C 02 - Attitudes Toward Participation

ATTITUDES TOWARD PARTICIPATION One of the primary aspects of the role of the wife of a minister Is her participation in her husband’s work. She

43 44 THE OF MINISTER’S WIFE is probably expected to his work in a manner and to a degree experienced by few wives. At times the question is by wives as to whether they are active laymen or assistant pastors. The Ministers Wife: Pastor or Active Layman?

“I think the minister’s wife is a kind of ‘little minister,’” is the evaluation of her role by one pastor’s wife. “Little minister” is a rather descriptive term. This type of wife is busily engaged in all kinds of church activities, teaching, speaking, visiting, and counseling. She may also participate in certain administrative tasks such as making the quarterly report to the state headquarters of the church.

Either verbally or unconsciously she appears to think of her primary role as focusing outside the home. In a sense she is her husband’s third arm. She could be realistically considered the assistant pastor of the church. Indeed, one wife of this type remarked, * Our church feels it has two ministers.* The assistant-pastor wife usually appears to be one who sees her role primarily as that of church worker. This is her ministry too. These wives frequently have no children or their children are grown. The religious background of some pastors* wives seems to ascribe this role to them more than to other wives. For example, more conservative congregations may expect their pastor’s wife to share more in the husband’s work. To be sure, there are some communities where the pastor’s wife, of necessity, has to assume more responsibilities than pastors* wives in other communities. The remark made by one wife might well be agreed upon by other wives in this category: * If I don’t do it, it isn’t done! “ The fact that a woman has prepared herself for religious TOWARD HUSBAND’S 45 work may also be a factor in some wives’ participating more in their work others. In many instances they have seminary training and have worked in churches as directors of religious education or in other such positions. Some of wives frankly state that they married their husbands because they were ministers. Part of the agreement with their husbands was that they would continue to be very active in the church. The coming of children makes this more difficult. One wife tells of her first child on a sled to do visitation in the community. This eventually ceased, “because I couldn’t get them all on the sled!”

However, the assistant-pastor type of wife appears to be passing. There seems to be a rebellion against this concept, especially among the younger wives. The following remark is typical of these wives: “ I feel that the minister’s wife has enough to do being a wife without having to be the unpaid assistant of the pastor. She shouldn’t be expected to do any more than the banker’s wife or the farmer’s wife.” When asked about the advice she would give a girl engaged to a minister, one wife replied, * I wouldn’t give advice to her on the basis of being a minister’s wife, but simply on the basis of being a good wife,” Interestingly, some husbands seem to be spearheading this movement. One pastor said that he told the pulpit committee of a church that was considering him: “ I understand you pay only one salary to the pastor. Well, you are going to get all of me, if you call me, but my wife will not be my unpaid assistant/’ The church called him as pastor!

More than half of the wives whom I have interviewed express the feeling that no more should be expected of them than of any other active layman in the church. The 46 THE OF THE MINISTER’S WIFE seminaries are evidently playing an important role in bringing about this change. When queried as to where they got the idea that the pastor’s wife should not be expected to be more active in church activities than an active layman, some say that seminary professors were influential la forming the attitude. This attitude is possibly a reaction against the concept of the minister’s wife in literature, depicted in Chapter II, and still expected by some congregations.

Reinforcement on the Home Front

’The above observations can be misleading if they are interpreted to mean that ministers’ wives are in no sense more involved in church work than are other active churchwomen. This is not their experience. Ministers’ wives are inevitably and inextricably involved in their husbands’ work If for no other reason, the physical environment makes this true. In most instances, the pastor’s home, usually provided by the church, is located close to the church building, Furthermore, the pastor’s study is frequently located in his home, with the accompanying procession of callers trooping in and out during the day. Under such circumstances, it is hardly possible for his wife to dissociate herself for long from the atmosphere of her husband’s worlc. One wife observed that it was impossible for her to eliminate her involvement in her husband’s work simply because he was away most evenings attending church meetings and calling on the people who were not at home during the day. She was involved by virtue of the fact that she was denied Ms companionship at a time when other husbands are at home. And an absent husband is an all-too-frequent experience with ministers* wives. Ministers* wives, then, from any position, are unable to detach ATTITUDES TOWARD HUSBAND*S WORK 47 themselves from their husband’s work. Moreover, most of them do not want to.

