Mike Bickle emphasizes the importance of a biblical perspective on dating and preparation for marriage, urging young people to establish clear boundaries and to be equally yoked in their faith and values. He warns against false idealism and stresses that physical attraction alone cannot sustain a marriage; respect and shared vision are crucial. Bickle encourages individuals to be intentional in their dating relationships, to seek spiritual growth, and to engage in open discussions about issues like pornography and personal struggles. He highlights the significance of accountability and the need for both partners to pursue a relationship that honors God.

Kind of a lay a little foundation here. And again, I'm keeping my eye on you guys. I'm pulling this back a little bit So if you just kind of do I'm gonna see you and if not Alan hit me, okay Three purposes for this well, actually we want to develop a whole seminar and do this over a weekend So this is just kind of our step one We have so much more material to cover but we were just a little teaser Before you went away for the summer so many I have few students so I give our three purposes We want to give a biblical view and we want to create a larger dialogue an in-depth dialogue based on the Bible not based on our culture we want to establish some clearly defined boundary lines and the reason we need to really clearly define them because a lot of folks they Imagine without clearly defined boundary lines they're just gonna kind of make their way through by the spirit and they've never thought through everything and a Lot of situations and they get there and they end up stumbling So we want to think through and each actually write down our boundary lines write them down That's where we're going in a few moments. Then. I want to expose some false idealism, although We're not gonna do Excuse me so much of that tonight But I do have a lot of that on the handout the larger one that we'll put on the internet later paragraph for There Are four issues that cause great pressure on marriage very common you can read those they're pretty simple It's straightforward, but idealism is a big one idealism hurts. So many marriages because they have these Concepts that it's supposed to be this way and it's not supposed to be that way Then they get disillusioned and they get angry then they start backing away from the relationship Keep paragraph C Obviously the foundation of a godly marriage is Two people that are equally yoked Meaning equally yoked doesn't mean they're just both of them are believers, but they have that they're like-minded. They have the same values They're going with towards the Lord with the same intensity If you're not equally yoked if he's like really good-looking, but you're not equally yoked You will have so many problems after about three months when his good looks are not going to get you through anything Or her good looks if you're not equally yoked there will be so many added tensions that will come for the next 50 years So that's one of the main priorities Paragraph D is the guy that or gal that you're dating or wanting to marry. Do they have the same vision you have? Are they searching the scriptures to figure out how to be more committed to the Lord or are they searching the scriptures to find out? Ways to be less committed because there's two camps in the body of Christ And you might be uh, really attracted to somebody but they're in the camp They're reading the bible to try to find out how to give themselves to the lord less And that is a dangerous thing no matter how cool their phrases are that is dangerous next 10 20 30 40 years on your marriage your children your sexuality your Everything that is a dangerous dangerous thing that needs to be identified And I think mike on that one, you know that the verse and the two shall become one flesh the kind of pressure and the kind of challenges you're going to face Together as god conforms you into his likeness are too great for just the casual believer For the one that just wants to show up be counted in get fire insurance So that they make sure they they have everlasting life But they really haven't bought into the fact that their life is about being conformed Into the likeness of christ marriage will break down this this point that he just said right there when no one's looking Are they pressing in for jesus not just to to get fire insurance? But are they wanting to be conformed because their wife or their husband will be the reminder of their weaknesses and failings Every day all day and if they don't want to conform into the likeness of jesus marriage is just too painful To go through with someone else as a mirror in front of you all the time Yeah, and you spend your money different you approach sexuality different you approach child raising different you approach entertainment different you approach Problem solving in your marriage differently you approach everything if you have different entertainment you you have different friends. I mean Everything is based on this reality And to think that attraction will get you through those problems for 50 years if you have two different visions It is a disaster after you know, having been a pastor about 40 years. It is a disaster every time So dating doesn't fit as a category in evangelism. No dating. No, right? No missionary dating. Okay okay, uh paragraph e It talks about I love this phrase in first thessalonians 4 just look at it in verse 4 It's talking about abstaining from immorality in verse 3, but he says learn how Or know how to which means learn to possess your body in honor Paul exhorts us that because all of us need to know our body our rhythm how our bodies Respond in various situations when we're in certain moods in certain time frames when certain context You respond differently to temptation and paul's saying learn how to possess your body in a way where you can walk in honor When you're depressed it's late at night and you're in this context Don't go there and do that because you'll always mess up It's not the same as another time in your life when you're not depressed and the pressures aren't on So learn how to possess yourself And know how to read all the situations in your life and how they add up to leading you to a place of vulnerability And stay out of those places of temptation when you get in that place, but this is not a holiness teaching tonight But that's a really key key. Uh, uh verse to learn how to possess your body in honor Now here's a what I want to spend some time on a minute or two first corinthians chapter 1 verse 6 There's so much deception in the body of christ today not just in the culture in the church related immorality The bible is clear That we are to resist believers are to resist all sexual involvement outside of the covenant of marriage Between one man and one mormon. There is no other sexual activity That is blessed by god ordained by god Except for inside the covenant of the marriage of one man and one woman. That's the clear Biblical no questions asked there's no way to get around that a lot of guys are trying to move those boundary lines around But they're very very clear in the bible Paul says in verse 9 don't be deceived about this that fornicators Idolaters adulterers Homosexual sodomites will not inherit the kingdom is what he's saying. Don't be deceived Now a lot of times we look at that verse and we think ah homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom. They will not I want to be clear about that, but I don't want to leave it there. We're talking about a Unrepentant person who's walking in that behavior, but we're missing the point. It says fornicators won't be There's a whole lot more heterosexual fornication going on in the body of christ than there is homosexual Activity and so there's a lot of debate with this verse about homosexual. I go wait Wait, that's way down the line. It says fornication It's talking about young cool couples and the young people in the body of christ that really are cool and like each other And they're stepping over lines and the lord says if you're if that is an acceptable lifestyle to you You have cast off my leadership in your life And it doesn't mean you stumble and fall you're out of the kingdom But it's choices where you stay in that kind of mindset. It leads to a hardness of heart down the road So it's talking not about stumbling in these sins, but it's about settling into those sins and so uh Fornication is the first one on the list and that's all sex outside of the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman Okay, let's look at paragraph f now diane, this is a Something that you were uh, really emphasizing earlier Yeah I just I feel like Especially for those of you who are here are young people that are here You are in an environment The the prayer room you're in an environment that fosters um Getting physically and spiritually and emotionally Healed up you're in an