In this sermon, Pastor Steve Mays discusses the curse, cause, and cure of adultery. He emphasizes that the purpose of boundaries, such as the Ten Commandments, is not to restrict or hurt us, but to keep evil out. Adultery is seen as a curse that can lead to the destruction of families and relationships. The cause of adultery is attributed to a weak spiritual life and the temptation to gratify oneself. The cure, according to Pastor Steve, involves casting our burdens towards God and staying faithful to the spouse that God has given us.

It's the 2011 Summer of Sermons with Steve Mays. All we see is, I have to have, I need, I want, I want to gratify myself. And so the whole thing about adultery is very weak spiritual life. Pastor Steve Mays addresses the extreme danger of infidelity today on Light of the Word. And God, I don't care, this is what I want. And God says, this is the woman I gave you, you better stay right there. Thou shall not commit adultery. Light of the Word, Light of the Word. Hope that shines in darkness, a voice that will be heard. Light of the Word, Light of the Word. Hope that shines in darkness, so we'll follow the Light of the Word. The Seventh Commandment says, Thou shalt not commit adultery. It's a sin that's been committed throughout history. But today it seems more rampant than ever. Tabloids report the affairs of politicians, millionaires, and movie stars. Adultery has become more commonplace in our lives as we've altered our perception of it. But as Pastor Steve points out, this new perception of infidelity as being fun and exciting always takes us to the same old place of defilement, disappointment, and divorce. That's why Steve calls this lesson, Living in Hell. Let's listen as Steve shares the curse, the cause, and the cure for adultery. So we turn to the book of Exodus chapter 20. And here we have God saying, these are my words, I wrote these with my finger. So when that happens, it becomes very, very real. So I like to know exactly what God's saying. I'm the kind of guy that likes to know my parameters, borders. I'm willing to step out. I'm a visionary. But I believe that there are certain boundaries. And when I know the boundaries, I'll have fun. But if I cross them, I want something to go off in my brain saying, you need to come back. And I believe that this is exactly what the Ten Commandments do. They give you a principle. You can call them the concepts or principles or the ethics. It doesn't make a difference. It's just that God wants you to know they're there. And where we have a horrible problem is that we always think things are negative. So when God says, thou shalt not, well, then that's negative. Not at all. You're going to see that every time God does something, it's to protect you. It's to protect me. That is what we need to see. Everything we have wrong in the country, in our nation, is because the family is shattered. And the family is shattered because sex and because of all this other stuff happening. And that's what we're going to look at today. We're going to look at the Ten Commandments. We've done six of them so far. Today is number seven. Thou shalt not commit adultery. And so Moses, I heard a cute little story, it says that Moses came down the mountain and he said, I have good news and bad news for Israel. The good news, I got God down to ten. The bad news, he's not going to budge on number seven. And number seven is, you cannot have sexual relationships outside of marriage and you cannot be going to bed with each other when you're single. You need to wait until you're married. In other words, it just is not right and you don't know. And the reason why is because you don't know what's going to happen. You might get pregnant. You might get AIDS. You might end up going to bed with a guy and then all of a sudden you get married to somebody else and he becomes the best friend. It messes a life up. So let's just be honest. We want the purity. We want the power. We did that before. Let's see what God wants now. So he says in Exodus chapter 20, verse 14, Thou shalt not commit adultery. Very clear. And the word adultery basically means if you're married and you're out there messing around, no. Or if you're out there flirting, same thing. Jesus said if you look at a woman with lust in your heart, you have committed adultery. And so why would Jesus do that? Why would he be so mean? He's not being mean. He's being very practical. In other words, I've been shot. And the reason why? I was at the wrong place, wrong time, hanging out with the wrong people, so I got shot. Well, tell you what, if I'm angry and I have bitterness in my heart and someone gets in a fight and there's a gun, possibility of me picking up and using it. Why? Because I have not got rid of the bitterness. So what the action is in the Old Testament, Jesus pulls it back to the New Testament and says, let's talk about the attitude. Why do you have the hatred? Why have you harbored