Wives I have interviewed tend to perceive their role largely as participation in the work their husbands, rather directly in church activities. They appear to do little more in the church directly than wives of active laymen. Most o teach Sunday school Activities that others mentioned most frequently are leading devotional working with the young people and women’s groups, singing in the choir, and working with the summer vacation church school It seems to be almost universally expected that the pastor’s wife will work with the women.

Few fail to meet this expectation.

However, their chief area of service is the home. Here they think that they can make their most important contribution to the church and its cause. Direct participation in church affairs is secondary in importance; This attitude is expressed in the comments of two wives who said, My husband and I talked this over before we came here and arrived at this decision. We decided that my first responsibility is here at home. I think I can do the most for the church by helping him, here.

Well, I’ve thought about this and decided when Bill and I first married I would not be like some wives of ministers I’ve known who neglect their home and family to work in the church. I feel I can help out most if I can provide a home where Bill can relax, blow off steam, or what have you. I don’t think a man can do Ms best work if things at home aren’t right.

Exactly how do ministers’ wives help their husbands in the home? Ideas and phrases such as “relaxed atmosphere,” “ encouragement,” “ being a friendly critic/’ “ running an orderly home,** and “ providing a refuge ** are frequently mentioned. They visualize the home as a ** city 48 THE OF THE ^flNISTTER’s WIFE of refuge” to which the harassed pastor can retreat. If he is despondent, she cheers him; if discouraged, she encourages him; if bewildered, she talks it out with him; if filed with hostility, she hears him out. As one pastor phrased it, ** She... will help him buckle on his armor as he leaves home in the morning. She will be the first to greet him at the close of the day and bind up the inevitable wounds of life’s skirmishes.** I The role of friendly critic is a contribution these wives make to their husbands. One pastor remarking on this point said, ** Its- awfully nice to have in the congregation a friendly critic who doesn’t have an ax to grind.” ** You need a pulse out there/’ he continued, ** and my wife serves that function very well because you never know how things will sound from the pews.”

There is another sense in which ministers* wives feel they help their husbands in the home. The pastor’s home is frequently the scene of dinners or other types of entertainment. Various board meetings are held there on occasion. Visiting dignitaries are a rather common experience.

During these times the wives are responsible for general hostess duties. Some wives hold an annual open house, and try to keep other meetings in the home to a minimum. The home is sometimes, of necessity, used for church meetings. This is particularly true of newly constituted churches. It is not uncommon for Sunday school classes, and even worship services, to be held in the pastor’s home until the church building is completed. This certainly puts additional stress on the pastor’s wife. Most wives accept it philosophically, feeling it can be endured oil a temporary basis. The parsonage telephone rings frequently. This is even more true when the study is located in the home. The parsonage BOLE ATTITUDES TOWARD HUSBAND’S 49 is viewed as an information dispensing service by many parishioners. Queries as to when the pastor will be in; whether or not the “Ladies’ Pink Lemonade Society” is meeting today; what time the “Men’s Spoon and Fork Club” is meeting, are regular fare. But again, the wives seem to feel that they are participating in their husbands’ work, performing a vital function tending the telephone, answering questions, and making appointments.

Then too, there are other ways in which they feel they participate in the husbands* work in the home. Among these are secretarial functions: typing^ keeping records, getting out mailings, or preparing and mimeographing the weekly bulletin. This could make the pastor’s wife an unpaid secretary instead of an unpaid pastoral assistant.

All of this is being noted as an attempt to indicate that these wives are inevitably involved in, and participate in, their husbands’ work While they do not appear to work much more directly in the church than other active laywomen, one suspects that it is more difficult for them to look upon this as a kind of extracurricular activity as other women might. It is all a part of their husbands* work, church work. Even the atmosphere of the church permeates their home through the telephone, through the home’s proximity to the church building and other less tangible channels. What are their attitudes about all this?