environment where you hear the song of the lord and the word of the lord and you're You're you're encouraged to go deep in the word and all of those things are Are happening around you and to you and you're participating in them And it is the time for you to get Stronger in your character to get stronger in your True identity of who you are in the lord and how he feels about you and to put aside Some of those broken things that are of your past and um and to deal with some of that brokenness and so I just I just feel like the the gift of the lord to those of you who are here in terms of preparing you for Marriage is that you're in an environment Every day where you can take the word of the lord and process together with the lord in the prayer room these issues of of pain of disappointment of brokenness of of broken sexuality issues You know, the lord wants us to take the truth and apply it to our life today in this moment And so I want to encourage you that the times that you have in the prayer room to to be serious and intentional Before the lord with your scripture reading, you know, I am dark, but I am lovely to you jesus And so so those dark parts of me that you know all about that. I hope no one ever finds out about me But you know them jesus come in and heal Those places in me and show me another way show me a better way That when I am faced with that choice the next time I will I will make a different choice Because you've you've washed me and you've given me help and you've strengthened me So use this time to prepare yourself to be the best self the the best whole self I mean, we're never perfectly whole but get healed up. You're close get healed up as fast as you can and avail yourself to some of the Some of the tools that we have here available for you with our foundations Uh ministry and you know get some wise counselors alongside of you speaking over you and and helping you and you were saying That's the best way you can prepare for marriage right there prepare Make yourself the most whole best self that you can be bring that to the to the courtship Bring that into the engagement You you want that from the person that you're going to connect with and that person wants that from you There's no better way to start a solid foundation In the lord and and and merging your vision and your values than to to come into it with a place of health And there's no better time if you've moved here from back home to come here for college internship intro, whatever it is you moved here for This is a new place And that's the beauty of college. I don't know how a lot of you felt who are older But I know that when I went to college it was a push delete It's a new start It's to shake off the shame And the failures of the past and to see what god would unfold and those little things You know when you first how many of you when you first got saved? He would move it upon your heart to pick up a piece of trash when you walk by it on the ground And the spirit would convict you and you would have a choice. You're like it's a little piece of trash But the spirit would go it matters to me Because it's the yieldedness of your heart and I would encourage you Push delete and let the joy and the delight Of god conforming you by his spirit because there's nothing more attractive At least I can only speak from a guy's perspective than a woman who's going hard after god no matter her past Who's pressing in to say jesus i'm yielded to you And I want to be conformed to your likeness. That's beauty and that that's the drawing power Turn to page two Yeah, alan, that's good You know that pick up that trash see we're 37 years married. Jesus says pick up that trash and I do it It used to I used to be the other way Brother turn just hear it from the lord now. I get help Top of page two the three definitions and i'm using the word courtship In a way that some of you would use it very differently. So let me define a courtship i'm using for the word engagement that uh So that's might be confusing. So dating or engagement is what I mean or marriage so I was talking to some earlier they were saying now that word means courtship and dating sounds like the same and I go no, I mean Officially you put the ring on your you've announced your wedding day. That's what I mean by courtship And so i'm i'm i'm going to change that word out on the document Okay, i'm identifying or just talking real brief about three stages And the real point we're talking about is the dating stage because the other two are pretty obvious, uh what they're about paragraph b the premise of of how Relationships work marriage works is the fact that love is built on respect It's not built on physical appearance. I mean a physical appearance attractive physical appearance is nice but I tell you physical appearance will not sustain love it won't cause it to to flourish 20 30 40 50 60 years later You love one another because your respect has grown not because your hair is prettier 40 years later In your case it is but uh worth worth almost 40 years later. That was that I just it is true We married up. Yeah, we married up. Go ahead. You're gonna say something. Uh, yeah, okay Now i'm making a serious point though, I know i'm gonna make one too Respect and You respect someone when when they're real and authentic and and and they're making good godly choices with their life and so Um, I yeah, I just want to make the point that I respect and love this man Way more than I did 37 years ago when I married him because i've got i've been able to watch him um through the years and through the trials and through Um the highs and the lows and and I just yeah, that's the gift of god that you get to grow in love With someone who's who's the real deal? So hey, let's all be as real as we possibly can and and as true, you know walking in our true self and in our true identity and getting um, You know getting healed up from from wrong and false identities so that we can really Enjoy married life together. It's it's meant to be enjoyed And I want to say this the guy that you see on friday nights and saturday nights and sunday mornings up here on the platform It's the same guy that I see at home on a monday morning at seven o'clock in the morning He's the same like he's just like he's just true true true all the way through And that's that would be my desire that every one of you guys could say that in your later Married years like I got the real deal and he he he presented himself He was authentic and he held the line and walked that standard before the lord and led my heart in righteousness and holiness all of these years but the But there's still a little physical going on. Oh, come on and i've lost some but No, uh the point i'm making we have lots of fun we laugh a lot but uh, The point i'm making is that? When you're in your 20s, although we're not only talking about folks in their 20s, though That's the crowd we're aiming at the ihopu student body are mostly in their 20s. Not everybody But uh, there's a lot of folks dating in their 50s. And so i'm talking to them as well but uh The idea is there's so much attention on physical attraction and physical attraction is cool I'm, I think that's really that's something but it if that is too big of the equation If you do not 10 20 30 years later Respect the way they handle pressure the way they talk The way they walk in the mundane routine of life trying to obey the lord be a servant heart You won't love them like the one of the questions. We got lots of questions given to us How do you how do you know if the love is real and how do you know it will last? If you grow in respect because you're both living authentic not perfect, but you're stumbling but you're genuine when you're tired You're genuine when you're doing your entertainment. You're genuine for the lord You won't you will love each other more You won't fall out of love matter of fact that those fireworks when you first met you were just everybody was so cute Your love will actually go way beyond that it will go way beyond that if it's when the respect is based in So when I first met her she was so gorgeous like i'll make anything work You're so cute, but it doesn't work that way. It really really doesn't work that way because we I had Baby respect because we hadn't had history 10 years later 20 years later 30 years later 37 years later My respect is so great and that's where affection and love but I mean genuine affection I don't mean just a cold distant. I respect you. You're technically right isn't that's nice i'm talking about Genuine affection and love within a relationship. That's how it's built And I was just going to add that something that's beautiful that I that's Grievous and I know all of you would agree that oftentimes marriages get to 25 years and they they're going through the crisis and instead of Running into the lord and letting and letting the benefit of those years that can come forth and does come forth Happen