this bitterness? Why are you hanging on to this resentment? Don't you know if you do that and you get in a huge fight and all of a sudden things go down, there's a possibility that you will kill somebody. You say, no, no, no, no. Yes. Why do I know that? Because you haven't listened to God's word. He said, don't let the sun go down upon your wrath. He said, don't be bitter. He said, as I've forgiven you, you forgive. So when you go contrary to God, when you decide to say, no, I know what I'm doing. You're in trouble. God says, forgive. You say, no. God says, let it go and just trust me. And you say, no, I'm going to hang on to it. But all it takes is a moment at the right moment. The same with adultery. OK, you might look at somebody, you're going to say, I'm never going to do it. But boy, I like looking at her every Sunday or I like looking at her at work all the time. Well, put yourself in a situation that all of a sudden you have a business trip and you're there and you have a hotel. And next thing you do, you knock on the door and she opens up and there she is. The opportunity is there and the temptation is going to be there. Why? You've harbored it. It's in your heart. It's in your mind. You have fantasized. You've undressed that person. It's not right. And we do that sometimes at work. We're there getting a glass of water. This gal comes by. She winks at you and you think, oh, this is great. You know, I'm overweight and bald, but man, she's winking at me. Well, you don't know. She has a twitch in her eye. That's all. You know, she's had that twitch her whole life. But here you're thinking she likes you. So now you're going to really look sharp. You're going to walk a different way. Now, what do you do when you're married? Well, you go home and your wife says, take out the trash. And then you go to work and she says, well, can I get you a cup of coffee? Well, I'd love that. What would you like to have in it? Cream. You want a cookie? Yeah, sure. You go home. You're too fat anyway. Get your own coffee. You know, and all of a sudden you think, wow, man, what happens? Where's your heart? There it is. So you cannot go down that road. You have to change. And that's the great thing we see here. So once again, I believe the great danger is because of the problems we have in the home. I read this interesting thing the other day. It talked about an 18 year old boy that was killed as he was riding the bull. He was a professional bull rider. Just started three months and he was riding this bull. And they say that once you are thrown off this bull, you have about two to three seconds to get to the fence and jump over it before that thing comes after you. And so they have the clowns that are there to kind of divert it, to give you a chance to go. Well, Paul was thrown off of this bull and it knocked him out for a second. And but when he was ready to get up, the bull came and just rammed him and killed him. He couldn't get to the fence. And so they went on talking about this story. I started listening, really fascinated. They say that the fence is really an important thing for a cowboy because if he can get to the fence, then he could turn around. He can look at the bull and he can mock the bull. He can slap the bull, but he's safe. And I thought about that. You know, we look at a fence around us and we feel like it's to restrict us or to restrain us. But I think really, in reality, it's not to hurt us. It's to keep the bull out. The same thing with the Ten Commandments. God puts things around you not to hold you down, but to keep the evil out. Because the tendency is for my flesh to go crazy. So three things I want to share with you this morning. Number one, the curse of this one word, adultery. The curse. And then number two, what causes that? The cause of adultery. And number three, we'll look at the cure of adultery. But the curse of adultery, four things I think here. Number one, it defiles God. When God said don't do it, he means don't do it. You say, well, I don't agree with that. I think we should be able to do it. And so people are living together without being married. It's wrong. God's not going to bless it. You're going to have problems. It's not going to work out. In other words, if that guy won't commit to you, he won't make a commitment or vice versa, it's not going to work out. There needs to be a commitment. And very important. And so he says, thou shalt not commit adultery. And the reason why is when your children know that you're not married and you're living that way, you are going to cause problems in their life. If you are married and you're out there fooling around, you're not going to be home. You're not going to be tuned in to what God is doing with your family or with your wife. And so you're going to have your mind someplace else. And it's going to show. You're going to be thinking about somewhere else. You're going to be doing things sneaky. You're going to make phone