How do they feel about it?

Interviewing ministers’ wives, one is impressed by the feeling they communicate that this is their ministry also. They are married to men who are ministers, and who are doing what they believe God wants them to do. But the wives too feel they are having a vital part in the work of the Kingdom of God. Comments similar to the following one are not at all uncommon, 50 BO’LE OF MINISTER’S WIFE

I think of the that means most to me is that I am working together with my husband in a cause we both deeply believe in. I said “ together “ because I think of it as something like rowing a boat. He has his oar and I have mine. When we row together, the work goes forward. The idea of working together with the husband is further indicated by the regular use of the words ** we “ and “ us.** But this feeling is not shared by all ministers’ wives. A few wives verbalize the feeling that their husbands* work is simply another job, a source of income.

Mrs. Mary R, one who objected to being considered a minister’s wife, said: friend.

Whatever the reasons* the fact stands many wives of ministers are lonely persons. Probably this, in part, accounts for the intensity with which some plunge into their husbands’’ work. Through sheer activity, they are able to blunt the effects of their deeper loneliness. In fact, it is not uncommon for wives who express no sense of loneliness to say that they are too busy to be lonely. The psychology of leadership may provide an interesting insight into loneliness and offers a suggestion relevant to the etiology of this phenomenon in ministers’ wives.

Experience has demonstrated that intimate friendships with persons for whom one is leader can produce leadership problems. The Army calls it “ fraternizing with the non-coms.** The prevalence of advice in the literature warning the minister’s wife to avoid close friendships in the church would seem to indicate that this “fraternizing ** has been a real problem in the church as well. This section has attempted to say that the loneliness of ministers* wives arises not out of their lack of friends alone.

They have a church full of friends. But it arises out of the problem of relating very closely and personally with a few individuals in the church simply as Mary Smith, not as ** the minister’s wife.” As the wife of the minister, she is 68 THE ROLE OF a0NISTERS WIFE cast into a AH of the psy chology of that this Immediately es tablishes and to set her apart as Is the sequence of this isola tion, this “* The ever-present problem of the Is to a between distance from Ms to tie extreme of familiar ity, can probably never develop inti mate with whom lie leads without Ms role as a In this sense, the minis a She must either learn to live her seek other outlets, or be willing to run the involved in closer relationships within the Probably each wife must decide for herself ways are most meaningful to her in coping with this loneliness.

Meaninglessness A popular theme in recent literature is that of meaning Educator, theologian, philosopher, and psychologist are all alike concerned with this affliction of modem man. Anomie, as Durkeim calls it is essentially the problem of die absence of any deeply significant relationship to something that, in the individual’s estimation, is of ultimate concern. Paul Tillich describes it in these words, The anxiety of meaninglessness is anxiety about the loss of ultimate concern, of a meaning which gives meaning to all meanings. This anxiety is aroused by the loss of a spiritual center, of an answer, however symbolic and indirect, to the question of the meaning of existence. 9 Where meaninglessness exists, there is no goal to challenge, no cause to inspire. Life becomes a ship without a compass. This is frequently the problem of the successful ATTITUDES TOWARD HUSBAND*S 69 person who, having worked for years toward the of “ getting oa top/’ in despair discovers no further to challenge and him. ensues, Jung, who frequently treated typ^ of person^ the loss of meaning is essentially a religious problem. 10 As already noted, most ministers’ wives express some sense of loneliness. But there was BO sense of meaninglessness evident among them. Admittedly 5 it is difficult to assess with any precision this rather nebulous phenomenon. Nonetheless, there is for the most part an absence of the feelings of pointlessness, of a lack of purpose, of being without a sense of direction. One of the common answers to the question of what they like most about being ministers’ wives is the sense of being a part of something in which they believe. Many express a deep sense of satisfaction in having a vital part in people’s lives. Broadly speaking? the opportunity to help others is one of their most common satisfactions. As previously noted, many feel that they share this ministry. It is a service that has meaning.