they give up and so there's a benefit of years that you as you walk through different seasons and hardships because Marriage is the cross and you really realize in those things that oh my gosh. I have issues He has issues jesus. We need you. Let's run into you And so I just was going to say the beauty of years like 37 years 22 years for us of of that you come into the benefits. There's such a blessing You know anyway but that's if you've chosen right for 22 years that only works if you've done that and rachel says this over and over and And here's what I want to just um vouch that we're more in love with each other now Way more at the 22 year mark than we were at year one We and year one you were crazy about her, right? Oh, well, she was she was the knockout of the whole school And so I i've heard him go on and on my point being it's so much. I mean look at I mean look at her She looks like my little sister, I mean, you know what i'm walking through the grocery store I got gray hair and they're looking at her like why is she holding his hand like he You know, he robbed the cradle but it she's just gorgeous. I I get the benefit But wait next time just go say grab a hold of a metal guy looks me say come on dad And nobody will have any problem at all if she just says come on dad No, don't do that But But I I will say this and what my my wife's favorite verse probably at least in her top three is the fear of the lord Is the beginning of wisdom? And to marry someone that genuinely wants to please god when no one's looking That's the key when no one's looking and here's what i've fallen in love with my wife through the seasons is I had no idea the benefit of marrying someone Who wants to please god above all things? Because there there are there are a thousand Ills that you save yourself from she doesn't care whether i'm on this platform. She doesn't care what my reputation is She cares whether i'm righteous whether i'm holy whether i'm honest whether i'm genuine and and vice versa I've got to see her walk through the pressures of raising children interacting with in-laws Family dynamics in such grace and purity and forgiveness with such compassion That I had no idea that she was even capable of that until the circumstances presented themselves and then Then jesus showed up through her and I went. Oh my goodness If you would not have responded in a heart Stance that you did I would have probably got off here. I might have got offended I might have had a wrong interpretation and instead of bolstering each other for our rights for our prominence To get our honor if jesus you want to please him above all things You end up falling in love with each other again in the different periods of life after you go through periods of struggle, too Where you don't feel as much so so that's why in the The heavy attraction on the front end that is not what wins the day it And there's so much energy on that on the front end and the guy can compromise a little and the girl goes Oh, we'll make it work. He's just so cool It won't work if he is not going hard for god and you're pulling him along or vice versa And they're struggling. Oh, why do I have to do that? Why why why this is going to be problems? Because again in the areas of conflict money pressures, I mean the 10 areas I mentioned earlier Okay, let's go to paragraph c the point of dating is a discovery process I'm using dating as an a a defined committed relationship not a casual You know having a dinner with somebody to check them out. That's not what I mean by dating I'm talking about dating a committed exclusive relationship. That's public meaning The guy is not just telling her hey i'm committed to you and then over there. He's telling another girl the same He's saying it publicly so there can't be two commitments that he's he's being uh direct about it and I believe that uh The point of dating isn't to have fun with somebody who's cute for a year or two It's to discover if that's the person that you want to marry. That's the point of dating And the secular world the point of dating is to have fun with somebody attractive For a year or two then move on to the next one. That is disastrous That is not the culture of the kingdom. That's not what we're talking about at all Paragraph one the purpose is to get acquainted with their life vision their values their personality And the real point to determine do you want this to go? I have the word to courtship. I mean to engagement And it's very dangerous to view dating through the secular media Of the in the media is full of it are the two people. They're attracted fireworks. They find their soul mate They do all this stuff together. They get engaged In I mean involved physically then a year or two later they move on that is a disastrous paradigm Don't become committed to a person if you're not thinking hey I'm in the process to seeing if you're the one that i'm going to marry i'm that's the purpose of the dating if not Don't go there. Don't experiment play around pick up a few bruises and give a few bruises to somebody don't do that That's don't defraud one another in that way But stay stay reserved until there's a dating relationship that you're thinking this might be the one Every date's a potential mate Every date is a potential mate because your mother said that your aunt said it My aunt said that but don't say that to the person if you go on a date with them just keep that in your heart But use that as a principle of wisdom Well, I think if the date if it's the coffee the one-off that's not what she's talking about But if you're gonna like really gonna date them it needs to be this I mean it really does need to be that okay paragraph three I recommend Very strongly not to kiss in the dating stage Now the tv says it very multi. I mean the media says it way different Paul says it's good for a man not to touch a woman. He's talking about to a man and woman not married. That's what he's talking about I strongly recommend not kissing in the dating stage Because in the dating stage the point is to find out where their values their visions how they interact Those kinds of things I have written down there. I don't want to go through it all but i've got it written several times You're in a discovery time and when you get in that discovery time look look here a sentence or two later It's so easy to confuse the pleasure of physical touch with love so you're in a dating relationship and just the Pleasure of touch you think oh, I love you. You love the touch and you really do kind of love them for a minute not exactly That it confuses the whole process of discovery. It makes it very complex and distorted And then there's bonds that create then your values aren't in sync, but the physical bonds are being created But the value of the spiritual values then you got to pull back then you miss him. You can't live with him You can't live without him, but the values aren't in sync though He says he's a christian or she says she is but they're not walking it out Not really not in the way that you are. I mean they may go to heaven when they die But that's not enough you want to marry a woman or a man that's pursuing the lord hard not someone who Go to heaven when they die and they're just going to do what they do between now and then and I just want to say that to the men out there i'm raising sons, but You guys are the gatekeepers not the women Women are too but you're the gatekeepers. What do you mean by that? I mean you hold the standard You are the one that says we're not going to kiss until we get engaged or even married You'll be the one that leads in that way. Don't wait for her to say. I think we shouldn't you know You'll be the one that says we're not going to go sit in a dark parking lot in a car alone You'll be the one to go. Let's go back to your parents house and sit on the couch when they're in the other room You'll be the gatekeepers That's right, we've heard too many stories I I looked my sons in the eye and I said I better never hear this story about you Of the guy trying to wear down the girl. We say that again on the issue of boundaries I look my sons in the eye and I go you bear the onus Of holding the boundaries setting them. It could be that pointing down there. Yeah setting them holding them You know and cherishing them in your heart It's not going to be you are pushing and pushing and pushing and she's doing the best you can Asking for friends. What do I do about the wearing her down wearing her down bible verses will the grace of god? He'll cover cover. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on I thought you loved me Hey, dude, why are you doing this? Exactly. The guy needs to be the one telling the girl. No, we're not going there Oh, she'll respect you if you don't you'll confuse her you say you want to follow heart after jesus But you're sending all the confusing. She'll still marry you but she won't fully trust you She won't fully trust that's for sure not not under pressure She won't fully trust your leadership and then you'll think why aren't you trusting me? Well, look at your last four years together. Why should she trust your leadership? You're the one that gave her the evidence not to trust you moving on paragraph four To put it simply don't kiss before you get the engagement ring. Wait, can I say something mike just real quick? Wait, I gotta finish just don't take your clothes off till after the wedding. Go ahead I had to get that out. Go ahead. Well, I want you to say that again. No, I said it once No, you've got to say that's too good. That's too good. She has to say it But guys we I I made that statement rachel made that statement This is doable for you This isn't insurmountable for us to say that you're the gatekeepers, you know 100 years ago A guy would have never thought it was any other way But that because you had to look a father in the eye And promise him you were going to care for their daughter and maintain your dignity The way that you showed that you were fit for marriage is that you had the self-control To honor his daughter and so don't go. Oh, I know our culture's so jacked up. You don't want to go that way You want to get it in your spirit right now no matter your past no matter what you did in a bad way And if you've been stumbling on this issue draw the line now Start now that girl across from you will respect you for it and you get the courage to walk this out Don't take that deep sigh. I heard the whole thing go. Oh, that's a heavy. No, that isn't That's easy. You can do this and if you do it, you'll be the better for it It's only heavy because the secular culture is so inundated in the church It is so normative in the kingdom for the guy to be the standard bearer such it's so normative to to do that Okay, number four again to put it simply don't kiss before you get the engagement ring and don't take your clothes off till after the wedding And all guys say well take off a little bit, but we won't do this. We won't do that. No No that you got 50 years to be married 50 years Maybe longer. I mean my point isn't just wait. It's more than just wait. It's Develop a resume with that woman when she sees you under pressure The sexual temptation desire pressure and you obey god when you know, she knows you love her like crazy You're engaged you're obeying god Later five years later when you're on a business trip and they say oh I hear that real cute girl who joined the company She's not nervous. She goes. I know how he acts under pressure He was crazy about me and he wouldn't yield i'm not jealous Then you come home you don't have that other argument than the other argument it goes on and on and it's because of Bad leadership in the early days. It really is it carries over to so many other issues Later on in the marriage. It's critical. So it's not just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, just wait wait No, it's develop a resume with that woman about your leadership That's what you're doing as well as growing in the spirit of your personal life And I just want to say guys you have everything to do with securing your wife's heart in confidence in in your love and and in the sanctity of your marriage you have everything to do with Anchoring and securing her heart by the way that you carry Your vessel, you know before marriage and and in during engagement and after marriage You'll you'll spend a lot less time um Backpedaling and and and and working through issues later on down the road with your wife Whose heart is anxious and unsettled if you'll do it right on the front end You develop a resume just get that You know i've heard i've done a lot of marriage counseling over the years and the guy says she's just so jealous I go Why is she jealous? I don't know her family. Her mom was jealous. You know how they're wait, dude Look me in the eye. She's jealous as a fruit of your leadership She might have a emotional weakness in that area, but your leadership can take care of that She's jealous because she has a reason to be jealous from her point of view It's about you not just about her family background and her mother and a lot of guys they go what I go Remember, what's the resume look like the three years you dated the two years and the four years you've been married? What resume does she have about your leadership? I mean you living under the lord's leadership Well, i've hit i've hit that uh Plenty good. I I have here. I know more than 10 couples a few more than that Godly men and women that were the different that's been involved in my ministry over the years meaning I know them that well Up close and personal that didn't kiss till their wedding day. We've had several in ihop over the years They did not kiss not in their engagement. I'm not saying in the engagement. We got the ring. Come on, honey Give me a kiss. No, that's not the point I think it's better not to do it there either I think it's better not to do it there. I'm just Going a little softer on that alan reel me in if i'm getting a little liberal here But uh, I think it's better to go all the way and uh Wait to the wedding day and and kiss her at the altar and I know at least 10 or 12 couples I know personally that did that and they said we are so glad Because again, she trusts him so much more Than that other couple they were all good buddies and that anyway I can go on and on. Okay Or or a day or two before the wedding It's sometimes it's pressure to kiss in front of a thousand people for the first time, but you know But if you do if you do do it soft and don't make don't like On the wedding day in front what I think That's just our opinion just just your thoughts right some side comments, okay Okay, uh i'm gonna skip courtship, I mean engagement, I mean it's all self-evident And marriage i'm really we're really talking about dating and i'm just contextualizing it to engagement and marriage as well Okay, let's turn to the top of page three I want here's our we're going to our assignment and our small group time. This is the this is a key takeaway point I want to recommend Strongly, I did this Uh, not to the full degree i'm saying it here, but I did this because I was taught it, uh by my youth leaders That they taught us to write down on paper our commitments related to dating to Get before the lord open bible get counsel for some godly leaders and write down what you're committed to Do and what you're committed to avoid And we all were taught to do that. So a lot of my friends did that and uh What i'm going to suggest is that not only do you write that down i'm talking about a page one side of one page It's less than that. There's only a couple paragraphs. There's not like it doesn't go on and on There's not that much to write But I want to recommend every one of you do it and then I want to recommend that you insist the person that you're dating Does it? When they write that down then here's the part that we did not do this part But i'm recommending it because I know different ministries that have done it Then you you come in agreement with your with your uh dating, uh, you you come into unity You add a phrase or take a phrase away depending on the merger of the two And then you sign it together you sign it before the lord And you take it one step further Then you go to a spiritual leader that you trust in the body of christ and you say here is our commitment You have the permission Anytime you want randomly to ask us if we're keeping it You can ask us anytime. Hey, are you keeping number three and number five? and they Again, some of them are commitments of activities to do and others are activities to avoid And so I had one of those papers 37 years ago and again because a lot of people did we were taught it but that would have been better if When we talked we would have signed it That's even that's even stronger and showed it to a spiritual leader and gave them the permission to talk to To ask us about 0.2 0.5 any point they want at any time they want they get they random come up at a church service Hey, how you doing on 0.3? Oh 0.3. That's a tough one Yeah, we blew it 0.3. But you know what we're repented. I mean they're i'm it's not like you're going to do everything perfect But the accountability and when you look each other in the eye when you've signed a paper together before the lord It's way heavier and a lot of guys say well or gals. I don't need to do that They they trust that in flight they'll sort it out But their track record says they don't they keep stumbling in flight in in real life They don't think it through intentionally. They don't write it down. They don't verbalize it They don't commit it and they end up going. Well, we just blew it again And I would like our whole spiritual family the culture here for every guy and gal who dates has a dating commitment And when you a guy asks you on a date i'm not talking about a coffee for the first time that's not what