calls. You're going to sneak around. And all of a sudden, you're not going to be there. It will absolutely mess your family up. There's a great little saying, Sow a thought. Sow a thought. Reap an action. So I'm going to sow a thought. I'm going to think about this. It's going to reap an action. If I sow an action, it's going to reap a habit. In other words, if I sow this action, I'm going to begin to get a habit. If I sow a habit, I'm going to reap a character every single time. And if I sow a character, it's going to reap a destiny. Now, think about it this way. Hey, I'm hungry. I want an In-N-Out. So all of a sudden, I'm going to think about this In-N-Out. Double, double animal style right now. Nice, juicy, double cheeseburger. French fries and a Coke. So I'm going to go get one after the service maybe. Well, all of a sudden, I'm there. And now the action, I could do this every Sunday. We could do this after every service. It's going to reap a habit. We've got to do it all the time. And then the habit is going to become a character. I've got to have it all the time. And then the character turns into a destiny. I'm going to die of too much meat in my blood. So you do it in the small things. You understand it. Well, now do it in the big things. You're married. You're happy. Now you're not. You've been fighting, going through a tough time. And so you begin to think about that secretary. You think about that person. You think about that gal. And you begin to look at her and think about her. And all of a sudden, your wife is no longer pretty. Yet, in reality, your wife is ten times more prettier than this gal. And what you're seeing is that evil. And Satan is trying to destroy this family. It's going to destroy your wife. It's going to destroy you. It's going to destroy the kids. It's going to reduce you to crumbs every single time. And so here, why are you still doing this? David, when he looked out the window and saw Bathsheba, he could have walked away, but he didn't. And that was the problem. He just kept looking. And then he said, go get her. And so he went and got her. But he knew that this girl was the granddaughter of Ahithophel, his best friend. So he went to bed with his best friend's granddaughter. Then, because of that, he was in trouble. He had to figure out a way to get rid of Uriah. So he killed her husband. And then he had to get another guy involved named Joab. Joab, you're my general. Make sure you send Uriah out to the front of the battle and pull everybody back. So now Joab is involved. And the people around Joab, his lieutenants, they're involved. Then all of a sudden, Ahithophel is so depressed, he goes out and commits suicide, hangs himself. Then when finally the baby comes, the baby's killed. God says, I'm going to kill this child. So here is a guy looking out the window one day at a naked woman and says, I think I'm going to bring her in. Okay, let's talk about it. Do you know, David, because you didn't shut the door, now this woman's grandfather is dead. And the child is going to die. And her husband is going to be killed. And your general is going to turn on you because of the wickedness of your own heart. And everybody inside that courtyard was telling you, don't do it. They have lost faith in your life. All because you could not say no. And we don't see it that way. All we see is, I have to have. I need. I want. I want to gratify myself. And so the whole thing about adultery is very weak spiritual life. It's saying to your loved one, I don't like you. Don't love you. I'm a Christian. But this is what I want. And God, I don't care. This is what I want. This is the woman that's going to fill my heart. And God says, this is the woman I gave you. You better stay right there. If you don't, you're going to lose this. You're going to lose this. And for the rest of your life, you're going to lose everyone's respect. When I mention David, what do you think about adultery? Every single time. And so we see. And the same thing happened with Joseph. You remember I said that he was at Potiphar's house? He went inside Potiphar's house. And she grabbed Joseph, Potiphar's wife. Said, I want you right now. And Joseph said, no way. He ran out. And so we see Joseph running. But here's the interesting question. What was he doing in the house by himself? There was no other one in the house. He should never have gone. So when you put yourself in a position, things are going to happen. At least he was able to run. But because he was in the house, he went to prison for 13 years. Because Potiphar, though he believed him, could not justify it because he went inside the house and there was no other man inside the house, the Bible says. So when all of a sudden I realized, man, the curse that comes with this thing is unbelievable. So number one, very simply, it defiles your God. But number two, it also defiles your marriage. It defiles not only your marriage, but your family. It destroys