It imparts a sense of direction to their lives. To be sure, ttere are periods in which they experience weariness and emotional fatigue. At times life may be a rat race, but relatively few seem to experience the deeper soul-distressing sense of meaninglessness that can pervade life.

One might raise the question as to whether involvement in their husbands’ work has produced meaning in life, or meaning has produced the involvement. There is reason to believe that involvement is the child of meaning. In dealing with meaninglessness, Arthur Jersild makes this point regarding involvement, Where there is meaning, there is involvement When something has meaning, one is committed to it. Where there is meaning, there is conviction. Where meaning is lacking in one’s work, the self is uninvolved. 11 70 THE OF MINISTER’S WIFE To be in an of or other an painful experience, is by few ministers* in activities but see iii or are not committed to the of die On one achieve a sense of “Self-fulfillment” here refers to the of achievement in the development of abilities. This section is concerned ministers’ wives have about ability to achieve in their role. of self -fulfillment is the feeling of able to use and develop one’s abilities in everyday The role of the minister’s wife offers opportunities for The work of the church is broad enough in scope and activity to utilize even the most insignificant skills and interests. One pleased wife reported that she was even able to use her knowledge of basket-weaving, a skffl she ^had learned as a girl. It is not uncommon for ministers* wives to be trained in music. One wife with a master’s degree in music found that in her church and community there were several children who had an interest in taking organ and piano lessons. She began with three pupils and within a year was teaching forty-five. She said that the quality of music in their church was rather poor. But she hoped that within a few years, through the pupils whom she was training, the level of music appreciation and performance in the church could be elevated. The point is that this wife found a ready outlet for the expression of a

TOWABD 71 of a of self-fulfillment.

There are wives voice the have go the chal lenges to achieve even skills. One of a class in public in order to her in the devotionals was frequently upon to lead.

Through the church discovering new interests and developing new skills. This is not to say al wives the degree of self -fulfillment would to experi ence. Some are to artistic or training to the fullest. To extent, frustration partly in the fact that their role as ministers’ wives may not provide the opportunity to express one part of themselves to the degree that they previously could. For instance, a former schoolteacher, who spent five days a week teaching, may feel somewhat thwarted in her role as a minister’s wife. There simply are not that many everyday teaching opportunities in the average church. Nor would she be likely to have the time for it if there were.

While ministers 3 ’ wives generally do not seem to feel strongly about their lack of ability to give expression to one aspect of their personality, a different situation may exist when a minister marries a professional church worker: a director of religious education, director of music, director of young people’s programs, etc. This wife has likely developed a concept of herself as being that of a church worker. She has oriented herself to a masculine world and has been one member of a * team ** in a church where the others were al men. Furthermore, she has frequently spent years in specialized training. All of this has served to mold her self-image into that of a professional

72 OF

If this sub to tie can be far-reaching. Her are involved. Rather fee to to a with paints she is to which hitherto has the of her life.

Wynn this caveat to the minister to a church worker, to be a union of similar interests an rivalry unless these are people... Two people, each to do the of work, educated in a school is regrettably but customarily part of the not be able to make a happy, sharing matrimony. 12 A in is of Mrs, Sarah R. She had worked as a leader with the young people of her therefore considered herself a professional worker. The conlicts described by Wynn were portrayed in her situation. She told of an officer in her church saying to her, when she moved into the

(the husband had been pastor of the church a year prior to their marriage), that because of her background in church work, he thought she would be a kind of pastor. When I asked how she felt about this, she responded haltingly: **I don’t think it can be done too well. It uh, it depends iih, it depends on the husband uh..Since she was having difficulty expressing an idea, I asked, “ Are you trying to say that this can be a problem to the husband? ** She seemed relieved, answered in the affirmative, and proceeded to tell of instances in which it appeared to her that if she made suggestions or did anything that might be construed as falling

73 lie to be his of ity, lie is but any a or has to be typed or a he las to do it