i'm calling a date, you know, that's a you know a a meeting a time or two before you've made a commitment to one another I I put it earlier in the document a pre-dating Socializing it's not about romance. It's they're you're a little bit attracted each other a little bit intrigued with each other You're not committed. That's fine to do two or three of those Don't let some guy do 25 of those with you but Two or three of those to figure out if you want a date or not And and by the way, I skipped that point earlier and if you get in one of those Hey, let's have a coffee for an hour and get acquainted There's no intimate talking and there's no touching and that and not even intimate talking Some guys will do that. They'll do the third one the fourth one the fifth one's like wait You don't need five to figure out if this is something we should do or not And again, if you if you officially commit to date and again, you make a statement you make a commitment, uh, It's public meaning I don't mean you announce that in a meeting but you're not it's not Secretive so the guy can have two or three of those going on at the same time is the point It it's known is the point but uh at that point in time when you say, okay, it's official Then it should be normative. I want this to be normative this time next year where the guy asked the girl Where's I want to see your your uh, your dating commitment and she goes. I don't have one say well Let's let me help you write one or the other way around the guy you ask the guy I want to see your dating commitment. I'm gonna sign it with you. He goes. I don't what's that? And say well, it's just what you're intentional about and you know, you can explain it to him in about two minutes and say I don't want to have a defined official intentional regular Romantic oriented. I mean it may not turn to full, uh into a marriage, but you're checking it out It's got that orientation to it And that's the point you don't want that with somebody who's not going to be equally yoked with you and the lord Who's not going the same place as you are spiritually? You really want that and I want a girl to say to a guy I don't want a formal commitment until we sign that paper or I want the guy as the gatekeeper to say to the girl I'm going to lead you in this and we're going to sign that paper together and we're going to go share it with a leader And give them permission to talk to us Okay paragraph b So there's activities to pursue and activities to avoid I have a few activities to pursue just some suggested ones I don't mean everyone these need to be on every one of your papers When you make your individual dating commitment paper, I got three or four of them here, uh to pursue And number two, I got three or four of them to avoid and these are suggested my point being in a few moments We're going to meet in small groups And you're gonna in a group add to this Ones that you say well that they're not on his list These four bullet points are going to be up on the powerpoint in a minute We're gonna walk away with about 20 bullet points for each one of these or what? Maybe we won't have that many but then I want you guys to have all of them So you can go develop your dating commitment paper or whatever you call it and so, uh My point is it's thought through it's intentional. Why is it intentional? You're thinking about developing a romance with her with the idea of marrying her. It needs to be intentional This is way too serious to be casual And she needs to know it's intentional and vice versa and you need to be in the light With another leader seeing what you've said with permission to be able to talk to you about it Can any of you guys want to make any comments on that? Okay We we had real clear things because again, I I had my leaders taught me to write them I had a number a number of things we would not be alone. We made a commitment We would only be alone in public And we went we went to denny's more times than not that's where I got my caffeine addiction was at denny's because we Didn't have much money, but boy I could drink that coffee And uh, we talked for hours at denny's and it completely it's really hard to get tempted at denny's. It just really is And I mean she was so beautiful and we were talking and wow and I was waxing eloquent or so I thought And winning her heart and it was completely safe and the other place we did it a lot was her kitchen and her at her house We would sit at the table and talk for hours. And when you have though that that Buzzy feeling you get a table a chair. You don't care where you're sitting. You're so happy You don't care what you're doing. And so and her parents would be in the room talking about zero temptation Her dad is about 20 feet away. I could hear the tv through the door. Not a chance not an ounce of temptation and But we really connected we really connected And and and another thing a way you connect is with other people meaning the only time we talked Was not just alone We would have two or three others We would be sharing and finding out about each other in the name of fellowship meaning that counted as time together It's like well if you're not totally alone, it's not time together I learned more about her and her about me in those times very differently than other times. So don't write those off as well Those aren't real. No, those are real. You're talking you're sharing you're interacting You're you're celebrating somebody else's values and understanding of the lord. You're challenging you're interacting. There's a lot going on. That's Uh pertains to dating in that kind of context you got any comments. She was the first one to kiss me though Is it true? Sweetheart Was it? Okay. Yes. It's a little peck on the cheek There was a kiss it was a peck on the cheek, but it was a tiny little peck on the I know she just reached over and I went But she did it. I mean I took a step back and she took a step forward and I said i'm not ready You held the boundaries Well, yes I did I got I because right when I drove home and I sped I was going I almost got almost got a ticket. I was pretty excited but anyway I went whoa Because we were determined this and this and this and that Not the same Not the same. Okay paragraph three paragraph three I urge the ladies No, no, this is your actually the one that you were saying so this is we got to get serious. Yeah Number three. Yeah, we hit it We hit it. We hit it As far as guys when when did we hit it we hit what's it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I didn't think we get it. Okay. Go ahead. I stand corrected my friend um Oh, this is the issue. Um, the big elephant in the room with dating these days is what do we do with pornography? the issue of pornography And um, I know the statistics are it's not a male problem Alone that it's male and female today, but by far the majority of it's male And so I would encourage you ladies to um ask when you go to date when you Go to say that we're committed to each other to ask them if they're struggling with pornography And to ask them if they've looked at it while you've gone out on your precursory dates And if they have I would encourage you to draw the line I just want to say that i'm saying that for two reasons and what's that mean? Draw the line to say that you know what this isn't going to work You need to have a track record of freedom before we enter into this relationship. Here's why i'm saying it Marriage does not cure pornography. It does not jesus does in the power of the holy spirit No marriage does not cure sexual problems. It does not at all And the reason why I say this we've got to quit talking about pornography like it's detached from dating and marriage It's destroying marriages. It's destroying families and we've got to hold the line in guys. I look at my sons I say sons and I quote that first thessalonians 4 3 verse To my sons I sit down with them and I go you have to learn how to possess Your vessel for honor you it's the will of god your sanctification And now's the time the the actually the rite of passage from being a young man to a man Is that you learn this you triumph over this? I think we all have to remove the scandalization about pornography like oh my gosh They saw it because chances are your generation is going to be exposed to it at some level You can drive down the road highway 70 and get exposed to soft porn just on the billboards So you're you're going to be exposed to it. I'm not talking about putting shame I'm talking to we have to draw the line men and you have to begin to start thinking about your families Your wife the person you're going to date and it's time to get free now Not thinking you're going to get free when you start dating and get married get free now And here's why I want to empower this community where the gals Look at you in the eye and go. Hey, are you struggling with this? You know, I need to talk about in a dating relationship. Yeah in a dating