families. Samson, because he had to go down to the Philistine country. He had to see these women that were half undressed. He went there. Sometimes here, when people walk out, they kind of cover themselves. Why are you doing that? I mean, I want you to. But you shouldn't even be out in public. If you feel that way around me, then don't do that. Because you don't want to set a man on fire. You don't want to draw that type of lust towards yourself. You don't need to do it that way. The thing that's going to get you married is that great spirit of God in your eyes, in your heart, in your spirit. Everything else is going to fade away. But if you have to kind of cover yourself up as you're walking by me because you think I'm kind of holy, well, let me tell you, God's living inside of your life. So I don't want you to look ugly. I mean, I want you to enjoy yourself, get things, look sharp, look nice. But don't button it here and go outside and unbutton it. So whatever you do here, you do at work. And if you have to pick a guy up at work because you unbutton it, then you know where his mind's at. And I'll tell you what, when you're gone, he's going to be looking someplace else. Is he loving you because of who you are? Or is he loving you because of what you have? And you know guys. They can't even talk to you. They're always looking down. It's a sad day. How you doing there? Great. Hey, up here. Oh, yeah. Got the wrong... My eyes. Look at my eyes. Look at a guy. And if that happens, just turn around and walk away. In other words, you don't have to sit there and let him undress you mentally if you know it. Don't do it. You have integrity, you have respect, and you have honor. Don't do that. And all of a sudden, once again, it hurts God. But secondly, it destroys a family. Because when this happens, the kids are the ones that get hurt. My selfish ambition for me being kind of satisfied, now my kids are separated. They live in two different homes at two different places, and those kids are going to be a mess. They're going to go through life. They're going to have a hard time with you. It's going to wear you down. It's going to break you out. All because you and your wife couldn't talk about the problem. You're looking over here saying, well, this is the gal that gives me what I want, but I can't get out of the home. The bed is undefiled. Talk about it. Get help. But I want to remind you, this is where God is going to bless you, not there. Satan is going to take everything out from your life over there. And so we see very powerfully. And then it defiles your marriage. You know, you never really do recover. You can forgive, but there's always that thought. There's always going to be that moment where your wife is going to say, well, where have you been? Well, I just got home. Well, why are you late? Well, why is she asking those questions? Because you fell before. Now, though she's forgiven you, and though she's trying, that is set in her mind. You broke her trust. You broke her honor. She will do the best she can, but there will always be that doubt, because the character of your life has been marred. People can take your reputation, only you can destroy the character of your life. When you rip your character apart, when you go down that road, you will be marked for life on that situation. These pastors that have fallen in sin, or David who fell in sin, or these senators who have done certain things, there are characters that once you do, it's gone. And so we find, and not only that, it will drain your love every single time. You will not have the ability to love, because you're just tapped out. You're not going to be able to work together, fellowship, or anything else. In other words, it's a lie. So the curse of this thing is unbelievable. But I want to share with you probably the cause. And I think there's three things that causes adultery. Number one, I believe it's a double standard. I'm one way at church, I'll praise God, love God. I go to work and I hang out with the guys, and smoke a cigar, or hang out with the women and talk about things, or I go to Chippendale. I don't know. There's a whole other life. And so I have one life at work, and I have one life here. I have one life with my family, I have another life with the boys. And that's the problem. So when all of a sudden your kids are saying, now who is that right now? You know, I hear dad on the phone when mom's gone, and he's talking to somebody. And yet I see him at church, his aunt's raised up, and he's an elder. But then I see him over here in the golf cart, just cussing himself out. So who is this man? I don't know him. And his wife's saying, now wait a second, what's going on here? You're kind of mean and ornery, and then you're nice to everybody else. You have to wonder. And you see all of a sudden this double standard. You're lying here and lying there. You've got to keep that all together. Now who am I, and what am I doing? And all of a