I am did it I worked before. 1 don’t know, but he to be to accept the fact that I can do of the he, as a min ister, do. Her success as a church worker up to in life, said, had depended her ability to do creative think and project plans and ideas. However, discov ering that these abilities now threatened her husband. She was presently trying to avoid threatening by structuring the situation in such a that he would the idea was Ms! Again, al of this is reminiscent of Komarovsky’s study, referred to earlier, in which she found that some American girls hold back, or **play dumb,** when they are with a boy in order to keep from threatening him. 13 The inability of a few ministers* wives to experience a sense of self-fulfillment, particularly the former professional church worker, suggests; a fertile field for premarital counseling. It also suggests that if the couple is to cope with the problem successfully, maturity on the part of both members is required,- But, on second thought, is not this required in coping with, all family problems? The in everything. A girl she has to be the most talented, most eveiything, is so busy herself she doesn’t to & her own sweet self.

While Chapter V concerns the church community, it is in order here to note that most ministers* wives whom 1 have Interviewed think that their church and community do not exert undue pressure upon them to conf orm to some idealized concept of the minister’s wife. Most churches, they think, are willing for their pastor’s wife to be herself. This is not to say, however, that the wives think they can remain oblivious to all community expectations and still maintain approval. Indeed, they recognize the church and community as having certain claims upon them. Some mention a willingness to forgo certain kinds of inconsequential activities that the church strongly considers out of keeping with their role. The apostle Paul is quoted by a few of them as the basis for this type of forbearance. In I Cor. 5 ch. 8, Paul argues that it is perfectly legitimate for Christians to eat meat that had earlier been offered to idols and then put on the market for sale. However, he says that if this causes an immature Christian who does not understand to falter in his faith, he will not eat the meat This he should forgo even though there is no real wrong involved in eating such meat.

Common sense dictates that a certain amount of conformity to role expectations is necessary for the orderly conduct of life’s affairs. George Herbert Mead, a pioneer role theorist, has made an- observation on this point: ** A

7S OF

OB a of stereo is not a the of the the of call for a very of work.” “ Therefore, in die of it is to a to role ex on the one at the to to of one’s being. This is not It is whether one can tel to do Still, wives to to between the external pres to the Inner drive to self-expression. But wives who fail in achieving this balance?

There are certainly who think they are seriously by the church and community in being (Probably al wives experience this to some but it is not a serious problem.) Several factors into such conflicts. The nature of the church, the of the commuiiity, and the personality make-up of the paticular minister’s wife are three of the most important ones. In smaller communities, the pressures to conformity are probably more insistent because of the greater conspicuousness of the minister and his family. The experience the church has had with previous ministers’ wives, the size of the church, and their theological point of view are also other detennioitive factors.

It is likely that the most important factor involved with those wives who feel seriously hindered in being themselves is the personal dimension their personality makeup. A wife who has grown up in a community vastly different from the one in which she now lives may very well find that there are prescriptions and proscriptions differ ATTITUDES TOWAHD HUSBANT/S 79 ent she previously to For the minister’s wife to may be in community a of the “ rale^ “ in another. But beyond type of may He a source of trouble. There are wives who are to act spontaneously, with real regardless of the vocation of or the where they live. The is own, not the com munity’s. Their own inhibitions, not of the community, prevent from themselves. To be sure, they may project the blame onto the church, community, or even their husbands. Or, their own general pessimistic outlook on life may handicap them. TMs type of wife may have feelings of holding herself back and of the parishioners being overly critical of her. She may have numerous negative feelings about her church being filled with gossipy women quarrelsome men who smoke, drink, dance, tell smutty jokes, and attend, church only when convenient. Why do these wives seem to have little or nothing positive to say about their church? Surely the whole barrel of apples is not rotten. One strongly suspects that the pressure that these wives experience is for the most part the voice of their own inner discontents and prohibitions that have been projected onto the community. Fortunately, ministers* wives usually express positive attitudes about their churches. The Thorniest Problem: Time The frequency with which one particular topic occurs in conversations, interviews, and seminars with ministers* wives suggests that one of the most difficult problems confronting them is time. Their complaint is not so much that they have an insufficient amount of time in which to com