in a dating relationship Are you struggling with this? I need to know you're free. I need to know and I want you to be honest with me For the love of jesus be honest with me and dialogue about that. Here's what i'm saying. I want to free you up In your in your dating period to ask one another hard questions about this issue Because the last thing you want to do is go through a one-year dating process An eight-month engagement get married and find out one month into your marriage. He's still addicted to pornography You can't do that. We've got to switch this thing We always say that we we say that the light is getting lighter and the dark is getting darker We've got to take these stands To allow light to get lighter we can do this. We can call our men up higher our sons can win this war Dads and sons can win it together. We can enter into these relationships clean and pure Filling the grace of god not the condemnation. I'm not talking about Legalism talking about let's grow our sons up to walk in a better way and a better path Because we're not talking about it in dating relationships and marriages and it's destroying our homes And so I want to encourage you ladies be empowered You don't need to wait two years in before you wake up and found out you you married a guy who's living a hidden double life You need to find out and I want to empower you to do that and men Guys i'm not hard on you. I i'm right with you. I'm in the battle to raise my sons in impurity But i'm saying to you it can be done But if you if you're lazy about this issue And you just kind of drift thinking one day marriage is going to save you from it. It's not You've got to right now embrace the grace of god and and just uh Be strong in the lord and the power of his might be strong in the grace of god to get victory and now's the time So here's why i'm saying it guys Look over at your buddies and right now start groups to get free from this issue Accountability in your dorm rooms in the houses in the apartments you live in and start getting free I want my boys to have a vision for their wives now And be free for 10 years before they've ever met the gal. And so I want to encourage us to do that I'm not talking about shame I'm not talking about putting shame upon people but having the honest dialogue and saying to the guys we can do this It because the point you've made so clear That the problem of pornography does not go away with marriage There's a maybe a single guy thinks that's the hey, it will get solved. It doesn't get solved. It doesn't get solved by Intentionally going through various steps for healing in it and it is a marriage Destroyer it is not neutral. It is a marriage destroyer Even though I know a number of marriages where the guy is is entrapped in this and they stay married But their their interaction is so much lower And it's so heartbreaking and there's so many gaps in his spiritual leadership I mean they can still technically stay married and technically even do some good things But it's they're operating at a three not a ten or an eight. There's so many deficiencies. They can't I mean deficiencies I'm talking about we're all weak guys. We have deficiencies. I mean within that grid There's so many things they can't do if they're if they're hooked to that So guys, this isn't the sort of thing where hide it from the girl hide it from the girl hide it from the girl and then you date two years get engaged you get married and all of a sudden out comes this like it is a It is a lie that is so devastating to that lady Because she is now married to a guy that cannot provide spiritual leadership in her home And she's covenanted to him Ladies don't be soft on this area. You can say alan and mike are insisting. I wouldn't ask you if I if it was me They're making me ask you I am making you ask them Because the marriage bed cannot fulfill these unrealistic fantasies that are not real They're not real. They can't bear that pressure get your mind free now so that when you enter that marriage bed It's one of love not cloaked with a bunch of lust and perversion And you can't be a spiritual leader in your home if you've got that defilement you can't lead there's so many things You won't even think to do That a spiritual leader would do it's not even on your mind because you've got all this interference going on So what he said about the marriage bed is a giant point i'm talking about outside the marriage bed everyday life There's so much you won't even be thinking about providing leadership and it won't occur to you because you'll have so much Interference in your inner man that it won't dawn on you to even say or do or initiate certain things and it's a devastating loss, uh in a christian marriage and and the reason why i'm bringing it up so hard is we have The christian church has approached this like this is the insurmountable Giant it's not and so nobody talks about it We we we shout at each other, but we don't get real as far as relationship This is not I believe the grace of god is coming on the body of christ to walk in a purity That rivals any generation in which the lord has has saved people and so I want to encourage you This is the time for purity now more than ever and that's aside from what you might have looked at in the past Let's push delete and let's begin to access the grace of god Okay roman numeral four what to look for in a spouse we're in the middle of page three The most important issues is to be in unity with these areas I have written down here to be equally yoked in your commitment to the lord I don't mean that you both believe you're going to heaven when you die. That's not what I mean by equally yoked I mean you have the same Level of intensity of the vision you have to have jesus center in your life And if the guy or the gal is drawing back and you got to coax them and constantly talk them in to going hard after god That is a huge red flag because again after the first year or two and the novelty is is out is worn off you got 50 years to go under that guy's leadership or The man you got 50 years of pulling this lady who doesn't want to go there with you And it I mean it goes 50 years And the novelty wears off you don't want to take shortcuts on these areas These are vital vital areas and this is what really romance where it comes from Okay, uh paragraph c the most Important question is not will I be attracted? To this man or woman for the rest of my life The most important question is will I respect this man or woman the rest of my life because if you respect them You will love them Now I took this straight off of a dave schleicher, uh article. He has an article on the website That's so good. That was I just I grabbed it. It was excellent. Good job. Dave top of page four Okay, so So you've you're you're going in unity after these various things that I have listed. I don't want to take time to read them And again the physical attraction that's obvious that that's what people want But I tell you that really has to be second. It really really does and mike I just want to add something that you know when you're finding a spouse or finding someone that you think could be potentially someone and you're You're going out and you're realizing and you're seeing those qualities, you know Like do they love jesus when no one's looking do I laugh with them? You know, am I attracted to them that may be on your one of your list? That's cool to be attracted. Are they humble? Are they teachable? I'm just this is all from my husband's repertoire of wonderful information on this but There are if when you find that you're actually equally yoked you're like-minded your values all those things They're going to have issues and so I've as I've counseled young adults, you know, they're struggling with the issues and Everyone and I know, you know, it's cliche everyone has issues and but the truth is You're just going to trade one set of issues for another so when you find someone because I've I've as I've counseled and I've They've got all these qualities and they're still struggling either. It's not the peace of christ So therefore you don't go forward you just have that red flag But when you've got that fear that comes in of there's issues there's issues really realize You're going to just trade one set of issues for another. It's it's really just the reality It's there's no perfect person out there that you're going to get with They don't exist. It's not necessarily that we're ever going to find somebody that's issueless That person doesn't exist But it's when when you recognize when something comes your way, how do you handle it? Do you agree with god and his word? Yes, that was sin that what I just did And do you repent of it and do you seek ways to not go there to not do that again, that's the issue So if you were waiting around to find that perfect issueless person You'll never get married. Okay, you won't But if that person with issues is addressing those issues