sudden you're being nice to your boss, but you're treating other people really bad. And it begins to multiply. And then you're sweet to her, and you begin to do things, and you come home, and you're not sweet to your wife. You get that double standard. Or here, you treat people great, you love people, but on Monday you just are mean and nasty. And so when you have a double spirit or a double standard, what's going to happen every single time is you're not going to be blessed, and you're not going to see it come. And so number one, it says that a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways. But secondly, not only is that double spirit, but I want to mention a lazy spirit. Because we know that God's given us passion. And we know that God's put a fire in our soul. And we know that every one of us will go after that. You think of Abraham and Sarah at 100 years old. God had to do something. But in the Hebrew, once they had that child, they kept on going. They enjoyed it. So the fire is there in your life and everyone's life. So you can get excited that fire's there. God put the desire for sex in your life. So you're single. Well, what are you going to do about it? Well, are you going to sit there and watch all kinds of movies of nudity? Are you going to watch pornography and keep fanning that fire? No, you can't do it. You've got to say no. You've got to starve your flesh and you've got to once again, yes, God created the fire, but God also created the water. So if all of a sudden you have this fire burning, you better get to the baptism of the Holy Spirit and say, God, take the fire for sex and turn it towards you. God, give me a passion. But if you're going to feed it with the flesh and you're going to stare at magazines and you're going to look at the pornography and you're going to look at everything, you're going to have a problem. So all of a sudden you're walking around and there's, ah! And then you think, well, if I could just start dating, maybe we could hold hands and kiss. Well, there's more nerves in your lips than any place else in your whole body. So the moment you smack lips, it's over. Over. Over. Because that's the way that God made you. The lips ignite. Well, we want to kiss. One second. That's it. I wouldn't do it. And then thirdly, sometimes a bitter spirit, a resentfulness, in other words, you know, I'm just complaining, complaining, complaining, but I'm not communicating. And so I find sometimes that just a bitter spirit can really cause us to do crazy things. I'm mad at my husband and I'm not going to forgive him. Well, what are you going to do? You're going to drive him out of the house. Is that what you want? And so the Bible says he's looking out the window. Why is he looking out the window? He's not satisfied. Well, how do we get him satisfied? You have to talk. Well, no, I can't deal with it no more. Then you're going to commit adultery. Now you're going to be in trouble with God. Now you're going to lose your family. Now you're going to lose your friends. Listen, the talk is cheaper and more safer and more honest than going your way. When you look at everything you lose, it's unbelievable. And lastly, the cure, you've got to cast your burdens towards God. You've got to say, God, you made me this way. Take the fire out right now. God, you know, I'm here and I'm walking down the mall and God, let's go this way. Honey, why are we going that way? I just want to go this way, honey. Because you know, there's a little Victoria's Secret right around the corner. And though you're looking at your wife, she knows you're looking at that picture. They just know. You think they don't know? Because here's a guy. What are you looking at? I don't know, just looking. Well, how do you know you got me? Because I've done it. We all do it. Put blinders on. Pastor Steve Mays, sharing a few practical steps we can take to keep our marriages safe and free from infidelity. You know, a lot of people feel that the Ten Commandments God gave us way back when in the book of Exodus don't really fully apply to our lives today. Maybe we should rename them as, say, the Ten Suggestions. Pastor Steve says, I don't think so. So in his collection of studies focusing on each one of these commandments, Steve explains their relevance to our lives today. Learn about this Ten Commandments collection at our website, lightoftheword.org. Today's message is just one of 22 sermons that make up this in-depth examination of God's top ten instructions. Learn all about this set at our website, lightoftheword.org. That's lightoftheword.org. Or we'll be glad to tell you about the Ten Commandments collection when you call us at 1-800-339-WISE. That's 800-339-WISE. Well, that's going to do it for now, but please join us back here next time when we once again discover what the Lord has for us in the light of the word. Light of the world, light of the world. Hope shines in darkness, so follow the light of the world.