Sf) THE OF THE but are so involved In the of the that the has

It is to BO in the Interview schedule of the no two of the wives up the To be sure, not all of their husbands, but the fact out of way to It it a problem or was a While professors now advise the young to a day off during the week, it appears the advice, A relatively small number of pastors reserve a day for rest and recrethe family. There are those pastors who say a day off but, all too frequently, closer questioning they use this day doing something other it with the family. Monday or Thursday to be die day ministers usually take off, if indeed do. Consequently, it is revealing to note that many of the which ministers have to attend just happen to “be scheduled on one of these days. So 5 while the pastor may not be working at the church on his day off, neither is he with his family. The multiplicity of demands upon the minister’s for administrative, pastoral, secretarial, even janitorial services leaves him with little time for his family unless lie makes time. Too frequently family time, like money budgeted for groceries, is what is cut short when unscheduled demands for time are made upon the pastor. Nancy Lawrence, in reviewing Blizzard’s study of ministers, concluded, “ In a nutshell, one of the minister’s biggest problems is the allotment of time.” 16 The minister’s wife concurs.

HUSBA!tt>S 81 What do the wives to say the of husbands? The by two wives are of It a problem, At first I a hard time accepting if. It to me he was all of the time. Then I discovered other ministers” wives have the problem. At times I surely Mrs. Jones’ problem isn’t worse mine, and wonder why can’t he spend more with me. The oae thing that I dislike most about being a minister’s wife is that your husband doesn’t have a day off like other men. He’s on call twenty-four hours a day, something like a doctor. There are times when Henry’s gone every Bight for two weeks in a row. Our children, especially, need more of Ms time. This is not to say that all wives find their husband’s lack o time a problem. Some say that when you really enjoy your work you do not count time. One wife, expressing this attitude, said she used to tease her husband about not taking time out, because he had promised to take Monday off after they married. “ But/* she continued, “ IVe told him that didn? t last any longer than the honeymoon! “ A closer look at the lives of those ministers* wives who express least frustration over their husbands* time frequently reveals that they have strong interests outside the home. They may be quite active directly in church activities, community projects, or other work outside the home. For instance, die wife quoted above taught school.

She was, therefore, able to- cultivate interests and friends outside the church as well as the home. But this presents a real problem for wives who have small children at home and who do not want to leave them with a baby sitter.

Some pastors, like other husbands, have difficulty really ^ THE BOLE OF MINISTERS WIFE tlitii wlvi-^ Ji’tper for attention, X:>r ire able to t-nip itlil/: 1 with ilieir wives’ need for uccuiioikillv getting an’av from the lurav and church. The}’ eaaiiifiier the ^inidatlnii of a vnue variety of experiences and persons the workday. They are to get hr.ine! The wives, on the other hand, may enjoy a reasonof child care, but they liave not the variety of and of work They a in the Do they communicate this need to try. wife of men to her the to get out alone with him, but she with success, 111 this up and hell sa>, * e What do you You Vent to the potluclc at the church die other * But this is not what 1 mean, Potluck dinners are en foyaWe, but I want the of enjoyment which conies from occasionally... Sometimes he decides to take an cff but about time some old biddy wJl phone with hurt because wasn’t invited to something, and it Is all off.

While the wives may express a sense of loss in not having more of their husbands’ time for themselves, they alsoconcern on behalf of the children. The minister’s schedule is of such a nature that even though he comes during the day, the school-age children do ’not get to see him. With the average pastor spending one to two evenings a week at home with the family, it is rather difficult to develop as rich a rektionship with the children as is desirable. One minister’s wife has reported that her sixyear-old daughter assumed, until informed otherwise, that her father lived in the church. 17 Fairchild and Wynn, in their study, Families in the ATTITUDES TOWARD -S3 Church: A Survey, wives of not having any family on which they count of the itself.