I mean not like, you know, like a whole multitude of them, but you know, maybe one or two that they're still working through That then then pay attention because that's a that's an admirable quality that that person Is repenting of their sin that they're seeking wise counsel that they're extending forgiveness that that they're asking for forgiveness That's the that's the kind of person that you'll be attracted to It's good top of page four Uh, what do you look for in a spouse paragraph e again? We're talking character traits Because that's where the offense happens because of the character traits the lack of them or that's where the respect that that is the uh, that seedbed of affection Number e and f I I don't want to read it all but leave I just want you to Jot that down women towards men and men towards women Uh, you want to watch how do they act under pressure? How do they act when they're put down? When someone puts them down whether it's you or somebody else when they're put down How do they respond? That's huge determining your family culture If that guy or gal is hyper defensive every time something doesn't go just in the affirming them You are going to have a really tough family culture But I mean you can have these deficiencies But the guy or gal says just like the pornography there could be struggles But the guy or gal says I am committed to walk through this and i'm committed to get help And i'm committed to be open and yes, I have a new beginning every day and you can get free of all this stuff But these are things when you're dialoguing you're saying, you know, you're so cute But we're not getting married right now because when I look at e and f There's some things that it's not just you're deficient in because we're all deficient I don't think you're committed to changing these things and you gotta be committed to changing the things I have in enf You don't have to be there, but you've got to have an eagerness to change these I mean I look at some of these and i'm still struggling and coming up short at them But i'm committed to them the commitment is what makes you equally yoked not the attainment You come up short is not what equally yoke is the fact that you're reaching for the same values and the same characteristics but how here, uh Do they respond with bitterness with self-pity? Paragraph e when they're under pressure do they try to escape with different drugs food inter excessive entertainment f are they good listeners? Do they rush you? Do they interrupt you? Are they multitasking while you're trying to talk to them and they're not even listening to you or half and half? What kind of entertainment do they like? Are they lazy? Are they self-starters? Are they complainers? Are they mostly grateful and again? They may be complainers But they say I am warring against this and then you could have some peace if you see follow through If they call it a failure, but they go that's just how my father was and that's how I am Alert that is a bad situation because that will destroy your family culture that will that will hurt your children That will hurt your marriage. The affection will be long gone in a couple years With a complaining spirit in the context of a marriage, etc, etc, etc Okay, let's go to roman numeral four. I mean five some common questions We'll just touch a couple of these and again We have so much more even little points on the website that the document is not there yet But we'll have it up there pretty soon Okay, uh common questions one of the big questions is uh, uh, does god pick my mate? Does god have somebody sovereignly picked for me out there? And i'm spending my time seeking him trying to find out who the mystery man or woman is And I don't think that's the right answer and and again i'm going to uh appeal to dave schleicher He wrote an oracle how to marry the right person for the right reasons I have that on paragraph a and he goes pretty strong I'll let him say what he wants to say on it But that the lord lets you have the choice And I think there are times where the lord intervenes in a sovereign way and uh, he has surprises, uh showing his sovereignty in it, but when I was uh, uh, Discovering that I would marry diane. I wasn't saying that's the mystery woman. I finally found somebody said How did god tell you to marry her? I go. I just really liked her I really liked her. She really liked me. I like I don't mean I just like looking at her. I did I like talking to her Talking to her is way more important and I believed in her values I believed in her where she was going and her financial values what she wanted to do with jesus what she wanted to do with life I loved her values and I liked talking to her. I liked her. She liked me and our parents said go for it That is that means that's god's will someone said did god tell you I go not more than that Not any more than that. And and I believe that god's saying I have given you a will and a personality. I want you To choose the one you want and I will intervene if I have this pleasure in it Is there one person in the earth? That's only for you. I don't believe that I believe there's a thousand people you could fall in love with and have a good marriage You can only have one but I believe there's a thousand of them out there and my point being It takes away the mystery of trying to find the secret formula to find him far away He might be right in front of you Well, i'm not that attracted to him start talking to him You may be far more attracted to him after you start talking to him because I tell you as cute as she is I really like her because of how she talks That means a whole lot more to me Anyway, so you how you get how all that works? Okay, because the principles are even more powerful than the person the biblical principles towards love At the end of the day look around every brother and sister. You're going to love them For all eternity the biblical principles Bring forth love and you might say to yourself. You may even be in a marriage going You know what? I don't know if she's the one she's the one You said I do if you like her she likes you oh, oh you're saying you said I do she's the one Yeah, she's the one then and the lord if you follow his ways If you abide in the vine, he will produce much fruit. It has to be that way Yeah, I think I i've heard it over the 40 years. I don't know we're married. I don't know She's the one I go. I promise you that I get what you're saying. She is the one The lord tell you I go. Absolutely. He told me I got a bunch of bible verses You went to the wedding alter you she's the one but i'm talking about this mysterious Who who and if you like her? She likes you you have the same values you have Godly people in your life your parents leaders. Love you. They go. This is good. There is no check. That's the one It's really that simple. It's not so mysterious So somebody says paragraph b. What about prophetic dreams? I think there's that occasionally is helpful Almost always in my experience over the last 40 years of watching it. It's almost always Not helpful, but sometimes it is helpful. I've seen it helpful a couple times But by far the majority it's confusing It's not right And so if someone has a dream say if you need a dream to marry him don't marry him If you don't want to marry him, well, if god tells me to what you mean if he forces you to you will Anything for the lord, no, that that is great. That is great If you need a dream, you need a dream. It's not good It's not something's broken already if you need a dream If you don't like him and he didn't like you and you don't like talking to each other You don't have the same values and you need a dream bad news But in reality again, i'm saying this seriously though. It's funny. I mean, I know hundreds of situations Most always the dreams were a hindrance and not a help occasionally I admit occasionally there's that one time it was wow That was really set up in a unique way by the lord. I mean I have had uh, these x amount of prophetic experiences With the lord related to a movement, but I didn't have anything like that related to the most important choice of my life By far the most important choice of my life, obviously, it's my salvation experience But after that it was her not kansas city in the movement Merit merit the person you marry is the biggest decision. No dreams. No visions. No prophecies. No, nothing No, nothing. No nothing for the most important decision of my life And when it comes to a movement and as i've told different stories prophetic stories people go they hear these movement prophecies Supernatural things and they want one to buy a house buy a car get married and have kids I don't have those for my domestic life. Those are movement. Uh prophetic events not personal When it's coming to buy a house buy a car Get married. You got to do it the normal way, you know, that's just how it is And so don't confuse prophetic stories with your domestic