how this sense of security came to me, for no-one had taught me about such matters. But as I look back now, I can see how the Holy Spirit can make the things of Christ real even to a simple mind that has never studied the Bible. That was the turning point of my life. I wrote home about this experience and wanted my mother and all at home to share the same joy.
Very soon I entered into my teenage years. I was now thirteen years old.
During the school-holidays that summer I went home. But I discovered that hostel life was better than life at home - because in the hostel I could pray, keep my life in order, be disciplined, talk to my friends and attend meetings in the chapel. We were also taken out at times from the hostel to some park or beautiful spot on the hillside - and such picnics were a real treat that all of us looked forward to. Compared to all this, life at home was boring and uneventful. But I enjoyed playing with my younger brother whom I missed when I was in the hostel.
During that visit to my home I made a startling discovery. A 17-year-old relative of mine, whom I had always considered as a brother, came to visit us, as he often used to do in the past. But this time I found, that whenever we were alone with each other, he would touch my body here and there and try to get close to me physically. He had never behaved like that before. No-one had ever told me anything about boy-girl relationships or about sexual matters. But I was alert enough to know that something was wrong in his behaviour. So I avoided him thereafter and he became very angry.
It was only the Lord who protected me from the plight of some of my hostel-mates, who I later discovered had been lured by their close relatives into sexual sin, at an age when they were innocent and ignorant. My relative’s behaviour was another reason why I wanted to leave home and go back to the hostel. I realised that even a close relative could have an impure attitude.