Like the physician, the wives tell of broken to the to to a movie, or social event. try to to adjust to broken promises. A caused more minister’s to a movie, bal game, or other social event. One of her husband’s breaking four successive with son to play a game of before it was finally played. The problem is particularly acute, some wives report, on Saturdays, when other children are put playing bal, fishing, or otherwise spending with their fathers, Saturday for a minister is a day of final preparation for the Sunday services and one of his busiest days. Few they can afford time off. A day off in the middle of the week is BO solution since the children are in school.

How do the children respond to the time that their fathers give them? Probably this is a study in itself. Nonetheless, their mothers think that, overtly at least, most seem to adjust fairly well to the situation. The common problems that they report have to do with disciplinary difficulties that the father might better handle, or that would not exist were the father at home more often. The problem of resentment toward the church on the part of the child is also reported by some wives. I first noted this problem in talking with ministers* wives who themselves were the daughters of ministers. About half of them expressed the feeling that as girls they vowed never to marry a minister. When asked why, resentment toward the church and parents was apparent in some of their answers.

S4 THE OF MINISTER’S life was neg tlie the mother, was too in do the this of time? The has to do it as an of the of having in In to the hus band’s so It be, then, younger are by his those who to this The advice that of give to a girl engaged to a minister has to do his absence from the home as a of her The frequency of their remarks about time the to which they went to advise a minister’s jealous if he spent more time with her seem to indicate that this is not an easy adjustment to make. It is an important But the majority of the wives, like the wives of corexecutives, are evidently quite adaptable and a brave effort to cope with a difficult situation.

It is interesting to note the responses of the wives when who demands that their husbands work seven days a week. In no instance has a wife whom I have interviewed, or had in a seminar, attributed the demand to the church. In fact, a few wives have told of church people requesting their husbands to take a day off. When one husband became pastor of his present church, he was told by the congregation that they expected him to take a day off each week. However, in the six years he has been there, his wife reported that he has taken off exactly three days, other than his vacation. *” Take it easy/” some parishioners advised him. “ YouTl live longer! * If the church does not expect its pastor to work long ATTITUDES TOWAKD So hours, days a week, why lie do It? A is the lias a problem* That is 3 the multiplicity of his it difficult to ail of In a week. In he no to of of the pastoral and In ap proximately two of the the is the only minister on the staff. 36 The In upon the pastor is partly attributable to the com plexity of the modem church. The of knowledge and skills demanded of its pastor by the church has reached proportions undreamed of by Ms predecessors.

William Whyte’s analysis of motivational forces underlying the business executive who works fifty to sixty hours a week, more than the company demands, may also provide some insight into the pastor. He concluded that service is not the executive’s basic motivation, though he may talk of it. Nor is it company pressure. Whyte says: w He speaks of himself and the demon within him. He works because his ego demands it,** 10 To quote one company president: “ People are like springs; the energy you have within you has to come out one way or another. I would reaEy get in bad shape if I didn’t work.* 20 This suggests that the minister too may be like a spring: he is a man with tremendous energies that must be expressed. This is not to discount the motivation he receives from a belief that he has been commissioned of God to perform a task It is to say that other factors may also be at work.

Occasionally one hears of the minister who is absorbed in church work to the detriment of his family and who rationalizes on the basis that “ this is the Lord’s work.” Wynn observes that the pastor’s ** sense of values needs constant, prayerful review lest he subjugate family welfare to ad 86 THE ROLE OF THE MINISTERS WIFE mi&istrivia [the trivia of administration] under the misassumption that these comprise the entire Kingdom of God!’ 1 On this same point Wayne Gates makes this observation;

Real question may be raised as to the sincerity of a... [minister] who uses his Christian calling as an excuse to neglect the basic physical and emotional needs’ of his children. If a man “his own children’s needs for affectionate tenderness, spiritual instruction, and economic security, he will have no basis for a genuinely pastoral care of the flock of God. 22

Probably more understanding of their families on the of ministers, plus an effort to do a little “ pastoral ministering “ to their own families, would aid in dealing with this whole problem of family time. For those ministers who view their own families as also being a part of God’s Kingdom, profound new insights await them in the apostle Paul’s phrase, “the church in thy house”

(Philemon 2).