life and your you know How many guys do I know they're waiting they're waiting for god to give the dreams in a dream? And and Number one, it's that's a confusing way to approach it number two This isn't true always always so I want to be careful. I don't overstate this. I tell the guy I go guy You're hiding under a prophetic banner because you're afraid you're afraid if you ask her she'll say no You're afraid she'll ask her she'll say yes You're afraid you'll ask her that you'll get there and regret it. You're afraid you'll like it You'll you're just afraid of there's 10 things you're afraid of and you're hiding under a prophecy. Just don't do that Just go up to her again. You can have the the two to three coffees and and again You don't talk deep at that level. It's it's kind of a the exploratory thing. There's nothing wrong with that I encourage people to do that kind of stuff Not to wait till you hear an angel shout before you take someone out and have a coffee with them Just to figure out say I think you're interesting. I just like hey, how you doing? You know, it's not a it's not a big deal It's not a big statement and everybody didn't have to talk about it. Did you see him there at the coffee shop? Oh my god, I knew it. No, don't do that Leave him alone Because if people do that seriously Then everyone's afraid of the reputation. I can't even talk to the guy or girl because it's a big story And and and that's it's natural, but it is a bit childish. Although it is natural for that to happen Oh, it happens all over the earth But people need to be able to talk have an interaction See where it's at without people all figuring out what it means and talking about it and so I want to encourage you not to wait for an angel blast or a prophetic word just Go have the coffee with her or her girl. Go have the coffee with the guy. Oh my gosh I can ask him. Yes, but whoever asked has to pay that's the how it works. Yes, you can go ask him Hey, would you? Wait, you're no. I can't do it because i'm the guy you be the girl and ask me so Hey, mike, you want to have a cup of coffee? Yeah, i'm really busy. Just whatever No, keep going we're play acting, you know, i'm gonna say yes 30 minutes cup of coffee treat. I'll treat you. Okay, why not? Yeah, that's what I say. Let's do it There's nothing wrong if a girl does that and the girl says I find you interesting and hey, I'd like to get to know you That's not bad That's like she said he was interesting and when he could know him praise god about time. She said it It's not like a stigma. It's nothing wrong. It's not anti-biblical It's not socially wrong. There's nothing wrong with that And I mean if you'd have asked me to marry you I would have said yes. Anyway, here we go and you know what my My wife asked me out for the first time. We got the same deal the kiss the date. Here it is She asked you out. It's for real So she did sort of sort of it was a sadie hawkins dance. And so the girls have to ask I don't even know if young people know what that is. I think that's oh they do the girl has to ask the guy Okay, that's the bottom line. But you know what? It helped me I'm telling you it really helped Scared because once I knew she asked shaking over there all scared Little thing no, no, no, she was so cute She was so cute. Actually. She asked me said said what are you doing saturday? And I said well, I have a canoe trip with with a group of guys and she goes. Oh, no, no, no No, uh, it's okay then I go. No ask me I literally thought she was going to ask me To move her apartment or take her to the airport because that's what you ask christian guys to do Because they're the only ones that say yes, but they never get the date That's because they never ask for the date that's why they don't get it. No, no, no, right, right, right, right Right, that's the flip side So here's what happened you were so afraid. Anyway, you were shaking like a leaf. Yes, you were I was Actually, she was shaking because it's not her personality to ask And so she was trembling going. Well, you don't have to and I go no ask me i'm thinking sweaty guys on a river Or a cute girl move in her apartment, even she doesn't like me. That's way better and so, uh So I said no, what do you need? She goes, uh Um, well, there's a there's a dance on saturday It's a sadie hawkins dance and so, you know, I just want to know what you're doing And so I I started smiling I said are you asking me out on a date Wait, and did she say yes? She went but but we have to She was like we have to ask you out. It's they made me do it. They made me do it and I said no You're asking me out But here's the thing It clued me in and immediately I said You know, it's what was it like monday? I said Why wait to saturday? Let's what are you doing wednesday? Hey, the boy got with it. I mean one little conversation wednesday thursday and friday before saturday got there So i'm just saying ladies it helped me. I was thick slow Oblivious it it helped that he was a really good roller skater because we went roller skating on a group date He was really good. I was that's the kind of things you don't tell people You see no no in my world, that's not like a huge plus that alan's a roller skater I'm gonna share that no, she didn't say we played tennis the first night She went right to the roller skating thing you little roller skater. You little feistiness here followed by ballet Synchronized swimming, too Forget it forget it Okay, uh, please keep us on track, okay, we're at the end of this we're at the end of this I want to hit last point last point is paragraph h Paragraph h last point and then we're going to have a group everybody going to get up for uh, Five six in a group for 20 minutes. We're going to time it and we're going to do four questions You're going to fill out the page before you get to h i'll explain this to you You're going to fill out page five you're going to pick somebody to be the writer And they're going to write down the answers And to be the leader of the group and so you're each going to give a minute on each one of those questions Because again five six people we got five minutes per question And then after that we're going to you're going to bring your uh written answers on your paper You're going to stand at that aisle in that aisle and we're going to hear them And we're going to put them on the board on the powerpoint and then we're going to have a document together of what we think Are the things that we should avoid the things that we should pursue the things we liken in somebody etc Those kinds of things but I want to hit paragraph h and end with that It's the idea of being single for the lord. I got two points here that I want to make the bible honors in a very very powerful way uh being single for the lord meaning In some settings if somebody is being is living single for the lord People ask questions, you know, what about this? What about this? What about that? What about this? And there is a very powerful precedent for being single for the lord like jesus. John the baptist John the apostle paul the apostle elijah. It's fairly good term group Really good group and and the bible makes it clear That's a gift and it's something that should be honored and celebrated. I want us to celebrate that in our midst And then the second point and final point I want to make Is there are a number of folks in our spiritual family some in the room right now that are single And they don't want to be single and and so it's they're single single because they want to be single for the lord and they have a certain stigma sometimes and I don't want that. I want us to celebrate And others that they're uh, they're not 21 anymore They're a few years older than that and they're 30. They're 40. They're 50 whatever age They don't want to be single and a meeting like this is like terrible. They're going like, oh, I hate these kind of meetings Because they have not all of them, but a number of them a sense of loss in their heart they had a dream when they were 10 12 14 years old of their family and their romance and now they're They're not they're 40. They're 50. They're whatever age and they've died to something and suffered it And grieved it but nobody ever saw it because there was never a day they died to it And they carry something in their heart that I want us to acknowledge and be tender about And that's not a small thing. That's a huge thing So we have the two very different situations with folks that are single because we're talking to single young folks mostly young folks that want to date but I want to recognize those other two And at least acknowledge them and make a statement about them before we move on Okay, final statement any one of you guys be intentional be intentional about your dating about your your choice for a future spouse Be intentional about all of your life especially the big decisions So let's all stand Okay, we want you all involved in this for 20 minutes